You guys have earned this. Enjoy!

Chapter 17 – Trust Me

Friday, August 30th, 2024

I scrolled through my phone as Troy and I had been quiet between each other. Nothing had been said between us and I think that was okay. I think that was okay because I feel like we were getting ready to turn back to where we need to be.

The Royals had a month left of the season and I was hoping that our marriage could wait until then but…Troy wasn't sleeping in our room and I wasn't asking him too. It was late and I had just checked Logan's blood sugar again when I put my phone away. "Momma?" I looked up to see Logan coming into the room. "What's up sweetie?"

She crawled onto the bed and looked over to see if Troy was sleeping next to me. She frowned, "Where is daddy?" she asked, "He is sleeping downstairs," her frown deepened, she then laid down next to me and she was quiet for a while, I was pretty sure she was just thinking about something. "Are you okay?"

"I can't sleep,"

"I'm sorry,"

She snuggled into me and I was watching her when she looked up at me, "Momma, are you and daddy fighting because of my betes?" I looked at Logan alert and her eyes found mine. She had tears in them and I shook my head, "No, of course not baby girl," I sat up and I pulled her into my arms, "Logan, daddy and I are not fighting because of your diabetes,"

"You yell at each other," I battled tears, "Oh baby girl, I am so sorry, your daddy and I are just going through some stuff right now. It has nothing to do with you because your daddy and I love you so much," she wiped away her tears and I kissed her forehead, "Let's get some rest okay?"

She nodded and once we were both lying down, she drifted off to sleep after a while but my heart was broken. Her words kept repeating inside my head and everything hurt because I felt like Troy and I had failed. Failed at trying to keep Logan away from our fighting, failed as parents, failed as being a married couple.

I thought about what I could do and I knew what I should do but it was September and we had a month left of the season. I am not sure this could wait a month. I think this needed to be addressed now. I sat up and I reached for my cell phone as I sent a text message to Joel.

I need to talk to you. What time will you be at the stadium?

I put my phone back down and I lowered myself underneath of the covers as I stroked her hair gently. Logan was peacefully sleeping and I wanted to cry because I didn't want this life for her.

"Are you and daddy fighting because of my betes?"

The words would haunt me any time I looked at her until this was fixed. Until this was fixed, she felt like it was her fault and it was and never will be her fault.

I walked through the offices, Joel texted me at seven-thirty this morning that he would be at the stadium around eleven-thirty. I was in the stadium at eleven-thirty five as I went to his office and knocked on it. He was setting his bag down, "This must be urgent,"

My fingers ran through my hair, "I want to take that offer," Joel turned around to look at me, "I think my marriage to Troy needs to be addressed now compared to later. I don't think our marriage has a month left and my sweet four-year-old asked me if this was her fault that Troy and I were fighting. I can't do this for another month Joel,"

He sighed, "We thought your guys marriage was starting to fall apart,"

"It isn't pretty and I don't want to work for the next month and put my marriage on hold to lose the one person I have ever loved." Joel looked down and then back up at me, "I understand Gabi, it has been a very rough year for your family and I want nothing more for you to fix your marriage. Marriage and family comes before work," I nodded as he understood and I was so happy. "Our season is over so viewership is down and we are only broadcasting fifteen games in September. I am assuming you are okay without pay," I nodded my head, "Yes, Joel, I just need the time to fix my marriage with Troy."

"Work tonight and then we will replace you for the last fifteen games we are broadcasting."

I closed my eyes, "Thank you so much Joel,"

"You deserve it, you have worked very hard."

"So I'll do tonight and then I will take personal leave for a family emergency."

Joel smiled, "I would say the dream couple of baseball almost filing for divorce is a family emergency," I laughed quietly and nodded, "Yes, it is."

"Dad,"

He looked up at me but he was on the phone, I sighed impatient because I had a very limited amount of time until I needed to be at the office. "Yes, I will look over your contract but I have to go," he nodded and then said something else before hanging up the phone, "Gabriella, how may I help you?"

I frowned, "Why so formal?"

"I'm not sure, I have barely seen my daughter in a month and there are reports swirling around that Troy Bolton is filing for divorce from his wife." I raised an eyebrow, "I keep forgetting that his wife is my daughter and she has told me nothing about this!" I sighed, "He isn't filing for divorce,"

"He isn't?"

I shook my head, "I am."

My dad's head spun around to look at me and I broke into a small smile, "I'm joking," I answered, "We both, decided we aren't ready for that step yet but we do honestly need to work on our marriage. It is time because I don't think our marriage has a month left to wait out baseball season. I took the month of September off today and tomorrow, I am going to corner Troy and we are going to talk but I don't want Logan in the house. I would gladly appreciate if you took Logan,"

"I don't know I have a lot of stuff going on."

"Dad, please,"

"For how long?"

"A night or two, just let Troy and I figure this out before he is actually filing for divorce. Dad, I still love him and that will never change but we are angry at each other. We keep putting this off because of a road trip or because of Logan or because of some other ridiculous excuse that we have managed. My daughter came up and asked me if daddy and I were fighting because of her. It broke me and I can't do this anymore."

My dad looked up at me, "Yes, I'll watch Logan." He stood up and wrapped me in his arms, "Promise me you'll work this out because he is the only person for you," I laughed quietly and nodded, "We'll try dad but it is a long road back,"

"Always is."

I left my dad's house and I went home, Troy's car was gone and his mom's car took his place in the driveway. I went inside as I saw Lucille sitting on the floor with Logan. A smile spread over my lips and Logan was chatting away with Grammy Lucille.

