Kurt took a deep breath, standing outside the door to the guest room. He was aware of Karofsky looming over him from behind. He could feel the hatred mixed with a burning lust radiate off of him, strangling and taunting him. He hated this situation; he was convinced that Karofsky was Kurt's own weakness personified. He could do nothing to Karofsky, could not stop him, and could not say anything in his own defence. Sad really… The world makes a decision on his life before he even exists. The world sees his family, or lack of it, and immediately judges based on wealth. Had circumstances been different he could have been an influential person who may have cured many illnesses. The laws in place, however, had prevented this from being possible – because there was no equality. Because of his low status he could never afford school, and so the only job possible was to be a servant. Humans made the laws that caused suffering among their own kind, and it is humans that can help ease that suffering and allow their fellow humans a chance at life. Life may not always be kind, but it is made easier by the way some humans treat each other.
"Hurry up!" Snarled Karofsky, snapping Kurt out of his thoughts. The doors opened and Karofsky stepped into the room. Kurt gathered his composure and tilted his head up high. He forced himself into the room and reluctantly closed the door. The silence was back and even more suffocating than he had remembered. Kurt had continued to be Karofsky's servant for slightly less than a year after the kiss incident, and it had certainly been hard. After being thrown out several months before his sixteenth birthday Kurt had kept his father in the hospital, promising to pay the instalments as soon as his master paid him. Of course the doctors and nurses did not know that the payments were on hold until he could find work again.
"How have you been, lady?" Karofsky taunted, leaning against one of the walls. Kurt, who had been facing the door, now turned to Karofsky with a mask of indifference. "How's your dad?" The question was odd. Though it was painful and brought up tragic memories for Kurt, Karofsky seemed to be asking a genuine question – yet the sincerity could not be seen because of the tone he had chosen. The hurt and pain washed over Kurt, slapping the mask away and allowing the emotions to become visible.
"He's dead." He said flatly, proud of himself for not allowing his voice to shake. His glassy eyes shined with unshed tears. He regarded Karofsky, who looked stunned. "They allowed him to stay in the hospital but refused to treat him until I could pay them. I was fired by your father so I could not pay for several months." Once again the silence had returned. Kurt was wordlessly reconstructing his mask defiantly as Karofsky simply stared. For a moment there seemed to be pity in his eyes.
"Oh, man," He said quietly. "I'm sorry…" The only problem was that Karofsky was across the room and had spoken in a whisper. His lips were moving but Kurt could register no sound.
"Pardon?" He asked. Karofsky, who had almost let slip his show of remorse, quickly restored his own mask. The cruel smirk struck so many angry and miserable emotions within Kurt, who could only stand still and do nothing. His father was everything to him, especially after his mother died. He thought back to all the years he'd been a servant. With the exception of Karofsky's other servants, Kurt had made friends with every servant he had ever worked with. But because of the cruelty of his masters, he was forced to leave them. When hired by Mr Anderson he had wondered how long it would take before he was on the streets again… Maybe this would be coming recently considering that Karofsky was now here.
When given no answer, Kurt simply walked to the other side of the room and pulled back the curtains a little more. He attached them to the sides of the frame, allowing the light to flow into the room. He heard movement behind him, and without turning he knew that Karofsky had pushed off the wall and moved to stand behind him.
"Have you told anyone about what you did?" He asked darkly. Kurt closed his eyes in an attempt to fight off the demons of his mind that wanted nothing more than to force him to remember the incident. After a slow and deep breath he turned to him.
"I told no-one that you kissed me and proceeded to get me fired out of fear." He said simply. Karofsky's face turned red, although more from the memory of the kiss than anything else.
"You've gotten brave," He said darkly, his eyes locked on the boy before him. "You're daring to talk to me in such a way?" Kurt squared his shoulders.
"It is the only way you will understand." And with that Karofsky put his hands on Kurt's chest and shoved him back. Kurt tumbled onto the window seat behind him. Before he was allowed to get over the initial shock, Karofsky seized him by his shirt and slammed his back against the wall. He was held firmly in place as his eyes scrunched up in pain.
"Now," Karofsky started mockingly. He tightened his grip, his fists heavy against Kurt's chest. "Where's that bravery now?" He said nothing, he kept his mouth shut. "Well?" He was pulled from the wall and slammed into it again, a gasp escaping his lips involuntarily. The air rushed out of his lungs as he fought to gain it back. Karofsky sneered in sadistic pleasure at this.
