Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

by Great Pikmin Fan

Part of the "SBIG" series. It's a stupid, deliberatley badly written thing I made in a spinoff to another also deliberatley badly written fan fic I wrote before. Main plot's about the kids and trolls fighting the Felt, but the majority of the fan fic involves a bunch of sidequests with the citizens. Completed.

20. What the Heck

Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

Chapter 20: What the Heck

Beginning AN:

Well, if chapter 19 looked a bit... off, it's because I kind of wanted it just out of the way to get to this. This, and chapter 21, should contain a lot of pretty cool stuff. Or... not... By contrast, I honestly wasn't enthusiastic about writing any variation of Alternia (hence why the chapter was more focused on a clusterfuck of villains instead of "The Rainbow Crew is going to Alternia!" and it probably had the worst plot out of all of them, which is saying a lot). Yeah, I know, there's "threshecutioners" and the caste system and it's violent and whatever, but I don't really feel that I can write anything interesting with that specific world. Much less something that can't be taken seriously (honestly I'm just coming up with angstfests here).

PS this might also be the last chapter to heavly mention going out into the ocean and stuff, and even then that's only briefly at the beginning and end. There's sort-of some stuff like this towards the very, very beginning of chapter 21 by proxy, but I think after that the Crew stays pretty land-locked.

Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass pirate. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

---

"Checkmate!" Jane cried, "Ooh, I got you again Rose!"

It was the day after that second day of the Alternia trip. Uh if that did take two days, not completely sure RIGHT now but I'll look it up later. It's the day that just started yet they had to kill Dark Ezekiel and they got diarrhea. This time, they were still in the treehouse, but right now Jane and Rose were just fooling around with chess.

"Everyone." Dirk said. "It looks like we have an issue."

"We're fighting random villains now?" Rose asked. "I thought we weren't exactly vigilanties. We are more like self-defending ourselves."

"It's a change I wanted to do since becoming a leader." He shrugged. "You know, bring everyone joy around. What, are we just gonna band this huge, whole thing after we take out Scratch? No. also, it's a good way to earn more money since paying for a lot of stuff to try - and fail - to fix up the economy of Alternia seriously set us back. Oh, and we spent even more cleaning up that little mess in the Chicago lake. We now have to pick between either adding the hot tub in the treehouse or having a retinal scanner. And the towns just love to fling cash at us for doing the work."

"What about the sex sells?" Rose asked.

"I threw all of Jake's concept art and the other stuff out."

Rose stood up and took her hand into a palm and shook it, before dropping it. "That's not nice."

"Actually I was joking and see if you'd hit me. Yeah, it's still doing good. Probably because the leprechauns haven't voluntiered yet. But your idea to set the price as low actually kind of removed some of the profit of it. Like, maybe ten more bucks each comic book and Jake will be making a profit from drawing the things."

"But we have, like, calendars and photoshoots and dolls and stuff! Thanks to Damara, we're even considering making love pillows (especially because for some reason Kankri stopped insisting that we were stealing from precious Japanese culture), though the thought of having someone sleep by my tentacles were- how are those going?"

"Well, again, it took a lot of the money, and- wait. I should have started with this problem first: We're not that known enough to get any sales. The photographic shoots may work, but the calendars don't since you only need one a year. Now, we need to go and do some missions, to get paid and to get some publicity as heroes, so we'll be hired for more. That's how economy works."

Dualscar ran into the room and nodded, then he walked by Jane and Rose and stared at their chess board.

"And," Dirk finished, "I put an ad up."

"Alright then." Rose said. "Where's our first mission? Let's hope it's not by the west coast, because twice we went there and got attacked by that persistent shark."

"It's not. It's by the east coast. On the bright side, we can take that submarine if someone bothers fetching it back from Alternia since it's still there. Anyway, here's the mission's jist. There's this gang of pirates going around, and we need to stop them before they attack this fishing boat they're heading to. So we have to act fast."

"Wait, why aren't there cops or bodyguards stopping them?" Jane asked.

"They did. The cops died, and the last one to bite the dust messaged the fishers telling them 'May God have mercy on your soul.' Fortunately, the pirate ship is slow. Unfortunately, the fisherboat is slow.

"Oh, by the way, leprechauns, first generation, you keep looking for other missions. We'll take this one by ourselves."

CHAPTER XX

---

(Off the shore of Maine.)

Their current boat, which I guess can be another submarine (memories of the ) was not slow. Neither was the next flying boat (they have more than what they used to get to Alternia. PS those were all stolen since yesterday, a quick check from Nepeta revealed) they took to get to the beach, and this time they had a lot more insurance on the boats and a GPS tied to it.

But speaking of tracking stuff, on the pirate ship Bororo and the Rocket Blaster both landed on it. The latter held up a monitor.

"Hey. I know that there's a group of heroes coming after you." R.B. said, "Because I snuck a tracking device into some food that was served to them yet also poisoned by my lovely assistant. It just crawled up into Vriska's hair and stayed there. The best part is because she was stalking around on Aranea prior according to what she said to herself while eating, nobody will believe that I didn't put that there when she says!"

Two of the pirates looked at eachother.

"Yarr Blackbeard," Said one of them, "Should we use the emergency missile?"

"No Whitebeard," Said Blackbeard I guess, "We can't see them, and it goes straight unless being driven."

A cannonball was shot out from the Crew's sub underwater. Whitebeard quickly ran up to a missile and got on it, while R.B. flew off with Bororo again.

The missile took off and went foreward just as the cannonball blew up the pirate ship and killed everyone on it, save for whitebeard. Whitebeard steered and guided the missile over to the area of launch, then glared, and dove under water.

Found ya', mateys! He thought, charging the missile in the sub's direction.

Inside the sub, there was a blast and things shook violently. A lot of Crew members were thrown around.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Asked John. Jade ran up to the radar.

"Acording to the radar, there's something by our window!"

They went to the window, and it was Whitebeard! Tapping his finger against it and grinning psychotically! Then he punched the window, and water flooded in and I think the pressure was getting all fucked up and Whitebeard also slid in and held a schimar!

"YAAAAAR!" He cried.

---

(The Fisherboat)

Time for the big reveal about this chapter. You see, the fisherboat contained... CARL, SERAS, AND RIP! This is the Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals crossover, and remember that this takes place around three days after HUC ended.

"Boy, this is boring." Seras said. "It's a shame we have to take this up as a secondary job now that we don't have that much crime after the Millennium's dead."

"What can I say?" Carl asked, "Once that forcefield comes back, things get pretty dull! And we'll have to climb outside our city more often to get more bad guys to stomp on."

Then there was a flash of blue, and Cans and Sawbuck appeared. Sawbuck was punched over out into farther in the air and flashed maroon, leaving and going back to that point seen in chapter 16. While Cans landed on the boat.

"Mornin'." Carl said, taking out a newspaper. "According to this, you're already dead."

Then a sea monster came up and attacked the boat, Cans punched himself and was flashed away, and then a submarine shot up from the water and turned out to be lodged in the sea-monster's ass. The lid popped open, and the former-Alphas popped out, soaked, having a battle toe-to-toe with Whitebeard, as his guns were deflecting to bullets of all twelve of them. They landed on the fisher boat, while the sub popped out and Tavros's voice was heard going "Well... there we go."

"Oh, thank god!" Latula cried, "Can you noobs help?"

"Yeah, this son of a bitch hijacked our boat and dove it into the rump of a sea-monster!" Cronus yelled.

With a shrug, Rip fired, and Whitebeard was killed. R.B. and Bororo looked on dissappointed that he wouldn't be the next badguy to join their group. Then they really took off into the distance. Rip's bullet zig-zagged around in the air while they were talking.

"Wait... you're fighters?" Asked Damara.

"Anti-HRG fighters, as a matter of fact. We are the organization known as Hecksing. We just risked more money than we are already without by answering your ad, because we felt that crossing over with an alternative group might help us out."

"YEAH!" Seras cried, "WE NEED TO GET RICH!"

"So," Rip added, "What is the name of your organization?"

"We are the Rainbow Crew! And we also recently hate HRGs!" Meenah shouted. "Well we always did but first it was just one in particular. Called the Felt. Then we recently expanded to take down other groups."

Then the other characters came out. Rip noticed Dave, John, etc the former Housestucks (but not so much their counterparts) and smirked. "Oh wow, the luck." She said to herself.

Then Dave noticed Rip. How she had these huge boobs but only a tiny, thin white bra to keep them in that looked like i was going to burst at any second. Then the only thing Rip had below that was a small little matching garment.

Oh please be a thong oh please be a thong... Dave said, as the sub went closer to the ship and then he hopped off and looked at Rip from behind. Yep. Around he back, it was just a thin band around her waist, and a tiny string starrted from that that dissappeared as it was suffocated under the pale, slightly freckly plump ass cheeks exposed to the air.

Seras was in her He;llsing outfit. and Carl was dressed like a cooldude-type character.

Dave went "Yes!" But it was accidentally out loud so he clapepd a hand over his mouth. Rip snickered. "I see you like my outfit, do you?"

Then Carl said, "So are we gonna crossover and stuff? Do the following missions together?"

"Wait," Dirk stepped foreward. "Hello I am the leader. And I say huh? You have to fill me in on this."

---

(Later, at the Treehouse)

So they did get things sorted out and were, in fact, teaming up.

"So it's agreed then!" Clapped Carl, "For the whole week of vacation we've spent here, both organizations'll take down and hunt 'dem HRGS! Total, we've amassed around fifty I think!"

"...We just eliminated one." Rose scratched the back of her neck. "Century. Just four people. We also fought off people in the Felt, but most of them turned out to be brainwashed there and their leader, Doc Scratch, is still around. The only 'real' member we took down is Stickdawg, who is pretty much Scratch's pet dog."

"...You did better than most of us. Seras and I weren't around when we took down almost all of the HRGs. All we did was kill this one known as Millennium, and Seras had zero kills of any of them. Rip worked with Hecksing in the past, left and became evil for some reason, but before she worked with them she was kind of already evil or at least mischiveiuos, and the first record any of us have of her is when she bit and made Alucard into a vampire, and so... well, that's her story. Very confusing and complicated. And unknown."

"HEY!" Jade cried, pointing a finger at Rip. "YOU'RE THE WOMAN WHO ALMOST KILLED MY FAMILY!"

"Really?" Asked Carl, "It took 'ya that long to remember?"

"No, I remember! It's just that I was waiting for us to not be in the middle of the sea to say this!"

Rip twirled around her new gun. A machine gun. "Yes, my life has been very complicated. But rest assured, I share your moral allegiance now. Thanks to your innocent tears in the past."

"Oh, shut up."

"So," John asked, "What's the first mision?"

"Oh, that reminds me!" Rip cheered, getting a coffin out and flipping it so that if it were opened something would just fall out of it. And it was opened. And the Captain fell out.

"WOAH HELLO THERE I AM THE CAPTAIN! I AM A FAMILIAR BECAUSE ONCE THIS GUY SHOT ME WITH A SILVER BULLET AND I AM WEAK TO SILVER AND THEN JUST MERE NIGHTS AGO RIP CAME BACK AT ATE ME AND BECAUS EOF VAMPIRE POWERS THAT MEANS I BECOME SOMETHING CALLED A FAMILIAR WHICH CAN BE SUMMONED AND UNSUMMONED ALL THE TIME!"

"Well." Rip said. "I was going to explain this man to you, but I see he already did the expositionary part of my job when it comes to his state of existance!"

"Jesus shit do I sound like this to, like, John?" Kanaya told herself. Then she looked over to Seras, because even with the new person there she still looked like the most talkable. "So, you worked with Alucard? As in, Alucard Badguy? Can you soundulate what he was like, I encountered him shortly before our meetup with eight of these humans, and then again after he died and this lady over here revived him." She guestured to Nepeta. "By accident. He spat in this oil rig machine, and we didn't know that, we used this machine to bring him back to life."

"We saw him naked." Mituna laughed, then frowned. "But he saw us naked."

"Really? You saw the ol' Al naked? According to Rip, she never did, and she's damn-near omniscient." Said Carl.

John flexed out his hands, "So, what are we going to try to do now?"

Seras looked at her watch. "Well, first I should um... answer Kanaya. Yes, we knew him. Barely. Rip's more familiar with him than Captain, Carl or I-"

"Okay then, that's fine! I think I got to know the man when we were naked together on the oil rig!"

"As for you John... we thought about starting it easy today, since we both spent a whole week on villains already. There's this bank robbery going on. Let's go there."

---

(OH WAIT! What is the first generation doing?)

Yes, we go over to these guys. They were on this mission to look through the Alternian records and see if anyone poisoned them.

"You know..." Pa said., "Can't help but think about looking more into the relationships our offsprings are having."

"Do you really want to?" Nan was watching the security tapes as the people who worked there set up, because they were suspicious too. "I mean, if my parents knew about my life, especially now, they would have died a lot sooner." She snickered. "Oh, how I made John. A random, quick little something something I had. Ha ha!"

Disciple ran to all of them, and had Huntress behind her. "OKAY, WE FOUND SOMETHING!"

Then it cuts to them looking at the footage at the restaurant, seeing her poisoning the food.

"She wasn't dead?" Bro said about Bororo. "So my paranoia was right..."

"Of course... it's a bit foolish to assume that a simple car crash can kill someone with that much... well, stamina, basically." Said Sis.

"So, what now?" asked Handmaid. "We have to find her! But how?"

"We all know whose really good at tracking people down." Bro tipped his hat. "The government."

"Dale, that's a bit asinine!" Said Pa. "We need another approach. Now let's put on our thinking caps and find a way to do this."

"Say," Said the restaurant owner, "What kind of whipped cream is that? It smells good."

"Oh, this?" Nan snickered, "Just a little something I made in my kitchen." She leaned up against her and started rubbing her (the owner's) leg. "I could give you a big taste right now if you want. ;)"

"Um, okay. Guys, Ms. Egbert and I... we uh... oh my god this is too fast."

---

(...And the Leprechauns)

They were playing cards against eachother. Waiting in the shadows.

