Yesterday actually happened. I don't know how, exactly, but it definitely happened. Just being there with Kurt, in that moment, it just felt so right. I can't imagine what must be running through his head right now, mainly because I'm not even sure what this now means. I've known for a while now that I'm gay, but with this day and age it isn't likely that I will be treated the same. This won't just be bad for me; this will affect my family too. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I just… I don't know. Just as life is difficult for Kurt being a servant, life is still difficult for people like me. No this isn't one of those 'rich people problems' or anything like that, it's about the importance of image – as fickle as it sounds. I have to play the role of the good little straight son who marries well to maintain financial security. I sigh and lean against the window, looking out at the morning sun as it rises – painting the sky a beautiful watery orange.
"Blaine," A voice sounds from behind me. I have to admit that I'm startled, because no-one knocked on the door. Turning I noticed the person to be my father. The door was now closed, and he did not look happy. "You have been acting different lately." He pointed out. I simply remained silent and allowed him to speak. He let the silence sit in the air like an unattended child before stepping forward. "You have been speaking out of turn before our guests, and even making friends with that servant boy."
"I fail to see the problem." I said boldly before I could stop myself. He raised an eyebrow. "The life of a servant is dehumanising and cruel. By befriending him I am helping him, I'm doing the right thing."
"You are being childish and naive." My father retorted with a short laugh. My mouth made a fine line. "Kindness is a virtue that the world lacks; it is more of a liability than an asset."
"You're wrong. Kindness can change the minds of many." I saw the corner of his lip turn up in amusement. It made my blood boil beneath my polite, yet defiant, mask.
"Is that what I'm paying Schuester to teach you?" He asked mockingly. "Kids get fed that old saying too often. The world is not an accepting place, and the sooner you realise that the better." I glared at him.
"I know this world is not an accepting place." I retorted. It seemed as though my father could sense the unspoken accusation in my tone, because he tilted his head.
"Are you implying that I am not accepting? Was it not I who gave that kid a chance by allowing him to work here?" I froze. He did have a point. I was going to argue that Kurt shouldn't have to be a servant, but of course that goes against the way society works. "Everyone has a place in this world, Blaine. For some that place is on the floor shining our shoes."
"Do you believe that?" I asked. "That the sole purpose of a person's existence should be waiting on the virtueless?" He simply frowned and squared his shoulders. Clearly he didn't expect me to question him.
"What has brought all this on?" He questioned me. "You never spoke out of turn like this before. This new attitude really is because of him, isn't it?" I could not let him think this about Kurt, because if he fired him he would be tossed out onto the streets again.
"I have my own mind; I refuse to bite my tongue." I said simply. He continued to approach me.
"This is not proper, Blaine. You will stay away from that servant boy; he clearly is provoking your rebellious attitude." He sounded so disappointed in me, and for a moment I actually felt bad. Only for a moment.
"I am sorry, father, but it is not fair for you to stop me speaking with him. He is still a servant, so he still must continue his duties." I explained calmly. I had to keep my voice even, if I let slip even for a moment that I was concerned then I just knew he'd make his conditions worse.
"And he will," He said with a nod. "He will serve Mr Karofsky's son until his departure and then he shall continue his duties – but you may not allow him to do work for you." I stared at him, but before I could protest he spoke over me again. "Whether you like it or not, your actions are decided by me. Friendship with a servant is not the way society works, and the sooner you grow up and realise that the better."
Before I could even protest a knock sounded at the door. My father approached the door and opened it. I don't know how to explain the way I felt upon seeing Kurt as he hovered in the doorway. I was so very happy to see him, but embarrassed because of the kiss, and concerned because my father was in the room. Kurt looked way too frail for my liking. His pale skin was even lighter than usual, the bags under his eyes had deepened, and his whole body language and demeanour was off. My father pursed his lips as though he had tasted a rather sour lemon.
"What are you doing here?" That's when I remembered that Kurt had been assigned to Karofsky. He had no other reason to be here other than for personal reasons. He was going to get caught out and I could see it. He didn't expect to see my father and he clearly had no excuse for being here. I noticed the panic settling in, could practically see the shadowy images of the damp streets reflecting in his eyes. Reflecting the fear of being alone on the streets again.
"I asked him to come," I spoke instantly. "I spoke to him before he went with Dave yesterday. I wanted to inform him that I would not require his services while he is serving Dave, you see he was unclear about whether or not he should continue with his other duties also." I heard my father huff in irritation.
"Very well. You may return to your duties now, boy." He rudely said to Kurt. For a moment everything was still. My father was waiting around, focussed on leaving only after being certain Kurt was gone too. "Well?" I saw Kurt's face smooth over before hardening into a mask that was unreadable. He nodded and mumbled an apology before leaving.
