Tears of the Heart Chapter 14: The Full Table, The Empty Room, an escaflowne fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne (or any of Escaflowne's characters.) I also don't own any flashbacks from the series or "After All" by Peter Cetera and Cher.

Tears of the Heart

Well here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight

I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always
Brings me back to you

After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all

When love is truly right
This time it's truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
Oh and on the way it grows
But it never disappears

Always just beyond my touch
Though I needed you so much
After all what else is living for
Whoa

-"After All" by Peter Cetera and Cher

Chapter 14: The Full Table, The Empty Room

He put a hand on her shoulder. He seemed to be looking right through her with those fluid, dark eyes. Hitomi stared at him widely, not quite sure what the young king was planning to do. She was taken off-guard when he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. She found her face burrowed into his muscular shoulder, and she couldn't honestly say that she minded. It felt so right, so safe, being in Van's arms like this.

When I'm with Van, I just feel like I belong here. She realized, closing her eyes and taking in his masculine, natural scent.

"I'm glad that you're with me, Hitomi." Van murmured.

"I don't think that I've ever told you that."

"No…" Hitomi whispered. "It's nice to hear…"

"Hitomi… I…" She looked at him softly.

"Please, Van, let's leave this place. Folken wouldn't want to stay here any longer. It's time to go home." She blushed softly, seeing a slight upturn of Van's lips when she alluded to Fanelia as her home.

Well it's the closest thing to a home that I've got now. I mean, I can't stay in Zaibach, and Earth, well it's not really an option anymore. I've changed too much to belong on Earth anymore. She thought sadly.

"That's more than fine with me." Van said softly. He blushed when she took his hands in hers and smiled at him. "Escaflowne!" he called out, looking towards the sky, physically and mentally summoning the white dragon. It seemed like only a moment had passed when his guymelef arrived, stirring up dust and rocks as it landed behind them.

"It's nice that some things never change." Hitomi said softly, looking at the beautiful armor, marveling at its majesty. True, Escaflowne was dangerous, but it had also helped Van move forward after Fanelia was destroyed. Without it, she sometimes thought that Van would have been lost. That he wouldn't have been able to move on.

Whether it was right or wrong… He needed Escaflowne to survive…

She looked off to the side where Van stood, staring down at his brother with that unreadable expression he so often sported. He closed his eyes, somewhat painfully, and she could see him clench his fists. As much as Van had hated Folken, the loss of his brother had wounded him deeply.

After all, Folken was really the only family he had left. He's all alone now. Oh, Van… She sighed. For all we know, Van may be the last Draconian left. I wonder what it's like to be so alone…

Hitomi watched as Van knelt down, removed Folken's cape, and wrapped it around his brother's head as a sort of make-shift burial cloth. With great effort, he attempted to lift his brother and carry him towards the Escaflowne. However, Folken was a very tall man, and weighed enough to prove it. Van couldn't do this by himself. Hitomi wordlessly came over and grabbed hold of Folken's legs, and together, they gently placed him in Escaflowne.

"It's going to be alright, Van." Hitomi told him quietly, biting her lip. "I know that it may not seem like it right now, but I promise you. Everything's going to be okay."

Silently, he stepped onto the platform of the guymelef and offered his hand to Hitomi, pulling her up next to him. After she was seated, he took the controls. Suddenly they were leaving Zaibach far behind them.

"Goodbye…" Hitomi whispered as the guymelef caught another gust of wind. They were flying away.

Hitomi and Van flew in silence, neither daring to say a word to the other, Van grasping Escaflowne's controls as if they were a lifeline. Maybe they were.

"So, we're heading back to Fanelia, then?" Hitomi asked softly, breaking the unbearable silence.

"Yes. Fanelia is Folken's home. It's only right that he be put to rest there. And I've neglected my kingdom more often than not as of late. It's about time that I start acting like the king that I am." Van replied solemnly.

"But our troubles are over now, right? Zaibach has lost its leader. I don't think that their resiliency will be quite so formidable this time around. Fanelia is finally safe, Van."

"Yes, but who knows for how long…?" he murmured.

"It looks like I'm following you home again…" she observed, smiling softly. It had been three years since she first came to Gaea, but it seemed like it had always been a part of her.

"I don't mind so much this time." he murmured awkwardly, refusing to make eye contact. He was still her awkward, socially-graceless Van.

"Van… I think that I've finally figured out what's wrong with me…"

"What's that?"

