Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

by Great Pikmin Fan

Part of the "SBIG" series. It's a stupid, deliberatley badly written thing I made in a spinoff to another also deliberatley badly written fan fic I wrote before. Main plot's about the kids and trolls fighting the Felt, but the majority of the fan fic involves a bunch of sidequests with the citizens. Completed.

19. What is Moirallegiance?

Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

Chapter 19: What is Moirallegiance?

Beginning AN:

I probably had the absolute least amount of planning for this as anything in the entire season, so a lot of it may come off as being winged/made up as I go along. And that might also be reflected in being one of the shorter chapters of the season, even if it's still ungodly long. I hope you still enjoy!

Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass shadow thingy. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

---

This was supposed to officially be the Weird Romance Shit arc, but last chapter didn't have that much of that. Instead it had people dying. But there was some character development, the whole point.

So I'll make up for it this time. It was a day after the whole war incident, and Rose was walking around the treehouse. She and Jade were looking through fanmail.

"Um... let's see... the Troll Empress 'thanking' us for stopping the war... even though both sides lost all the oil on that rig... spam from the judge (Do you want to increase your jury credits?) I mean damn, we go on one mission looking for co-jururs and this happens." She leaned back and sighed. But was happy to see Jade happy at her mail.

"Yay! It took just a few days of establishing the Crew, and I went from 'Military Girl' to people using my name! Oh... it happened a lot earlier than I thought."

"That's pretty neat."

"Oh, I'm a fan favorite too! Even if I didn't do as much or am not that main when it comes to them! Cool! I'm like the Noah of this group! -Oh."

"What is it?"

"...'What is the deal with you and that Rose? Are you moirals or not."

"Well," John broke in, "We are friends, you and Rose might be friends... again? So-"

"Actually, I don't think that's how moiraligence works." Rose butted in. "It involves specifically... jamming or something? Like, a ritual with playing records?"

"Um, no." Dave said, also walking in. "Records have nothing to do with it. I think you need to be holding hands or something for it..."

"You dumbasses." Netimp casually walked in, smirking at them. "It's about pacifing the other person. Any troll can tell you-"

"THAT YOU HAVE IT WRONG!" Karkat yelled. "MOIRALLIGENCE IS ABOUT TWO PEOPLE PROTECTING EACHOTHER. 'I GOT YOUR BACK' IS THE PURE SIGN OF IT."

"Well, the stronger and more violent one can protect and that's an exchange, but-"

"It is more about platonicizing the other person." Kanaya said. "Making them become closer and closer friends. That's the process of it, and the relationship is reached and considered that only when they were not friends before but are now."

"Actually, moiraligence is only for siblings. It means the same thing as siblings that are friendly for eachother." Eridan said. "Erdini and I are moirals. Feferi and I were kind of like soul-moirals since we were siblings of the soul but that was a lie on my part to try to get closer to her."

"HEY I THOUGHT IT WAS AS SIMPLE AS POSITIVE PLATONICSHIP," Terezi added, "AKA FRIENDSHIP. THE HUMANS GOT IT RIGHT AFTERALL!"

"No, it can't be that it goes by that grid that simply." Said Latlin, "Because otherwise why would auspicsism require three people?"

"Yes, and they also need a purpose." Even Aranea was stumped! Well, not counting when she recaps. "I mean, red and black romances are for making babies. The other two must also have some purpose, otherwise why even bring out the complexity and call them romances."

"You're so close..." Nepeta said to herself, listening in. Netimp meanwhile just had a hand on his face. He was face-palming.

"Yes! And that purpose is..." it was Aradia, "When two people please eachother sexually, but unliked flushed, there's no romantic purpose behind it."

"Then what's auspistism?" Kanaya asked. "And it involves three peoplticipants? Fuck, I've been doing it wrong. I thought it was caliginous that involved three people."

"Auspistism," Damara interjected, "Is when one person hates a relationship and tries to break them up. Jumping between two people is auspistism."

"No," Sollux said, "Gray romance's more like saving your life from another person. Pink romance, the moiraligence, is about two people helping eachother."

Dun dun dun. It suddenly dawned on them that...

"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE QUADRENT MEANTS!" Everyone but Nepeta, Netimp, Jane, and Joan cried.

CHAPTER XIX

---

"NO, WE DO!" Netimp cried while Nepeta just stayed worried, "GUYS, IT'S ACTUALLY-"

"FUCK THIS." Karkat said. "LET'S GO TO ALTERNIA. THAT SHOULD HAVE ANSWERS."

"-ONE LOOK AT WIKIPEDIA-"

"I don't trust Wikipedia." Kanaya interjected. "Vandals."

"Well what do you want to look for? The dictionary?"

"Actually, the one detailing troll culture has just been updated today at Alternia. Karkat was right." Said Kankri. "Oh, uh... back when I was more of an asshole, I tried to submit a new definition of racism. Anything a highblood says to a lowblood that a lowblood disagrees with. I hope tha it wasn't taken as the new definition, and if it was, I must fight to change it back!"

"Aw, you really don't have to." Horuss grinned at him. Actually happy, not just masking.

"That's racist. NAH I'M JUST KIDDING! Hahahaha!"

Rose shrugged. "Do we have any other missions? Because a trip to Alternia does sound fun."

"Hey!" said one of the Winged Pikmin interns. "It also gives you a chance to try out all those boats we bought out of your fund."

"What the fuck you bought boats." Rose asked. "I should really make that money unable to be bought by interns. We already had... oh, only one. And it was a small boat. For any fishing-related mission. I- I saw the shark-like appearances of Fin and Trace and assumed something stupid, nevermind. It was a bad move on my part."

'"Emergency sitation." A Yellow Pikmin, "After all, all of you were out. And in the ocean. What's a more appropriate thing to buy?"

"Good point. But I'll still be watching the bills."

"You'll be wasting your time. We only pay in cash and gemstones. Because you threw back that one credit card someone threw at you."

"Argh! You know what I mean! Just- FUCK IT, let's go to Alternia!"

They were going out the door, and Netimp facepalmed again.

"I'm with a bunch of IDIOTS!"

"Hey!" Nepeta shouted, "They're not so bad!"

---

(The Ocean)

Right. I should explain. The troll empire was eventually bought out by the xenomorphs, and they were forced to live in a single, but rich, island. To those that read through Sweet Jade and Hella John, two things. One, I'm sorry. Two, yes, like Springfield it also takes place on the island that was canonically Jade's but here it's just kind of similar. No frog temple or anything like that. But there is a volcano. And... there is also a huge city built on it.

Anyway, the Rainbow Crew actually took their sub they just got. Well, Rose and Karkat did. They repainted it over the day, so that it had their prism logo on it, and it got this big face thing like Dia-Gurren from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. But there was no penis battleship. That's more suited to Hecksing.

They reached the island with little troubles, first the sub with Rose and Karkat on it, then the boats that everyone was sorted on. They were like an empire, and so they walked out, and all the trolls looked at them.

"Ah..." Rose said, "I can smell the rich in the air."

"Actually, their enonomy shot to shit." Meenah explained. "To spare you even more troll history, it was kind of all blown on a fancy statue thanks to the Troll Empress. A nude, diamond statue of TE that eventually shattered."

Jade's eye was taken by a bright blue bullet bouncing around in the sky, richocheing back and forth.

"OH NO, IT'S JAWS!"

She shot the bullet out of the air, and the Crew turned around to see Jaws with his musket.

"AR AR ARRR!" He laughed, "Yes 'tis I you blokes! I 'aughta be the one behind this, yes I am!"

"...Wait." Rose asked, "Do you mean that you wanted to be the one behind this, or you were the one behind this."

"I was! I sent in the fan mail, knowing that since there's a big debate over moiraligance, I'll stump 'ou with bringing that up! And timed it so that it was right when the new version arrived! Now, you'll have to deal with me-"

Cans punched him, and he time traveled into the present, but space traveled over a bank. Because of the gun he had, the troll cops arrested Jaws for assuming that he tried to break into the bank, but then suddenly cops appeared behind Cans and tried to put handcuffs on him.

"AND WHAT IS THIS?" He asked.

"Jaws is suing you." Said the cop, "For framing him for robbing the bank. And footage did show a portal appear over him, and a portal by your fist."

"I just wanted a random building to shove him into!" Cans whined.

"Well, too bad. See you in court."

"Wait! Other ex-Felts, wanna... try to join and prove my innocence?"

They all nodded with "Yeah, sure"s and such, and walked off with him. Oh, except Damara. And maybe Meenah too, if only her join was for, like, two seconds.

"Well shit." Rose said. "We're down fourteen members. Oh well, at least Jaws is occupied in court."

They walked through the streets and they were poor and everyone was not happy. Some hobos were asking the Crew for money, and Rose had to donate her large amounts, but because the entire nation was poor that was only a temporary sollution as inflation will soon set in.

"JEEZ!" Sollux shouted, "Why would anyone live in this dump? I couldn't even get my hacking tools here."

"I think they're all either traditionallists or people too devoted in Troll Culture." Kankri looked around. "They think that this is worth celebrating. Yeesh... I was partaking in that crowd. Not anymore."

They soon found the Town Hall, and entered it, and the dictionary was in the library.

However, after Karkat touched it, metal bars went down on the doorway! A new passage opened up, and a TV monitor showed Jaws's face.

"HAHAHA! Using my knowledge of the DNA I took samples of back at the oil rig, I quickly set up a thing where the book measures the DNA and sees if it matches up with any member of the Rainbow Crew, then seals in the place and uncovers the secret Troll Empress room that I also found and built this path to! Now, knowing how the Troll Empress does things, she'll make you the ones in trouble, and me not! This is a pre-recorded message by the way."

John rolled his eyes. "Let's just take down the bars-"

But the ancestors already went down the tunnels!

"NO!" John cried, following after them with the rest of the Crew, "WHY?"

