Complicated.

6b:

Thursday

Ever since she learned about Corey and Spencer, Ashley started frequenting the small gym her apartment building had for its residents more often than usual, putting her body through hours of intense exercise each visit. She was in isolation mode; warding off those close to her; preoccupying herself with activities that didn't involve other people to give herself some time alone with her thoughts. That's how she operated whenever an uncomfortable or unusual situation arose. Avert and avoid. Her parents were particularly fond of this method when she was younger.

Staying away from the apartment as much as possible was also part of this isolation period. Being near Corey, acting normal around her, was really hard. Why? Because Corey was dating Spencer. Spencer Carlin. A woman Ashley Davies had once loved with all of her being.

- - -

"So," Corey started, keeping her eyes on the TV, "what about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

"I see a lot of people," Ashley responded, distractedly.

"Oh... Why is that?" Corey quickly glanced at the brunette. "Are you afraid of commitment?" she wondered, jokingly.

"Uh, no." Ashley smiled. "I don't do relationships."

- - -

"When I get too close, fall too hard, or get too attached to people, they leave me," she finally said. "It's been like that all my life."

Corey was now staring at the smaller woman, the game forgotten. "So, to protect yourself, you avoid all of the above?" She frowned. "Don't you feel like you're robbing yourself of happiness, because you're too scared of getting your heart broken?"

"I'm not scared of getting my heart broken, or falling in love. I just choose not to. My life's less complicated without it."

- - -

Ashley had lied that night. Corey was right; she was scared of love, of getting her heart broken. The pain of loving someone and having that person walk away was excruciating; she knew, she had experienced it many times in her twenty-two years. After her relationship with Spencer ended, she vowed enough was enough. She was finished with relationships. No one was going to hurt her ever again, because they wouldn't get close enough to do so. She put up a barrier around herself, around her heart, blocking others from getting inside, and started controlling who came in and out of her life, and how long they were around. After a while, the need to receive and return love faded. She no longer desired an emotional connection, or a loving, committed relationship with one person. She now craved brief physical contact with people she had no ties to whatsoever. This was easy and painless, and kept her fragile heart whole.

But now things were getting complicated.

Seeing Spencer in a relationship with someone else, happy and in love, was something she had never wanted to witness. It hurt. More than she ever thought it would. But she didn't understand why. It had been four years. She was over Spencer Carlin. Completely. Why was this affecting her so much?

Fuck.

She lifted her head, eyeing the other people scattered around the room. Each one had the same serious, focused look on their faces. Four were regulars, hardcore types, who came into the gym nearly every day. The other two she had never seen before, but they were just as fit as all the others. She wondered if their lives were as complicated and fucked up as her own, and if exercise was their way of release.

She was on an exercise bike; the upper part of her body was hunched over, arms resting against the handlebars, while her legs pumped fiercely on the pedals below. Her body was exhausted but she pushed herself to continue, knowing she had at least another ten minutes left in her. Jefferson Airplane tunes filled her head, drowning out the noise around her. She closed her eyes, concentrating on Grace Slick's powerful voice pouring out of her earphones. A tap on the shoulder brought her out of her haze.

She looked up to find a pair of concern-filled light brown eyes behind black, thick-framed glasses staring down at her. She stopped pedaling and leaned back, removing the plugs out of her ears. Her tank top was soaked through, sticking to her back; mesh shorts clung to her thighs. She snatched the water bottle out of its holder and untwisted the cap. "What is it, Jen?"

Her roommate just continued to stand there; eyes narrowed, arms folded across her chest, shoulders bunched up, lips drawn into a tight, thin line. "I'm worried about you, Ash. You've been spending hours in here every day." Full lips bent into a small frown. "This much exercise is unhealthy."

A quirky smile formed on the brunette's mouth. "Exercise is unhealthy? Since when?" She slid off the seat, dismounting the bicycle.