"I… I always choose the wrong boy… I picked Amano when Yukari loved him, I picked Allen…" That one went without explanation. "Then I guess I picked Folken… He would still be alive if it wasn't for me… I hurt everyone who I care about… I always do… And Van, you've been here all this time. You were always there for me, and I never even realized it. I'm sorry, Van. I've taken advantage of you time and time again. I just always seem to make you terribly unhappy. I'm sorry for all of the pain that I've caused you. Even when I abandoned you, you were always there protecting me. And how do I repay you? I just leave. I always leave."

"It's fine." Van grunted.

"No, Van, it really isn't. No one like me deserves to have a friend like you." She put a hand on his arm, and looked up at him, smiling through tears. "You know, sometimes I think the reason I fell for Allen was because I thought that he needed me. He always acted like he wanted me around. He was so open with his feelings."

Maybe a little too open. She thought, grimacing.

"You would have married him if you hadn't left." Van stated matter-of-factly.

She smiled softly, shaking her head.

"No… I think that I… I think that I just wanted someone to love me so much that when Allen… It just made me feel like I had to love him in return. But I could never have been happy with Allen. He was too controlling, too easy with women, too perfect… Allen and I wouldn't have made each other happy. I know that now. Van, when I heard you. When I heard how much you wanted me to be safe, I was scared. I was scared to let you care about me. I didn't want to hurt you. You were always getting hurt, Van, and it always seemed like I was to blame. But Van… In that moment, I never felt so… loved. You've always been watching over me, Van. I think that you're my guardian angel."

"I'm no angel…" he murmured as Hitomi stared at him, standing rigidly, looking straight ahead towards the horizon.

"I just wish that you could see what I see when I look at you. You're so brave and strong. You're selfless, loyal, and kind. Really, Van, you're the best person that I've ever met." This admission caused her face to turn a bright red as she averted her gaze towards her suddenly-interesting shoes.

"You don't need to say that." Van replied hastily, his face rivaling the girl's beside him, gripping the controls tighter, if that was possible.

"Seriously. But it's not like you're perfect or anything. You're stubborn, irrational, violent, close-minded, hermit-like… And you wear the same thing all the time! You can be very rude, you rush into things blindly, and…" Van's fists were now clenched, the Escaflowne's controls long-since forgotten.

"Well if I'm so terrible, why don't you go back to your precious palace?!" he spat angrily.

She sighed.

"But in spite of everything, I still… love you, Van." she finished softly, folding her hands in her lap. "It took me a long time to realize it, but now I know."

"You know, it's taken a lot of patience to catch you in between suitors." Van commented, still facing forward as Hitomi felt ready to die of embarrassment.

"Yeah. I guess that you're right." she admitted, sickened by herself. How could one girl go through so many "one true loves" in such a short amount of time?

I mean… I guess it's not too unusual… Plenty of girls my age go through multiple boyfriends in a single year. Yeah, I'm not doing anything wrong! She became morally indignant from Van's "implied" insult. Then she pushed back her bangs with her hand and stared at him thoughtfully. But for those girls… It's not…serious, I guess. I mean, I've been married, proposed to, and nearly eloped with three guys in three years. That's a little Jerry Springer-ish.

"Hitomi… I…" Suddenly, they were interrupted by a frightful commotion. Well, perhaps not frightful. Below them was an endless mass of people. And they were…

Cheering? Hitomi thought in confusion.

"HURAH!" they cried joyously, gazing up at the two young-adults. "LORD VAN! HURAH! HURAH!"

"I think that you have some fans." Hitomi commented, smirking.

"So it appears." Van agreed, a slight tinge of confusion evident in his tone.

Hitomi looked down at the scenery and gasped, tears coming to her eyes.

"It's… Fanelia…" she whispered, grasping onto the side of Escaflowne for support. "We're back, Van."

I haven't seen Fanelia since I was fifteen… She thought in wonder, staring at the wide assortment of buildings surrounding the beautiful castle flanked by gardens.

"It's like I never left."

"Maybe we never did. Maybe this whole thing has was just a dream…" Van whispered, looking out at the people. His people.

"Well it's the most realistic dream that I've ever had." she replied. She smiled thoughtfully. "Your people truly love you, Van."

She nearly screamed when he grabbed hold of her as they began a sudden descent. Then, they were on the road paved with cobblestones, surrounded by an endless horde of Fanelians of all shapes and sizes. Their king had returned, and they did little to hide their enthusiasm.

