"Tendo Anything-Goes Dojo... Yup. This is the place, all right," Ryuunosuke said, glancing down at the address Ranma had given her last night.
True to her word, Ryu got up well before sunrise in order to begin her "training" as soon as possible. It had taken a little searching (Ranma's handwriting was really bad), but she found the correct house just as the first rays of dawn began streaming from the eastern horizon.
After streching for a moment, she happened to notice a small sign nailed to the wall that read, "To defeat owner in savage combat, use rear door".
"Hahahahaha!" Ryu laughed, hands on her hips. "Man, that's rich! We need a sign like that at the teashop; it'd save the front door a lot of wear and tear."
As her laughter died down, she thoughtfully placed her fist below her chin. "Hmm... That brings up a good question, though. Should I knock, just let myself in, or what? It's still kinda early, so they might not be awake yet."
The words had barely left her mouth when she heard voices coming from behind the wall.
"Stupid old man! What's the big idea dumping ice water on me first thing in the morning?"
"Silence, you lazy good-for-nothing! If you'd have gotten up faster, it wouldn't have been necessary!
"Why, you...! C'mere!"
Ryu watched in amazement as two people, one a redhead that she recognized as girl-type Ranma and the other an older man in a gi, hopped from the yard to the roof of the Tendo home.
"Whoa! What are they, grasshoppers?" Ryu whispered, incredulous. Trying to get a better view, she scrambled on top of the wall and stood in rapt attention as the two martial artists took up their fighting stances.
Genma adopted a defensive pose, growling, "How dare you even THINK of hitting your father? I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon forget, you insolent little punk!"
"Shut up and fight, already!" Ranma retorted, leaping toward her father.
Anticipating the attack, Genma met her in midair, and soon the fists and feet were flying. Below, Ryuunosuke watched with a mixture of disbelief and admiration as the two carried out an all-out war nearly 30 feet off the ground. Being an excellent fighter herself, she could truly appreciate how much physical and mental exertion a midair melee like that must take.
Ryu whistled and said, "No wonder Ranma's supposed to be so good. His old man is one tough old bird... Man, I wish I had some popcorn or somethin'."
At that moment, Ranma and Genma reached the apex of their little flight and began the swift drop down. As they disappeared behind the house, Ryuunosuke dashed along the top of the wall in hot pursuit. Rounding a corner, she found herself in what appeared to be the back yard, complete with a little koi pond. The Saotomes were still going at it full-swing, with neither father nor son/daughter having a clear advantage. Finally, Ranma took advantage of a missed roundhouse kick to grab her father with a Judo throw and toss him headfirst toward the pond. However, the old man wasn't out of tricks just yet.
"Yow! Let go of my pigtail, ya ol' fool!" Ranma protested as the force of her own throw lifted her into the air.
"Join me for a morning swim, boy?" Genma quipped right before they hit the water.
Ryu involuntarily jumped when a giant panda rose out of the water a few seconds later. Sure, Ranma had told her about Genma's curse, but seeing it in action was another thing altogether! Once she got over her shock, though, she couldn't help but be amused.
Before Ranma and Genma could resume their morning skirmish, the sounds of laughter and applause reached their ears. Turning, they saw Ryu seated on top of the wall, clapping and smiling ear-to-ear.
"Nice match!" she said with a chuckle. "Not quite as vicious as my fights with my dad, but the special effects were much better. Hahaha!"
Genma pulled out a sign from God-knows-where that read "HE A FRIEND OF YOURS, BOY?"
Waving at Ryu, Ranma replied, "Yeah, she is."
"SHE?" Genma asked, confused for obvious reasons.
"It's kind of a long story..." Ryuunosuke said sheepishly, hopping down from the wall.
Before the afore-mentioned long story could be told, a pretty soprano voice chimed, "Ranma, Mr. Saotome! It's time for breakfast!"
"Be right there in a second, Kasumi!" Ranma answered.
