Complicated.

16:

Spencer unlatched and opened the tailgate on Corey's truck, and hoisted herself up into a sitting position. She set her camera bag beside her and unzipped the large compartment, where she kept her Cannon camera. Before she could pull it out, Corey walked up and moved between her legs, which were dangling over the edge of the hatch.

"You goin' in the water?" the short, choppy haired woman asked, placing her hands on Spencer's naked thighs.

"Not yet. I want to sit, do some people watching first."

"Okay. I might go in for a few minutes."

Right then, a shirtless Aiden scampered up, bouncing his nearly eight-month-old son, Jeremy, around in his arms with each step. "Hey, you guys made it. Bailey and Aimee are on their way." Bailey and Aimee were co-workers of Aiden's. They were a married couple with a set of fraternal twins that would sometimes join Aiden and Jeremy for little play dates. Like the one today, apparently.

"I didn't know they were coming."

"I invited them at the last minute. That's okay, right?"

Spencer quickly nodded, "Yeah, sure. Of course. It's just... I thought this was a grownup outing."

Aiden bent down and picked up the orange plastic shovel that Jeremy dropped. "The kids won't be a problem. You won't even know there here."

Under her breath, Spencer mumbled, "I doubt that."

Corey scooted away from her girlfriend and touched Aiden's son's head, rubbing his new little faux hawk. "Spiffy haircut, little guy."

"It looks good, doesn't it?" Aiden's face brightened. "All the little girls on the beach are fawning over him, so I've been keeping him in my arms for protection."

Corey grinned, "Seven and a half months old and already has the girls all over him."

"Well, he is his father's son," Aiden beamed. "We were in the middle of building a sand castle. Would you mind helping him finish it? I want to talk to Spencer for a moment."

"No, I don't mind at all." Corey held her arms out, and cooed, "C'mere, monkey."

Aiden handed the baby and shovel over, then patted Jeremy on the bottom and kissed the back of his head. "Be good for Corey. Don't throw sand on her." While Corey and Jeremy moved down the beach, Aiden saddled up next to Spencer on the back of the truck. "She's good with him."

Spencer nodded. "Yeah. She's very nurturing."

"She'll make a great mother, I bet. Maybe you two should start talking--"

"Uh, no," the blond interrupted, shaking her head. "We've only been together for five months, Aiden. You think I'm ready to start having kids with her? I'm not even ready to live with her yet."

"Spencer, calm down. I was joking." Aiden smiled.

Spencer relaxed, inhaled a large gulp of air, then pushed it out through her nostrils.

"What the hell is wrong with you today?"

"Sorry, I... I've been a little on edge the last few days. I don't know why."

Aiden glanced at his friend out of the corner of his eye, spying as she nervously pushed some hair behind her ear, then returned his gaze to Corey and Jeremy further down the beach. "I think I know why. It starts with an A and ends with a Y."

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Ashley has nothing to do with it."

"Come on, she got to you. The other day, after your accident, when I took you out for ice-cream, you were upset. Because of her."

"Yeah, I'll admit, I was a little upset. She lied about our break-up. But, so what? It was four years ago. It doesn't matter now. I'm over it."

"Doesn't seem like you are to me."

"Well, I am. Okay? So, just... drop it."

"I talked to her yesterday. She called me."

"Why?"

Aiden shrugged. "To see what's up, I guess. The conversation didn't last long, we ended up getting into an argument. Well, not necessarily an argument, I was doing most of the talking, so I guess you could say, I was telling her off, giving her a piece of my mind."

"About what?"

"I kind of told her she was a coward."

"I thought you were on her side."

"Excuse me? What?"

"The other day, at the ice cream parlor, you were defending her."

"I was not."

"Then, what was all that 'maybe she thought the breakup was the best thing to do, that she was setting you free, so you could move on, live your life' talk?"

"I was trying to make you feel better, Spence. You were more than a little heated about everything that day."

"Okay, fine. You told her she was a coward. Anything else?"

"Um, maybe. I don't remember."

Spencer narrowed her eyes. "You're lying."

Aiden shifted. His bathing suit had dried and was now hard and crinkly from the sand, making his skin itch. "I might've mentioned, uh," he stumbled, "what the breakup did to you, what you went through."

Spencer faced forward, briefly scanned the beach, watched the waves crash to the surface. "You didn't tell her that I had to drop pre-med, did you?" she asked, holding her breath, waiting for him to respond. He didn't. That told her everything. "Shit, Aiden." She ungracefully jumped down from the truck, regained her balance, and pressed her palms against her forehead.

"I'm sorry. I was kind of on a roll, it slipped out." Aiden hopped down, and moved closer to his distressed friend. "Does it really matter if she knows? I don't understand why you came up with that Paula story in the first place."