"LORD VAN!" they exclaimed jubilantly, crowding around and circling him joyously.

"I, Van Fanel, have returned to you, people of Fanelia. And I've brought you something… someone," he amended quickly, "that you've needed… that we've needed…" He suddenly grabbed a hold of Hitomi's hand. "My people, I've brought you your future queen. Lady Hitomi, the seeress from the Mystic Moon!" Cheers and gasps erupted. Hitomi looked at him in obvious, justifiable confusion.

"Wait a second… Don't I get any say in this?!" she demanded hotly as everyone silenced, staring at her as Van gave her an incredulous look.

"Don't you want to be queen?"

"Well… I… Well you didn't even ask!" Blush stained her cheeks as she blinked, trying, and failing, to hide her embarrassment.

"Well then…" He blushed, dropping to one knee and looking up at her. His eyes were so solid, so determined. Like he was about to enter a battle. Perhaps this was the most formidable battle he'd ever faced. "I, Van Fanel, would be deeply honored, if you, Hitomi Kanzaki… would be… my wife." She stared at him expressionlessly as he took her hand between his two leather-gloved palms. "Will you marry me?"

She looked out at the crowd of people, hushed, waiting expectantly. Then… she looked at Van, the boy who she'd known since she was a girl, who she'd cared for, cried over, fought with. The boy who was secretly an angel, but fought like a demon. The boy who was looking at her right now as though she could shatter his entire world with the wrong response. She wouldn't, couldn't shatter Van's world.

"Yes, Van. I will be your wife." He rose up and crushed her to him as hats were thrown into the air and cheers ensued.

"Van…?"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?" Hitomi cautiously made her way down the path that led to her husband.

"Nothing." She glanced up and saw Escaflowne kneeling before the king and inwardly rolled her eyes.

"It sure doesn't look like nothing." she commented.

"I was thinking about what my mother said. You remember, you told me what she said after you talked to her that time."

"Oh that. I haven't been using the cards, Van. I promise. And you still have my pendant. I swear, I've tried to do what your mother said! I don't let my feelings call up bad futures anymore."

"This isn't about you." Van replied solemnly. "It's about me."

She looked at him in confusion. Hitomi studied him. Like she had so many times before.

Flashback

"All you have to do is look at people and you know them. I don't care what anyone tells you, Hitomi. You can see a person's heart right through their clothing. You can watch them grow, right before your eyes." Hitomi's grandmother whispered softly, placing a wrinkled, gnarled hand over Hitomi's.

End of Flashback

He had grown. Anyone who didn't know him, who didn't know Van, would never have noticed. But he had. He'd been a willowy, stick of a boy, albeit still very handsome. In the last few years, he'd filled out considerably. True, he was still a bit thin, but she saw his muscles convulse beneath his skin and she knew he'd grown quite a bit since she'd first met him. True, he had more scars now. One on his forehead was particularly noticeable. She felt, that as much as he tried to hide it, he was self-conscious of it, and she always made sure to tell him how she was lucky to have a husband willing to fight for justice. But most of Van's scars were on his soul and heart. And those would take a lifetime to heal, if they ever did.

"What about you?" she asked softly.

"I realized that perhaps my mother wasn't directing all of that at you… We're more alike than we thought." His gaze fell on Escaflowne, the cold machine before him. "By keeping Escaflowne awake, I'm only showing our people that I have no faith that we can be at peace. That I feel that I must be ready to fight at any given moment. I'm telling them not to believe in our dream of a land without war. To guard their every move and keep their children indoors. What kind of king am I to crush my peoples' spirits? I'm going to let Escaflowne sleep. I don't want to rely on it any longer. I want to believe in our future. I'm just sorry that it took me so long to realize that I didn't need it anymore." He smiled slightly and climbed onto Escaflowne's knee. Reaching inside, he pulled out the dragenergist. Escaflowne's heart. He watched as it silenced forever. "Thank you, Escaflowne." he whispered.

"I feel like I've been here before…" Hitomi commented aloud.

"Maybe you have… Maybe all of this is a dream. Maybe, nothing is real…" Van replied, staring at her through his obscuring bangs.

Hitomi asked softly, "So, is it time to wake up?"

