Chapter 15 – Education

Friday, July 5th, 2024

Gabi's POV

My eyes casted towards Logan as the machines beeped around me and a nurse came in again, she smiled at me and I brazed a smile back. I was weary and not on enough sleep to get me through this day. Nothing was going to get me through this day.

"How are you holding up Mrs. Bolton?" my eyes snapped to the nurse and I tried to form words but nothing came out of my mouth, I shut my mouth and shrugged my shoulders. My eyes went back to my daughter who was getting her color back, she was finally looking better after a lot of bags of fluid. "I understand how upsetting this is," I let out an airy laugh, "Shocking," I muttered, I looked down at my feet to keep the tears at bay.

"Here," I looked up to see Troy holding a Starbucks coffee. My eyes connected with his, "Thank you,"

"Two extra shots," he said, "You are a blessing,"

He nodded as he leaned back against the wall, neither of us slept at all last night. We took shifts comforting Logan and laying with her. The hospital bed was ungodly miserable to sleep on and when we switched roles there was a chair but no sleep would come because our minds couldn't shut off. Our minds wouldn't shut up and we talked about pointless shit all night. We talked to keep us from going sane.

"This is Logan Bolton,"

"The star pitchers daughter?" Troy's eyes lingered on the door to the PICU as a person sighed, "We treat everybody, do not gawk, do your job," the doctor sounded pained with his speech as he came into the room. "Rachel, you may begin," I stood up a little straighter with my Starbucks in my arms. Troy's eyes narrowed tightly as we looked at each other and then back to the group of doctors that had just walked into the room.

"This is Logan Bolton, age four, she was brought in last night severely dehydrated, couldn't stay awake, she weighed in at twenty-nine pounds which was an eleven pound difference in a little over 15 days," my chest ached with the words they were speaking, "Fran," the doctor ordered, the girl jolted with a nervous energy and started to talk. "The ER staff quickly concluded the problem and they confirmed it with a blood and urine test. Logan was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes."

"Last blood sugar,"

"209,"

The doctor sighed; he then took two steps forward to finally introduce himself. "I am Dr. Kenning from the endocrinology ward. These are my interns for the week and I am doing rounds on your daughter."

Troy stood up to shake his hand, "Thank you, is there anything you can tell us?"

"We are happy that she is responding to insulin, her blood sugar is still coming down but she is still in DKA, her ketones are still large and that concerns us." Troy nodded and Dr. Kenning smiled, "It's a good thing diabetics are starting to live longer, they used to," My eyes went straight to him as tears threatened my eyes, Troy took a fast notice at my demeanor change, "Thank you Dr. Kenning, but I think she is good, we are good,"

It was too late.

"Do not talk about death and my daughter in the same damn sentence!" the doctor looked at me surprised, "What?"

"You just said that my daughter might get to live a longer life because of better technology,"

"Yes, I did,"

"You said might, I don't like the word might when my daughter is laying in the hospital bed." Troy eased his arm around me, "It's okay Brie," he eased me backwards and the doctor cleared his throat. "Have a nice day ma'am,"

He walked out with shocked residents as I gasped for air, "Oh my god," I breathed, "He didn't just say that," my fingers ran through my hair and down my face as I was stunned. I didn't know what to do or to say. "Gabi, I am so sorry, I heard what he said," Jamie came into the room, a bag shifted over her shoulder, her car keys dangling in her hand. "That was awful, diabetics can live a very, very normal life and live to be 110 years old if they take care of themselves. Just like everybody needs to eat healthy to live that long. Yes, a hundred years ago things were a lot different but the technology and advances they have made there might be a cure,"

I breathed out into the air and tilted my head back gently, "Thank you Jamie,"

"You are more than welcome, Kenning is getting old and he doesn't understand,"

"She will not be her doctor,"

"I will make that note, I promise,"

"Thank you,"

"I'll come check on you guys tomorrow night, when I come in for my next shift,"

"Thank you Jamie, you have truly helped us." Jamie smiled as she walked out; Troy pulled me into his arm gently and kissed the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, I tried,"

"He shouldn't have said that,"

"I know,"

"Mommy?" I let go of Troy and I looked over at Logan who was crashed in the bed, "Hi baby," I crawled onto the bed and she quickly curled into me, "Mommy, can we go home?" I gave her a soft smile, "No, I am sorry sweetie," she frowned deeply, "Tonight?"

