Hi there! This is the last-but-one chapter. It's long and veeeery interesting... That Jackie... she's starting to scare me... Enjoy...
Foxy4ever, you always get me dear!
Chapter 51
– Dude! –Hurley said stunned, making Jack come back to Earth.
– What?! –Jack replied startled and somehow annoyed.
– I think I just saw Sawyer right here in the house! –Hurley stated shocked.
– You're out of your mind…
– Seriously dude, he was leaving through the main door!
– Or maybe you just had too many cocktails. –Jack affirmed fed up, trying to distract Hurley from that idea.
– Dude I'm not drunk! I mean it!
But Jack shook his head and rolled eyes, denying it. He left Hurley behind and walked to Brooke, who was waiting for him at the head of the table to make the toast.
As the party went on, he kept feeling like he was in the middle of the greatest cosmic joke. He felt overwhelmed. He wished Sawyer hadn't told him the truth about Kate. Soon after, the guests started leaving little by little.
Once the house was empty, Jack checked on the kids and made sure they were sleeping. Afterwards he went to his room, discouraged. He found a thrilled Brooke waiting for him on the bed, wearing a beautiful and sexy nightgown. The second he walked in, she threw herself in his arms and covered him in tiny kisses.
– Finally alone! –she whispered in his ear and then kissed his lips with passion, standing on her toes to reach him.
Jack broke the kiss and smiled shortly at her. – Yeah… –Then he sat on his side of the bed and took his shirt off. Brooke wasn't giving in and soon kneeled behind him and embraced his chest, sinking her face in his shoulder and kissing his back. He shivered, but didn't surrender to her seduction. – I'm exhausted… –he affirmed, hopping she'd get the message.
Brooke bit her lip, but understood. After all, it had been a speedy week and a long day. – Then lie down. –she suggested, moving aside and pulling out the blankets for him to get in.
He rested on his back and took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. Brooke couldn't help but notice he was weird. – Baby, you okay? –she asked leaning on his chest to meet his eyes.
– Yeah, I'm just tired… –he lied.
– I'll just shut up and let you sleep, okay? –she affirmed kissing his lips softly.
– Thanks… –he said looking deeply at her and caressing her face.
Brooke rested her head on his chest facing his feet as she always did, feeling the warmth of his body and his heartbeat. He felt disconcerted, but smiled at the scene. He was playing with her hair when she spoke. – Jack… I love you… I'm the happiest woman on Earth… You're the best thing that's ever happened to me…
He closed his eyes and sighed, and felt a bitter irony in his heart. Four hours ago he would've said the exact same words to her without an ounce of hesitation, but right that minute he just couldn't, and that bothered him.
All he could do was rest her on the bed and kiss her, and then held her from the waist to meet her back with his chest. As she made herself comfortable in his arms, he could smell her sweet perfume all over her hair and feel her soft skin on his body. He sighed. – I love you too… –he finally pronounced, repeating in his head over and over again that the fact of knowing Kate was not leaving him wasn't going to change that, couldn't change that…
Brooke was flying to New York the next day at night. She was staying home for 2 full weeks to plan the wedding, and then she was going back to L.A. 2 weeks before the ceremony to help the family move. Then they'd be all definitely moving to the Hamptons 2 days before the rehearsal.
At the evening, before leaving, Brooke was at the living room working on the guest list with Claire and Margo. Charlie and Hurley were with them too, helping with the last names of some of Jack's friends Brooke didn't know. Jack wasn't around. He had been avoiding her fiancée all day long and was at the garden with the kids, but Brooke had been too busy to notice.
– No, no, I think Stone is the last name of his wife, but he's Cowan, Barry Cowan, I'm certain about it. –Claire stated.
– Brooke dear, did Jack put his cousin Linda on the list? He always forgets her…
– Yeah, there's a Linda here, but she's not a Shephard, is she?
– No, she's from my side. –Margo replied.
– Can my brother Liam come to your wedding? –Charlie asked.
– Charlie! –Claire yelled in a disapproving tone.
– I'm just asking!
– Of course he can, Charlie, no problem. –Brooke said giggling. Then she stared at the piece of paper in front of her and frowned. Jack had forgotten a guest. – Uh, Claire, you know the last name of Jack's friend James?
