Standard Disclaimer: The characters ain't mine, I'm just borrowing their strings for a while, so don't sue me please! Please point out any errors in grammar or spelling privately and I will correct them.

Chapter 8 – The Awful Toll of Reality

"What?" Ruby gasped, looking around the kitchen with startled eyes. "What happened? Where are w..." At that, she paused, realization dawning.

Regina could mark the very instant that Ruby – or more specifically the cursed construct personality – relinquished control by the prominent flaring of her nostrils and the angry tilt to her brow that were so common to Red. At long last the woman she'd longed to be reunited with had returned and rather than being over the moon as she should have been, Regina was violently conflicted. In a nauseating impression of an unstable roller coaster, her stomach began to perform loop-de-loops in her abdomen, producing a sense of vertigo that was tilting everything off axis.

"The Curse," Ruby – no, Red – then said, her gaze snapping back to Regina. She looked anguished and furious. "You actually did it. You cursed us. You cursed me! How could you?!" With each accusation, she advanced until she was in Regina's face. Rather than react, Regina stood and accepted Red's wrath, feeling she deserved it. But rather than receiving further verbal assaults, Red's anger dissipated as quickly as it came, draining out as if the bottom had fallen out from under her. It was replaced by an emotion that looked very much like revulsion. "Oh, my God," she moaned, appearing very close to being sick. "Oh, God. Oh, God!"

"What is it?" Regina asked, reaching out to grasp Red's forearms. Her lover jerked away from her, turning away to pace for almost a minute around the kitchen with her hands in her hair, tugging almost hysterically at the roots in what Regina thought must be a painful manner.

Suddenly, Red halted and turned on her once more. "How many?"

Confused, Regina tilted her head, her brows drawn. "How many what?"

Now, Red's demeanor truly collapsed. The stalwart wall that formerly held her together had been hit with a 120mm shell of awareness, pulverizing it to dust, and leaving an already tormented woman exposed to the horrible reality of what she had been through. "How many people have I had sex with because of what you did?" she panted, her voice laden with torturous amounts of disgust. "Jesus Christ! I can't even remember. Oh, God. Oh, my God! I'm going to be sick!"

Bolting from the room, Red scurried through the hallway to the nearest bathroom and launched herself in front of the toilet just in time to vomit. Frantically, Regina trailed behind with her heart in her throat, not knowing how to help or whether Red would even want her around anymore. You deserve this, she berated herself, her inner voice sounding terrifying close to her mother's, this is all your fault. Go in there and take your punishment. Long ago conditioned to obey such a command, she did exactly that.

Following her lover into the bathroom, Regina halted at the sight of Red bent over the toilet retching her guts out. The poor girl was under such strain that her face was nearly an identical shade as her sweater, the veins in her neck bulging with reflexive effort. It was painful to watch.

Regina had forgotten just how violent Red's illnesses were. The woman barely ever got sick, but when she did, it was in epic fashion. The one time Regina had ever seen Red ill in the Enchanted Forest was during an outbreak of a harsh but short-lived sickness that spread like wildfire from the outlying villages to her castle. The plague was so fast acting that there had been nothing Regina could do but watch helplessly as her subjects grew ill and some number died.

Against advice, Red being the selfless person she was had spent hour upon hour tending to the sick, doing what she could to alleviate the suffering of patients by pressing wet cloths against burning foreheads, by making sure they stayed hydrated, and by sitting with them while they mumbled deliriously through the worst of the fever. Regina had warned Red that she was being reckless risking herself in that way but Red was a stubborn young woman who would not be told what to do and had insisted over and over that she didn't get sick...ever. Well, in that case she did, and the mess she left behind for Regina the next day was so thorough that magic was required to clean it up.

But this time there was no microscopic virus tearing its way through Red's body, no fevers to treat or chills to ward off. The sickness now afflicting her was one of Regina's own making. Another transgression to add to the list, Regina thought bitterly as she watched Red struggle through frantic fits of dry heaving, panting for breath between them. Regina thought about sitting with her lover as she had before, holding back her hair and stroking through it comfortingly while whispering soothing words into Red's ear; but after the first step forward, she immediately reeled back in trepidation. The last thing she wanted to do was exacerbate the situation by invading Red's personal space while ill and hurting and angry. Paralyzed by inaction and torn between fear and a needling desire to help her ailing lover, Regina could do nothing besides silently stew in her own misery.

