Chapter 35 – Rosalie – Going Back

"I think we should leave for Rochester on Friday," Emmett said to me thoughtfully.

I dropped the piece of straw I'd been using to tease the black and grey striped Emmett kitten. "What?"

"I think we should leave on Friday," Emmett repeated.

"Why?" The kitten, obviously not ready to stop playing, pounced on my fingers since I had no straw, and I snatched my hand away.

"We have to go at some point." Emmett scratched the kitten behind the ears and it immediately began to purr. It wasn't only horses that responded to Emmett, all animals seemed to be magnetically attracted to him.

"But…did you mean this Friday?"

Emmett nodded. "I don't want to leave it too long. When that lawyer came he was pretty clear that Royce would want the baby once it came, and he would know it must have been born by now. I'd rather not be caught off-guard by him turning up on my doorstep with some legal papers that say he can take him."

I looked uneasily around the yard. The leaves were beginning to turn, the summer harvests were all in, and the nights were beginning to cool. It would be obvious even to Royce that the baby, due late summer, must have been born. "He can't do that."

"We don't know if he can or not," Emmett said honestly. "And like I said…I don't want to find out by him appearing in the yard one day with papers. I think that we might be better off if we go to him. At best we'll catch him off-guard, at worst…well, we're no worse off than we are now."

"Why Friday?"

"Well, it gives us a couple of days to get ready. We don't know how long we're going to be gone, so we'll have to take all Jem's clothes and diapers and things, as well as our things. Also, if we leave on Friday then all going to plan we'll hit Rochester on Sunday and can start business on Monday," Emmett said reasonably.

It made sense, but that didn't mean I wanted to do it. I felt so safe here in Tennessee. I didn't want to go back to New York, back to Royce's reach. I didn't want to take my baby Jem to a place that seemed fraught with dangers in my mind.

"What do you think?" Emmett persisted.

"It's probably for the best," I murmured. I looked anxiously out into the yard, where Elizabeth and Maggie were walking Jem in the enormous old pram that Mr McCarty had found at an estate sale. "It would be nice to feel that Jem's future here is settled."

"Not just Jem's future either," Emmett said with a grin, reaching across to caress my cheek. "My future too…because there's a beautiful girl I want to marry, but first we need to mess around getting a little piece of paper saying that it's okay."

I smiled at him and shifted a little closer. "I love you."

"I love you too. I know that you're not looking forward to going to Rochester, and I'm not really looking forward to it either, but we have to. We may as well get it out of the way so that we can really start building our future."

I knew Emmett was right, and so we began preparing for our trip. We packed our clothes, Jem's clothes and diapers and blankets, and even packed a picnic basket full of food and drinks so that we wouldn't have to buy everything along the way. I rechecked the work I'd done on the car, satisfied that the elderly vehicle was in the best shape that it could possibly be.

"We're going to miss you all," Miss Adeline said on the last evening. We were all enjoying a balmy fall twilight out on the porch, Miss Adeline cuddling a sleeping Jem while Mr McCarty enjoyed a quiet whisky and cigarette.

"We're not moving away," Emmett said a little impatiently. "We'll be back as soon as we can."

"I know," his mother sighed. "But we don't know how long these things are going to take. And this dear little thing is growing and changing so quickly!"

That was certainly true. At two months old Jem had filled out and was plump and kissable and adorable, and seemed to be gaining more personality every day. He had started smiling a gummy, charming grin and his eyes continued to grow darker. Everyone in the family adored him.

"I sold one of the calves," Mr McCarty said. "I thought it might help you a little, to have some money in reserve."

"Aw Pa, thanks," Emmett said. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but we want to help out in any way we can," Mr McCarty replied. "It's not a lot of money, but take it with you anyway." He grinned at me. "Consider it payment for all the milking you've done since I taught you, Rosalie!"

I laughed. After being taught how to milk when Emmett was recovering after the bear attack, I had been astonished to find that I took to it. I didn't do it every day, but there was something so relaxing about going out to the barn and dealing with the quiet cows. I loved sitting by them, resting my head against the warm, hairy hides and listening to the swishing sound of the milk hitting the bucket. Besides, I'd also learned to love the warm, fresh milk and I always liberally rewarded myself with it when I did the milking.

"She's becoming as backcountry as the rest of us," Emmett said proudly. "Look at all the things she's learned to do since she came here."

I nudged his arm. "Oh, stop it." But secretly I was pleased, because in truth I had learned many things during my time in Tennessee, and milking was only one of them. I had learned to swim, to fix cars, to bathe in a tin tub and ignore spiders in the outhouse. I'd learned that what other people thought of me didn't always have to matter, and that there are some things that matter more than pretty.

More than anything, I had learned about love. Love for the family who had taken me in and given me a place to belong. Love for Emmett, who had saved me from a nightmare and set me free. Love for the little baby who had been born from a nightmare and yet fulfilled a dream. I had learned about love that was open and unselfish and always, always enough.

Lying beside me, Jem nursed with blissful concentration, one hand clutching a fistful of my hair and the other tucked away between us. I stroked the dark hair that had continued to grow in wild disarray over his head and tucked the blanket up to his shoulders. I loved his last feed of the evening, when I would take him into bed and the two of us would curl up together while he nursed himself to sleep.

"How is he going?" Emmett said quietly, entering the bedroom and closing the door behind him.

"He's nearly asleep," I said, watching the baby's heavy lids finally close. Only a few moments later his hands relaxed enough that I could release my hair from his grip and sit up, rearranging my nightgown into some semblance of modesty. Jem rolled on to his back, snoring.