"Okay," said Crowbar, "Here's the plan again. According to Rose, some criminal might plan an attack here. All we need to do for now is be on the lookout. Chances are, we'll outsmart them."

It turned out to be yet another one of those ninjas! Remember, from Mituna's quest way back then?

"Okay," leaded Crowbar, "Fin you cover the exits, Quarters try to freeze him up, Trace be on lookout in case we lose him... this guy will be our's."

But he threw something down on the floor! It left a poof of light and some electricity! They coughed, and when it was cleared he was nowhere to be seen. Crowbar snapped his fingers. "Trace!"

"I can't see him anymore! That bomb must have erased his past trail!"

"...Sorta like a very weak version of a Time Bomb?" Asked Itchy. "Hoooooly shit. I only heard about this in my dreams. We need one of those."

"Craigs'list." Said Doze.

"No, that's too illegal for good guys like us. We need something better. Like... oh I don't know... government permission."

"The only government, or the biggest one around here, is the Troll Empress. And she fucking sucks."

Anyway, they went into the house to see how much they fucked up. And the TV of the person inside was gone! But there was a note behind, it said "Beware of the return of Kenny."

"Hrm." Said Biscuits, "Dudes I think maybe these new Hecksing guys might know something about him. They fought way more baddies than us."

"Well, yeah, this is our best shot." Shrugged Crowbar.

---

(Hecksing & the Second Generation)

"Okay! I think we found a big one!" Carl cheered. "They call themselves the Anti-Supernatural Group. Huh. Sounds like they're another one of those overly-religious bigots, like Heavensing was. Um, not that I would know, I wasn't even on this planet until they died."

"OR THEY HATE SUPERNATURAL!" Meulin cried. "HORRIBLE!"

"Yeah," Carl said, "Pretty sure it's the former, because that's more like the game of HRGs. We think we might have located their meeting point thanks to using CSI-stuff. With a partial thanks to help from all your parents, and those guys that were dead but you brought them to life with that doll."

Ross flexed his hands. "So are we going to the point where they're meeting at?"

"That actually sounds like a bad idea. I think back in the ol' Al era, they did something like that, and it ended horribly."

Rip grinned. "I was with them. It ended well, but required firing a human- er... 'Simpsonian,' out of a cannon."

"So, while Seras and Rip over there plan everything out..." Carl rubbed his hands together. "Let's say I wanna look around a bit. See and feel all the exhibits in your museum of hotness."

"OH COME ON!" Seras facepalmed. "Kamina had three hundred and sixty hot co-workers! And a sexy naked hologram! Each of the co-workers had one too! That's still not enough, and you're lusting after the Rainbow Crew?"

Rip glared all around, then leaned in and quietly said, "Plus, many of them are illegal in this state I think. Consider moving somewhere else if you have to."

"Okay, okay, fine, the Rainbow Crew babes are off limits."

"And so should Kamina's co-workers and all Spartain's holograms. They lost a close friend." Rip patted his shoulder.

"They were all friends with him? You can't have over three hundred friends like that! I thought it was phsychologically proven or something like that!"

"You already have two girlfriends. Does that make for an accurate comparason?"

"For now I was just talkin' 'bout eye candy! Jeez! You two both agree that we can have additional eye-candy! I mean I see you eye-balling the Captain all the time!"

"...Wait? I'm sorry, but Captain and I don't even have that relationship. He's more like a younger brother to me."

Captain frowned.

"Not too young, though, but we do still have centuries apart."

"OIT'S FINE I UNDERSTAND!"

"Anyway," Said Carl, "I'm personally still gonnna wait another day. Right now, I got some first gens to score. Just because the second generation is legally gray doesn't mean they aren't!"

He began walking away to get a ride to Alternia, but first he turned to the Captain and said, "I'm not talkin' about Pokemon, by the way. Again."

---

(Alternia/First Gen)

Carl flew over there on a jet pack and began looking around. He saw the restaurant they where at, and most of them were leaving and talking to other people.

"Hey... wait, no. No ancestors They all seem lame. Hrm, Vlie is all kinds of probably gonna talk my ear off, Kate's crazy... that leaves Beth and Lily. No, wait. Kate has big boos. That leaves her, Beth, and Lily."

He walked over to the group.

"Say, um, I'm just here to check up on you and hit on the ladies."

Mindfang raised a hand.

"Not you."

She frowned.

"Anyway, couldn't help but notice Beth isn't around. What's up with thhat?"

"She's... um, that's a secret." Pop fidgeted. "Yeah, a secret. I'm keeping personal issues to themselves."

"She's sleeping with the owner of the restaurant." Sis cut in. Pop glared at her. "What? Just because you made a resolution to not give away our relations to strangers does not mean I share the same opinion. Or goals, for that matter."

"Oh ew." Said Carl.

"Yeah, she is kind of disgusting, especially by the higher standards of one who caretakes our food." Pa rolled his eyes. "I think I saw her drop a cell phone, which broke, into the fryer. Woe to whoever eats that and gets a GPS-tracking device in their stomachs."

"Wait, she? You mean there's a lesbian relationship going on right now?"

"Well, Beth is pansexual. I have no idea about the owner, but she's into... well, Beth's a complicated person to define, frankly. She might be a woman, but she's still completely different from any woman I know when it comes to personality."

"Ooh. And is she available for a threesome?"

"Well, not just with anybody, but... yes. I am too!"

"Nah, piss off. I'm only into the ladies."

The guardians looked at eachother, except Pa.

"Holy shit," Bro whispered, "A monosexual! I thought they were wiped extinced by the Time-traveler Extremeist Organization of Mass Reproduction around the baby boomer era in an attempt to prevent population declining by raising a bi-based Earth!"

"Uh, no." Said Sis. "Anyway, some more people told us that the ones we are looking for were people we thought we killed and we more recently found out that she might have been spotted over by the bay with another fellow the Crew failed to eliminate."

Carl ran into the restaurant, but said while he left "You know, I thought those Felt guys were killed. It seems like few if any people can stay dead!"

---

(Rainbow Crew Treehouse)

Rip checked her phone. "Urgh! Typical of him."

"What?" Jude asked.

"Carl posted a Fakebook update saying that he is trying to date Elizabeth Egbert. John, that is your mother, correct?"

"...Yeah. Wait. WAIT! Oh, no! Oh fuck no! I only knew Carl for a minute, and I KNOW that I do NOT want him anywhere NEAR my Nan!"

He ran out, before realizing something.

"Shit. I can't go all the way to Alternia right now. URgh!"

"Especially not after your predecessors got a new lead on your enemy!" Rip added.

Jude started to smile, if just a little. "Wow... cool, maybe this can turn around a little!"

"Maybe not." Seras gruffed. "After all, more of those fuckers you didn't kill are joining her up."

"Really?" Asked Jude, starting to sob again. "Oh boy... no no no no no-"

"It's just one so far," Said Rip. "This 'Rocket Blaster.' Becides, it is far more likely that any possible future threats she will amass are from new enemies."

Seras glared at her. "Why are you going to make him worse? Jade already told me that he's a ticking time bomb of tears."

They heard something drive up. "HEY LOOK CARL'S BACK! WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE I THINK HE IS TOO MUCH OF A PERVERT!" John said.

Carl and Nan stepped into the door of the treehouse and were laughing together, which rose John's alarm a little bit. Also, Jean did not appear to care.

"So then Zorin suggested to make it a foursome! And then this guy workin' under her - not like the sex way, obviously,"

"I am more familiar with that use of the term." Nan got closer to him. Pa likewise gave a little flirtatious look over to Sis.

"And asked about a fivesome. I didn't want any ball-touching, but I wanted to be polite. And I could tell Seras and Rip wanted to be polite too. But then Zorin cut the fucker in half. Problem solved."

Nan got a little farther away from Carl. "Oh. That sounded a little... harsh."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, Zorin's dead now. So, about those videoes you made of you smothering food all over yourself."

Nan backed a bit fruther. "Those are for my close friends! I'm not even going to give one to that restaurant owner I-"

"Aw yeah, I know what you did to that hot piece of ass. I walked in on you and you let me stay around!"

"...Which was kind of a regret?"

"Did I just hear you say you regretted somethin' I did?" Carl laughed. "Nah, I must just be hearing things. That's denial."

"Also John, I heard you say something about Carl being a pervert?"

"How did you hear that?" He asked before stopping himself. "No, wait, pretty much all of you guardians and ancestors seem to have, like, this Spiderman-like hearing. I think there might be a story behind it-"

"You'll find out soon enough, and I'll leave it at that."

"Say," Let's get back to Pa for a minute, "All of this talk about Nan's relations... and we don't seem to have anyone that's not part of our regular group... would you like to 'hang out' with I?"

Seras shrugged. "Oh, what the hell. It does sound like an enjoyable break from Carl talking about all the women he banged on Mars. And now, the women he banged on Earth. It was a nice break when he finally got to his work on Hecksing."

"Anyway," Said Inflamed, "We should probably tackle them by ourselves. Afterall, the leprechauns still have their mission, and we can do things seperately. Say second gens, what part are you after again?"

"The anti-Supernatural Club. Anyway, our leads point... to... well," Dirk said, "Dave, what does the radar say? They were at the park a block over right now, right?"

"Um actually no. They're coming right for us."

"How close are they?"

Then the door exploded!

"We're out!" Shouted Bro, as he flash stepped away. Everyone else ran after him, annoyed.

Anyway, this HRG was made up of... let's say, five members. All dressed in robes, because they need more magic users. The leader was named Ricky. The other four aren't important right now, let's go by their colors: Ricky had white, and the others were green, red, blue, and dark periwinkle.

"Alright, um, what we have is this stuff called anti-magic-"

"LIKE ON ADVENTURE TIME!" Meulin cheered.

"HEY! Despite our names we might like, like Supernatural, but we fucking hate that show. Ick."

"Well I'm not a Hitler-worshipper like you but I agree with that." Dave chuckled. But he got a look of dissaproval from Dove.

"So, now what?" Asked Meulin.

"Well, you groups - Hecksing and the Rainbow Crew, you're both against HRGs, right?"

"Yeah." All of them said in unison. Except the Makbros since they're all mysterious like.

"Then we have to fight you off. Come on everybody, let's go."

Then they started walking around and getting their guns out! Dave cried, "NO THIS IS A LOT LIKE BACK WHEN FIN AND TRACE ATTACKED ROSE'S HOUSE OH HOW LONG AGO THAT WAS!" But unlike back then, the Pikmin interns attacked them!

"Woah!" Carl cried, "I had no idea you have Pikmin helpers too! Maybe you won't have to rely on us so much on this one..."

Then Seras just kind of blasted Ricky's head off, jumped over to him, and ate him for familiarizing. "Invashon over." She said.

The other four got nervous and ran out, and the Crew and Hecksing followed just to see them meet up with Rocket Blaster and Bororo.

"Let me explain this one." Said R.B. "You see, we found that the first generation was trying to track us down thanks to us tracking you down, so we also found that you were trying to track down these guys. So we helped them out a bit by giving each of them a device that lets them contact with the Troll Empress-"

And then he was tackled out of the sky! It was Jaws!

"Oy green dude!"

"Who, me?" Asked Jake.

"No. The other one."

"Huh?" Carl pointed at himself.

"Yeah sure. I stole your mus'et."

The first generation ran over towards them all. Nan spoke first,

"We tracked them all over to- OH MY STARS AND SOMETHING SOMETHING I CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON!"

Jaws laughed harder. "I now know where you fuckers live! Well, meet up at, anyway. I followed those two guys from Alternia over to 'ere."

"Um, actually," Rip stepped in. Helicopter sounds were appearing but nobody noticed. Also, Bororo got Rocket Blaster wiggled out of under Jaws, and them and the Anti-Supernaturals quickly ran away from the scene, "This is the house of Hecksing for now. A temporary establishment that we are staying at for the week. These people are our guests. Once the week is over, we will be returning to our proper location at London, England."

Then a helicopter landed by them, in front of the house, well it didn't land it hovered in front of the treehouse pretty low. A holographic screen with Troll Empress's face on it lit up and started talking.

"My attack is coming soon. Here's hoping you'll all be in one place just like this. Oh, and Bororo?"

Her face lit up. She always wanted to be directly on the Troll Empress's side, and really wanted a promotion from His Honorable Tirany...

"We're still not really on promotion-level terms..." She said.

"ARGH! DAMMIT!"

"But hey, if you can help the Crew and everything get gathered together again... just let me know. I'm still preparing the thing. I'll promote you by then. I don't know what to though."

"TO A SUBJUGGLEATOR! THAT'S THE HIGHEST FOR MY CASTE AFTER ALL!" Bororo cried.

"Um," Asked Rocket Blaster, "Do I get any kind of reward?"

"Hrm..." Said the Troll Empress, "Bororo, wish granted. Other guy, I don't know. I'll give you a trophy or something."

"Why aren't you shooting them?" Jude asked.

"Well, I can't speak for Carl, Seras, or the Captain, but I would rather see what information can be gathered from them. After all, it might make it easier to dig into their roots instead of just cutting some branches and needing to deal with them growing back." Rip shrugged.

"Hey! I like that metaphor!" Jane smiled. Rip smiled back at her, and didn't look freaky or malicious, but actually appealed by it.

"I think we all do." Jake said, wrapping his arms around Dave and Dirk. Dave had a small freakout, while Dirk slowly shook his head.

Anyway, as for the villains, they took off faster than Seras could shoot at them thanks to Rocket Blaster's advanced jetpack rocketing powers and the like.

---

(Leprechauns)

"Okay, so they retreated to an obvious bank-like building." Crowbar planned. He sighed in annoyance. "We need a plan to make like a heist movie and steal it. Cans, you punch a hole in the wall. Then attack all of the ninjas that come after us, while Itchy can steal the stuff back and give it to their rightful owners. Also, throw a match on the ground, summoning a Matchsticks army in case we need extra backup."

"WE HAVE AN ARMY TOO YOU KNOW!" Cried Eggs.

"Yes, I do know. But that's not what matters. What does, that we have to fight and trust me as the leader. After all, whose the smart one around here? Hrm? Who is it?"

Eggs sighed in defeat. "You are."