Once Red's episode of sickness finally passed, she collapsed backward and began to sob loudly. The sound cut Regina to the quick, for they weren't normal cries but wrenching and violent wails that sliced through the air like a knife, lodging in her spine where they dug in painfully.

Having heard Red's very audible distress, Henry appeared in the doorway a moment later. "What's wrong?" he asked, wide-eyed and afraid.

"Nothing, sweetheart," Regina replied, turning to face her son, her little boy, her world. She was about the lose the two most important people in her life in one fell swoop. It felt like the world was collapsing around her and she was powerless to stop it. But however much it hurt, she knew she had to protect Henry from what was to come.

Turning from Red's broken form for a moment, she fixed her son with a pointed look. "Listen, Henry, Ruby will be alright. Don't worry, I'll take care of her. What I want you to do is go upstairs and call Emma. Have her come pick you up immediately." Henry opened his mouth to object, but Regina stopped him short. "Please, Henry. Do this for me?"

"Okay, Mom," he nodded, still looking frightened. "But what's happening? Why is Ruby crying? And why are you sending me away with Emma?"

"I don't have time to explain or I would," she answered, her face grave so that her son could understand how important it was that he obey her this one last time. "I just need you to do what I ask."

A stubborn set to his jaw, Henry crossed his arms. "I will but only if you tell me what's wrong."

Sighing, Regina caved. She didn't have time to argue with him when Red was so distraught and her time was running out. "Fine. I hate to be so blunt but you were right, Henry, all this time." Pain lanced through Regina's chest at acknowledging openly that her son had been right to call her the Evil Queen. She was the Evil Queen and always would be. The evidence of that was curled up on her bathroom floor, weeping miserably because of how she'd suffered under Regina's Curse. "This town has been under a curse just like you said it was. The book was right about that but it left out one key detail."

His face betraying his anger and heartbreak, Henry gave Regina the one small mercy of not turning his back on her or flinging insults in her face. Instead, he calmly asked, "What?"

Wetting her lips, Regina felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks despite her effort to hold them in. Her chin started trembling like jello. She felt vulnerable and rubbed raw but she endured it for the sake of the two people in the world she actually loved enough to fight for.

"I'm not without feelings, Henry," she said around a hitch in her voice. "Before I cast the curse, I was with someone. We were together for over a year but I let my pride and anger override my heart. I loved this person but it took me facing what I thought would be eternal separation for me to realize that. It was Ruby, Henry. I loved her then and I love her now. And I know it might not seem like it, and I admit I've not been the best mother, but I swear to you that I do love you. You're my son and I love you so much. Please, no matter what happens, don't forget that."

Now openly crying himself, Henry backed away from the door shaking his head. "I can't...I can't...I love you, Mom but I can't..."

"I know, sweetheart," Regina sobbed. "I'm so, so sorry!"

And as Henry turned and bolted away from the bathroom, Regina collapsed to her knees, full of too much guilt too hold inside. With no tether left to hold her up, she succumbed to her self-inflicted misery, and at last allowed herself to cry. Everything was crumbling down around her head, suffocating her under the weight, and it was enough to fray the edges of her control. She could only imagine how Red felt.

Thinking of what Red had endured for the last three decades sent another wave of crushing emotions coursing through Regina, foremost among them being a torturous sense of horror which had been held back for so long by willful ignorance that upon being unleashed it began to rip its way through her being. A fiery hot trail of burning self-loathing was left in its wake, stealing her ability to reason or breath. Regina couldn't be sure how long she sat in the floor sobbing herself to the point of near hyperventilation. Several times nausea overwhelmed her to the point that she nearly threw up. Her entire life was coming apart at the seams and she had no one to blame but herself.

As she had every right to be, Red was utterly devastated by having been so violated and Regina was sure that Henry would now realize his hatred of her had been justified and in accordance redouble his efforts to see her brought down. Though the pain of that actuality was incredible, nearly blinding even, Regina recognized that it was the price she had to pay. Her suffering was just punishment for her innumerable and unpardonable iniquities.