"Hey," I said quietly, Logan looked up with a smile, "Momma! Grammy came over!"

"I see, where is daddy?"

"PT," Lucille answered, I knew and figured so I just nodded, "Alright, baby girl, you are staying with Papi tonight," Lucille looked over at me, "I can keep her for the evening," I looked at Logan, "Do you want to stay with Grammy and Grandpa?" Normally, Luke played baseball on the weekends and we didn't think about them. Logan nodded her head, "Please! I want to play with Uncle Luke," I nodded, "Okay, let me go pack you a bag,"

I walked down the hall and into Logan's room as I started to pull several sets of clothes. "That looks like more than a sleepover," I turned to see Lucille and I smiled, "Yea, if you can't keep her for two nights then I can call my dad." She shook her head, "That isn't an issue but you aren't one to give your daughter up for two nights."

"Has Troy told you anything? Everything?" Lucille looked at me confused, "I mean, a couple of months ago he claimed you guys were having problems and he said he felt like the marriage was falling apart but I haven't heard anything in the past month or so," I pulled out a t-shirt from Logan's drawer, "Things have actually gotten a lot worse Lucille," she looked at me surprised, "What?" I bit on my lower lip because I had done so well today holding myself together.

"We have actually talked about a divorce," I said, a gasp erupted from her mouth and I knew she was in shock, "But we are giving each other more time and I am pretty sure we don't have a month of time left. We don't have time to wait until the season is over to focus on our marriage, the time is now and tomorrow, tomorrow is the day that we talk and maybe it will talk more than that. Maybe it will take longer than that."

Lucille sat down next to me, "He hasn't told me anything,"

"I haven't told my parents much either. I think we are both upset over the fact that we are failing at the one thing we thought we were good at and that is loving each other. Too much has happened and it is horrible,"

"So right now you aren't?"

"No, right now, we are playing this thing by ear and hopefully we come out holding hands together."

I packed another pair of shorts and I wiped underneath my eyes, "She has school on Monday so hopefully the house is civil again for her to come home tomorrow night but if not do you think you can take her to pre-school?"

"Are you guys working?"

"I took the month of September off. I have decided that my marriage is going to come before my job. Joel was in understanding and I am hoping Troy understands and stays back from the team." Lucille nodded her head, "Gabi, how about I just take Logan off your hands for the weekend, I'll get her to school Monday morning and then you guys can pick her up, okay?"

I nodded my head, "Thank you Lucille,"

"You are more than welcome,"

"Logan is staying over at your moms house tonight," I told Troy casually in the clubhouse, he looked up at me with a squinted eyebrow, "Why?"

"Your mom wanted her for the weekend and it seemed like a good time." Troy just nodded his head after that and returned to his locker. I let out a long sigh and I looked over at Josh who was holding his daughter. Brooke.

I smiled softly because Josh and Melissa were doing a lot better and he loved being a dad. I quietly walked over and peered at little Brooke, "She is beautiful Josh," he turned to face me and he nodded a thanks, I had sort of ignored them since she had arrived after the all-star break. I was busy with Logan and the diabetes plus there was the height of Troy and I arguing. "I'm sorry that I haven't made an effort to see her sooner."

"Gabs, you have had a lot on your plate."

"I have also been a bitch,"

Josh laughed, "Melissa has been a bitch as well, I get it, we argued over it for a really long time but I think she finally understands after going through everything. I do think she does," I sighed, "We have lost touch as a group of friends and it sucks,"

Josh nodded, "You and Troy are the core of the group,"

"I'm hoping to fix that,"

"Good, we need you guys,"

"Hopefully things start to turn up soon,"

I looked at Brooke again and then walked away from the two of them. My eyes gazed into Troy's locker to see three pictures of Logan taped up. Her big smile and blue eyes making me look a bit harder. One of the pictures she was young, two or so, and she was sitting on my lap. I walked up to it and I let my fingers touch it. My eyes went to the next one of Logan just a few months ago with her hair in funky ponytails that Alyssa did.

The last was a picture of Logan with Troy, her arms were wrapped around his neck and he was smiling brightly at her. Logan was Troy's favorite thing in the world. My eyes went back to the one of Lo and I, "That is by far my favorite picture of you guys," I jumped from Troy's voice and I looked back at him, embarrassed at being caught from looking at his pictures and for invading his space.

"I'm sorry," I stuttered, Troy shook his head and adjusted his hat, "They are easy to get drawn into."

"I just don't think I have ever seen that picture of her and I."

"I took it on my phone and I just never shared it because I love it so much."

"Oh," I looked back at him and he bent into his locker to grab something, "Troy,"

"Hmm?"

I didn't say anything because I didn't want him to get mad here, "Never mind," I said softly, "I'll see you at home after the game,"

"Okay,"

I took a drink of my wine because Troy wasn't home yet and I was losing my courage. I had one plan of attack and I knew I should wait until tomorrow but I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I needed him to decide to stay home tomorrow and maybe I can get my plea out tonight.

I swirled the wine bottle around to see it was almost empty, the garage door jolted the downstairs and I looked at the door. Skip ran by quickly and hid somewhere, the downstairs door opened and his feet came hauling up the stairs. I breathed in a deep breath and I looked up at Troy entering the kitchen. His eyes held mine because I knew he went to the bar tonight with Josh, Zach, and Cody. He told me. Him telling me had to be a step in the right direction.

Yet, I was caught by surprise at his reaction to him seeing me sitting in the kitchen with a wine bottle. "Gabi, you okay?" I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. I picked up a piece of paper that was sitting in front of me and I started to read it aloud.

