I woke up on my deck. I didn't remember falling asleep the night before. Apparently, I had sobbed myself to sleep after throwing the key out. I stumbled to my feet and back into the house. I dug around in the kitchen drawers until I found my abandoned car keys. I hadn't been up to driving in quite a while.

Without even bothering to put shoes or a jacket on, I walked out to my car and drove away. I didn't realize where I wanted to go until I pulled into the school parking lot. I hadn't been back since it happened. The sight that brought tears to my eyes was the chain link fence in front of the school. The entire length of the fence was woven with flowers and pieces of paper.

I parked my car and walked up and down the length of the fence, reading the messages.

Sophia: We'll never forget you. You were a ray of sunshine in a world of darkness.

You saved my life by shielding me. I wish I could thank you.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to all the families who were affected by this.

I miss your smile.

Heaven gained a lot of angels on that day.

Patrick, I hope you're in a better place.

It was a while before I came across one about Henry.

It doesn't seem fair that you died and I lived. I miss my best friend, Henry.

At that point, I had to step away. I was in no shape to drive home. I probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place. I called Mary Margaret and she came right away. I was sitting in front of the fence when she arrived. She walked up quietly and sat beside me.

"The first note and flowers appeared not even an hour after everything happened," Mary Margaret said quietly. "I think there's a few up there for you. You saved a lot of lives by hiding those kids. And no one's seen you since the shooting. They wanted to thank you in some small way."

"My son died because I saved those kids," I said, wiping at tears. "I don't regret what I did, but I wish… I wish there had been some way to do both. He didn't deserve to die, Mary Margaret."

"No one who died that day, deserved to die," she replied. "I don't know why it happened but you can't change it."

"I know. I just… I wanted him to have a good life," I sobbed. "I wanted us both to have a good life."

"He did have a good life."

Mary Margaret put her arm around me and pulled me closer as I started crying harder.

After a while, she got me into her car and drove me home. She settled me on the couch with some reheated lasagna and turned on Netflix for me.

"If this is how you cope for a while, that's fine," she said. "But one day you're going to find something else to live for."

She sat with me until I drifted off to sleep and when I woke, she was gone. She'd left a note on the counter telling me that she and David would bring my car back from the school for me and to call if I needed anything.

It was approaching sunset and I found myself walking out to the deck with a mug of tea and honey.

Sure enough, within minutes, the golden retriever bounded up onto my lap and started licking my face. About thirty seconds later, her red-faced owner came up the steps.

"I didn't see you yesterday," he said casually.

"I told you not to count on it," I replied coolly.

I petted the dog as he stood there.

"She really likes you," he commented. "Do you have a dog?"

I shook my head. That was something Henry and I had been talking about doing since we had a home to ourselves. But we'd never gotten around to doing it.

"Well you're welcome to borrow my bag of fleas whenever you're feeling lonely," Killian offered. "She won't take no for an answer."

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm going to finish my walk now," he said, grabbing for his dog's collar. "See you tomorrow."

I didn't argue with him. And I didn't turn away, instead watching him and his dog leave.

"Good-bye, Emma," he called from the bottom of the steps.

"Good-bye," I said softly.