Still whimpering pathetically, she clenched her eyes shut and hugged her arms around her middle in a futile attempt to hold herself together. She could hear the sounds of the toilet flushing soon after, followed by a shuffling of clothes, after which the sink was turned on for a moment. Vaguely, Regina recognized that Red was cleansing her mouth of the taste of vomit, reminding her once again of what had caused the sickness in the first place. Withering back in on herself like a wilting violet, Regina shuddered.

But then a few moments later, something totally unexpected happened. Feeling Red move in behind her, Regina heard her lover sit, and in a gesture that could only come from someone as essentially good as Red, a pair of strong arms wound their way around her waist, securing comfortably around her stomach.

"Hey, hey," Red's strained and gravelly voice implored, clearly affected by Regina's breakdown. When Regina did not calm, Red pulled her more fully into her embrace and then stretched her legs out on either side of Regina's kneeling form. Tugging the older woman's body back, Regina fell onto her rear and into Red's welcoming embrace. After resting her head back on Red's shoulder so as to be cheek-to-cheek, the resilient and brave werewolf began to rock them both in a soothing motion.

"Shh," Red then began to coo tenderly, "It's okay. I'm here. I'm still here, Regina. I've got you. It's going to be okay, I promise."

Red's consoling words made Regina feel absolutely wretched. She was supposed to be the one offering what little comfort she could to Red and not the other way around.

"It's all...m-my fault," she cried, shifting a bit in Red's strong arms so she could rest her head against her lover's chest. Clinging to Red's sweater, she concentrated on the soothing rhythm of Red's heartbeat beneath her ear, strong and steady and unshakeable like an anchor in a storm. "I'm...s-so sorry! I didn't...I didn't want this for you. I swear!"

Dropping a kiss to Regina's head, Red nuzzled her nose into her hair. "I know, baby, I know. I heard you talking to Henry and it stirred up my memories. I remember the last thing you said to me. Do you?"

In the midst of her fear and guilt driven breakdown, Regina could not really remember much of anything. Shaking her head, she sobbed more miserably.

"You said," Red began, and Regina could feel the almost wistful smile form on her lover's face, "that you were sorry. That you would take it all back if you could." Sliding her head southward, Red pressed another gentle kiss to the juncture between Regina's neck and shoulder, causing the distraught woman to shiver. "You also said that you love me. And you know what?" When Red did not immediately continue, Regina shook her head pitifully, feeling further away from the Queen she had once been than ever before; right now, she was little more than a heaping wreck of a woman. "I believed you then and I believe you now. I love you, Regina, but there's something I have to confess." She then pulled away so she could look down into Regina's eyes.

Regina returned the gaze with baited breath. "What's that?" she croaked almost fearfully.

"I'm glad you can't take it back."

"What?"

Regina was astonished. That was the last thing she had expected Red to say. Seeing as how legitimately angry the woman should be, how could she even mean that?

"I know what you're thinking," the intuitive werewolf replied as if privy to Regina's thoughts. "I should be angry and I am but I'm also...not. It's weird and hard to explain. I won't deny that what I went through is...I can't...I can't even think about it. It's too awful. But...I have to concede that I was not an unwilling participant in my dalliances as Ruby."

"Be that as it may, you should still hate me. I'm a monster." Regina's self-loathing was slipping through in the disparagement. "I condemned you to 28 years of violation. I swear, though, I didn't put that into the curse. All I specified was for you and Granny to be together and happy. I don't know why it made you that way. I didn't want you to suffer."

Smiling tenderly despite the pain that lingered in her eyes, Red brushed a strand of hair away from Regina's forehead and then swept it back over her ear. "You didn't have to say that for me to already know it. As for why it happened, I can't say either, but I can't deny the fact that I've always had a healthy sexual appetite, as you well know. I just had you to keep me fulfilled back there.

"But here? Here, I was lonely and frustrated and when the moon was full I felt like I was about to crawl out of my skin. Sex helped to distract me from those things. I still felt dirty afterward and to be honest, I feel even more so now. It might take a while for me to get over this, but I will because even though it hurts, I understand why it happened. What I don't understand is why you didn't do anything. Surely you knew what was happening. You could have stopped it."