Ryu stared past Ranma and her panda Pop at the beautiful young woman standing by the table. At first, Ryu felt really nervous; her father had done such a good job with her brainwashing that she was almost as timid around a pretty girl as any boy would be! Luckily, Kasumi's famously kind smile showed Ryu that she had nothing to dread.
Kasumi had noticed Ryu at about the same time that Ryu caught sight of her. With a surprised little gasp, she exclaimed, "Oh! Ranma, you didn't tell me you had a visitor. Please, won't you join us for breakfast?"
Blushing slightly, Ryu mumbled, "Y-you sure it ain't no trouble?"
"Of course not!" Kasumi replied. "Please, come in and help yourself!"
"Since you put it that way..." Ryu chuckled.
-------------------
"Hmm... You don't say? Akane's replacement at the high school, eh? Well, it's a pleasure to meet you!" Soun declared, taking a sip of miso soup.
"Hey, the pleasure's mine. By the way, thanks for the free eats!" Ryu replied as Kasumi sat a bowl of rice in front of her. "I ain't used to having such a nice breakfast."
After silently scrutinizing Ryu for a few moments, Genma said, "Pardon me for asking, but I don't think I caught your name..."
Slapping her forehead, Ryu muttered, "Duh! I can't believe I forgot to introduce myself. Sorry; I'm Ryuunosuke Fujinami."
Genma's eyes lit up as if remembering something long forgotten. "Fujinami? I don't suppose your family runs a teashop?"
"Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, we do," Ryu replied. "But how did you--"
"And your father..." Genma said, interrupting her. "Does he have incredibly scary close-ups? Do waves splash around him for no particular reason? Does he really, really love the sea?"
"Hahaha! Yes, yes, and yes!" Ryu chuckled. "How do you know my dad?"
"Bwahahaha!" Genma chortled excitedly. "I knew it! I knew from the moment I saw you that you had to be Fujinami's kid!"
"You trying to start a fight?" Ryu snarled, slamming her fists on the table.
"Don't worry; I wasn't talking about looks," Genma reassured her. "It's just that your mannerisms are so similiar."
Soun coughed and said, "I'm a little confused, Saotome. You and I trained and went to school together our entire young lives, but I don't ever recall meeting this 'Fujinami' person."
"Don't you remember, Tendo? I moved away for two years during middle school," Genma reminded him. "That's when I met Fujinami. Both of us were really into martial arts and had an appreciation for good cooking, so we became great friends. We were so rowdy that the teachers took to calling us 'the Terrible Twosome'. Hahaha!"
Ranma and Ryu were both sweatdropping. Ranma mumbled, "You don't say..."
"From the way Ryu described her dad, I can't exactly say I'm surprised," Ranma thought to herself. "My upbringin' suddenly makes a whole lot more sense..."
"If this joker was 'great friends' with my dad, then he's gotta be trouble on two feet," Ryu mused. "Better keep an eye on him, just in case."
Their thoughts were interrupted by Kasumi's soft voice. She said, "It sounds like the two of you were very close, Mr. Saotome."
"Yes, very close indeed!" Genma nodded. "We talked and sparred all the time. Why, we even--"
Suddenly, Genma's eyes went wide and he got very quiet, very quickly.
"Hey, what's up, Pop?" Ranma asked. "You act like you just saw a ghost."
For a moment, Genma just stared into space. Finally, he murmured, "I think it's time for my morning nap. If you'll excuse me..."
Genma hastily bowed toward the others and left the room. They all stared after him, most with looks of suspicion on their faces.
"That man is hiding something," Nabiki flatly stated.
"Tell me something I don't know," Ranma retorted, setting down an empty rice bowl. "Doesn't matter, though. I'll worm the truth out of him sooner or later. Ryu, you ready to go?"
After wolfing down a final mouthful of rice, she replied, "Yeah, sure. Ready when you are."
"So, are you going very far, Ranma?" Kasumi asked. "I don't mean to be nosy; I just need to know whether or not to prepare you any supper."