"I, Gabriella, vow to love you forever. I promise to be there whenever you need me and to support you in any decisions you make. I promise to keep you on your toes and for you to keep laughing. I promise to be the best wife I can be," I paused as tears started to come faster and my chest was tightening, I didn't dare look up at him because I would lose it. "And to be your best friend. I love everything we have together and after eight years I am so happy to officially be able to call you mine forever." I will love you forever Troy Bolton and I will forever cherish your heart."

"Fuck, Gabi, not tonight," he went to turn away from me, "No, Troy, just listen." I begged he turned around to face me, "Now you want me to listen? You finally are asking me to listen to what you are saying?" I bit down on my lip and I looked at him, "You haven't been listening to me since the beginning of this Troy and I haven't been listening to you. That is our problem. We have stopped listening and I want you to just listen to this,"

Troy went to say something but I stopped him as I looked up at him this time. I looked at him because when I read this the other day, my heart broke in half and he just needed to hear it. "I, Troy, vow to keep you protected from all harmful tings, I promise to value all of your opinions and listen to everything you have to say, I vow to keep you happy and for you to smile all the time. I promise to wrap my arms around you when you are tired and just want to sleep when we have more traveling to do,"

I couldn't help but laugh at the last sentence as I wiped away a couple of tears. "I promise to hold you on those bad days and to keep you close to my heart. I promise to wake you up in the morning with silly kisses and laughter, I promise to take a minute out of everyday and remind you how much I love you." I looked up at Troy who had taken a couple of steps towards me at this point, his eyes were alert as he wasn't sure what he had just walked into.

My chest and throat tightened because this was the line that we had written on our wall. Troy looked at me as he was listening.

"I vow to love you beyond my years, I vow to never let you go, I vow to love you unconditionally for the rest of our lives." I looked up at Troy who had let the words roll off his tongue, I dropped the paper in front of me, "What happened to this," I asked with tears streaming down my face, "What happened to loving each other unconditionally because whatever the hell is going on isn't unconditional love,"

Troy looked at me, "Is this why you made Logan stay over at my moms house tonight? So you could ask me about our vows to each other?" his voice rose with a sense of anger because he knew that the things we had once promised were no longer a promise between us but a shattered screen of glass. "I don't want to do this Gabi, I don't need you bring up things we said to each other five years ago!"

"Yes I do Troy! I want my marriage to you to work; I want to wrap my arms around you ever night again. I want to keep you close to me but you are pushing me away Troy. We are fighting each other every step of the way and if you just don't want to try let's go file for divorce tomorrow fuck all of this tiptoeing around each other and yelling at each other for stupid bullshit, we either fucking fix it or we go to the get a divorce because I can't let this be the final memories of us," I breathed deeply as I looked at him, "You are my light spot to everyday and you are my person but if you don't want to be that anymore, then just tell me," Troy looked at me concerned, "Because I am going to figure this out or walk into a lawyers office."

"Gabi,"

I shook my head as tears were falling down my cheeks even faster now, "No, Troy, listen to me. I asked Joel for the whole month of September off because I know our marriage doesn't have a month left Troy. If we let this simmer for another month then our marriage will end in a courtroom." Troy massaged his forehead with his fingers, because he was pained, my own head hurt and I just wanted to run away but I was not going to run away from this, "I so badly want to just hide Troy, you know that is my default setting is to hide and not let my emotions out but here I am, for you, trying to make this work. I am trying to fix us and my brain is screaming at me to hide but I am here. I want this to work. I want us to work." He exhaled loudly and he took a deep breath "Gabi, I have,"

I jumped at the excuse that he was getting ready to throw out there because it was about to be a stupid one.

"You have rehab to do and if that is more important than me then just let me know Troy because I promise you, I will find a lawyer tomorrow. Do you know what your daughter asked me last night?" Troy shook his head and I covered my mouth because saying it aloud again was hard. Saying it out loud made my body weak and vulnerable.

"She asked if our fighting was because of her diabetes," Troy's face softened even further, "She didn't," I nodded my head as I wiped away tears, "Yea, she did, and that is when I decided we either fix our marriage or call it quits because I am not letting Logan believe this is her fault. I am not letting Logan think that we got a divorce because of her diabetes or because of anything with her. We either figure this out between us or not." Troy nodded his face, "I have had one too many beers tonight Gabi,"

I sucked in a deep breath, "Okay," I said with a nod, "How about we both sleep on this, tomorrow, we will talk. We will lock ourselves in this house until we feel like we have a solid understanding of what we want in our future," Troy slowly nodded his head, "Okay," he said with a nod, "Okay,"

June 12th, 2012

I laughed as I laid my head on Troy's chest; we were looking up at the stars shining in the sky. My fingers danced across his chest because this was a moment where he wasn't playing. We were just looking at the stars and being content in each other's arms.

"What are you thinking?"

"What do you mean?" I asked back, Troy turned to face me, "I just want to know what you are thinking," he said quietly, I smiled as I thought about it, "Us,"

"What about us?"

"Us in ten years,"

Troy laughed, "Already planning the future only a couple months into our relationship?" I nodded my head as I sat up to look at him, "I have never been so happy in a relationship Troy. I have never wanted to be with somebody so badly before."

Troy eased me on top of him and he kissed my forehead, "You are a blessing," he said quietly, "I would be this random baseball obsessed man who couldn't take a five minute break to even take a drink of water." I laughed, "Now I take a drink of water to kiss on you and look at you." I laughed and I sat up, "Promise that you will always love me."

