~*BROKEN PROMISES*~
Chapter 5 – Fading
A/N: I'm about to make a TON of team Jake fans really pissed at me. What can I say, Jake is still sexy to me and will always be … even as the undead… All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer… I just like turning wolves into blood thirsty sexy ass vamps…
I meant to sympathize I meant to be your friend
I know I apologize and wont erase the end
But I learn that moving on, is where I must begin
When our colors mixed
We couldn't fix the way they wouldn't blend
So tell me
How long, how long have we been down?
How long, how long have we been down?
How long, how long have we been down?
Down, down, yeah
And I wish that only greatness, would follow you around
I hope to God, you find a way from down
When you do I hope you share it with me
Please try to understand, yeah to understand me
Just try to understand me, yeah understand me
How long, how long have we been down yeah.
Down, down, yeah
Been Down – Blue October
JacobPOV
The next two days were spent with friends and family members dropping in at the house. Charlie and Bella stayed by my side throughout the two day ordeal. I still have no idea what they're going to do with all the food that everyone brought. I didn't feel like eating, and I knew that in another day it wouldn't matter if I could or not.
For the last two days, I've wracked my brain trying to figure out a way to tell Bella about the decision I made. It was my decisions to make and I only hoped that she would understand why I had to do this.
The Cullen family came by late one night after the house emptied of everyone except Charlie, Bella and I. Alice was wearing black and it accented her pale skin. I noticed something I don't think anyone else had paid much attention to. When the Cullens would pass under certain kinds of light, it seemed like their skin was painted with fairy dust.
I just prayed that I didn't sparkle like some fucking pansy.
Dr. Cullen introduced his wife to Charlie and Bella. Alice, Esme and Jasper seemed like they were really sorry about my dad's death. The other three acted like they didn't give two shits. Spending eternity with those three wasn't exactly my idea of fun; but I guess I had to learn how to deal with their shit too.
I was standing with Bella as Edward approached the two of us. His face was not friendly and I was worried that he would say something about what was going to happen in front of Bella. He smiled when the thought crossed my mind.
God damnit Cullen. If you as much breathe a word to Bella about my decision, when I do turn I'll fucking rip that smug ass look right of your fucking face… got me?
Edward grinned right at me.
"Jacob I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I have something for you out in the car. Can you help me bring it in?"
Well fuck. I guess making threats before I'm changed wasn't exactly the brightest thing huh?
Edward tried not to laugh as he escorted me to the car. Bella looked like she wanted to jump in front of us, and I could feel that she was thinking the same thing -that Edward was about to kill me. Lucky for me, she had no idea why.
We walked to a beautiful silver Volvo sitting in my driveway. We stepped to the other side of it, away from the view of everyone. I tried not to think it, but I knew this could be really bad.
I looked over Edward's shoulder and saw Bella standing in the doorway.
"Jacob, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but I think what you are about to do is the dumbest fucking thing ever."
"Thanks, but since when did someone assign my conscience to you?"
"When you decided to die. You do realize that this is technically suicide right?"
"Alice said she saw me dying at thirty with children, and leaving Bella to take care of the after effects. Can you imagine what that would be like for her? For our kids?"
"Alice's visions are subjective. They can change Jacob. Just because she saw a vision of you like that doesn't mean it will happen. I'm trying to make you understand how important this is."
"Edward, I don't like the fact that you've gone all mushy-mushy on me now. This is my decision and I've decided that I want this, and neither you nor any of your brothers or sisters can change my mind."
Edward fell silent for a minute.
"What was it like?" I asked Edward.
"I felt pain like I'd never felt before. It didn't compare to what I'd already gone through, though. I was dying from Spanish influenza and Carlisle was my doctor. He promised my mother that he would save me."
"How old are you?"
"I'm seventeen."
"No I mean, how old are you in vampire years?"
"I'm one-hundred and seven years old."
I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Jacob seriously. You've got people in that house right now who love you dearly. Bella is worried sick about you. I wish you could read her thoughts. She's frantic and worried I'm going to devour you right now. You've got family, friends… when I was turned I had no one… think about this, please."
"I've made my decision."
