retrospect Chapter 3: circuses for traitors, a naruto fanfic

restrospect (working title)

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

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chapter 3: circuses for traitors

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SPOILERS. Yeah, you get it.

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Surreal.

He tapped the glass tank encasing various human experiments in water.

"Disgusting. To think you'd keep a trophy case of these things."

"Only for research, Sasuke-kun. You never know when you need something that's failed in one respect before." Kabuto pushed his glasses up. They kept slipping a little.

"So how do they….not drown to death?"

"You probably can't see it through the murky water, but they all have oxygen masks attached to their faces. Only lets through a very small amount though…we have to see which ones can survive and which ones are disposable."

"Heh."

"What?" Kabuto was annoyed. To say that the apprentice boy was arrogant was a total understatement.

"Nothing." Just that you sound like my brother.

Sasuke stopped by a certain tank, the label catching his eye.

NAME: Suigetsu

ORIGIN: Kirigakure

RELATED: trained by Zabuza, similar fighting style and water-based jutsu

EXP.: adjustments accordingly to his jutsu, fairly successful

"…Huh."

The images seared into his brain.

Mutilated bodies, freaks of all kinds, horrible alterations.

These weren't human anymore. They probably weren't even alive, locked up skin-deep in water.

They were ghosts.

He never showed emotion anymore, but his dreams belied his façade.

If people were to see his dreams, captured on film, they would be able to kill him, genuinely.

He still had dreams about Konohagakure.

Because he knows he was happiest there.

At day, Uchiha Sasuke was a killing machine.

He trained relentlessly, never talked, and kept to himself. Two years later, Orochimaru didn't think the boy that came to him and the boy now were even the same person.

Even the mentor himself got a jolt when he looked straight into his student's eyes.

Stone-cold dead.

Because happiness doesn't really matter to me anyway.

Kakashi lounged back in his chair, chewing the end of a pen. Mountains of unfinished work ornamented his desk, floor, and over-all apartment, but all he could think about was Sasuke.

Sasuke, you idiot.

You may not have realized but…

The phone rang, and he looked at the offending object with contempt.

"Did you ever notice the leaves fall backwards here?"

Jiraiya looked at his apprentice with confusion.

"What did you say?"

Naruto pointed at the tree across the river, where the two were resting and enjoying a "picnic," as Naruto mockingly called it.

"You know regular leaves kinda curl up like a bowl when they fall? Usually they're open-face up, falling in a zig-zag. But those leaves…they fall open-face down, so they do like a kind of tumble."

The blond took a generous bite of his onigiri.

"But a leaf is still a leaf when it hits the ground."

If Konoha is the land where fire burns, then I will be the water that quenches and rages.

Sasuke had picked up an annoying habit from his brother.

He often lay on his bed and inspected the walls.

Knowing Itachi, the older brother always took the littlest things to be symbolic, depressing, fatalistic. In this respect, Sasuke was the creative one of the family – he thought the cracks on the ceiling of his room always looked like rivers. Breaking off from each other.

Whenever he looked at the ceiling, this was the scene that always ran through Sasuke's head:

Sakura was watching the boy. He looked at his blanketed knees all day, nothing else. It's like he had died sitting up. She held the plate of perfectly sliced apples towards the hospitalized Sasuke.

"Here you go, Sasuke-kun. Please eat something."

His hands clenched into fists, claws of the tamed, and for some reason he felt unbearably frustrated. He knocked the plate out of Sakura's hand without thinking, and it shattered to the ground, little pieces littering the ground with their brilliance.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Naruto shouted.

"Don't worry, Naruto, it's alright." Sakura bent down on her knees, collecting the pieces ever so delicately. She placed them lightly into the palm of her hand, like fragile souls, even though they were cutting into her legs, hands, and he could see the tiny winces of pain on her face –

"Dammit," Sasuke grumbled, and his fists punched the mattress.

Naruto always told Sakura that she was too nice to Sasuke for her own good, that she should toughen up and have some backbone around him.

But she never listened, and just kept smiling that awfully beautiful smile of hers.

Kakashi filled in the last blank of the papers he had to finish. He had stayed up for at least three nights in a row, and he's never worked quite as hard before.

OBJECTIVE ACHIEVEMENT DETAILS:

The mission was at least five weeks ago, but he saved this one for last.

Failed.

You know the rest, Tsunade.

The Uchiha Mansion was always a gloomy, old place. It was haunted, people said, by the ghosts of the Uchiha. A cursed clan. Had to be. Raised two traitors. What kind of people were they?

Sakura entered the building of the late Uchihas. It almost seemed warm to her, an open pair of arms. She put down her pack and slipped her shoes off.

Making her way to the back of the house, into the garden, then sat down in front of two graves.

UCHIHA FUGAKU and UCHIHA MIKOTO, respectively.

"Good morning, Fugaku-san, Mikoto-san." She moved the dead, dried-up flowers aside and replaced them with new ones. Camellias.

"Please help me bring Sasuke-kun home, okay?"

Haruno Sakura visited the Uchiha graves every single week, up until the return of her teammate Naruto. After that, she felt that she didn't need to anymore.

so why do you not hate me when I've hurt you so bad?

Naruto had attempted to keep a diary at one point of his life.

It turned out to be more like an autobiography, and he only wrote in it on one day.