"Sorry baby girl, we are going to spend a couple of nights here at the hospital," she shook her head and tears filled her eyes, "I know baby, I know," she climbed into my lap and I circled her in my arms as she started to cry. My heart broke because she was confused and didn't know what was going on, "We are going to move you guys floors today," a new nurse came into the room and Troy looked over at her. "My name is Allison but I wont be here very long, you will have two nurses upstairs. Jenny and Camryn,"

"Thank you, when will we move floors?"

"In about an hour,"

"Can we have visitors upstairs?"

"Yes, as many as you can cram into your very private room,"

"Thank you," Troy said, she left after checking her blood sugar again which caused more tears. I rubbed her back because Logan had equally as long of a night. She woke up every hour when she was getting her blood sugar checked and she had to pee twice. Logan stuffed her face into my shoulder and I rubbed her back, I tilted my head back onto the bed, as I was so tired. "No more finger,"

Tears welled in my eyes, "I wish I could promise that baby girl,"

Zach's POV

I leaned against my locker in the clubhouse and I felt my heart sink at Troy's text message. I looked up at the members of the Kansas City Royals, the team that was falling apart with Troy's absence and now that Logan, the team's favorite child, is sick?

I rubbed my forehead and I turned off the music and I got a lot of looks, "Zach, man, what the hell?"

"We need to talk about something," I announced, a lot of the guys looked around to make sure everybody was here, Coach Hays came out of the office as he looked at me and I bit on my lip and let out a long breath, "Last night, Troy and Gabi took Logan to the hospital because she couldn't stay awake and wasn't feeling well,"

The team knew Logan wasn't feeling the same as normal. They knew Gabi and Troy were having marriages problems. They knew just about everything between those two by the close environment they lived in. "Roughly two hours into their visit, they got the diagnosis,"

"What is it Zach? Is Logan okay?"

Salvy, always concerned and Eric was close behind, his looks pained because they knew it wasn't good if I was the one standing up making a speech on Troy's behalf. "She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes last night," a collective gasp went throughout the room and I shook my head, "Of course, Gabi and Troy are in a state of shock and Logan is still pretty sick. She will be in Children's Mercy Hospital for at least the weekend, if not longer, to get her stable and to get the education they need to take care of their daughter."

Salvy was torn up about it, Eric turned towards his locker, and Mike looked like he could puke. "Is she going to be okay?"

"It will be a long battle for all three of them. They need our support as a team,"

"Hays, can we go see them?" Eric asked, "How are we supposed to go out there and play tonight without seeing them?" Hays let out a loud exhale, his eyes floated to the clock to see that it was just a little after eleven. We were due in early today for a couple of meetings since it was the beginning of a series and because we were playing like shit.

"You can't all be going at once,"

"I am going up after the game. I already told Troy that is when I was going up there to spend more time with the family. Have 12 go today and 12 go tomorrow,"

"They do not want money," I announced, "Flowers, stuffed animals, or toys for Logan would be the best for her to do in the hospital. She will be thrilled to see all of you guys in her room today. Troy will love seeing his teammate rally around him when he needs it most."

The group nodded as quickly 12 people were grabbing their things and racing to the door. Josh sat in his chair quietly as he turned around in a circle; I got up and walked over to him, "Josh,"

"What is wrong?" I poked, he sighed, "I feel horrible for Gabi and Troy, and I feel horrible because I understand why they are so pissed at me,"

"He wants to see you,"

"Not Melissa,"

"No, not Melissa,"

"This isn't fair to her!"

I looked at Josh, "Dude, Gabi is not in any state to be dealing with Melissa right now and you know that. What Melissa did was horrible and Gabi will not forgive her that easily, understood? So you are going to the damn hospital with me tonight because like Gabi said, you are her friend and that will not change. She accepted Melissa into the group for you and now Gabi is angry."

Josh looked at me wide-eyed, "Okay,"

Gabi's POV

Logan was watching TV in her private room when I heard a rumble from down the hallway, my eyes peered out of her room when I smiled for the first time in the past twenty-four hours, "What in the hell," a couple of nurses turned heads as a group in Royal Blue came clouding down the hallway.

