Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.
Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.
Why to Always Have an Escape Route
Chapter 5
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Mitchell: You asked for votes.
Jessie: Annnnnnddddd...?
(Mary hands pitcher of grog and little cups to Jessie who grasps onto it as if it were the water of life.)
Mary: Yes but by democracy she meant 'what do the girls want to watch'.
Sam: We get the vote? (Mary nods, Jessie is handing out the foul-colored grog, Taylor is lost for the moment in the vision that is John Sheppard, and Sheppard is unsettled by the staring but is hiding behind his turkey sandwich.)
Sam: Well, I don't like guns, but I do like explosions a little more. (the boys brighten up)...well, that and cute guys...(the brightness fades)
Mary: (chuckles) Aww, Taylor, give the boys their bombs...
Taylor: (She tears her eyes away from Sheppard and considers for a minute.) How about we please everyone and go with Pirates of the Caribbean (boys start to protest) ANND then the two Bourne movies okay? It's a little bit of everything and a bit of give and take.
Sam: I like it.
Taylor: Isn't it great? It's my (dramatic voice) master plan
Mary: Taylor, there is no master plan.
Taylor: Please? Can there Please be a master plan?
Mary: Nope, sorry.
(Taylor pouts for a moment, but quickly shakes it off.)
Taylor: Now who gets to be in charge of the remote?
(Massive silence, followed by massive "Mine!" "Mine!" "I will take the remote." "Mine!" Mary surveys the scene, glares at Taylor for opening such a can of worms, and then snatches the remote from Taylor.)
Mary: Mine.
Jack: Wait, why does she get it?
Mary: I'm the overlord. Now, who wants popcorn?
Taylor: All hail bane. (…amid the choruses of "I want popcorn." "Me!" "Me."
Taylor and Jessie jump up to go get the popcorn for everyone, and cookie dough for themselves.)
Mary: (As the popcorn and cookie dough get passed around...) Okay, so Pirates first. (goes over to TV) Hmm. Now how does this work?
(Taylor skips over, looks at the DVD player, and stops Mary from hitting a button.)
Mary: What?
Taylor: I thought we'd gone over the 'no touchy if no know what do because run risk of blowing up' at the last movie fest.
Mitchell: (looks up from trying to sneak some of Teal'c sandwich, which he was failing at, badly) Wait, my DVD player isn't made to explode. (pause) Is it?
Taylor: No. Well, probably not. But with Mary, you can never be sure with the electronics and the buttons and the explosions and the "Oh no! The house is on fire!" And so on.
(Mitchell looks at Mary for confirmation. She looks back as innocently as possible.)
Mitchell: (gets up) Right then, I'll take that (grabs the DVD) and you, Jessie, move.
(Jessie scoots over and, coming too temptingly close to Sheppard's foot, glomps it. He yells very manly-ly and kicks wildly. Jessie lets go in the nick of time, and he impacts the unfortunate shin of his sofa-buddy.)
Mary: (shakes head) We need glomping rules...
Teal'c: What is a glomp?
Taylor: (looks back) It's kind of like a cross between a hug and a death grip, meant to show affection and joy.
Sheppard: Unfortunately it feels more like a death grip with these two.
Taylor: Hey! I'm being good.
Sheppard: For now.
(Taylor pouts.)
Mitchell: He has a point kid. (gets up as TV starts working) Okay, now we should be good to go.
Taylor: Cam, can you show me how to do that so when everyone else falls asleep I won't have to wake you up?
Mitchell: Who said we were going to fall asleep?
Jessie: The immutable laws of physics, unless you...drink the grog.
(Mitchell and others look at cups in their hands warily.)
Mary: Don't do it. You wont' like it. It's too sugary, and it could possibly stop your heart.
(All look at her in horror.)
(Jack puts down root beer and picks up his cup 'o grog, scrutinizing it.)
Jack: Tell me you're joking.
Mary: But I'm not. And it'll make you hyper. Every last one of... okay, maybe not Teal'c. (She, Taylor, and Jessie all down their grog in one gulp.)
Daniel: But I thought you said not to-
Mary: It's known as a disclaimer. Now drink... if you dare!
Mary, Taylor, and Jess simultaneously: Dun dun duuuuun!
(Pause, and Mary erupts into evil laughter, causing Taylor and Jessie to giggle frighteningly.)
Jack: Oh, what the hell. (drinks)
(Mitchell and Sam follow his lead. Daniel looks wary but sips. Sheppard is groggy; he gets nudged by an unnamed someone, and drinks. Teal'c watches stoically, and when none of them die, he drinks as well.)
(Taylor and Jessie giggle maniacally as Jack nearly falls out of his chair within seconds.)
Jack: Holy crap!
Mitchell: I second that. (actually does fall out of chair)
Daniel: Heilige hel…
Everyone else: What?
Sam: I think that was Dutch (a second later her eyes go wide) Holy Hannah.
(Sheppard jerks upright and bounces out of room.)
Taylor: (watching Sheppard) I always knew he was high strung but...
Mary: (watching all of this amusedly, notices something) Hey Teal'c, how're you doing?
Teal'c: I seem unaffected.
Mary: (nods) Give it half an hour.
(Teal'c's eyes widen very slightly, showing his extreme discomfort at this new information.)
Sheppard: (walking back into room, wiping face with paper towel) Wow. That was...what was that?
Taylor: It was...was...grrrr-(gives up and succumbs to the giggling)
Mary: Taylor, Jessie, Mitchell, BREATHE!
Teal'c: You too seem unaffected. Will you not also become...(he gestures to the others in the room)...in time?
Mary: (shrugs) We'll see. Now, who wants to start the movie?
(All those still able to do so raise their hands.)
Mary: Right. (presses play)
(At that moment all persons are beamed away…and appear on the deck of the Daedalus where Caldwell is waiting for them.)
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