Chapter 7 – Stand Up

Thursday, February 22nd, 2024

Gabi's POV

I ventured out of my room to see my daughter lying on the couch with my dad. They were both watching something, as I had not seen much of Logan in the previous week. I had too buried with my grief making it hard to even look at her. I had concluded that our baby was a girl because of the dream that I had the day before I found out. The moment that she left me and it made my heart angrier to think that it was going to be another beautiful girl.

Logan jumped up from the couch and my dad glanced over to see me, I was dizzy from being up right but since I had yet to actual bleed or anything, I decided to just do a D&C. I didn't want it in me any longer for it to happen and then I could hopefully carry on with my life all over again. Logan giggled, "Mommy, when do we get to go see daddy again?" my mouth went numb and my tongue was sandpaper against the roof of my mouth.

Facing Troy right now would hurt and I wasn't sure if I was going to make it down to Arizona before my first broadcast, which wasn't until the middle of March. "I don't know sweetie," Logan sighed, "I miss daddy," I nodded my head, "I know."

"Do you miss daddy?" the sand paper wrapped itself throughout my entire tongue as I didn't miss Troy, I did miss Troy but I didn't miss Troy. I just wanted to be alone and if he were here he would be all over me and suffocating me when I just need some alone time, "I want daddy," she whined, I dismissed her previous question as my dad gave me a concerned look between the two of us. "I know you do baby girl but you can stay with Grandpa tonight."

"Mommy, I miss you," she whined and she wrapped her arms around me, I wrapped my arms around her back as I felt my tears well in my throat. "I miss you baby girl,"

"Please don't be sad," she whispered into my ear, I hated four-year-olds and their precious words. I only nodded against her shoulder as I tugged her closer to me, "I'll try baby,"

"Good," I let her down and my dad came over, "Is your mom taking you?" I just nodded my head and he wrapped me in his arms, "Can I take her down to Arizona?" he asked in my ear, I just nodded my head against his shoulder because Troy was the stable one and she would have my dad for when Troy was busy. I didn't actually want Logan here, I just wanted to be home and I couldn't come back without Logan.

"We'll be gone by the time you get back," I just nodded and he pushed a strand of my hair away from my face. I went over to Logan and I bent closer to her, "You and Grandpa are going to go visit daddy in Arizona okay?" she looked at me, "Why aren't you coming?" she asked, I tried to smile but it was hard, "Mommy is kind of sick right now," I said stroking her hair, "I'm going to the doctor today to hopefully make me better okay?" she looked at me with tears in her eyes, "I don't want you to die," she started to cry and a real laugh escaped my throat.

"Lolo, I am not going to die. I promise sweet girl," I reached forward to kiss her forehead, "I'll meet you down in Arizona soon," she wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me close, "Come with me mommy," I bit on my lip, "I wish I could sweetie, soon though," she nodded her head and I wiped her tears away. "I love you and you need to be good for Grandpa Alex okay?" she nodded her head and I kissed her forehead once more. Clinging to the feeling of a sense of hope that I could have a child because my living proof was right in front of me.

I woke up groggy and confused to where I was but then it all came back at me faster than a freight train. My chest heaved with heaviness and I broke down into loud sobs when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see Ellie and I cried harder as I hadn't told many of my friends about what had happened. She lay next to me and pulled me close and I leaned into her with heavy tears falling down my cheeks. "Oh sweetie," she said quietly, I tried to breath but the tears would only grow worse.

I don't remember getting home and I don't remember crawling into my bed but here I was. "Your mom had to take care of the twins and she called me," I nodded my head, "I'm so sorry Gabi, are you feeling okay?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Why isn't Troy here?" she asked, my heart was crushed by the question, "I didn't even tell him what I was doing today," I told her once the tears were settled down to a point that I could breathe.

"You what?"

Nodding my head, "I can't tell him or else he would be here."

"Of course, that is Troy Bolton. Always being there for you." I bit down on my lip and I looked at her, "I need alone time. Troy would be suffocating me." Ellie smiled, "But he would be here for you."

"He is angry with me for leaving Arizona."

"You did the right thing."

I shrugged my shoulders and I tried to think about what is actually happening with my life. "You should have seen his face when she told us," my voice went quiet and my heart exploded with tears as they came streaming out of my eyes again. "Oh Gabi," I cried heavily into her chest, "He was so heartbroken and I was so shocked. He cried first, he cried before I did and how was I supposed to let myself break down before him when he was heart broken?"