"Ah, we're not goin' far," the redhead replied, standing up. "Just around town for a while. Thanks for breakfast, by the way."
Ranma walked out the door, and Ryu was about to follow when she suddenly turned and bowed toward Kasumi.
"Thanks a lot for the meal, Ms. Tendo," she said. "It was really delicious."
"Why, thank you!" Kasumi said with a smile. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Take care, now!"
After Ryu had made her exit, Nabiki turned toward Kasumi and said, "Now that boy is cute! If it weren't for the fact that he seems so poor, even I might be interested."
"He was very sweet," Kasumi agreed, "and polite, too. That's not something that you see very often these days."
"I hate to ruin your boy-chasing, ladies, but Ranma informs me that Ryuunosuke is a girl," a voice from behind them said.
They all turned to see Genma Saotome standing in the doorway, looking rather grim.
"What?" Kasumi gasped. "But Ryu seemed so... well, boyish!"
"No way!" Nabiki exclaimed. "You're pulling my leg, right?
"Now, now, girls. If there's anything at all I've learned in the last year, it's that nothing should be taken at face value in this town," Soun remarked.
After thinking about it for a second, Kasumi said, "Well, I suppose there is Ranma, Mr. Saotome, Ukyo, Tsubasa, Shampoo, Pantyhose Taro..."
"Okay, okay; I concede the point," Nabiki said, rolling her eyes. Turning toward Genma, she smirked and remarked, "You know, you didn't take a very long nap, Mr. Saotome. Have trouble sleeping?"
Genma didn't bother replying; he had much bigger worries.
"It's all well and good for her to laugh," he thought nervously. "She doesn't know what I know. Crap... I hope the boy is in a good mood."
-------------------
"What a cute couple..." an old woman mumbled to herself as she glanced down the street.
Not too far away, a busty girl with her hair in a pigtail was walking alongside a handsome young "man" with short, black hair.
As they walked by, she smiled and murmured, "Ah, to be young again..."
"Damn it..." Ranma thought, blushing after hearing the remark. "It doesn't take anything to start rumors around here..."
"So, where are we going first?" Ryu asked, snapping the annoyed redhead back to reality.
"Oh, um... well, first thing is for you to change clothes, so I guess we're going to your tent," Ranma informed her.
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Ryu asked defensively. "I mean, I know they aren't high-dollar duds, but--"
"We're going clothes shopping," Ranma blurted, stopping.
"Wha--? You mean... we're going to buy a dress or somethin'?" Ryu asked hopefully.
"Yeah, something like that," Ranma answered. "I figure the first step to acting like a normal girl should be dressing like one. On a related note, I don't suppose you have any money?"
At these words Ryu's emotional level plummeted. Hanging her head, she muttered, "I... I only have five yen. I don't think that'll help, though..."
"Hey, don't worry about it!" Ranma said, patting her on the shoulder. "I figured that might be the case, so I brought along some money I've been putting back."
"Y-you mean you'll buy it for me?" Ryu gasped, elated. "Geez, man... thanks!"
"Ah, don't mention it. I'm feelin' pretty generous today," Ranma said, shrugging it off. While Ranma was nearly as far below the poverty line as Ryuunosuke most of the time, he had never spent the money he earned while serving as a waitress at the Cat Cafe. It wasn't a fortune by any means, but it ought to cover whatever purchases they were about to make.
"Still... why do I need to change clothes?" Ryu asked. "It ain't like the rest of my wardrobe is any girlier than this."
"Maybe so," Ranma replied, "but before we go shopping for women's clothing, you might want to ditch the chest wrap and pick out a shirt that doesn't have the word 'man' sewn on the back. Might make you look a little weird, ya know?"
"Umm... yeah," Ryu mumbled, her face turning bright red. "Point taken."
-------------------
The manly-girl and girly-man soon found themselves standing in front of Nerima's local mall. Being a weekend, it was really packed with people, many of them Ranma's schoolmates. The two stood motionless like an island amidst the sea of people coming in and out of the sliding doors.
