Eternal Life, Eternal Pain
XIV. Endless Difficulties of the Heart
~*~*~
It's not that I can't live without you
It's just that I don't even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day we said goodbye
If I wasn't such a fool
Right now I'd be holding you
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do
Baby if I only knew...
~*~*~
Legolas tossed and turned. He couldn't sleep. Dammit, even when she's not talking to me, she drives me insane.
Taking his pack, he pulled out his log. He read over a few entries he had written while he and Anya weren't fighting. Legolas took his pen and started to write:
'How could she? She said she'd love me forever and me only! But already Karlianya has broken that promise. She and Jerk...'
Legolas wrote no more. He took his pen and started jabbing angrily at his papers. As he was doing so, someone screamed, making Legolas tear his log altogether.
"What's going on?" he wondered aloud.
* * *
"Anya, don't go..."
But Anya proceeded, ignoring Arwen's protests. She walked over to where she had heard the rustling of grass, and there, Anya could hear someone moaning in pain softly.
"Anya..."
It was calling her name!
"Anya..."
She finally found who it was calling to her. Seeing the bloody form, Anya let out a scream. Arwen came running. "What is it, Anya? What's wrong... Oh, heavens what happened?"
"Anya... Arwen... run..."
It was Jerick. His body was covered with wounds, and he could barely walk.
"Jerick!" Anya cried out. But that's impossible... he doesn't know my name... "Jerick?"
"Run... they're coming..."
"Who's coming?"
"They're coming for you, Anya... Legolas... run... want to kill you..."
"Arwen! Go wake up Aragorn! Get Gimli! Get everyone!"
But Arwen had already left to get them before Anya even said anything. Anya bent down onto her knees by Jerick who had finally fallen to the floor. "Jerick? What happened? Who did this to you?"
"Anya, didn't you hear anything I said?" Jerick asked furiously. He tried to sit up, but only managed to slump up a bit. "Run! They'll get you and kill everyone else..."
"I don't understand - how do you know my name?"
"I'll explain everything later! Go!"
"No," Anya stated firmly. "We'll stay and kick their..."
"Anya, there are too many!"
"Impossible. It's nothing Aragorn, Gimli, and... Legolas can't handle."
Almost as if on cue, the three mentioned before came running to where Anya and Jerick where, with Arwen following close behind.
"What's wrong?" Aragorn demanded.
"They're coming..." Jerick whispered. "You should go..."
"How far are they?" Gimli asked.
"Close... if you don't go now, they'll get you before dawn."
Arwen looked up at the sky. "Dawn is still a ways off."
Jerick shrugged weakly. "They could come as soon as within an hour."
"Let them come!" Anya cried. "For what they did to you..."
Legolas glared at her, but then put up his head. "Sh..." he said, holding a finger to his lips. All went silent. "Looks like you shall get your wish, Karlianya. I hear them advancing."
Aragorn took out his sword. "We'll be ready."
Almost hesitantly, Anya left Jerick's side. She took out her own sword . "I hear them now, as well," she said. "They're very close."
The five stood, waiting, their weapons drawn. For a moment, there was silence to the human ear, but then soft rustlings far off could be heard if Anya pressed her hearing a bit. Then unearthly shrieks filled the air, sending chills down Anya's spine. Whatever was coming was not human, elf, or dwarf. She looked hard into the trees, but Anya couldn't make out anything in the dark foliage. Seeing Legolas stiffen and pull his bowstring taut, she knew they were closing in.
Goosebumps crawled up her arms with anticipation and fear. The faint screams slowly grew louder and shriller. Anya gripped her sword tighter.
Not a single movement was made until Legolas drew first blood, releasing his arrow, killing on contact. Quickly, he took another arrow and shot in the same direction drawing loud screams.
At this, Anya and Arwen worked as a fighting duet, their blades flying through the air, cutting down any evil being it touched.
Aragorn ran out, slashing his mighty sword ruthlessly. His sword flashed in the dimming moonlight as it flew through the air, slicing away. Wincing slightly when an orc's spear found the tip of his shoulder, he fought even more fiercely, ignoring the blood that flowed freely from his wound. He heard one trying to sneak up behind him. Using his quick lightning reflexes, he swung around and kicked hard, forcing the orc to stumble backwards, taking several clumsy others behind him down as well.
Legolas continued to fire down orc after orc until finally, they got too near to use the bow. Giving up his bow, he drew his blades. The orcs were also shooting arrows, but their aim was hardly on target. Sometimes, however, a stray arrow would come near him. Legolas was quick enough to either dodge them or slice at them, taking out their sting.