"Because..." Succubus said as she pointed at one of the walls of the secret room. "Something caught Electric's eye. It's a history... about how the Troll Empress... is related to us."

"What?"

---

(I Promise This Will Be the Only Flashback of the Chapter)

The Troll Empress fucked a Mother Grub. Directly. And then, the resulting babies were... us. Said Karmagal. We're actually vingiquadruplets that resulted from this, according to how the names on here also match up with our official troll info.

---

Then tougher, steel doors closed their only visible entrance! But another one opened, and the Troll Empress was seated behind it!

"Now that you've discovered my little secret..." She said, "You'll all have to die! OR, you can all join that party I have in celebration of your victory at the war that I forced you to go into!"

"No, no, no more forcing shit!" Roxy complained. "We'll have no more of it!"

"Well, you can always die."

She looked at the taser, then opted against it, then got out a rifle and shot it. But Mituna stopped it with his powers, crying "NO MORE!" and trying to reflect it. But then the Troll Empress also used her psychic powers to catch that bullet, and then use the same powers to hold up the Rainbow Crew!

"Really? Did you think using abilities against a biological superweapon who has those same powers, but moreso was a good idea?"

The hemoshield started glowing, and Karkat was able to struggle out of the grasp a bit more easily than the others. The empress snarled at this.

"Dammit. It's stupid cherub shit."

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Karkat broke free! Then he and the shield glowed indigo, and purple vines shot out at her and wrapped around her!

"ARGH! Makara Nightmare Vines! Grrr..."

Then she shot out a lot more, and while Karkat broke free of the psychic, he dodged around until one of them got his forehead!

"Spiders? Hm... based on the lack of personal nightmares, you seem to not know how to get into people's heads with these yet... but I do." Stickdawg wasn't actually arachnophobic specifically he just disliked spiders and Karkat coincidentally tried to use that and it worked.

And Karkat started screaming, until Equius, who the grasp had also weakened on, shot a light bullet at the Empress's vine, breaking it and sending her and Karkat flying back away from eachother.

"Okay, fine, compromise. You neither die nor go to my party. Instead, I send you down below, where the captured oddity objects are."

She pulled a lever, and a trap door opened under them. Karkat and Equius fell immediately, while she had to loosen the psychic on everyone else so that they fell too. Troll Empress closed the door after they fell in.

---

(Leprechans)

This is supposed to have two plots going at once, kind of like how the war chapter had the guys and the girls but that was actually a bit more complicated than that yet more simple since they were trying to do the same thing. While in the court room, Jaws was waiting patiently for an atorney, when...

Laywer Guy came up!

"HEY!" Crowbar said, "You... you're that guy John and Jade told us about! From the courtroom case!"

"Hm? No I'm not. I'm not the same person. But, since you probably know that I am evil anyway, let me tell you something: That was just another clone of me. We're mass-produced. Now that I told you that, it's time for me to kill you."

"What?"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Jaws laughed, running towards the doors. "I knew this would happen too! You already lost the second you came here!"

Lawyer Guy wanted backup for them, unlike the comparatively smaller Hecksing, so he snapped his fingers and was thankfully close enough to the backup. Namely, this building was right behind the production factory that makes Lawyer Guys! They all got in an aligned, synchronized line and stared down the leprechauns...

"You will not defeat us with only an army of people! Guys, after them!" Crowbar cried.

But what he didn't know was how strong and capable their liquid metal is! Quickly, the army all formed a giant cross-grid of metal that also had several sharp parts sticking out, enough to impale and kill even Cans! Speaking of Cans, he broke down the wall and they all ran out as the Lawyer Guy army began chasing after him.

"WAIT SHIT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO!" Shouted Itchy, he was burning off a lot of his energy by running in circles around the rest of them. "I'M JUST GOING AROUND UNTIL WE HAVE A DESTINATION!"

"What about our home in- uh, let's just tell them mainland?" Offered Matchsticks. "We should get back there, maybe the ship trip will give us an advantage. After all, it seems like the Crew might not need all of us for this mission. They just have a simple dictionary check. How can could it be?"

---

(Human/Troll Team (I have to come up with better names for these things))

John provided light with his fire powers. And so did Equius with his... light powers. They walked through, slowly, and Jude grabbed onto the back of Jade's... um, top I guess, that's the only place with enough real room to grab.

"HEY, WHAT'S THIS?" Terezi shouted, looking around and finding all kinds of listings and stuff. "'THE SECTION OF INANIMATE OBJECTS?' HRM..." She read off a plaque.

Rose went up to one of them. It was a rock, that shoots portals.

"Hrm. Based on this and all of the descriptions, this appears to be a place where all unusual or magical stuff is kept. Mostly magical though. A shame, everything odd is really just magic in some form or another, but some people just can't accept that. No. We have to come up with these BS theories that time and space are some kind of physical things that can be ripped or twisted or something stupid like that. Or, the opposite, that they're computerized and everything weird is a glitch. Bullshit. We debunked that when we talked to God. Who would even believe that this mundane junk needs to be locked up?"

"The Troll Empress would yo." Mannah commented.

"Good point. But I'm taking this."

Roxy read another "...A Rubik's Cube that can't be solved? HA! This is just some normal cube and someone switched two stickers! What is this, the Mystery Shake from Gravity Falls?"

Rose pointed the rock and lifted it back as though it was recoiling from a shot (there was paper instructions) and it shot a blue oval thing. Then again, and it made a yellow one (I changed it from orange because of the closer symbolism to this story than to Portal) and they opened. "Well shit." She said. "This works."

"Hey cool," Dirk said, "I think I could calculate some complex formula to help us get out of here!"

"...Or we could do this:" Mituna said. He shot a portal on the floor by Kanaya, then one on the wall, and used that to look up the skirt part of her weird torn-thing outfit. "Heh heh, going commando this time instead of your usual panties. Nice way to take after your ancestor."

Kanaya honestly didn't care since the whole Crew saw eachother naked lots of time. Dave, however, looked into the portal and looked weirded out.

"Wait." He said. "Is this, like, a gateway to another dimension or something?"

"Actually, no." Rose said. "They're portals. Though a gaze upon troll genetelia by those not too familiar with the anatomy might lead you to think otherwise."

"But we can see through them. In TV, you can't see through portals. So this doesn't make sense."

"Actually, it would make the most amount of sense if you could see through portals." Jane corrected, "You see, light is a form of something just like everything else, and it passed through existance like matter. That's how we can see, by the light eventually making it into our eyes. Now, if matter could be warped through a portal, why not light itself, even if it is an energy instead? And when light itself goes through, it creates the illusion that-"

"Ok, it's magic, I got it. Don't question magic." Dave said.

So they portaled around and found not much of interest. But then...

"'Dark Ezekiel.'" Rose read. "Huh. This is the only thing in the 'dangerous' category."

Rufioh suddered. "Bra, you should take that to your heart and all. You see, back when we were the Alphas, and shortly after Damara was captured, we were kind of asked if we could help out on Alternia a little."

"By asked did you mean forced? Because, as you know, TE kind of did that on us twice already, so it's okay if you tell us that she's not as good as she thinks of herself. Because we all agree. Fuck the Troll Empress."

"No! We did it willingly so that we could have the chance to look up our ancestors. It costs a bit to go here afterall, passports to or from aren't cheap and we only really could aford going here now because our costumes made us rich. Say, how did you find all of the ancestors anyway?"

"DNA search test. And Google. By the way, I'm going to try to be nicer about this, but to certain someones: Google isn't that hard to use. You know who you are."

Porrim and Kankri looked down and frowned.

Rufioh continued. "Anyway, our plan was that each Alpha would come up with an idea to try to kill him. But he turned out to be hard to kill, so all twelve of us fell flat."

"Ahem." Damara said, "I think you mean all eleven."

"Huh? Oh. OH! Hoo boy, I can't keep forgetting you, can't keep forgetting you..."

"It's time for me to go lawyer on you. The plan, according to Aranea giving me an account shortly after we were reunited and before we even saw you, was - in Kankri's words word-for-word - that every Alpha should have one idea. And if they all fail, you tell the Empress sorry, we gave up, and then leave. However, I was part of the Alphas, never officially got resigned, and so I still have an idea we could use. Because the more Aranea tells me about him, the more I hate him."

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" Asked Domoni.

"Eh shut the fuck up, counterpart. You're not technically an official member. We merged before you were made. I don't see 'Domoni Medigo' on the player sheet, do I? No. But I did see 'Damara Megido.' Also, once we're done with this, we should officially disband the Alphas since they don't really exist anymore."

"And the Zodiacs!" Proposed Feferi. "Seriously!"

"Well, Housestucks we're an official organization, so I don't have to worry about any potential paperwork." Rose smirked.

"Well," Damara continued, "If we unleash this guy, he might also beat the shit out of the Troll Empress, that could work in our favor."

---

(The Sea)

Funny they should be mentioning lawyers, because I think it's a good time to cut to the leprechans. And yes, Quarters was carrying Dose there so that he obsessiveness over going slow won't get him killed. They successfully got on a random boat, but just found that the Lawyer Guy army had shape-shifted into a liquid metal boat of their own.

"FUCK!" Cried Itchy. "Seriously?"

"What did you expect, dipshit?" Matchsticks sighed.

"...Honestly, that they went after us by flying or something."

Then, on the liquid metal boat, the Lawyer Guys (by the way they all look alike) all looked at eachother and mumbled to eachother, and nodded and stuff, then the ones who aren't merged into the boat in some way began flapping their arms up and down and started flying after them.

"NOOOOOO!" Most of the guys cried, except for the serious members.

They readied some guns and got prepared to fight them off, blasting them in the sky and knocking them into the ocean. Unfortunately, Jaws still had the sea creatures as his allies, so they ended up throwing the Lawyer Guys back at the team and right on the boat! It was sinking to the ground, but Crowbar managed to use his remote control abilities to manipulate another one to them.