"That is an easy promise Brie,"

"Is it?"

"Of course because you are so easy to just love. Your spirit and your life."

I giggled and he pulled me in for a long kiss, "I love you Gabi,"

"I love you too Troy,"

I tossed and turned all night.

All night.

I wanted to talk to Troy now.

Stirring my coffee in a circle, I took a long drink of it and I heard Troy come up the stairs. I looked up at him and he looked like he had about as successful as a night as I did. I bit down on my lip as he poured himself a cup of coffee. I breathed aloud and I looked over at him, his shoulders were tense and he seemed tired. He had on a gray Elite t-shirt with the Swings logo in the corner. A pair of blue KC Royals basketball shorts.

He turned around and his eyes held mine for several seconds and already I felt a layer of tension melt away. I already felt a wall had been broke through. Last night did help and the thought of having to break each other apart now was going to be miserable. The rebuilding of the fine glass that was once a perfect glass picture. All of the sharp edges and corners that we had to bare through and let our fingers bleed.

"How are we doing this?" he finally spoke up because I wasn't willing too. The default setting was aching inside of my chest because I just wanted to love Troy again and not go through all of this. "I was thinking we just lay it all out on the table. Whatever we are feeling and we can't just start yelling at each other about our opinions on the matter." Troy nodded his head, "Let's get the obvious ones out of the way,"

I nodded as a go-ahead, Troy took a drink of the coffee and he looked up at me, "Miscarriages and tommy john surgery," I nodded because those were the start to the problems, "Running away," his eyes grabbed me and I stiffened in my spot as I threw another out, "Not letting me in,"

The issues piled on top of each other and I looked at him because he was thinking of every fight that we have had since March and every fight that caused us to fall apart. He was thinking of the moments that hurt the most and the moments that we both wanted to burn in a fire.

"Ignoring me when I was just trying to help," I offered.

Troy groaned but didn't say anything, "Not agreeing on the diabetes front,"

Troy stopped, "Can we talk about this for a minute." I shrugged because we had to start somewhere and maybe this was a good starting point. Logan was always going to be a good starting point between the two of us because we only wanted what was best for Logan. "I know how scared you are Gabi, I know you are scared because Logan is our only child." I nodded my head because he understood, "But you need to know that she needs to live a normal life. The past month for Lo has been so different for her and she is scared. She isn't the same vibrant Logan that we love," and he didn't stop, "and I know that life will never be the same but I feel like you are constantly on top of her with needles and food and blood. I just…I know how you want to give her the best future possible but you are suffocating her."

I bit on my tongue because I wasn't suffocating her but I also understood Troy's point on the matter. I was letting all personal opinions melt away as I listened to how he was viewing things. We needed to listen to each other again. "How do we do give her more space but not suffocate her because I just want is best for her Troy. I want to keep her healthy but I also want her to be a little girl," I asked aloud, Troy sighed, "I wish I knew the perfect balance off the top of my head Gabs, I just don't. I know we have to let her travel just like we normally would. She needs to be able to play with her friends and eat all of her normal things. She can't have liquid sugar right? That is the only thing that should be off limits to her."

"Okay," I agreed quietly, "What else?"

"How about we only check her blood sugar once in the middle of the night instead of two?"

Compromise Gabi. He was willing to compromise with me and this was going to be okay.

"Can we start switching nights?"

Troy let a small smile play on his lips and he nodded, "Yea,"

"Do you think we should get the ball rolling on the insulin pump? I feel like that is the best choice to give her the most normal life possible unless you don't agree." I offered out there, Troy let a slow smile lay on his lips. "In all my downtime lately, I have been calling a few different companies and I think Medtronic is the best one." I looked at Troy surprised, "Go on,"

"I talked to Medtronic, the insulin pump company, and I called to ask them about our best options for Logan. They said they could hook her up with a pump and a sensor but I then talked to one of the guys who is diabetic in the MLB, he said that Dexcom is a sensor like Medtronic has but Dexcom syncs to our phones. We would be able to see her blood sugar readings every three minutes."

My heart ached for constant knowing.

"Troy, I didn't know you were doing so much,"

"We really haven't been talking this past month,"

I played with my wedding ring on my finger as I looked up at him, "Is there anything else that bothered you about how I handled it? You are right, I went a bit overboard but I also just didn't know how to handle the situation, I just wanted her to be safe." Troy nodded his head in an understanding we hadn't had between each other in a long time, "I think you are right that we need to remain tight control but we also have to let her be a kid. I have talked to her doctors about the pump and sensor and they are pushing orders through."

"Thank you,"

"Of course, I hate giving her shots," I smiled and I nodded my head as I knew that was going to be the only easy conversation that would pass between us. "What do you want to talk about next?" I asked softly, Troy took a deep breath as he leaned against the counter in front of me. "Let's go back to the very beginning of all of this."

"The third miscarriage,"

"Having problems getting pregnant," Troy corrected, I looked up at him and he nodded, "Gabs, every month you shut down because you couldn't get pregnant and that broke me. I hated seeing you that way and so I was hoping that I could just hopefully make it happen and it did and then it lead us to this," raw emotion flickered over Troy's face, "I still wonder what always went through your mind when you couldn't get pregnant."

"I felt like a failure at being a woman," I answered without thinking and the most honest answer came out. "I failed at feeling worthy of being a woman and I thought you hated me for it. I knew you hated not being pregnant as much as I hated not being pregnant. That is all I want Troy and it makes me so upset, when it didn't happen, every month, I just wanted to cry because there is nothing more in this world that I want than that. That is it."