"Good! Now, do the things I told you. Actually, you and Biscuits can just say right there. You're kind of... worse than useless right now."

Then Cans broke through the wall, and suddenly ninjas stormed by the air vents!

"HA! You see, we made this resemble the bank on purpose, so that you would have to attack through the manuver that we actually planned to- oh. Oh crap." Said one of them. "We didn't predict that."

Crowbar smirked. "Rainbow Crew, after them!"

Then they whipped out their guns and everything. Um, also, Itchy went out while he was taking stuff and grabbed a Time Bomb with a smirk.

"Hey boss lookat what I found!" Said itchy.

"I already told you. I'm not a boss, I'm more like a leader. Well, of a particular segment or sector or whatever we're called." Answered Crowbar.

"IT'S THE TIME BOMB!"

"HOLY FUCK!"

So they grabbed it and handled it with care, for it was a move that had a lot of flare. (LOL get it, a rhyme like the Grinch. Except it was the opposite, they were stealing from the badguys as they were now the goodguys. Like Robin Hood?)

"This... might help." Doze said.

"Of course it will! Now, let's get it to Dirk. He'll promote the hell out of us!" Itchy snickered.

"I just hope we can be above whatever rank Rose is at right now." Crowbar shuddered. "I hate that girl."

Then the ninjas tried to ambush them! But that will be a cliffhanger for later in the chapter.

---

(Second Generation)

"Hecksing, you have a new mission." Dirk suggested. "Follow that helicopter."

Seras grew vampire wings and was about to fly off, but Carl grabbed her shoulder. "Woah woah woah! Who says we have to take lessons from any of you? Did you forget that, unlike your 'generations' and these 'Felt' guys, we're our own organization?"

"They aren't the Felt anymore." Jude added in.

"I was about to follow them ANYWAY!" Seras yelled.

"Oh. Well then, in that case, go after them!" Carl cried, letting go of Seras's shoulders. But then she looked around.

"I can't see them you dumbass fucker who ruined this mission!"

"Woah woah woah, let's calm down a little! Don't you have super vampire vision?"

"Actually, I can already answerficate that." Said Kanaya, "You see, the Troll Empress still thinks that Porrim, Porsiv, Medicman, Kanayo, and I are vampires for some reason. She e-mailed us something implying that we were, not knowing about our revival on the oil rig. She put some stuff on all of her vehiculations that inhibits a vampire's senses. Kind of like masks. And they also spread around in a wide arc, making it hard to track them down."

"Damn." Said Seras. "CARL THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"

"As amusing as it would be to see Carl get beaten," Rose commented, "We have other matters to attend to. Much more."

Then the leprechauns came!

"Look what we brought look what we brought look what we brought look what we brought!" Cheered Itchy.

"Okay, what the fuck is that?" Dave asked.

"It's a time bomb!"

"That sounds like something out of a bad Sonic game."

"It might be useful... how does it work?" Rose asked, rubbing her chin.

"Lots of ways." Trace said. "Here's one: actually, just in general. We tap into the latent temporal energy inside of it. Then we can all freely turn back time, hop timelines in general, travel through time (different from turning it back), fast-foreward time, manipulate time in specific isolated places... just, generally do anything if there is enough power."

"Any downsides?" Dirk asked. "This could be very helpful in defeating the Troll Empress."

"Well, we need to plug it in first." Said Crowbar. "And it takes a while to charge. Like, five days."

"SAY THE NINJAS!" Mituna shouted. "You took care of them, right?"

The leprechauns all looked at eachother.

"FUCK!" Cried Crowbar, "Aurgh! You idiots, it makes sense, but I failed to realize they were still out there and put the time bomb as a higher priority!"

Clover laughed. "Nah we did. You just forgot or something. Or... no, we forgot some. At least we'll be taking on seperate missions!"

Carl cleared his throat. "So! The Troll Empress! And her new friends! What exactly are we gonna do about this?"

"More missions?" Dirk shrugged. "We shouldn't take a break just because we can't find our main villain right now."

"Heroes do not take breaks." Jake nodded, getting ready to fight.

Carl, on the other hand, was getting ready to drink. You can tell this because he was staring off into the bar and he drooled. "Yeah, whatever. I'll just pull the 'I'm not part of your organization' card right now."

Also, the strip club nearby. When he went into the bar, Dave groaned.

"Urgh! This guy is even worse and more perverted than Geno!"

"HEY!" John yelled, "Oh wait, I don't have to pretend I liked that jackass anymore since I told of my real self to Jade. Rest in piece, you weirdo robot fetishist. And I seriously hope Carl dies."

"HEY!" Captain cried, "UM, I HAVE A LOT MORE ENTHUSIASM THAN CARL! I CAN HELP OUT!"

"ME TOO!" Seras roared. Not in the pissed off way, more like the team spirit sort of way. Because now that I think about it, this is team spirit.

"Yes, count me in as well." Rip finished. "As a matter of fact, I will open all ears to further instruction from our leaders. Dirk, Dian, Karkat! What do you have to say about our next destination?"

"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY?" Karkat asked before he realized something. "Oh. You were talking about the next place we should go. Well... I say FOLLOW THOSE OTHER GUYS ASIDE FROM THE TROLLCOPTER!"

Dirk nodded. And Dian did quickly after. "Okay, you got it. I think I saw them going down that street over there. Unlike the Troll Empress, they don't have a way to obscure your visions and vampire-senses. Plus my kind-of-normal eyes can detect them already."

Captain turned to the leprechauns. "SAY DID THOSE NINJAS, LIKE, AMBUSH YOU?"

"Yeah they did. But we TOOK 'EM OUT!" Cried Itchy. He then gave Captain a fist-bump. They both grinned, getting cool with eachother and everything.

"Hrm." Seras said. "Before we do any major developments with you guys, I want to work with the time travel-experts first. No offense. They could use the assistance they need from the looks of all of Doze's bruises."

"Hey that was a big fight." Doze said.

---

(Flashback Since I Forgot that Their Last Part Ended on a Cliffhanger)

"ALRIGHT!" The leader of the ninjas cried, "Everyone! After them!"

But the leprechauns all got into fighting positions! And... and um...

This has already been going on for too long. Let's say that while the ninjas got the sneak on Doze because he's too slow and the others are too fast, Cans just punched them all and Quarters gunned them down.

---

"Some of them ran though, so overall shoot." Quarters glared, "We seem to have bad luck killing enemies for good. Are there even any we iced after leaving the Felt Tower?"

"Well..." Aranea was the one to answer. PS, the other leprechauns went running after Bororo and co. jetpacked while she explained. "We wiped out Jaw's entire army, Cthulhu, Dark Ezekiel, and His Honorably Tyrany. Also, yesterday Hecksing took down Greenbeard, which is kind of why today Blackbeard and Whitebeard didn't really like us that much. So yes, there is a bit of progress."

"Ok." Then he followed the rest of the leprechauns to go on ninja-lookout. The whole second-gen Rainbow Crew stared after them. And the first too I guess.

"Should we follow them?" Asked Jade.

"No," Rose replied, "They have their own arc and mission to get to. Let's just focus on another possible target, or another clue to getting into the Felt Tower. Or even figuring out where, exactly, Jaw's is right now. Hrm... did anybody see him?"

Suddenly, they realized that they didn't.

Dave freaked out. "BWAH!" He cried, "OH MY GOD NOW WHAT?"

"He should be the villain we track." Rose suggested. "After all, he now knows where we live. So... we should look around the treehouse, first. BUT CAREFULLY!"

Nan shrugged, then suddenly the first generation started one-by-one going after Rocket Blaster and co. And yeah Carl, Rip, Seras, and Captain were after them if I didn't already say that.

---

(Let's go back to the first generation again)

"Alright!" Nan smirked. "According to that kind fellow, our enemies should be running in our direction right about..."

Rocket Blaster, Bororo, and the other four guys all ran down the sidewalk just for Rocket Blaster get punched by Summoner sticking his arm out to the side. He smiled at this. (Everyone else in RB's group ran away)

"Hey, cool! I got something accomplished!" Then he cheered that.

So then Ma grabbed his arms and Pa akwardly his legs, and they both held him out. Mindfang walked up to them.

"Um, when I was making up a fake story for myself I tried to research torture methods. But those were all gross and creepy so I came up with something less painful instead."

She walked away from Rocket Blaster's vision. Then came back with a television. It was turned on to:

"HE'S GOT A HEAD OF FIREY HAIR AND A TURBO-CHARGED BACKPACK!"

"NO! OH GOD NO! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE A SINGLE MINUTE OF THAT GODAWFUL SHIT!" Rocket Blaster cried. "I have rockets and stuff... but DAMN. Also it feels like that show was made just to insult me.

"HIS GENIUS SISTERS USE HIM LIKE A LAB RAT!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

Mindfang tried to switch off the TV but she ended up dropping it. Some guy from Best Buy ran out and said, "Um... you're gonna have to pay for that."

Mindfang sighed. "Thank god for the Rainbow Crew's shared account. MAN! Our descendant's outfits got us so rich that we don't even have to worry about that much at all! Paying for the things we broke is very trivial! Also maybe something about our outfits can boost our cash even more. I mean, we are really rich."

Redglared shook her head. "Anyway Mr. Blaster, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME... Where is our headquarters?"

"Spain. Don't ask me, it's Bororo's idea. We just established it earlier today."

"HEY!" Bororo cried, getting the attention of the first generation. They all whipped their heads around and many of them were a little intimidated by her since she looked confident enough to take down all 32 of these guys.

Then again most of the "many" were the Zodiac's ancestors. So that's not too credible.

Anyway, Bororo whipped out her gun weapon and started shooting over in their direction, which got them all to clear out and Rocket Blaster to be free.

"HA!" cried R.B., who landed on his feet and then planted a hand down. "Now that we are free, together we'll totally blow you guys like AOOWWW! YEOW!"

And he got out his own blaster too-

but then Nan crushed him with her mallet.

"Wow!" Shouted Seras when she caught up with them. "Nice!"

Then they all took off! Bororo ran off one way, the the four Supernatural-haters-whatever split into two groups of two!

"I HAVE DIBS ON THE DARK PERIWINKLE AND RED ONES!" Captain cried. "SERAS, RIP, WE SHOULD GO AFTER THEM! AND BRING CARL AS WELL, BY ME FLYING OVER TO HIS BAR- ok now HE WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB - AND GETTING HIM! NOW HOP ON MY BACK1"

So Seras and Rip looked at eachother, confused, and did just that. Then he turned into his wolf form and flew over towards Carl and we saw it from the outside and Carl was shouting "Wait what WOAH?" and then Captain charged out and Carl was on his back as well.

"Um, right." Highblood noticed the leprechauns. By this point Captain flew over all the groups. "...Well, Bororo has this weird crush on my descendant, so it's semi-personal. We should go after her. That leaves you with green and blue."

The leps also caught up. Crowbar nodded, then did a hand-wavish guesture at the others to get them to follow after the last two. Meanwhile, Unithorn clicked a remote and this cool-looking Green Hornetish car drove by, capable of fitting all 32 first-gen characters and they all drove after Bororo.

The trifold chases were on.

---

(The Hunt For Jaws)

One team composed of Tavros, Feferi, and Kanaya (of the RC not counterparts and the second generation I think these guys had the least amount of screentime).

"Don't worry, I should tell the both of you right now." Feferi laughed. "I eat sharks all the time."

"WAIT!" Cried Tavros, "Wouldn't that, um, piss off Jaws even more?"

"I think he is pretty careless about his own kind." Kanaya shrugged. "He has little friendpartation with humans or trolls and will kill them easily."

"Yes, but," Tavros said, "We humans kill sharks all the time and barely care about it!"

"Isn't Jaws less of a shark and more like some genetic experiment anyway?" Feferi asked.

"Well... he still probably sees himself as part of sharkind..."

"Yeah, but he's a jerk! What kind of jerk would want to do that? You don't think he uses his weird background to act superior towards everything?"

"Maybe. But, whether you eating sharks all the time or not pisses him off more, point is he still wants to kill us and he knows where we live. Obviously. This is why we are looking around our own treehouse, feeling that nothing is safe."

"There are some remembring artifacts of this household that are safe, secure, and not in dire situation." Kanaya broke in. "We only don't unaware of where they are."

Anyway their destination was the basement, which was creepy. Also not even really attatched to the treehouse except by an elevator a small distance outside, it was just this old bomb shelter Rose found under it. This is weird. Why would a treehouse even need a basement? What's the bomb shelter even for?

Feferi lifted up a lid of a box, and inside was NOTHING!

Kanaya peeked behind a dark corner, and on the other end was NOTHING!

Then Tavros opened a door on the far end, and behind it was A DEAD BODY!

Tavros sighed. "Oh well. At least it isn't Jaws."

But he got a closer look at the dead body. It was some knight-like guy, but frozen. And as it turned out, not dead! When snapping to life, he shook around and stared at the three Crewmates.

"YOU!" He cried, "YOU AGAIN!"

"...You again?" Tavros asked.

"Yes." Said Kanaya. "I cannot speech for the humans of this organization, but I know this is the first time any of us three have been in this location. And this week is the first time we ventured anywhere near the reehouse, for that matter."

Anyway he swung and gave a loud cry, and that got the trio to duck into a pile of boxes. They then heard fast flipper-steps, then a gunshot, which knocked off his helmet. The bullet then turned into a light blue light and changed direction around in mid-air until it ended up hitting the guy again (under the helmet he looked just like some kind of guy) and blew up his head. Then, Jaw's laughter.

"Shh..." Said Kanaya. "He can change the direction of his bullets mid-flight. We would be utterly fucked if we went up against anyone with that skill. My vampire powers might have stood a chance, but dammit I lost them." I had her recap chapter 18 in case this was made into a series and someone missed that episode. "I will alert the rest of the Crew via insta-phone that can contact certain key members."

"Ask Hecksing, the first generation, and the leprechauns if they are done with their task and can provide backup." Tavros whispered. "We really might need all the backup we can get."

"No, that would overly-complicate things." Kanaya re-assured. "Becides, I cannot contact Hecksing like this."

