A/N : Thank you all for the response so far …. and as there was no option to p.m. Sandysan "thank you also for your review!"
.
.
This second chapter is a bit on the heavy side but in the context of things I felt it was necessary to appreciate the eventual outcome. But fear not! Lighter times are on their way and I promise there's a happy ending with this one!
.
.
Hope you all enjoy …. bwb.
.
.
.
Sometimes you just have to do the right thing …..
.
.
Chapter Two
.
.
Two hours so far. Two tedious hours of hills, swathes of green fields then more hills and now the pull that was screaming up the back of each leg was insisting that he just stop and refuse to go even just one step further.
Over the last half an hour or so he'd noticed a distinct change for the worse in Jack. He wouldn't say that his mood had darkened as such; it just seemed that he'd gone in on himself, like something was troubling him.
Above everything one thing was for certain, Jack was a man on a mission. Ianto was having trouble keeping up with him and despite his enigmatic jests to the contrary the immortal definitely knew what to expect once they eventually reached their destination.
Ianto could tell that Jack was tiring of his grumbling; they'd shared an uncomfortable silence for the last fifteen minutes. He really was trying to appear as enthusiastic as Jack was but it was this anxiety; it was making him unreasonable. Under any other circumstances this would have been a routine search and recover and he would have enjoyed it, but here? Why did it have to be here in this ….. this….. place?
From three paces back he watched Jack striding along, hands still in pockets, tails billowing occasionally with the breeze. Even from behind he was the most captivating of people. He'd never known anyone, male or female, to have such an impact on him and sometimes the intensity of his feelings for Jack frightened him.
The last thing he'd wanted to do today was make him angry and he was really hoping that he wasn't. Things had been progressing nicely between them, considering they were Torchwood related, and he'd been practising his speech to Rhiannon just in case he might be needing it soon.
He could tell in himself that he was getting braver by the day, maybe if he knew for definite how Jack felt about him he'd be able to take that final step in confronting those few shards of doubt that still remained.
Surprisingly, so far, he and Jack had managed to survive every obstacle thrown at them; Abadon, Jacks' (largely unexplained) disappearance, John Hart (twice), Gray, losing both Tosh and Owen then the Daleks. They'd even managed to side-step Gwen with her big eyes and big heart, but now this?
Surely Jack understood him better than this? Had he spent months misreading the signals coming from him? Did he really think so little of him that he would subject him to this without a second thought?
Up until this point he'd been convinced that something might be slowly happening between them. Ok, it was a tenuous link and it was one that still remained totally un-discussed, but sometimes he'd seen Jack looking at him in a way he couldn't quite describe, it was a look that he'd never seen him direct a single other person and he'd spent enough after-glow moments down on that bunk with him to know that it was no longer just sex between them.
He stiffened. A noise!, There was a noise behind him!, There was somebody there …..
A quick glance back confirmed that his mind was playing tricks again. A self-directed anger began to swell in his chest. Was he going to be pathetic and scared like this for the rest of his life? He was Welsh, for Gods' sake, he'd sung of hills and valleys in school, he used to love the countryside. Well not anymore, fuck the countryside and ok, yes, while he was at it fuck Jack Harkness as well. Time out please, he'd had more than enough.
.
.
As they crested the peak of yet another hill he let out a deliberately loud and dissatisfied huff.
Jack stopped in his tracks and finally turned to face him . . "Ianto why do I get the feeling you're not enjoying this as much as I thought you would?"
Not quite believing what he was hearing he let himself fall heavily on to the grass. Unappreciative of the damp feeling seeping in through the seat of his jeans he drew his knees in to his chest and proceeded to stare accusingly up at him.
His hair, slightly longer than usual, was tufted and dishevelled and unblinking his tired and wind battered eyes steeled themselves for the oncoming storm that towered over him . . "So you actually thought I'd enjoy something like this, did you?"
Legs akimbo, arms folded Jack attempted to keep control of the situation . . "Yes, believe it or not, Ianto, I had you down as the intrepid type."
Ianto continued to stare up at him. Jack felt the hairs on the back of his neck tingle. He quickly found that the icy eyes unnerved him and sinking down on to the grass he was grateful for the opportunity to avoid his gaze.
If he was being honest he was a little surprised that it had taken this long for Ianto to crack. He'd actually been expecting more of a fight from the outset and of course it was only ever going to be a matter of time before this particular conversation came about.
With a slow and almost predicable shake of his head Ianto got the proceedings underway . . "I'm your intrepid kind of guy, am I? Okay, so tell me, Jack, who was it that sat there with me for weeks on end and witnessed me experiencing one nightmare after the other? My head's fucked now because what happened … and you know it, so why bring me somewhere like this? You must have known the effect this would have on me."