Everybody went mute as they looked at each other stunned. – What? –asked Claire, disconcerted.
– Yeah, the one that came over yesterday to congratulate him, this southern, kind of good looking guy? –Brooke replied nonchalant.
– Dude… I knew it! –Hurley affirmed.
– What? –asked Brooke, puzzled by everybody's look.
– Hurley! Come with me, we need to… do this thing... –Charlie said pulling him from the arm. As both men walked away, Brooke could hear Hurley saying: And you all told me I was crazy! Even Jack!
– What's going on? –Brooke asked, clueless.
– No… Nothing, I… I don't know any friend of Jack with that name… –Claire assured, trying to conceal. – Do you, Margo?
– Um, I don't think so, uh… Anyway dear, if Jack didn't put him on the list, he's probably not invited. –Margo stated, trying to distract Brooke.
– You're right… I'll ask him anyway, just in case he forgot him, you know… –Brooke said.
– Of course dear. –Margo said with a smile, whilst giving Claire a "Take care of that" look.
Brooke checked on her watch. – I've got to go. I'll be back in two weeks… –she said holding Claire and then Margo.
– You're ready? –asked Jack, prepared to drive her to the airport.
– I am. Kids, I'm leaving…! –she announced raising her voice, so Jackie and Brett could hear her from the garden. Both kids ran to her and held her tight, covering her in kisses and asking her to stay a little more. Jack didn't know why, but he had to look away. Claire noticed.
A couple of hours later, Jack was back from the airport. He found Margo, Claire, Charlie and Hurley talking in a lower voice. He knew they were talking about him. When they noticed he was home, Claire walked to him. – Jack, can I talk to you for a sec?
He nodded and followed her to the studio, curious of what she had to say. – Is it true Jack? Was Sawyer here yesterday? –she asked concerned.
– Who said that?
– Brooke saw him with you! She just told me. And Hurley, he saw him too! What was he doing here Jack?
He sighed. – He needed some money…
– And why on Earth would he come to you after what happened?! Oh my God! He threatened you, right? We have to call the police! –Claire said with fear in her eyes, frantic.
– Claire, don't… –he said with calm in his voice.
– What's going on Jack? –she asked determined.
– He came to… tell me something. –Claire frowned, waiting for him to talk. – Kate wasn't leaving that night… He told me…
– What?! –Claire asked jaw-dropped, not believing her ears.
– I can't believe it either. But it's true… she wasn't leaving me… us… she was just trying to help him out… –he said with sorrow in his eyes. Then he told Claire the whole story he had learnt from Sawyer.
– Oh… –Claire uttered after he finished his narration.
– Yeah…
– Well, that's definitely a nice wedding present, don't you think? –Claire said kind of relieved.
– You don't seem surprised at all.
– I am. I can't believe Sawyer told you just like that…
– You think he's lying?
– No, not at all. –she assured with no doubt.
He stared at her – Why?
– Because I never believed Kate was leaving you in the first place.
– Why? –he insisted.
– I knew her Jack, and she loved you. She wasn't carrying a bag, she left in the car you gave her… but, above all, I always knew she would've never left Jackie and Brett behind…
– Why you never told me that back then Claire? I could've used those words…
– Because I had no proof. And you wouldn't have listened anyway…
He nodded, defeated. – All this time I've lived believing she had let me down… But now that I know she didn't, it doesn't make me feel better…
– You're shocked, that's all… –she said rubbing his shoulder. – And I don't blame you… But now that you know it, you can finally let go that bad feeling you kept against her and be truly happy with Brooke… –she stated with a bright smile.
– Right… Uh, Claire… Brooke doesn't know about this, and I'd like to keep it that way…
– She doesn't know about Sawyer? –she asked in disbelief.
– She doesn't know he was Sawyer and why he was here… I don't want to upset her, you know…
Claire frowned. She thought not telling Brooke was a bad idea, but yet she agreed. – Um… okay, fine, whatever you want…
As the days went by, Brooke kept going with the preparations. She felt an explosion of joy the first time she tried on her wedding gown. Her mom, the Julian ladies and Ilana almost wept when they saw her in it. She was the most beautiful bride ever because, above her beauty and the gown's perfection, her absolute happiness was what made her glow.