"I know your true intentions Jacob. Death is supposed to be a natural occurrence. You are only doing this because you are afraid of what will happen if you live. I would give anything on this earth to be human again, and I honestly don't know a vampire that wants to be in this position."
"You know nothing of my intentions, Edward!"
"I hear your thoughts Jacob. It's death you fear more than anything. If you do this, you'll be nothing but a monster."
"I'll take it on then. I'll be a monster. I realize what I'm doing."
"You aren't going to let this go are you?"
"No, Edward I'm not."
"Fine. I hope you enjoy disappointment."
Edward got into his car and drove away.
Bella still stood in the doorway as I ran my fingers through my hair. Tomorrow would be the night of my end and yet, I still couldn't figure out how to tell Bella.
BellaPOV
Jacob had acted weird since his return from the Cullen house. I expected pain and frustration but instead was met with a very calm personality. If that had been Charlie instead of Billy, I'd be on the floor bawling my eyes out. Jacob seemed at peace and this bugged me.
His weird behavior continued on throughout the next two days and when the Cullens came to visit him, it seemed as though it was his long lost extended family. Esme and Carlisle were very gracious towards Jacob and even Edward seemed to be friendly.
As I watched the two of them walk to Edward's car, I hoped that Edward wasn't taking him out to kill him. Jacob kept looking over Edward's shoulder and I noticed that they were engrossed in a heavy conversation. I noticed that Jacob seemed on edge about something and then Edward got into his face. I watched as Edward drove away and Jacob stood in the drive looking extremely frustrated.
He kicked around a couple of rocks but had yet to make any attempt in coming back in the house. I finally had enough of worrying and decided it was time for us to have a talk.
I joined him out in the summer night. The clouds gave way to the stars and moonlight, and he looked so beautiful standing with his hands in his pockets. Jacob's skin was beautiful and dark, it was one of the million things I loved about him.
"Is everything ok?" I asked him.
"I'm not sure, Bella. We need to talk."
Those four words can drive any human being insane. The mere thought of what they could mean can make my skin crawl. Nothing good has ever come out of "we need to talk."
He took me by the hand as we walked to our favorite spot on the beach.
Once were on the beach, with the sand between our toes, Jacob stood in front of me with the saddest look on his face. I just knew he was about to break up with me and I started shaking.
"Bella, I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you this for days now. What I'm about to tell you is something I'm doing for the both of us, to protect both of us for the future."
I started crying. I knew it. After all these years, Jacob has decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore.
"J-Jacob, please don't do this. Don't break up with me. Let me know what I can do to fix this. If you are upset over your dad, I'll give you some space - just don't end this with me," I sobbed.
Jacob looked confused, "Bella, I'm not leaving you or breaking up with you."
I looked up to meet his gaze. "You're not breaking up with me?"
"No, I'm not. I'm planning on spending eternity with you, Bells. I love you more than life itself, and that's why I've made my decision."
"And exactly what is that decision?"
Jacob dropped my hands and began to run his fingers through his hair again.
"I've decided to join the Cullens."
"You mean you are going to live with them. What the fuck would possess you to go live with the Cullens? Aren't you worried they'll eat you?"
Jacob giggled, "Not exactly what I meant Bella."
His face held a somber look and I gasped.
"No Jacob, don't do this. Do you realize what you are asking to be done?"
"Yes, Bella, I do. I can't deal with this life anymore. Alice had a vision about us in the future and it showed us married with children…"
"Well that's great Jacob, that's what I envisioned for our future too," I interrupted Jacob.
"Bells, she saw me developing cancer, the same kind Dad had, and I would die and leave you with our children to raise. I can't let that happen."
My heart felt like it could stop beating.
"Jacob, please, I'd rather have another ten to twenty years with you than to see you do this. You are pretty much damning your soul to hell if you do this."
"Bella, please, I need you to understand why I am doing this."
"Jacob, it seems like a pretty selfish move to make. What about your sisters, your friends… hell, what about me?"
I stared into Jacob's eyes and there was a huge sense of determination in them.
"When are you planning to do this?" I asked.
"Tomorrow night."
