Chapter 2

Acting

"You idiot! Because of your stupid mistake Slade got away! Why didn't you just handle your own battle? I was fine until you came along!"

"I-I am sorry."

Not letting her conscience talk her out of it, she dug the crystal into her wrist and slowly slid it across her skin leaving a trail of blood. She couldn't help but smile. The feeling was…exceptional. It felt like all her troubles were leaving her and as soon as it started, it ended just as fast.

She placed the glass back in its place and stood there with her hand on the knob. A gently smile crept onto her face as she whispered, "See you tomorrow." With that small goodbye, she closed the drawer and laid back on her bed where she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

Starfire woke up with a blank expression on her face. That was uncalled for since it was a beautiful morning which would usually make her excited for a new day. But not today. Remembering what happened the previous night with the battle, the alien couldn't help but feel a few tears rolling down her face. As soon as they came, they left after thinking about what she did after the battle which made her rethink if that was a good idea. Since she had to get out of her room eventually, how would she be able to think of a lie, a good enough lie so Raven would believe her.

Ever since the two female Titans switched bodies, they shared a closer relationship and understood each other more. At least once a day, Raven would meet Starfire in her room in order to meditate and maybe share a tea together. One time, when the two girls were meditating, Starfire had an ongoing battle in her mind about whether she should tell Raven about something. Sensing Starfire's mood, Raven opened her eyes and turned to the alien.

Flashback

"Okay Starfire, what's wrong?" She was still in the air with her legs crossed but her attention was focused on Starfire instead of her breathing.

"N-Nothing is wrong friend Raven! Please, why do you ask?" Starfire knew this was a dumb question but she hoped that Raven would drop the subject so she would be able to have time to know what she wanted to ask from the empath.

"Really Starfire? I'm meditating with you meanwhile focusing on my emotions and breathing. I can obviously sense that your breathing is fast showing that you're nervous. You might've as well have arrows pointing at you saying that you wanted to say something. Now tell me." Raven's facial expression didn't change but her violet eyes showed that she was concerned for her best friend.

Knowing that there was no way out of telling her, Starfire sighed and thought of where to begin. "Raven, how do you control your emotions?" At the moment, Starfire didn't have to use techniques that she would soon use but she had a feeling that she would use them one day.

"Why?" Raven was curious to know why she wanted to know but figuring that this was Starfire, then maybe there was no harm in a question like this. But she had to make sure.

"I am most interested in knowing since you never completely told me and there are times when we are in battle and my mind drifts off. Some of the times I am fine and focused but other times I rethink of what happened to me that day or I am concerned if one of you got hurt. I believe that if I know your techniques, besides meditating, then I will somewhat be more of use to a battle." Most of her reasoning was true but that wasn't her real question. She really wanted to know how she would be able to not allow Raven to enter her mind and see her emotions.

The empath narrowed her eyes a small amount as if it would help her see if she was telling the truth. After getting a satisfying result, she decided to tell Starfire about what she did for years. "Well Starfire, the first thing you should know is that I meditate, obviously, but when I do I focus on my emotions and think of ways to maintain them. For example, if there was a memory when I was angry, I would remember what happened and, in a way, feed it to my anger. Then I would remind myself to not get carried away and convince myself that if I did show that emotion, then someone's life would be in jeopardy and there would be no way to save them. In my case, that's partially true. You know why I can't show my emotions but that's what I mainly do." Seeing that Starfire had understood and seemed interested on what they were discussing, Raven continued.

"When you're not meditating then it gets a little harder. Let's say you're happy about something but it's a secret. What would you do?" Starfire thought of something that she hoped would happen one day and said it without thinking of Raven's reaction.

"Well if I had found out that you and friend Beastboy were secretly a couple, then I would tell you that I knew about the two of you." Starfire realized her mistake and made a small "eep" before covering her mouth.

Ignoring what Starfire had just said and the blush that was creeping upon her cheeks, Raven held up her hand and said, "Never say that again. Got it?" After Starfire gave a sharp nod, Raven took a few breaths and returned to the subject at hand.

"Okay, that's good that you would tell the person that you know. But what would you do if it came into conversation and you know that they want to keep it a secret?"

"Truthfully, I would most likely forget their request and say that they made a charming couple." Starfire had answered honestly and although she knew that wasn't the answer Raven was looking for, she hoped that her friend would help correct her mistake and tell her what she would do.