Ellie hugged me tightly, "Gabs," I wiped my tears away from my eyes, "He was devastated,"

"Maybe he was devastated because he knew that it was going to destroy you." I shook my head, "He was probably more excited than me. He wants another baby so badly Ellie," she rubbed my back as I went silent, my eyes staring into the ceiling as we tripled check that there wasn't a heartbeat earlier this morning I wouldn't let them do anything until we were certain there wasn't anything to this baby and there wasn't which produced more tears every single time.

I wanted to tell Troy what I was doing all day yesterday but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My heart would pound in my chest every time I thought about it. "Your mom said you let Logan go down to Arizona with your dad." I nodded my head, "She doesn't need to be here seeing me melt down."

"She probably would have helped you."

"I have barely seen her since I have been back. I don't want to leave my bed, I hate leaving my bed and I don't want to talk to anybody unless they come to my bed." Ellie sighed, "It will happen,"

"When? When will it happen because I hate getting pregnant, I hate wanting to be pregnant."

Ellie didn't say anymore and I was okay with that as I rolled onto my side, cramps had seized my lower stomach like they explained but I just kept my legs tucked close to me hoping that all of the pain would disappear.

Troy's POV

Hanging my cleats up in the locker, I took off my jersey and replaced it with a clean shirt when I felt a pair of small arms wrap around my leg. My heart sped up that Gabi came back without telling me and she was ready to talk. "Daddy!" Logan yelled I smiled as I picked her up, "Hi sweet girl," she giggled as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I squeezed her tight as I breathed, I looked up and I didn't see my wife. I saw Alex.

My gut sank to my knees and my jaw tightened into a straight line as he sighed, "Where is she?" I demanded, a got a couple of looks around the room and Logan jumped in my arms. Alex sighed, "Troy," he came up closer and I let Logan down as she went around arguing with the boys and talking. "She is in a bad place," I scoffed, "And I'm not?"

"She just got out of bed for the first time in a week to go to her D&C." my body paused in mid-air, I swallowed hard against the anger soaring up in my throat, "Her what?" I turned to face him, as I was livid that I had no fucking clue. Alex laughed nervously, "She didn't tell you did she?"

"I have talked to her once in the past week."

"Hell, I didn't know it was that bad between you guys." I laughed, a laugh full of anger, "It's bad. When I called her all we did was yell at each other and she just sends you back with my daughter?" Alex sighed and I sat down in my chair as I picked up a shoe and threw it hard into my locker. Zach who was next to me looked at me as I buried my face into my hands. "She went through a D&C today without me even knowing? I couldn't even be there for her?"

Alex pressed his lips together as Logan came running back to me; she hopped up into my lap. She then wrapped her arms around my neck causing some of the anger to melt away. "Mommy is sad," she reported, my chest caved with emotion as I looked at her, "Yea?" she nodded her head at me, "She said she is sick," I brushed her hair away from her face, "Kind of," I answered, "Did she say when she would be back?" Lo shook her head no and I just sighed leaning back, "I'm sorry you had to see mommy like that,"

"I wanted to help her." Her bottom lip trembled and I realized we had a daughter who would only ever want to help people, I hugged her tight to my chest, "Oh Lo, I wish I could help mommy too but she just needs some time alone right now okay? You did nothing wrong," her face was pressed against my neck so I felt the tears leave her eyes, "I don't like mommy sad,"

"I don't like mommy sad either but she might be for a little while."

"You should go make mommy feel better," my gut twisted into a knot as I wish I could just fly home but I couldn't. Not right now. I looked over at Alex, as I wanted to talk to him further and drill him about everything but from what I am getting Gabi has laid in bed for an entire week either crying or sleeping. Completely unlike Gabi.

Cody went to see her on her birthday and he described her as a mess. She was a mess and I couldn't be there for her and she didn't want me there for her either. "I'll be back," I got up leaving Logan in a chair as I picked up my cell phone and went to sit outside on the bench. I pulled my cell phone up to my ear and I listened to it ring on the other end. "Hello?" Ellie's voice surprised me and I sighed, "How is she?"

"A mess."

"Seems to be the typical description of her." I muttered, "You don't sound thrilled."

"I'm not thrilled. I'm pissed."