0000
The rest of the day was just as drab and dull as ever before. Nothing was really happening, and nothing ever would. The girl my father wants me to marry will be along next week. I don't know how to tell my dad that I'm not interested in girls. But, of course, I won't tell him that. It doesn't really matter if I'm interested in girls when it comes to marrying one. Marriage is a legal arrangement that connects two families. Tina Cohen-Chang. That's the girl that was mentioned. I watched as servants moved through one of the sitting rooms. My parents sat idly and doing nothing of interest. They barely noticed as a servant passed in front of them, barely noticed when they tripped and scrambled to collect the objects they had dropped. I watched as Maria stumbled out of the room and tripped over the long fabric that she was messily carrying around. Acting fast, I caught her. I didn't care about the fabric.
"Oh, Mr Anderson!" She gasped. "I am so very sorry, please forgive me!"
"Calm down," I said with a chuckle as I helped steady her. "You do not need to beg for forgiveness from me. If I had it my way my parents would be asking for your forgiveness." As I said this I ducked down to collect and fold the fabric. Maria was giving me a puzzled look. I didn't blame her. "Is there anything I can help you with?"
"Sir, it is not appropriate." She said quickly, glancing over her shoulder as though my offer would get her in trouble. I sighed and followed her when she started to move. She was glancing at me, clearly uncomfortable by my presence. "Oh, sir, you mustn't forget about tomorrow." I frowned.
"Tomorrow?" She nodded and kept walking.
"Yes, sir. A ball is being held in town. Miss Chang will be there, it is your chance to win her over properly before her stay." I couldn't help but sigh at that. I didn't want to spend my life attached to someone who I would never love. Why can I not live my life the way I choose to? What I am doing day to day is not living. What the servants are doing is not living. It's surviving. I can't comprehend how this kind of treatment is acceptable. Had Maria been born to a family of wealth she would have been a different person. Had my parents not been wealthy I would be where Maria is.
"I understand, thank you." My reply was hesitant, uncaring. I could tell that Maria had caught onto that.
"You sound sad, sir." She said. "Is there a problem?" I nodded with a soft smile.
"There is a problem, but compared to yours and the others – it is really nothing." She stopped and turned to me. Suddenly she didn't seem sheepish or shy.
"If something is bothering you, no matter how big or small, then it is a problem. The size of another person's problem does not lessen your own." I never thought about it like that. I looked at her, unsure of what to say. But all she did was smile and continue walking on. I leaned against the wall while processing what she had said. Suddenly I saw someone ghost past me, silent and detached. It took me a moment to realise that it was Kurt. I called out to him, but he did not turn to face me. He left the building and I could not help but wonder why. Hesitantly I walked to Karofsky's room and knocked on the door. He let me in.
"It's you." He said with a roll of his eyes as he went to sit back down. I entered the room and closed the door. "Well, c'mon, what do you want?" He asked. He gestured to an open seat, but I refused to take it and instead chose to remain standing.
"I saw Kurt leave the mansion. Did something happen?" Karofsky narrowed his eyes. Odd. He had never minded me talking to him about the servants before. Was it because of the past Karofsky had with Kurt? Did he think he still felt like Kurt's employer? No. It was something more than that. I could see his eyes seemed to darken, he seemed possessive. His shoulders had subconsciously squared up, like a beast preparing to pounce.
"What does it have to do with you?" He questioned suddenly. "As long as I'm here he's my servant." I didn't like that. I didn't like how he claimed ownership of Kurt in that way. I had to keep calm to prevent myself from going slightly red with anger.
"Did you hurt him?" I asked, fixing my eyes onto his. The room was deadly silent. I wasn't about to back down from this. And then… He laughed.
"It isn't hard to hurt someone like him," He said. "Give him a pat on the back and he'll shatter like a porcelain doll."
"Did you intentionally hurt him?" I fired back a split second after he had finished speaking. I saw the amusement drain slightly from his face. He nodded once. I clenched my fists and barrelled towards him. Just as I had grabbed his shirt and pulled him to his feet he laughed again and pushed me away.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," He said. "You see, he was fired by my father because he got violent-"
"He was defending himself."
"-but your father does not know this. All it would take would be for me to speak to him. Explain how I know Hummel. Where do you think he would be then?" He asked. I had to resist the erg to remain grounded. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. Kurt would be forced on the streets again, and who knows if he'd even survive. That and I just couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again. "And to answer your question, he's gone out to do something for me."
"To do what?" I glared.
"He's gone to get some bread from town." I froze with widened eyes.
"She was killed. S-Some homeless man saw her pass in the street. She had some bread with her, and he was desperate. He attacked her and stole the bread."
Kurt's mother had been killed while going out specifically for bread. The first thing that came to my head was the image of Kurt's face upon hearing the order. He had to go and do the very thing that got his mother killed. The memories must be slowly and agonisingly ripping him apart. Along with that there is the fear of meeting the same fate. I had no choice. I had to go and find him; I needed to get to him in case something happened. The streets are not safe and… Oh no, how could I forget?
The Militia are in town today…
Sorry for the delay everyone, I've been up to my eyes in stuff to do in preparation for University. That's right, I passed my college exams and am moving up haha. Anyway, I am aware that this chapter is not as long BUT – the next chapter will follow Kurt as he tries to come to terms with travelling through the town while the Militia is around. Nice and lengthy.