I can't speak. I can't breathe. I can't do anything other than fight without words or violence. Stay silent, play the victim in pain. Karofsky likes it when I fight back, but I suffer less physical pain if I keep my mouth shut. My back hits the wall again.
His back hits the wall again, the pain is familiar.
I should have listened to myself. I shoved Karofsky away and now he has hit his head. I'm sure to be fired. Bravery isn't about violence or harsh words; it's about facing both those things without needing to use them. I hope to realise this in the future.
Kurt had learned from his mistakes. He wouldn't battle his way through this with violence, not when there was something to lose. He'd stay strong; he'd show him that he could not be broken. And so he endured, because he had too. Thankfully, Karofsky had grown bored at Kurt's lack of response. After being released Kurt waited in the room should his temporary master need anything. However the time he spent around Karofsky continued to get worse. He felt his courage slipping away as Karofsky's snide comments or actions seemed to amplify in Kurt's mind. He would invite Kurt to sit down and then ask him questions, questions he knew would provoke a reaction.
"You never went to school or had a teacher, did you?" The question felt ten times worse coming from him. He hated this kind of harassment – the kind that didn't seem like it to anyone else. It was the kind that seemed like casual conversation yet was coated in a hidden meaning. Karofsky was questioning his intelligence.
"I never went to school," He confirmed. "But my mother taught me what I needed to know." The answer was stiff.
"You think she'd be happy with how her precious little boy's life turned out?" It was situations like this where Kurt's confidence and bravery began to tarnish. His own fears spoken by someone else seemed like confirmation of a question he did not want answered. He had felt like his parents may be disappointed, so to hear this was hard. How could he answer? He had settled for less than he deserved in life because he had no choice. Or was this exactly what he deserved? Now he could not be sure. He'd lost control of his mind, and now he was unnerved.
"I can do this. What is the matter with me? Snap out of it!" He pleaded in his own mind.
"I mean, who would want someone as weak as you?" Karofsky pointed out with a casual wave of the hand. Kurt turned his eyes to him. They were facing each other, but were so close that their knees were almost touching. Karofsky chuckled and Kurt jumped to his feet – Karofsky following.
"I am not weak." He said firmly, feigning confidence. Karofsky stepped closer with raised eyebrows. He jabbed a finger on Kurt's chest, making the smaller boy freeze. Slowly the finger travelled down his torso, jabbing painfully. Kurt's eyes were wide, the rims of his eyes slowly turning red as though he was going to cry. He felt violated. He didn't want to be touched and Karofsky knew that. There were no boundaries. If this man enjoyed hurting him but also felt lust for him, then there was no telling how far he would go. Kurt remembered how Karofsky could do anything to him and no-one would care or believe him because he is a servant. Suddenly Karofsky seized the smaller man's shirt as his smirk grew.
"Yes you are," He said gravely. "Try and stop me." But he couldn't, and both of them knew that. After a moment Kurt was roughly released. "Get out of my sight, you're dismissed until tomorrow." Kurt shakily left the room, pausing outside of the room with his back against the wall.
Blaine knew something was wrong the second he saw Kurt. Kurt had a habit of tilting his head up whenever something brought him down, it was his way of convincing himself that he'd be fine. But now Blaine observed how Kurt's head was tilted down and his eyes were closed. As he got closer he noticed Kurt's hands were shaking as they lay flat against the wall behind him. Slowly he put a gentle and steady hand on Kurt's shoulder, which startled the boy. Kurt flinched violently and moved away, fearing that Karofsky's father had remembered him and come to find him. But upon seeing Blaine he relaxed.
"Kurt?" Blaine spoke slowly. "You look shaken. Did he hurt you?" Kurt's eyes were looking anywhere but him, and Blaine noticed this was for a reason.
"Don't," Blaine said firmly, catching Kurt's attention. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" Kurt asked hesitantly.
"You're trying to hide your emotions. You're going to insist you're fine and then walk away feeling awful on the inside." Blaine wanted nothing more than to kick Karofsky out of his home, and then comfort Kurt. It was ridiculous to let someone be so dehumanised just because of something out of their hands. Kurt just squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away. "Kurt, are you crying?" It shouldn't be a big deal that he was crying, he had cried in front of Blaine before. But it was hard, because the shame crushed him and Blaine's question had been the final blow. Once Blaine saw Kurt's shoulders shake he stepped forward and led him upstairs. Blaine opened the door to his own room and led Kurt inside, shutting the door behind them. He sat Kurt down. "Tell me what happened." Kurt did so, although it was hesitant and he left out the details regarding Karofsky's lust for him.
