The next day, I purposefully didn't go out onto the deck. But I did watch from the second story window as Killian and his dog walked past. Or I should say, ran past. He was hurrying to catch up with the energetic Goldie. I found myself stifling a laugh as I watched. Then immediately turned away and hurried downstairs to the TV. Laughing wasn't something that I deserved to do anymore. Henry and I used to laugh together.
Mary Margaret came over the day after that, bringing David with her.
"Ms. Robins saw you the other day when you were outside the school and she asked me to give this to you," she announced as she walked in the door.
She handed me a colorful basket filled with various items.
"Body wash, shampoo, and lotion," I listed off. "Is she trying to say something about my smell?"
Mary Margaret laughed. "It's a kind gesture."
"I'll take that body wash if you don't want it," David joked.
Mary Margaret smacked him playfully in the shoulder.
"What? Green apple is my favorite scent…" he winked at his wife.
"I brought stuff for hamburgers and hot dogs," Mary Margaret changed the subject.
"I have a grill out back but I don't know how to use it," I hedged.
"That's why I brought David."
I stood and watched as they took over my kitchen preparing dinner. I wasn't even that hungry, but I didn't want to hurt Mary Margaret's feelings. But when I heard a familiar voice from the deck, I froze.
"Oh I'm so sorry," he said just as breathlessly.
"Nice dog," David was saying.
Goldie. Of course.
"Does Emma still live here?" Killian asked.
"Yeah, my wife and I are friends of hers. We're just visiting," David replied easily. "How do you know Emma?"
"My dog likes her deck for some reason," he said. "To my extreme embarrassment."
"Emma! You're friend, Killian is here!" David called. Then lowering his voice he continued talking to Killian. "Just a word of advice, if you want to be her friend, don't let her push you away."
"She is pretty distant at times."
"David, stop pretending you're an expert on Emma!" Mary Margaret yelled.
She smiled at me and then continued slicing tomatoes. I rolled my eyes and sank back onto the couch where I was out of sight. I half listened to their conversation, which turned to football. Typical men.
Mary Margaret walked over and leaned across the couch (and me) to grab the TV remote.
"There's a new episode of New Girl on tonight," she explained. "And I know David won't let me watch it at home so we're watching it right now."
"I've been recording it…" I admitted.
"See?" she beamed. "This is why we're best friends."
I was pretty sure David heard our exchange because a second later he came back in with a plate of meat and started talking to us.
"Hey there's a game on right now and I invited Killian to join us."
Mary Margaret and I both turned and glared at him.
"My TV. My house. My rules," I said.
"I'd love to watch the latest New Girl episode," Killian said, poking his head through the door.
Goldie took that as a sign that she could come in and immediately jumped onto me. I stroked her fur and she lay down. She was a little heavy but I didn't mind.
"I'll bring you a hamburger," Mary Margaret laughed.
"Thanks, hon," I said drily.
I wasn't happy about David inviting Killian, but what could I say? Killian annoyed me but part of me wondered if it wasn't just because I push everyone away since the accident. Henry had been the only good man in my life and no one could ever be as good as him.
So I remained completely silent for the rest of the night. Mary Margaret and David loved Killian and kept him talking and talking about his life. Apparently he is a police detective. And he had worked on the shooting incident at the school. I tried to tune it out. He kept talking because he hadn't made the connection between my name and the school shooting. Mary Margaret kept glancing at me, but I pretended that I was focusing on the show.
I didn't want to know anything about the shooter. I didn't want to know why he had done those things. I didn't want to hear about his hard family life. I didn't want to hear about how he was still alive when my son was dead.