She kept calling Jack as usual, but with all her excitement she never noticed the flatness in his voice and his lack of enthusiasm whenever she spoke about the wedding. She knew he was quitting his job and had tons of things to do before leaving his position, let alone putting everything in boxes to move into the new house shortly. That's why she didn't make a big deal when he said he was busy and wanted to hang up quickly.
Jack was mad at himself. Mad because he couldn't enjoy the fact he was getting married within weeks. Mad because he was being harsh on Brooke and couldn't share the joy she felt. Mad because he was feeling that way. What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't come to an answer, but soon he found himself thinking of Kate. All of the sudden everything reminded him of her.
He kept dwelling on what Sawyer said and zillion "What if…" scenarios came to his mind. What if he had felt her getting up the bed that night? What if he had heard him starting her SUV and stopped her? But one question burnt him the most: Why didn't she trust him enough to tell him what was going on? That thought tormented him. If he hadn't been always so uptight, she would've told him, and then she'd be alive.
He started feeling guilty again. He felt guilty of being so hard on her all that time and believing she was a betrayer. He felt guilt of moving on and loving Brooke. And, absurd as it was, now he felt guilty of her death. If she could've count on him and be open about Sawyer, he thought, she would've never needed to leave in the middle of the night without him knowing. He was going nuts and couldn't sleep at night.
The two first weeks passed in the blink of an eye. Brooke was back from New York with almost everything ready for the wedding. A couple of details more and everything would be done. As the days went by, she started resenting Jack's mood. She knew he was being weird, something was going on. At first she tried to cool down and believed she was imagining things because she was for sure under her own bride's insanity. She knew she was nervous and sensitive and knew he was probably feeling the same way.
That's why she tried to be understanding when he started working late during those days. He'd leave early in the morning and come back when everybody was asleep. That's why she didn't complain when she tried to help him with his moving boxes and he turned her down, saying he'd just put everything in them without sorting, 'cause he had no time. That's why she didn't find odd that he didn't want to discuss any wedding issues with her.
Yet, even though she was using all the patience she had, it hit her one afternoon at the dining room, when Jack came back home early from the hospital.
– Baby, just in time! I have here the samples of the appetizers.
– Uh-huh…
– I cooked them, so you can see what they look like and try them. I'm warning you, mine are way better than the ones of the catering service, but you can have an idea and make up your mind… –she said smiling proud, guiding him to the dining room and making him seat at the head of the table after kissing him sweetly.
He sat and sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes. – You know, why don't you pick the one you like the most? I've done this twice after all, so, just have it your way…
Brooke froze. That was just too much to go unnoticed. – I know you've done this twice, but this is the first time you marry me! –she replied furious.
Her answer made him realize his comment had been both thoughtless and rude. – I'm sorry Brooke, I didn't mean…
– Yes you did. –she snapped visibly upset, cutting him off. Then she walked away, leaving him at the carefully set table.
Margo heard the scene from the kitchen. She went to her son. – Jack, what are you doing?
– What? –he asked frowning.
– Why are you mistreating your fiancée?
– I'm not mistreating her…
– Oh really? Then what was that about? "I've done this twice"? Are you out of your mind?
– Yeah, that was stupid to say, I didn't mean to… I'm just… stressed.
– Jack, you're not involved in this wedding at all. You've barely been around Brooke since you announced your engagement. What's going on with you?
– Nothing… –he assured, walking away from his mother.
But Margo was pissed. She just couldn't believe how obstinate his son could be. – Don't make something stupid Jack, I'm telling you. No matter what that man told you, no matter the crazy things you might be thinking right now, there's only one fact: Katherine is dead, and nothing will ever change that…
He felt his blood boil in enragement and faced Margo with a hatred look. – Tell me, mother, will you ever stop telling me what to do and trying to control me? –he asked with a scathing voice.
– If I could've controlled you just once in my life, I would've prevented you from going through so many things Jack… Like this… –she stated furious with a burning gaze, and then turned her back on him to go to her room.