"Pissed?"

"At her! She just left here and then goes and doesn't talk to me for a week. She just walks away like nothing happened,"

"Troy,"

"Ellie, don't take sides right now. I need to rant to somebody because I am angry and I don't know why she would just leave and then not tell me about her D&C?" Ellie sighed quietly, "She is upset about a lot of things herself."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Do you want me to wake her up?" Ellie demanded she had gotten a hell of a lot sassier since she had Emerson. "Kind of, I don't have much time." Ellie groaned I heard her stir Gabi awake and my head began to throb making my body actually hurt. Gabi grumbled something and I took a minute to listen to the conversation among the best friends. "She is groggy Troy,"

"I just need to hear her voice," I growled, "I haven't spoke to her in a week,"

"You get grumpy,"

I just groaned livid with this conversation and the phone was tumbled between the two people. "What," she spat, I tried not to yell at her, I tried to keep my temper in check but nothing good came of that. "You had a D&C today and didn't even fucking tell me?" she didn't respond, "I'm not in the mood for this."

"I'm not the in mood to be shut out of your life! Why are you shutting me out?" she didn't respond to that either, "Can I help you?"

I rubbed the back of my neck and I ringed it, "Jesus Gabi, I am fucking worried as hell over here and you send your dad back here with Logan? Are you coming back?"

Crickets.

"What the hell Gabi, I am trying to talk to you and you don't even have a response?"

She grumbled on the other end of the phone and I laughed, "Fucking forget it. I guess call me whenever you have more than five fucking words to say to your husband who is just as fucking miserable as you are but at least you got to make choices that you are just going to leave and hide in your bedroom when I have to put up a perfect fucking front to everybody that nothing went wrong." My voice grew louder with every syllable. My chest rumbled deep inside of me and I again heard nothing from her side of the phone. "Pathetic Gabi, I am just as heartbroken as you, I could have helped you."

"I don't want your help Troy, when will you understand this? When?" Her voice was on edge and I sat on the step. "Why, why don't you want my help?" she breathed, it was rapid and I knew she was crying. "I don't need you for everything Troy," I closed my eyes and I rubbed my face, "I guess then I don't need to be on the phone with you any longer."

"Troy, not everything is about you."

"Not everything is about you," I capitalized, "I know that this fucking sucks and it hurts like hell but this is something we are supposed to do together." The end of the line was as silent as a dark night with nothing interrupting it. I dropped my head and I just hung up the phone. Zach came out and he patted my back, "Dude, that was a rough conversation. I'm glad Logan is too busy with Sal,"

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him, Zach sighed, and "Do exactly what she wants you to do." I looked at him like he had spoken the words of death but he was right. I just needed to leave her alone. I pushed off onto my feet and I went back into the clubhouse. Most of the guys were changing and Logan had disappeared. I changed the rest of my clothes and I grabbed my bag. I went into the trainer's room where Logan was talking to Hosmer a mile a minute.

"Lo, let's go," she looked up and gave Hosmer a high-five before running up to me. I picked her up and I waved good-bye to the team as I dug out my keys from my backpack. Alex was hot on my heels as I sighed, "Alex, if you need to return home."

"She'll kill me if I leave Logan down here,"

I got to my car as I buckled Logan into the back, I was exhausted and only wanted to crawl into my bed to sleep for the rest of the day. Logan was a bundle full of energy in the back as I drove, Alex followed me all the way back to the apartment as Logan rambled on the entire time. "Lo, baby, I need you to stop talking for a little bit." She frowned as my head pulsed with extra blood. I pulled into the parking space and Alex was already on the other side of the car.

He got Logan out and I was walking up to the building with my keys out. He followed me inside, "Troy, we should talk."

"I need to lay down for a bit. My head is pulsing."

"Fine, but we need to talk. We need to talk as agent, we need talk as in you being my son-in-law, we need to talk to each other about both adoring Gabi," I looked at him as Logan looked between the two of us. I only nodded my head, "Give me an hour or until after Logan goes to bed."

"I won't." Logan piped, I sighed, "Lo, I am going to take a nap. Do you want to come with me?" she shook her head but Alex nodded as that she needed one. I took her from Alex and she protested, "Lolo, you just need to lay down with me. We can turn on a movie."