"Damnit, Jacob! We'll take preventative measures… have you checked every six months or something, but please just don't do this!" I begged him.
"Bella… I'm doing this for us."
"How the fuck are you doing this for us? I want you alive, heart beating, skin warm… and you want to die. Tomorrow night…"
"Bella, when we ran into Alice and Edward in the woods, I realized that even though I'm strong, I'm not strong enough to defend myself and you against everything in the world. I can't lose you. I need to do this, to protect you."
I bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming obscenities at him. Jacob reached forward trying to take me into his arms but I wouldn't have it.
"Jacob Black, don't touch me right now. I'm going back to my house tonight. Tomorrow, after the funeral, if you still want to do this, I'm sorry. I don't think I could be with you anymore."
I left Jake standing on the water's edge and didn't look back. The tears streamed down my face. I had to find a to pull him away from the edge of this cliff… just like he pulled me from mine so many moons ago.
JacobPOV
I knew Bella would take it hard. I had prepared myself for that. I didn't, however, think she would actually leave me. I figured I'd give her at least a night to realize that this was the best thing for both of us.
I sat in my bedroom, looking over every square inch of it. I was about to say goodbye to the only home I ever had. I promised Dad I would take care of it, so I was going to ask Charlie if he'd like to have it. I didn't need it anymore, and I figured he'd love it.
I couldn't sleep a wink at all that night. The frustration of not being able to sleep on top of knowing that I would be saying goodbye to everyone kept me from sleeping.
I kept seeing Bella's face and I hoped that she would really understand this.
Morning came so quickly. I think I only got two hours of sleep, if that.
People began to pour over to my house around four in the afternoon. My dad was cremated and I was scattering his ashes over the ocean beside my house. I knew that Dad would have loved that. Rebecca and Rachel took care of those arrangements for me and I was glad that they finally made it home so I could say my goodbyes to them, too.
The last one to show up was Bella. She was wearing a strapless black sundress with her hair pulled up in a bun. She looked at me, but didn't come near me. I was beginning to question my decisions and yet a huge part of me realized that it was the best one to make.
The ceremony was short and very sad. Everyone had tears in their eyes as I walked to the water's edge to scatter my Dad's ashes. Before I opened the lid I said, "Dad, please don't be angry with me to for the decisions I've made for my mortality. I love you, and miss you. Rest in peace, Dad."
With that, I scattered them into the wind across the ocean. I stood for a moment watching them fly away. People began to file off the beach and back to the house. Rachel and Rebecca were going back to their homes this afternoon. Charlie and some of dad's friends were all sitting around drinking a beer and toasting my father. The Cullens didn't show up. I was kind of disappointed about them not being there, but the sun was out, so I had a feeling they wouldn't show.
I waited until the entire house was almost empty except for Charlie and Bella, and Sue Clearwater, who stuck around to help with the cleaning.
Once Sue was gone, Charlie asked me if I wanted to stay with them tonight. I politely declined. I looked at Bella and she turned her head away from me. I hated her not talking to me. I think Charlie sensed the tension between the two of us, because he gave us our privacy.
I walked up to Bella and she still wouldn't look at me.
I put my hand to her chin and lifted her face to mine. She had tears in her eyes.
"Bella, please, don't be angry with me."
"You are asking me to not be angry with you when you are doing something that could destroy the very fabric of our life together? Jacob, I had plans for us. I wanted to marry you, I wanted children, a house, everything with you."
"Bella we can still have all that, just not in the traditional sense."
"Jacob, I'm not going to help you participate in some type of charade. And I'm also not going to turn myself into a monster, either."
"Bella, I didn't ask you to."
"Jacob, think about this. You are seventeen years old. I'm eighteen. Do you realize that if I don't turn into a bloodsucker too, that I'll continue to get older until the day I die?"
"Bella, I don't care. I'll still love you no matter what." I said.
"Jacob, you honestly don't realize how odd it would look for the two of us to be together when I'm eighty and you are still seventeen."
I tried so hard to convince her, but it seemed like nothing I said could.
"Bella I'm about to leave in a bit to go to the Cullen house. I'd really like for you to come with me."