"Well, here were are," Ranma said, staring up at the large building. "Akane and Nabiki usually buy their clothes from here, so it ought to be a good place to look."
She was just about to walk inside when Ryuunosuke grabbed her by the arm, yanking her backwards.
Ranma whipped toward Ryu, growling "What'd ya do that..."
The words died on Ranma's lips as she saw the terrified expression on Ryu's face. Her grip was cold and clammy, her skin was stark white, and she was shivering noticeably; in short, Ryu was nearly petrified with fear.
"T-the hell's the matter with you?" Ryu gasped. "Don't you know what that place is?"
Confused beyond all manner of words, Ranma was only able to muster a blank stare in reply.
"Geez, you mean you don't know?" Ryu asked, exasperated. "It's a mall, for cryin' out loud! I remember my old man tellin' me about them..."
Ten years ago...
"Daddy, what is that building?" a tiny Ryuunosuke asked. "Those girls going inside sure look happy. Is there candy in there?"
"No, my son. Hurry; let us leave this terrible place!" her father answered, pulling her away by the arm.
Once they had put a fair amount of distance between them and the building, Mr. Fujinami sat Ryu down on his lap and said, "Now, listen closely, Ryuunosuke. That horrible building we just left is called a 'maul'. It is an awful place run by evil bandits. They lure boys and girls inside with toys, candy, and nice clothes, but once they get inside, they are robbed, beaten, and killed. Please, promise me you'll never go near that terrible place again."
"N-no, never!" Ryu shook her head violently.
Present day...
"And that's the story about malls," Ryu concluded. Noticing an enormous sweatdrop on the side of Ranma's face, she asked, "W-what? I'm right, aren't I?"
After a few seconds of awkward silence, Ranma said, "Your dad is really full of crap, did ya know that?
"You... you mean it ain't full of robbers?" Ryu asked, shocked.
"Ryu, I've been inside a mall dozens of times," Ranma told her flatly. "Do I look dead to you? It's nothing but a bunch of everyday, ordinary stores all packed together in one building."
Ryuunosuke's facial expression was a blank at first, but it quickly turned to one of seething anger.
"Anything to keep me from acting like a normal chick, eh, old man? GRRRRR...The next time I see you, you're gonna get it!" she roared, raising a fist toward the heavens.
Needless to say, this little outburst provoked quite a few puzzled stares. Realizing that everyone within 100 feet was staring at her, Ryu whirled around, snarling, "Whaddya think you're looking at?"
"Uh... well, 'live and learn' and all that, right?" Ranma said, chuckling nervously as the crowd melted away. Turning serious, she said, "All right, Ryu; enough time wasted. Let's get goin'."
"Right..." she mumbled, following Ranma through the glass doors. Once inside, Ryu could barely believe her eyes. In all her life, she had never seen so much for sale in one place. From the extravagant store displays to the crowds of well-to-do mall rats to riding on the escalator, all of it was new, different, and exciting to Ryuunosuke Fujinami. In fact, it was all she could do to tear herself away from it all in order to keep following Ranma. Finally, they reached their destination: a small, reasonably-priced clothing outlet called "Asami's Hot Styles".
"Okay, this is it," Ranma informed her as they stepped inside. "Oh, yeah! Before we get started, do you know what sizes of clothing you wear? In women's, I mean?"
Scratching her head in embarassment, Ryu whispered, "Eh... only in panties. Even Dad has enough sense to know that briefs would look pretty ridiculous on me."
"Um... yeah," Ranma replied, brushing aside the curious mental image. "Well then, since you don't know what sizes to look for, what are your measurements? That ought to give us something to work with."
"My... what?" Ryu asked, a blank expression on her face.
It took every last drop of Ranma's mental restraint to avoid a massive faceplant. Was this girl for real? One quick glance at Ryu's puzzled expression was enough to confirm that she indeed had no earthly idea what he was talking about. After a deep sigh, Ranma cupped her hand to Ryu's ear and whispered an explanation.