"Are you fuckin' insane?" Asked Die. "You realize that if we get enough ships broken, Rose will punish us, right? Despite how crazily rich the Crew is."

"It is the kind of risks I want to pull off. Becides, it might piss her off more if we do die. Even if we can use your doll to save us again."

"Legally, not if we take it!" Shouted one of the Lawyer Guys. And yes, the boat was full of holes (the robots were attacking the boat instead of the people, thinking this was an easier method) that they turned themselves into spikes to puncture. And yeah the one that shouted this stole the doll and threw it far into the ocean. Die stretched an arm out to grab it, but Crowbar grabbed his shoulder, shook his head, and led them all to the next boat over.

Calming down quickly, Fin used his ability to see future trails, which thankfully also worked on robots. Since things aren't pre-determined, this is more of a "prediction" ability based on the chronological tendencies of a person. There's the lebrechaunt exposition for the chapter. So Fin saw the trails and measured carefully, using both of those to pin-point the exact location to shoot at the army. This time, the shells exploded, because they were bullets packed with small explosives.

After this, they were left with a clear ocean to jump ship and land on the next boat, since the next Lawyer Guys were far away. Then they entered torbo and blasted off into land, appearing to leave them all behind.

---

(The Chamber Area)

"Hereeee Zekey Zekey Zekey Zekey..." Jean said, waving a carrot stick in front of the metal bars that Dark Ezekiel was kept locked in.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jade asked. Jude was behind her back, crying a lot.

"Oh, hey, look." Noted Dave. "It's a switch. It says that these bars are channeling enough light magic to put him in a state of sedation. If we can turn these off-"

"To answer your question, Jade, yes." Rose interrupted. "I looked around. The place is lined with walls that prevent limeblood teleportation, it's made of titanium which even our STRONGEST members can't break, there's all kinds of guards abound, and the doors are secured by electric supercomputer things that I can't break through. And Roxy, Sollux, or their counterparts cannot hack through it."

"That might be my fault," said Electric, "You see, I really hate hackers and... I made something uncrackable. Then Troll Empress changed the passwords and even I can't get in."

"Ψiioniic, anything you can do about it?" Rose kept asking.

"Nope. I guess we have to unleash the ehbeast."

"Ehbeast?"

"We name shit like 'Xbeast' or 'Ybeast' based on their sounds. We kinda knew about Dark Ezekiel before, we just gave him the name 'ehbeast' because he says 'eh' a lot."

"Okay then."

Rose pushed a button, and then the bars went away! Dark Ezekiel looked like Ezekiel from Total Drama Island, only his skin was pitch black and his eyes opened and revealed to be red. His hoodie, shirt, socks, and shoes were all shades of gray, but he kept the teal hat and pants because teal is a badass color. And I'm not saying that because of Terezi.

"Ah... who freed me, eh?" He said.

"I did." Commented Rose. "We want to see if you can let us out of here."

"I will." He flexed his hands out, "BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I WANT TO LET MYSELF OUT!"

He then dove into the walls, and managed to out-strong the Zahhaks by breaking through the super-reinforced titanium walls and made several holes in them! The Rainbow Crew looked through the holes like in those cartoons.

"Well. At least we're unimprisoned." Kanaya said. "But that looks like a disgusting travel."

"I know a shortcut." Rose smirked, shooting a blue portal down the hole and then one yellow on the floor. They all jumped through and found themselves in a sewer (it wasn't too strong of a wall for DE to break down, but it was where he decided that he didn't need to break anymore walls since he's almost free), and Dark Ezekiel was standing on the other side of the river of sewage giving them a meanacing look.

"I'm not gonna help you since I'm, like, kind of a total jackass, okay? Even though you saved me, I'm still gonna attack you and stuff if you try to stop my rad goal of saving the world."

All 96 of them got into fighting positions. "Well!" John shouted, "We are a force of good! So we will destroy the evil that is within you!"

Then he dive-kicked towards them! But Rose fired a yellow portal on the ceiling and dodged the kick, so when he dove into the portal behind the Crew, he ended up flying from the ceiling and into the sewage instead.

"Aw- GROSS! Eh. I need to wash up. Even beings of darkness like me need to smell good."

"Frankly, you smelled bad even before you got dunked in shit!" Feferi said. "In fact, you smell better right now! Was there something the sewer wated washed off?"

Dark Ezekiel just gave her an annoyed glare, while the Crew climbed up the sewer ladder and found themselves in the middle of the road. They dodged trough oncoming traffic like Frogger, which is weird because none of them are frog-based, and were coming up with ideas.

"Let us go into that island section!" Kanayo suggested.

"No." Answered Rose. "I read a fan fiction about two pre-teens getting there, and they ended up in a cave system that nearly got them burnt by lava."

They were about to make it to the sidewalks, but then Karkat shook his head. "THAT'S JUST CRAP! DON'T TRUST SOME STORY ON THE WEB! WE SHOULD TEMPT FATE AND GO THERE ANYWAY! BECIDES, SHE'S NOT EVEN THE LEADER ANYMORE!"

So they did. And there were some trees, nothing big, but there clearly wasn't a cave entrance. That would just be stupid.

"Well, at least there's no lava." Dave sighed. "You know, how long has it been since we've seen lava? The latest I can remember was our trip to Hawaii..."

"Urgh. What about when we were held captive over that boiling pot of lava in the Felt tower?" Eridan asked.

Suddenly, their celebration was cut short, as they saw the Troll Empress floating there! She laughed, and got out some party hats! "Now, something I should tell you..." she said, "The party also has mandatory circumsision. Girls, turn into guys first."

Then she was knocked out by a musket! But it was Jaws holding it! He laughed at them, "Oy mates! Time for 'ou to die now!"

But then he got whacked in the head too! It was Dark Ezekiel and his bow, and he drew it in. "I wash up pretty quick yo."

"Ew. And not very well." Feferi snarked. Ezekiel frowned, looked at her bikini, and thought as he was about to fire.

"A swimsuit-wearer, huh? What is it with water girls who hate me? Eh, oh well, time to get massacred by the Zeke!"

He fired the first arrow, but it was frozen in place. Literally! Jade made an ice pillar with her magic, that also contained the arrow and kept it locked up!

"You know dumb broad," Sollux said, "I could have just used my psionics to keep that in the air."

"Too late!" Jade giggled, getting both her ice and her gun ready. "We need to fight them."

---

(Oregon because California already happened in chapter 13 and 18 (then again Illinois happened lots more so... no, it's the state they live in, that's different))

They landed there and the Lawyer Guys looked like tiny specks from where this portion of the Rainbow Crew was.

"So, names." Stitch said, annoyed.

"Yeah. We'll talk with Rose about it later." Crowbar replied. "For now, we're just... um, also the Rainbow Crew. After all, our hats are kind of like a rainbow, right?"

"Right."

The ship arrived! ...But only long after they were into safety, and hidden in a town.

"I think I have a plan." Trace said, "However, it's kind of like the game Oregon Trail... BUT IN REVERSE! Where we go EAST instead!"

"I thought we, um, covered this before." Crowbar said, "We don't lead them to our homes."

"It's Troll Empress." Itchy remarked. "She already knows our home."

"No, she knows the treehouse. Listen, we just gotta-"

"Hey guys," Fin broke in, "Just now my future trail predicted an appearance of one of them. I can only see up to about an hour in the future on average, and that's when he'll get here."

"Urgh. Well, we gotta find someone powerful enough to get these Lawyer Guys arrested."

"Would could do that?" Asked Stitch. "Dammit man, that's nearly impossible! These guys have the law built into them, not to mention that the Troll Empress has a stupididly large amount of power in the United States."

"Yes..." Crowbar rubbed his chin. "In the United States... In Canada, she can't touch us! Or, can she?"

"How should we know, you're supposed to be the smart guy."

---

(Alternia)

Dark Ezekiel charged after the group head-first, but was attack-deflected by Tavass of all people. They clashed around, charging through the island when...

"Hey Karkta," Said Ross, "I think you should teleport us somewhere safer. Where there are not a lot of cars swarming around on all sides."

"Ok!" She cheered, then warped them.

Sadly, they weren't in that much of a better location. It was the Imperial Drone Containment Zone! The Imperial Drones all woke up, especially the one that was from chapter 10! Who was also, as you can tell from a special scar, the one that raised the Troll Empress! Also Dark Ezekiel was accidentally teleported with them!

In case you couldn't, he said, "So... you're the ones that knocked out my basically-daughter? I mean, I have wireless cameras feeding me news, that's why I was more awake than the others. I heard that something knocked Troll on the head and caused her to fall."

Dark Ezekiel raised his hand. "It was me, yo."

"Ok good. Now I know who to do this to:"

Then the Imperial Drone charged at Dark Ezekiel! Just when it seemed like two wrongs were making a right, they were both shot by Jaw's bullet. The Drone's armor was broken as Jaws had regained conciousness and jumped over to their location (after hearing all the commotion) and Drone bled, but Dark Ezekiel just had shadow stuff come out and it quickly reformed and he evolved the damage away. Then Dark Ezekiel laughed at them.

"Sorry yo, you'll have to come up with a better strategy than that!"

Then Kiriki just lifted a hand and teleported him off about three hour's away from the island, in one corner. And did the same with Jaws. Unlike that thing in Homestuck canon, they were out in the same corner, to try to get them to kill eachother. She was about to do the same with the Imperial Drone when...

"Wait! I'm already dying, and I was just doing my job anyway!" He cried. "I... honestly have no control over any of this anymore."

"Hrm. I won't teleport you then, okay."

Everyone glared at her, even as Karkta gave a similar look (not the glaring in case you didn't figure out she would never do that, she gave the look of sympathy Kiriki had I guess).

"Actually, do teleport me. To the hospital."

"I was given reason to believe that you will expire. Why... revive?"

