The only thing more nerve-wracking than herding the councilors away from Cerberus, Kaidan surmised, was standing about in a room after the threat had passed. C-Sec had yet to send the official all-clear, literally scouring the pores of the Citadel for remaining agents. Until then the Councilors were penned up in the asari's office to think about how important they were.

The salarian councilor was in a state—though given the circumstances Kaidan was amazed that the others were so calm. The other Spectre in the room—Bau, he thought—was just as calm as the remaining two councilors, as though Cerberus breaking into the Citadel was merely an insult, nothing more. As though it was every day that Commander Shepard shot down Councilor Udina—as though it was every day Kaidan stared down the wrong end of Shepard's gun. They all seemed cool and collected, save for the salarian and the thoughts within Kaidan's head.

And here he'd thought he was tough as nails. Second Human Spectre, indeed.

"I'm telling you, Bau—I want him healed! The highest level of attention! The most expensive medicine!" Councilor Valern was actually waving his hands in the air, bringing them down in sharp punctuation. "He's a hero!" Bau made a helpless motion with his shoulders, glancing at Kaidan for clarity. Kaidan returned the shrug; the salarian had been raving about his hero ever since returning to the group. It was hard to get anything coherent from all the shouting.

"Shut up, will you?" The turian spoke from what could only be described as a furious sulk, eyes locked on the floor. "We've had enough loud noise for one day."

"Sparatas, please." The asari turned her gaze to the salarian, attempting to spread her palms. "Be calm, Valern. Shouting like this will do nothing for him now." The asari flinched and rubbed her elbow; Kaidan had to admit that Udina had thrown her down rather hard. She'd probably never hit the ground like that in her life—or maybe she had. Kaidan sighed and checked his rifle. Hell if he knew—all he could focus on was the sudden hole that had blossomed in Udina's chest.

"Do not try to calm me, Tevos—no, don't you dare try to calm me! That could have been me with a sword in my stomach! No—I want him to receive the highest accommodations. Dammit, make them hurry the systems back online! How many drell can there possibly be on the Citadel? What if he needs a donor—a transplant! Get me resources!"

Kaidan had the sudden sensation of ice spreading through his stomach. "This hero, sir—he's a drell?"

"Yes! Yes! He was horribly—"

Kaidan snapped his gun onto his back. "Bau, can you handle this? I'll check in on Huerta Memorial, see if there's a drell there."

"Thank the goddess," Tevos murmured, cutting in over Bau's response. "Go, please. Message us with anything you hear."

"Hurry!" Valern moved as though to shove Kaidan out the door but Kaidan was already on his way, long strides launching him down the smoking hallways. He eyed a civilian looking warily from her car to the hectic byways, as though calculating the amount of Cerberus shuttles that could cloak themselves in traffic.

"Ma'am—I'm sorry. I need to seize your vehicle. Spectre business."

"What? You can't—"

Kaidan narrowed his eyes, calling on the voice he'd used with his more troublesome students. "It's an emergency, ma'am."

The car's door beeped open and Kaidan sped towards the hospital, torn between his amazement of the wreckage below him and a vague sense of sheepishness. There was no way the drell was Tannor. When Kaidan had left him the drell had been hard pressed to walk around, let alone save a councilor. Nonetheless he felt pressed by an acute terror, the image of the hole in Udina's chest matching one in Tannor's stomach.

He abandoned the car outside of the hospital. Huerta Memorial likely looked like all the other galactic hospitals now; parts of the floor were slick with blood, the cries of too many people in pain forming a sharp chorus. Kaidan waded into the fray, searching for someone to give him answers. Finally he snagged a doctor by the shoulder, ignoring the furious look this merited.

"I'm looking for an injured drell—"

"Back there, in intensive." The doctor shook Kaidan off in a way that would impress any soldier, leaving him to fend for himself.

The smell in the heart of the hospital was—not unlike any other. No, it was like that of a battlefield, once the carnage was completed but still fresh. Kaidan eyed a lone doctor looking at a datapad and descended upon him, refraining, this time, from physical contact. "Excuse me. I am looking for a drell. Tannor Nuara. He's a regular—"

The doctor winced under Kaidan's words, looking up reluctantly. "I'm sorry. You just missed him."

There was no ice in Kaidan's stomach now, no fear creeping up his spine. He felt an odd wave of nothingness. "You mean?"

"I'm afraid so." The doctor glanced at the door behind Kaidan. "The surgery went well—we were able to patch everything up. He'd lost too much blood, however, and given his condition..." The doctor trailed off, glancing off as a nurse hailed him. "I'm very sorry. His family is in with him now. Perhaps it is best to wait for them to finish their goodbyes."

Kaidan watched the doctor move away. He could hear it now, a sharp cry of loss emanating from the door behind him. It was a sound he had known all too well himself, once, ripping from his chest at the sight of an unforgiving escape pod.

He moved to the side window, hoping, if anything, for a final glance of his friend. Tannor looked peaceful, head turned towards the large windows facing the Citadel gardens, hands folded gracefully on his chest. Kolyat had his head bowed in prayer, his arm around the shaking shoulders of a crying human woman.

The woman was Shepard. The world went silent for a moment, and dim. Kaidan was sure he felt himself die a little, separated as he was from everything he knew.

And then everything was normal. The sounds returned, the smells. Kaidan reached out for a sense of anger and betrayal that was not there. He stared at this woman he knew, watching her go through the harried motions of composure, taking deep, desperate breaths as she scrubbed away a few errant tears. Her motions were once his, and—oddly, cruelly—he had never felt so close to her as he did in this moment. She glanced up and he moved away before she could see him, fleeing the hospital and its stench.

Now Shepard would understand exactly what he had gone through. It was a disgusting, hateful thought. It did nothing to alleviate the sadness within him, nothing to alleviate the vague sense of guilt he felt for Tannor's death. If Tannor had only told him—

But speculations were pointless.

Kaidan took the car back to its owner's location, locking the keys inside when he didn't see her. He called Bau on his omni-tool, delivering the news in short, clipped phrases. Then he turned on his heel and headed towards the Normandy. There was no question of where he was needed now. He loved Shepard, regardless of anything. There was no way he would let her go through this alone.

He removed his gear before entering the Normandy's airlock, placing the pile behind his feet. It was odd even being in the airlock; already memories were blooming before him. He felt a moment's consternation for all the familiar faces he would see, all the explanations he'd have to make. The adrenaline of Mars was long gone; Garrus, he knew, would want more than a few answers and Joker was likely to ream him a new one. It would be best, perhaps, to simply accept Hackett's offer, to leave behind the squad—to avoid any and everything having to do with Tannor and Shepard. He could walk away now, shoot off a message and go. He sighed, steeling himself; it would be easy, but it would be wrong.

Kaidan closed his eyes and began to wait. There were some things, he knew, that a person just had to do.