With a tenderness that I never tired of watching, Emmett lifted Jem and placed him in his crib. "Goodnight little buddy," he whispered, before kissing his fingertips and touching them to the baby's cheek.

Emmett's shirt was half unbuttoned, and I could see the way the scars stood out, twisted and ridged, and a livid red and purple colour against the tan of the rest of him. They were harsh and ugly, but I loved them as a tangible sign of Emmett's strength and bravery, and had never come to think of them as a flaw.

"What are you looking at?" Emmett raised a quizzical eyebrow.

I shrugged. "Just your scars…thinking how glad I am that you're still here."

"It'll take more than a bear to do me in," Emmett said cheerfully. He hesitated for a moment, looking down at me in bed, and then indicated the pillow next to me. "Okay if I…?"

I nodded and scooted over a little to make room for Emmett, who lay down beside me and wrapped his arms around me with a sigh. I tucked my head down onto his shoulder, where it seemed to fit just so perfectly, and stroked the lines of his scars through the shirt with my fingertips.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Oh, angel girl!" Emmett almost squeezed the breath out of me. "I don't even know how to tell you how much I love you."

"Is something wrong?" I ventured a moment later, a little disturbed by the tight, tense way that Emmett's arms were gripping me.

The pause was so long that I wasn't sure he was even going to answer, but finally Emmett relaxed his arms and kissed my head and whispered hoarsely, "Please don't let this be different in New York."

"Let what be different?" I asked, bewildered. "What do you mean?"

"This," Emmett said, tipping my face up and kissing my lips. "You and I, and what there is between us." He kissed me again, harder this time. "I don't want that to change."

"It won't," I said, returning his kisses. "Why would it? You mean everything to me."

"Yeah…you can say that here," Emmett said soberly. "But things are different in Rochester. You're someone important and I'm just nobody. You've grown up a lady and I was your chauffeur, and going back there you're going to be reminded of that."

I tried to shake my head, but Emmett just smiled at me a little sadly. "We'll go back and you'll see what you used to have and remember who you used to be. People are going to look at us and we're going to be judged. They'll judge you for slumming it, and think of me as a gold digger or worse, and I guess I'm scared that it will matter to you."

"It won't," I said certainly. "I'm not like I used to be Emmett, you know that."

"But what about if it's not just strangers?" he persisted. "What about if it's your parents? You realise they might well refuse to let me in their house right?

"Oh, surely not!" I exclaimed, shocked at the idea.

"Well…possibly!" Emmett returned. "Look at it from their point of view. You were married to King and had everything in the world at your fingertips, and then you ran away with a lowly chauffeur- gardener- handyman. Who is currently unemployed and mostly sleeping on his parents' sofa…this is nothing at all like what they wanted for you Rosalie." He sounded sad.

"I don't care." I pushed myself closer to him and looked him fiercely in the face. "As you said, I had it all and it wasn't enough. And now I have you, and you're everything I want in the world. Here in Tennessee, there in New York…anywhere. It doesn't matter Emmett, it's always going to be you and I, and nothing anyone else can say is going to make any difference. We'll go to Rochester together, we'll do what we have to do, and we'll come home again still together. I promise."

Wrapped in each other's arms, we fell asleep.

Jem's wails woke me in the dawn light. Emmett was gone, his place taken by Elizabeth who woke up as I settled back in bed with the baby, who was waving furious fists about and making desperate lunges at my breast. The noise cut off abruptly as he found the nipple.

"Is it today that you're going to New York?" Elizabeth asked.

I nodded. "We're going to leave after breakfast."

"You are coming back though, aren't you?" Elizabeth said anxiously. "You're not going away forever?"

"We're only going to New York for a short while, you know that," I said patiently, adjusting Jem as he greedily sucked down milk.

"Maggie says if she went to New York she would never come home again," Elizabeth said.

"Well, that's Maggie," I said. "Emmett and I just have to go to New York for a little while, to sort out some things and then we'll be back. We don't want to live in New York again."

Elizabeth nodded morosely. "I wish you didn't have to take Jem with you. I could look after him."

I laughed as I held him upright and patted his back, waiting for the long rolling burp. "He might get pretty hungry if I wasn't here," I said to her, tucking my clothes back into order. "But don't worry Elizabeth. He'll miss you, and we'll be home as soon as we can." I had no desire to linger any longer than strictly necessary in Rochester.

At her request I left the baby in bed with Elizabeth, who I knew was going to miss him terribly. She adored Jem, and was always willing to entertain him. In return she was one of his favourite people, and had been the first recipient of his wobbly early grins after me.

I dressed quickly and went into the kitchen, helping myself to some porridge from the pot. Through the window I saw Emmett packing a suitcase and a picnic basket into the car, and I guessed he had been up early, doing the milking and making last minute preparations. I poured some sugar across the top of the porridge and began eating.

"Make sure you write and let us know if there's news," Miss Adeline reminded me, sitting beside me with a cup of tea.

"Hopefully if there's news we'll just be on our way home," Emmett said, coming in with the door banging behind him. "Rosa girl, that's everything we need. Just cross your fingers that baby Jem doesn't get carsick."

Half an hour later everyone came out for farewell hugs and to wish us good luck. Even Mr McCarty delayed leaving for work until after he'd kissed me on the cheek, tickled Jem, and hugged Emmett, wishing us well and giving his own instructions about sending them news. But finally Emmett and I climbed into the car, which started with ease and soon had us bouncing down the potholed road, the family disappearing behind us in the distance. The last thing I saw was Elizabeth, Will and Stephen, running as hard as they could to keep up for as long as they could, waving a wild goodbye.