"I want to have pain killers, so I can die peacefully."

"Okay."

Meenah was seething in rage as he was teleported away. Same with the Condesce. No, she wasn't teleported away, she was seething in rage.

It turns out that the Troll Empress had came back up and glared at them. "Fuchsia blood powers. Lets me heal quicker. You can't keep me knocked out forever, you know. Now, it's time for you to die-"

She was teleported away by Karkta.

"Come on man," Meenah said, "You can't seriously take pity on him."

"YEAH." Karkat answered. "AND ASK ME. I AM THE KING OF UNDERSTANDING PITY. DID YOU KNOW THAT THAT'S WHAT THE FLUSHED QUADRANT-"

"No, please." Netimp face-palmed. "You're having trouble figring out even what the pale quadrant is. Don't drag another into it. In fact, screw this storyline. Nepeta, let's go and see what the lephrechauns are up to. I'll contact their phones and see if it works."

Nepeta blushed and stared at the rest of the screw, then began scratching the back of her neck. "Um... yeah, AC's counterpart wants her to go right now sooooo..."

She ran to the docks, while he walked, so she got there before him.

"Well." John said. "At least it's nice watching that ass of their's as they go away."

---

(Oregon)

They were going along a trail (hiking trail not the video game Oregon Trail) when suddenly, Egg's phone rang.

"Huh?" He said.

"Hey, it's me, Netimp. How are you doing?"

"...Bad."

"How?"

"Lawyer Guy army. I think. We're being chased by them."

"Great! I could use a break from these idiots. They're going through a lot of trouble just to find out what something I already know the answer to is! How fucking stupid is that!"

"Netimp!" Nepeta cried from the other line.

"So, where are you?"

"...Oregon." Egg replied.

"That's not in Alternia."

"We left Alternia and went here instead."

"Alright, good to know we must take the jetpacks."

Then jets flew over them. It was, in fact, Nepeta and Netimp in jetpacks!

"Hi! I'm kind of forced to help you after an akward encounter with Netimp! Since he... kkind of speaks my mind, he makes me admit things I don't want to!"

"I kind of want to do that to everyone." Netimp said. "And that includes you. Honestly, we came up with so much sneaky stuff when togehter. How do I know you have no new plans?"

"I could say the same to you?"

He looked at her, then at the ground. No, he wasn't checking her out. That's like incest or something. I thought I covered that way back in chapter 16.

"So Felt- I mean ex-Felt- I mean... so leprechaun sector, what might be the problem?" He continued.

"Oh, that's a good name." Crowbar said, "Anyway," he cleared his throat, "Again. We. Are being chased by Lawyer Guys."

"...Okay who? Sorry I wasn't paying attention that much to the phone call."

"These Terminator 2s. We must find a place to hide from them."

"I think I looked up the Terminator 2s." Netimp said, "They should be easy with your temporal abilities."

"F-first!" Nepeta cried, "We must relocate. And I thought before you were split-off or something I already looked up Lawyer Guy! Yeah, John even told me about it!"

"Sorry, I tend to push something that sounds a little dumb completely out of my mind."

---

(A Hotel)

They checked in, in case this might take a while. And picked a hotel instead of a motel at that, since it will really take a while.

"First of all, they're made of liquid metal." Nepeta said. "Enoguh melting should work if it works properly."

"And where would we find that?" Asked Trace. "I can't really find anything from their past trails alone."

"Is there a volcano nearby?"

Then they Google searched. And the answer was yes.

So then they went into a jeep (Nepeta and Netimp brought money with them, they all did so as to not repeat the beginning of chapter 15 where they have to go back home), and drove off into the direction of it and were now no longer in the hotel but on a freeway. Just to see that the Lawyer Guy army morphed into a bunch of metal parts that formed a car! Or, no, a tank! A fast tank! The tank charged after them, some bits of it morphed back into hands to pick up some rocks, which then were directed to be fired from the cannon!

"BLEH!" Netimp cried, "Jeez, this is kind of far away! Is there anything we can do to keep these guys down? Leprechauns, do you have anything that could help? Back when you were forced to work with Doc Scratch, you were really tough!"

"Er, time manipulation isn't useful when those things can even cut through Cans." Itchy said. "And yes, we can sort of verify that."

"...Yeah. They threw part of them at me. And it kind of hurt." Cans added.

Crowbar sighed. "Wait! Wait, I have an idea! Eggs, Biscuits, make an army of time clones to act as a road block!"

They did, but this only (re-)raised some questions. Questions which would normally be answered by Aranea or, hell, maybe even Dave at this point, but not covered just yet. Before any of them were asked though, the Lawyer Guy army ran them over, but it was a bit of running that they had to do.

"Why don't any of you dumbasses JUST DRIVE AROUND THEM?" One of them shouted.

So they did.

---

(Alternia)

"'Moirallegiance'" Aradia read off of the book they got. "'A form of romance where one person pacifies another, more dangerous subject, usually gaining that dangerous subject's protection as a tradeoff. Not just fucking "fellings jam."' Well. It looks like Nepeta and Netimp were right." Then she mumbled under her breath. "Again."

"That was useless." Rose commented. "Now what? Should we see the points of interest?"

"What points of interest?" Ross asked.

"Okay, that line of mine was sarcastic and you know it."

Eridan, however, would rather get out a monocular and look out into the distance. "Um, guys," He said, "Dark Ezekiel is still out there. He... somehow got along with Jaws, and now Zeke's riding on him."

In the distance, Dark Ezekiel cried "YEAH! I'm glad we can get along over our want to destroy Alternia eh!"

"We'l," Jaws said, "I'm not so much inta' destroying Atlernia, but it sounds fun! Also, get the Rainbow Crew. Even if we both got benefits from both of them."

"Yeah, it's fun beind a tra'or!"

"Totally man!"

They both laughed.

Back in the town.

"Well. Shit." Kanaya, watching this on, said.

"Wait though." Said Karkta. "I teleported Troll Empress over to them. Where did she-"

She teleported back!

"I have limeblood powers too, dumbasses." She said. "So I hid out in that tree and listened to you! Now, since you keep rejecting my invitations, I have no other choice! You'll have to die!"

Then Karkta stood up and, for once, looked proud! "No! I don't want you to make us suffer anymore! Uhhh... RARGH!"

But Karkat just gave her a "You're kidding right" look, and he glew lime instead along with the hemoshield. He was going to take the Troll Empress on. Karkta looked on like an idiot as Karkat and Troll Empress, both being very prepared, threw GPSes on eachother so they'd know where the other teleported to. Then they both warped away.

"So..." John said.

"So?" Jade answered, since she was the one that was directed at.

"They might take a while. Teleportation makes fights a pain in the ass, speaking as someone who kinda used to think it was cool and did a lot of researchers. It's not really as cool as Dragon Ball makes it look like. We should all... watch a movie?"

---

(Karkat and the Empress)

This is a list of where they landed.

First was, naturally, the Grand Canyon (this does not count towards the Crew going to the Grand Canyon once each season, as John has to be present for it to count). The dueled a bit out in the open, before realizing that this was stupid. Finally, there were tourists (okay they were there in the earlier chapters but not that important - still not important, but they are for a joke), who were taking pictures of the battle.

Going to a more enclosed space was Rose and Lily's house, where they clashed a bit more. Huh. Looks like Rose or Lily got the rug replaced from its Faygo stain from before.

The next warp was in Hawaii, where they accidentally crashed into George W. Bush's house and Karkat turned to him and asked for help.

"THIS WOMAN. CAN YOU-"

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman!" Um... right ex-president, but current-king? Anyway, before Karkat could correct him, TE teleported again, and Karkat looked on his GPF and sighed.

It was the aircraft carrier! The janitors have cleaned away all the blood, but there was still all the ink stains from the Hitler tattoo. As their battle continued there, it was getting very complicated and hard to do so around all the practicing jets, since the carrier was now active again after the faux-invasion that turned into an actual invasion.

Then they went to the Chicago-con area, and met up with Link again! Upon seeing him, TE warped out immediately.

"Oh." Link said. "That Cherub blood is working out?"

"FUCK YES!" Karkat said before his next warp, which was to the town hall, where Owen had finally finished that new bill about the mutants.

"HEY DID KANKRI'S SPEECH THING REALLY WORK?" Karkat asked. But he was distracted, not noticing her teleporting again. Damn, what an evasive bitch!

In the location for chapter 7, the ninja's house, TE was trying to take off the GPS tracker. Karkat warped there, then he said. "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT IF I TELEPORTED AWAY FROM YOU?" and warped away.

As cool as it would be to have a battle in the ruins of Meenah's dungeon, I don't want to overuse the Grand Canyon, so the next location was the hospital. By this point, it was a stereotype sword-fight, but with his scicle (and some other weapons, like guns) and her taser. And the latter had these cool electric sparks and effects everywhere.

Then was the China ruins, then John's house, then the Peach Creek swamp, then the South Park mountains, then the Santa Monica Pier (AN and the oil rig is now gone), then the Great Sasuke Bridge (named after the guy who gave his life for it), then Dracula's shop, then the RC's treehouse (AN best I could come up with for chapter 16 since I'd like to keep the Felt farther away from seassons 2, 3, 4, and 6 and the leprechans don't count since they're not on Scratch's side), then the Chicago streets (out of ideas), and finally above the ocean where the oil rig used to be.

There, Karkat finally got fed up with this and kicked the Empress into the sea (note that they were floating in the given location at all times). And he quickly managed to teleport the GPS tracker away to a seperate location, within a random dump in Chicago. He teleported himself back to the others, and quickly warped them to another section of Alternia.

"OKAY, I FOOLED THE TROLL EMPRESS. THEN I INSTANTLY WARPED YOU OUT BECAUSE SHE MIGHT COME BACK HERE. IF NOT THINKING THAT IT'S THE NEXT PLACE I WOULD GO, IT'S TO KILL YOU GUYS. NOW, WE- wait where are John and Jade?"