"Oh, t-that..." Ryu murmured, flushing red for a moment. "Sorry. 'Fraid I haven't the faintest clue what they are."
"Well, it can't be helped, I guess," Ranma said. Noticing Ryu's gloominess, she quickly assured her, "Hey, no biggie! It's nothing that can't be fixed. Stay here; I'll be right back."
As Ranma ran off to find a clerk, Ryu scanned the store and couldn't help but gawk at all of the fancy dresses and blouses on display. Her heart racing, she thought, "I... I've been waiting my whole life for this day. Today, I'm really gonna do it! I'm finally gonna wear women's clothes!"
"Hey! Ryu!" Ranma said, bringing Ryuunosuke back from la-la land. With a smirk, she held up a tape measurer and size chart.
"Let's hit the changing rooms, shall we?"
-------------------
Ranma was pacing back and forth in front of the changing room, stopping every now and again to cast an impatient glance at the door.
"Ryu, you almost done?" she called. "We've still got a lot of other stuff to do today!"
"Yeah, yeah; keep your shirt on!" Ryu answered. "Cut me some slack. I've never done this before, so I'm not exactly sure where you measure..."
Rolling her eyes, Ranma thought, "For Pete's sake! Even I know that, and I'm a guy!"
"It ain't that complicated," Ranma sighed as she absent-mindedly opened the door. "All you gotta do is--EEP!"
Ranma's blue eyes became wide as saucers as she realized that she had made a serious mistake. Ryu was standing topless in the middle of the changing room, the tape measurer draped over her shoulder. She quickly raised an arm to cover her exposed torso, dropping the tape measurer on the floor. Ryu's eyes narrowed in anger, and her free hand balled up into a fist.
Gulping loudly, Ranma stammered, "I-I-I didn't m-mean--"
"GET OUT!" Ryu bellowed, sending Ranma flying with a particularly nasty right hook.
After her brief flight, Ranma managed to skid to a stop just in time to avoid bowling over another customer.
"Heh, heh. Sorry 'bout that," she apologized, hopping to her feet and dusting herself off. Venturing cautiously back toward the changing room, she halted a few feet away from the door.
"Er... Ryu? Can I come in?" Ranma whispered cautiously, half-expecting to be bombarded by flying objects.
To her surprise, Ryu merely replied, "Yeah, come in."
Opening the door slowly, Ranma peeked inside just in time to see Ryu finish buttoning up her shirt.
Eyes on her shoes, Ranma mumbled, "Um... That is... Sorry 'bout that, Ryu. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. It really was an accident, no fibs."
"Well, everyone makes mistakes," Ryu said off-handedly. "I'll consider that time a fluke. If it happens again, though..."
The "knife-across-the-neck" motion Ryu made finished her sentence for her. Sweating noticeably, Ranma said, "Trust me; I'll behave from now on. Hahaha!"
"See that ya do," Ryu retorted. "Now, what was it you were going to tell me a minute ago?"
"Oh, right," Ranma said, nodding. "Almost forgot."
To Ryu's surprise and discomfort, the well-endowed redhead began removing her shirt. Stepping backwards, Ryu demanded, "W-what the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Showing you how to get your measurements," Ranma replied nonchalantly. "You said you didn't know how, right?"
Ryu gave a reluctant nod, then watched with slight embarassment as Ranma picked up the tape and demonstrated.
"See? For the bust, you go 'around chest, over nipple', just like the name says. Then you measure around the waist and do the same thing for the hip. Nothin' to it," she concluded.
Her job done, Ranma slipped her shirt back on, buttoned it, and was just about to go out the door when Ryu called out, "Hey, Ranma!"
Turning, she said, "Yeah?"
"... Grow a little feminine modesty, would ya?" Ryu muttered, blushing slightly.
Ranma just laughed. "Ain't any reason for a guy to have 'feminine modesty', Ryu. Come out as soon as you're done, okay?"
After she shut the door, Ryu mumbled under her breath, "Damn... his are bigger."