"Dilly!" Yukari called, wiping her hands on her apron as she called to her son through the back door. She tapped her foot a bit impatiently when she got no reply. "DILANDAU!" Her eyes grew a bit angry as she threw the apron off, storming outside. She heard a soft giggle and rounded the side of the house. There, behind the garage, was her son, playing with a lighter.

Why me? She thought.

"DILANDAU SUMURU!" she shrieked.

"AHH!" She had caught him off guard and he fell from his crouched position onto his backside, the lighter falling harmlessly to the ground beside him. "I CAN EXPLAIN!" the little boy began quickly.

"I'm sure that you can… And you'll have plenty of time to explain this to your father when he gets home. Ah, there he is now…" She saw Amano's Camry pull up in the driveway and flashed a triumphant grin at her young son.

"Oh jeez…" the boy muttered, eyes widening. He quickly scrambled out front to the driveway. Amano stepped out of his car and was quickly enlaced in a crushing pint-sized embrace.

"Oh, Daddy! I love you!" the boy gushed.

"Um… Yes… I love you too, Son." Amano gasped awkwardly. That kid was strong! He patted Dilandau on the head while quickly escaping from his death grip.

"Hey, Dear." Amano whispered as Yukari approached, arms crossed in front of her, staring at their son rather coldly. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, but she refused to break her stoic, ice-like glare.

"Why don't you ask your son what he's been up to this afternoon?" Yukari asked in a fake-pleasant tone.

"Why not? What have you been up to, Kiddo?" He ruffled his son's hair, trying to avoid his wife's piercing glare.

"I made my bed and ate all of my vegetables…" his son quickly piped up.

"You're a terrible liar, Dilandau." Amano commented softly.

"So what has he really done?"

"He was playing with a lighter! He could have set the whole house on fire!" Yukari replied heatedly.

"Is this true?" Amano looked down at his son, who weakly nodded.

"Yes, Sir." He stared down at his feet.

"Well let's have no more of that. Up to your room." he murmured as the boy quickly dashed off.

"Well, he is fast; maybe he'll continue the family track legacy." Amano commented weakly.

"Unless he becomes an arsonist…" Yukari replied.

"Oh, come on, Yukari… I bet that it's a one-time thing… He's a kid; he was probably just… curious."

"Amano… This wasn't the first time… I just didn't tell you. I'm worried about him. And every time I take one away, he always seems to get a hold of another one."

"Maybe it's a phase?" Amano suggested hopefully.

"I hope so…" Yukari murmured, glancing up as the light in her son's room flickered on. Somehow, she doubted that.

Hitomi lay sprawled across the bed. She was staring up at the ceiling, thinking of that book she had read when she was a little girl. Madeline. That funny book about the little French girl… The girl got her appendix taken out at the hospital and hunted on the ceiling for shapes. She'd seen a rabbit…

Nope… No rodents on my ceiling… She thought gloomily. How long am I going to be here anyway? She'd been lying there for hours. Everyone seemed so worried about her. She didn't know why. People were so silly sometimes. Honestly. She wondered where Van was. She'd been apart from him for so long just a short while ago, but now… Well, whenever they were apart, she felt empty inside. Like there was something missing.

I must really love him then… She thought whimsically. She instantly felt ashamed of herself. Van's my husband… How can I doubt my feelings for him? I promised him my life… My very soul… That day that we were married in the castle. And Van's life is my own. I don't deserve him… Van's been nothing but loyal and devoted to me from the start… I'm the only woman he has ever truly loved. He has proved that time and time again. And what do I turn around and do? I treat his feelings like they're nothing… Am I really that terrible of a person?

She sighed. When had life become so complicated? All she'd wanted as a 15-year-old was for Amano Sumuru to give her her very first kiss. Funny how things don't work out the way you plan.

Things barely worked out at all… She thought glumly. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living… So full of sadness and regret… Every joy seems to be followed by overcoming sorrow… Is this how you felt when you tried to end your life, Yukari?

She wondered if she'd ever see her red-headed, mischievous friend again… Or the handsome, yet slightly clueless Amano. Or Yukari's son… Or her own family…

Mom? Do you ever think about me? Do I worry you? I'm so sorry, Mom… She sniffed, fighting back tears. Now was not the time to cry. Crying is useless… I have to be strong… Otherwise, I won't be able to move on. I've been thinking about Folken a lot lately. Actually, I've thought about him more now that he's dead than when he was alive… That's a morbid thought… Sometimes, I still think that I can hear his voice. I ask myself, what would he do in this situation? What would he say? I wonder if he would look down on me with pride or disdain. When did his opinion become so important to me anyway? I'm a terrible wife… I only appreciate my husbands when they're no longer within my reach.