Brooke went out of the house to calm down and take some air. She didn't understand what was wrong with Jack, but it hurt her and scared her. It had to be his stress, she justified, they were going through a huge change in their lives, he was leaving his job, his house and even the state, that had to be tough. Yet she couldn't stifle her tears. Why he wasn't as happy as her? She was walking on the sidewalk when she found herself in front Claire's door. She decided to knock.
Claire opened and looked pleasantly surprised. – Brooke, hi! What are you doing here?
Brooke tried to hide her uneasiness. – Hey… I was… taking a walk and I decided to stop by, but if you're busy I can come back some other time…
– What are you talking about?! Come in!
Brooke went inside the house. – Your house is beautiful, I think I'd never been here before…
– Oh, blame on me. We're always at Jack's, it's like our Holy See… –Then Claire noticed Brooke was blue. – You want something to drink? It's hot out there, we can use a beer… –she suggested with a smug smile.
– Definitely…
Claire took two bottles and invited Brooke to the terrace. – So, you ready for the big day?
– Yeah… almost… –Brooke replied discouraged.
Claire knew she was upset and also imagined the reason why. Everybody had noticed Jack's mood. She remained silent, waiting for Brooke to speak.
– Uh, Claire… This days I was home… did anything happen to Jack?
– What makes you think that?
– Well… he's been… weird… call me crazy, but it seems like he couldn't stand my presence, and he's just told me to have the wedding my way 'cause "he's done it twice". –she complained with the voice broken. – He just doesn't care… –she said finally breaking into tears.
Claire opened her eyes wider in disbelief. This was worse than she thought. – Oh honey, no! Don't cry… there's nothing wrong with Jack… he's just… nervous, that's all. The moving, the wedding, you know… –she said rubbing gently her back, trying to comfort her.
– Right… but that's not true. These things don't make him nervous, you know that… –Brooke replied looking intently at Claire, like she wanted to read her mind. – Please Claire, I need to know. –she begged.
Claire sighed. She knew that could happen. It wasn't fair for Brooke. – Yeah… Uh… listen, Brooke… Remember that friend of Jack you asked me about?
– James?
– James, right… Uh… well, he's not his friend… you might have heard of him as Sawyer…
Brooke went numb. Of course, she thought, that's why she had found him familiar. She knew everything about him from the plane crash, but especially, she knew he was the man Kate was running away with and some sort of Jack's nemesis. That couldn't be good at all. – God! What does he want?! –she asked worried to death.
Claire looked away. – Um… I think you should ask Jack, I promised not to tell… –she stated, giving her a complicity look.
Brooke nodded. – Don't worry, I know how to ask him… Thanks Claire… –she said with a short smile, standing up and leaving the terrace.
Back in Jack's house, she learnt from Margo he had gone to the hospital again. She felt upset. She hoped he wouldn't be long. They had to talk. She tried to distract her mind from negative thoughts and looked for the kids to spend some time with them. They always made her smile.
Then she tried on Jackie the dress she was using for the wedding. She was going to be the flower girl and was delighted about it. But that day in particular, Jackie was totally worked up. When Brooke asked her what was going on, Jackie told her something that worked her up even more.
Once the kids went to bed, she needed to clear up her mind. Jack wasn't home yet. She longed for the terrace at her parents' home. She could always think clearly when she was there. She ventured to the attic. It had a big window with a wide frame. It was kind of small and not very high, but still she could see in the horizon the lights of the city and be on her own.
When Jack arrived, he found the house dark and silent. He felt terrible for being so mean to Brooke. He looked for her in the bedroom, but she wasn't there. He wandered the house and couldn't find her anywhere. He always felt uneasy when he didn't know where she was.
He went upstairs again and when he walked the corridor to his room, he felt a draft coming from the attic. He rushed there and found Brooke sitting on her legs at the window frame, engrossed in her thoughts.
– What are you doing here? –he asked kind of amused, gripping her shoulders and kissing her head shortly. He was happy to see her after all.
– I needed a high view… How was your day, everything okay at the hospital?
He joined her and sat beside her. – Yeah, everything's fine… I just had to explain some details to the new Chief of Surgery. I'm officially done now…
– Who did they appoint in the end?
– Derek…
– Wow… I'm so glad for him… I thought they'd choose Patrick though…
– Patrick doesn't want to be enslaved to the hospital yet. He wants to keep writing and doing his lectures...