Ignoring the sarcastic remarks, the redhead's eyes widened, taking in the body standing in front of her. "Look at you. You're out of breath, covered in sweat, splotchy. It's only been four days and you've already lost weight." Her frown deepened. "You're wearing yourself out. Why?"

Ashley plopped down on the bench and removed a hand towel from her gym bag, using it to wipe her face and neck dry. "I'm fine. I know my limits."

Arms still crossed, Jenna eased down next to Ashley, staying silent for several minutes, while the younger woman's erratic breathing slowly evened out, getting back to normal. "Are you having insecurities? About your body?"

"Wha-- no!"

Jenna exhaled in relief. There was a time when she was obsessed with her own body image; she was well aware of the emotional and physical strain that caused. It was pure torture. "Good, good. Because, babe, there is not one imperfection among that killer body of yours."

Ashley rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious. You're hot."

Looking at her friend, Ashley began to smile. "You're a closeted homo. Admit it. You're just using Topher as a beard." She lifted a hand and flicked her roommate's spiky hair. "This haircut and your lust for my bod proves it."

Jenna grinned, pushing Ashley's hand away and running her fingers through her hair, making sure it was still in place. "You wish."

"Fine, you're straight." With a dazzling smile on her face, Ashley leaned into her friend and whispered, "But I could easily bring you over to my side."

"You've tried and failed, my friend. Remember last New Year's?"

Ashley drew back. "That was a handicapped effort, seeing as how I was completely wasted. Plus, we had an audience. It was more of a show than anything else." She took one more quick sip of water before screwing the cap back on the bottle. "It doesn't count."

Jenna rolled her eyes. "We've gotten way off topic here. We should be discussing you and the abnormal exercise habit you've suddenly adopted."

"I thought that discussion was over."

"Um, no. You still haven't told me why you've been coming in here so much lately." Jenna paused. "I hope you know, your absence around the apartment this week hasn't gone unnoticed by our new roommate. She thinks you're intentionally avoiding the place." She eyed Ashley for a reaction, but the younger woman's expression didn't change. Jenna always found her roommate hard to read. "Are you?"

"Avoiding the apartment?" Jenna nodded. "No. Why would I?"

The redhead shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're uncomfortable with the fact that Corey's dating your ex-girlfriend."

"Who'd you hear that from?" Ashley dropped her towel onto her gym bag, and stood up, nudging the bag underneath the bench with her foot.

"No one. I figured it out by the way you were acting Sunday, when Spencer was at the apartment. You were being weird and unusually quiet. Then, you came up with that stupid story and ditched us. It wasn't the typical Ashley Davies behavior I'm used to." Jenna stopped rambling and arched an eyebrow, realizing Ashley didn't deny her earlier statement. "Wait -- so it's true?"

"Yeah." Ashley shrugged. "But, so what? I have plenty of ex-girlfriends crawling around this city. I'm surprised I don't run into one everywhere I go." She smirked as if that was something to gloat about.

"Proud to call yourself a slut?"

Ashley shot her roommate a dirty look and held up a middle finger.

"I think I'll pass. You don't have the right equipment."

"No. But I have something we can use as a substitute that you might enjoy," she retorted, with a wicked glint in her eye.

Unable to come up with an equally clever or inappropriate response, Jenna chose to ignore her roommate's comment. "So if it's not a big deal who Corey is dating," she started, while following Ashley over to the weights area, "then why haven't you been around the apartment much?" Her dark eyebrows rose in a curious manner as she refolded her arms across her chest. "And why the hell are you spending so much time in the gym, working out?"

"You're being really nosey," the brunette grumbled. "And it's starting to get on my nerves." She picked up a set of dumbbells from the rack against the wall and began a simple upper body workout.

"I'm just concerned."

"I told you, I'm fine."

Jenna rested a hand on the brunette's forearm. "Ash, come on. I've been living with you for two years now, I know when you're fine." She motioned to the dumbbells in her friend's hands. "And, honey, this is not something you do when you're fine."