---

(John and Jade)

They were by the Alternian movie theaters. Yes, I did not forget about that gag with the long names. This one is Robots Who Are Blowing Things Up By Micheal Bay. No, They Are Not Destroying Things Built By Michael Bay, But This Movie Is Made By Michael Bay. And it was actually a script sent in by Kanaya (hey, she dated Edward, she has experience with movies people hate) explaining the quirk in the chance that I got punctuation wrong.

"So...?" John asked with a bit of a laugh.

"So again?" Jade replied.

"Do you like this?"

"Well, the film is pretty bad, and I know you might be trying to manipulate me again. So no. I hate it."

"...I like the movie. To be honest, you're the first person I feel comfortable confessing that I like a shitty movie to."

"Lies."

"No, really! When I was a sports player, I had a lot of high standards and expectations! Then... then I was a lot more normal. I could feel a lot more free."

"What about the old Housestucks?"

"Remember, I met you last. Let's see... going by the order I met them... Roxy would say something retarded about it, Jane might... Jane is a little unrelatable for me, sorry. Dirk just kind of always creeped me out. Rose would try to anaylze it and then be an ass, Dave would rap or something. And Jake... Jake's just an idiot."

"Yeesh. You sound harsh. Even Jane, and you're dating her! And uh, Roxy and... Dave again? But since Roxy is also with Dirk and Jake now, you're also dating both of them? And I think Rose might be thrown in too-"

"Oh wow. I guess I do go hard on them. And not in the pimp way I want to do, BAM!" He got shushed by the people in the theater.

"Why aren't you more honest? In fact, I'm kind of a jerk compared to them! Well, Dirk might have a problem, but... I think the others would take how you like this movie in with good hearts."

"Actually now that you mention it, Dirk is way too busy worring about himself than that someone unironically likes a Michael Bay film."

Jade laughed. "True."

"Speaking of going hard, that's a little insult-y, is it? You laughed at his own insecurities. It's also kind of really hypocritical?"

Then Karkat teleported in!

"THERE YOU ARE! LET'S GET YOU TO OUR OFFICIAL MEETING POINT!" He cried, just to get shushed by the other people inthe theater.

John shrugged. "Okay. I can just buy this on DVD."

Karkat gave him a serious glare. "You will HAVE to. Because otherwise Troll Empress and you're dead."

"I thought Karkta teleported her away?"

"IT TURNS OUT SHE CAN TELEPORT TOO, DUMBASS!"

More shhushing.

So then Karkat warped them away.

---

(Meeting Room)

"Okay, so we have Jaws, this 'Dark Ezekiel,' and the Troll Empress all after us at once." Rose tried to recap. "Anyone I'm forgetting?"

"Yes retard," Said Vriska, "That Imperial Drone."

"He's more-or-less going to die."

Tezlom ran back in (though nobody noticed he disappeared) and slapped a map on the table.

"I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING FIGURED OUT. FIRST, WE NEED TO SOLVE THE ECONOMY."

Everyone stared at him.

"Well, that's easy." John said.

"No. I mean, solve only some of the economy."

"Still sounds easy!" John laughed.

"If we give away some of our money to the charities of this Alternia, then the place will improve, and that might include the medical state of the hospital, which would heal him."

"QUESTIONING!" Terezi asked. "Why the fuck would we want to help the Troll Empress or anyone tied to her? Even if it's 'to get on her good side,' so what? She already sees us as puppets to do anything. And fixing somethign we broke won't help at all!"

"Think about it, original."

"I'm trying to. But the idea just... it souns a little dumb?"

"I can say the same about your dragon toys. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STILL PLAY WITH THEM! HAHAHAHA!"

"ONLY TO FREAK PEOPLE OUT!"

"REALLY?"

Terezi planted her hands on the table with said map on it. "OKAY THEN, SMARTASS. How will this 'economy plan' actually work and not just make the Troll Empress think we're more of her slaves?"

"SHE WON'T BE EXPECTING A WILLING DONATION!"

"She's crazy. She expects anything."

Meenah broke in. "TEREZIS, TEREZIS! Clearly the only right answer is to just kill the Troll Empress. Bam, problem solved."

They looked at eachother.

Then Rose shrugged. "Actually, yeah. Karkat, next time you fight, go in for the kill."

"OH HELL NO. FIGHTING HER WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS. I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN."

"The person who whines does not deserve the shield. If someone else is going to fight her, they might as well do it on equal grounds. Any voluntiers? You get the Heeeemoshieeeeld!"

As Meulin, Equius, Gamzee, and Meenah began raising their hands, Karkat huffed. "But the shield is cool! I can do all kinds of cool powers! I'm like one of those superheroes, except instead of becoming one by accident, I'm one of those heroes that did things myself! Like Batman or Iron Man."

"Was there ever a Batman where Batman built a cool shield only to use it in a serious fight just twice and then declare 'Fuck this shit I am keeping this but I will not do anything meaningful with it becides checking out my own powers and on occasion doing ineffectual and minor abilities?'"

"...No."

"Right. We had this conversation when watching the Big Bang Theory. When they mentioned that there was no episode of Star Trek where he doesn't go to space then brags about it at a tuxedo store."

"That would make a cool episode." Vriska said.

"Shut up, idiot, you have some of the worst opinions concievable." Meenah said.

"...Wait," Virkso broke in because he actually likes the sound of his counterpart's voice. "Are we talking about opinions being able to have sex? I'm sorry, I was listening to my MP3 player."

"Oh, of course you are you one-trick pony!" Vriska said. Then blushed. "Sorry. I'm so used to being at the bottom of the barrel and you're kind of the only person I can insult without being insulted back and having a bit of a point. Even my 'ONE SOLID SOLAR SWEEP' argument is more grating than anything."

"Did someone say pony?" Haerus asked.

"I tried raising horses once." Said Handmaid. "They suck."

"Well, no," added Summoner, "They tend to eat, more than suck. What sucks are... eels I guess?"

"Heh heh, what about Kirby! Oh, score!" Latula shouted, "More video game references!"

"Actually Kirby doesn't suck in Smash 64 where he's a high tier." Aranea noted. "But in Melee, he's considered worse than Pichu. Pichu damages himself and gets launched far, even if he is speedier and probably harder to hit."

Mituna shrugged. "You know, I main Pichu. Maybe that's why Latula keeps beatin me."

"Did you move on to Pikachu in Brawl?" Asked Sollux. "Because, you know, you could make the Pokemon joke and say you evolved."

"I hate Brawl. They trip and it's floaty and all the new features are disappointing in some way."

"Ah. You're part of its modding community them?"

"Yep. Make it more like Melee."

"Ew." Vriska began. "Okay, no. I have to break from my cool villain look just to say that Brawl shouldn't be downgraded. What, there's not enough dumb complicated mechanics like air turning, slip canceling, rock blocking etc for you to try to memorize?"

"Excuse me!" john shouted, "Did we really just go from 'We should defeat this empress after us' to 'Which is better: Melee or Brawl?'"

"...Don't talk about Smash to the fanboys and fangirls." Mindfang shrugged. "Things can get pretty heated. I know this one seven year old. He's still sending me death threats. Cops should just make it illegal to like all three games so far, man, because whatever they could do might be better than what the fans would say."

"SEE, THIS IS WHY I SHOULD BE THE HERO!" Karkat yelled. "NOBODY ELSE GETS DOWN TO BUSINESS!"

"Oh, yeah right." Said Rose. "If it wasn't for Dave being a guard-dog to any sudden inter-Crew fights, I would have slapped you. You don't just call dibs on the cool shield only to not use it in a critical moment."

"Yeah!" roxy shouted, "Let me be the hero!"

Rose broke into laughter. Then said, "Oh wait, you're serious. Like Bender said, let me just laugh harder!"

Roxy looked at Dave. "Can you, like, beat her up again?"

Dave shrugged. "Only physical attacks that aren't like the Truth or Dare game. Sorry. I don't do trash talk. Mostly because I'm a big trash-talker myself. Yo yo, I am the one with the flow, when it comes to trash-talk I'm the best to go."

The Crew all stared at the map Tezlom planted at the beginning.

"Oh my god. We suddenly became useless without Nepeta and Netimp." John shook his head. "Well, maybe not the Alpha's ancestors, but still. We should work on fixing that. Something happened around that war that pussified us."

---

(Speaking of Nepeta and Netimp...)

"Well, this volcano looks... um, hot." Said Trace. Netimp sighed and shook his head.

"That's what volcanos are."

Nepeta laughed, trying to break the tension. "Ha ha! You know what's funny? I think I'm the only girl here! Old-Roxy would get a kick out of that, just one person surrounded by lots of people of the opposite sex..."

"New-Roxy would too. She's a dumbass who never grew. And if she's only counting the body, both of us can change at will you know."

"...Okay Netimp, I think you can tone down a little! Have you ever heard of the phrase, 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it?'"

"Yes. It was America's atittude towards the Axis in World War II."

Nepeta sighed even harder. "You see! This is why Karkat thinks I am also a bit of a hippie! You don't like that much of the military!"

"Neither do you."

She rolled her head around in exhaust. "I'm just glad that there aren't too many Crew members to hear this."

So they got to the volcano, thanks to Netimp dodging the jeep around the Lawyer Guy car as well as evading the parts they threw.

"Alright. Just trick them into falling in here." Netimp said. "I think I might stay at the hotel for the day, and not take the land/sea convertable ship back to Chicago until the next day. PS, I have dibs on that method of transportation. Even if it doubles as a boat."

"Well, um..." Nepeta tried to get a word in ."Wait! But the air travel is the best!"

"Those are all parked over at Alternia. Where the idiots are."

"Those... 'idiots' are my friends!"

"Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that. You know you're the only member of the Rainbow Crew who gets anything done. Well. Me too."