Cut-off t-shirts and Nike shorts appeared as I got up to see all of them checking into the floor. Nurses turned looks and Troy came over and he laughed, "Logi," she turned her head and she got up quickly, her IV tugging at her hand and she whimpered, "Hang on sweetie,"

Troy propped open the door and the guys that were already checked in came rushing down the hallway. I got up from Logan's bed and they started to give Troy their handshakes and whatever. Hosmer was the first one to reach me and he wrapped me tightly into his arms. "Gabi, I am so sorry,"

"We're okay," I said quietly, "She is so excited to see you guys,"

I got a big hug from every boy on the team and Logan laughed with excitement as they all came stumbling into the room. Each boy held her for a couple of minutes, stuffed animals were passed around and a couple of flowers began to decorate the room. Coloring books and new crayons came from all of the boys and several new movies.

I smiled and Troy stood next to me, "This is why I am never leaving," Troy said, his eyes casting around at his 12 teammates standing in front of him. Talking to Logan and making her laugh, "Momma, my boys!"

I nodded my head and I wiped a tear away, "Well, what a party so early on the floor," a nurse came into the room that was pretty full. Logan grinned, "These are my boys," she proceeded to go around and announce them all by nickname, tears raced down my face as I looked at her. "Daddy, where are the rest?"

Troy laughed, he was standing next to a couple of pitchers, "They will come see you tomorrow Logan," Moose said to her, Logan grinned, "Yay!" I wiped my tears away as they continued to show Logan love but I knew they were going to have to leave soon. They had a game to play this afternoon.

They started to wrap it up and they gave all of us more hugs. "We'll come visit you guys again," a lot of them, said this and I knew they would because they were home until the all-star game. They escaped out and signed a couple of autographs on the floor. Troy joined them and when he came back I knew I needed to call my boss. "I am going to call Joel,"

He nodded, he came back over to tuck my loose hair behind my ears, Logan was grinning but also exhausted from an hour worth of visitors. "They made her really happy,"

"I know, she loves those boys,"

"Zach said they were all distraught,"

"He told them,"

"I asked him too."

I nodded, "I am going to call him,"

I took my cell phone and I escaped down the elevator and out of the hospital so I could breathe. I needed fresh air.

Looking around, I found a bench to sit on and I quickly made myself cozy as I dialed Joel's number. It rang twice before he answered, "Gabi,"

"Hi Joel,"

"How is Logan? Did you guys,"

"You haven't heard?"

"No, I haven't, I am running late…"

I rubbed my temple; "She was diagnosed with type one diabetes last night,"

"Shit, Gabi,"

"I know," I took a deep breath, "Half the team actually just came to visit her. She is a lot better spirits now than she was beforehand."

"I am so sorry Gabi,"

"It's okay, I am just going to need more time off of work, I am so sorry,"

"Gabi, take the rest of July off." He quickly said, "The all-star break is next week and then take some more time," I shook my head, "No, I will come back after the all-star break,"

"Gabi, that is so soon after such a big,"

"We are going to be fine, we need to keep her life normal,"

"Are you sure Gabi?"

"Yes,"

"Well, the offer of a long-term break stands, our ratings our down with a bad season at hand and we can give Danni a try,"

"She won't steal my job right?"

"Of course not," he said lightly, I smiled and I wiped away tears, I breathed, "Thank you for understanding Joel,"

"Gabi, you do so much for this program. This is the least we can do for you, Troy and you have been through a lot this year."

"Thank you, I can not express how much this means to me."

"I'll come see you tomorrow morning,"

"Okay, thank you Joel,"

I rubbed my forehead and I took a deep breath as I heard a voice, I looked up and I saw Cody with Ben running by his side. "Gabi," I stood up with tears in my eyes as Cody embraced me into his arms. "How is she? When Troy called me last night I panicked, I wanted to come see her then,"

"She is doing a lot better," I said pulling away, my thumbs wiped away tears, "Half of the Royals came to see her and that put her into a lot better mood. They said her blood sugar is finally coming down but she still has ketones or something, I don't know, I am barely understanding."

"How are you and Troy doing?" I hugged Ben as he settled into my arms and I let out a breath, "He is acting like Troy,"

Cody almost looked at me surprised but the shock factor was quickly hidden from his face. "He has put on the brave face for Logan because I am obviously a mess,"

"I am glad he isn't being rude or anything,"

"I think maybe this will help us," I offered, "He is just as scared as I am."

"Let's go up and see her,"

"Where are Anna and Ryan?"

"Becca and Ryan are sleeping, Anna slept over at my moms house last night."

