"Hey—Tannor!"

The drell turned from the bay window, arms clasped behind his back. He looked worse than he had a week ago, a little redder around the—were those gills?

"Major Alenko. I hear congratulations are in order."

"The staff have been talking, huh? Well, I haven't accepted Spectre status yet. We'll see." Kaidan dropped rather unceremoniously into one of the two chairs. It was good to be allowed into the patient lounge, even if he had to wear hospital garb. Soon he'd be back into his own clothes and back into action—or so everyone promised him. "How are you?"

Tannor took the other chair, leaning forward on its edge. "I am as I should be. It won't be much longer now."

Kaidan looked down at his hands. What was it like, having a countdown on your life? Hell, perhaps they all had it, with the Reapers pouring in. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"As am I."

A flock of birds flew by the window. It was strange, this peacefulness, especially in a hospital. Other hospitals in the galaxy were likely soaked through with blood. "Are you leaving behind any family?"

Tannor nodded. "A son. There is also a woman I love. I—" He sat back, giving into a bout of coughing. "Well," he said at last, "it's simple enough to say that they are the sole source of my reluctance to go."

"I understand."

"In all honesty I do not fear for my son so much as I fear for—well. It is of no matter. I suppose it means I am terribly selfish." Tannor offered him a weak smile. "I am sorry; I see you for the second time and I unload my greatest fears. Death works oddly on one's mind."

Kaidan shook his head. "It's fine. I can't say I understand how you must feel—I've only ever been on the losing end. But, I can imagine it works both ways."

"Yes." Tannor's eyes took on a fevered glaze. "It is as though the very peace in my soul has been ripped away—as though I am denied the calm honor of my passing simply because I would kill to have a life with her. A real life—a long life for both of us. A life free of—of all this."

Kaidan nodded. "Now that feeling I know quite well."

Tannor glanced at him, eyes narrowed slightly. "The...nurses say you are involved with Commander Shepard. I would imagine that such a relationship would result in such sentiment."

Damned nurses. "No—no, I wouldn't go that far. Maybe once. Maybe again one day. I don't know. It doesn't seem right to think about given the state of the galaxy, you know?" And given the fact that he felt a queasy combination of rage and heartache anytime he thought of it. So much for Shepard loving him. He sighed. That wasn't fair. It was his own damn fault for what he had said on Horizon—and hers for joining Cerberus. At least they were both confused, even if she still loved some Cerberus assassin.

Tannor nodded, eyes again turning to the bay window. "Indeed. But I have learned the lesson that setting aside that which is closest to your heart always ends painfully."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Not much I can do about it while I'm stuck here, though."

A silence stretched between them. Kaidan liked Tannor despite himself—befriending a dying man was pure idiocy, but there was something to Tannor that made him impossible to turn away. He supposed it was all in the drell's history; Kaidan had always been drawn to impossibly complicated individuals. Hell, Shepard could be their queen.

"I've met the Commander."

That was news. "Really? Where?"

The drell smiled, and in that smile there was a faint sadness. "When she was fighting the Collectors. I was a stronger man, then. We ran a few missions together. She seems a remarkable woman."

Despite the rage and the heartbreak a smile bloomed on Kaidan's face—every time. She still got him every time. "She is. She really is." He shook the grin away—so foolish. "What was it you did? To help her?"

Tannor shrugged. "The hanar choose promising young drell to become their agents, to interact with the galaxy in ways the hanar cannot. I was once chosen for such an honor and was thus able to help the Commander when the opportunity arose. I was able to provide a good amount of intel and resources."

"I am surprised you chose to help Cerberus."

"I did not choose to help Cerberus. I chose to fight Collectors."

Christ, Shepard would love this guy. Hell, they probably made great pals on the few missions they had. "Did you come to know her well? Were you on many missions?"

The drell leaned forward; Kaidan tried to read the look on his face but Tannor turned his head away. "I came to know her well enough that I question how she will manage. The Reapers, the warring between the races, the destruction of her home planet. I question how she will deal with it."

So Tannor didn't know her that well after all. "Shepard will get it done. She always does."