"But-"

"The mission to Collorodo. Who was the one who saved Sollux from death? Who caught all the revived bodies? Who stopped getting killed by Gamzee, and saved Karkat's life? Okay, not that last one since he came back anyway, but who did all of that?"

"...Kanaya defeated the Shipperworm... and Terezi got Vriska."

"Killing Vriska means nothing. And that worm is equally nothing. Nepeta, again, you're the only member that matters. And me. Now watch as you'll activate our hidden bomb we planted in secret-"

She cringed as the Lawyer Guy Mobile (yeah that's a cool name) drove up the sides and she flicked a remote, activating a charged bomb that blasted them up in the air and into the crator. The Lawyer Guys then split up and did that bird-flap thing (for those that red HUC, the LG there was more of a dumbass) then Nepeta closed her eyes.

"Okay! Leprechauns, you have guns. Use them!"

They exchanged looks. "Um, we were told to put them aside during the lawsuit."

Netimp face-palmed, then Nepeta went into the jeep and handed Crowbar a gun.

"Knock 'em into the lava." Netimp said.

"JUST WATCH!" Nepeta said to him. I'm sure that the rest of the Crew is taking on a super tough problem all using their own wits!"

---

(Alternia)

They were gathered around DSs playing SSBB (this is an AU where smash 3 was also on two platforms, so that they could have a way to get this). We heard a KO sound followed by Meta Knight's scream. Jake jumped in place.

"TOLD YOU! I'm an expert at this game, even when playing as the shittiest character. This proves that tiers are not the be-all, end-all of the game."

Karkat raged in defeat. "COME ON!" He cried. "But I tripped!"

"Tripping sucks, deal with it. It'll be in the game series as a staple from now on. What, do you want to play Melle instead? We don't have any games with us."

John had his head down and his hand over it. Then Rory spoke up.

"Okay I have a plan!"

"I call bullshit on that." Karkat said, "Just admit that we're useless since this is the kind of stuff only Nepeta or Netimp can crack, and join the tourny."

"Hey," Latula broke in, "I wouldn't mind listening to him. After all, I already know I'm gonna be the winner of this."

"Okay, okay, so we give the shield to Fuchsian. But, she uses the chakra gain to use the transformation jutsu on some ordinary rock or log to make it look like the shield and give that to Karkat. Then Karkta or Kiriki, let's just make things simple and say Karkta, teleports about half of us to where the Troll Empress is, in front of her. We lie and say that half of us are heading back home to get backup that's more reliable than the shit that's in her poor dictator-like world, and someone like Gamzee, part of the group, gives away that we're going in the direction that Jaws really is. So TE will teleport over there, get attacked, and knowing her probably teleport back. That's when the other half will teleport from behind her and give a sneak attack, then Fuchsian warps on top of some building (if we're not already on the top of the city but I don't think that), and use some powers like the yellowblood laser to attack her. Wham bam, less Troll Empress. Getting the jump on her is the key."

There was a pause.

"...Shit, that's brilliant! Way too brilliant for- no, why is my own counterpart this smart?" This was said by Roxy, in case you couldn't figure it out.

"Well, during the war I realized that the shit I was doing was really immature at best and gross and creepy at worst just as I was actually dying after my heart restarted or something. Roxy, how come you're still goin' around being a sexually-harassing loser? It's kind of weird. EEw. I'm still drinking, heheheheh, love thems beers."

Roxy crossed her arms. "Okay, fine. Do your stupid plan - that's probably fail! And get it over with."

Karkat checked the GPS. "Okay, so right now she's by the hospital with the Imperial Drone..."

---

(Hospital)

"So I used a bit of my medic powers to heal you up a little-" Troll Empress began, just to have the group be teleported in. With Karkat having the "shield."

"Oh boy, I hope she doesn't find out that the other half is getting backup!" Gamzee said, "Driving their boats over by where Jaws is... what a plan the Empress will never expect! Oh..."

Then the Empress smirked and teleported over there, then warped back. "Hey! Something's not right..."

And the others warped and snuck-attacked her from behind! When Fuchsian teleported in there, she frowned. "Shoot. I really don't want to unleash a powerful psiionic plast in the middle of this hostpiral..."

"Then use some other attack!" John cried.

She actually had to look at the shield and see if it jotted any ideas. Jade? No, that color's overused. Fucking Hellsing. Cerulean? Um... yeah, why not humiliate those Serkets and Silkres some more?

So she tried to get into Troll Empress's mind, and it was briefly working and the Empress was stunned. But then she got a lot of very disturbing thoughts and stuff and didn't want to look into her mind anymore. In fact, Fuchsian fell down and cringed.

"OH MY GOD THE TROLL EMPRESS DELTA BRAIN WAVE (I got in another Futurama reference!) IT MAKING HER GO CRAZY!" Dave shouted.

"No, it's just that I'm... really grossed out."

"Why?"

"It turns out that she specializes in shocking people to death in painful ways, she attacked so many helpless Zergizocks, and her fight with Alucard and Rose Quartz was really overrated."

So the Empress broke free, and turned around. And revealed that there was a dark arrow on her back! Dark Ezekiel! This didn't seem to mean anything until D.E. teleported there from the arrow, since I guess that's something he can do. You know, gotta make him more interesting.

"Alright, that's it. I'm mostly quitting with you guys. Well, except for maybe one last supercool counterattack!" And while saying this, she was using her lowbloods (and hell, most of the highbloods, since these are the naturally strongest troll's DNA inside her after all) to push everyone and every weapon away from her.

So she teleported out, and the Imperial Drone got up, healed thanks to... what was it, the jadeblood powers? Or am I getting that mixed up because Porrim's ancestor is a doctore?

The Drone got up and then flung Dark Ezekiel out the window. "NOW IT'S MY TURN! BUCKET OR BE SWATTED! Oh, sorry, that's the wrong speech. Anyway, what was I about to do- oh. Yes. My super strength-"

He was shot in the head by Rory. "Come on! We can't waste our time here!"

"Actually, we might ahve to." John said, pointing at Fuchsian. Yep. Still looking grossed out on the floor. "This Dark Ezekiel guy doesn't seem like much of a threat if at least one of us stays on guard, and the Empress is done-"

"Oh no she isn't." Meenah said. "That bitch warped away after playing us like fiddles. I'm gettin' revenge on her! Maybe I'll even take out whta little hate I have on you!"

Equius cleared his throat. "I believe you did something similar to the Troll Empress. And never quite got struck for retribution of your endangerment to the world."

"But-"

"It's true." Karmagal said, "This is messing up your karma. A lot."

"Okay, so we're listing threats..." Jean also noted. "Ooh! That leaves us with Jaws! But he won't find us! Now, it'll probably take an hour before Fuchsian recovers-"

She vomited.

"Okay, a day. We'll have to sleep it off."

---

(Can I just call them the 'Leps? For Leprechauns? Technically not true since there's also two Nepetas but still. Um, wait, the 'Leps and the Nep's?)

Nepeta leaned back against a rock and sighed. Suddenly, some jerkass the haters (gonna hate) walked up.

"Hey! It's one of the Rainbow Screws!" One of those two teenagers said.

"Doc Scratch already used that line it's not original."

The same teenager grinned his face. They're both guys, for some reason I feel like I should point that out, this is like something that happened in King of the Hill with that Vaya Cone Dose guy. "Say 'This is an amazing adventure!' you loser!"

"I'm not even the one into adventure! That's Jake!"

"We were being sarcastic loser!" The other one said. "Of course it's common for people to complain about something without actually doing it!"

She sighed and turned around, lying. They both then saw her backside.

"Jeez, what's with the big butt you freak?" The first one tried to kick it, but instead he brought his foot back and held it. "OW! Is your ass made of metal? Shit, I think my toes are broken! Come on, let's leave this place. I can rant about the dumb Rainbow Crew and how they're worse than Hecksing in every way on my blog later. WHEN I'M OUT PARTYING!"

So he hopped back to his douchey hummer, and so did that other teen following with him. Nepeta then looked up to see Netimp.

"See, this is why I'm such a clynical bitch." He said. "Well... sort of. You know the deeper reasons. The fact that you recovered from them is a miracle."

Because I want the leprechauns to get at least SOMETHING out of this, Dose finally spoke up. "N-no you're not. Also, do you want me to kill those guys? Because I don't want to."

"I don't either. I'm sure something fitting will happen to them. Maybe after resting today, we should go back to Alternia."

"I hope something bad happens to them!" Clover said. "But my luck readings are off the charts!"

"Luck's not real." Said Crowbaw.

And then the teens alsostumbled down while going down the mountain, the the other one was hurt enough to need to go to the hospital too. Unfortunately, they had bad insurance, so instead of the helicopter airlifting them to an American hostpiral, IT WAS THE ALTERNIAN ONE THAT THE REST OF THE CREW WAS AT! But this was not a coincidence. Alternia is so poor they only have one hospital. Biscuits said "Dudes like check out what I overheard them say." and got out his oven, then everyone shrugged and got in.

So then Biscuits did something badass and surfed down on a rock. Actually, wait, no. That's pretty fucking cliche Great Pikmin Fan thing. He used Matchstick's flames and kind of manipulated it around to make zip-line out of it.

"Hey." He said. "Can we go into the hostpital with you?"

"Um not without an injury or being associated with someone with an injury."

He frowned.

---

(Actually not the hospital, but more towards the dumps)

They rented a cheap-ass hotel and paused for a minute as they looked in the room. There was shit everywhere (not literally Alternia isn't that gross), there were giant spiders and not lusii spiders, the sink water was brown, a giant piece of the ceiling fell on the ground, and instead of a swimming pool there was a hot tub that was always cold.

"Uh, no." John said. "Our organization is rich. Why can't we just rent a better room? Or, better idea, go all the way back to Chicago?"