Troy raised an eyebrow as I looked at him in the eye, "What? I can't believe you felt like that Gabi, I wish you would have just told me!"

Not telling. One of the many issues.

"I felt like I couldn't be a good enough wife or mother because I couldn't get pregnant. I felt horrible because this was the one thing that we both wanted so badly." My voice returned to the quiet level and Troy groaned, "If you would have just talked to me," he stopped, as he was frustrated.

"It drove us apart," Troy argued, his voice rose slightly and I looked up at him again because tears blurred my eyes, "I know what drove us apart Troy, I just wanted to do this for you and for Logan. I wanted to have more children for me."

"The world isn't about you Gabi,"

"Don't you think I know that Troy? I have a husband who will always be more famous than me. I have a daughter that everybody loves and adores. Nothing is ever about me Troy, not anymore." Troy looked at me as it started to just spill out of my mouth. "I am jealous, okay Troy? I am doing my dream job and all that people ask me about is my husband and my daughter. Nobody ever asks about me, nobody asks me how I am doing. They ask me how is Troy? How is Logan?"

Tears blurred my vision as I looked at him, "I definitely am going through a lot of shit myself and nobody asked how I was. Nobody asked how I was doing after I had my miscarriage except for my mom and dad, fuck, Troy; you barely asked how I was. I know that we were fighting but nobody asked how I was doing and it hurt." Troy looked pained and I took in a deep breath, "Everybody just wanted to know how Troy and Logan were doing. They wanted to know how the world of my world was but they never asked me."

Troy swallowed and he looked at me, "You are my world Gabi, you are the center of it, and I surely should have asked you, I'm sorry, I can't believe," he rung the back of his neck and I took a deep breath, "You are my world."

"I know that Troy," I wiped away tears, "I know that I used to be the center of your world but Logan is there now. I looked at that picture of Logan and you in your locker. You smile so brightly with her, you love her so much and I can't compete with that,"

"You have all of this so wrong Gabi,"

I shook my head, "If I have it so wrong Troy, tell me what is wrong with it."

"You were always my number one until you pushed me out of the picture Gabi! You started deciding you didn't need me anymore. You decided you didn't want me to help you anymore and that is what a marriage is!" His voice rose above a normal level and I took my shirt to wipe away the tears but they weren't going to stop anytime soon. "You decided that you just didn't need me anymore and look where we are? You fucking decided that I am just there for when the time is right and you just didn't need me anymore and THAT hurts."

Troy took a deep breath in and he turned to look out the window and gripped the back of his neck tightly, we were both quiet as I wiped my tears away even more because maybe he had a truth to what he was saying and that also hurt like hell. He gripped the skin tightly, his knuckles turning white. I rubbed my eyes and I looked at him, "The day I walked out of the apartment in Surprise is when I ruined things,"

Troy laughed bitterly, "Yea, you did."

I crossed my arms over my chest, "Do you even remember what I told you about me walking out that night?" Troy shrugged his shoulders, "No, I don't really remember. I just remember being so fucking pissed. I remember thinking that you were running away again, you were going to your default setting of just running away when things got tough," his voice grew frustrated and I swallowed because my heart ached from the pressure.

"I wasn't running away," I argued, my voice rising, "I was not running away."

"You were too!"

June 16th, 2013

I rocked back and forth as I sat on a bed, tears were rolling down my cheeks because I can't believe I had just did that. I can't believe I broke up with the only boy I had ever loved. Troy Bolton was the love of my life and I was running away.

I was running away from things that were becoming too difficult. I was returning to the old Gabi Montez where I ran away from the things that scared me most.

"Gabi," my mom knocked on the door and I ignored her. I looked out the window because I was leaving soon. I was leaving to go hole up in New York where Troy Bolton couldn't find me. I was going somewhere to hide.

"Gabi, you can't runaway from this,"

"I have to runaway, I can't face Troy,"

"Why? Sweetie,"

"Mom, I can't be here. If I see him then every choice I made will be undone!"

"Maybe your choices are wrong Gabi,"

"And maybe they aren't,"

My eyes tested hers and she ran her fingers through her hair, "I thought we raised you better than this Gabriella, you just can't runaway from your problems."

I massaged my temple while Troy sat at the table; we hadn't gotten much further since he had accused me of running away. I breathed, "I went home Troy because I saw you just break in half when we didn't hear a heartbeat. I saw you fall apart in front of my eyes and I knew I was going to fall apart because after trying for so long to get pregnant and then to lose it…" I didn't say anything more as I rubbed my arms.

"You wouldn't be able to focus on baseball if I was down there. You wouldn't be able to focus on your career if you were worried about me,"

"You never understand Gabi! I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS worried about you and when you go running off miles and miles away from me, I worry even more! I worry so horribly when you are away from and do you want to take one damn wild guess why?"

I groaned as I ran my fingers through my hair, as I just wanted to rip them all out, "Troy, I will never in my life go for a bottle of pills again and to just clarify things I was never going to harm myself anyways. I had no intentions on killing myself, I needed fucking sleep that night, my friend had just died, and anytime I fell asleep all that I saw was the accident, you know all of this information and I don't understand why you don't understand," Troy looked at me with doubt, "Gabi, I have never seen you so physically upset, I have never heard you so physically upset."

"Troy," I stopped him, "That is not one of the issues,"

"What if it is? Maybe I just can't trust you with horrible things because the pain of losing you will be the worst pain in my entire life." I looked at him and I took a big breath, "Troy, I hate seeing you upset. I hate seeing you break apart and I know when I fall apart it just gets worse. I failed you as a wife and a mother and I didn't want you to see the pain of me losing everything that I ever wanted." Troy massaged his temples, "When you walked out the door, I almost followed you, I almost did it Gabi but I knew if I did you would be so angry at me but I only became angry at myself for not doing it."