– Right…
– The kids, they were good to you?
– Sure, they always are… Jackie's been a little cranky though…
– Why?
– She says she can't see the bride… –she affirmed with sorrow in her voice.
He looked in her eyes, puzzled. – What?
– In her dreams… she says she's seen herself as the flower girl, but she can't see my face…
He shook his head in confusion. – I'm sorry, what are we talking about here?
Brooke had to look away to hide the tears forming in her eyes. She took a deep breath and went on. – Your daughter's very special Jack. She has a gift. So far, I'm certain she has premonitions, but maybe there's more…
He was reluctant to admit it, but knew it was true. – Yeah… I know… you want to… talk about it?
She cut to the chase. – Your friend, James… I've remembered where I know him from…
Jack looked away, uneasy… – Uh-huh…
– He's Sawyer… –He rubbed his eyes after he heard that. Sometimes he hated that Brooke was so damn smart. – What was he doing here Jack? –she asked determined.
– Nothing… he just borrowed some money, that's all…
Brooke nodded and threw a wry smile. – I can't believe we're going through this again… –she stated.
– Through what? –he asked abashed.
– You're keeping me out and lying to me again…
He sighed, defeated. She was right and that was not good. He looked at her and remembered he was sitting in front of the best friend he'd ever had. Why was he hiding anything from her? He decided to let it out. – That night, when I told you everything about me, I never asked you… –She remained silent waiting for the question. – You think Kate was a bad person?
Brooke stiffened. Her worst fear was appearing right before her eyes. This was about Kate. – I think she made a huge mistake… more than one, actually… but no, I don't think she was a bad person… –she looked at him with fear in her eyes. – Why you ask me that baby?
– Sawyer… he came here to tell me Kate wasn't leaving me that night… She was just lending him some money. Everything was an accident… –he affirmed.
Brooke swallowed, disconcerted. She understood it was a shocking news, but she didn't see yet what it had to do with them and their wedding. Her thoughts were cut off by Jack. – What do you think?
– Well, uh, wow… –she hesitated. – Well, I think it's kind of a relief, isn't it? You won't be carrying that weight anymore…
– I was so hard on her Brooke… that's why she couldn't trust me… If I hadn't been so tough she might be alive and…
– What are you talking about? You think it's your fault that she died? –she asked almost frantic, not believing what he'd said.
– No, it's just… All these years I believed she had never really loved me… I even hated her for what she'd done. But now… it was all a misunderstanding…
Brooke started feeling very anxious with his words. She didn't know how to handle that. – Honey, I don't mean to sound brutal but… what difference does it make? She's gone…
– It makes a whole difference! You just don't get it Brooke! –he snapped annoyed. He didn't believe she was being so insensitive.
She couldn't take it anymore. His confusion made her heart feel pierced. – I thought you'd fallen in love with me for who I am, not only because you believed Kate was a bad person! –she yelled in tears, and then rushed downstairs leaving him behind.
After a while he returned to the bedroom, but Brooke wasn't there. She had stayed in the guestroom. He walked in and found her asleep, the pillow still wet for her endless tears. He sat on the bed beside her, but didn't dare to touch her. He didn't want to wake her up.
As he watched her sleep, he realized he loved her so much it hurt. He hated the fact of being so far away from her right now. But he also noticed his feelings for Kate had changed. He didn't hate her anymore, but he didn't know what he felt for her either. He felt broken and confused.
He wished Sawyer hadn't told him anything about that night. Now he felt he owed Kate. She wasn't a betrayer. I'm the betrayer, he concluded, while caressing gently Brooke's hair, the hair he loved so much.
The next day was Monday. It was almost noon and Jack hadn't seen Brooke for a minute. Now she was avoiding him. The night before she had been thinking about the situation, about Jack's behavior and what he had told her about Kate. She felt torn, but she had made a decision.
She had to face her worst fear. She left the guestroom and looked for him. Margo was busy with the boxes, moving such a huge house was being hell. The kids were helping her. Brooke went to the attic. She had the feeling she'd find Jack in there. Margo watched her going up and rubbed her temple in huge concern.
When Brooke got to the attic, she found Jack sitting on the floor, surrounded by many open boxes. He was looking with a sweet smile at some pictures. Brooke felt her world crash into dust. They were pictures of Kate. – Hey… –she said almost in a whisper.