"Fine." She grumbled, I kicked off my shoes and I helped her take off her shoes as I crawled into the bed that has been lonely since Gabi left. Logan quickly rested against me and she rubbed her face against my chin and she was out faster than I was.

I moved out of the bed, my body sore, as I walked out into the living room. Logan was sitting with Alex watching something while I must have been asleep for a lot longer than I thought. "There is a chicken sandwich in there." I shook my head, "Not hungry."

"When did she get up?"

"About two hours ago."

"What time is it?"

"Eight thirty," I let my heavy eyes fall again because this past week had been more than I bargained for. "I was going to get her situated in bed. She seems to be just as tired as you."

"I'll do it." I said, I took a drink of water and I went over to Logan, "I haven't gotten to put her to bed in a week." Logan nodded as she reached up for me. She was already changed into her PJ's. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I carried her into her bedroom. "Daddy?"

"Lolo?"

"I love you," I smiled; no matter how terrible life is those three little words from your child's mouth make life worth it. It makes everything feel good on the inside, "I love you too."

"I want to talk to mommy,"

"Mommy is sleeping," I had no idea what Gabi was doing but I knew if she saw me calling her she wouldn't pick up the phone. She had turned it off again as I tried to call her before I got out of the bed. "I miss mommy,"

"I miss mommy too,"

"Is mommy mad at you?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly; I think she was mad at the world. I buried Logan underneath of the blankets and turned on her face. "Daddy, can you read me a book?"

"Not tonight sweet girl," Logan sighed and she rubbed her eyes, I made sure she had her favorite blanket as I tucked her in. She smiled and I kissed her forehead, "We have to get up in the morning to go to the park." She nodded her head, "I love you Lolo,"

"I love you daddy,"

I left her room after another kiss to her cheek. Alex was waiting for me when I retrieved my water again, "Troy, I just…I know what you are feeling."

"Did Kylie run off?" I asked straight, "Once."

I raised my eyebrows, "Really?"

"I mean she went home to her mom."

"What were you doing?"

"Playing baseball. Traveling. Doing everything that a good husband doesn't do when his wife had a miscarriage." I took a deep breath, "Alex, we do everything together. I don't understand her running off."

"She can grieve at home without a lot of eyes and questions. She is free to just lie in her bed. She has her mom and I was there but I somehow was given Logan duty,"

I let my hands cover my eyes, "Alex," I breathed, "How is she?"

"Terrible Troy, she can barely get out of bed. She feels terrible and awful and she hates that she is this way but she needs to go through it." I just rubbed my forehead; "I can't handle this right now." Alex sighed, "You'll do okay Troy, just give her some time to come to terms with everything that happened."

"Do I get to come to terms with what happened?" I asked looking over at him, Alex sighed, "We somehow get forgotten about when this happens but I understand."

"She acts like it doesn't affect me,"

"She thinks she has failed. She isn't ready to face you because she feels ashamed."

"That doesn't mean she can just leave."

Alex didn't know what to say next so I got up and I left the room, my door slammed shut and I landed flat on my bed. Fuck this.

Saturday, February 24th, 2024

Gabi's POV

I opened the door to the bookstore and Ellie quickly looked up, a smile spread over her face. "Look who is outside!" I forced a smiled, "Yea, yea,"

"How are you feeling?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. I think my body is pretty numb right now." Ellie gave a sad smile, "Have you talked to Troy?" I shook my head, "No. I haven't. I fly back March 1st."

"You are going back sooner than you thought." I sighed, "I guess I need to get back to my normal life. I needed some time but my time is now over. I need to be a mom again and go back to work."

"Are you and Troy going to be able to not rip each others heads off? You haven't been civil to each other since it happened." I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know the answer Ellie, and I don't know how mad he is. I am pretty mad myself but not at him. I am mad at everybody else. I am mad at God, I am mad at my body. I am not mad at Troy and unfortunately he is really mad at me."

"Call him,"

I shrugged, "I figured I would just wait to talk to him in Surprise."

"Call him." She forced, I let out a long sigh, "Fine."

I walked of towards the back of the store and I called him, it would be early enough that it was before the game but after practice. It rang twice and Logan answered the phone. "Momma!" I smiled hearing her sweet voice, "Hi baby girl,"

"I miss you momma,"

"I miss you too sweet girl, I'll be back soon enough."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I am. Is Daddy around?"

"Yes,"

"Can I talk to him?"