"Not Ben?" he shook his head into my shoulder as I carried him into the hospital. Cody checked in and I showed them up to the floor. We walked to the hospital room where Troy was holding Logan but gazing out the window. "Lo!" Ben squirmed to get down and ran over to Logan, Logan picked up her head and she smiled as Troy turned around to see Cody. Troy looked at his best friend for as long as possible and I knew he needed a break.

"Hey Lo," Cody took her from Troy and hugged her as Logan started talking a mile a minute. He then put her down as Ben climbed onto the bed with her and they started talking a mile a minute. Troy embraced Cody into their manly hug and I nodded, "You guys want to go grab some food?" I offered, Troy nodded and Cody smiled, "I'll take care of him,"

I thanked Cody as he walked by and I looked at Ben and Logan who were so close with each other. Logan giggled about something and I settled into the chair beside her bed as a nurse strolled through. "So many visitors,"

"She makes a lot of people smile," I told the nurse, the nurse smiled back, "I can see why,"

My eyes turned to Logan and I always smiled at Logan but I figured it was because she was my child. She could make me smile when she just gave me her little grin that meant she was up to trouble. She could make me smile but a simple touch, laugh, or a little look from her eyes. Logan was the center of my world and that made me happy to know that I could find a smile within her; I just needed her to be happy.

Troy's POV

I grabbed another coffee, my third of the day. It was the only thing that was keeping me going in this day due to the lack of sleep last night. Cody grabbed water as he looked up at me and I looked at him, "You okay man?"

My mind couldn't form words to express how I was feeling.

I was angry.

I was pissed.

I was upset.

I was lost.

I was confused.

I was concerned.

I was pissed.

I had so many different emotions that could only be summed up in a little less than two words – pissed. I was pissed. "Why her?" my lungs exploded with anger and Cody eased back into the booth he was sitting in, I sat my coffee down onto the table as I pressed my fingers into my eyes to keep tears at bay. "Why did my perfect, beautiful daughter, have to get this? There is no cure for her. There is nothing we can do but manage this stupid disease,"

My fingers pulled my shirt over my eyes to wipe away the tears that shed across my face, "I don't know why this is happening to our family, this is the worst time,"

"Is it?"

I looked over at him as he frowned, "Maybe this is what you needed in your life." I narrowed my eyes, "What?"

"Gabi said that you were acting better towards her,"

I exhaled as I took a deep breath, "She is just as angry as I am. She is hurt and she is blaming herself. I am not going to give her the cold eyes and be a bastard to her." Cody sighed, "She is hurting but damn Troy, I haven't seen you this upset since Gabi was in the hospital after Will died," I gave him a cold stare as to not mention this. I didn't want to even talk about that day that I haunted me. That day haunted me everywhere.

"You know Logan will handle this with ease,"

"But it isn't fair," I was frustrated, I was frustrated for her and I was frustrated for Gabi because when I got back to pitching, I couldn't be that much of a help. We had to find a nanny who was good with this for the season next year. I took a drink of my coffee and I wanted to just shut down and go away.

"Talk dude, I can see it sputtering in your brain,"

I titled my head back gently, "Gabi was talking to Alyssa yesterday night and all she could talk about was how she was failing at everything. Failing at being a wife, failing at being a mother, failing at everything and I was so upset because I didn't want that for her. I didn't want that for her because she doesn't deserve that. She deserves so much more than that because she isn't failing at anything. She is beautiful and when she heard how sick Logan was she wanted to scream, she wanted to just fall apart because she feels like her children are subjected to anything horrible."

There was no stopping the tears because my body was frustrated; I lowered my head into my hands because I was destroyed. "Logan is scared as hell and I don't even know, I am scared because I don't know what to expect. I am scared because I cannot let Logan fall through my fingers because dear God, if something happens to Logan then Gabi will never be the same. Gabi will fall apart and she will fall away from me and I won't be able to save her."

"Shit man," Cody reached over and he squeezed my shoulder, "Logan is going to be okay, you guys will learn and she will understand as well. You guys are going to be okay as well; you have to have faith in that. You have to know that you are going to take care of Logan and nothing is going to happen to her. Okay? Logan is going to be okay,"

"We always thought nothing could happen to Logan. She was invincible because she is four and why would anything happen to her? She is our," I stopped as I couldn't think straight, "She is my little girl,"

I didn't say anything else because I was tired and exhausted, I didn't say anything else because I was battling all of my emotions.