The first time I ever remember being alone was when I was five. Hell, it was my first memory. I was sitting at home, waiting for whoever it was who took care of me usually to come back. It's kind of weird that I don't even remember the person who raised me from when I was just a baby until then, but I guess I didn't really like that person anyway. I was waiting for that person, like I said, I think it was a woman because I remember sitting on my bed wondering what time the person was going to come back and cook me dinner since I was hungry. But it could've been a man since there are man cooks out there. I watched the clock tick until ten in the night, and then I was almost starving to death so I went to the fridge to see what there was. Nothing but milk, cartons and cartons of it. Then I looked in the cabinet, piles and piles of instant ramen. I took one box of ramen out and I knew how to boil water, so I carefully poured it into the bowl of instant ramen and let it cool, then ate it. I guess I knew from that point on that the person was never coming back because they had left mountains and mountains of food to last me until the next like four years or so, so from then on I tried to make friends so I wouldn't have to think about being lonely when I was at home, sitting on my bed, watching the clock tick, waiting to fall asleep so the next day could come and I would try to make friends again. Of course no one ever liked me, and now I know why, but back then, even though I was friendly to everyone, hate burned inside me like fire. I kept smiling on the outside but kept burning on the inside. Then one day I did a prank I forgot what but I was called into Sandaime-ojii-san's office and I remember feeling real nervous since he was the top dog and he could kill me like what everyone else seemed to want to do. But then I looked into his eyes and saw it – he knew me. Whatever it was, it was like he said, I understand. For a long time, I just stared there, totally blanked-out, then he said to me, that thing inside you that you feel, what is it? And I said, right now it burns, and it feels like hell. And he said, no, it's not hell. It's fire. And I said, fire, hell, same thing. And he said, no. Fire melts the ice of hell. And then I just kind of stared at him, like what is he talking about? But I guess inside I really knew what he was talking about, since from then on it still burned, but it didn't hurt anymore.

A few minutes later, he added this:

So ojii-san really saved me. He looked out for me when no one else would. Because of him, because I thought he's such a cool person, that's why I want to be Hokage, so he gave me my dream I guess, and I owe him so much, but I never give him back anything. He never asks for anything except for my happiness, but I always feel there should be more. Should there be more? I don't know.

Thanks to ojii-san, I have friends now. My new team. Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke's a real bitch, but Sakura's so pretty and for a girl she's really good at ninja stuff. Except I know she hates me like everyone else, but I like her because a long time ago, when she was shy and stuff, she was the only one who didn't treat me like scum off the wall. I was playing by myself with a ball, and I tried to climb a tree with it, since I could be alone there and I was tired of everyone's dirty looks, but of course I dropped it and it fell down. Well she was kind of alone too since people made fun of her big forehead which I did not think was so big, but before I could come down from the tree to get the ball, she came up with the ball and gave it to me. I thanked her and for a while we just kind of sat there, because here we were both alone but we were together, you know? Then she said, kids can be really mean. And I said, yeah. She said, but you can't let them find your heart. They can take out your liver, kidneys, brain, lungs, but don't ever let them take your heart. So I said, okay. You promise too? She promised.

I didn't think of Sakura like as a crush before. She was also kind of like a beacon of light for me though. Like I knew however bad things were, she was like me and that just gave me peace. Like we were connected. One thing can change everything though. Sasuke changed her and now she treats me like everyone else. But I know that there is still that girl underneath, because I can see it in her eyes. She's not mean. She's just acting, to get Sasuke's attention. So I'll wait for her, annoy her everyday to see if she stops acting. And even if she doesn't truly like me back the way I like her, I will still keep plowing on, because at least I can see her heart. Sasuke may have stolen her love, but he'll never take her heart.

Naruto kept this in his first drawer, with other little important trinkets. He'd occasionally look at it and laugh quietly at his childish words, because he doesn't like hiding things from himself.

Naruto wears his heart proudly on his chest.

Naruto didn't actually write his so-called diary all in one day. He added a section about Sasuke some time later.

I know I said I hated Sasuke many times, but now I think I really didn't, it was just jealousy. Jealousy that he locked Sakura up in her own body and now all I can see of her are through her eyes, they're like windows to the sea. And you know what? That's a whole fricking lot of power he has then.

And then another:

Dammit Sasuke.

Dammit.

You're a goddamn retarded little bastard, aren't you?

One more:

Sasuke's gonna be like Itachi no matter what he does. Because they're both goddamn bastards.

But I want him back anyway. Sasuke's my best friend and I have to bring him back before he fucking gets himself killed. And Sakura. Sakura needs him too.

Dammit we all need him. What did Orochimaru have that we didn't?

Oh right. Fucking POWER.

Dammit.

DAMMIT.

"From God's hands come the grapes of wrath."

I don't even know what that means.

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY THE WHOLE WORLD LEARNS OF OROCHIMARU'S DEMISE, AND MUST WONDER ABOUT ITS FATE

"Orochimaru is dead. And it seems that Uchiha Sasuke had killed him."

This time Naruto didn't even need a diary entry to express his feelings.

His facial expression said it all.

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY UCHIHA SASUKE DEFEATED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, AND PROVED HE WAS STRONGER EVEN THAN ONE OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

"No more fire."

Because they'll end up as rivers anyway.

Wet and traitorous.

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fin

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A/N:

-A wrap-up chapter, as well as introspective on Naruto, Sasuke, and little more about Sakura (like the first chapter wasn't enough). Hope you read the italics, cuz like I said, they're important.

-"From God's hands come the grapes of wrath." – Figure it out yourself.

-Uchiha Fugaku and Mikoto – Sasuke's parents.

-The scene Sasuke remembers in italics – If anyone doesn't remember, it's the scene right before Sasuke and Naruto fight on the roof. Yeah, it's a little different than what actually happened in the anime, but if I actually copied down word for word what they said, it'd be called plagiarizing.