Jacks silence screamed of guilt. Still facing front he stared vacantly into the distance. As the landscape blurred at the edges his mind was filled with bloodied images of an event that they all, but Ianto especially, had fought so vainly to forget.
Oh, Ianto. His poor sweet Ianto. Jack had known he'd find it hard out here today. He hadn't missed the frequent glances back over his shoulder when he'd thought he wasn't looking. He'd seen his eyes darting from side to side, constantly expecting something or somebody to come from nowhere with a knife in their hand; their eyes widened with madness.
The poor guy hadn't deserved any of the treatment he'd been forced to endure in that kitchen, he'd witnessed far too much at such a young age and in being here today he had every right to feel afraid.
Two days ago, and for the first time in a long while, Jack had noticed that look of fear in his eyes again. It had appeared the exact moment that the word countryside had first been used. But Ianto hadn't backed out, even though he was terrified of what was out there he'd still not wanted to let him down, he'd tried to remain determined through his fear.
Ironically Ianto Jones was the bravest of them all. He had the least to give in terms of experience and was less prepared for the field overall but he was always the first to come stand by his side. Whenever the alerts came it was always Ianto who was ready to face whatever might be out there with him.
Deep down he'd guessed the real reason behind his loyalty; if Ianto couldn't prevent his death then he'd make damn sure he was there when he came back.
Every time he displayed this devotion to him Jack found himself letting him in just that little bit more.
On that fateful day when they'd responded to a report of people going missing he'd innocently left the hub along with the rest of them. It had been his first real assignment and he'd gone along not really knowing what to expect. The only one thing he'd been assured of was his boss' promise to keep him safe …. but that never happened and he'd been subjected to one unimaginable horror after another, he'd had to live through situations that would have seen even the hardiest of agents reaching out for a pill, begging to forget.
But despite all of this here he was, Ianto Jones, still being brave, still watching his boss' back and still hoping beyond anything else that his boss, this time, was watching his.
.
.
Aware that he still hadn't replied to the question Jack realised that Ianto was deliberately giving him time. Out of all of the team it was only Ianto who had witnessed how deeply affected by the whole event he'd really been himself.
He knew didn't deserve this mans' loyalty. Ok, yes, when it boiled down to it, on that day in question he'd failed the team as a whole but it was Ianto that he'd neglected the most. After recent events he should have made sure that he was mentally ready to go out there with them in the first place and he should have paid more attention to him after he'd stormed that godforsaken farmhouse.
Whether it had been the distraction of Gwen that had made him over-look Ianto on that day or some subconscious decision stemming from his disappointment at his recent deceit he couldn't be sure, but what he'd been completely sure of ever since was that he was going to spend the rest of this young mans' life trying to make it up to him.
Which brought him back to the here and now, on this very day and on this goddamned hillside. One way or another this moment was always going to arrive. The closer he'd let himself get to Ianto the stronger this overwhelming desire to give him everything he deserved had become and it was for this very reason that they currently found themselves perched on a hill-top in the middle of nowhere. Finally he'd found a way to show Ianto how he really saw him, as a colleague, as a friend …. as a lover.
If there'd been an easier way to do this then he would have taken it, he was gaining no satisfaction whatsoever from making Ianto live through this nightmare all over again and he was praying with every ounce of his being that he might find the pot of gold at the end of their rainbow worth dragging up all of those bad memories for.
.
.
Truthful or not, Ianto hadn't held out much hope of getting an answer from Jack. Unclipping the back-pack he shucked it from his shoulders . . "I'm starving, can we stop for a while?"
Not waiting for a confirmation he delved his hand inside the bag and pulled a small bottle of water from it. Jack accepted gratefully as it was offered and immediately twisted off the cap.
"So come on then, what's this really all about?" . . Ianto took a swig from his own bottle before replacing the cap and crunching down into an apple. His tone was now resigned; softer, the urge to fight with Jack dissipating.
Trying not to let his surprise at Iantos choice of healthy snack distract him Jack slurped noisily around the lip of the bottle before resealing it.
"I just thought you might be pleased to get me out here all alone, for a change. You know this coat's pretty wide once you open it right up. Hey, they don't call it a 'great' coat for nothing!"
He nudged sideways and Ianto grunted as the apple missed his mouth making the end of his nose wet. Reaching across him Jack slid his hand into the bag and fumbled around.
As he considered Jacks reply Ianto crunched loudly then chewed more thoughtfully before swallowing . . "Nope, sorry, Jack, even you wouldn't put me through this just for the sake of a shag and besides, you'd never put so much thought into getting hold of something that was so readily available elsewhere."