Gabi's POV

Troy and Cody came back but I knew Troy fell apart. His eyes were red and strained; Logan looked over at Troy and saw it as well. She stood up on her bed and she smiled, "Dadda," she looped her arms around his mid-section and she smiled into his chest. He kissed the top of her head, "I love you daddy,"

Troy swallowed hard as he tried to hold it together because he was on the ledge of emotions, "I love you too Lolo,"

Troy talked with Logan for a couple of minutes as I looked at Cody; he shrugged his shoulders gently because he wouldn't tell me what went down. He was too close to Troy and that meant that whatever went down goes back further than I could compete with. "Knock knock," I glanced up to see Ellie. I went over and she grabbed me into a hug, "How are you?"

"I have been better," she smiled and squeezed me before greeting Troy and Logan. Chase hugged me and I took Emerson into my arms because I just needed to hold something. Something needed to hold me together because I wasn't sure if I could. Cody and Ben lingered as Troy started to return to normal, my eyes casted to Logan who was talking to Ben some more.

"Alright, Mallory told me you were a mess,"

"I am a mess,"

"You don't seem that bad," she offered, I looked over at her and she smiled, "How is everything going?" my eyes went over to Logan and I shrugged, my throat closing off when Ellie reached over for another hug. "I wish it was me instead of her, I wish that she didn't have to do this because this isn't fair,"

She pulled back and I exhaled a long shaky breath, "Mommy," Logan screeched, I turned to see the nurse and Logan was paralyzed with fear. I stood up and I went over to her, "What's wrong baby?" the nurse waved the meter and Logan was shaking with fear. "Look, she can do it to mommy," I offered, she shook her head and clutched onto me tighter. "Check my blood sugar," I looked up to see Troy, another man afraid of needles.

Logan peered over at Troy as Troy nodded to the nurse, "Logi, I hate needles too but see I am going to let her do it to me,"

The nurse played along and did exactly what she was going to do to Logan but to Troy. She wiped his finger and Logan watched from my arms, her big doe eyes watching intently as Troy didn't appear nervous but I knew he was. He was squeamish with needles; you should have seen him when he was getting his IV before surgery.

The nurse poked his finger and he showed no emotion but a smile over to Logan to let him know that he was okay. Logan loosened her hold on me when they sucked Troy's blood up onto the meter and it beeped. "Now, if daddy can do it, I think you can do it," I whispered to her, Troy nodded his head as he wiped his finger onto his shorts. Logan then nodded her head as she sat down crisscross on the bed.

I rubbed her back while the nurse soothed her while she did it and Logan didn't do anything until the needle poked her skin. She whimpered quietly but Troy moved an inch closer as the blood was sucked up onto the machine. She then tucked her hand away against the hospital gown and eased her knees to her chest. She then got up and pressed her face into my chest again. "I'm here baby, I'm here," I soothed, she trembled and Troy laid his hand on her back as his eyes held mine.

"Her blood sugar is finally back in range!" the nurse cheered, "Her ketones are starting to come down so this is good! We will have classes for you guys these next two days and you'll most likely be discharged Sunday night,"

Troy and I shared a look again because we weren't sure if we were ready for this.

Saturday, July 6th, 2024

Yesterday was a flurry of visitors all day long. Troy's family showed up, my family showed up, all of our friends showed up, and half of the Royals team. Today wasn't much different but we had to plan better because we were in diabetes education classes all day long. We were with two other families who couldn't stop gazing at Troy the entire session.

We were currently taking a lunch break as the last half of the Royals had left. I sank into a chair and I rubbed my eyes letting out a really long breath of air, "You okay?" Troy handed me a bag of food but I wasn't interested in eating. Troy looked at me disregards the bag, "Gabs, when was the last time you ate?" I shrugged, "I don't know,"

"Sleep?"

I shrugged again when a nurse came to check Logan's blood sugar as they brought her a meal and pushed a shot of something through his IV just delaying the awaiting needs of an insulin shot – something that she would have to survive on for the rest of her life. "Okay, you are going home tonight." He said, my eyes shot to his and he let a faint smile cross his lips. "I'm joking but I am glad I could finally get a reaction out of you."