She could hear Van yelling at some hapless servant outside.

What a temper…

Some things never changed. But she was glad that he hadn't changed. Van was the constant in her life. He was like a steady river. Reliable, beautiful, so sure of himself. She was more like the wind. Always changing direction, changing her mind, changing her feelings on life. She wished that she could be more like him.

Will I ever grow up?

She'd had to do a little of that in the past year. After she had married Van, they'd set to rebuilding not only Fanelia, but Gaea in its entirety. What had once been a ruined paradise was progressively becoming a thriving land. Van had appointed official leaders for all of the different Gaean countries. Van had authority over the entire planet now, since all the other royal families had been killed off when Zaibach had taken over. The ruler of one of the smallest kingdoms on Gaea soon became the overseer of the entire world. Of course, being the way Van was, this was about the last thing he wanted, but what else could be done? He reluctantly became Gaea's guardian, with Hitomi by his side as his queen.

Their marriage had not been the small, intimate gathering that they'd wanted, but rather a monstrous month-long celebration of feasting, wine, and merry-making. It had been all too much really. She'd even fallen ill. Van quickly halted the celebrating after that, driving the partiers back to where they belonged.

Their peace and quiet had been short-lived before the task of ruling not only Fanelia, but all the other countries became apparent. Constant problems, complaints, and uprisings seemed to fall upon them. Hitomi didn't know how to handle it. Sometimes, she just couldn't take it anymore, and fled to the forest, crying and wishing that she was home, wishing that she wasn't a queen. She'd never really felt like one in Zaibach… The nice thing about a dictatorship was that there were no complaints and there was an army to quell any "upstarts." Hitomi had been shielded from such problems then.

And I wanted to be involved… She thought, rolling her eyes.

However, she did what she could, tending to the sick, helping with the orphaned, the poor, and the destitute. She held parties for the ladies of Van's appointees and tried to be civil to her husband's pig-headed council. They hated her. There was no getting around it. It was no ordinary life.

But when the day was over, and she and Van were alone, she felt like it was worth it. That all she needed was this wonderful man to make her happy for the rest of her days. Van was her first true love and he would be her last. He wrapped his arms around her and she felt the sweat and power of his embrace. She was lost. He consumed her.

Suddenly, she heard a loud wailing. Where was it coming from? Her calm, tranquil world dissolved and she fell, screaming back into reality. She was being ripped apart. Why did it hurt so much? She couldn't stop sobbing and cursing. She wanted to die. Who would force a woman to undergo such a terrible pain? What was happening to her?

"Milady…" a soft voice whispered, nudging her slightly as she tiredly turned her head to face the woman who was speaking. "What's his name, Milady?" She held up a squirming, bloody mess for her to see. Her baby. Her first son. She stared at him, as though trying to cast him away with her gaze. She closed her eyes and grimaced when she knew that she could not. Van broke down the door just then, the flustered servants who had tried to prevent his entrance following behind him. He seemed paralyzed when he saw her and the child.

"Folken." she murmured. She stared at Van, her eyes never wavering. There was nothing left now. She was empty inside.

A/N: Angsty, huh? To clear up any confusion, Hitomi is kind of in one of those empty spaces in her mind where she tends to go. She's going in and out of consciousness during her labor, which is why it might be a bit… odd sounding… And I know that the Yukari/Amano scene was a bit random… This chapter is kind of just explaining how everyone bides their time until the next chapter. Y/A raising a family, Van and Hitomi starting one… Well, the next chapter is the last. Sorry that this one took forever to come out. School and writer's block swat at me frequently. Think of this as a belated Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's present! Thanks for all of your loyalty to this story and to me, despite the shortcomings that both this fic and I possess. I hope to put up the last chapter in a timely manner. But Theater Fest is this weekend, and I have to memorize my lines… So, we'll see how things go…

Next Time On "Tears of the Heart":

"It's mean of Uncle Folken to make you cry." the boy commented stubbornly. He hated to see his mother cry.

"Oh, don't be mad at him, Sweetheart. It's not his fault." Hitomi replied, pulling him into what was becoming a group hug.

"Did you love Uncle Folken, too?" he asked. There was an awkward silence.