He felt overdraft. – Honey… where have you been the whole day? –he asked with a guilty look.
– Just… around… –she said with the saddest gaze she had, staring at the picture in Jack's hand.
– I was… sorting these boxes… This place's a mess… –he assured looking away and putting the pictures back in a box.
– Jack… I need to talk to you…
Fearing the worst, he immediately stood up from the floor and spoke. – Brooke, I'm so sorry about last night… I wasn't myself… I know I haven't been here for you, but you have nothing to worry about, everything's fine… –he stated.
But Brooke looked down, tears forming in her eyes. – Jack, I know that look on your face… It's the same you had when we first started dating and you were not sure about your feelings for me…
– What are you talking about? –he asked with fear in his gaze.
– You're having second thoughts…
– I'm not! –he affirmed desperate, like trying to convince himself.
– Jack… I've never wanted to live under Kate's shadow, and I'm not starting now… –she said breaking into tears, whilst she took her engagement ring off and put it in his palm, closing his fist around it.
– Are you breaking up with me? –he asked frantic, not believing it.
– No Jack, I'm not. I love you too much to even dare to break up with you. All I'm doing is giving back to you the promise you made me…
– Brooke, please don't do this…
But she placed her hand on his lips to shut him up. – I'm going back home tonight and I want you to keep this ring so you can make up your mind… That way… –she said with a broken voice– when you come looking for me, you'll put it back on my finger and I'll be sure that you love me unconditionally, no matter what…
– But I love you and you know it!
– It's four days for our rehearsal Jack… I'll be waiting for you… Just do me a favor… Don't marry me if you still love her…–she pleaded. Then she threw herself in his arms and held him tight. Soon after she looked in his eyes and kissed him passionately afterwards, as if it was the last time she kissed him. He could taste her salty tears and cried too.
– You need to know something… Kate was not a bad person, but she was a fool. It's not your fault she wasn't honest with you. If it had been me, I would've told you what I was doing that night without a doubt, 'cause I'm sure you would've supported me. That was her mistake Jack, she didn't know you enough… –she affirmed determined cupping his face. Then she walked away.
– Brooke! –he shouted, but he had no will to stop her.
At night, Hurley offered to drive Brooke to the airport. Charlie joined them. Margo and Claire watched them leaving with a dark feeling in their hearts. Jack had been in his studio the whole day, and all he heard since he'd left the attic was the engine of Hurley's Hummer getting away. What saddened him the most was knowing Brooke was right. He was doubting.
– Daddy? –Jackie asked, appearing in front of his armchair.
– Hey… why you're still awake? Come on, I'll tuck you in…
– It's okay daddy, I just want to kiss you goodnight.
He held his daughter tight, sitting him on his lap, and sighed deeply when he felt her close to him. – Dad… can I ask you something?
– Sure…
Jackie looked at him intently. – If you could go back in time, would you make something different?
He frowned, disconcerted. – Like what?
– I don't know, anything…
– There's no use in thinking about that Jackie, you can't change the past. What's done is done…
– Yeah, but if you could?
He thought for a moment. – Uh, yeah, I guess I'd make some things different…
Then he noticed and unreadable look on Jackie's face. – I just asked Brooke the same question before she left…
– Oh yeah?
– She said she would only change one thing…
He felt curious. – What?
– She said she'd stop mommy from leaving the house the night she died… She said you'd be happier that way…
He froze. That statement was sweet and sour at the same time. He didn't know what to say. – What about you daddy? Would you stop her too? –Jackie continued.
– Of course… –he replied immediately, without an ounce of hesitation.
Jackie frowned disconcerted. – But that way you would've never met Brooke.
– Yeah… maybe…
– So you'd give her up just like that? –she asked in disbelief.
– No, not just like that… I mean… –listening to himself saying that to his daughter only made him feel worse. That's when he realized why Brooke was so upset. – This is not fair Jackie, all these you're asking me…
Then Jackie kneeled on his lap and cupped his face, crossing him with her sight. – You should think about it dad. Because sometimes, wishes can come true… –then she let him go and left the studio, leaving him with that question on his mind.