"I'm so weak," He spat. "I couldn't handle it."
"You're not weak, Kurt," Blaine said instantly as he knelt down in front of Kurt – who was slowly shrinking back into the chair he was sitting in. "It's normal to cry after something like this. Kurt, you've been strong for a long time – I've told you this before. You've always had courage." But Kurt just shook his head. Blaine looked at him and knew exactly how to communicate this message to him. Song. Kurt closed his eyes tightly against the tears, but Blaine knew he was listening because his quiet sobs had subsided. Slowly Kurt's eyes opened and shined with tears both old and new. He knew Kurt was in pain by the way he shuffled in his chair. Blaine took his hands but Kurt pulled them back slightly, his mind on what had happened with Karofsky. Blaine was slightly hurt by the action but he suspected that Kurt was still simply shaken. Kurt looked down and started wiping his eyes silently. He had wiped his eyes and face and looked as though he was going to protest to the lyrics of the song, but Blaine shook his head. Blaine gently and hesitantly took Kurt's hands and helped him stand up. Kurt watched him curiously as Blaine locked eyes with him. Kurt smiled softly as he listened to him. But a thought seemed to cross his mind and the smile slowly fell. He broke away from Blaine and turned towards the window and looked out. From behind him he could tell Blaine was singing in his direction still.
Kurt turned to face him again, the words speaking to him in a way that he hadn't expected. Blaine walked up to him. Blaine held out his hands and Kurt smiled as he held them. Kurt felt himself blush at that last line for some reason, but he didn't let go of Blaine's hands.
"You need to stop focussing on how others view you and the things you could have done but didn't," Blaine said calmly. "Focus on what you have done. You became independent way too early but still managed to survive. Everything you struggled through was for your dad, even if he isn't here anymore. You're strong because you make it through every day and still manage to carry a positive energy somehow. I mean, I can't help but feel happy when I'm around you." The smile was contagious. A new silence flooded the room, but it wasn't unwelcomed or unwanted. It was nice, it was peaceful. Blaine felt drawn to Kurt, and with this he leaned close and rested his lips against Kurt's. It was amazing. A love he had never felt before now filled his entire being as he felt Kurt kiss back. But then it ended. He stared at Kurt, who stared back. And then Kurt pulled away.
"I-I should go," He stuttered. "But thank you for the song, it meant more than you know." A flustered Kurt rushed to the door and out before he could be stopped. It was late now so only the servants would see him. He all but jumped down the steps leading to the basement as he entered the kitchen. He bumped into Mrs Amaro, quite literally. She must be done serving Mr Karofsky for the day.
"Kurt, honey?" She asked, blinking up at him. Kurt just hugged her tightly without thinking. He just needed someone who could fill a parental role for him, just for a moment. He was so lost and confused. He was scared but oddly happy by the kiss. In all of his years, all of the struggles and emotions, he had never experienced this. "It's going to be fine, love, I'm right here." She tenderly kissed his forehead. He pulled back after a while and admitted to her only what had happened with Karofsky – once again he left out the details surrounding the kiss. Mrs Amaro huffed angrily.
"That brat," She hissed. "Come on, dear, let me look at you." She took Kurt into the next room and got him to remove his shirt. She growled when she saw the bruises that painted his pale skin. She returned later with some ice. "Go lie down on your stomach and leave that on your back." He nodded and did so.
"Wait," He called before she left. "I know it is a lot to ask… But could you stay by my side, just for a moment?" Mrs Amaro gave him a warm smile as she sat by his bed side, gently stroking his hair in a motherly way.
"It is not a lot to ask. You're like the son I've always wanted," She cooed. "As long as I live and breathe you will always have someone to come back to after a long day." Kurt felt the smile begin to grow on his face as he closed his eyes.
"I know it's been a long day, sweetie, but now you can sleep. I'll be right beside you." The voice was musical. A smooth hand stroked his hair as his eyes slid closed. Elizabeth Hummel sat by his side and fell asleep beside her little boy.
Falling to sleep was something he had always dreaded as it meant the demons of his mind could torment him with nightmares. But this situation was so familiar. Falling to sleep this way made him feel like he had as a child, back before he had suffered the trauma of staring at his mother's lifeless body. He felt a warm glow in his chest that fought off his demons as he slept.
For anyone curious as to why the lyrics and quotes are no longer in this story, it is because I have re-read the terms of service and recognised that distributing chapters with this content is not allowed.