"Maybe because I didn't want her to know how much she – our breakup – affected me. It obviously wasn't a big deal to her."

"What wasn't? The breakup?"

"Our breakup, our relationship. All of it. I mean, who breaks up with someone they've been with for two years over the phone? Someone who doesn't care anymore. And in my case, someone who may have never cared."

"Are you guys okay?"

Spencer and Aiden twirled around and met a pair of worried expressions.

"Oh, we're fine," Aiden spoke first, putting on a smile for his friends. "Glad you guys could make it. A day at the beach wouldn't be fun without ya." He slapped Bailey's hand and pulled him close to bump shoulders. "How are you?"

"Good, good. I think the twins are ready to get in the water."

"Let's not keep them waiting any longer then. Come on."

Spencer stayed by the truck, arms wrapped around her waist, wishing she had skipped the beach. So many emotions were flowing through her, needing to be released. Normally, she would keep everything bottled up, but lately, she discovered that letting things out was better. Healthier. If she could just release everything she felt over her breakup with Ashley, she would be free, she would no longer suffer through the feeling of internal suffocation.

But how? How do you let go of four years of pain and heartbreak and anger?

She snatched up her camera and started walking away from the beach.

--

Ashley stepped out onto the rooftop and released the heavy door, letting it close loudly, startling the young man lying sprawled out on a blanket. With her arms folded and head cocked to the side, she asked, "What are you doing?"

Topher picked up the butt that had fallen out of his mouth and onto his chest after the door slammed, sat up, and crossed his legs. "Relaxing."

Ashley moved closer. "Jenna's not even here."

"Uh, so?"

"So, go home. This isn't your apartment."

Topher brushed his chest off, and stuck the joint back in his mouth, taking another hit. "I wasn't bothering you." He looked up at her with one squinty eye, the other closed, trying to block out the sunlight shining above her. "The sun is bright."

"No shit." Ashley sat down across from her roommate's boyfriend, and held out her hand. "Pass it." Topher wisely obeyed. "Did Jen give you a key?"

The light-haired man buttoned his shirt, and once he was finished, realized some of the buttons were in the wrong holes. He smirked, "Ha."

Ashley shook her head. "You're so stoned." She nudged his knee with the bottom of her shoe. "Answer my question."

"Key? Key? Fuck yeah, I have a key. Jenna's my girl, and this is her apartment, so I get a key, 'cause... 'cause I just do."

Ashley smiled, and held up the sloppily self-rolled joint. "This must be some good shit."

"If you're not gonna smoke any, give the shit back."

Ashley wrapped her lips around the end of the joint and slowly inhaled. The first puff filled her lungs. She waited a moment, took another hit, then passed it back. "Topher, do you have any regrets?"

"What?"

"Regrets, Topher." The marijuana was quickly taking effect, targeting her brain, clouding up her thoughts. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Fuck, this isn't one of those serious, girly-girl chats, is it? I don't know how to do those."

"Would you just answer my fucking question?" she asked, punching him in the thigh.

He jerked back, pulling his leg up. "Ah, dammit. Bitch. That really hurt. You're abusive."

"Only towards you."

Topher shook his head, "What was the question again?"

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged. "Doesn't everybody?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Ashley pulled her knees up against her chest and picked at the tear in her jeans, where her bare knee peeked through. "What are your regrets?"

"Ugh, this is one of those girly-girl chats," he whined, making a face.

"No, it's not. Answer," she said, holding up her fist, threatening another strike.

"Alright, alright. Jesus," Topher mumbled, scooting away a little more. "Regrets... regrets... I don't know. I guess I regret putting Jenna through so much shit in the beginning of our relationship. I was fucked up back then, and I know that's not an excuse, but..." he trailed off, rubbing his eye with the same hand that was holding the joint. "I've been trying to get my act together, maintain some kind of sta-stab--"

"Stability."

"Yeah. Stability." He sighed. "I don't know if it's working, though. She doesn't trust me much; I don't think she ever will."

Ashley stared at him, and for the first time she saw how much he cared about Jenna. Funny that he had to be high for her to see it. "You really love her, don't you?"

"Yeah. She's changed me, made me better. I never want to let her go." Topher stared off into space for a moment, then lifted his eyes, "So, uh, regrets?"

Ashley licked her lips, and reached for the joint. "I only have one, really."

"Okay."

Needing a little push, some courage, she took a hit. "A few years ago, I gave up something, something that meant... everything to me. That loved me." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I thought, at the time, that I had to. But now I'm realizing I should've held onto it, because I don't think I'm ever going to get it back." She swallowed, opened her eyes, stared at the glazed-eyed rocker in front of her. "And I want it back."

--