Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.
Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.
Why to Always Have an Escape Route
Chapter 18
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Jessie: Life doesn't make sense. The answer is 42.
Taylor: (scolding) Jessie. (to Mary) What's it say?
Daniel: It gives very detailed instructions on how to work it.
Sheppard: So what's the problem, McKay? Forgotten how to push buttons?
McKay: There are no buttons to push! There's nothing. It basically says turn on here but here doesn't exist!
(The distraction group has reached the armory and it's not guarded at all.)
Ronon: Trap?
Teyla: I do not believe so. This armory is new. It is possible they do not even know it exists.
Jack: You don't think someone told them?
Teyla: The people of this city would not give up any such information freely and Kolya would not have known to ask.
Jack: Oh. So not a trap?
Teyla: No.
(They go to the armory, Teyla arms herself and they set off back to the main section of the city.)
Mitchell: So do we have a plan on distractions?
Sam: If we head to the control room... they'd be sure to notice us and it would definitely pull anyone away from where the others are if we were trying to dial out.
Jack: To the gate room.
(Back to the linguists and co.)
Jessie: All for one and one for all!
Mary: Jessie, I know you can't help it, but can you keep the randomness down a notch here? We're kinda busy.
Jessie: Sure thing, boss.
Taylor: I'm getting the feeling like we should be hurrying.
Sheppard: Me too.
Daniel: It just, it doesn't make sense! How can we "press here" if there is no "here"?
Jessie: It's a trap? Get an axe?
Taylor: Oh, come on Jessie. Army of Darkness? You can do better.
(Jessie quiets down trying to think of a better movie quote)
McKay: THANK you.
Taylor: No prob.
Mary: We have to be missing something.
McKay: Maybe it wasn't meant to be used. Did the ancients have practical jokes?
Jessie: There is no spoon!
Taylor: Well, The Matrix is better, but-
Mary: No, wait, say that again.
Jessie: Uh, there is no spoon?
Mary: (ponders) Could it be we just can't see the button?
Daniel: Technically...yes.
Taylor: Way to go Jessie! Breakthrough!
Jessie: Huzzah!
Taylor: You do know that no one actually says that right?
Jessie: Huh?
Mary: If I just, (she presses the general area indicated by the writings) press here...
(The Jewel suddenly forms a depression where her finger pressed.)
Taylor: Coolness.
McKay: The letters have changed.
Daniel: I can't believe it. We've got it!
Sheppard: That's great kids, because I can hear gunshots. We might want to hurry to get to the others.
(They all start heading for the door.)
Taylor: Wait.
Sheppard: What? We have to go. They can use the thing now so let's go.
Taylor: Go what? Use it?
McKay: Well yes, that would be why we went to all the trouble of finding it. We knew those idiots would never find it.
Jessie: (picking up on Taylor's point) What does it do?
Daniel: Jessie we've been over this. It destroys anyone the user thinks is an enemy.
Taylor: You don't see that as a problem?
Daniel: What?
Mary: (also understanding) It will kill every Genii in this city. Every single one.
Sheppard: …and this is a problem?
Mary, Taylor and Jessie: Yes.
Sheppard: Why? They are in my city, they've killed my people, and they plan on killing more, this is, of course, not mentioning everything Kolya himself has done.
Taylor: What? Killed his enemies?
Daniel: (finally getting it) So by doing this we would be no better than him.
Jessie: Yes.
Sheppard: Great. Now we're moral. O'Neill is going to kill me because I killed the plan.
Taylor: Actually I killed the plan.
Mary: And anyone killing Taylor has to go through me first, and I'll be angry.
McKay: Well, now what do we do?
Daniel: I say we still go through with the plan, and take the device up to Kolya.
Taylor: WHAT??
Jessie: You are a very bad man.
Daniel: Just because we aren't going to use it doesn't mean that he knows we aren't going to use it.
Taylor: Oh.
Jessie: Ah. Never mind.
Sheppard: Can we hurry then? There's some mighty loud fighting going on that way.
(Back to the distraction team, now proving to be quite a distraction after all.)
(The various members of the distraction are darting around the Gate room in a firefight. All are shouting to be heard over the noise.)
Jack: Carter!
Sam: (on the other side of the room) Sir?
Jack: Any idea when they're gonna show?
Mitchell: The sooner the better!
Teal'c: I am inclined to agree that this is not going as well as could be hoped! (knocks a guy out)
Sam: I'm not sure, Sir! They had to figure that thing out!
(Meanwhile: the linguistics team is rushing down the hallways.)
Jessie: Is it just me or have the hallways gotten longer and more confusing?
Taylor: Yeah, they weren't this bad earlier, were they?
Mary: Now is so not the time to be discussing the space-time continuum.
Jessie: Huh?
McKay: Who said anything about the space-time continuum?
Taylor: Actually, I was about to suggest it...
Sheppard: Quiet. We're almost there. I suggest you get your weapons ready.
Jessie: We have weapons?
Taylor: We don't have weapons, do we?
Mary: Does wit, sarcasm, and a device thingy that can kill count?
McKay: (muttering) Just shoot me now.
Daniel: I think you're about to get that wish.
(They rush around a corner and find themselves standing in the middle of a rather heated gunfight.)
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