"What? To watch you kill yourself? You must be out of your fucking mind."
I tried again to hold her and she snatched away.
"Jacob Black, I've never been so disappointed in you, ever."
She turned around and walked out the front door.
I gathered myself up and turned the light off to the living room. I took one more sweep of the house I would always love, and shut the door. I hoped Bella would show up at the Cullen house. But I wasn't about to hold my breath.
The drive to the Cullen house was a somber one. I knew what I wanted and yet I felt alone in my decision.
As I approached the house, I started to worry about the death part. I knew that I was about to die. What if I didn't make it through the transformation? What if Bella hated me and never wanted to see me again?
These were the things keeping me from being absolutely certain about this decision. Then, I remembered my father - who suffered and died a horrible way, a way I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy.
I stopped in front of their house and debated on even getting out of the car.
I was once again greeted by Alice.
"Hey Jake. Are you ready to do this thing?"
"I'm actually feeling kind of queasy at the moment," I said to Alice.
She opened the door and took me by the hand.
But before she could lead me up the steps to the house, I saw a pair of headlights coming up the drive. I noticed the sound of the engine.
The truck stopped just short of where I stood and Bella popped out the truck slamming the door behind her.
"Jacob, wait."
She ran up to me.
Bella put her hands into mine and said, "Jacob, please, don't do this. I need you in my life."
Alice turned around and headed into the house to give us privacy. Well except for the fact that Edward was staring out the window right at us with a disgusted look on his face.
I grabbed her face into my hands and said, "Bella, I need to do this."
Bella stood with her face in my hands, then turned from me. She refused to look at me again.
My decisions were my own, but I knew that this one would come with major consequences. I wanted to tell her how much more this was about her than me, but she wouldn't hear it.
Bella pulled away and shouted, "You promised Jacob, you promised that you'd always be there for me and love me forever. You are breaking the biggest promise I've ever held anyone to."
I tried to pull her close to me and she snatched herself out of my arms.
She looked at me with her red, teary eyes and said, "Jacob Black, of all the people in this world who I thought would fuck me over, you were the very last on a long list of names. I'll never forgive you for this. I hope you enjoy living in hell."
And with that, Bella Swan, the girl of my dreams and the love of my life, walked away from me.
Edward stood at the window with a smug look on his face.
I was more ready than ever to begin this transformation. There were so many things I wanted to do once it was complete. The first item on my list? To beat the ever-living shit out of Edward Cullen.
I followed Alice into the house and everyone was gathered in the living room.
Pain kept filling my chest, and I knew it was because I'd hurt Bella so much. I hoped that after I was transformed, she'd listen to me, and hear me out. I planned to see her again really soon in the future. I had to do this.
"Jacob, I've got everything set and ready to up stairs," Carlisle said.
"How exactly is this going to work?"
"I was going to bite you, but decided the easiest and best way for you was to just do an injection. Now Jacob, I want you to understand, the venom we produce is very deadly and very painful. You are going to feel like your body is on fire, but once you make it through, you won't feel anything again."
"I guess better now than never, huh?"
Alice and Carlisle walked me up the steps. Before I made it to the top step, Edward stopped us and glared down at me.
"I want to make it known," he said, "that this is the biggest mistake ever. If I were Bella, I would never speak to you again. And you can forget about seeing her for at least two more years. You're going to regret this."
"Enough, Edward," Alice said. "I've seen his future, and it looks better than you could possibly know."
"Care to share some insight then," Edward said.
"No, I don't. This is one thing you are just going to have to trust me on."
And with that I was taken into a small room with a gurney. I laid down on it with a bright light shining above me. Carlisle strapped me in and I instantly felt like I was about to be put down by lethal injection. Technically, I guess I was.
I deserved it now. I'd hurt Bella, and her pain radiated through my body as the tears fell from my face.
"Ok Jacob, we're going to count to ten and then I'll push the injection through. Are you ready?"
"Yes," I said as the tears rolled down my face.
Carlisle grabbed my arm in his vice-like grip. With his other hand, he tapped just below where his hand held me, finding a suitable vein.
As the liquid was pushed into my body, I whispered, "I love you Bella, and I'm sorry."