My eyes went back to watching Logan pick at her food because it was hospital food. "Gabs," he nudged me gently, I looked back up at him when I stormed out of the hospital room away from Logan. I went down into the stair rail when I heard the doors from behind me. Troy came down the stairs as I stopped on a platform and words began to fumble out of my mouth. "She is going to have to take at least 6 to 9 shots a day to cover what her body can't do. We are going to have to check her blood sugar at least ten times a day because she won't be able to easily communicate if she has a low blood sugar because maybe to a four-year old she doesn't understand what she is feeling,"

The tears blurred my eyes, "and if we aren't sitting on your tip-toes just waiting with a juice box or a small pack of skittles or a glucagon then she could suddenly pass out and slip away from us. She can slip away in her sleep because how are we supposed to know, she is just sleeping," my words began to rumble out of my mouth faster and faster. "We have to count every damn carb that enters her body and then calculate it carefully and make sure we give her the absolute correct amount of insulin or we could kill her."

Troy tried to say something but my tears were hot and fast and the words tumbled out faster. "But if we keep her too high for too long, one too many high blood sugars then she could just very well lose her eyesight or lose a limb when she is older. I literally have to keep Logan within such a balance or she is going to die," my legs became weak and Troy eased me into his arms before my body completely gave out.

Sobs chocked me as I struggled to breathe, I struggled to figure out what was going on because this was the perfect balancing act. You go too low and you die instantly, you go too high then you die slowly but sooner than a healthy adult. If you kept her right where a human stood she would be fine only if it was ever that simple. The factors and the stress that went into it, the daily lives that were going to be focused on why we were doing this.

"Oh Gabs," he rubbed my back as I choked on more sobs while I cried harder. I cried harder because what else was there to do right now. Troy eased himself down onto the stair and he pulled me down onto his lap. His lips pressed into my hair and he breathed a big sigh, "I know how scared you because I am just as scared. They sit us in this room and they scare us half to fucking death because if they don't then why would we take care of her?"

I rested my head onto his shoulder and he rubbed my arm gently. My chest gasped for air and Troy let his hands run up and down my arms gently. I felt his heart beat inside of his chest and he finally got my heartbeat to calm down and my body to calm down. "I am so scared Troy,"

"I am too baby,"

"How come you aren't showing it?" I grew frustrated and I pulled away to look at him, he grabbed my face gently while he balanced me on his lap. His blue eyes pierced mine because they were baby blue, the blue that I longed for.

"I am so fucking scared Gabi and if you want me to show it I will but I have you and I have Logan. I am barely keeping you together at the seams and I want to remain as strong as possible for Logan. I want her to know that I didn't freak out during this but Gabi, I am so fucking scared because I know if anything happens to Logan then I know you will be gone forever. I know that if something happens to Logan my baseball career is over because nothing will help me after that. Nothing will compare. I wouldn't be able to walk into a clubhouse."

Tears ran down my cheeks again because the raw emotion came out. "I would lose you because I don't think you would survive. I would be scared so I know how scary this is. I know what you are feeling because God Gabi, I don't want anything to happen to the family that I have,"

My eyes looked into his and I let my lips press against his, my salt water tears were everything I tasted but I hadn't kissed Troy in weeks. Troy responded as he eased me in closer to him, I gasped for air as his lips parted gently letting my tongue edge into his mouth. He eased me closer to him as his hand ran down my leg. I pulled away from him and I let my forehead lean against his. "I'm sorry," I breathed, "I'm sorry too…"

My eyes bored into the teacher that was educating us on everything. Everything.

My mind was spinning in dark circles because who knew what was going to happen once they discharged us from this hospital. Who knew what was going to happen when we were thrown into the dark world and the unknown scared the shit out of me.

"Gabi," my eyes bounced to the diabetes educator, "Logan will be with Dr. Sam Ryan, she is young and will easily follow Logan until she turns 18 and graduates from our program. She understands and uses all of the new technology and absolutely loves kids. You will meet her before you leave the hospital tomorrow afternoon." I nodded my head as I looked at the girl again, "How do we get Logan a pump?"

An insulin pump.

It came in a variety of different ways cordless, big, small, colors and different names were thrown around. The nurse looked at me and she sighed, "Normally, there is a wait,"

"A wait? A wait for what?"

"This is more of the subject we talk about tomorrow."

I frowned, "My daughter hates shots and I am not sure how giving her seven to ten a day is going to help our lifestyle."