The warriors fought brilliantly and bravely... but it felt like something was wrong. Gimli noticed this. He couldn't quite place a finger on it when all of a sudden...
"STOP!"
Aragorn looked up and went white. "No!"
One huge, ugly orc, obviously the captain, held Anya by the throat. Another had a blade to Arwen's throat.
"Pick on the girls, why don't you..." Anya murmured.
"Shut up!" the orc yelled, tightening his grasp on her neck.
"Let them go," Aragorn said firmly.
"Don't be a fool," the orc said. "We have come to get what we wanted and an additional prize." He smirked. "And there's nothing you can do."
Legolas looked down at the ground, feeling so defeated.
"Ha! I love this look on your face! I'm glad I decided to stop and show you..." He grinned. "Well, we'll be off now... UH!"
The orc fell to the ground, and behind him, Jerick started fighting the other orcs like a madman. Arwen and Anya, now released, rushed to help him. Jerick was still seriously wounded and would not stand long on his own.
"Aragorn!" Anya cried. "Throw me the sword by your feet."
The man looked down and saw Anya's sword lying there. Taking it, he tossed it to Anya and followed the sword's flight to finish off the rest of the evil invaders.
"They're gone," Legolas said with nasty satisfaction when his arrow pierced the last one.
Anya seemed oblivious to this. She was by Jerick's side one more, holding him up. "Jerick..." she said softly.
"Where's the closest city?" Arwen asked Jerick suddenly.
"Resrand," Jerick managed to say. "It's about an hour's way from here..."
"Get him there, quick!" Arwen shouted. "He'll die if we don't!"
~*~*~
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart
~*~*~
Seeing all the injuries on Jerick made Anya feel sick, especially when she thought of how he had tried so hard to come to warn them... come to warn her... and then saved her life. She was near tears. I feel like the world's worst being...
"Arwen, stop wasting your time," Jerick whispered.
"Stay still, Jerick," Arwen said nervously. She feared he was right; all the wounds on him were serious and life-threatening. Bruises, cuts, scrapes... "Who did this to you, Jerick?"
"My time is short," Jerick mumbled.
"You'll be fine," Anya said, her voice full of tears. "You have to be."
"Anya, I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"About you and Legolas... You two should really be together," he whispered.
Anya looked away.
"Where are Aragorn and Gimli?" Jeric asked. "And Legolas. I need to talk to them. And you two, too."
"They're outside," Anya replied. "I'll... I'll go get them." Anya had to leave the room. She couldn't bear to see him anymore. Finding the three men, she beckoned them to enter Jerick's room.
"What is it you must tell us, Jerick?" Aragorn asked. "I think you should rest..."
"Rest will do me no good," Jerick coughed. "I've been poisoned. I'm going to die."
Anya froze. "It's my fault, isn't it?" she asked tearfully. "It's all my fault..."
"It is no fault but my own."
"What happened?" Aragorn pressed.
Jerick tried to sit up. "I was out one night... when this little man met me. He told me his master wanted to see me. So, curious, I followed. This dark figure spoke to me. I asked him what it was he wanted to see me about. He said, "I want you to do me a favor. I will grant you anything you wish." His favor was to tell you to go down the road you did. He had promised you wouldn't be hurt... he promised me. But, foolish me, I believed him, endangering your lives. When I found out, he started to beat me. He wanted me dead... but I managed to escape. I had to warn you... warn you of what wrong I did... I was afraid I was too late..."
"So it was he who told you who we were?" Arwen asked.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry," Anya said. "So sorry..."
"It's all right," Jerick said. "If you'd please... I'd like to talk to Legolas..."
Legolas looked at Jerick, confused. "All right, speak."
"Alone," Jerick continued.
"We will heed your wishes," Aragorn said, "for we do owe you our lives."
Jerick snorted. "I put you in danger; it was the least I could do."
"What?" Legolas asked, almost coolly.
"I don't blame you for being angry at me," Jerick said calmly and quietly. "I apologize for whatever misgivings I have caused between you and Anya. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Anya - she's beautiful and wonderful... you don't meet many girls like her, you know." Jerick had to stop, trying hard to breathe. "Don't let her go, Legolas."
Legolas sighed. "I forgive you, Jerick."
"Don't let her go," Jerick repeated.
Legolas could say nothing. He looked away, feeling almost ashamed he called Jerick "Jerk."
"Remember what I said," Jerick said. He leaned back against the bed, coughing and closing his eyes. They never opened again.
