Chapter 9

World So Cold

As more time passed by, Starfire had found herself to feel numb. This meant that whenever she got hurt in battle, she didn't feel anything. She didn't feel anything whenever Robin would yell at her for making a mistake that led to the escape of a more dangerous villain. She didn't feel anything when Beastboy made a joke or when Raven replied with a sarcastic comment. Fake smiles would be displayed upon her face all day long when on the inside, she was slowly dying.

It used to be about her insecurities and the fear that everyone would judge her if she did something wrong since she was from another planet. But the longer that she hurt herself and convinced herself that what the two girls said was true, the more she felt depressed and actually thought about her life. All of her accomplishes, memories that she cherished, the people she loved and lost, and the people in her life now.

Cyborg.

He was like the older brother that she never had. Starfire had an older sister but she never comforted her, laughed with her instead of at her, and she never loved her. She loved how Cyborg was protective of her, funny, and pretty much a big teddy bear, even though he didn't look like that at first appearance. Most of all, she adored how he understood her. How someone could judge you based on your appearance. Starfire, of course, envied how there were actually some people that hurt her friend. Sure, Cyborg was perfectly capable of taking care of himself but she always felt like it was necessary to protect the people around her, no matter what.

Beastboy.

In her family, unbeknownst to the Titans, Starfire once had a younger brother. His name was Ryand'r and he was an amazing sibling. They would always play together, laugh together, and talk together. In fact, Beastboy reminded her very much of Ryand'r with his witty ways. He always made jokes, cheered her up, and tried his best to make her day when she was down. Like Cyborg, Beastboy had something in common with her: he knew how it felt when the person they cared for the most fell into Slade's hands. Although Terra chose to be with Slade, that didn't mean that it hadn't hurt any less. She remembered that one night; she had accidentally bumped into Beastboy while grabbing a midnight snack.

It had been a few days since Terra's betrayal and it seemed as though the changeling would need more time. They both apologized, but before Beastboy had left to go lock himself into his room again Starfire stopped him and pleaded him to speak with her. He hesitated but soon enough did as she wished. They eventually ended up in his room and spent the whole night talking. Starfire had learnt more about Beastboy and found herself understanding him in more ways possible. Eventually, morning came and it turned out that they had both fallen asleep in his room. A pounding on the door woke them up and it was Cyborg who was there to tell Beastboy that Starfire was gone. Once Starfire opened the door, the look on Cyborg's face was priceless as a look of astonishment was soon replaced with realization as Beastboy woke up and attempted to make the half-metal half-man understand.

Later that day, when everyone was all together in the common area, Cyborg had "accidentally" talked about the night the two teenagers had shared. Now that she wasn't as naïve, Starfire understood why the game console exploded into many pieces before Raven pulled up her hood and excused herself. But, believe it or not, she still didn't know why Robin had sent glares at Beastboy every time they were in a room together and why he was angry for the rest of the day. Luckily, Starfire explained to Raven what happened before the empath did anything, since she knew about Raven's feelings for Beastboy. The changeling had done the same with Robin and after some time, everything returned to normal. Except this time, Robin practically never left Starfire's side for a week.

That memory always caused Starfire to blush and blame herself for staying with Beastboy that night. Still, no matter what happened between the two of them, Starfire always treated Beastboy like he was her little brother. Almost like the brother that she had lost.

Raven.

Starfire had to admit that Raven was more like a sister to her than Blackfire ever was. Although it took some time, Raven had decided to finally let some people in. Since the switching of their bodies, the two girls had developed a form of a bond and knew more about each other. Since their talk in the alley, Starfire felt closer to Raven than ever before. They were both judged and underestimated. The fact that Starfire was kind to everyone was often taken granted as it later showed that the alien beauty had a specific amount of patience and could explode in your face whenever she wanted to. And even though Raven at times didn't show any emotion, it didn't mean that she couldn't feel. That was one of the major things that they had in common. Their emotions were a strength and a weakness. Both of their powers were based off of their emotions and it seemed as though they had to always keep their emotions at bay.

Starfire had to always summon one type of emotion and memory or thought within seconds in a battle. Whether it was her unbridled joy for flight, boundless confidence for strength, or her righteous fury for her starbolts, every second that she didn't use these could mean that someone could get hurt because of her.

