Complicated.

13b:

Hours later, at around one a.m., Ashley walked into her dark apartment, kicking the door closed behind her. She wearily shuffled around the living room, carelessly dropping her purse onto the coffee table, then turning on one of the side table lamps to brighten up the space a bit. With a loud, heavy sigh, she fell into the sofa and slipped a round, decorative pillow over her stomach, hugging it to her body. She felt tired, drained. She hadn't spoken to or seen anyone since the disastrous lunch with Spencer. Most of her time had been spent on a Sunset Strip rooftop; the one where she had illegally spread her father's ashes two years before. It was her thinking spot. She had gotten to know the owner of the building very well over the years, since her visits were frequent, and he allowed her unlimited access.

Eyes closed, head resting against the back of the couch, she mentally went over, for the umpteenth time, the conversation she had with Spencer. She felt pretty shitty for some of the things she had said, especially after the way Spencer handled everything. She hadn't expected the blond to get that upset. Although, she hadn't expected a cool, understanding response either. Really, she had no expectations regarding Spencer's reaction because she hadn't intended to confess the real reason she ended their relationship. It wasn't on the discussion list, it wasn't planned – for that specific moment. She did want to tell her the truth, eventually, but not right then. It was kind of an impulsive admission. One that she was definitely regretting now, because for that talk, she needed to carefully go over exactly what she wanted to say beforehand. Maybe if she had, things wouldn't have turned out so badly.

Yeah, right.

The sound of the door rattling and being unlocked pulled her out of her thoughts. Wide-eyed, she lifted her head and held her breath, hoping that whoever was entering the apartment wasn't Corey. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Jenna and Topher creeping in.

"Hey." Jenna's eyes lingered on Ashley, then darted around the living room, taking note that the television set was off. Ashley was just sitting alone, in a semi-darkened room, at one in the morning, with nothing on to entertain herself. That's kind of weird. She turned back to her roommate. "You okay?"

Ashley nodded. "Fine."

Topher walked up behind his girlfriend and slid an arm around her waist, pulling her against him. "Goin' to bed?" he mumbled, as he left sloppy, wet kisses on her neck and exposed shoulder.

"Yeah, um," Jenna said, freeing herself from her drunk, horny boyfriend, "I'll be there in a little bit, just let me talk to Ashley first."

"She said she was fine; she doesn't need to talk."

Jenna turned around, facing the tall, bleach-haired man, staring up at him through the clear, smudgeless lenses of her eyeglasses. "Topher, babe, I just spent the entire night with you clinging to me possessively in a smelly, smoke-infested bar, while my ears bled, listening to a group of teenagers give the worst hardcore performance I've ever heard. Now that I'm home, I want to go up to the roof, breathe some fresh air, and talk to my roommate. Maybe get a long, hot shower afterward. But most importantly, and don't get mad," she said, nibbling on her lower lip, hoping her next comment didn't come off too hurtful, "I want some Topher-free time."

Topher sighed, disappointedly. "It's one in the fucking morning, Jen. Let's just go to bed. You can have your Topher-free time tomorrow." Smirking, he wrapped his large, rough hands around her slim, smooth neck and lightly ran the pad of his thumbs along her jaw and throat. "I want some Jenna time." He leaned in, kissing her mouth. "C'mon. Please?"

Awkwardly clearing her throat, Ashley got off the couch and gathered up her purse, preparing to leave the couple alone and go close herself up in her bedroom. "Jen, I'm fine, really. Go on."

Jenna twisted around in Topher's arms, glancing at the darker-haired woman. "No Ash, stay. I want to talk to you." She flicked her gaze back to her boyfriend, taking in his heavy-lidded expression. "Go to bed, Topher. You know you're going to pass out once you hit the fucking mattress."

"Not if you're on that mattress with me." Topher dropped his hands to her waist, drawing her towards him, closing the gap between them.

Jenna rolled her eyes and pushed the persistent man away. "I'm not tired nor am I in the mood for what you're planning."

"Dammit, Jenna," he whined, as his arms flew up in the air. "Come on!"

"No," she pressed, standing her ground, arms folded tightly across her chest.

After a brief staring contest and a muttered 'fuck, whatever', the light-haired man stumbled out of the living room and disappeared behind the brick wall, where Jenna's bedroom was located. The door was slammed closed behind him.

Ashley's lips tugged into stiff smile. "Wow. I feel all warm and fuzzy after that. The love just radiates off you two."

Jenna glared at her roommate. "I'm not really in the mood for your sarcasm right now."

"So, no sarcasm or orgasms for you tonight. Got it." Ashley's smile turned playful, while Jenna's serious expression melted, replaced with a light chuckle and an eye roll. Ashley threw her purse aside and motioned toward the staircase. "Roof?"

"Yes, please," the redhead answered, snatching her sash up from the chair, where she had tossed it after entering the apartment. "After being clogged up with cigarette smoke for the past three hours, I think my lungs would prefer we take our talk up there."

- - -

Outside, on the rooftop, Ashley draped the upper part of her body over the waist-high protective barrier that surrounded the entire roof, getting a better view of the world behind the apartment building. Her eyes darted to a flickering lamppost on the street corner below. She stared at it, hypnotically.

"So," Jenna said, adjusting her sash, covering up everything her shoulderless top didn't.