Anyway, she did the phone thing, but thankfully silenced it first, and as Jaws was about to leave he started sniffing around.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." He said. "Those noises I 'eard wer' just some cr'zy bloke! But this, this shit is the gold!"

Then someone cried HIYA and tackled Jaws down. It was Jude, of all people!

He... regretted his attack almost immediately after though. Even before landing on the guy, he was already trying to back away from the finishing move. But he ended up landing on Jaws, and tried pounding the shit out of him on his head, but this didn't do much. So he instead knocked the musket out of Jaw's hands- uh, flippers, and it slid on the floor over to the three trolls by complete and utter coincidence.

"WELL." Jaws grabbed Jude and held him up. "YOU 'AVE SOME NE'VE COMING HERE BY YOURSELF!"

"Um," Tavros called from the background, "He doesn't know this, but he's not really by herself."

So Tavros hopped out, followed by Kanaya clumsily tripping out, then finally Feferi triumphantly dashing in and grabbing he shit out of the gun itself. Jaws laughed.

"Shoot me, and you'll never know where I'll reincarnate next! Trust me, I can pick the location. And these locations can be pretty far apart from eachother..."

"Then we'll keep you hostage!" Tavross called out.

"And what's my motivation for not gettin' shot? Your motivation for killin' me is that I have a hostage right 'ere!"

"My motivation is that I can just shoot you non-lethally!" Feferi laughed.

"HA!" Jaws laughed. "Do you e'en know how that thing works? This is a weapon that's been blessed by the Goddess of Bullet herself! Whenever she picks out a weapon or weilds it, then enchants it, any ol' bloke can channel her powers of manipulating projectiles! I even 'eard there's some stupid re'ent upgrade that lets the projectiles multiply! Create shit out of nothing or not-shit! I may not be able to control the bullets anymore since I'm not holding it and channeling her power, but you can. But it's tricky!"

"I'll fire straight."

"You have the power to launch multiple bullets that can hit anything from any angle and blow some weaker things up! These things can 'ill vam'ires! Ya sure yaw wanna not get corrupted by this power?"

Then Jaws was shot in the leg and let Jude go. Only the leg.

"Oh, thank god." Tavros said. "The aim."

And she did not warp around the bullet! So Jaws was saved! Though she was very tempted to... very indeed...

Tavros ran off upstairs while Feferi micheviously grabbed Jaws and Kanaya went over to Jude. But Kanaya also shot a disproval glare over towards Feferi.

"You know, your counterpart is right. You kind of are an ass."

Feferi instantly stopped. "Damn! Damn that counterpart! Am I making my meanness a little too obvious? Because back in Meenah's fortress-"

"Technically a dungeon. Do you not rembrance our chant?"

"Dungeon I meant that I could be mean to my enemies. And this Jaws guy is an enemy."

"Urck..." Jaws said.

"We can still be pals!"

"Girls before kills- wait, that soundificated better in my head - friends before feinds? No, that's too obvious. Uh... what I meant to ask was, do you prioritize remaining in a relaxed and upbeat manner to defeating our current enemy?"

"Yeah sure! Just... don't listen to anything Fefian says. Like, at all. He's totally in the wrong!"

Kanaya nodded, and she and Jude went over to Jaws and helped him up.

"I sure hope Tavros talked about that knight guy." Added Feferi. "That creeped me out. He acted like he knew us."

Jude finally spoke up. "Maybe he met your counterparts? I-I don't know, I would say ask them, but you know... us counterparts are so terrible and everything..." He sniffed. Kanaya patted his hair.

"Aw, you do not have to have those feels." She said with a smile. "I actually am fond of you."

"Thanks. And to let you know... I don't think I share Jade's exclusive Johnsexuality. Or if Jade even is? I mean, how can you only be attracted to exactly one person? Doesn't make much sense."

---

(Hecksing)

"WOAH MOTHERFUCKER!" Carl cried, "SLOW DOWN BUD!"

Captain was touring them through the streets in his wolf form, and the other three were still on his back.

The dark periwinkle and red ones (okay, now they're important enough to name: Steve and Charles, respectively) both stopped running and saw the wolf-thing chasing after them with three vampires on his back, then looked at eachother.

"I do say quite fellow," Said Charles, "We should probably split up again as well."

"Yeah sure man whatever." Steve answered.

So they split up at a T-intersection (they were left and right, and the part that didn't have a straight path was where they were coming from. Remember this, it's important) and Captain came barrelling down.

"I DO NOT KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN AND I CANNOT BECOME TWO CAPTAINS SO-"

He was cut off as he ran into the building at the end and splatted along it like the Looney Toons. Seras, Rip, and Carl flew off his back and through the window of that building, which as it turns out was an office. They slid down and crashed into the desks of one of the workers.

"YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY THAT I GOT AN EMAIL THAT MY BROTHER IS IN TROUBLE." Afromentioned co-worker said, "BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE BY ME TO STOP THIS MESS AND CLEAN THAT BEFORE I CLEAN YOU UP!"

Then he ran over to the elevator and shut the doors as the Hecksing members looked on in confusion. Captain slowly climbed up and walked through the building to talk.

"HEY I'M SORRY IN CASES WHERE I CAN'T PICK ONE OPTION I JUST KEEP DOING NEITHER UNTIL SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENS."

Carl stretched out and looked over at one of the female employees. "Hey baby... what's a gal like you doin' in a boring office job like this? Why don't'cha come over to London during your next vacation, as long as it's not part of this week, and hit me up?" He gave her his number. She giggled.

Seras and Rip both angirly grunted, but Seras at Captain and Rip at Carl.

"Carl!" Rip shouted, "We are in an important mission! Another HRG is at our tails, and I would be damned if I fail to add more redemption just because of your barbaric urges!"

"DAMMIT CAPTAIN!" Seras raged, "YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT WHO HAS ALWAYS MADE THINGS WORSE!"

"Hey!" Rip cried, now turning over to Seras, "Do not treat the Captain like that! At least he had a pure enough heart to give us a faster method of transportation!"

"WELL-"

"And when was the last time you did anything major, hm? I do not recall any HRG members with your name listed as the cause of death."

"I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE SINCE YOU JOINED HECKSING, LIKE, BEFORE I WAS BORN, BEFORE YOU WENT INTO THE MILLENNIUM!"

"You have been a member for almost a week! By now your lack of progress is inexcusable in a team this elite!"

"I WAS JOINED HERE BY FORCE!"

"No you were not!"

"Woo hoo!" Carl cheered, "CAT FIGHT!"

"Oh, do not think you are off the hook yourself, Carl!" Rip snapped over to him. "Am I the only one who is actually competant in this group? I mean, that is terrible, I used to be a villain for God's sake!"

So then they hung their heads in shame and Rip pointed over at the direction of the window they just smashed through.

"So, there. That is where we are going. Any questions?"

They all shook their heads.

"Good."

---

(First Gen)

"BORORO!" Unithorn cried, "You WILL sucumb to my seducing dance- oh wait, no, sorry. I'm too used to doing that. Um... my DANGER DANCE!"

Bororo suddenly realized that Unithorn was, in fact, shouting and everything from behind her. Suddenly, pedals started raining from the sky, and that was because Unithorn was standing on a building and throwing them down. Chuckling, Unithorn jumped off with a full rose in his teeth and threw down a big flower, then landed at its center. The flower closed in and shot out a lot of pollen which made Bororo cough and everything.

"Heh heh." Unithorn said. "You shoulda wished someone else came after you first! Now you'll feel how this expert master-charmer gets around! I first made myself used to this spore-stuff during combat training. It's my number one weapon against enemies like you are currently.

Bororo laughed, but also coughed into her sleeve. "Charmer? You mean like how those people you keep 'charming' are really your siblings?"

"Hm?"

"Troll Empress told His Honorable Tyranny, and HHT told me. Yeah. You're related. You love incest, you sick fuck."

"HEY!" Unithorn cried, "I'm not sick! You are! Trolls don't have incest! And becides, like you're doing much better with that psychotic crush on Gamzee. How is it even going with you two, anyway?"

"Oh, bad, but at least we're not related. Yep. And all of the descendant trolls are cousins at the very least. The Rainbow Crew is just a huge pit of incest. You guys might as well just be a bunch of red necks."

Then Succubus jumped down, but because of her outfit (remember, just the overalls) this really wasn't helping their case.

"GAH!" Cried Unithorn, "Succubus! Help prove this bullshit as being wrong!"

She just shrugged. "Sorry. I kind of got nothing. Although I can flip the definition around just a little and try to defend myself as being a hillbilly instead."

"And there's another thing." Bororo smirked even more. "Oh, and maybe a few more things after that! You're mostly just weak and liers. And unskilled. And... and wow, I have a lot of insults. You waste too much time on your weird perversions to get anything done. Hell, I think all of your descendants do better than yourselves."

"NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE THERE!" Mindfang shouted when she entered the scene. And hell, so did the rest of the first generation. "I AM A- yeah, I don't think any of the ancestors to the Zodiacs can defend themselves. Sorry everyone, Bororo's commnets are just that air tight."

"And to the Alphas, not only do we have the incest thing she said, but our lives have been... well, we have some borring moments." Succubus blushed as she said this.

"...And I do have a little thing for my son. BUT- no wait, even around enemies, or especially around enemies, we guardians should keep that to ourselves..." Nan hung her head in shame.

"Oh come on!" Sis cried, "We're not gonna let her just get away with this, are we? Can't you work out your emotional issues and capture her at the same time?"

Electric fired a new gun invention of his that fires nets at Bororo. "I can." he said. "Leutis I still don't think you've completely redeemed yourself and we need to talk a little more before moving on with this relationship."

---

"GOTCHA!" Itchy cried at the green and blue-dressed members of the group. Uhm, David and Johnathon respectively. It's a reference to Homestuck canon except those are their full names whereas John and Dave are their full names so technically they go by different names and it isn't too weird that too many characters have the same name. Like, by implication, the fact that there is a Rose Lalonde and a Rose Quartz, though Quartz was only mentioned.

Anyway Itchy said this because he sped up in front of them and smirked.

"Yo dudes it's only one of them man. Yeah." Said David.

"Hee hee! Well gosh, this should be easy!" Johnathon added, "We can just split up!"

"WAIT!" Itchy cried, "Don't do that! Everybody else takes a little to catch up. Some are slow. A lot because they're kind of fatasses. In some cases, both."

Then Johnathon and David looked at eachother, and the former laughed. Not the latter, because he is a completely serious coolkid. Um, not coolkid as in he's related to Dirk and Dad or anything.

Itchy looked over at both sides and sighed. But he went after David eventually and shanked him with a knife, killing him. Johnathan meanwhile had his shoes beep, and cheered "My boots can speed up and go as fast as a persuiter! Good luck catching up to me!"

"Hey." Said Crowbar over a walkie-talkie I guess. "Good thinking. Now, see if you can start a fire. This guy's pretty much impossible to catch by running alone."

Itchy nodded, and looked up to see a magnifying glass held by some teens trying to burn some ants. So he was about to ask them poleitely, then gave them a second look.

"HEY!" He cried, "Aren't you those asshole haters that kicked my new friend Nepeta in the ass?"

"Well, one of us did." Said one of the haters. "Obviously not me. So I can get off."

Itchy pointed behind him, "Err, that's a criminal back there. If you don't hand that magnifying glass to me, you'll be letting him go away and he might kill vampires."

"Nooo my girlfriend is a vampire!" Said the other one. The one who kicked Nepeta. "We'll do it!"

So those guys both tossed it to Itchy and thankfully Johnathan was still in sights so he angled it right and a fire started in front of him. Johnathon, not Itchy.

And out of that was Matchsticks, who only said "Gotcha" and extinguished the fire. "That was easy." He added, as he cut Johnathon's neck.

"Okay, let's meetup back at the treehouse and try to get those vampire guys to blood-extract information from them." Said Crowbar.

---

(Hecksing)

Steve was sitting on a rock and smoking crack.

"Dude... wow." He said. "I really don't care about any of this. I wonder if I'll become the next leader or something..."

Then Rip warped to him! And held up the corpses of the dead guys! Also, Captain was by her, and on his back was the whole 14-person leprechaun group!

"Three down, two to go. Adios, Steve." Rip laughed. Then turned into a giant mouth and ate him.

Meanwhile, Seras and Carl landed in front of Charles.

"My dear!" He shouted, "I could just finally bring out these gun tactacs!"

He got out a pistol and started firing at them. Even though they may have been holy, it wasn't enough to do that much damage to the kind of durable Seras and Carl, so they just looked at eachother with weirded and bored eyes.

"This guy is a joke compared to the other HRGs..." Said Seras.

"Listen," Said Carl, "I'm actually pretty bad at this. But you're a pro cop and everything. I think I only got my HRG kills from sheer luck. Why don't you try to finish him off? Give yourself a first unambiguous HRG kill, after all."

Seras nodded, shot him once, then used some extra power thing of her's to make the bullet explode. Then she ate him.

"Perfect! We're actually pretty good when we work together. Now, let's report back to HQ."

---

(Second Gen)

They were smiling as they were all together and carrying Jaws over. Then they tossed him.

"Okay... I don't know what to do becides leave you over here." Rose said. "Maybe... uh... we'll just continue carrying you to jail?"

Suddenly, something crushed Jaws and cut him in half! It was this huge, clear, dome-looking thing... made out of some kind of advanced electric thing. Troll Empress's face appeared on the screen, and a bunch of helicopters flew over.

"HA HA HA! GOT'CHA! THIS WAS MY SNEAK-ATTACK, AFTER ALL! I DID IT A LITTLE EARLY!"

"WHAQT?" Asked Dirk.

"Yep! This is made from solidized electromagnetism. Or something like that. It's basically like the show Under the Dome but without all that religion bullshit."

"Hey honk..." Gamzee said, frowning.

"Anyway... I might leave you here until you all bow down to me!"

Jake was about to, but Rose lightly tapped his shoulder. Then looked at the screen. "NEVER!" She cried. "In fact, I will try to have NONE of us bow to you!"