"Okay, that's where you went wrong. Now that you told the other person that they were a couple, then it could start an argument and they might assign the blame on you. Then chances are they would hold a grudge and they wouldn't be your friend anymore. That might be worse-case scenario but you want to be prepared if it does happen. Wanna know what I would do?" After an eager nod, Raven continued. "Well first I would think of what the topics before were about and if they had any connection to the couple. And if they asked you what you thought about the two being a couple, then you could answer something like 'I could see them together' so that way you wouldn't really be lying but you wouldn't be saying that they were a couple. You're just voicing your opinion. I'm getting too deep into this but overall, just think about the consequences and what other people might feel about it. Although it may seem impossible, it'll come to you on the spot. It's honestly never failed me. Did you get it?"

Starfire understood what Raven was explaining to her and answered with a yes. Onto the next question. "I have another question for you friend. Let us say you are speaking with someone and they ask you something that is a delicate subject for you. How would you ignore the question in a way that they would seem satisfied with your answer?"

"Well it depends on the subject. If it's dangerous and you know it is, whether it was before it happened or you know deep down, then you could answer the question without giving too much away. And if it's something that you aren't ready to talk about, then you could just tell them that you don't want to talk about it or just dance around the subject."

After a decent amount of time talking about ways to hide your emotions, Starfire had finally gotten the answer she was hoping to get. Once she got what she wanted, Raven had asked Starfire if there was anything else she wanted to know which the Tamaranian was happy to say no to.

End of Flashback

Forgetting the memory, Starfire got up from her bed and went to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. Unfortunately for her, the mirror was broken from the day before so she decided to go to the bathroom the entire team shared.

Once she got there, the first thing Starfire did was look at the mark she left of her wrist the previous night. Her wrist had shown a light pick scar which was barely noticeable so she figured that she wouldn't have to do anything to cover it up. X'hal, please do not allow my friends to see the action I have done last night. Once she finished with her silent prayer, Starfire did the usual by brushing her teeth and fixing her hair. She decided to not take a shower and went back to her room.

9:28. Starfire realized that she had missed the sunrise her first time in years. This made her seem disappointed in herself because without her daily dose of the Sun's energy, her powers would be able to fail her making her fail the team.

It is not like I have not already failed them. Especially Robin. His words never left her mind and the more it replayed itself in her mind, the more convinced she was. Taking a deep sigh and thinking about her friends, Starfire decided to not let her failure to the team affect her today. She would simply act like nothing happened so they wouldn't have to worry about her. Forcing a smile on her face, she thought of a happy memory with her friend Raven, and floated down the halls towards the common room.

As soon as she entered the double doors, she did what she always did every morning and said in a big happy voice while spreading out her arms, "Glorious morning friends! I hope you all slept well the last night!"

Everyone was there eating breakfast but stopped as soon as they heard Starfire. They never heard her say something that almost sounded… normal. Usually she would say something like 'pleasant shlorvaks' but today, she said 'I hope you all slept well the last night.' Her grammar made them all do a double-take and Beastboy was about to ask why she almost sounded normal when Raven spoke before he had a chance to.

"Hi and I did. Thanks. How did you sleep Starfire?" Cyborg, Beastboy and Robin now turned their attention to Raven as she took a sip of her tea ignoring the boys and concentrating on Starfire. She seemed different that morning. The three boys were shocked at the girls' behavior so far with the fact that Starfire knew more about the Earth language, and Raven was talking more and seemed to be trying to be nice.

"Oh I slept very well friend! Thank you for asking! I apologize for being tardy this morning. I believe I have overslept." Starfire floated over to the refrigerator and took out an apple then floated to her usual seat which was between Cyborg and Robin. Do not let them know Koriand'r. Continue acting. One bite after another and yet everyone was still silent.

Beastboy and Cyborg were still confused about Starfire and Raven's behavior, Raven was trying to figure Starfire out since something felt different about her, and Robin was thinking of different ways to beg Starfire for his forgiveness. After last night, he went into his room and started to think about what he said. After reminding himself that it was his fault and not Starfire's, he decided to apologize to Starfire without making things worse whether he said is wrong or just didn't. Raven, Cyborg and Beastboy had all paid him a visit after checking that Starfire went to sleep and gave him multiple lectures. They had helped the Boy Wonder but it made him feel worse about his actions. Good.

After a few more painful minutes of silence, Starfire finished her apple, got up from her seat, and threw it away. Thinking of a way to break the ice, she did the one thing she could think of.

"Well, I believe I will go outside of the Tower today and do an outing. Would anyone care to join me?" All eyes looked up at her and before Robin could say that he would like to, Raven answered her question.

"I'll go. When do you want to go?" Although her voice was monotonous, Beastboy was able to tell that something was bothering her. Maybe I'll go too. Just to make sure everything's all right with them.