"She will,"

"Get used to it, I understand, but she is four and everyday having to face that? That isn't a four year old," the Diabetes educator looked at me and then over at Troy who was silent, "There is a process that must be gone through,"

"Like what? She is a diabetic then why are we holding out on getting her an insulin pump soon? That way I only have to see her cry every three days when we have to change it again. That way I don't panic all the time when she is sleeping, that way the dose is always correct," a mom looked over at me, she was here with her eleven year old son. "If they say it is a process then it is a process, just because you have money," the words slipped from her mouth because it had been unspoken about Troy's and I status in the city. We were just another family dealing. "You actually don't want that for your son right? You don't him sticking a needle with a dose of a drug into his system all the time?"

The lady seemed confused, "Money can't buy you everything and we are perfectly capable waiting." Back to our personal lives.

Yet, this lady just pulled it in and this caused Troy to flinch, "She wants what is best for our daughter." Troy spoke gently, "It doesn't matter what our bank account says, and our daughter is four and screams bloody murder around needles. It is a two-man job already with just checking her blood sugar so my wife is just thinking of what is best for Logan. Please, do not bring our personal lives into this matter," the lady looked at Troy as he was soft spoken and he wasn't being mean, he just wanted our status to be left out of this.

"I understand but you can't just fly by rules,"

Troy sighed, "If I know my wife, which I do, I am assuming she is wanting to know what else can we do. If there are rules fine, but you have to understand that our daughter has no idea what is going on. She doesn't understand that her life is changing like your son, or your daughter," the third members sunk back with their fifteen year old. "They understand that they must take medicine to make sure they stay healthy, Logan is going to look at it as we are being the mean parents. Will she understand one day? Of course but she is four and right now, we are trying to remain focused on how to get Logan stable and healthy. We are trying to figure out the easiest way to go about things because this isn't fair to Logan. This isn't fair to you guys either but Gabi isn't looking to break protocol, she is looking for something more to help her ease her mind and help Logan begin to understand the rest of her life."

The room was silent and I took a deep breath, "I think I am going to go check on Logan," I said quietly, we had decided as a group that bring Logan into the room would be difficult for her. She wouldn't understand and as long as we were educated she could play in her room with the nurses. I eased out of the room when I heard Troy calling my name, "Gabi," I kept walking because tears were falling down my face and I didn't want him to see.

"Gabs," he said a little louder, I stopped as he skidded in front of me, his arm reached out to grasp me, as I had to actually tilt my head to see him, just like he wanted me to do. "I understood," he said, "I know what you were doing,"

"I need a break," I mumbled underneath of my lips, "I know, I know you need a break, this has been the shittest weekends in the shit of weekends," this caused a small smile to flicker at my lips and he smiled back at me, "I get it, I get it," both hands were gripping my arms to prevent me from going any further, "Troy, I just need to sit in the room and check on Logan," he let go but he reached for my face as he wiped away my tears.

"I don't want Logan to see you crying,"

I relaxed against his fingers because he was right, I would scare Logan even further so I nodded my head. My dad and Troy's dad were keeping a watchful eye over her while we learned a lot about diabetes but none of it seemed like too much. I leaned into Troy and he rubbed my back, "You just want to protect the hell out of her and here we are…just having to give her what makes her hurt even more."

I sniffled into his chest and he kissed the top of my head. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head and he let go as he realized that I was good, I strolled back to the room and Logan was giggling with both of her favorite grandparents. The moms in Troy's life and mine will never stand a chance against Jack and Alex. I licked my lips as Logan smiled as she colored with Jack; my dad was talking on his phone quietly in the corner. I cleared my throat and Logan looked over at me, "Mommy!"

"Hi sweetie," I went over to kiss her forehead gently and she showed me the picture she was drawing. "How is it going?" Jack asked, I snorted and Troy laughed, "You should have seen Gabi in there, she got heated,"

"About what?"

I shook my head gently, "I am not going there again but Troy was able to get me breathing room." Alex smirked, "Atta girl, sticking up for what you believe in,"

"They want Logan to take the 'S' word a bunch of times a day. They think that just doing that to a four-year old and causing me to go crazy is the best solution," Troy laughed against from behind me, "There you go Alex," my dad smirked, "I know how to get my daughter to talk,"

I frowned and looked at Logan, "Mr. and Mrs. Bolton," Troy and I turned to see a doctor standing there, we gave each other a look and then we walked out. Logan called out my name but my dad quickly soothed her. "We are so very sorry for what went down in the room, we took the parents aside and asked them if it would be an issue to share a class with you, just like we did the same to you," Troy adjusted his hat over his dirty hair and he cleared his throat.