"Well then, I guess you're stuck! See ya, I'll cut off all communication save for setting a house down after Hecksing and the Felt and your parents go away, then coming OUT of that house to mock you! Oh, and the house will be surrounded by military bases, and killing me won't take the dome down, only worship will. And good luck if any of you die, because then you'll NEVER get out!"

"But Rose..." Jake said, "Should we do it? I mean, she said this was the last time she's going to bug us."

"The more she bugs us, the more we get a chance to counter-attack. The important thing is that we have a window of oppertunity to take down this bitch. Not that she stops bothering us. Because defeating the villain is how the Rainbow Crew opperates." She smirked, and leaned in. "Also, remember that portal rock from Alternia? Guess what. I had a system set up where I link one portal in the treehouse to another portal by Ikea. Which is where the Pikmin interns go for supplies. That should give us the upper edge."

"Ew not Ikea." Said John.

Then the Hecksing and leprechaun groups flew over, again all on Captain's back! And they all frowned when they saw what happened. Rose immediately started writing.

"We're stuck here." She wrote. Because it was sound proof. She said "We're stuck here" first but they all looked at eachother like they couldn't hear.

Carl whipped out the portal rock and threw it at the dome. Rose winced.

"Wait," She wrote, "Where the hell did you get that from?"

Carl wrote back, "I stole it from your tentacle-pocket thingy just before I left! I don't see much point in it though. I wonder how much it'll sell for..."

"We can make a shortcut out of the dome! Now, fire a yellow portal on the ground."

So Carl did.

"Jump through it."

They all did so, then suddenly the yellow portal he fired dissappeared. Instead, a new one popped up on the wall of the dome, and the guys all went out through that exit. (Well they fell out in the room itself since there the portal was on the floor.) Rose peeked her head in and saw the interior room with a bunch of Pikmin interns, who shrugged at her.

"AW! Did you fire that new one on the wall of the dome?" She asked. Oh, since the portal is on a clear surface, I should explain what it looks like from the back because that bugs me: Just a solid swirl of the respective color.

"Yep!" Carl said, flipping the rock around. "Cool shortcut, huh?"

The entire Rainbow Crew, and Seras, Rip, and Captain, all glared at Carl. No exceptions. Except for the first generation since they weren't here.

Okay now they were. First made apparant by Bororo running until she slammed into the wall. Then Dad flash-stepped there, knocked on it, and shrugged. Rose used the same "We're stuck here." paper from before, then John added a new "Long story. Troll Empress." paper.

Dad wrote, "Bororo kind of escaped from our grasp because we were all debating. Well, most of us. I stayed level."

Gamzee wrote, "Kill her she scares me. :o(." Then added "Wait do I use a big o or a little o for the nose it's been a while. Just a few days but they were long."

Dad nodded. "Okay," then stabbed her. Wham bam damn, she's dead.

Rose sighed. "So thanks to both portals being inside, we can't get out." She said. "Dammit Carl."

Rip shrugged. "I cannot defend him. I can, however, do something more useful. Break you out of here without ever having to beg to that pathetic excuse for a leader. First, let me go over to her camping area and meditate a little. You know, dig my sensors into the soil and dome a bit and find possible weakpoints. These things are tough. And they are lined with holy material most of the time. Knowing the Empress, for she sent a robot after us, this is likely the case. This should take about... five days, maybe. Tops. Until then, it appears you have enough air to breathe in and a nice stache of food sooooo... have fun!"

"HEY I CAN DEFEND HIM!" Seras cried. Rip sighed.

"Rainbow Crew - and Captain, maybe not you Carl - you can just rush over to the treehouse. This might take a while. The debate, I mean, not me finding a way out. Because that is more than a while."

Carl sighed, then started digging into his pockets. "I'm goin' nowhere with this. If I wanna meet up with that sweet office gal again, I should probably spend onna these."

He took his hand out, revealing four red token-looking things. Dave couldn't help but have his eyes locked on them as Carl disobeyed anyway and walked off, going into the treehouse. "Or I could wait 'til tomorrow." He continued, "Rip seems like she got this. Maybe she'll finally surprise me outta bed! As in, not like when she tried to kill me and Seras. Boy that felt like years ago even though it was only days. Musta been all that alcohol in my blood. God I gotta stop drinking."

So then the Crew and to a lesser extent Hecksing just had a normal day and Carl kept screwing around with the supplies. There thankfully did not appear to be any signs of Jaws at least, but he could shake things up a little. Then Dove casually mentioned Jaws just before going to bed and the Rainbow Crew was all scared so they slept huddled together. And naked because they hid under a huge ball of their own clothing.

---

(The Next Morning, Day 2)

John opened his eyes and felt something taking off the piles of clothes. He shivered a little. But it was Nan!

"Oh. Oh! Is the dome down?"

She giggled, "Nope! But Lily managed to invent a teleportation device that could counter-act with the signals!"

"THAT REMINDS ME." We heard Karkat's voice under the pile. They might not normally dress in much, but remember that there's both backup outfits and also more covering costumes like backups of their original, old outfits. "KARKTA. TELEPORT US OUT."

"Actually, um..." Aranea said. "I know that these can shield out troll psychic powers. Actually it's pretty much just like the prison we were in back on Alternia. But I'm certain we can teleport around freely once the Troll Empress is no longer a threat."

"OKAY THEN SHIT. UM... TITBERT, YOU TELEPORT US OUT."

"No can do! Thanks to a little... oversight," Nan glared at Bro, who hung his head down in the shame. "The certain someone who had that last teleport forgot to also warp-in the device itself."

Mom ran to the beer fridge and started drinking. "Bitch, I'm not making another one of those. That took too much effort."

Dave's head rose up from the pile. "OH MY GOD! IF THERE'S A WARPAPORTER OUT THERE AND JAWS MIGHT BE OUT THERE SINCE WE AREN'T KILLED YET... AND THE TROLL EMPRESS... BRO YOU REALLY FUCKED UP!"

So he dashed out of the pile but noticed he was covered in striped and indigo underwear. "Ew Gamzee and Gamsis..." then kept running and threw that off of him.

John who was still lying down watched on. PS Jade was lying on him and had her arms wrapped around him. "What a weirdo."

Then Jane got on Jade and grinned. "You can enjoy him as you wish, but one thing you should know is that I like to have my room..."

Jade sighed and rolled so that Jane could also be by John.

"This is boring. I think watching Dave would be funnier." John said.

But as he pasts Nan, Carl came and chuckled at her. "WOO HOO!" He said, "This week just got better! I might save my tokens for later!"

John shuddered.

---

(Outside)

It was sunrise, and out of the dome Jaws was sleeping with the teleporter thing in his fins. Dave knocked on the edge of the dome, which woke him up. Jaws laughed and then said:

None of them could hear him.

"What?" Dave asked. "Can't hear you. Dome." He tried to make the mouth motions to make it audioble. But Jaws teleported away. Dave frowned as some of the other Crew members ran to him. "I'll never know what he said. And now we can't just have Matchsticks teleport to a random fire in the past and take that device and give it to all of us. Anyway the never hear thing. That will drive me crazy-"

"I SAID, YOU MATES AUGHTA GET UR WEAPONS AND TE'OLOGY POLISHE'!"

Dave turned around. Jaws teleported behind them! And then he pointed up, revealing that the teleporter was on the top of the dome! Fuck!

"Right then. Ere's the deal. Each time I die, I'll move my ghosty stuff outside of the dome, and re-materialize there! 'en I'll just climb back up and get that there teleporter, and repeat the same process! Makin' you gettin' trapped in there more obnoxious! Heheheheheh!"

Then Rose shot him and he fell and died. "Good luck continually climbing up there. Aradia, do you still have that spellbook? Because that sounds important enough to try to learn."

Aradia shook her head. "No. It is too risky. Light magic alone causes some werid effects with it if it doesn't wear off in some time."

Equius snapped his fingers. "LIGHT MAGIC!" He cried, then he breathed on the dome and wrote on it:

!cigam thgil ym htiw ffo uoy hsinif ll'ew ni emoc uoy emit txen ehT

(That's what it looked like from the other side. The side Jaws was on when he materialized. Well, um, the text should probably be mirrored I think, but I can't really do that I think. And if I did it would be too confusing.)

Jaws read this and frowned. He was good at reading backwards. So he shrugged and walked off. Then the Troll Empress jumped there in his place, started laughing, and ran up the side of the dome.

"Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT. NO!" Vriska cried. "NO. NO. NO! I do not want her to be bunking with us too! Carl's bad enough!"

Shrugging, John used his fire magic knowledge to jet himself to the part T.E. was on and simply flew past that and burned the dome at the area T.E. would run up to. Then she grabbed on to her foot and started hopping, which made her slip and fall down. When she hit the ground, they could tell that she was still breathing, but unconcious.

"A fall like that count mean she won't be up until maybe around two weeks." Medicman said.

Jake did that thing where he put a fist down on his palm. "Perfect! Rip says this should only take about five days to remove the dome! Once that's taken care of we'll just stab her through the brain!"

"Of course, rainbowblood means give or take several days. I don't know. She might even recover instantly."

Dave snapped his fingers. "Oh! Carl! I saw you with these things from your pocket. These little red things. What were they?"

"Wha? Ya' mean ya' know nothin' about Hank Tokens? Man, that rumor persists around for a while in Martian lore. And a li'l bit on Earth. Weren't you followin' conspiracies?"

"...Not too much. Well, I make my own up, but-"

"Anyway though, before I can activate one, I'll need to do some lawncare. Er... can you really call this a lawn?"

"I can," Dirk said, "And sure. Do the lawn. Even the Pikmin interns don't seem to like this that much."

"Wait, they're part plant." Jake spoke up, "Maybe lawncare is, like, greusome from their perspective?"

The entire Rainbow Crew and all of Hecksing looked at the ground and frowned. "Damn." Said Dave. "never thought of that. Pikmin have sad lives."

"No," Said Jake, "Then again they chop down pellets and pull tall grass for nectar all the time. Maybe they are just lazy-asses. Either way, Dirk okayed you helping us out, go head. And John, maybe he isn't that bad!"

John glared when he saw Carl looking over at Nan and they both laughed to eachother.

"Bluh. The whole days with him..."

---

(Following Day, Day 3)

John woke up and had Nan frowning over him. Because of Jaw's absense they were no longer sleeping together naked.

"You do not seem to approve of my flirtings with Carl."

"Well, I don't mind if you dated who you wanted for the most part. I have no feelings like I miss my father or any cliche crap. But... Carl is... well, he's Carl. And I hate the thought of any friends going near that asshole, much less in a privates-sort of way."

"Friend? Er... I am not only older than you in general, but I am also your legal guardian. A grown woman," she slapped her ass to emphasize, which got just about everyone else to stare at that, "Who can concent and make her own decisions. At the very least, as long as you reside under my roof, you really can't tell me who I should and shouldn't date."

"Is that a challenge to move out?"

"...Actually, yes. And if you have everything ready before the dome comes out- or dissolves or- I don't know how this works, then I will no longer see him."

"Pfft! A dare that big. That only means you have no faith in me moving out."

Nan sighed. "Let's just forget about this and go back to Rainbow Crew shenanigangs." Yes I just made you think Oh god this is still a Homestuck fan fic. "And see where Carl himself is."

As they all started waking up in their seperate beds, Rose snickered. "Well. I am glad I moved out already."

They saw Carl with the bag of lawn clippings (right? the cut-up grass) and he was pouring it on the cobblestone pathway leading to the treehouse. Yes, the treehouse has a cobblestone pathway. Should have mentioned that earlier. Anyway, it was in the shape of... a gas tank? He got down on his knees in front of it.

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun! STAMPEDE!" Carl cried. "GO YOU DALLAS COWBOYS, GO!"

The lawn clippings floated into the air and started spinning around and turned into light and formed a circle that went together and made a bright light.

"You summoning has been answered." Said a voice from the light. The light of which kind of collapsed on itself and went smaller.

"Wait!" Cried Kanaya, "That voice..."

"Yep."

Then the light exploded out and made a familiar appearance. It was Hank Hill! And he was still in his leaf costume!

"Greetings, Carl." Said Hank, "Would you like to earn a fifth token, or spend one of your tokens for a favor now?"

"Spend."

Hank looked behind him. "I uh, see. You want to get out of this place. Right?"

"Of course! Now, let me leave!"

Hank turned back to face Carl and took a deep breath in. "You know how my deals work. I could make an easy save for you, but I don't really work that way. You gotta earn your reward. All I do is balance things out so that your reward is earnable."

"So? What can 'ya do?"

"Right. Here's the deal. I can establish a connection with the government higher-ups. What you have to do is find a way to get them to be convinced that the Troll Empress can be legally forced to take down the wall. And arrest T.E."

Carl shook his head. "Nope. No token. I know you warned me that the shit I'll have'ta do is about as bad as the things anyway, but wow. Making me into a little lawyer? It's bad enough that I have to do boring chores for random people to earn these tokens, but when I pay the tokens I have to do even more work crap!"

"That's life. Hard work gives results. At least, that's the kind of life I'm trying to fix this world into."

"Well it's not the world I wanna live in."

Hank sighed. "Of course it isn't. Goodbye, Carl. Unless there's another task you want me to help you with, I'm out."

"WAIT!" Shouted Dave, "I COULD TRY IT!"

"Sorry, but you have no tokens. This is a responsibility soley on those who earned tokens. And becides, your task might have been a little different anyway."

And he teleported away in another flash of light.

"Bah!"

So then the rest of the day worked like normal, and John just had to ignore whatever Carl was advancing with Nan and Nan laughed back.

---

(The Third Day Here, which is the Fourth Day Overall in this Chapter?)

Nothing happened and Rip even said that the breaking may take an extra day. MOVING ON.

---

(Day Five (Whole chapter))

Then things got a bit interesting here. This time, Karkat and Vriska looked up by the top of the dome and saw Ichigo climbing up to get the device.

"HEY!" Karkat cried, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"He can't hear you." Vriska said. Then frowned since Karkat was still shouting things like "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" and "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" so Vriska added in, "Apparantly you can't hear me either."