"And in so doing, broken my own curse, just as I've done now," Regina replied bitterly, hanging her head in shame. "I'm a prideful woman, Red. That not even you can change. Once I cast the curse, I felt committed to see it through. And yes, I heard rumors, but I knew nothing for sure. I couldn't allow myself to. I knew if I discovered the rumors to be true I would have been compelled to intervene, and as a result, all that I'd sacrificed would have been for naught. I loved you but I was not yet prepared to let go of my vendetta."

"I see," Red replied, almost nonchalantly. Regina could still see the hurt in her eyes. "So you just buried your head in the sand? That's a healthy coping strategy."

"Yes, well, I never claimed to be of sound mental health," Regina retorted. "You knew that when you got involved with me. I was unstable. I suppose I still am to some degree. None of that changes the fact that I love you. And while I know I failed you in the worst way imaginable, I can't help but hope that you might some day forgive me."

Looking tentative, Red bit her lip as she sniffled. "Your kiss broke the curse, Regina," she said as if that should be adequate reassurance.

"I'm aware. That doesn't tell me how you feel."

"What I feel is complicated," Red sighed, scrubbing her face of her tears. "I've already forgiven you but that doesn't mean I'm not hurt and more than a little angry."

"You have every right to be hurt," Regina said, tucking her head back against Red's chest, "and angry, and bitter, and vengeful. But even so, here you are, choosing to be kind to me, forgiving me when I don't deserve it. Nobody else ever did that for me."

Nuzzling against the crown of Regina's head, Red placed a lingering kiss there. "How could I not? I love you more than anything in the whole world. More than my own life. What we have together is worth the pain to me. It always has been. Even back there, I was willing to die for you, so I didn't need for us to break the curse to know that my love for you is true. Having said that, while I wish you hadn't cast it in the first place, this is a storm we can and will weather as long as we do it together."

Regina breathed deeply, inhaling Red's scent, sweetly floral from her favored perfume. Had Regina endured what Red had under the curse, she was fairly sure she would have went on a murderous rampage, but even though Red was positively swimming with hurt, she had set her pain aside in order to comfort Regina. That was just the kind of person Red was, steadfast to the end, always putting those she loves first, most of the time at her own expense. Red deserved better but Regina was a selfish woman. She needed her werewolf too much to let her go again.

"Despite everything, I'm so glad you're here, Red."

Placing a kiss atop Regina's head, Red mumbled, "me, too," and then tilted her head to rest her cheek on Regina's crown. They sat like that for a long time, still and silent in each others presence, neither daring to break the almost peaceful spell of reconciliation that wrapped itself around them, washing away their hurts and fears for the time being.

But all too soon that bubble was shattered by a vicious pounding on Regina's front door. They sprang apart, startled.

"Oh, my," Regina commented, looking sheepishly at Red's chest. "I'm afraid I've cried my makeup off all over your sweater. Perhaps you should go change while I answer the door? You know where I keep your clothes."

Red smiled at that. "Mmhmm. Right next to yours."

Leaning up toward the taller woman, Regina whispered for effect, her eyes shining. "Right where they belong."

Their lips met for only a brief kiss before the pounding on the door repeated itself for the third time.

"Alright!" Regina shouted and then turned back to Red, annoyance plastered across her face. "Whoever it is better have a good reason for beating my front door down or else I may be inclined to turn them into a toad. My magic should have returned, after all, with the breaking of the curse. Might be a good time to get in some practice."

"Please don't," Red pleaded, eyes wide. "Refrain for at least a day with the transformations into squishable critters, okay? For me?" She batted her eyelashes, a move that worked far too often for Regina's taste.

Breathing through her nose, Regina crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine. But I make no promises for tomorrow. These people can be insufferable. You really have no idea."

"Oh, I think I have a pretty good one," Red chuckled before leaning in to place a loving kiss at the corner of Regina's mouth. The Queen's eyes slid closed at the pleasant contact. "Remember," Red then said over her shoulder as she moved away toward the door, "I'm a waitress."

"Try being mayor, dear," Regina retorted after her departing lover and then chuckled to herself. How Red could find the strength to have good humor after all of this was beyond her, but that was just Red being Red, an incredible woman with whom Regina was incredibly in love and so very blessed to be loved by in return.