"Jerick?" Legolas asked. "Oh... god... Rest in peace, friend..." He put Jerick so his body laid on the bed. "Rest in peace."
The elf prince left the room and entered the hallway where Anya was standing, pacing a bit feverishly. "How is he?" she asked Legolas sharply when she saw him.
Legolas closed his eyes and bowed his head. "He's... passed on."
Anya couldn't believe it. "No..." Tears streamed down her face. She crumpled down onto the floor and started to cry.
He couldn't bear to watch her cry over Jerick. Legolas left Anya crying in the hallway. His own emotions were running wild.
Downstairs, Gimli was sitting, drinking a bit. Seeing Legolas, he called him over. "Hey! Drink, Haryon?"
So they had taken up their fake names again. Legolas sat down by Gimli. "Jerick passed," he said softly.
Gimli froze. "Do the rest know?"
"Anya does... Aragorn and Arwen will in due time."
Gimli raised his glass. "To Jerick."
Legolas couldn't find the heart to do the same. Almost grudgingly, he raised his glass and repeated, "To Jerick."
"May his soul find peace he never found on earth," Gimli continued.
"I need to be alone a bit," Legolas mumbled. He left the building. Outside, cool air greeted him, calming him down a bit. He sat down on the side of the road, feeling desolate and lonely. Never before had he dealt with such emotions - love, anger, hate, yearning... Aragorn was right. He had been jealous of Jerick. He should have let Anya go... trusted her.
"I'm still new at this," he whispered. "And not very good," he added after thinking a bit.
* * *
"Who IS that?" A group of young ladies stopped on the street from afar. Seeing Legolas, one had stopped and pointed.
"I don't know..." one dressed in green said slowly. "But he's..."
"The best looking man I've ever seen," one with gold hair finished.
"He's an elf," one piped up.
"Middi, we didn't ask you."
"Shut up Yegger," Middi retorted.
"Don't call me Yegger! My name is Yeggera!"
"Yegger."
The one with golden hair smiled sweetly. He was incredibly good-looking. Love at first sight. Her heart was struck. She wanted him... but she needed an excuse... "I bet I can get him to kiss me," she said.
Yeggera, Middi, and the one in green stopped. "Right," the one in green said sarcastically.
"You're just jealous, Reean."
"Of what? Your flirting tactics Herietta? Sorry, not guilty."
"I bet you. My best bracelet."
"The golden one with diamonds?" Reean asked, tempted.
"Yes."
"Fine, but I must see it."
"No problem, I'll do it right here. You can watch."
* * *
"I'm such a fool," Legolas mumbled.
"What's wrong?" A young girl asked him, sitting down beside him.
Looking at her, Legolas said, "Nothing."
"How could one as handsome of you have many troubles? Come, tell me," she said silkily.
Legolas was taken back by her shameless flirting. "Excuse me, ma'am, but I'm afraid I do not even know your name."
"Of course," she laughed. "Heri," she said, smiling seductively.
"My name is Leg- Haryon."
"Legharyon? That is a rather peculiar name!"
"No, it is Haryon."
"Ooh..." Heri smiled. "So what's wrong, Hary?"
Hary? "I said nothing."
"Something must be," Heri laughed. "The look on your face!"
"Just... my friend died..."
"Oh! How horrible!" Heri took this moment to give him a "hug." "You look like you need some comfort."
Legolas half-pushed her away. His heart was heavy, wondering what Anya was doing now. Whether she was still crying or not. He should have stopped to comfort her. Fool...
"Will you be all right?" Heri asked.
"Yes, thank you," Legolas replied.
"It was nothing," Heri said laughing.
After a short pause, Heri said seductively, "You are a very attractive person, you know Haryon... Are you married."
Legolas tensed under Heri's touch. She was using her finger to stroke his face. "Please stop that, Lady Heri."
"What?" she whispered. "You don't like this?"
"It does not please me," Legolas replied through gritted teeth.
"Haryon... you need to relax..."
Heri would get her way. She almost always did. If I play my cards right, we could be married by next week, she thought. Looking at him, she smiled. Marrying him wouldn't be so bad... but first let me work on my little bet, then I'll worry about the permanent things later...
* * *
"Anya..." Jerick's words echoed through her head. "You two really should be together..."
He's right, you know, Anya thought to herself. Jerick was her friend, and only her friend. It took him time to accept it, but in the end he did. Now it was Anya's turn to accept the blunt facts facing her: she loved Legolas and had to make up with him. Rather pointless, our fight, Anya thought bitterly.