Karkat finally threw a rock by the part of the dome Ichigo was at. It wasn't very high. Ichigo noticed it, then fogged it up and wrote in it. Unlike before with Equius, Ichigo actually wrote backwards so it came out forewards:

hey guys. i heard that someone tapped into hell powers and made that teleport thing. teleporting is okay, it's the using hell part that bugs me. i might have to take in ms lily lalonde in for questioning.

Vriska had to use binoculars (octoculars?) for to see that, but Karkat's vision was ok.

"Shit." Karkat said.

So after a few minutes Ichigo reachd the machine, teleported in and folded his arms. "Ms Lily Lalonde, you need to be taken in for a lawsuit. Namely, using a forbidden kind of hell magic and enchantment without the proper authority."

"Oh. Ohhhhhh shit." She said. "Um, my daughter worked under you, right?" Mom asked about Rose to Ichigo.

"I do not see what that has to do with anything."

"It means you could possibly bail me out!"

Rose shrugged, "If I could, it's through unrelated means. But yes, I will test out my lawyer skills to try to prove her innocent. What happens if we fail?"

"She just has to pay fifty bucks to me. Really, it's not even a criminal record. She'll be safe and good."

Rip snapped her fingers, finally stood up, then walked over to the group. "Guys, guess who figured out this puzzle not late afterall, but almost on time! -Oh? What is this?"

"Before anybody asks," Ichigo continued, "I will not be teleporting anybody out of the dome. This is strictly to the afterlife and back, and only at a courthouse-ish place there. It's kind of policy not to really intervene like this, because the issues of the living world would otherwise hurt more than the issues of the dead world. Which tend to be a lot more important on average. Sorry, guys."

"What about the sword lessons?" Asked Roxy.

"That was in my time off. When I'm on break in another week, I'll bail you out."

"Wait!" Rip shouted, "If Rose is venturing into somewhat foreign land, I would like to join as well."

"Too bad. I know you. You still have a lot to make up for."

Then played rock again and opened up a portal, and took the Lalondes in. Ichigo stuck his head out, looked over at Ross, then Ross shrugged and followed in. The portal vanished.

"Hopefully for you, this should not take too long." Rip said. "For I did not want to bust the dome down unless John, Jade, Rose, Dave, Jane, Jake, Roxy, and Dirk were all present. Because of our current environment, I did not expect this to be derailed, but it looks like I got a curveball. Until now, I should gain more power and rest anyway. You can rest in the treehouse along the way. It is rather grim out here, watching the electronic pulses of the dome echo through what should be clear skies, reminding us all of our current prison."

"Words." Dove said mockingly.

Anyway some time passed and then there was another flash and Ichigo was bouncing up the teleporter. "Okay, you're actually cleared to be innocent anyway." He said, "And that it is legal to use supernatural materials. Of course, that's only because people like vampires and the like are overused it."

Suddenly everyone looked at him with glares.

"HEY!" Kanaya cried, "I used to be a vampire!"

"And I was friends with people who used to be vampires!" Kankri said. "We won't really take kindly to that!"

"Yeah! And I'm a vampire myself! And friends with vampires! And we're all currently vampires! So I win!" Said Carl.

Ichigo sighed. "You wanna lawsuit?"

"Yes! And let me take this with me for evidence!" He yanked the teleporter.

"CARL, WAIT!" Shouted John. "AT THE VERY LEAST- gr... he fucks everything up."

Nan laughed. "But at least he's enteraining while doing it! Say, Ichigo, can I join in?"

"Mmmmm... okay, sure. After all, I am the one being sued, so I really don't feel like I have much authority."

Nan then moved over to Ichigo and rubbed a finger against his chin. "Trust me. After this I may give you all the authority you can handle. And then some!"

He blushed and stared at her but still played the music flawlessly. Then him, Carl, Nan, and the teleporter were all warped back to hell.

---

(Day five inside the dome, six of this chapter)

"My Nan still isn't back?" John asked Aranea after they both woke up.

"Nope. Oh, wait!"

Then they warped back inside the treehouse.

"Hey, um..." Ichigo said, "She spent a lot of time sleeping around with the personel-"

"Not me though." Carl grumbled. John sighed in relief.

"And they were also kind of fined and had to go through some stuff. Eventually I got so exhausted that I went to sleep while forgetting to bring you back here. Well, that's all, goodye."

So then the Crew went over to Rip.

"Before we use the teleporter..." Said Rose, "Rip, just for fun, what were you trying to do anyway?"

"Well, I just wanted to take this oppertunity to talk... deals." Rip grinned at Rose. "But first, only the eight people I mentioned before yesterday can join. Everybody else, shoe."

"IMPOLITE!" Dave cried, "But yeah. Since Rose won't give this a rest, you can teleport out. Let's see what- HOLY SHIT!"

He said that last part because Rip suddenly turned into this large blob of blood, and it rushed over to the eight while also getting blacker and forming a little cube. The eight was all taken in and everyone else was pushed back, even Seras, Carl, and Captain. And the cube was actually a little more rectangular and spread out in a direction closer to the treehouse at the center of the dome, and speaking of the dome the Troll Empress already gulped once then gulped harder when she saw a crack appear in the dome.

"Well... that annoying son of your's that doesn't think we should date is gone!" Carl said, wrapping his arm around Nan. "So... whatd'ya say?"

"Um, I am far more concerned about his well-being."

"LET THEM OUT OF THERE YOU ASS!" Seras cried.

Rip's voice was heard from the cube. "This is technically me. I can assure you that John, Jade, Rose, Dave, Jane, Jake, Roxy, and Dirk will suffer from no physical harm. I cannot, however, garuntee anything about emotional harm, but harm in that flavor will also be minimal. Just some mild trolling on my part."

"HEY! THAT'S RACIST I THINK!" Karkat cried. Yeah, I know, I know, 'that's racist' jokes must be getting old. But dammit there's this plot point in this spinoff that I'm thinking of - that's too much I'm giving too much away.

"Please wait for a little bit. In the meantime, you are still free to use that teleporter to leave."

"Okay then," Said Carl, "Well, you can all stay there in concern-"

"I'M NOT." Said Captain. "I AM STAYING BEHIND BECAUSE I LIKE BEING WITH RIP. SHE'S SORT OF MY ONLY FRIEND SINCE YOU AND SERAS ARE BOTH MEAN TO ME ALL THE TIME. HYPERBOLA FROWN. ):("

"-Well I'm leaving! Since Ms. Egbert's takin' everything too slow. Sheesh!"

---

(?)

John did that thing where he woke up from bed by his upper half jumping out from the bed and scared. He was wearing the regular Homestuck clothes which is also what he wore at the start of the fan fic. Thi is because it seems like a common thing where characters after some changes end up looking like themselves from the beginning for one reason or another.

"What happened? Was that all just a dream? And if so, how much?" He asked himself.

He looked around. Everything seemed normal. He last had a Pesterchum window open of him celebrating his victory of the Planet of Warcraft.

"Wow that feels like a distant memory. So I guess everything about Doc Scratch attacking us was part of a dream? Or does this have something to do with this 'Rip?'" He shrugged. "Well, I should look around for answers."

---

Jade got up in a strange-looking bedroom, also in normal clothes. "Huh. This is weird. I have no idea where I am, but it looks nice."

Indeed it did. The walls were colorful and the room had a lot of cool gadgets and there was a window and out of it Jade could see an island. A vast landscape.

"Wait... based on the geography... is this the past of Alternia? Did Rip send me back in time? Where is everybody, I thought John and some other people would be going with me!"

She gave a "Hrm" as she went down the fancy spiral staircase.

---

Rose just appeared in an empty black room with a sign that had "BRB" written on it. She frowned but was actually in her Rainbow Crew outfit.

---

"This is the story of a man named Dave."

Dave woke up hearing those words and was a little odded out by it. It was a kind of familiar voice. Rip? Then again, he was in his apartment in normal clothes and looked around.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Dave had no idea where he was in thanks to the very powerful dream he experienced prior. It felt like he spent over a week in there, but as time passed those memories began to fade. Quite quickly, I might add."

He grudgingly nodded then made his way to the kitchen. But then thought about it, and tried to make his way outside.

Suddenly, there wasn't an actual exit, but instead a hall that led to two doors! He heard a chuckle in Rip's voice as the door behind him closed. This hallway stuff was weirder because he remember seeing out the window and that stuff wasn't there.

"When Dave came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his right."

Dave put his hand on his chin.

"This was a very puzzling development to Dave," the Rip-sounding voiceover continued, "Because he could swear that he saw windows and other outside views which promised him a genuine escape from this confusion and not more locked rooms. Then something came to him: Should he check again? Perhaps I lied for a minute. No, instead of picking the door on the right, Dave looked back and checked the window, considering leaving through that."

The door behind him opened. Dave freaked out a little and ran through it, then to the window, only finding it was just like a still image with a window-like border around it.

"Oooh... but the window was only a fake! There is no longer a real way to the outside! Or there never was, and this was only the discovery therof! Was he truly trapped in this illusion, one that is as confined as this appears to be? Or will that distant hall hold the answers? After realizing that he had no other choice, Dave went back and continued what he was originally going to do: Entering the door on the left."

"STOP BRAINFUCKING ME!" Dave cried.

---

Jane seemingly woke up back in the grass area around the treehouse, the dome was still there except there wasn't anybody else and the setting was all in grayscale.

"Hello?" She asked. All she got was creepy laughter. In Rip's voice, of course.

---

"Mmmmm..." Jake felt a very comfortable bed. And rolled around in it. And then heard a giggle. Not in Rip's voice, this one sounded less sinister and more... sexy. Then again Rip was already sexy to begin with so MORE more sexy.

He turned to the source and opened his eyes. It was a woman, with her lower half under the covers but upper half had on a very thin white t-shirt, and she had this deep red skin, a pair of triangular horns, and a tail sticking from under the covers with a triangular tip. At least he hoped that was a tail. Also some regular kinda bat-like wings.

"Right," She said, "You still had that amnesia from that special drink you had. How powerful was it. Do you remember me?"

"Did we... sleep together?" Jake asked. He looked underneath in his own spot on the bed. Fully dressed in his pre-RC outfit. He frowned. "Urgh I kinda hope not. Losing my virginity while fully dressed would be so lame."

"No, we're just roommates. I'm Red, we kind of all have these weird color names. You have 360 of us! You sort of met us after moving away from that weird mom of yours and we moved in here... none of this jogging a memory?"

"Honestly no."

"Yeah, that stuff's powerful. I shoulda thought." She flipped the covers off, revealing a very thin black thong. When she turned around, Jake couldn't even see the straps so she looked bottomless from behind.

"Uh... we are just roommates, right?"

"What's wrong? In cartoons thecharacters like Homer Simpson and Spongebob can show their butts. Men are allowed to in US cartoons. So why not women?" She spanked it once. "See look? Girl's butts can be funny too."

"ok" He said. He was still shaking. 'Red' yawned and looked at her shirt.

"Urgh, this is covered in sweat."

And took it off and we saw from behind that there was nothing under the shirt and she was barring herself. Jake shivered.

"What's wrong? Guys are allowed to walk shirtless, like in beaches and stuff. And that's not even getting into the cartoons again. Damn United States. Heck, I don't even like bras. Period. Neither do your other roommates, in case you forgot."

Jake looked like he was about to run over to the phone. This is a large bed.

"If I'm shoking you and coming off as too sudden, remember, the rest of us all go out like this too."

---

Roxy awoke in a cave. A dark, reddish cave. With a pit of lava deep below.

SUDDENLY A DRAGON POPPED OUT!

"I AM INVINCIBLE!" yelled the dragon. "RUN! INTO THE ABYSS!"

"Okay, this is clearly a test." Roxy said. "If I jump into that 'lava,' I'll probably be safe since this might just be illusion-goo made by Rip. Maybe if I fight you it'll be easier? Hrm..."

Yeah and BTW she was also in a normal outfit. She looked around and saw a rock, then threw it at the dragon. Suddenly, the dragon collapsed into the lava, and Rip appeared above the pit.

"Good job." She sneered. "Would you like to make a deal with me, or see your friend Rose?"

Roxy laughed. "Rose, I'll watch what deal she makes before getting any ideas."

Rip snapped her fingers, and then the roomed (and her outfit, revealing the RC costume underneath) turned into similar black goop from before. Except Roxy was still awake, this time getting pushed around like it was a thick river. Then got popped out of a solid black wall, and looked around to see Rose.

"Perfect." Rose said sarcastically.

---

Finally, there's Dirk. His room was a large area that looked like one of the rooms from the Fire Temple in Ocarina of Time. Except he was on a pillar, and there was a row of several pillars leading to a goal door. Oh and he was in his pre-RC outfit too.

---

John finally found Nan in the kitchen, cooking.

"Oh!" She said, "My new date should be here any minute."

"New date?" He asked, "Well, I had this dream where, after a lot of things, you eventually dated this asshole called Car- woah woah woah, WHAT?"

It was Carl! And he went up to Nan and kissed her!

"Yep! Say hello to your sorta stepfather! What was your actual father like, anyway? Eh, doesn't matter! I'm like your new dad now! So you can call me dad!" Then he turned to Nan, "You can too..." and she giggled in response.

"Wait a minute!" John cried, "This must not be real! Er... Maybe Nan would never date Carl, but even if she did, she was calling the other guardians son or daughter, not dad or mom! Yeah! That's the wrong kink!"

He then heard a sigh in Rip's voice, and everything collapsed into black liquid stuff and then it shot him out of the floor. Including his clothes, revealing his usual RC outfit underneath. Rose and Roxy were there too.

Rip's voice continued. "I find it very disturbing that this of all information is what made you realize you are in an illusion. You might need therapy."

"We may or may not have a deal," Rose said, looking VERY annoyed, "Where the fuck are you?"

"Paying Janey a little visit." She said, before laughing a little. The laugh faded so John and Rose took it as her moving farther away from them, even though they were technically INSIDE of her. Ew.

"HEY!" Roxy cried, "I'm the only one who calls her Janey! Also John, you're the only guy-"

John turned female-body. "Shut up." He said with a wink.