-------------------
Once Ryu was finished in the changing room, she and Ranma compared the numbers to the size chart and wrote the results down. Now that they finally knew what sizes to look for, Ranma and Ryuunosuke were ready to shop... or so they thought. Standing silently in the middle of the store, the two suddenly realized that there was one more obstacle they had to overcome.
"Uh... Ranma?" Ryu asked, sweatdropping. "What kind of clothes should we look for?"
"I... um... heh heh heh. Good question," Ranma replied, also sweatdropping.
"Wha... Whaddya mean, 'good question'?" Ryu shouted angrily. "You're supposed to be the expert here!"
"Shopping for women's clothing ain't my favorite pastime, all right?" Ranma spat back. "Just... gimme a second."
Closing his eyes, Ranma thought, "Okay, man. This ain't that hard. Just try to ask yourself, 'What would Akane be drooling over if she were here?' After all, she might be a tomboy, but she does dress sharp."
After concentrating for about thirty seconds, Ranma suddenly blurted out, "SALE! We need to look for a sale!"
"Okay, now we're gettin' somewhere!" Ryu exclaimed, relieved that Ranma's much-neglected feminine side was starting to pull through. Pointing, she said, "Over there! There's a big sign that says 'sale' near the corner. Let's go!"
Ryu was about to make a beeline to the sales section when Ranma grabbed her hand.
"Whoa, hold on just a second," she grunted, pulling Ryu backwards. "Let's have a plan. You go find a pair or two of girls' blue jeans, and I'll find a couple of blouses. Sound good?"
"Jeans?" Ryu whined, disappointed. "I thought we were going to buy a dress!"
"Sorry, but the ones here are way outta our price range," Ranma informed her. "Besides, you're gonna have enough to deal with in this 'womanhood training' without having to get used to a completely new type of clothes. Girls' jeans fit differently than the ones guys wear, if it makes you feel any better."
"I guess so..." she sighed. "Okay, then; blue jeans it is."
With that settled, the two girls (sort of...) walked over to the sales section and began their search, Ryu browsing the jeans and Ranma inspecting the blouses. The heir to the Saotome school became so immersed in her job that she soon lost sight of Ryu. As she had acknowledged earlier, choosing a feminine wardrobe was not Ranma's strong point, so she had to concentrate especially hard in an effort to pick something that would look good on Ryu.
"Nah, too loud... too small... too big... too... TRANSPARENT?"
Ranma cracked up as she held the tiny blouse up to the light. Still giggling, she said, "Y'know, I'd love to see the look on Ryu's face if I handed her this! Better not, though. I already risked death once today in the changing room; there ain't no reason to tempt fate."
"Hey, Ranma! C'mere a sec, wouldja?" Ryu called. The pigtailed girl hastily hung the blouse back on the hanger and rushed over to the source of the voice. When Ranma rounded the corner, she found herself face to face with a rather annoyed-looking Ryuunosuke.
"Uh, oh... What is she mad about now?" Ranma thought nervously.
"Ranma, I think that size chart is bogus," she said.
"What do you mean?" the pigtailed girl asked, curious as to what the problem could be.
"Well, take a look," Ryu mumbled, tugging at her belt loop. "These things are supposed to be my size, but look how tight they are. If I so much as bend over, I think they'll pop!"
"Um, Ryu... Those are called 'hip-huggers'. They're supposed to fit like that," Ranma replied, sweatdropping.
"You mean someone would actually want to squeeze into something this tight?" Ryu asked, incredulous. Ranma gave an affirmative nod.
"Huh. Well, howsabout these?" she said, holding up another pair. "They're my size, too, but they're too short. See? They stop right above my ankles."
"Hahaha... that's a style, too," Ranma chuckled, pulling off an ultra-rare "double sweatdrop".
"Oh. Heh, heh. You don't say..." Ryu muttered, obviously embarassed. "I guess I still have a lot to learn about what girls like to wear. I do know one thing, though: this store oughta be closed down for trying to pass off used jeans as brand-new."