She went downstairs. Gimli was sitting in a corner, drinking away. "Gimli," she said as she approached him.
Gimli looked at her tear-stained face. "I heard," he said.
"I know," she whispered. "But... I wanted to ask... Where is Legolas?"
"You two should really forget your grievances and get on, you know?"
Anya nodded humbly. "I know."
"He's outside, I think. Said he needed to be alone."
"Thank you, Gimli," Anya said as she crossed the room, bumping into several hobbits. When she finally got across the room and pushed open the door, she regretted it instantly.
"Lego..." Anya stopped. He was sitting with some human girl. She was holding Legolas's face in her hands, talking quietly to him. Legolas, looking quite still, did nothing to refuse her touch.
"Haryon... I think I'm in love with you..." the girl said softly.
Legolas did nothing but nod slightly.
"Do you love me?"
"I don't know," Legolas replied.
"You must," Heri said. "You must."
"I don't know..."
"Let's find out," Heri whispered quietly. She leaned forward and kissed Legolas on the lips...
Anya watched, horrorstruck. Her mouth dropped open as Legolas put his arm around Heri's neck, deepening it further. Tears began to run down her face once more as she turned around to head back to her room.
Hearing the door slam brought Legolas back to reality. He pushed Heri away. "What...?"
Heri smiled. "See, you love me too."
"I don't even know you!" Legolas cried out.
Heri frowned. "Yes you do," she said after smiling again. She stepped toward him. "I love you... you love me... you're not taken..."
Legolas stepped back. "No... I'm so confused... I need to think..." He ran back inside, leaving Heri there, pouting.
"Haryon!" she cried out. "See you tomorrow," she said almost nastily.
"Gimli..." Legolas ran inside, breathing hard still. "Where's Anya? I need to talk to her..."
"Eh?" Gimli asked. He was starting to feel the effects of the beer he was drinking. "She... she went out ta find ya, didn't she?" he slurred.
"She did?" Legolas asked, alarmed. "Oh... no!"
"I dink... I saw her go back upshtairs..." Gimli said.
Legolas ran upstairs as quickly as he could. There where ten doors. He knew which was Jerick's... well... which had been Jerick's... but which was Anya's? He pounded on the one closest to him. No response. It was empty. Legolas moved on to the next one. "Anya?" he called out.
The door opened. Legolas stood back, anticipating. A small hobbit looked up at him with a mean glare. "What's the meaning of this?" he demanded. "Bothering me? My sleep?"
"Sorry," Legolas mumbled. "I have the wrong room."
He moved onto the next. "Anya?"
"No, it's Arwen and Aragorn," someone inside laughed. The door opened, and Arwen stood there. "Is something the matter, Legolas?"
"Um... no... do you know which is Anya's room?"
"Yes," Arwen said. She pointed to the room at the end of the hallway.
"Thank you," Legolas said, running off. Arwen smiled.
Legolas stood in front of her door, almost uncertain. He gently knocked on the door and said, "Anya?"
"Go away!" was the harsh and quick response. Legolas slumped against the door. She had seen. She had seen...
"Anya... We need to talk..."
"There is nothing to say. You are bothering my sleep, Haryon. Please leave."
Legolas sighed. He left, wandering aimlessly down the hallway until he reached the door of his room. He slammed his head against it once before turning the knob and opening it. Stupid...
~*~*~
I don't know how it got so crazy
But I'll do anything to set things right
'Cause your love is so amazing
Baby you're the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
And made you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If only you would tell me girl
~*~*~
The next morning, Anya was still not talking to Legolas. She turned even colder when Heri came bouncing in, chattering away one hundred miles per hour. Legolas winced at Heri's arrival, but said nothing of it. Arwen raised an eyebrow at the female stranger. "Who is this, Haryon?"
Heri smiled. "You haven't told them about me?" she asked, almost acting as if she were something special.
"No." Legolas shot her an evil glance.
Heri ignored this. "Half the females in town are already gushing about this elf here - the free half, anyway - most of 'em are already married or promised," she started. Anya gripped her plate and made a fist. She wanted to take her knife and jab it several times into Heri's head. "But I got to him first! Aren't I so lucky? They're all jealous of me."
They won't be when I'm done with you, Anya thought.
"So, Haryon, come with me!"
"To where?" Legolas despaired.
"No where in particular."
"Must I go?"
"Yes."
Legolas groaned as Heri took his arm and dragged him out.