"Yes," she said, I laughed, "Lolo, give the phone to daddy,"

She grumbled and then Troy fumbled with the phone, "Yea?" I frowned, "How is Surprise,"

"Going."

I swallowed on the lump in my throat as he was being short with me and he was angry, "I uh," I looked up at the ceiling trying to stop the tears. "I guess I wanted to let you know I'm okay,"

"Good," the answer clipped of any emotion; I breathed, "Troy,"

"What?" he snapped, I shook my head, "Nothing, I'll talk to you later." I hung up the phone and it sank in how angry Troy was with me. I was angry but not with him. I went back out to Ellie and she looked at me, "Didn't go well?" I shook my head, "Do you think I should go back sooner?"

"I think it might fix some of the damage that was done."

"It's only been a week. I need more time." I breathed, "I just need more time." My hands started to shake, "I think March 1st."

"Gabi, stop putting it off. You had a week to lie in your bed and grieve. It is horrible and terrible. You have a family though that needs you and a job that needs you." I looked at her and my chest seemed to freak out, "Will you come with me?" Ellie sighed, "I have Emerson and the store,"

"Ellie," I whined, "I don't know if I can do."

"You can do it." She went behind the computer and she pulled up the Internet, "Come here, we will change your flight now." I dragged my feet behind the desk and she was clicking on many different options. "Tomorrow?"

"No, tonight." She looked at me, "If you schedule for tomorrow I will lose motivation. You might as well make it for tonight." She nodded her head with complete understanding that if I went back to my bed then I may just crawl right back into it and never leave again. "You got this girl, it's hard."

"It's scary."

"You'll do fine."

"I hope so…"

I opened the door to the apartment carefully, not wanting to wake anybody up that was asleep. My whole flight was all about thinking and going back to the moment where we heard the unbearable. I guess in our case, where we didn't hear the bearable. I eased the door shut but Troy was sitting on the couch, his eyes casted outside with a beer in his hand.

I shut the door and he turned around to face me, his eyes were dead, I looked at him and I only received a death stare in return. "Troy," I breathed, "You could have told me you were coming back tonight."

"I didn't know I was coming back tonight."

"You can fucking tell me when you are on a plane," he still cared, this was a good sign, I hesitated, "I'm sorry," he scoffed, "Gabs, I am tired. I have an early morning tomorrow."

"I'm sorry," I reemphasized, he turned around to look at me, I looked at him hoping for a couple of words but nothing came in return. He just turned and walked into the bedroom. I went over to the couch and I sank into it. My chest caved with emotion and I let out a weak sob. I told myself I was done doing this, a week was plenty of time to get myself together.

I kicked off my shoes and I went into Logan's room, it was my turn to give Troy space. I crawled into bed with Logan and I pressed my lips to the back of her head. She flipped over and she smiled when her eyes opened for a minute. "Momma," I pushed her hair away from her face, "Hi beautiful," I told her quietly, "I'm glad you are back."

"Me too, now get some rest."

She slowly started to snore again and I smiled gently as I breathed in the scent of Logan. My phone buzzed next to me and I reached over to grab it. A message from Troy was on my phone and I frowned.

You can still sleep in here.

I frowned deeply at this message. Why did he think I didn't have the right to sleep in my own bed?

Did I not have the right?

I could hear Troy groan from the room over, it was a long minute before my phone buzzed again.

Of course, I just, I don't know. We are at an awkward place right now.

Awkward place?

Was he feeling something that I wasn't feeling? My heart raced and the door opened to Logan's room. "Can we talk?" he asked, "Not through text messages?"

I sat up to look at him, "I am tired Troy, you are tired. Are moods are in different places right now. How about we talk tomorrow after your day."

Troy pressed his lips together, "Are you going to stay in here?" my eyes flickered up to him as I couldn't read if he wanted me in his room or not. "I think I am going to stay with Logan." Troy nodded, "If you need me," I just nodded my head again and I lay back down.

He shut the door and my eyes blurred with tears because it hurt when Troy and I didn't talk to each other. It hurt when I didn't wrap my arms around him at night. It hurt that we were pushed through too much. It all just hurt too much.

Troy's POV

Sunday, February 25th, 2024

I opened the door to Logan's room as Logan and Gabi were cuddled extra close to each other. I took a sip of my coffee as I tried to think about Gabi's unexpected show up last night. Last I heard from Cody, March 1st was her flight back to Surprise.