"Used? What makes you say that?" Ranma queried.
"Well, I don't know what else you'd call these..." Ryu muttered, gesturing at two mannequins behind her. "Some joker took a pair of scissors to this first one; look how much they're torn! As for the second, you know how jeans get faded in places that get rubbed often? Well... some girl must have had a really frisky boyfriend to get the bottom THAT faded."
"I just can't figure out why they would actually display such crappy clothes..." Ryu pondered, staring at the dummies. "What do you think, Ranma?"
Turning around, she saw that Ranma was grinning ear-to-ear, biting her bottom lip, and trying desperately to suppress a storm of giggles. Raising her eyebrows in disbelief, Ryu exclaimed, "Don't tell me that those are..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ranma erupted into peals of laughter. Tears running down her face, she stammered, "I-I'm sorry; I'm not (haha!) trying to make f-fun of you or nothin'. It's just (hahaha! cough! cough!) I just n-never thought about it that way! Hahaha!"
Walking over and patting the red-faced Ryu on the back, she took a deep breath, smiled, and said, "Aw, don't feel bad. I can't figure out why girls like that stuff, either. Here, I'll help you find some normal jeans."
-------------------
"Well... whaddya think?" Ranma asked.
"Heh, heh. I like it!" Ryu beamed, staring down at her new slacks. "These fit a little tighter than what I'm used to, but they feel pretty good. They follow the curves and everything... I'll take 'em!"
"Okay! That's one thing accomplished..." Ranma murmured, grabbing two pairs. "Now, if you'll follow me for a sec, I'll show you two blouses I found that I think you might like."
Leaving "denim hell", Ranma led Ryu to where the afore-mentioned blouses were hanging. Both were nice, albeit plain: the first was short-sleeved and red and the second was long-sleeved and dark green. Not surprisingly, both met with immediate approval from the long-suffering cross-dresser. (The poor gal was so eager to try on women's clothing by this point that almost anything would have worked.) Upon getting to the checkout, however, Ryuunosuke received a rather rude shock...
"Let's see..." the cashier muttered, scanning the price tags. "Two blouses and two pairs of jeans, all on sale... that comes to a grand total of 3,000 yen."
"3,000 yen? Are you yankin' my crank?" Ryu screamed, looking like she was about to die of massive heart failure.
"N-no, ma'am!" the startled cashier replied. "That's the price, all right..."
Looking utterly defeated, Ryu turned toward Ranma and said, "Look, man... I appreciate your offer to pay for my new clothes, but we have to put some of it back. Even on sale, this stuff costs a freakin' fortune!" (NOTE: At the time of this writing, 3,000 yen equals about 27 U.S. dollars)
"Don't worry about it!" Ranma reassured her. "Yeah, it's kinda pricey, but I still have a fair amount left. Besides, we did pretty darn good to get all of these clothes for this cheap."
"Well, I'll be... Who knew he was so rich?" Ryu thought as she watched him fork over his hard-earned yen.
Within a few moments, Ranma and Ryuunosuke walked out of the store, bags in hand. Ranma was simply relieved to be leaving the clothing store; shopping was always an exercise in patience for the younger Saotome, and (in her mind) they couldn't have left a moment too soon. Ryu, on the other hand, was nearly beside herself with excitement at the prospect of trying on her new wardrobe.
"Whoohoo!" she crowed. "I can't believe that I finally got my hands on some women's duds! You have no idea how long I've been waitin' for this day, dude! Man, as soon as I get back to the tent, I'm tryin' on the jeans and the blouse and--"
Ryu suddenly halted in the middle of the mall, dropped her bag, and slapped her face.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Ranma asked, picking up her dropped bag.
"Dammit... Ranma, we forgot to buy a bra!" she growled. "The one thing I needed most, too..."
"We ain't buying one," Ranma flatly stated. "They weren't on sale, and I can't afford the regular price."
"Oh... I see..." Ryu sighed dejectedly.
