Chapter 4: Why, Daddy?

As my eyes slowly opened, I focused in on one particular face. Dean stood over me with tears pooling in his eyes. I could tell by the tight clench of his jaws that he was using every fiber of his being to keep them from spilling over onto his face, and his face could not mask the strain of fear that was written there. I knew that Dean had been internally chastising himself for allowing me to get hurt during our physical training session, but I also knew that it was not by any fault of his; it had simply been an accident. I hoped that I would eventually be able to convince him of this and absolve him from any guilt that he was feeling.

Sam stood on my other side, staring intently at my face. I could see concern on his face as well, but not the gut-wrenching guilt that was evidenced by Dean's expression. I knew that by Sam's very analytical nature, he would have already categorized this event as an accident that could have happened to any of us. If anything, Sam would have placed any blame squarely upon Dad's shoulders for requiring us to do such intensive training in the first place. I was glad that Sam could look at things so pragmatically, because at least I only had one brother that needed help releasing himself from any guilt. I would have my hands full helping Dean forgive himself for something over which he had no control.

My eyes began to look around the room? I was still having a difficult time processing information in my drug-induced mind-fog, but I immediately sensed that there was something missing. Slowly, a face began to materialize in front of my eyes, but then I realized that the face was just an illusion. Daddy? Where was my dad?

"Daddy? Where's Daddy? Dean? Sam? Where is Daddy?"

"Relax, Baby. It's ok. Dad had to leave for a while. He'll be back before too long", replied Dean.

"Dean, where did he go? Why isn't he here?"

"He was here the whole time you were in surgery. He was very worried about you. I don't remember when I've ever seen him so worried. I tell you he was ready to rip me a new one, but he was too worried to leave you alone. He just said, 'You wait till we get home.' Boy, I knew he was scared silly about your hand and having to have surgery. He finally relaxed a little bit when the nurse came and told us you were out of surgery and doing fine."

I couldn't believe that Dean had said so much in one breath. He hardly ever talked that much or that fast. I could tell that he was hiding something from me by the way that he was rambling on and on, and by the fact that he would not look at me while he was talking. With all that he had said, he still hadn't answered my question.

"Dean, where is Dad?"

"Well, you know how Dad is with work and all. He said that since he knew you were ok, and since Sam and I could take care of you as well as anyone; he might as well get back on the job. He left just a few minutes ago, really. He said he would be back before you even realized that he was gone, and definitely before you were released from the hospital."

Dean stopped talking finally, and looked at my face. He could see the disappointment and fear that was there. My heart was broken. How could he? How could my father, my only living parent, abandon me at the hospital? Didn't he know how afraid I would be? Didn't he realize that I would need the security that only a daddy can provide? Didn't he care? That had to be it! He didn't care at all! To him, I was only a burden. A child too young to hunt, and therefore, I was no good for him. I was only in the way.

Dean immediately sensed my thoughts and began to try to control my fears. "Hey, it will be ok. Sam and I will be here the whole time. It will be fun. No school or homework, and we can play games and watch t.v. the whole time. The nurse even said that she could set up some video games if we want. Doesn't that sound great, almost like a mini-vacation?"

I appreciated what Dean was trying to do, and I gave him the best smile that I could accomplish. "Yeah Dean, that will be great! I'm glad that you and Sam will be here with me. I've never stayed away from you all at night before. I think that I would be really scared if you weren't here. Thanks again, boys. You two are the best brothers that a girl could ever hope for. I love you."

"We love you too, but that's enough of all the mushy stuff. We have to go out into the lobby now. The nurse said that we couldn't stay longer than ten minutes. You need to rest up after your surgery, but if you need us just get her to call out to the waiting room. We aren't going anywhere!"

"Do you really have to go? Can't you just stay here in the room with me? Please?"

"Not this time, Squirt. She said that we could come back in a little later after they have had a chance to monitor you for a while. I promise, as soon as they say we can come back in, we'll be here quicker than you can say Rumpelstiltskin. Come on, give me that beautiful smile of yours! That's it! We'll be back really soon."

I watched as Sam and Dean walked out of the room, giving me one last wave and a wink. I smiled until they had disappeared around the corner, and then one lone tear escaped from my eye and rolled down my cheek. I was lonely and scared. I turned my face toward the wall and sobbed. "Daddy, Why? Why did you leave me here? Daddy!"

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