Logan grunted and she rolled onto her belly. Seeing Gabi made it harder to be mad at her because she didn't look the same. Her eyes were sad as hell and she was upset but I was still angry.

Last night when she didn't come to the bedroom, I wanted her to come but I also didn't want to talk to her. It was an odd balance between love and anger between the people that you loved. A knock came at the door; Alex was here to watch Logan. I cursed that I forgot to tell him Gabi was back.

Going over to open the door and Alex looked at me with a worn smile, "Gabi showed up last night." Alex raised an eyebrow, "Does Kylie know?"

"I have no clue. She got here around midnight. She is currently sleeping with Logan." Alex took a peek into the room, "How is she?" I shrugged my shoulders, "We haven't talked."

Alex sent me a glance, "We are. Later today."

"Go easy, she is just, if not more, upset than you are."

I rolled my eyes as I went to refill my coffee; another bang came at the door as Zach much be leaving. "I am out of here, I am assuming you can handle both of them." He nodded his head and I walked out of the door with my bag over my shoulder. Zach and Josh were talking, as Josh seemed distraught, "What's wrong?"

"I can't trust her." He seethed, "She went out with friends and I just…I couldn't trust that she was hanging out with other males or kissing them." Zach gave me a look that said, see, this could be you. I rolled my eyes, as Josh was being overdramatic. I get that Melissa cheated on him but Melissa showed that she fucked up. She apologized to the world and she stayed with him twenty-four seven to let him keep an eye on her.

My wife just didn't trust me enough and I think that hurt the most.

Gabi's POV

My dad played with Logan and he smiled over at me, "How are you feeling?" I shrugged my shoulder while I took a drink of my tea that I had made. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"My husband is angry with me, I lost another baby, my daughter has no idea about any of it and I just feel lost." My dad sighed when Logan looked up at me. I smiled at her and she then went back to coloring. I bit down on my lip and he came over to hug me, "You and Troy really need to talk. I keep hearing both sides of this and there is a lot of miscommunication."

"Not really. He basically gets that I didn't want to be here with him."

"Why?"

I shrugged; I didn't want to tell him the real reason before I got a chance to tell Troy the real reason. My dad looked at me knowing that I did have a reason and I wasn't sharing the reason.

"Dad, I feel like I should tell Troy first before I tell you." He sighed, "Fair enough."

"Thank you for taking care of Logan for me, I wasn't in the right state of mind."

"No, you weren't."

"I barely remember that night." My dad laughed, "I'm glad because I wish I could forget it. I have never seen you so upset before," I looked at him and he paused, "I take that back. There was one other time."

"What time?" I questioned, he bit on his lip, "The day you broke up with Troy," I sucked in a breath as my lungs seemed too faulty. I was a mess for that entire summer. "You were inconsolable when that happened. I could barely talk to you without you bursting into tears."

"I was happy to spend a lot of that summer alone."

"It scared the hell out of me,"

"That was ten years ago dad,"

"That is unbelievable," I agreed because it feels like it was just yesterday that Troy and I were getting back together and embarking on a different world. "I know, I don't feel twenty nine," my dad groaned, "Don't remind me."

I smiled when Logan came running over, "And I can't believe she is four," I pulled her up into my lap and my dad smiled at her. "Mommy?"

"Logi?"

"When will daddy be home?"

"Soon," I said glancing over at the clock, I wasn't sure if I was ready for him to come home yet because I didn't want to talk to him. I couldn't talk to him.

"Will you take her?" my dad nodded, "If you promise to talk to him."

"Yea, we already discussed that we would talk today. After our tiff last night."

"What tiff?"

"He was mad as soon as I walked in the door."

"I can't blame him Gabi, you just left."

"You don't know why," I argued back, "Then tell me,"

"I will tell you once I tell him."

The key unlocked the door and Logan jumped off my lap to go greet Troy at the door. He was worn and beat up from the Arizona sun. I let out a sigh and he looked up at me, Logan wrapped her body around his leg as I looked down at my phone.

"Logi, do you want to go get ice cream?" my dad asked her, she squealed and unlatched herself from Troy's leg to scramble to put her shoes on.

The room grew with a deep tension as I glanced out the window of the apartment and Troy walked around the apartment without making eye contact.