"Count me in too Star!" Beastboy gave Starfire a toothy grin which made the alien giggle.

"I think I'll join ya'll. I need to go to the autoshop first if that's cool. My baby needs an upgrade!" Cyborg turned his head in Robin's direction, expecting him to say that he would join them. Raven and Beastboy joined Cyborg but Starfire refused to look at Robin. She was a forgiving person and even though what he said to her ticked her off, and upset her, she decided to forgive him even if he didn't want to apologize. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean everything can go back to normal. Starfire had just recently learned that.

"I actually have some work to do." Glares from all around were coming from all around him but he could only feel three pairs of eyes fixed on him. And none of them made him feel butterflies in his stomach. After Cyborg secretly, but roughly, nudged Robin's arm, he took the hint.

"But it can wait." Robin finished.

Nice save Boy Blunder.

Go back to your own mind will you Raven? After feeling her presence in his head disappear, Robin smiled at Starfire but she looked at him with kind eyes but gave him a don't-lie-to-me look.

"That is nice of you Robin but you do not have to join us. Please do as you wish and do not feel obliged to go." Starfire turned to the rest of her friends and clapped her hands together. "It is glorious news to hear that you will all join me! Would you like to leave at noon?" After a few nods, Starfire gave one more 'glorious' and floated out of the room. Not needing a lecture of look from his friends, he followed after the Tamaranian and caught her faster than he thought he would.

"Starfire! Wait!" Starfire turned around but this time her feet felt the floor.

"Yes friend?" Do not let him suspect.

"Well first off I want to say that I don't feel like I have to go. I really want to but work comes first you know?" Robin started rubbing the back of his neck as a habit that meant he was nervous.

"I understand Robin. Work does come first and I am happy you do not feel forced to join us. Is that all?" Please say that is all. Please say that is all.

"Actually, there's one more thing that I have to tell you. And it's really important." After a nod from Starfire that told him to continue, Robin took her advice and did.

"Look, about last night and what happened after… he left. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to and shouldn't have lashed out at you like that. You don't deserve that and I want you to know that I feel terrible. None of the things I said are true but I was in a… bad mood, and needed to let out my anger on something. Unfortunately, the closest thing to me at that moment was you. I'm sorry Starfire, I really am. Can you forgive me?" There were more things Robin wanted to tell her but he felt that he shouldn't if it showed his feelings towards her. Something inside of him told Robin that it wasn't the right time to tell Starfire. Soon. I promise Starfire.

Starfire was shocked that Robin would apologize to her, not that he never did but it felt weird. Almost as if that wasn't what he wanted to say. Maybe he didn't mean it or maybe he wanted to say something else. Whatever it was, Starfire didn't give Robin a chance to say it.

"Thank you Robin for your apology. I would like for you to know that you are forgiven and please do not do the sweating of it. I understand that I disobeyed your orders and for that I am sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"Don't sweat it Starfire. You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm just happy that we're good. We are good, right?" Robin couldn't help but feel the worry in his voice because he knew that something was off. He hadn't really paid much attention to her apology but only paid attention to the fact that she was apologizing to him. Whatever it was, he just wanted to be with her again. Have everything back to normal.

Starfire laid her hand on Robin's bicep and gave it a light squeeze. He couldn't help but feel small shots of electricity shock him when she touched him. "Of course we are good Robin. Please, do not worry any longer." Her gentle voice was enough to calm Robin down.

"If you will excuse me Robin, I must go and freshen up." Letting go of his arm, Starfire gave Robin one last smile and wave and walked away.

She forgave me. Robin should have been happy that she said she forgave him but the weight that was on his shoulders felt heavier. He shrugged it off and walked down the hall too but to his room. He continued thinking about Starfire and how everything should be okay now but what he didn't notice was that she was far from okay. He was too busy in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Starfire had walked away. She hadn't flown, she hadn't floated, she walked.

I just wanted to say that most of this story will be based on a true story. I will not say whose but some of the parts used here, or in the future, will be about me and what I do or have gone through. Don't assume the worst but I felt that some of you might be curious. I'm sorry if this didn't feel like Robin would really do this but I have no idea where the Robin side of me went. Maybe he left for a vacation, we don't know! He will return soon enough, promise. Please review, follow, fav and all that other good stuff. I don't own anything but Warner Bros. and DC Comics do!

Always yours,

light is in the dark

P.S. Just so you know, most of this story will be in Starfire's POV but don't be surprised if I add in a few thoughts from others here and there. I'm sorry about the grammar! I feel off today. I'll also explain about Starfire's new-found grammar in the next chapter. I'll work it in there!