"Troy, I didn't want you,"

"WHY?" his outburst caused me to jump out of my skin and I looked at him, "Why didn't you want me because God Gabi, I only wanted you." I bit down on my lip, "Because quite possibly, I wouldn't have made it through that week if I had to see you give me those eyes of complete brokenness, I wouldn't be able to handle it if I looked at you looking at me helplessly trying to figure out how to help me because there was no helping me. My mom couldn't help me. My dad couldn't help me. Nobody could help me Troy and that pissed me off because I did actually want your help but I needed to do it on my own. I needed to figure it out on my own because at that point, I was lost and confused on the life that I was given."

Troy rubbed his hands over the table, "You don't know that, I could have helped you if you would have let me try."

"I do know that Troy, we were both broken and I came back within two weeks. I just needed a moment to let myself go without you freaking out. I know that you are scared that I will just go look for a bottle of pills and end it all again but I'm not. I won't." I answered, "I have Logan who I couldn't just leave without a mother. I have a husband who once adored me and I can't leave either of those things." Troy looked up at me, "If something happened to you right now, I would never be the same person," Troy said quietly, "You have my heart in this tight hold and if you just disappeared from it, I don't think I would survive."

I took in a deep breath of air and I looked at the ceiling, "I am so sorry that I left Troy, I truly am but the minutes that I got to let myself breath. I also got to have my mom comfort me, a person who has been through it before. She helped me the best when it felt like nothing could be helped, like never before and to come to an understand of why it was all happening but I do understand why you are so frustrated."

"I just hate that you don't come to me anymore," his voice was so quiet that I barely heard because his voice was very strained.

"Go to you?"

"Your last miscarriage, you didn't come to me either. You went back to your mom and the first two times you wanted me. I was the one you wanted and then I suddenly wasn't the one you wanted any longer and that hurt more than anything," his eyes found mine and I saw the pain behind his eyes, the pain of losing the one thing that he had. "You deciding that you wanted to go somewhere else hurt me more than anything because I felt like I had lost your trust."

"The second wasn't fair, we were fighting and you still have my trust, I just figured that maybe I could save you from the pain of everything. I could save you from the pain of losing children, the pain of watching the person you love the most lose the biggest dream that she imagined," Troy sighed and he played with his hands.

"I still wanted you to come to me. I still wanted you to come and talk to me about it. Why didn't you tell me again?" I looked at him as he referenced the fourth miscarriage and I let a deep breath off my chest, "Troy," he looked at me and I looked back at him, his face was pained and I looked down at my hands.

"I found out I was pregnant and I wanted everything to change for us. I wanted us to have another baby and then maybe we would start getting along better because we were fighting because I couldn't have a baby and I know you blame me for a lot of this, and I blame myself," Troy's eyes held mine and I felt tears again, my throat closed but I kept talking because I just needed to tell him this. "Once I found out I was pregnant, I went to get it confirmed and we were for sure pregnant."

"From that one night?" I nodded my head and wiped away the tears, "I told nobody but Ellie because I just needed to say it aloud. I hoped that I could do it like Logan, I could just keep it a secret and then everything would be okay, we would have another baby and you would be happy again. You would stop blaming me,"

"I never blamed you,"

"Troy," my voice was pained, "Don't even lie about it, I know you hated me because I couldn't have another kid,"

"I never hated you," his voice was stronger, "maybe I was frustrated but I never hated you. I can't hate you because of something your body doesn't want. You don't control that. I hate when you lie to me, I hate when you keep secrets from me, I hate when you don't let me in."

"You did the same exact thing to me Troy!"

"My tommy john surgery was different!"

"How?"

His eyes tested me and he got up, "I need a break." He breathed, "I just need a break,"

May 1st, 2014

"Gabi, please, just tell me why you are upset!"

I listened to Troy plea over the phone and I didn't answer. I didn't have an answer.

"Gabi,"

"I'm fine,"

"You are lying!"

"No, I'm not."

"Another lie. Gabi, how are we supposed to make this relationship work if you won't tell me what is going on?"

He was right.

He was always right.

I bit on my lip and I worked it back and forth for a long time. "Troy,"

"Gabs, if you don't want this to work then just tell me! If you don't want us to work then tell me! I don't want to sit here on the phone and listen to you keep things that are bothering you from me! I know they are bothering you, I know you are upset and if I just knew what was bothering I could help fix it but I wish I could read minds Gabi and hell…sometimes I can read minds but your mind is a block. You are just there and I wish I could read your mind to make all of this better,"

I covered my mouth and I bit down hard on my lip, "I miss you okay? I miss the hell out of you and I feel like if I tell you then you are going to feel bad. I feel like if I tell you then you'll quit baseball and I don't want you to quit baseball Troy,"

"Gabs…"

It was sad that the thing that was bothering me was how much I missed him. "I'm sorry, it's stupid,"

"Nothing with you is stupid,"

"Stop being cheesy,"

"Then stop hiding things from me," he said with a laugh, "Gabi, I want nothing more than for us to be together and happy. I want nothing more than for us to be honest with each other because I love you."

I groaned, "I love you and miss you,"

"You sound better,"

"Thanks," I grumbled, "I still miss you,"

"Soon baby girl, soon,"

"What do you think would have happened to us if I let you not sign that paper?" Troy's eyes turned towards me with a questioning look in his eyes, he had just come back from wherever he was for his hour break from this and honestly I was ready for one too. I went to lie on my bed for a while and I thought about everything and anything.