My dad scooped Logan up, "Be good!" I called, "I will," my dad answered causing Logan to giggle. I shook my head and once the door slammed shut after them, the room grew hazy with a fog.

I spun my fingers around in a circle on the counter when he slammed his hand onto the door. My spine went rigid and I felt my body crumple. "Do you know that I have fought every fucking day for your trust?" I spun around on the bar stool to face him. "Trust?" I echoed, he nodded; I looked at him like he was insane, and "This is about trust?" I questioned, Troy nodded, "and you never trust me with absolutely anything."

"I'm not following," his face turned red, "I don't know how you don't understand. You just flee when shit gets too hard for you."

"I didn't flee Troy, I went home to be with my family."

"I am your family!" his voice boomed inside the apartment and the noise caused me to flinch. "Why don't you just understand that I am your family? Logan is your family. WE are a family." I slid off the stool as I walked around in a circle trying to understand where this is going.

"Will you just please tell me what the hell is wrong so we can get to the bottom of it?" I asked him, "I don't want to dance around this anymore. You are pissed at me and I don't understand."

"You left." He seethed, "You just left."

"I was hurt Troy,"

"And I wasn't?" he argued, I bowed my head as tears pooled in the back of my throat, my chest got really tight as I looked up at me, "I never said you weren't,"

"Then why do you just assume that we can handle these things together? We are a unit. We are supposed to handle things like this together."

"That was my third miscarriage Troy, my third. The first one didn't hurt, the second one made my heart bleed, this one made my heart shatter and blood gush everywhere. I don't know how to explain to you what I was feeling."

Troy flinched, "Your first miscarriage hurt the hell out of me, your second tore me apart, and this one has me angry at everybody but mostly at you for just leaving me when I needed you."

My eyes flashed into his because he never said he needed me. Not in that type of way. "I needed you to be here so that I could be upset with somebody. I needed you here so I could make sure you were okay,"

"I don't need you making sure I am okay. I am a strong independent woman Troy,"

He bowed his head, "When will you stop for one minute being the strong independent woman and just let me be there for you?" he argued, "When?" I turned away as his voice cracked from the pressure of the moment and I rested my elbows on the counter and I buried my face into my hands as I started to cry.

I heard Troy collapse onto the couch with frustration, I pulled away pushing my hair away from my face. I turned around to face him, "I didn't want you to see me like that Troy, and I have never hurt so badly in my life." He didn't look at me so I continued, "I have never hurt so badly and I have never felt so terrible. I hate that I can not give you another baby and when we didn't hear that heartbeat in the room, I watched you break in half because the baby we have been trying so hard for just disappeared without a noise in the room."

He pulled his hat down onto his head, twisted it around, "I saw your heartbreak and I felt fucking terrible because my body for some fucking reason can't handle getting or being pregnant and I know how much you want another kid. I know how much you want a boy and I couldn't be here for you to watch me fall apart because I know that will kill you just as much as losing that baby killed you."

His eyes finally casted towards mine as I had tears streaming down my face, "I hate disappointing you Troy, I hate that I am not good enough for you. I hate that I can't give you more children. I hate that I can't give Logan a sibling. I hate everything so much that my body hurts. My dad said it earlier, the only other time I was this upset over something was when I broke things off with you. This one hurt because I saw how much it affected you this time. I couldn't do this because of you. I couldn't stay because of you. Did I want to stay? Yes, a million fucking times yes I just wanted to curl into your arms but I couldn't because this one hurt you too much. I couldn't handle watching you fall apart and maybe I was wrong and maybe I am stupid but I couldn't do it."

Troy pressed his lips together tightly, he never said one word, and he never made a single noise and my stomach curled into many layers of knots. "Hate me Troy, I don't care but I would make the same choice all over again. I did need space but you also needed space. Yes, I know how much you hurt. Yes, I am selfish for just leaving. Yes, I am a worthless wife." His jaw worked back and forth as he then got up, grabbed his keys, and walked out of the apartment.

Not a single word ever left his mouth the entire time I confessed the most painful thing that I had done to him and he just walked out. Tears fell down my cheeks and I covered my mouth from the pain that I felt for him just walking out without saying a word. I hate you would have been better than nothing. Nothing seemed like there was a billion words being said and none of them were very nice.

I lay in bed late at night and Troy had yet to ever return. Logan had fallen asleep and I had told Dad absolutely everything that I had told Troy. My dad seemed disappointed in Troy.

