~*BROKEN PROMISES*~

Chapter 7 – Nightmares

A/N: All the characters belong to S. Meyer.

If only I were blind to your selfish fling
and your desperate cause
and didn't press you for the details
that threaten my physical flaws

I'd like to come home to see you
and embrace your illness under soft light
but then you'd know how much I really need you

All the love in an instant
makes my life stop
but then my hate for you
makes my feelings altogether drop

Drop – Red House Painters

BellaPOV

Jacob stood at the end of a narrow alleyway between to brick buildings as the rain fell on us. I had a strong urge to run but as I stood, staring, I couldn't do it. I felt as though my legs had frozen to the wet pavement and my heart began to speed.

Jacob walked slowly towards me, almost gliding against the wind and rain. The closer he got, the more nervous I felt about him being near me. His yellow eyes met mine with fierceness and I just knew that it was moments before my life would end.

He reached his hand out to mine and as much as I tried to not lift my arm, I did anyway and he pulled me close to him. He took a deep breath, almost inhaling my scent fully. He exhaled with such a force that it blew through my hair. His scent was mesmerizing and enticing.

Jacob lifted my chin with his cold, strong hand until my gaze met his eyes.

"Bella, no matter what, I still love you…"

I awoke screaming in agony. It was the same pain I've felt over and over again since the day I walked away from Jacob, and as much as I tried, it never receded.

Everything around me, even though I was far away from Forks, reminded me of Jacob. Certain smells, foods, laughter, eyes… even plain white t-shirts reminded me of him.

I felt like the biggest idiot in the world sometimes but then again I still carried around all this hate and unhappiness for the decisions that Jacob made in all this. He was my love – my life – and yet he felt it necessary to throw all that away and it wasn't fair to me.

I sat up in my bed wiping the tears away from my eyes as I worked to collect myself. It was one a.m. in the morning and I would normally meet James at the coffee shop near the industrial club where he worked.

James was my makeshift boyfriend. I am not sure if I even love him. I do know that his love for me doesn't match mine and all the love I still carry for Jacob could never compare.

He's done more than his fair share of putting up with my bullshit. He knows about Jacob. He doesn't know the complete story though. He just assumes that Jacob was selfish and that's why I left him. I had to keep the whole vampires who could kill me thing under wraps.

I walked into the bathroom and pulled my hair back. The dark circles under my eyes were beginning to show through even more and I'm still shocked that I've made it two whole years without completely cracking under the sadness that surrounded me.

As I stared longer into the mirror, I thought of Jacob. If he were here right now, he'd come up behind me and put his strong arms around me and tell me to quit staring at myself, it was impossible for me to get prettier. I loved that about him. I never had to try.

I got dressed, only wearing a pullover hoodie and a pair of jeans. I put on my rain boots, grabbed my book bag and headed to the coffee shop to wait on James.

The rain couldn't make up its mind as it switched from heavy to light. I sat under the awning of the café just up the road from my apartment. In my hands I held my English 201 book and read the key points I needed for my upcoming mid-term. I watched at the cars passed by the café and it amazed me how even at two in the morning the streets of Seattle stayed busy.

I waited patiently on James. He was smart – sometimes too smart for his own good. He had a way of finding things that I couldn't dare consider looking for. I lost one pearl to the necklace I got as a graduation gift and he found it in two seconds.

I only wore that necklace on special occasions anyway. Any other time, I felt like my heart would rip into shreds at the mere thought of who gave it to me.

I often wondered how Jacob was doing. I'm sure by now I wouldn't even recognize him. I'm also quite certain that the Jacob I once loved didn't exist anymore and I'd be faced with a monster of sorts. I hated to admit to myself that the moment I would lay eyes on him, I'm sure would be the pure death of me – I would want back in his life and this scared me.

I almost considered the first year of our breakup to find him and let him know that I loved him no matter what. A huge part of me wanted to join him in that eternity but I considered a lot of things in the process. As much as I hated my mother, I'm sure she would have missed me. My father, Charlie, would have sent the FBI, CIA and any other source he could think of after me.