"What do you mean?"

"If I told you that it was either me or baseball…and you chose me at eighteen, what do you think our relationship would be like?" Troy narrowed his eyes, "I feel like this is a set up." He answered; I shook my head, "Not a set up, just a question,"

He sighed, "Well, I honestly believe that we would be together like we are now."

"Really? I mean after everything with the tommy john surgery? You hate not being on the field. You hate not being able to throw a ball and do what you love the most so you honestly believe you wouldn't hate me for making you give up the thing you loved the most?"

Troy thought about it for a couple of minutes when he reached in the fridge for a beer, it was barely two in the afternoon. "Troy, really?"

"Gabi, if this is our entire day, I really am going to need some liquid encouragement."

"Is it that bad?"

"Gabi, it is a lot of bullshit."

I rubbed my temples with my fingers and I looked at him, "Then at least fucking give me one," Troy rose an eyebrow and looked at me, he then nodded as he gave me his open one and then got on out for himself. "I think maybe I would have had an issue after a while," Troy told me, his honesty coming out, "but then I would have realized that I have you and I need nothing more than that. I still think that," I let my eyes find his.

"Really?"

"Gabi, I don't want this to end between us,"

"I don't want this to end between us either,"

"I'm glad we feel the same on that part but how come I still feel like there is a wall blocking us from each other?" I sighed because I knew what Troy meant, there was something holding the both of us back from each other.

"Maybe we are both scared that this won't change anything," Troy looked at me and he sighed, "I know we have talked about a lot of different things but I mean you still don't tell me half of the shit that bothers you, you still feel like I am going to just give things up for you, I feel like you are scared of me,"

I shook my head, "I just don't remember what we used to be."

"We used to be the couple every couple was jealous of,"

"Gabs, this has happened a lot in our time in a relationship."

"Are you blaming me?"

"I am blaming both of us,"

I raised an eyebrow at him and he nodded, "You are right, I do suffocate you a lot and I do that because I love you. I love you a lot and I know I haven't said that enough lately, I know I haven't said it at all in the past months but here I am saying it now, I love you and that doesn't change anything. Fighting or not fighting, that doesn't change." My eyes looked at him and he nodded, "I do push you a lot and I don't give you space and that will change but I also want you to start talking to me. I just want you to talk to me."

I nodded my head, "Okay, about what,"

"Everything Gabi,"

I nodded my head, "The stupid things and the big things. I just want to hear your opinion on everything. I know I have told you this before and I will let you start coming to me now when you are ready vs. getting in the way in the beginning. You take a while to process things,"

I nodded my head and I let my thumbs run down the beer bottle, "If I get pregnant, I'll tell you before I am eleven weeks pregnant." Troy laughed, his first genuine laugh to me in weeks. "How about at least a week after you find out." I smiled while he leaned against the counter across from me. "A week?"

"Gives you time to wrap your head around it," I smiled and I reached over and I touched his hand, "I love you too Troy," his eyes looked up at me, "I know just talking isn't going to fix everything, we have to actually apply all of these things we have talked about."

Troy sighed, "I guess it is my turn,"

May 20th, 2015

Troy's POV

I smiled at my locker while I turned around to face Gordon's locker, he threw a paper at me and I shook my head as I threw it in the trash. "Bolton," I looked up at the clubhouse manager and I nodded because I apparently had a visitor. I stood up and I walked over to the exit and I looked around but I didn't see anybody.

"Looking for me?" her arms wrapped around my waist and I laughed, "Brie," I breathed, I turned around and she looked at me with a big smile. "What in the world are you doing here?" I picked her up and I pressed her tightly against me.

"I heard a rumor that you were on the DL…" she said softly, I sighed, "It is nothing major,"

"You are injured,"

"I'll only miss two starts, I'm fine."

She pulled at my hand that was wrapped tightly and she looked at it, "I had to make sure my big bad fiancé was okay," I smiled at her and I let my fingers sweep underneath of her eyes, "I have you right? Why in the world do I need baseball too?"

"Because Troy Bolton, you are only half Troy when you don't play baseball." I smiled at her words and I kissed her forehead gently, "I am so happy that you are here."

"I am happy that I am here."

Gabi's POV

Troy took another drink of his beer, "When I got hurt, it really did hurt, my elbow didn't hurt but my insides hurt. Everything about me ached and I knew that you were hurting from everything still. I was angry, I was angry that I couldn't help this team this year, I was angry that I could be apart of this great organization and that I was letting my team down. I was pissed off."

I nodded as I listened to him. It was my turn to listen and his turn to explain what he was feeling. "Maybe I can understand where you are coming from because I felt like a failure and that I had let my team down. I felt like I had let you and Logan down because that is my one and only job. That is the only thing I am good at, I can't go and get a job in the real world and make the amount of money that I do now and I feel like I was letting you down,"

"Troy, I make a good salary,"

"But I am supposed to take care of you! That is my job is to take care of you and Logan and I know that if something happened that you could carry this family but I don't want that for you. If you ever felt like you wanted to quit and be with Logan and just enjoy life then I want you to be able to do that and maybe that is why I would have regretted not signing that contract because I imagine the richest of lives for you. I imagine you doing nothing but what you ever want in this world," he breathed in deeply as he looked at me, "You are my queen Gabi, I want nothing but the best for you and for us so me not contributing to the team…to us…" he let it drag out as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Troy, I would absolutely hate not working. You know I don't like to sit and do nothing." I told him, he shook his head because this wasn't the point to the conversation.