Noticing Ryu's crestfallen expression, Ranma quickly added, "But that doesn't mean we're not getting one. Y'see, I know a place where you can have as many as you can carry, absolutely free!"
"F-f-free?" Ryu stammered excitedly. The last time she had tried to buy a brassiere, she had saved a full month and was still unable to afford one! Could there really be a place where they were free for the taking?
"Where?" she demanded, grabbing Ranma by the shoulders. "You wouldn't joke about somethin' like this, would you?"
"No, no joke at all," Ranma insisted. "As for where... uh... well, you'll see when we get there."
-------------------
That morning in Tomobiki...
"Akane! Wait up!" Shinobu panted, chasing after the swift tomboy. "Does she run track or something?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry!" Akane apologized, slowing down. "I just can't get used to being on time! At home, it seems like Ranma and I are always late."
"Ranma... that's your fiance, right?" Shinobu said. "You know, he sounds a little cute. It's too bad that he's a machoistic, pig-headed, rude, stupid, half-perverted loser."
"Heh, heh..." Akane chuckled, sweatdropping. "Did I say all that?"
"Oh, yeah. That and about 3 minutes more of stuff I won't repeat in public," Shinobu remarked, amused. "Now, be honest: is he really that bad?"
"Well... not always," Akane admitted. "Trust me when I say that he's a real exercise in patience, though. Have you caught your breath?"
Shinobu couldn't help but giggle. "Hahaha! You caught me! Yeah, I was stalling for time, but I'm ready now. Let's go."
"Ahem... 'Scuse me."
Turning around, Akane's eyes narrowed when she discovered that the voice belonged to Ataru Moroboshi. Upon receiving her death glare, he quickly averted his eyes (placing them instead on a group of female joggers who were passing by). However, the alien girl standing beside him wasn't about to let him weasel out of this.
"Darling!" Lum prodded him, physically directing his head toward Akane. "Isn't there something you wanted to say to her?"
"Um... nice weather we're having, isn't it?"
"DARLING!"
"Okay, okay!" he whimpered, pushing her sparking finger away from his face. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. Sakura said I really embarassed you, and I apologize. I didn't mean anything by it, and I'll be good from now on."
"Now, see there? You can be a nice guy when you put your mind to it," Shinobu said, beaming at him. "All you have to do is control your animal instinct. With a raging libido like yours, though, I can see how that would be hard."
"Shinobu! I knew you'd understand!" he yelled happily, glomping her.
WHAM!
"Men be damned!" Shinobu screeched as Ataru flew out of sight. Cupping her hands, she shouted after him, "You'll never change, will you, Ataru? It's stuff like this that made me break up with you in the first place!"
Realizing that he was probably out of earshot, she growled, "I've had enough of this. See you two at school."
"Shinobu, wait!" Akane called, but her tempermental compadre kept walking.
Lum shook her head. "You know, Shinobu says she's over Darling, but sometimes I wonder..."
"Could it be?" Akane wondered. "That would explain her bad mood. Poor Shinobu... stuck on Happosai's teenaged equivalent! Still, we could be wrong..."
"Oh, well... Hey, do you want to walk with me to school?" Lum asked, interrupting Akane's thoughts.
"Uh, sure," Akane replied. "But what about your boyfriend? Is he going to be okay?"
Elated at being called Ataru's girlfriend, the pretty Oni bubbled, "Oh, Darling is used to it! He'll probably be wating for us at school. By the way..."
"My name is Lum. Pleased to meet'cha!"
END OF CHAPTER 3
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Howdy. Sorry about taking, y'know, a whole friggin' year to update (in direct violation of my promise at the bottom of chapter 2)! I really should learn to keep my big mouth shut when it comes to deadlines... I had actually given up writing this fic and planned on leaving it unfinished, but emails from several perturbed readers convinced me to give it another go. Just leave it on "story alert", and with any luck, I'll finish this sucker eventually.
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this installment; please let me know via review. I wish you all a very merry Christmas!