Feelings

I saw that blade,

The same blade that

Draws your blood,

Not just any blood,

your blood,

Not just your blood,

but mine as well,

Our fluids that

Supports our lives

vanish into a

Rainy stream on the floor,

I stand there

looking into

your dimming eyes

is mine dimming too?

I fall into a pit

of Darkness,

into numbness.

I stood there, watching my blood fall into the sink.

I was sliping into the numbness.

Barely aware of you watching me.

Where those tears in your eyes?

Do you still cry for me?

Even after all the pain I cause?

As I fall, is it you catching me?

Holding me?

Carrying me?

Barely holding on.

Don't want to hold on.

I feel wettness on my cheeks.

Are those my tears?

Really?

I think they are yours.

Does this make sence?

There are flashes of light in my darkness.

I don't want to be awaken.

I don't want your to hear my excuses pouring out of my mouth.

I don't want you of all people to tell me everything is fine.

I don't need you to do that.

I don't want your pity.

You could never love me.

I see pictures.

No, not pictures.

Movies of my life.

My pitiful life.

The life I have no control over.

But those movies make me want you.

It makes me want to live.

Right through all the deaths.

Into your arms.

But.

They will lock me up now.

Even if I live.

I don't want to live without you.

But.

You won't have me.

Will you?

I'm confused.

I need help.

I don't want help.

Let me die.

I feel tears.

So many tears.

Are they leaking out of my eyes as I live in my darkness?

Or do they melt into the darkness, never to be shed?

Why do these thoughts...

Go through my head?

Will they forgive me if I live?

Will they still love me?

Me, who is so lost inside of this darkness?

I look for a light.

I can't find one.

I don't have one.

I am alone.

Where is that person who save this life?

The life who didn't want to be saved.

The unloved one?

Why am I opening my eyes?

The light is blinding me.

I see your face.

The one who tried to save me.

I do see tears in your eyes.

Who thought you of all people would cry over me?

When I brought you so much greif?

Do I really mean that much?

To someone so kind?

To someone who's bossy?

Tears are falling out of my tearless eyes.

If there are tears falling our of my eyes?

That means their not tearless.

This hurts.

Seeing the hurt in your face.

I know I'm not smiling.

Like I would.

I have attempted death...

and failed.

You caused me to fail.

I've loved you.

I didn't want you to find out.

Now will you ask me that question I fear?

The one that will hurt in so many ways.

Why?

Why did I do what I did?

I hurt.

I hurt because I can't have you.

You know that right?

I hurt.

From to many losses.

But don't ask...

The exact reason...

I hurt...

It's to painful to say...

I fear that...

I'd die telling you.

Sorry.

Don't ask.

I won't answer.

I'll try again.

Sorry.

Sorry.

that's a rare one for me.

Don't ask

I'm tried.

I close my eyes.

You tell me not too.

I can't help it.

I'm tired.

Your beging me to keep them open.

Why?

Will you really miss me that much?

I can't hear you anylonger.

Don't make a confession.

I'm sorry.

I really do love you.

To bad you can't read my mind.