"It's a long ride to get back there. Hence why so much time passed before we got word from Nepeta and Netimp again. Well, for Netimp he had a longer pause, but that might be because he hates us." Porrim said.

"I'm sure Netimp doesn't hate us..." Roxy began. "Right?"

"WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF REASON FOR A LOT OF HATE." Karkat said. "BUT I THINK HE SHOULD LIKE WHAT WE MANAGED TO ACCOMPLISH ON OUR OWN."

"Anyway, we will continue our adventure with the Dark Ezekiel - that we caused thanks to our stupidity - tomorrow. In the meantime, let's just rest in our ships."

Gamzee jumped on the bed. "You can, but I like it here honk honk. Afterall, I've slept in worse enviroments by accident."

They shrugged and made it to the ship.

But then, hours later when everyone was asleep, something bad happened! It was Dark Ezekiel, who crept into the room, as did Jaws!

"'Aight mate." Said Jaws, "It's time to kill 'em!"

Dark Ezekiel tried grabbing his face, but then Gamzee grabbed the hand and went "Meep meep motherfuckers." Then threw him back. "Turns out I'm a bit of a light sleeper sometimes. Othertimes I'm a heavy one. Thanks to that luck, I can still survive."

He went after Dark Ezekiel, who dodged out of the way, then Gamzee proceeded to grab a gun and shoot at Jaws repeatedly. Suddenly, a hotel manager came in.

"HEY!"

"Huh?" Gamzee asked.

The manager said, "If you're going to kill a murderer, at least do it outside! I don't want to have to lower the price EVEN MORE because there was a dead shark's body in it! And that's saying something, since the blood you left from those first shots didn't do anything."

"Oh. Sorry." Then Gamzee dragged Jaws outside. Dark Ezekiel shrugged.

"Yo, when you get that life-regeneration thing or whatever, talk to me later. I got into Gamzee's memories and I've got some ship to break into where they're sleeping at." He also chuckled. "I also wanna see that girl with the huge ass. Mmm... even though that memory was of him dying, it was nice to see that monster up close." He did a "Me-OW!" sound, and ran off.

---

(The Ships)

"Hm... knowing Gamzee's thoughts that I got, they should be around here somewhere eh... heh. Image the chaos these guys could have caused. That's why I even bothered teaming with that shark I couldn't understand."

More memories of Gamzee went into Dark Ezekiel's mind suddenly as his biology sorted through them, including one that was a bit sad for him.

"Oh. Big-butt isn't around here. Well. That sucks."

So he went in anyway, finding the right ship by sniffing around, and found Jude trembling with a gun, guarding the entrance to the bedroom.

"Two more minutes..." he said, "And I pick someone for the next shift... oh, why did Tavros think it would be a good idea to put me in charge of all things? I'm getting Equius. With him by the door as strong backup, I wouldn't feel so scared. Why don't we just move this boat out into the sea, anyway?"

"Boo, eh." Dark Ezekiel said.

Jude let out a small yell and aimed the gun over him and shot a lot of times. All missed. Then he tried to shoot again but the gun clicked. Dark Ezekiel grinned.

"So is this your lame-ass ambush?"

"NO, THIS IS."

Kurloz jumped from behind him and quickly knocked him out by hitting him over the back of the head with a Bible. "I have a motion censor that goes off when someone passed through here, and it's tied to me. Nobody else in the Crew knew about it." This he told to Jude, since DE was obviously knocked out.

Sadly, Kurloz was knocked to the floor by Jaws sneaking up behind him and hitting him down with the butt of his rifle. Huh. I guess it's a common Capricorn thing to get hit with butts? He was about to laugh, then Kursis kicked Jaws down too.

"well, i knew about the ambush too." Kursis whispered. "We both planned it together."

Jaws quickly kicked Dark Ezekiel. It turns out he wasn't out that much, but since the Bible was a holy magic against his dark self, it kind of hurt. "Mate! Get up! These guy's'll kill us! Well, kill you, I'm unable to die for good."

Dark Ezekiel said, "We should combine."

"What's that?"

"I have the ability to take over your body, which would kill it but we'll merge together into a really powerful form. This shouldn't be a problem for you since you'll just gain a new body, but I'll be in, like, a superform."

"Ok cool."

So Dark Ezekiel exploded into a bunch of fog-like stuff and floated into Jaw's mouth, then Jaws started flopping around the floor like a fish out of water. Oh. Wait. Suddenly, Jaws bursted open and turned purple and there was this solid shadow stuff that formed a big guy that looked part shark and he was purple and shadowy. It was kind of like Master Core if his form was a giant douchebag. This was so tall that he broke to the above floor and got a look around.

"Oh, right the entire Crew sleeps naked." He said. Since the Jaws body is technically dead, this is all Dark Ezekiel. "Heh heh heh, ooh nice. I can see a lot of boobies. Hrm..." He looked around at the girls a lot. He put covers on over Vriska because he knew it would piss her off and Dark Ezekiel is a bit of a troll. Then he got to Rose. "Okay, the face. Boobs... AND PENIS? WHAT?"

Rose woke up at the outburst as with the rest of the Crew, but Rose specifically reached under her pillow, drew an Ichigo sword, and stabbed him with it. I'm getting sick of the sword-stuff only so she also grabbed a gattling gun under her mattress and shot at him several times too.

"That's right. We have limited shapeshifting, just enough to make our sexes change a little or go anywhere in between. I did... that nether move to try to see if the shock of catching any perverts off guard will result in us waking up. And it did."

"Yeah, I know about the gender-bending now. I have Gamzee's memories. I also have Jaws's now. Which reminds me, where's Aradia? She pisses me off now for some reason."

"That's not your business."

Dark Ezekiel shrugged. "Meh. I'd rather deal with Nepeta and Netimp anyway than you guys and your ambush. Especially since you have light magic with Equius, and that's my one weakness. It's also the things that gets rid of Jaws's reincarnation move!"

Outside, Jaws was eavesdropping and he face-palmed. Er, fin-palmed.

Dark Ezekiel lept into the air and that destroyed up a lot of the boat. "Now, I'm not a fast flier, so it'll be until like morning. So you don't have to get your panties in a bunch. That is, YOU DON'T WEAR PANTIES MOST OF YOU! WOHOOO! Eh."

He floated off into the distance, towards the direction of Amercia.

---

(Oregon Inn)

Nepeta was woken when the lamp clicked on. She saw Fin. Since she was sharing a bed with Netimp, Netimp was also woken up.

"Hey Nepeta."

"Huh?" She rubbed her eyes.

"I predicted that, around ten in the morning, some big fish guy might come crashing in here. You know, future trails and everything."

"Ok. We know a shark guy-"

"Not a shark guy. Someone else." There was an akward pause. "Well, good night." He clicked it off.

THE NEXT MORNING, Dark Ezekiel came crashing through the hotel's ceiling. And landed on the hotel's floor. But Nepeta and Netimp were nowhere to be found.

"Aw crap eh." He said. "Did I get the wrong inn again? Because I'm already under enough debt already."

Suddenly, the leprechauns came out of the closet! Get it because they were canonically gay.

"No this is another ambush. And this time we have it right." Snickered Crowbar.

Then they all opened fire on him, and gunned down this teal monstrocity.

"YEAH! YEAH! YEAAAAH!" Quarters cried, very enthusiastic.

Dark Ezekiel, however, simply laughed around. "I AM STILL IMMUNE TO BULLETS!"

Then the rest of the Rainbow Crew drove over! In a flying ship of their's! Which rammed into his head and knocked him down. Vocalist leaped to the top and pointed an angry finger at Dark Ezekiel.

"HEY! YOU MUST PAY FOR ALL THE BUILDINGS YOU DESTORYED! anyway where's Nepeta? And... that other Nepeta?"

They were both trying to do a re-ambush, but it turns out that they were in a part of the building that broke up. When seeing it, Jake gasped and ran over to try to lift the piece off. Um, so did Terezi and Feferi I guess, because if Nepeta can't lift a building chunk off (much more two Nepetas), there's no way in hell Jake could by himself. Actually even those three might need some assistance. Hell, Darkleer, Pop, and Ma had to join them too. That sounds about right.

So then Tezlom and Yeulin ran by and both charged up light magic, firing it at him. And um this was dragging on long enough so Dark Ezekiel was harmed from the magic, and again Equius finished him off with a firing of the bow.

"Well that's it." Karkat shrugged. "Now we just have some stuff for the rest of the day."

"We can tour Oregon!" Meulin said.

"Hey," Nepeta finally noticed, "Nice to see you like being completely naked too!"

"Actually," Aranea explained, "We were in too much of a rush to save your butt that we forgot to get dressed."

"Your cute butt, Cutebutt." Said Dark Ezekiel's head. It fell down. "Sorry. I knew someone who - well, my other self knew someone who - aw, forget it eh." Then he died for good.

"Even you?" Nepeta asked. "But you're so organized!"

"Yes, even me. Now, we should spend the rest of this day doing sight-seeing. And be careful when it comes to stuff on the West Coast. Because Jaws is around there. And I don't care about Meenah's thoughts but I personally don't mind having to wait for T.E. to attack us one last time instead of us attacking her. So um."

"UM, GUYS!" Karkat cried. "WE FORGOT GAMZEE!"

---

(Shit Then. We ARE Going Back to Alternia Yet Again it Seems)

Gamzee was held hostage by... um, this isn't really coming off as Alternia so far, so let's introduce some elements of Alternia. His Honorable Tyrany was the leader of this. Then next in line was a wild musclebeast idiot. It was there from the planet wildlife I guess. And the third person is a crappy fantroll, Bororo. You might recognize her from 496 Reasons Why Multidating is More Complicated than it Seems, well Mr. Pikmin Fan gave me permission to use her.

"YOU ARE FINED FOR KILLING A HIGHERBLOOD IN YOUR HOTEL!" Shouted Tyrany.