"So," the darker-haired one repeated, "what's up?"

With her head tilted back, looking up at the dark sky, Jenna pressed her backside against the ledge. "Nothing. What's up with you?" she asked, with her head falling to the side, in Ashley's direction. "And don't say 'nothing'. You're not getting away with that."

Ashley's brow crinkled. "Why are you allowed to get away with it?"

"Because."

Brown eyes shifted to the right, taking in the petite hairstylist. "Because? That's all you're giving me?"

"Because I'm the one who came home at one a.m. and found my roommate sitting alone in the dark – probably thinking about whatever it is that's bothering you." Jenna pushed away from the brick barrier and turned around, getting into a similar position as her roommate. "What's wrong? Tell me."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because you tell me everything."

"No I don't."

"Well, you should. I tell you everything."

There was a witty, sarcastic remark sitting on the tip of the brunette's tongue, just waiting to be spit out, but she held on to it and instead, returned her gaze to the faulty streetlight. She took a deep breath and kept the air in her lungs for a moment, then loudly pushed it out through her nostrils and parted lips. "I think," she started, running her tongue over dry lips, "I think I screwed up with Spencer today."

"Spencer." Jenna wasn't all that surprised to hear that her roommate's weird mood was linked to the blond. "What happened?"

"I, I told her the truth."

"About your break-up?"

Ashley nodded silently, as a frown formed. "She didn't take it very well." She paused. "Actually, that's an understatement. She totally freaked out on me; fled the restaurant, made a scene outside, then refused to let me drive her back to work."

"Let me guess, you weren't expecting such a passionate response?"

"Not really. I mean, it's been four years."

"Well, you've got to put yourself in her shoes. She was lied to."

Ashley flipped around, resting her back against the brick before reluctantly admitting, "And blamed."

"Blamed? For what?"

"The break-up. I couldn't tell her the truth, about how I was feeling, because I thought – no, knew – she'd try to fight me on it, so I made up a reason for why I wanted to break things off."

"Which was?"

The brunette's eyes dropped slightly, as the memory of her unforgettable phone call with Spencer flooded her brain. "We were having some communication problems, because of her crazy schedule, so that's what I used, along with our issues with the distance."

"That's fucked up, Ash."

"Trust me, I didn't want to go about things that way, but I knew it would work, that it would get to her."

While Jenna distanced herself from the ledge, from Ashley, she tugged at her sash, preventing it from slipping off her shoulders. She was about to ask another question, but before she could get it out, Ashley spoke.

"Today was a test."

Jenna turned to face and stare at the bartender, with confusion clearly painted on her features. "A test?"

"Yes, a test, well, sort of. Earlier, before it happened, I, uh, decided that I wanted this lunch to determine if a friendship between Spencer and I would ever work. And, well, we kind of failed." Ashley shook her head, eyes focused on the gravely surface beneath her boots. "I can't do it, I can't be her friend. I know she wants to try, probably for Corey's sake, to make things less awkward between all of us, but I just... I can't. It's impossible."

"Impossible? Why?"

Head lifted, Ashley replied, "Because she's... my ex."

"You've never befriended an ex?"

"Well, yeah, I have, but that was back in high school. And it was a guy." She sighed. "That doesn't count."

"Why? Because your ex-turned-friend was a guy? Or because it happened in high school?" Jenna asked, eyebrows scrunching together, trying to understand what her friend was trying to say. "If I'm not mistaken, your relationship with Spencer was back in--"

Moving away from the ledge, Ashley ran her hands through her hair. "It doesn't count because my feelings for him weren't the same as they were for Spencer. They weren't as... intense. I was in," she hesitated, suddenly aware of how much of her past she was exposing. She hadn't been this open about her feelings for Spencer to anyone, not since their break-up.

"You were in love with her. It's okay to admit it." Jenna studied the quiet woman in front of her, carefully. "She's the one, isn't she?"

"The one?" A dark eyebrow rose. "What are you talking about?"

"The one that messed you up, that made you who you are today."

With narrowed eyes, Ashley folded her arms across her chest. "I didn't realize I was so messed up."

Jenna sighed, "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was, because of her, you choose not to be in relationships, you run from love." Taking a tentative step forward, she added, "Losing her – that ruined you, didn't it?"

"Jenna, I didn't lose her. You're overlooking one important fact here – I broke up with her."

"Only because you thought she was drifting away from you and that there wasn't any room for you in her new life, right?" The hairstylist kept her eyes trained on the small woman before her. "You were still in love with her when you ended it; your feelings for her hadn't changed. Over time, you had to let her go, just like she did – you lost each other."

Ashley's brain was on overdrive as thought after thought swirled around, making her head spin, throb. Eyes squeezed shut, she reached up and pressed her fingers against her temples, thinking that would relieve the pain somehow.

"She's the reason you're afraid to let anyone in, isn't she?"

Ashley's eyes blinked open, and her arms dropped to her sides momentarily before being lifted and wrapped around herself. "No, she's not the only one, there's a long list of people who contributed to that."

"But, she tops the list, right?"

"You know what," the brunette spat out, shaking her head, keeping her eyes averted, "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's late, I'm tired." With that, she made her way over to the roof's exit, swung open the heavy door and rushed inside, leaving Jenna alone on the rooftop.

- - -