Two Months Later…
"Emma, I'm coming over whether you like it or not. Leave the door unlocked if you don't want to get up to let me in."
Mary Margaret's voicemail was short and to the point. I deleted it and fell back onto the couch, pulling my blanket back over myself. I unmuted the TV and let myself get back into the adventures of Rick and his crew in The Walking Dead.
She knocked softly on the door when she arrived. Then after waiting a few seconds, she just walked in. She was carrying a 9x9 pan of what smelled like lasagna. That was enough to get me to look away from the TV screen and in her direction.
"Mary Margaret, I told you that you don't have to bring me food."
My voice was listless and tired.
"Until you prove to me that you're not starving yourself and watching Netflix all day long, I will continue caring about you."
"I'm fine."
"At least go for a five minute walk on the beach. Or just go work on your tan," she said.
"You're not my mother. I'm fine."
"Did you go to your counseling appointment today?" she persisted.
"Leave her alone," David said as he nudged his way in through the open door.
He was carrying two sacks of groceries which he set on my counter.
"In the two months since what happened, she hasn't made any effort to go. No matter how many times we set it up for her," he sighed. "She'll go when she's ready to go. You know it's not as easy as just hopping in a car and driving there."
"Thanks, David," I said, turning back to the TV.
"I'm not encouraging this behavior, Emma," he protested. "You're an adult and you need to start acting like one. But what you went through was horrible. No one should have to lose a child, ever. Let alone in such circumstances."
My face went white.
"Go. Just go," I said in a low voice.
"Emma, we just want to help," Mary Margaret said softly.
"Get out of here!" I yelled. "Before I get you two hurt. Everyone around me dies. Everyone. Save yourselves while you still can."
"Emma," she said, pleading.
"I said the wrong thing, Mary Margaret. She'll be okay. She just needs some time," David coaxed her.
I turned away as they quietly left. Only after I heard the door shut, did I allow myself to cry. Tears for my lost son. Tears for the broken person I'd become. Tears because I had lost hope of ever feeling whole again.
My life hadn't been easy from the very start. Henry had been the thing that had brought sunshine into my life and made me happy to get out of bed and see his smiling face in the morning. I had been making sure that his future was nothing like what I'd suffered through. He loved me when I thought no one ever would.
I don't know how long I sat blankly looking at the wall before my eyes dried. And it was even longer before I reached for the remote and unpaused my show. This was my escape. This was the only way I could live with myself.