I wanted a normal life for myself and I thought Jacob could offer me that. The day he made his decision changed all that. Now I'm with James, and even though he's not Jacob, I still care a lot about him. He doesn't completely fill the void in my heart, but it comes close.

As I looked up James crossed the wet street to meet me at my table.

"Bella, love, don't you worry about catching a cold out here? You could have waited inside for me."

He reached down and kissed me on the cheek.

"I guess I could have, but I love people watching. This is the best place to do it."

James took a seat next to me and lifted the book I held in my hands.

"You know, you could always come to me if you have any questions about your English work."

I smiled at him, "James, I know English better than you."

He laughed so sweetly and said, "Yeah you do."

James has been on the President's list for his entire college career. He's super smart and has helped me through so much the past couple of years. He was my tutor in math at the beginning of my second year and we just hit it off pretty good after that.

It has been a slow going relationship, mostly due to my inability to even get close to another guy.

Jacob ruined that part of my life for me.

I talked to Charlie just last night and he informed me that Jacob was living in Seattle. That bugged and intrigued me at the same time. I hoped I wouldn't run into him, even though a huge part of me still wished I did out of sheer curiosity. I think I was more curious as to how he's handling all this.

As for me, I'm a wreck still.

James asked me to move in with him and even though I love the idea of waking up next to him, it seems a little rushed for me. I hate being that girl that goes home after a booty call to sleep in her own bed.

I'm also apprehensive because although it's been two years since the day Jacob left me, I still cry every single night for him.

I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake. And, I think James has caught onto it. Each time I let out a sigh or a whimper, he knows I'm thinking of Jacob. I'm sure it hurts him but I can't help how much I'm still in love with the stupid boy.

James excused himself for a brief moment to get a cup of coffee. I looked across the street and saw a familiar face. I instantly realized who it was. Jessica Stanley walked towards the industrial club where James worked. Fucking great. I wondered if she'd try to hit on James now too. I'm sure she would if she knew he was with me.

After I broke up with Jacob, she'd question me every chance she had about what happened and where he went off to. She even got as bold and brash to ask my permission to call him. I laughed at the thought of it. I finally just told her sure, if she could find him.

If it wasn't for Charlie, I wouldn't have even found out if his transformation was successful or not. Just knowing he was alive made things a little easier on me, but being at odds with my hate and distrust for him made it harder to forgive him.

James exited with a venti latte for me and a small coffee for him. I sat staring still as Jessica disappeared in the distance.

James realized who I was staring at and said, "Do you know that girl?"

"Yeah I do. I went to high school with her. Her name's Jessica."

James laughed. "She likes to flirt, a ton. She tried that shit with me but it didn't fly. I told her I was involved."

"Did you tell her who you were involved with?"

"No I didn't, why?"

I laughed. "If she knew you were attached to me, she'd try to be in your pants in two seconds flat. She was always jealous of me and…"

I tried not to say his name. It always hurt James for me to even mention it.

"You and Jacob," he finished for me.

"Yeah… sorry."

A wash of anguish fell over his face and he glanced down at his hands. James didn't say anything for a short time. I hated doing that to him. I'd always said that I didn't blame him if he left me.

I deserved it.

I deserved to be alone.

I finally broke the silence, "You know it's getting late. We should probably head back home."

"Bella, wait, before we go," James said grabbing my hand.

"I've been wondering something. Do you think you could stay the night with me tonight?"

I sat there for a second trying so hard to say yes. I wanted to. I wanted to wake up in James' arms but I knew the minute I fell asleep, I'd dream of Jacob and the pain and agony would start again. I would wake up in sweats and screaming his name in pain. I couldn't subject James to that – especially after all the patience he's shown all this time.

"James… I don't know if this is the best idea for me."

"I figured you'd say no, but I knew it wouldn't hurt to say yes. You let me know when you are ok with this."

He smiled and it hurt worse to see him smile at me. I knew underneath there was a ton of pain not showing and as much as I needed to say yes, I just couldn't do it.

I stood up and James stood with me. I gathered all my books and placed them in my bag. James walked to the same side of the bistro table with me and helped.