"You misunderstand me. I do not question whether she will accomplish the impossible; I question what it will do to her soul. I question whether she will sleep at night. I question whether she feels incredibly alone."

"She has many people that care for her. She is not alone."

Tannor stood, moving closer to the window and turning his back on Kaidan. "Yes, but what will happen to her when those people die?"

Kaidan thought this over. It was a fair question and a frightening one, possible as it seemed. What would happen if Liara died—or Garrus? What would Shepard have done if she had survived the Normandy's explosion in a more...conventional sort of way? Kaidan shook his head. "We won't die—we'll fight through. I got better here, and others are already on the Normandy, keeping her strong. We're all fighting beside her, Tannor. You don't have to worry about Commander Shepard failing you. She will stop the Reapers. It's what she does—she'll secure the galaxy for your son and the woman you love. It's her purpose in life, helping people like you."

Tannor nodded sharply, his hands tightening behind his back. "Yes. I suppose you are correct. It is good to know that she will have someone like you beside her when things become difficult."

"I hope so." If he rejoined the Normandy—if Shepard was truly removed from Cerberus. There was so much uncertainty; hell, he still had to decide on becoming a Spectre.

"I hope so as well." Tannor hung his head for a moment. "I may have—I believe that I should confess something—"

"Father?"

Kaidan started at the voice, twisting around to see a second drell approaching them. Kaidan rose to his feet, fighting off the vague dizziness that followed.

Tannor kept his back turned. "Kolyat. Major, this is my son."

"Nice to meet you, Kolyat."

The other drell nodded and returned Kaidan's handshake. "Major Alenko. My father has mentioned you."

"Favorably, I hope."

Kolyat nodded, his concern drifting to his father. "Always. If you'll excuse me." Kolyat moved towards Tannor, resting a hand on his father's shoulder. "Father, are you alright? Why are you cr—"

Tannor straightened. "Let's go, Kolyat. I only have an hour before treatments and I promised you lunch." He glanced towards Kaidan. "A pleasure as always, Major. I apologize for the gravitas of today's meeting."

Kaidan shook his head, waving his hand dismissively. If anyone needed a shoulder it was this guy. "No, I understand. I really do. Anytime you need to talk."

"Thank you, Major. Until next time."

A thought struck Kaidan as he watched them begin to depart, Kolyat's arm over his father's shoulders. Kaidan hurried to catch up to them. "Wait, Tannor—what was it you wanted to confess?"

Kolyat's eyes widened. "Father—"

Tannor took a deep breath, coughing rather calmly into his fist. "I wished merely to confess my belief that the greatest heroes are only as strong as the people they love. It is a truth that applies to any individual, but to heroes most of all." For a moment Tannor looked incredibly sad; a bout of coughing washed it away. "I beg you to remember this belief whenever you turn your mind to Commander Shepard. You seem to be a good man, Major Alenko. An exceptional one, perhaps. She will need someone like you."

"I—" Kaidan looked at Tannor and his son. What was there to say? "Of course, Tannor. Thank you."

Tannor nodded. "And congratulations again on your Spectre nomination. Until next time, Major."

"Goodbye, Tannor."

Kaidan wandered back to his room, feeling more worn out than a spell in a comfortable chair merited. Poor Tannor—poor Kolyat. He wondered if Kolyat would get the same disease Tannor had, or if Tannor's lover had it as well. Was it something all drell came to suffer from? Kaidan would have to look it up on the extranet later—now he would rest.

He lay back on his bed and closed his eyes. He would become a Spectre. How could he say no to those resources? They'd be invaluable in the war; there was literally no other way he could obtain such status and ability. And if he chose to rejoin Shepard, well, two Spectres had to be better than one.

And hell, maybe Tannor was right. Kaidan would email Shepard after officially accepting Udina's offer. Maybe he'd ask her if he could rejoin the Normandy after getting all his ducks in a row; he still had his students to track down, even if the doctors wanted him to rest.

Poor Tannor—hell, even that was an understatement. What would it be like to feel your life slipping away? Had Shepard felt that when she died? Did she remember it now, whatever she was?

He squeezed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Rest. All he could do was rest and hope his body would sense his urgency to heal.