"Yes I would …." . . he was genuinely wounded by both his scathing look and conclusion . . "Ianto!…" . . he now looked totally exasperated . . "I would!"
Iantos mouth tipped down at the corners. In truth it wasn't as unbelievable an idea as he was making out but he was still wasn't buying it . . "Okay, a bit harsh maybe, but I still don't think that's why you brought me out here."
Still looking for a diversion and with a crooked smile Jack pulled his hand from the bag. Waving a black wrapper and its contents between the approaching apple and Iantos lips his child-catcher voice was chillingly convincing . . "Would you like a lick of my mars bar, little boy?" . .
There came the expected sailing of pale blue from left to right and finally Ianto had to concede that he was wasting his time in trying to get anything close to a genuine response from Jack . . "You know for someone that's supposed to be a courageous and responsible leader ….. sometimes you can be very juvenile." . . he licked at the already exposed flesh of the apple before taking another bite and managing to look suitably unimpressed.
Jacks boyish grin had disappeared. His initial frown of disappointment was replaced by a momentary flash of anger . . "Yeah? Well you know what, Ianto? Sometimes you need a little 'juvenile' to lighten up that heavy load of courage and responsibility."
Sensing he'd hit a raw nerve Ianto decided to keep quiet. He'd learned quite soon after joining Torchwood Three that if you ever saw Jacks top lip curl your best option was always to just shut up and look apologetic, even if you weren't in the wrong.
Jack stared ahead and gave a resigned sigh . . "Ianto, can you imagine how wearing it is for me, day in-day out, week after week, year after year? And can you honestly say that you really understand how I'm feeling from one minute to the next? Because I'm telling you now, you haven't the faintest idea. Because of how I am I feel I owe it to every single person on this planet to protect them from what's out there and never, not for a second, do I stop worrying about them … but okay, yes, sometimes, just sometimes, the weight of that responsibility gets so heavy that I falter and I find I just can't face things anymore, it's then that I have to take a little time out ….. and that …. is when the 'mars bar' comes in to play, and work, and rest…"
Realising that he was ranting at the one person that really didn't deserve it he took a deep breath then laughed quietly and retrospectively at his use of slogan.
They sat in silence for a moment; Jack digesting the words on the wrapper rather than the confectionery itself, Ianto pretending not to watch him even though he was.
Eventually Ianto found the courage to speak again. He'd been taken aback by this raw and unexpected revelation from Jack. He was more than aware that he stood up there night after night on one rooftop or another keeping watch over Cardiff but he never thought to imagine just how far or how deep this need to protect everyone actually went.
"You never talk to me about it, Jack, how am I supposed to know how you're feeling if you never let me in?"
Unsurprised by Jacks continuing silence he took a few more minutes to considerately think things through. Eventually and not really sure if his decision to lighten the mood was the correct one he nudged Jack gently. The remorseful look he was given in return gave him hope that he might be about to do the right thing after all.
"Well, Captain, you can rest easier from now on because as of today I officially relieve you of your duty of care for one Ianto Jones. Your load is now officially lighter, I'll just take care of myself from now on." . . he rocked in to him and tried a smile . . "There you go, already one less for you to worry about!"
His heart sank as he realised that Jack wasn't laughing with him. Instead his head had fallen to gaze down at the chocolate bar and after toying with the wrapper for a couple of seconds he tore into it.
Ianto quickly took a nervous bite of his apple. Well that had gone well. God, he was such an idiot sometimes, not only was he walking through a living nightmare but also his body had started to ache, his new boots were rubbing and now he'd just pissed off the one person that he had to keep him company for the next god knows how many miles.
Jack held the sweet up to face level and stared at it for a second before glancing sideways . . "Oh, Ianto, you really have no idea do you….."
He turned to his side and smiled at him. Ianto immediately saw it for what if was; a soft smile that he was hoping would give him some reassurance, but it was betrayed by the age-old sadness that was now visibly floundering in a deep and bottomless pit of blue.
Jack began to speak again, this time there was something very different about his voice, Ianto had never heard it before, it was a helplessness, a vulnerability, he sounded almost lost . . "Not worry about you?" . . he smiled as he shook his head . . "Ianto, of all the billions of people on this planet it's you that I worry about the most and believe me, no matter what you do, you'll never be able to change that fact."
Almost as if a switch had been flicked the familiar smile spread across his face . . "Now, shut up and have a bite of my mars bar … 'cause where we're going you're gonna need loads of energy."
.
.
IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH
.
.
tbc