Aragorn watched, torn between amusement and disappointment. "I see you two didn't make up as planned, Lian," he commented.
Anya felt her whole body loosen up. Tears brimmed at her eyes. "No," she whispered. "We didn't."
"Lian, don't cry," Arwen said, patting her gently on the hand. "Legolas just needs time."
"How much time?" Anya asked, looking up. "How much time is enough? Every day that passes tears at my heart. You were right, Arwen, I can't seem to live without him..."
Arwen frowned. "I never said that. Now you're getting delusional. I'm worried, Anya."
"Huh?" Anya asked. "I think I'll go to my room..."
"Anya, this isn't very healthy," Aragorn said.
"I'll be fine..." Anya pushed her chair and went upstairs, choking back tears.
"This wasn't how it was supposed to go," Arwen said to Aragorn.
"I know."
The next few days were absolute hell for Anya. Watching all those girls fluttering about Legolas and Heri loudly declare that he was all hers made her sick. She couldn't bear to watch it.
So maybe this is how Legolas felt, she thought miserably to herself day. Anya had resorted to locking herself up in her own room anytime one of those ditzy girls came. She wanted to hurl anytime one of them started to coo.
Anya sat, gazing at the brilliant stars twinkling up above. She noticed they seemed to be shining sadly that night. Maybe they were just reflecting how she felt...
Golden silence was broken by Heri's laughter, accompanied by her girl friends. So Legolas was finally back.
"Good night," she heard Legolas say.
"Nighty," Heri replied. She gave him a loud smooch. Anya winced.
Anya continued to gaze at the stars and watched the rising moon for at least another hour. The lake close by the tavern reflected the moon and the stars, occasionally rippling ever so gently... What was that? Anya looked at the lake again... Ugh, she thought. Now I'm seeing his face everywhere.
"That's it," Anya said. "I have to see him."
This tavern had a bit more free space. Because Gimli often came home late and disturbed Legolas's sleep, Legolas had managed to get his own room. Anya knocked on the door quietly. No answer. She slowly opened it, and then quietly closed it. She crept over to where Legolas lay. "Legolas?" she whispered. Getting no reply, she assumed he was asleep.
Anya longed to hold him, but she didn't dare to wake him. She didn't want to be caught. "I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper now. "I'm sorry... I still love you..."
Stroking his hair, Anya sang softly,
Let me be your wings
Let me be your only love
Let me take you far beyond the stars...
Let me be your wings
Let me lift you high above
Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours
Anything that you desire
Anything at all
Everyday I'll take you higher
And I'll never let you fall
* * *
Someone was singing. Legolas was coming to consciousness. That song... the one Anya said reminded me of her... I recognize it now... Legolas turned a bit, shifting slightly.
"I love you, Legolas," someone said. It sounded a lot like Anya's voice. Was he dreaming?
* * *
Anya tried to stop it, but one tear trickled down her face and hit Legolas right on the forehead. "Oops," she said quietly.
Getting up, she said quietly, "Good night, my prince, and nothing but sweet dreams to you from my heart."
* * *
He knew he had to be dreaming now. Anya's voice was there... How he missed listening to her voice. Legolas relaxed, hearing Anya's beautiful voice singing and then finally saying, "Good night..."
"Good night," he murmured back. Legolas then drifted off, sleeping better than he had in the past few weeks.
~*~*~
Give me one more chance,
To give my love to you
'Cause no one on this earth
Loves you like I do,
Tell me...
I turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart
~*~*~
Anya stayed up the rest of the night, not daring to sleep... not daring to have the nightmares that haunted her for nights... Dreams of Legolas dying in her arms, dreams of Gimli getting beaten, dreams and visions of Arwen and Aragorn being tortured.
"No..." Anya sobbed. When she and Legolas had been together, she worried naught of these things... but now that they separated, it was like her heart, once taken by love, was now given into evil.
"I need you more than you'll ever know," Anya whispered, wondering if anyone could hear her desparate plea.
A/N: Anya's turn to be jealous! Geez... these two have it rough, don't they? Anywho, Jerick - he's dead. We still dunno who the heck is attacking them. Peculiar! Definitely weird and suspicious-like. I'd say this story is getting weirder and weirder.
**Credits to BSB for the song, "Back to Your Heart" and Thumbelina for the song "Let Me Be Your Wings" (forgot to do this in the earlier chapter... pardon my mistake). **
Do my dear reviewers: Thanks a lot for your compliments!
Griselle - I got you suffering? Oooh... that was not the intention of mine.
Nina - Anya got her due more or less.