"Of course and I never want you to change. I just want that option for you and even though I still got paid, I felt like a cheater, that I cheated the Royals out of money." Troy sighed, "I don't know, I was just angry and I never wanted to get hurt. I hate being on the DL and you know that, I just felt like a complete and utter failure," he stopped and looked at me, "and look at the team? They fell apart without a leader, I may still be there but I am not a leader when I can't lead on the field."

"I'm sorry," I told him honestly, he shrugged his shoulders, "I just wish everything was different this year. I wish I could have taken care of my elbow sooner because I told you in that past September that it was bothering me and if I would have let them take an MRI then, maybe I could have gotten the surgery done in October and been that much closer to coming back." He rubbed his eyes; "I wish I would have done everything with you differently,"

I stopped him, "Troy, we can't wish that we would have done things differently because they happened. It's over." I told him, "We can't dwell on the past and maybe this makes our marriage stronger or maybe it breaks us all together."

His fingers went to play with his own wedding ring and he looked down at it, "I feel like an ass Gabi, I have been an ass."

"We have both made our share of mistakes,"

"You were hurting a lot," Troy commented back, I looked at Troy and I knew our day was drawing to a close because it had just been a very long day. "We can call it quits for the night," I said to him quietly, he looked at me with surprise but he nodded because it had been a long day. We had been talking for hours and it felt really, really, good. My chest and shoulders felt lighter and I felt like I could breathe more.

My eyes lingered on Troy, "Will you sleep back in our room tonight?" Troy looked at me surprised, "I mean, if it is too soon then it is too soon and if you want a night but Troy…I don't want something to happen. I feel like we are at this awkward stage of a romance novel where we know we love each other but if we touch each other things will just fall apart again. If we have a civil conversation then where does it go?"

Troy seemed to agree and his eyes lifted to mine, a small smile came over his lips and he looked at me, "Do you trust me?" I turned my head and I looked at him, "Yes…" I said quietly, "I trust you."

"Good," he answered, he then turned around and began to walk out but stopped and turned to face me. "My answer to your question is no, I will not sleep upstairs but have a bag packed for Monday. I'll call the Royals and work things out." I frowned deeply at him, "Where are we going?" I asked him, he laughed, "You trust me remember?"

I slowly just nodded my head, "Do I need to pack Lo a bag?"

He paused to think about it and then he shook his head, "No," he answered, "Are you going to be okay without being by her side for a week or two?" I frowned even deeper, "Troy Bolton, what is up your sleeve?"

"Are you going to be okay with that?" he ignored my question and I finally just nodded my head, "Yes, okay, but a hint?"

"You trust me Gabi,"

"I trust you Troy,"

He then disappeared down the stairs and into the basement as I slouched against the wall. I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was sleep…for hours.

Troy's POV

When I got to the room I had been sleeping in my blood was running faster and my heart was beating loudly because of everything that had happened today. Everything we had needed to do for a long ass time and it just all came out.

Honesty.

Listening.

She shed a good amount of tears today and I felt helpless looking at her. She was broken and tired but I wanted nothing more than to just hold her. Rejecting her offer to go back to my bed was difficult but I did have something up my sleeve. Maybe we never fell out of love but we need to remember why we were in love in the first place.

I exhaled loudly to try and get my body to calm down but everything was moving faster and I hadn't felt this way in months. Gabi and pitching were the only two things that could make me feel this way. I hadn't had much of either since March.

Picking up my phone, I scrolled through some pictures and I smiled at a couple of them. I went all the way back to January when things were okay, normal. Gabi was smiling with Logan as they played in the sand on vacation. Hawaii.

Gabi's brown eyes so large and beautiful.

I relaxed and I looked up at the ceiling because today was exhausting but we also needed this day. We both needed this day.

December 21st, 2016

Gabi's POV

Troy and I strolled around our spot, as we were looking for random things and just having fun with each other. I smiled when Troy picked up a stone and threw it off the ledge. I bit my lip while Troy finally turned around to face me, "What are you thinking silly?"

I shrugged and Troy came over, his arms looped around my neck and he kissed my forehead. The sun was setting over the hills when Troy pulled me back against him, his heart beating calmly underneath of his skin and the heat of his skin keeping me warm on a chilly day.

"Troy?"

"Yea,"

I let my finger run over the top of his hand, drawing a pattern that I didn't even recognize. "Promise me…when things get hard we come back here to remember the simple things in life."

"Yea? What simple things?" Troy asked me, I held onto his arms a little tighter and I breathed deeply, "The air, the sun, the mountains, everything. I just want to remember that life can suck and we can fight but you and me here…we are on top of the world. We are invincible." Troy kissed the top of my head, "I'll remember that Gabi,"

"Promise?"

"I promise when the things get hard we can come back here to remember the simple things in life." He paused because I knew he was going to add something else, "and the most simple thing in this world is my love for you."

Happy WEDNESDAY! I know…a random day to update but I figured you guys have been put through enough already and you deserved it! I do understand in the reviews where it was getting monotoned throughout the whole thing but it was mostly to drag it out because of the plans I have in the story that are still to come.

Also – can't help myself. This won't be the last story like some have mentioned. You guys rock still and I still have an idea for this story that can't be ignored in my head (I'm also addicted to these characters)

Hopefully you'll get an update Sunday, I am almost done writing that chapter so that is going good! Rescue will be updated Sunday as well. (Sorry…no double update!)

Tell me what you think!

Please Review!