"We really didn't have any issues until Gabi just spoke up for our child,"

"Which was very understood, our diabetes educator was trying to explain that since she was so young, she could be qualified earlier but the mom wouldn't allow it. You are right, it is hell with a four-year old and we understand. A lot of people understand, maybe not the insurance companies but we can try to get one to your family faster,"

Troy and I shared a look and we nodded, "Okay," I breathed easier and I thanked her gently, "We are concluding class for the day and will do a half of a session tomorrow, sound good?" Troy and I nodded and we returned back to the hospital room. I smiled because I was getting what I wanted but because I was right, she was just too young to do this.

Sunday, July 7th, 2024

Troy packed up the rest of the flowers, teddy bears, toys and games that Logan had collected since being in the hospital on Thursday night. Her blood sugars were finally returning to normal with a lot of adjustments on how much insulin she needed but things were getting done.

She had a low blood sugar the other night, which scared the living shit out of me. She claimed to be hot and I shrugged it off but then I noticed her hands shaking. I called for the nurse but she had me do it for her. I did it and Logan was scared because she thought this would all be over once we left. Mommy and Daddy wouldn't continue to do this at home. When the number flashed back at fifty, I panicked but the nurse quickly went to retrieve juice and Logan sucked it down happily to only return to the low one hundreds.

I pressing my lips tightly together, I looked out the window as they were removing Logan's IV. We had changed her into normal clothes yesterday and she was already feeling 110% better but I wasn't feeling better. I felt worse.

Troy's eyes looked up at me and I looked at him, "You okay?"

I shrugged, "How come I feel like we are going home from the hospital with a brand new baby and we have no idea what we are getting into?" Troy's lips faulted into a frown and he tried to come up with something to say. "I don't know, I mean, I guess that is how it feels except I think when she was a newborn it was easier,"

"Okay, do you guys want to give her a shot for her lunch?" the nurse came in as they had completely been doing all of her doses of insulin through IV. I felt my lips turn down because I didn't want too but we had to before we left.

She had two different types of insulin.

Humalog for when she eats.

Lantus once a day at the end of the day and if we confused them then well…

"Yes," I breathed, I walked over and she had me calculate everything (thank god I was good with math) and then I turned the dial on the pen that she would use. I screwed a needle on and I felt like a bad person as she was giggling with Troy for a minute when Troy gave her a serious look.

"Logi, we are going to have to take a shot," she frowned and held out her finger, we were getting better with the finger situation but Troy shook his head. "Mommy is going to give you medicine in your belly," he pointed and she shook her head, "No,"

"If you want to eat lunch when you have to take a shot,"

She started to cry and Troy wrapped his arms around her and soothed her, this was my opportunity as I wiped her arm quickly with an alcohol prep wipe and then let it dry, she squirmed in Troy's arms but he held her tighter. "Mommy, no," her voice whimpered and it broke my heart, Troy glanced up at me and he knew what that just did to me. "I'll do it," Troy said, he let go of Logan because I couldn't I gladly gave the needle over to him because I couldn't do this to her.

"I'm so sorry baby," she cried as she gripped my shirt and Troy quickly did it but she screamed. Tears filled my eyes as he finished and I then protected her from everything as she cried. I held her close to me as my chest was shaking to only realize I was crying right along with her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and streaming down my cheeks. "I'm sorry baby girl, I'm sorry,"

We had fifteen minutes before she needed to start eating so I took that entire opportunity to get her to calm down. I kissed her sticky cheeks and I settled her back onto the hospital bed. She gripped on to me as they brought her a lunch that she requested. She sniffled and reached for the fry that was sitting in front of her. She kept eating the fries and then began to pick at her turkey sandwich. She relaxed and finished her meal, as I couldn't separate from her.

Troy came over to rub my shoulders, "It's okay," he whispered, his lips pressed into my ear and I took a deep shaking breath, "I know," I echoed, "I just don't want to hurt her and then she says my name like that," his fingers kneaded into my shoulders, "I saw it, she said those words and I don't blame you, if she did that to me," I leaned back into him and I took a deep breath.

"Bolton family, here is your discharge papers,"

Troy stood forward and began to sign the papers to release us and I wasn't sure if I was ready. I just wasn't sure.

My eyes went to Logan and she smiled while biting into the sandwich and I smiled because even after we did give her a shot, she calmed down, and she was going to get used to it...sooner or later.

Hmm…where do you think the Bolton family is going after this?

You'll have to wait a week to find out!

Hope you guys enjoyed!

Please Review!