---

Suddenly Rip appeared in the monochrome area Jane was in! Or, actually not monochrome. Did I use grayscale before? I meant to.

"Jane, if there is one thing I must establish about myself this instant, it is that I am not the figure you should be challenging."

"Really?" She asked with a confident smirk.

But then the smirk faded when Rip started getting weird. She started laughing and spiders crawled out of her eyes, then she ripped her skin in half and spiders crawled out from the skin and back into the eyes. Jane was a little freaked out since... well, you read that, didn't you? Freaky.

"Ew." Jane said.

"Yes... I am not a foe that you, in particular, would want to go near. Anyway it was nice passing the Bechdel Test again, this time with you, time to go and do something like this to Jade! And freaking you out was all I planned on doing. You don't really have a trial."

Then she melted into the floor, and again, everything collapsed and then shot her from the ceiling. Jane looked at the apron, patted it, and said, "Damn, Rip is good at packing this loose and frilly thing in such normal civilian clothing." Then saw fem-John and went "Well. I forgot what a pleasant surprise those were."

John blushed but did not change back (since his outfit didn't change he was technically topless), and Dirk went through another wall. Um, okay, the one Roxy came from was North, let's say then. Dirk came from the East wall.

"When I went into the door at the end of my platform jumping course, I touched it, and everything went black and ejected me here."

"You had to platform?" Asked Roxy. "I had to fight a dragon. I just assumed that's what we all had to do."

"I was just freaked out by Rip." Jane said, "She said she was going to do something like this with Jade next."

Rose got a grim look when John almost-finished. "And I was given the illusion of being in my house. Then I saw my mom getting close with Carl... I freaked out a little, then realized this was just an illusion, and got spat here."

"I was here to begin with." Rose said, then whipped out a giant digging drill. "Now, I came prepared with this thing that fell off a Spartan mecha. I uh... yeah, had it the entire time and just happened to never mention it. There is no way I will let some jackass keep terrorizing my team!"

So she drilled a bit in the floor and the solid turned towards liquid. She picked randomly, south or west, and went with south as maybe that's where Jade is.

---

But that was wrong. It turns out Jade was actually above where Jane's illusion-section was. Though since Jane was gone, Rip could now mold more of the staircase to keep up the illusion as Jade saw all of these cool things.

"Man this is great!" She cheered, "But... lonely."

Then she heard Rip's laughter. And looked down the staircase. There was a point where it cutoff into boiling black liquid. Which was slowly rising.

Jade rushed back up and made it to the window and Rip appeared in shadow.

"Well? Are you going to end the test and jump into me?"

"This is just a dream or something... are you in my head?" Jade asked.

"If anything, it's the other way around."

Jade gave an angry glare. "Well, if you're such a good guy now, I know that if I jump out of here, you wouldn't let me die! How is this for your 'test?' Do I win?"

"Well, that island is probably the largest and freest map I have around, if I expand it a little..."

Jade angled her head around and saw that the rest of the island wasn't far away, it was just small. So she jumped out no problem, then went over and suddenly it expanded to a more proper island size. Rip peeked her head from the window, still shadowy.

"Well, this is probably the freest of the maps I made. No false windows or taunting domes. Though I did have fake-entrances to all of those rooms. I am amazed you never entered them."

Jade smiled as she looked out the grass and on to the ocean. "Very detailed beach!"

"Yes, but! The water is, in a way, your boundry. You are stuck on this island until I see that you cannot proceed in the test anymore, and whatever deal Rose would make for me is off. It's not like it will matter anyway since you finally have that teleporter, will it?"

"Hey, what happens if I just jump into the ocean?"

"No no, wait!" But Jade did so. And then looked underwater to see that there was only this flat, black surface under it. Then these tendril things popped out, dragged her in, and like the other rooms it all melted and collapsed into black as Jade fell and got ejected into the ceiling right by that all-black room with the sign.

"BRB?" Jade read. She also noticed John (still female), Dirk, Roxy, and Jane were there.

"Rose was here but she left looking for you." Dirk said.

---

"Okay..." Said Dave, "So, the original plan was right! But, the next plan was left... putting everything together, going to the left would mean I am obeying what you wanted to at the latest now, so you would not expect if I went to the right! But going to the left would mean that I am not following your base-tradition and picking the curve-ball you threw at me, so it would break this illusion and pass the test if I went left! But, then again, the left is at first the way you said I did not go, so even if we remove when you did say go to the left, I would be following into a 'rebel,' which might be predicable for me because of my rap themes. So I would be throwing you off by going to the right! Then again, now the right is the taboo path. So... hrm..."

He put his hand to his chin and kept thinking. "Well my fake-room before hand was to the left direction of this, so right is where the more unfamiliar path lies in a way, so- aw fuck it. Eene meene miney mo... catch a tiger by the toe- WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK? The tiger part gave me the same result! Aw, screw it, I'm picking the eene meene part. To the right it is!"

And he began running there just to see Rose drilling, halfway submerged in the ceiling,then dropped over by his side.

"I am real but all of this is just... well, Rip molded herself into some kind of series of 'tests' for all of us. I have no idea how they work. Anyway, did you see any sign of Jade? An actual Jade, and not an illusion one?"

"Nope. Anyway, I gotta go to the right."

Rose grumbled, then kept going trailing behind Dave anyway. At the end was an empty room but the walls, floor, and ceiling kinda looked like a weighting room. Dave looked back and saw the hallway led to that point.

"So it didn't even matter?" He asked. "Or did it?"

But he too was sucked in, and came out from the south opening.

"Oh hey guys!" Dave cheered, "Rose has something important to tell you-"

"They all figured it out. Now, the only direction none of you came from was- wait, Jade, where did you come from?"

"Up!" She cried, "But apparantly Jane's room was below mine."

"So west may be our best bet." Rose finished, "Come on! Stick behind me, maybe this chain-drilling idea will work!"

---

"Aaaaand since you still need some memory jogging," Said Red, "This is our excercice room - I never really go there."

Jake saw a lot more of the roommates doing yoga. And pretty much everyone he came across was wearing what Red is.

"This is the arcade."

Yep, a few more playing arcade games. Oh cool they have Darkstalkers. He can see Felicie's boobs! Yes there were boobs already but Felicia is on a new tier list. No, not tier, tier list.

"The kitchen, the living room over there, the hot tub and swimming pool room - if you want an outdoor pool, it leads outside, but that room is currently under construction and you don't really have the legal clearance to get in. Hm... what else is there? There's a lot of rooms but I think we should just stay right here. Jog your memory."

"Yes. A mammary rejog would- I MEAN MEMORY! Damn, why am I having trouble with you? In my dream... false memories, I was doing so well with naked women AND men! And I just have one sex to lust over here!"

Red shrugged. "Probably because we seem a little unfamiliar to you right now. You'll get used to it-"

She was about to sit down but then her thong was snagged on the branch of a potted plant that was seated by a table. The band ripped off, but Red quickly put her hand down it, and then slipped the clothes off and held it up with the free hand that wasn't currently covering her.

"Hello?" She called loudly. "Hey, I broke my outfit again. Can someone quickly stitch up a new one? Especially since all of my others are still in the wash."

"Why are you covering yourself? I thought you hated clothes and were just fine with exposing everything."

"Oh, I do hate clothes. Especially bras. But," then a blue demon (named Blue according to Red) walked by and took it, and she sat down for real. Except she lied back a little against the arm-end of the couch and then spread her legs, one going down to the floor and the other going over the heads of the couch, with her hand still covering her. "I know you get really teased when I do this. Just give myself a tiny bit left that you can't see. Just enough that you try to tell yourself it shouldn't matter, but it does."

He began breathing heavily a bit.

"Also," said Blue, "I almost forgot. Here's the soccer ball I borrowed. Sorry, I got caught up in Darkstalkers and forgot I even had it."

Red grabbed it and used that to cover her instead. "So, your memory. I want to know a little more about this 'Rainbow Crew' of your's. What are they like?"

Someone that Red said was named Green walked up, asked for the ball, she said yes and went back to using her hand. "Oh, um..." Jake gulped. "They were a fun little bunch..."

"You said you wanted to look at this trophy?" Asked another demon, this one supposedly being named Yellow. Red grabbed this and also covered herself with it.

"Do you think any of them exist in real life? List off some names. Probably of those trolls you told me about. I think I might know a certain troll or two, but you just walked by them without knowing about them."

One that she said was named Cyan went by and said "I believe it is more urgent that I analyze the material with which this so-called golden reward is made out of. If you may, let me investigate it." And she also nodded, then went back to using her hand again.

"Karkat Vantas."

"Hm. Nothing."

"Feferi Peixes."

"Nothing still."

"Nepeta Leijon."

Her eyes widened as a roommate that was named Magenta came up, tossed her a plush cat, and just said, "Here. Burn this. It's evil. I'd do it myself but... you gotta take some of the missions. Plus I really like all the fucking you're doing to Jake's head. His memories still aren't back?"

"Nope." She said to Magenta, once again putting the cat in the way. It was so adorable looking too.

"No, seriously, you should burn that ASAP."

Red sighed, then instead of using her hand, she curled her tail. Not even the triangular-end thing of it was covering her, just the thinner, narrower strand part. So much that if this was drawn I might still have to use a censor bar. This made Jake drool a little, even.

"Right. Nepeta... that's a familiar name. I think I might have heard it on TV?"

"Say, can we move this setting outside?" And yes, Rose and co. have entered by now. But it was a large illusion (not as big as Jade's to keep Rip's words true) so they went into other rooms and stuff and were unnoticed by Jake. "That might help. Maybe we can ask bystanders?"

Jake got up from the couch, then Blue tossed Red a new thong which she put on while still keeping her crotch covered. Then Blue said "Hey Jake, I think there's a team of people who need lotion on their backs. Do you want to help?"

"Well, maybe, but I have this sneaking suspicion that something's outside..."

Green went up next. "Jake. One of the fountains broke. Do you think you can help fix it?"

He got a suspicious look. "You weren't bothering me all that much until now. This, and the waking up in a strange place... I think that my adventures with the Rainbow Crew were real, and these are the false memories! I'm sorry, but I have to test something. I'm leaving."

Then Red ran up to the door and blocked it. "Wait!" She cried. "Do you want to know the harsh truth of everything, or do you wanna keep telling me about this Nepeta and see if that can jog my memories on her? You might even see me and some others take off these annoying thooooongs~..."

"...The truth."

Suddenly, Red began laughing and threw her head back. When she faced Jake again, her eyes quickly became a solid light azure-ish color and she grew a very scary looking grin of sharp teeth. "As Nepeta would tell you, WRONG ANSWER!"

The doors opened and that same black liquid stuff started flooding in. The others, meanwhile, finally saw Jake and watched as the fake normal clothes melted into the same black and revealed his movie poster towel underneath, then Rose said, "Jake, what the-" but not fuck (callback to chapter 12) as the liquid got everyone. Then moved them all to the central room, where all eight of them fell on their faces. The "BRB" sign was gone yet replacing it is Rip herself, floating and with that same light azure color around her as an aura of sorts.

"So I am inclined to believe that you are finished toying with us, correct?" Rose said spitefully.

"That is one way of putting it. Now, do you want a deal or not? All of your friends have passed in some way, so now my thoughts on you eight as a whole have gone even higher than they were before. And yes Jake, do not take my 'Wrong answer' seriously. That was only to scare you. ...Or was it?"

"A condition wherein if I am victorious, I will use you for several services. Like eliminating the need of a teleportation system in order to get in and out of the boundries of the treehouse. In other words, the annaihalation of the dome. But this is only the tip of the iceberg."

"Condition? As in a game? Well, if you are giving me vague order-tasks, I just want to be sure that you have the mental skills to deserve ownership of such a powerful monster as myself. And there is only one game where I will accept giving myself away for based on its results."

The black stuff started re-grouping and formed a chess board. One side had red pieces, the side closer to Rose. The one nearer to Rip, that same damn light blue-greenish color.

"Chess?" Rose asked.

"If I am to be defeated, then I am freely yours. However, if I claim a check mate on the red pieces, then you must serve yourself to do a few needs of my own. To be as vague as you, I will only give one detail: I just need a certain glass to begin this with."

"Hm. Red isn't really my color..." Rose said.

"Beggars can't be choosers! Remember that I am the one who controlled this board and altered my blood to its existance, as well as the one who changed my blood into this black room. Which is more soothing than standing or sitting in a large cube of blood, you have to admit. Less disgusting too. Trust me, if I did not like you, this room would look far more graphic. So going back to your original point, red is not my color either, and that is why I associated that with my opposing side. So, if you may, please pick the red side. And know that I move first."

"Wait." Rose said, "If this is still part of your internal vampire abilities, how am I supposed to know that you will not alter the pieces when my attention is diverted from the majority of those that will be pivotal in determining the outcome of the game in subtle ways that I cannot calculate for?"

"What kind of a dealer would I be if I downright lied to you in any step involving the deal itself? That is bad for business. My honesty should bring in more customers, so that they will feel more confident in trusting me. In fact, let me give you a little tip about my playstyle: I am horrible with bishops, so try putting those at a low priority."

"Hrm. I don't know what to say about that."

"WAIT MAYBE SHE IS LYING IN A WAY!" Dave cried, "SHE TRIED SOMETHING LIKE THIS WITH ME AND THE RROOMS I TOLD YOU ABOUT! I MEAN, THE HALLWAYS! D-DOORS, THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE!"

Rose shrugged. "I will take this deal anyway."

"Right." Rip said. "Two things to note: Consider these pale azure pieces the white side, which means again that I make the first move. You have the red ones. The second thing to note is that before the game officially begins, I want to make a little symbolic pact. Just a bare-handshake, that's all."

She took off a glove, stook it foreward, and in short time it glew on light azure-'fire.' "It will not burn you." Rip continued. Rose shook it anyway, the 'fire' went out, she put the glove back on, and the game began.

Some time passed and Rip did actually sit down but eventually Rose was fucked.

"Oh no... I might lose soon..."

"All because you targeted the bishops fiiiiiiiirst!" Rip sang. "You should have known by now. I am smarter than I look, and more mature than I initially act."