He carefully guided me along the maze of tables and placed his hand on the small of my back. It was such a kind and sweet gesture and it almost made me say yes to him.

As we crossed the gate of the café, the wind blew past me and a familiar smell hit my nose. I stuck my face upward into the rain trying to remember the scent. I couldn't quite place it, but it was sweet, and very enticing.

The next morning I awoke with the sun blaring in my eyes. Seattle was a little less wet in comparison to Forks, but the sun still seemed to hide behind the clouds just as much. When the sun would greet me in the morning, it would make me happy.

Then I would get sad.

I'd get sad at the thought that I wouldn't be able to run into Jacob in the day time. As I lay in bed, I wondered what it would be like to see him in the day light. I'm sure his muscles are more defined now. If you add in the extra sparkle effect I'm sure he was absolutely gorgeous. Plus his eyes. If he held the same eyes as the Cullen's, then he would be double blessed with beauty.

I don't know what it was about the thoughts of Jacob and his undead look, but I found it turning me on. I felt my hands slipping down the front of my camisole that I wore to bed that night and then down to the underwear that matched. I slipped my hand under the elastic of the silk underwear and found my already wet folds.

I imagined Jacob pinning me up against the alleyway of my apartment building. I'm sure his strength would have doubled by now and holding me there wouldn't be a problem for him. He'd spread my legs with such a force that my inner thighs would be bruised but I wouldn't care.

As my fingers grazed over my already swollen clit, I tingled with the thoughts of him kissing down my neck as his cold, hard cock slammed harder and harder into me.

"Mmm, Jacob…" I said out loud to myself. It took barely any time for me to get myself off.

I had this problem of not even being able to turn myself on the past couple of years, but as soon as Charlie said that Jacob was in town, I found it easier to do so. I was hoping that in some odd way, he was trying to track me down, and he'd see how much I still desire him.

He'd either be extremely turned on by it, or want to kill me.

I'd hoped for the first option.

I lay in bed for a bit more before jumping in the shower. It was my off day for class and I'd normally go hang out with Angela. She was working at the same café I went to at night to meet James, but she did the day shift.

I dried myself as fast as I could. My hair was immediately placed in a semi-ponytail. It would take far too long to finish drying it so I let it go.

I put on a pair of sweat pants and a college T-shirt with my hoodie. I grabbed my laptop, put it in my bag and headed out for the day.

The café was the best place for me to write. I was working on a submission for a short story contest and I could always find comfort there.

As soon as I walked through the door, Angela greeted me. She would normally have some sort of a smile, but this time, she met me with a grief-stricken stare.

As I approached her, I could tell she'd been crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"You aren't going to believe this. Jessica Stanley was killed in an alleyway across from here last night."

Goosebumps ran over my entire body.

"What do you mean? How? What happened?"

"They are saying that something attacked her. They are calling it an animal attack but how on earth could an animal attack someone in the city."

Very easily. If it's a sort of animal… I don't know … maybe a Vampire… I said to myself.

She hugged me. She'd never been one to really like Jessica, but she was still a school mate of ours. My stomach churned deep inside of me and I prayed that none of the Cullen's… hell Jacob… had anything to do with this.

I tried my hardest to push that thought away. Angela handed me the news article and everything seemed to match what an animal attack looked like from the description. I was scared to death for James now. I hoped he didn't walk those back alleys himself coming from the club. I'm sure he would, considering it was quicker to go that way.

I reached for my cell phone and called him right away. I explained what happened to Jessica and he said he would meet me after his class. He also promised to not take the alleyway that night either.

As I closed my cell phone the clouds began to pour over us again. I sat down at the bistro set trying so hard to work on my short story but every time I began to write, I'd see Jessica's face. Then I would see Jacob tearing into the skin of her neck and then I'd feel sick all over again.

I began to write as much as my fingers could handle and then I caught a whiff of a sweet smell again. It was so mesmerizing. I wanted to stand up and follow it but instead it seemed to get closer to me.

"Hello, Bella…" a familiar voice rang out.

I looked immediately to my right and realized why I smelled this alluring scent.

Edward Cullen stood right next to me, glaring at me with his bright golden eyes and I was speechless.