Ashley sighed, and dropped the weights onto the rack. "All right, yes. I am a little uncomfortable around Corey," she admitted. "She's dating someone I used to care a lot about and that I haven't seen in a really long time and it-it's weird, okay?"

Jenna's features softened, as she let her arms fall loosely to her sides. After waiting a beat, she asked, "Do you want Corey to move out?"

"No." Ashley leaned against an unoccupied treadmill. "I just need some time to get used to it, to them." Her eyes swept around the gym. The room was becoming too stuffy to stay in. She had spent hours breathing and sweating with these people; it was time for some fresh air. "Wanna go get a smoothie?"

Shaking her head, Jenna said, "Um, yeah. Okay."

- - -

At a small park a couple blocks away from their apartment, Ashley and Jenna sat on a bench, consuming fruity flavored beverages.

While watching two kids kick a soccer ball back and forth, Jenna played with her straw, sloshing it around in the thick blue liquid that filled her styrofoam cup. "Am I allowed to ask questions about your relationship with Spencer?"

Ashley took a large gulp of her strawberry smoothie before responding. "Sure. You can ask. Doesn't mean you'll get an answer."

Jenna nudged the brunette. "Please?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "What do you want to know?"

"How long were you two together?"

"A couple years."

Jenna's eyes got big and round. "Years?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

"What? I've never seen you in a serious relationship. It's shocking to hear you've been in one, let alone one that lasted two years!" Jenna stopped playing with her straw and turned toward the other woman. "Wow, so, this Spencer girl must've meant a lot to you then, huh? I mean, you don't let just anybody stick around for that long."

"I guess so." Ashley wrapped her lips around the straw and sucked a few swallows of the strawberry smoothie into her mouth. Brown eyes followed the red liquid as it passed through the clear tubing of the straw.

"What happened? Why did you guys break up?"

"She moved to New York for school."

"Why did she choose New York?"

"The school there had a really good medical program and it was the one her mom attended."

Jenna frowned. "Wait, I thought she was a photographer?"

"She is. Now. But, back then, she wanted to be a doctor."

"Oh..."

Ashley stared into her cup, watching as the frost on the sides slid down to meet what was left of her smoothie in the bottom. "She moved to the other side of the country, three thousand miles away from me, to go to a school, studying a major that ended up not being 'right for her.'" She laughed ruefully.

"Why didn't you go with her?"

"You know those people that have their futures already planned out from the time they're real young? Spencer was one of them. Becoming a doctor was something she was passionate about. It was her dream. And I just couldn't see myself fitting into that dream world she had wanted to create for herself." Ashley had always thought opening up about this part of her past would be difficult, but having it bottled up inside of her for four years made finally telling someone a breeze; the words flowed freely from her mouth. She couldn't hold back.

"So you broke it off before she moved away?"

"No. She moved, I stayed. Then I waited a few months and did it over the phone. If I had ended it before she left, she would've stayed here in LA. And I couldn't have her do that, give up everything she had planned, for me." A well of emotions that had been locked up for years were bubbling to the surface. Her throat tightened, eyes stung with tears. She clenched her jaw, willing back the flood of emotions that threatened to erupt, wanting to force them back to the place they had been hiding all these years. "She would've left me eventually. Everyone does. I'm fucking toxic."

"Ash--"

"Look, it's true. I've never had anyone in my life care enough to stick around. Why should she be any different?"

"That's not--"

Ashley set her drink down and popped up from the bench, rubbing her palms over her face in frustration. "I'm gonna go for a walk." Jenna started to rise from her seat but Ashley stopped her. "No. I'm going alone. I need to. Okay?" She stared into her roommate's face. "I'll see you back at the apartment."

"I don't want to leave you alone right now."

"Jen, stop. I'll be fine. I just need to be by myself for awhile."

Defeated, the redhead nodded, "Okay."

With that, Ashley wrapped her arms around herself and walked away. If things weren't complicated before, they were now.

- - -