Rose's hand trembled over her king, about to move it foreward and basically give up. "That first part is true..." She still didn't touch it, but did move her eyes back off the board to glare at Rip. "But the second-"

"Wait!" Jane cried, then stepping in. "You do have a move! If you bring your queen here, that's checkmate!"

Jane grabbed said queen and moved it there. Rose facepalmed.

"Of course! That pawn back there guarded that square! How could I not see that?"

Rip moved her hands back and seemed surprise. "Wait. But you're-"

"You never said that the opposing player has to be Rose! You just talked about yourself, typical for someone of your ego." Jane smirked. "Game over, Rip."

"No... I..." Rip groaned. "Fine. You win."

Then the room around her started spinning around, the black got absorbred into her and then she herself shape-shifted into an iron (well, iron-looking, it's still weird vampire blood powers) drill and eventually the whole room was gone and the eight were dumped back off into the same location. Still under the dome though.

"Oh thank God you are safe!" Nan cried, "None of us left-"

"SOME OF US REALLY WANTED TO THOUGH!" Karkat cried.

"-So we stayed around and... did you know it's the beginning of a new day?"

Rip's voice was heard from the drill. "Yeah. I might have sedated them a little too long. Got a little carried away trying to make their initial rooms as perfect as possible! And Rose was kept asleep too to avoid having her wait such more of an agonizing time."

Carl walked up. "Hey babbycakes, finally! You're out and not moping over that stupid little son of your's that doesn't approve of our relationship!"

"...We're not in a relationship, and honestly this isn't the time-"

"Well, tell that to these hands of mine! Heh heh!"

And Carl groped Nan's boobs! He said a little "Ew" because of the whipped cream, but he still got a feel. Suddenly, Nan completely stopped and got silent, and then looked at the ground. I know this isn't an anime, but I like that effect of the top part of their face becoming dark and having lines so this is the visual effect I would put here if this were drawn or otherwise animated. She looked intimidating, even if she was still basically naked like always.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME YOU PERVERT!" She cried, grabbing him, slamming him to the floor, and then slamming her mallet down on his head. Meanwhile, Drill-Rip was drilling the dome. "NOT OKAY WITHOUT MY CONCENT! REPEAT: NOT OKAY WITHOUT MY CONCENT! Just for the record it wouldn't be okay if I did something to you without your concent either but THAT IS NOT WHAT JUST HAPPENED SO I AM KICKING YOUR ASS! GO TO HELL! MY VAGINA IS OFF LIMITS TO YOU!"

"What about your a-"

"THAT TOO!"

"And your mou-"

"THAT THREE!"

"What about the fourth hole?"

"THAT WAS JUST A FAMILY GUY JOKE AND THEY STILL DISPROVED IT ON MYTHBUSTERS! CARL, YOU MAY NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THIS WOMAN!" She pointed at herself.

John looked at the whole scene and smiled. Nan smiled at him.

"See? If he was truly a disgusting man, I could easily repell him. I don't need your nose in my business! And as it turns out, I do not need his nose in mine."

"Hey," Said Vriska, "Because this is obviously going to lead to a lot of debate, what about that time when we were playing Strip Truth or Dare and you spun the bottle by John and everything."

"Contact was not involved. And John actually says he's fine with my weird-ass advances."

"BASED ON THE WAY HE NOW HATES MY RELATIONSHIP WITH OLD KARKAT NOW THAT WE'RE 'SUPPOSED TO BE COUSINS' I FIND THAT HARD AND ANNOYING TO BELIEVE. :[" Terezi said, and to those reading this on ffn that's supposed to be an angry emote. With eyebrows. Or horns?

Carl got up, and despite the vampire super-abilities for some reason he was still very bloody by his head. But able to heal it off. "Fine, fine," He said, "I'll just spend the last few hours of my vacation elsewhere. Jeez, that was the worst."

He tried to walk over by Rip, who was clearly making cracks in the dome (and the Empress was getting worried), but then had Pa, Mom, Bro, Pop, Ma, Sis, and Dad doing that same half-face shadow thing Nan was earlier.

"Lemme let you in on a secret ol' chap." Said Pa, "We guardians always stand up for and stick up for eachother. Just because Beth's finished dealing her pain doesn't mean we are."

"Wait... wait... WAAAAAIT!" Cried Carl, but then they all jumped on him and started beating him up.

"So does this mean I'm kind of right and I realized it before you did?" John asked.

Nan sighed. "No, it just means that we have different standards and Carl just happened to be at a point where they overlapped. I mean, un-overlapped. He was out of those standards. Anyway," she looked at her outfit. "My cream-bra is pretty much ruined. Well, I liked toplessness anyway. I'll do that for the rest of the day!"

Then the dome cracked more and finally broke down, but the bits quickly vanished out in static.

"HOO BOY!" the Troll Empress cried. "Oh no, oh no, oh no! Not Rip!"

"Relax," Rip laughed, "If I wanted to kill you, I would have found a way out far sooner. If a way out where I would be by myself. But, time to hold up my end of the deal. Rose, I will do what you command for a given time. What further tasks do you want me to do?"

Rose began running after the Empress. "We'll talk after I catch her."

Unfortunately, T.E. ran into a helicopter! Er, a trollcopter, since the Millennium had Nazicopters. And that copter was fast as hell.

"Rainbow Crew!" Dirk cried, "Do not let her get away! There are still crimes she needs to pay for!"

Then a turbo jet flew in. Nepeta was piloting it! "Way ahead of you!" She cried, "Get in! This fits everybody!"

So the Crew - both generations, the leprechauns, and even Hecksing (except Rip who flew away and yes, Carl broke free from his beating while the guardians chased after him) piled in. And split into the three compartments for room - well, the first generation went into one compartment, the leprechauns into another, and Hecksing into a third (after Handmaid had to talk the guardians into letting Carl go) and took off into the air.

Ahead, the Troll Empress was watching and got worried. "Well. That's fast. But I have something above speed! Surprise!"

She pushed a button and then this claw-like thing came out and lashed at the jet twice really quick. "It's an attack!" John cried, "Nepeta, does this have cannons?"

She got annoyed. "They were, but what she attacked were the only cannons."

Ahead, the Troll Empress yelled "Ooh... using my heat-seekers, it seems like you've split up. WELL! TAKING YOU DOWN SHOULD BE EAAAASY ASSSSS... GOODBYE, EX-FELT!"

She lashed again, and this took down the part on the right, where the leprechauns were at! Then another with a "AND YOUR PARENTS! STOP TAKING THEM WITH YOU EVERYWHERE!" And attacked the left one, which had the first gens. The leps hid in Biscuit's oven and the first generation characters used Disciple's claws out the window and slowed their fall with them via grinding on the wall.

Panicing, Carl drew another propane tank in grass and cried "DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN STAMPEDE! GO YOU DALLAS COWBOYS GO!" And it formed Hank again.

"I COULD DIE HERE!" Carl cried. "PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING! LET ME USE A TOKEN AND SAVE MYSELF HERE!"

Hank nodded. "Wait. I've been watching this. Why don't you just grow vampire wings? And that werewolf of your's can fly."

"It doesn't matter! She has all kinds of areal weapons that can and will blast me from the sky! That's horrible! Please, I'll do anything!"

"Alright. Gimme a token. Now, when ya' reach the ground, you will be knocked out and have a little dream obstacle course of mine. Not one that challenges physical skill, one that practices you in the art of selling propane. Once you get that first virtual-sale, you can wake up and will be taken out of stasis. Normally I'd teleport you straight up to a course, but honestly... you're kinda repulsive. The longer you're away from society, the better. And if you fail this challenge... you could be asleep... FOREVER! But if someone uses some other kinda magic to revive you, or kill you, then you'll lose all the other tokens you have and you'll have to earn 'em all over again to make deals with me."

"SOUNDS LIKE A DEAL! LET'S DO THIS!"

Hank put on a leaf-glove, then after some time a red flame got on his hand. Nepeta and most of the remaining Crew members watched this on the monitor as their jet caught up to the trollcopter. They shook hands, and a jet-pack appeared on Carl's back. Armed with guns.

Suddenly, another Hank teleported over there!

"Wait a minute, future me! Time travel's gonna happen... I know of this."

"Huh." The first Hank said. "So you must be the one that was just reincarnated, huh?"

"Yep. Formed eight days ago. Reincarnated from that jackass let's not name."

"Agreed. The more Homer is forgotten about, the better."

"You're naming him..."

"Anyway, I forgot. How is it that you know any of this?"

"I cannot see into the future, but because there is a stable time loop involved, I could look into the past and simply read your memories. I was going to become the me whose memories I read in less than an hour. Now, you take care of your bet with this nuthead and I'll see to it that the Rainbow Crew makes it out just fine."

Speaking of which, the RC was now up against and grinding with the Trollcopter! Then with some gunfire on the part of the Troll Empress, the jet was disabled. Well, it's firing-thruster things. And the copter tilted itself so that the jet was flung into the air.

"Hang on!" Nepeta cried, "I can still steer this thing! I'm gonna try to ram them!"

Then that other Hank teleported in.

"Hello there." He said, "I'm not that same Hank you saw making deals with that guy over there. I'm not even sure about said guy's name. Well, I will become that Hank, that's me after we're sent back in time."

"WE GET SENT BACK IN TIME?" Asked John.

"Yep."

Dave reached around and pulled out the Time Bomb. "...Nepeta, why did you put this in here?"

She giggled, "Oh, that... I wanted to send the Troll Empress to when the dinosaurs were wiped out. And maybe try to see the creation of the Earth and analyse it for making another planet in the future- I mean, nothing! Anyway, ramming,"

So she rammed the copter and they all crashed in the lake! Thankfully the shit and vomit from before was all cleaned up by the lake-janitors. And a bit of forced community service from them.

So then the trollcopter blew up, and all Troll Empress's allies with it were blown up and died. Dave was sad about this since they might not have done anything to deserve it, but Hank said "They serve her completely willingly because they are also crazy assholes like her." And Dave was ok.

Nepeta flipped a few switches as the Troll Empress cried, "I CAN TANK IT! YOU KNOW WE TROLLS GET STRONGER AND STRONGER THE HIGHER UP THE HEMOSPECTRUM WE GO!" And the jet turned into a fast sub that went after her. Meenah laughed.

"Hey Neps, let me drive this. I wanna finish this asshole off." She asked.

"One condition. Don't call me 'Neps' or whatever you do to her, I'll do to you."

"Deal."

Troll Empress got her taser back out and shouted, "NOW TO ELECTROCUTE YOU UP AND-"

The jet/sub suddenly got this big sword thing from the front, at the press of a button. There was now like a huge knife sticking from it.

"A knife?" Asked the Troll Empress, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry... SO I'LL DO BOTH!"

It rammed into her and cut her in half, and half of her was grinning while the other half had a huge frown. And both of them slid down as twelve blood colors came from her, but once again mixed together into black. Above, one of the janitors was looking out into the lake by the shore and said "SHIT! WE FINALLY GOT THAT CLEANED FROM THE SHIT AND VOMIT!" And one half of the Troll Empress (the smiling half) still held the taser, which had its electricity zap the side of the sub and then elecricity went all around the metal.

"Uh oh." Said Jake. "This looks PRETTY BAD!"

"Based on my knowledge, we should be safe." Sollux lifted and lowered his shades for good measure. Did I meantion that he keeps his shades on? "As long as there are no major objects with large energy sources, I mean exceptionally large like quantum computers or something."

"What about a time bomb?" Asked Dave.

"Oh. Oh fuck."

The electricity went to the time bomb! And like Futurama, there was a lot of red overlay coloring coming from it and slowly going over the inside of the ship thing!

"Okay... only one energy sourse... we should still be fine." Said Sollux. "As long as it stabalizes itself."

But Jane, who was using a mini-microwave to make a quick minicake, noticed that the electricity from the taser also got on the microwave and was making a blue that spread around! The two colors began nearing eachother and then... a large storm of red and blue sparks got on everything! Everyone in the Crew (well, the second generation) paniced, but Hank remained calm. "Stay still, everyone." He said. "I can promise nobody will be harmed. And let this wash over you. In one minute, you will see."

Meanwhile, above, the Troll Empress had got the two halfs to merge up together! She was crawling back to shore, and laughed as she emerged... just to get her head blown open by Jaws.

Jaws laughed and dove in. "NOW we're back in MY territory mates! Hm... what's that glowing thing?" And he noticed the sub and swam after it.

Jaws laughed as he touched the submarine, but suddenly there was a big flash of purple (or magenta? I'm not sure which RYB or RGB to use) and it and Jaws were both gone.

To be continued?

---

Closing AN:

I loved this bare-bones idea of the Rainbow Crew meeting post-chapter 12 Hecksing (and in hindsight it pretty much has to be post-chapter 12, there's no real point in between any other chapter where they had enough time to reasonably join any of the Crew's adventures, much less one that lasts a week long), but I had no idea where to go with it. In case this ends up looking a bit erratic.

That's... pretty much all I have to say about this chapter. Other than that it's kind of the only real "two parter" of this season. Both of them have some special gimmick (what's the special gimmick of the following chpater? You'll see... unless it's been three or more days since getting this one out), and this one's the only real one to end on a cliffhanger outside of the season finale. But then again most of these chapters in the story in general usually take place one-after-another, and chapters 9 and 10 are good examples so... I don't know.

HANDLES:

GCAT People (Originals): GG is Jade, GC is Terezi, GA is Kanaya, GT is John. CG is Karkat, CC is Feferi, CA is Eridan, CT is Equius. AG is Vriska, AC is Nepeta, AA is Aradia, AT is Tavros. TG is Dave, TC is Gamzee, TA is Sollux, and TT is Rose. So, the usual.

EDIB People (Act 6-Newcomers): EE is Jake, ED is Latula, EI is Porrim, EB is Jane. DE is Kankri, DD is Meenah, DI is Cronus, DB is Horuss. IE is Aranea, ID is Meulin, II is Damara, IB is Rufioh. BE is Dirk, BD is Kurloz, BI is Mituna, and BB is Roxy.