Raven, on the other hand, had to control her emotions. No thanks to her father, Trigon, emotions could destroy her or the entire world. Meditation seemed like the only way for her to control her emotions from coming out of nowhere and causing mayhem. As much as she wanted to feel, like Starfire, she couldn't. Luckily for her, Raven had found a way to slowly let people in instead of blocking them out.

For this, Starfire was proud of Raven and wished that there would be a day when Raven could just be herself for one day. Recently, Starfire herself hadn't felt like she used to. However, if she couldn't be happy, then that didn't mean that she couldn't try to be happy for her sister figure who was trying to.

Robin.

The Boy Wonder himself, growing up. He was handsome, kind, serious when needed to be, and could let himself be loose and carefree whenever he was around his friends. Starfire understood as to why Robin would be stressed out at times, since he was the leader of the team and had to do the paperwork there, and would often lock himself in his room for this. There were too many times when she remembered the door being shut in front of her face and feeling upset that he didn't allow her to help him. But no matter what he did, she still cared. In fact, she always cared. But there were some times when she had to remind herself why she felt the way she did.

He was stubborn. It didn't matter that he was her leader, there were some times when it had to be his way. For instance, Starfire recalled one time when Robin had kept himself in his room while doing paperwork or finding more evidence on a villain's whereabouts. She was, once again, attempting to coax him out of the room but he refused and it stayed like that for some time until Starfire gave up. There were multiple times where the same situation repeated itself and too few moments when she could coax him out of the room. But she had to admit, during those times when he did come out of the room, both of them would leave with a smile on their faces.

He could care less about your feelings sometimes. This was true whenever they had just returned from a battle and something had gone wrong. Robin would become angered and take it out on either the training room or on the rest of his team. At times, he would insult one of them but would quickly take it back the next second. Recently, his target seemed to have been Starfire and as more words were thrown at her, the more depressed she became.

He seemed like he didn't trust anyone. The mask was enough to show that he didn't confide in his friends to let them finally see the man behind the mask. Either he wasn't ready to show them-which Starfire understood and would wait until he was- or he just didn't trust them at all. This was something that she had always wondered but never decided to question, until now.

Then again, everybody has a past whether it was filled with good choices or bad ones. Starfire knew that there were parts of her life that she didn't want anyone to know, not yet at least. She feared that her friends would judge her and no longer want her part of the Teen Titans and their lives. Maybe that was how Robin felt.

But as Starfire thought about the qualities of Robin that she did not favor, she also thought of the reason of why she loved him.

He helped her. Ever since they formed the Teen Titans, she remembered always asking her teammates questions to nearly everything. Even though she had absorbed the English language, and other languages, through Robin, there were still some concepts that she didn't understand. Starfire felt that she was a bother to everyone whenever she asked about a specific thing and although it was true sometimes, Robin seemed to be the only one that didn't mind.

He was a good leader. There was always a plan, and a backup plan, when a battle was about to emerge. But when a plan of his failed, that was when Robin began to blame himself. Everyone on the team had a limit and when they reached that limit, a lot of things could go wrong. All it could take was one mistake to lead to someone's injury or death and that wasn't something that he wanted to happen. And yet, Robin still put himself down whenever someone got hurt. He became distant to everyone and would lock himself up in his room, as if no contact with anyone was his punishment. It seemed he would beat himself up more whenever Starfire was hurt.

He was kind, a good friend, would listen to you, and countless other traits that she admired. Robin was someone that she had never encountered before in her life but was glad that she did. If all of the things that happened to her were prevented in some way or just didn't happen at all, then she wouldn't have met her friends and Robin. She wouldn't have discovered the beauty of Earth and all of its inhabitants. She wouldn't have gone to the mall and overheard the two girls' conversation and felt like this.

All of the things they said, they were cruel words. Then again, there were moments when the world could be so cold.

This was just a quick catch up with Starfire. Nothing too exciting. Please review and all that other good stuff! I don't own anything but Warner Bros. and DC Comics do!

Always yours,

light is in the dark

World So Cold by Three Days Grace

…I feel numb

I can't come to life

I feel like

I'm frozen in time

Living in a

World so cold

Wasting away…