"Huh?"

"SHARKS ARE SEADWELLERS. THEREFORE, THEY ARE HIGHBLOODS! IT GOES BLUE CASTE, YOUR INDIGO CASTE, THEN FISH, THEN PURPLE, THEN FINALLY TYRIAN, AND THEN FINALLY RAINBOW! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW THE HEMOSPECTRUM WORKS?"

"I gues I don't."

"DON'T PLAY SMARTASS WITH ME! NO, BE KILLED AND TORTURED! IN THAT ORDER."

The Crew's ship broke in. Again.

"Oh hey guys. Can you kill these motherfuckers for me?"

"Is that legal here?" Reglare asked.

"NO!"

"Well shit. Also, WOAH WOAH WOAH HOLD UP THE PHONE! IT'S HIS HONORABLY TYRANY! CAN YOU SIGN MY CHEST?"

"Um," Gamzee interrupted, "It can wait until I'm saved, right?"

"Hold it!" Cried Bororo, "I'm not getting you go. I do love you, after all."

The musclebeast just went "SKREE SKREE SKREE." I don't know I just wanted this group to have three people... or um, two people and an animal, making still for three members. And then they all say something like Sonic Heroes and Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric.

The Crew got out a bunch of guns but then John held out a hand to stop them. "Wait! This is just part of the law. I don't want to really be a fugitive! I mean we do so much questionable stuff already!"

"Also," Kankri hid his gun behind his back, "Yeah I agree with him. You white people keep ruining other's cultures like this."

"Dude culture's fine but this is human right's violation and forcing him to do stuff." Latula said.

"Alright. I don't hate white people anymore. In fact, while we're on the topic, Hank Hill does have a nice ass."

"That's pushing it. His ass is not rad. It's all shriveled up because of his diminished glutes syndrome-"

"Um, guys." Gamzee said. Kankri finally got his gun back out.

"Sorry dude but we're not in a rush." Said Dave. "In fact, you don't seem to be in a rush."

"That's no way to act!" Jake cried, jumping into the fieled, "LET'S FIGHT THEM OFF! THIS IS LIKE THE AMERICAN REVOLAUTION I THINK1"

Jaky watched on as Jake gunned down the muscle beast and had a quick fight with it. "He's so brave..."

"Do you have to pause at the end of every sentence?" Asked Dirk.

"No."

Anyway, the musclebeast was killed, and also because everyone else jumped in and gunned it down too. Next, Terezi cried "THIS IS FOR THE LAW!"

Tyriany shouted "I AM ABOVE THE LAW!" and was right above Terezi. And PS, HHT is fucking huge. I think. He's like a giant.

Terezi was about to die by the ass of Tyranny sitting on her! Oh no! But thankfully, Cronus drove by on a car and swiped her into it, saving her, and while at it they ran over Bororo. bororo flipped into the air and crashed down, badly hurt.

"YOU DUMB ASSES... ow."

Then Rocket Blaster snuck in, put her on his back, and rocketed out of the room, preparing for... SOMETHING ELSE.

Cronus managed to do a turn and handled the car well at a stop. Then he kept going and parallel parked to show how much better he got.

"Terezi, when Mituna was knocked into the ocean, I felt horrible. I don't want to feel that again. So I, like, did what a swag person like mwah would do and brush up."

"Oh Cronus..." Then she leaned in and was about to kiss him, but John spread them apart.

"YOU ARE COUSINS! SO ACT LIKE IT!"

They shrugged and kissed anyway, and John sighed and looked at the last villain (he just assummed Cronus killed Bororo instead of simply injuring her. After all, there's a big blood stain of Gamzee-color there, and Gamzee himself looked fine. As did Gamsis, Kurloz, Kursis, Highblood, and Scalper).

Tezlom ran up next with a lot of money. "HERE!" He cried, "WE CAN FIX THE ECONOMY WITH THIS!"

His Honorable Tyranny grabbed a random penny and looked at it, going "Hm... inflation."

Terezi broke from kissing Cronus to giving a laughing "HA!" at Tezlom. Then she went back to Cronus, "By the way, I am not kissing you for saving me. I am kissing you because you are kind of now a really cool fellow. SO MR. TYRANNY, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SIT ON NEXT?"

"NO ONE! WHEN I CAN ROAST YOU!"

Then he did this akward turn-around since he's so big, and his mouth was facing the Crew, and he breathed a lot of fire at them! But Damara and Karkat smirked instead. Because Karkat had extended more nightmare veins from the shield to protect them all (uh yeah he snuck it from Fuchsian while no-one was looking and she was asleep and passed out from the bad thoughts of Troll Empress), and an army of Matchsticks (um they weren't the same Matchstick they were all from Egg's constant duplicating) came out of the flames and gunned the shit out of Tyrnanny!

"All in a day's work." Said the army, as they proceeded to go on looking at the new money. "Now, to avoid inflation..."

"I'm a part-time financial accountant," said Dualscar, "Maybe I can help with that in the future?"

"Okay HHT is dead." announced Aradia, "Now what? Well, aside from celebrating his corpse and stuff."

Everyone's stomach rumbled except for Gamzee's.

"We could try out the local Alternian cuisine!" Jake suggested.

"Oh, I already had a hotel meal here." Gamzee added.

---

(Restaurant)

They ate, and obviously finally got dressed again. But they noteiced something odd. Gamzee was in the bathroom a long time. So Jane knocked on the door.

"Gamzee? Hello? Hello-oooh? Are you fine and dandy in there?"

"Urgh, no honk honk. I think that Alternian food gave me the runs. BLEEEEECHKKCK! And the vomits."

Jane frowned.

---

(One of the Ships - they left the rest behind)

For this part we only saw the ship from outside, flying over the ocean.

"Urghh..." said Dave, "Gamzee, please just push the gas petal even more."

It went faster.

"Oh my god I feel so close to breaking everything," Rose said, "GAMZEE STEP ON IT!"

"Bad news," Was Vriska's voice after hearing a door close. "The toilets in here are busted. Um, totally not my fault. We might have to go pirate style. Just stick your butt out a window and-"

"Wait. Something doesn't add up." Mindfang commented, speaking of pirates. "We eat there al lthe time, and we didn't get sick. Yet today we did. Was our food poisoned or something?"

Now the ship was over land.

"OH THANK GOD!" Cried Karkat. "ALSO, WHAT IDIOT PUT THE ONE GUY WHO WASN'T SICK ANYMORE IN CHARGE OF PILOTING THIS THING?"

"It's times like these where I'm glad that I got the Pikmin interns to make more bathrooms." Dirk said.

Then the flying ship ran out of gas! It was falling, so Gamzee did his best to try to land it in a place where nobody would die. Thankfully, that place was Lake Chicago. We saw the front of the ship, Gamzee was the only one there, as he got out and sniffed.

"This place smells bad. Like, raw eggs. And sewage. And-"

"OH FUCK IT, JUST BREAK A HUGE HOLE IN THE BOTTOM AND GO OUT THERE!" Sollux cried. We heard hammering. Nan's mallet.

Then there was a bunch of groans, fart noises, and vomit sounds, and Gamzee looked disturbed.

"THE SHIP IS FILLING UP WITH WATER NOW! I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH AND TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD IDEA!" Mituna cried.

Everyone ran to the top, looking exhuasted.

"Gamzee..." Rose panted, "We must get... on the... lifeboat... the treehouse... Pepto-Bismol..."

Gamzee nodded.

"And once we're all better, we must investigate what could have possibly poiso-" She barfed on the deck.

---

(Alternian Restaurant)

Bororo laughed as she juggled both a case of laxatives and a case of ipicac.

"Now what?" Asked the Rocket Blaser.

"Well, we should get more baddies around to help us. If we're lucky, we could even be an HRG!"

"Yeah, that sounds cool. Just not those Felt guys though. Well, I heard it's only really just Doc Scratch and his dog-ish thing. But the dog's dead. Anyway Bororo, they left several of their boats behind. Very fancy, high-tech boats we can use."

---

(Chicago)

The Rainbow Crew was life-boating back to the shore where they would make their way to the treehouse and get a proper, hopefully better start for the day than dealing with Dark Ezekiel, then His Honorable Tyranny, then getting diarreah and nausea, and they were still gripping their stomachs.

"I am so, so sorry that you had to see a lady like me perform several un-lady-like functions in such an un-lady-like manner." Jane said.

"I was used to it. A lot of other girls had that too." John said.

Then they leaned their heads together and romantically watched their one of several ships sink into the lake. Less romantic was the fact that it was surrounded by a growing patch of brown-green. Even less was the smell. Which caused more stomach rumbling. But John and Jane closed their eyes and still smiled.

"John, Jane, keep rowing." Rose said. Then the couple opened their eyes and noticed everyone in the Crew except Gamzee was staring at them looking like they had to do the things (of course they were also rowing it'd make no sense for just those two to be called out). Rose continued:

"NOW!"

---

Closing AN:

Well I didn't know what to expect so much from this, but as I re-read it I liked some of the humor near the end. Like Alternia only having one hospital. And the description of the hotel. That's... something? Other than that, I can't think of another comment for this chapter.

HANDLES:

GCAT People (Originals): GG is Jade, GC is Terezi, GA is Kanaya, GT is John. CG is Karkat, CC is Feferi, CA is Eridan, CT is Equius. AG is Vriska, AC is Nepeta, AA is Aradia, AT is Tavros. TG is Dave, TC is Gamzee, TA is Sollux, and TT is Rose. So, the usual.

EDIB People (Act 6-Newcomers): EE is Jake, ED is Latula, EI is Porrim, EB is Jane. DE is Kankri, DD is Meenah, DI is Cronus, DB is Horuss. IE is Aranea, ID is Meulin, II is Damara, IB is Rufioh. BE is Dirk, BD is Kurloz, BI is Mituna, and BB is Roxy.