I rolled onto my side when the bedroom door opened, Troy came into the room and he slipped underneath of the blankets. I could smell the beer on top of him as he faced the ceiling. "Don't," I urged, "Just don't." I pulled my body in tighter and he sighed, "I wasn't going to anyways."

"Why the hell did you just leave?"

"Isn't that what you did?" it was a slap across the face and I pushed back the blankets, "I'm going to go lay with Logan."

He didn't protest and he didn't move away from the spot, he didn't say another word causing for more silence. My stomach rocked as I didn't go to Logan's room, I went to the couch and I relaxed against it. My shoulders shook with sobs and I pulled a blanket up over me.

I expected Troy to come out of the room but he never did. We were supposed to talk today but we never talked we just argued. I told him my side of the story and he left angry about what I had to say. This is not how I imagined the talk going. This is not how imagined my life with Troy. This wasn't it.

Troy's POV

I lay in bed; my eyes casted onto the ceiling as I debated chasing after her or just letting her go out there. What I said was mean and I didn't mean a single word of it and when I left earlier it was more complicated than just leaving. I couldn't handle her say all of those things about herself. I think, I was feeling everything she felt the other day. Leaving was more complicated then just leaving. She had a whole story and a reason behind walking out of the door.

My heart broke then because se didn't want to see me upset and I couldn't handle it. I just got up and left and I felt bad because I knew she was hurt.

Finally deciding to go and find her, I rolled out of bed and I walked into the living room and I saw her lying on the couch. She was rolled onto her side clutching the blanket close. I walked over and I picked her up and draped her in my arms. She groaned and then rested her head against my chest. A lot of anger slipped away with her in my arms because it was hard to be mad at her. I kissed her forehead gently as I haven't kissed her since that Friday. Since she has been back I haven't told her I loved her. I was failing as a husband and I hated it.

I laid her down onto the bed and I tucked her in as I sat up watching her sleep for a little bit and I pulled her close to me, I breathed out and pressed my lips to the back of her head.

Monday, February 26th, 2024

Gabi's POV

I woke up in my bed with Troy next to me so either I slept walked to the room or Troy came to get me. It made me feel a little bit better that he came to get me. I poured a cup of coffee and I took a sip of it.

Logan was still fast asleep in her room as she had some how gotten to stay up late last night. I pulled out the bagels and I felt Troy's hands wrap around my waist, I tensed up slightly because he hasn't touched me, without me knowing, since before hand. He lowered his head onto my shoulder, "I'm sorry," he breathed, I pulled away from him, "Am I supposed to just forgive you?" he let out a long breath, "I don't know I just…it's my turn to talk."

I nodded my head, "I don't hate you, you aren't worthless, and I absolutely hate that you feel every way you feel." My heart slowed down as I looked at him, "I hate that you think you aren't good enough for me because that is what hurts. Would I love another child? Of course. I am not going to put you through that pain again though," I looked at him, as my heart broke, "Troy, I'm not done,"

"I'm not done," he said, "I want you to know that I am in love with you and I wish you would just talk to me instead of running. It hurt, being in that room with you hurt and I hurt so badly because I knew, I knew what was going to happen. I knew it was going to kill you. I knew it was going to cause you to feel what you never wanted to feel again. That is why I got so upset in that room that day. Yes, I hurt that we don't have a baby anymore but what hurts more is that you have to go through that. Then the D&C?"

I bit the inside of my cheek listening to him talk and the tears pooled in my eyes. "I wish I could have been there for you and I wish that you would have let me be there for you because I can't even imagine."

"I'm sorry," I confessed through the bubble of tears, "I'm so sorry," he pulled me into his arms and he brushed his lips into my hair, "I'm sorry," he said, neither of us said another word between each other as he just held me close. "I love you," he whispered, words that were refreshing. "I love you too." I said, I looked up at him and he kissed me gently, he then just wrapped his arms around me to hold me close. "I'm not giving up having children,"

Troy pulled away to look at me, a pain flashing across his face, "Brie,"

"Troy, I am capable of having another baby,"

"Three out of one," Troy spoke, I let out a long sigh, "I can't do it, and I can't just give this up." Troy nodded his head, not wanting to get into the argument of it. "If it happens again," I nodded, "I know," I said lowering my body closer to him. "I know."

Whoa…tension is flying!

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