No one knew how it felt. No one could tell him they understood his pain. They all put their hand on his shoulder, telling him that it was all going to be okay, that they knew how he felt, that time would heal his wounds. It was all lies. Just words with no weight, things to say to make people feel better, like they'd done something. They'd tried to connect, tried to make him realize that pain is a part of life, or some bullshit like that.

They would never feel the heat of the flames as they stood in front of their childhood home, knowing the body of their mother was inside the fiery blaze, helpless. They didn't lose the warm embrace of Mother—a woman who always made him feel wanted and loved. They would never hear the screams of the townsfolk: his neighbors, his friends, acquaintances. The noise of the collective scream of Nibelheim will always be imprinted in his head.

They would never have to see their idol turn into a madman. Something took over Sephiroth that day at Nibelheim, and he will never understand why. He remembers so painfully clearly what the General used to be. He remembers his graceful movements the few times he managed to see him spar against the First-Class Soldiers, seeming so cat-like and devastatingly beautiful. He remembers the way his voice could be heard from rooms away when he was upset, his tone still smooth and flawless while booming terrifyingly. He remembers Sephiroth's smile, a gentle, small upturn of his lips. He can still hear his soft laughter at Zack's antics, showing the unexpected side of himself. The Sephiroth at Nibelheim was merely a shadow of Sephiroth, and a heartbreaking sight to behold to anyone who had ever seen the real him.

They didn't have to see that fallen angel kill the most pure woman who ever walked the planet. They didn't have to see that last pure smile form on her lips before the Masamune pierced through her. None of them had to feel her blood spill onto their hands, see her take her last breath, and feel her spirit slowly fade away. They didn't have to face the guilt, the knowledge that he could have saved Aeris.

They didn't have to face the one who killed her, look him in the eye and see no remorse on his face, to see that his mind was so warped that he didn't see the evil in what he was doing. They didn't have to look at this manifestation, see the righteous man he used to be, and know that they were the one destined to kill him. They didn't have to deal the deathblow. They didn't have the feeling of sheer joy at killing the monster and the following sorrow at remembering what he once was, sorrow for destroying what he once represented.

They didn't even know of his last painful memory, and only one of them could come close to understanding the pain it gave him. They didn't have to helplessly see Zack die. They didn't have to see the one they loved killed, have him stolen away. He couldn't save him the way Zack had saved him, and it broke him up inside. He couldn't protect him when he needed him the most. Now he understood what his gunman friend meant about feeling like he'd committed a sin.

He has memories of what happened after they escaped, but they are hazy with the effects of the mako-poisoning. He remembers Zack carrying him, whispering him words of comfort, cradling him when the sickness overcame him. He wished that Zack's death was too hazy to remember. It was the last memory to return to him, and by far the most painful. The poisoning left him incapacitated, but his eyes were open when Zack's body hit the ground. He can still see Zack's eyes meeting his, a hand struggling to take his, and Zack's mouth forming his last fleeting words in a whisper—'love you'—with a sorrowful apology in his eyes.

The tears form with this memory, the one that usually greets him when he tries to fall asleep at night. He wishes his most vivid memory could be Zack's smile, his laugh, the way his eyebrow cocked skyward in amusement, the way his arms felt perfect around his waist, or the way his lips felt against his. Fate wasn't kind enough for his daily vision to be his first love's beautiful face happy and smiling.

But lately he's had someone to help carry the burden of his pain. He knows what Zack means to him, and he knows that a part of his heart will always yearn for the man he had to watch die. Reno accepts it, knowing that even though part of him has been given away, he holds the rest of his heart. He knows that the pain will always be a part of his life, and he recognizes the challenge of living with it. He loves him enough to fight for him. He loves him enough to put aside his jealousy and love him for who he is. He is the closest thing to what Zack used to be to him.

The feeling was foreign, but his heart could still feel it, even though the emotion had been frozen in time. Fate had been kind enough to let Cloud love again.

a/n: Wow...emotional ride, this one was. In my defense, Cloud's an emo bitch, and he made me do it:points at Cloud:

Cloud: Meh. :looks gloomily out window:

Me: My point exactly.

Now to put in real author notes: First, it was my intent to not use Cloud's name until the end. We should have known who it was throughout, but I'm a whore for that emotional pull and anything stylistic. Second: I generally tried to use names as sparingly as possible (I tried to only use names once, actually), with the exception of Zack...for some reason Cloud likes to say Zack's name, not out loud, but he likes to say it in his mind. Out loud is too painful, but when he's thinking he can say it freely with the love it carries. Reno's pretty much one of the only ones he'll say Zack's name in front of. Hope the 'he thinks that he' stuff wasn't too confusing. Third: Yes, I use the name Aeris. My opinion on it is this: I'll always say Aeris with FFVII and Aerith in KH stuff. I know it was supposed to be translated to Aerith, but I played hours of FFVII with Aeris trying desperately to un-gayify Cloud :giggles:...so that's how it's gonna be. Fourth: Oh, I hope you got that the "only one of them could come close to understanding the pain" was a Vincent reference...and the whole gunman thing. I just can't leave him out! All my faves mentioned in one fic: Zack, Vincent, Reno, Cloud and Seph...yay! Wait! Where's Rufus:runs to find Rufus-chan: Fifth:Wow...this was in third person. It wasn't first-person!Reno babbling...that's a change, eh?

Emotional ride? I told you I'd come back to the angsty. It was like I made a comedy break in the middle to save all of you from the sheer angst. Hope you still like it. I mean, I was all teary at parts of this, so I hope you feel it!

No bait for 28, as it's in inspiration mode. It may be a comedy involving reminiscing about mortifying moments and cross-dressing (plotbunny by one of my favorite reviewers), but we'll see. More inspiration is welcome! Love to you all.