Chapter 7- I Treasure Your Love
Warnings, et Disclaimers- see chapter one.
K, on with the chapter...
He read until his eyes were tired, and his head throbbed. Then gil grissom fell asleep, his head landing on a pile of written emotions, the emotions of the person he loved with all he had, his heart, his soul, his everything...
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He was walking towards her, as she knelt on the hill. "Sara?"
"hey Gil." That's when he knew it was a dream. Sara always called him Grissom, or Griss when she was in an especially affectionate mood.
She looked up at him with youthful eyes. He noticed that she looked at the most relaxed he'd ever seen her. No furrowed brow, no biting her lips. Just Sara.
She offered her hand to him, and he pulled her up. "Sara, how are you? Where are you?"
"You need to fit the puzzle together, I can't do it for you." her eyes were dancing with light and humour.
"Sara, please help me find you."
"Gil, come dance."
Music was playing from nowhere. Grissom recognized it as the Pezzo Capriccioso, the melodramatic music twirling through the air. Sara grabbed him.
They danced around the side of the hill. Grissom couldn't speak, he wanted this dream never to end. But Sara pushed him away.
"Sara?"
She was walking down the hill away from him. He ran after her and touched her shoulder. "Sara, don't go."
She whirled around to look at him. Her eyes were open caverns of fear, dismay, and sadness. Gil could see no hope there. Suddenly she stepped towards him.
"I did it Gil. I did it..."
"Sweetie, what, what did you do? Sara? Sweetheart, please. What?"
"I DID IT. I DID IT. IT DOESN'T STOP."
Gil looked at the arms she was pushing in his direction. Cut's ran down them, red gashes lying open on the pale white skin.
Gil saw the blood run down her arms and her legs, spreading over the white dress he hadn't noticed she was wearing.
"I DID IT. I DIT IT. I DID IT."
She was screaming now, bloody tears ran down her face. "I DID THIS"
"Sara...sara...please."
"No, don't"
He was in a dark enclosed space
Grissom looked down on Sara, lying semi-catatonic beneath him. He laughed hysterically and cruelly as tears ran from her eyes, and her blue-tinged lips uttered. "Please. Don't"
Grissom wanted to stop himself. He wanted to grab her and run out of the hell-hole they were in. He wanted to save her, show her that there was love for her from not just him, but almost everyone who knew Sara.
He grabbed her by the shoulders and thrust into her.
It was almost like Gil was fighting himself, but not himself. He could see Sara under him, her eyes focused on some distant point in the ceiling. She wasn't really there anymore...
Sara had tripped and fallen in the dirt, and he couldn't pick her up.
"Griss? Gil! Gil! Wake-up! GIL!"
Grissom could feel someone shaking him.
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"Rock and Roll dreams come through" Meatloaf
"I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF" he grabbed the wrist shaking him and twisted it.
"Let go, you're hurting me!" Catherine's voice plaintively drifted towards him, and he dropped her wrist like it was on fire. "Gil, what's wrong?"
"I'm- I'm fine. Nothing."
"couldn't stop yourself doing what?" Catherine was curious to see what the night-shift supervisor had gotten into such a state about.
"Nothing, I didn't do anything. It was just a dream."
"uh, ok. What are we going to do with these?" She gestured to the notebooks littering the desk. The ones on the left side had been read, the ones on the right side hadn't.
"leave them. Nick- No, I'll read the rest of them."
"you've been holed up in here for at least two hours. Can't the team help you? We all know Sara, it's not like we'll be giving them to a stranger..."
"No, I'll be done in four hours max."
"'Kay. I think Ecklie wants to speak to you, by the way."
"thank you." Catherine knew she was being dismissed, and she watched from a furrowed forehead, as Grissom picked up the unread notebooks and left the lab, after placing the read ones in his locked fiing cabinet.
Catherine exhaled slowly. What the hell was in there? Was Sara an ex convict? An ex drug dealer? An ex-prostitute? What? Cath knew that Sara had had previous problems with a DUI, but hell, who didn't have one of those in Vegas? Cath had to know what was in those diaries. Everyone at the lab knew she had an insatiable hunger for gossip...she did know where Griss kept a spare key...
The devil on her shoulder urged her : "Go on Cath, we won't tell..."
The angel : "We? You mean you, you shizoid fire-crotch!" even angel Cath had a bit of an attitude problem...
Devil: "C'mon, it won't do any harm..."
Angel : "What about Sara? You'll hurt her by invading her privacy..."
Devil : "She never needs to know...it's not like whatever is in there is gonna be that bad, it's Sara for Chrissakes!"
Angel : "Fuck off. Cath's not going to listen to you..."
"The hell I'm not." Catherine was halfway through the office, and was retrieving the spare key from underneath the formaldehyde 'Miss Piggy'
Cathine Willows walked quickly, and authoritavely from Grissoms office to the locker room, where she would be found thirty minutes later by Greg, vomiting into one of the bins...
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"Cath, Cath, are you okay? Catherine!"
Greg ran to her when he saw her bent double over the garbage bin. "What happened?"
"jesus Christ! Oh god. Sara."
Greg snapped his head toward her, paying close attention. "What, what about Sara?"
"oh Greg. I knew people did this, but, oh, Greg."
"What? What?"
"She was only thirteen. Jesus. Younger than Linsey. That could have been my baby!"
Greg noticed the notebook in Catherines lap, and recoiled backwards. "Cath, is-is that Sara's diary? Please tell me it's not."
"Fuck. I just wanted to know if there was any way I could help her. And I read it, I didn't think stuff like that, had-had happened. I mean, I figured maybe some family problems, but not, not anything like that. And she was so young Greg...only a little girl..."
"Cath, I-"
Catherine seemed to get a hold of herself. Drying her eyes, and wiping under them to rid herself of smudged mascara and eye-liner, she straightened her jacket.
"I'm putting this back in the office, then- then I'll come help you."
"Ummm...'kay...you know that the shift's over? What about uh, Linsey?"
"It's fine...I have a sitter in for her. I'm not leaving till we find something."
"'kay" Greg wanted to ask her about the book, but knew he couldn't.
Why, oh why do the cruelties of men fascinate us so?
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"Gil, come in"
Ecklie's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Any news on Sidle?"
"Nothing."
"Gil-I think we need to get CSI's off the case, and missing persons on it. Even though she's one of us, we cant afford to le-"
"What?" Grissom could feel the bubbling violent side of him urging to punch Ecklie there and then.
"We cannot afford to let the day-shift take on every responsibility. I'm sorry Gil, but Sara is no longer priority. She has been missing for over 48 hours. There are bodies coming in by the hour. Crime scene's are not preserved which you damn know"
"NO. WE ARE WORKING SARA'S CASE. WE HAVE TO FIND HER."
"No Grissom. That's missing persons job."
"NO, THATS MY FUCKING JOB! LET ME DO IT!"
Ecklies eyes suddenly shone in malice. "Gil, is there some inappropriate attachment between you and CSI Sidle?"
"No." said Gil, turning around to walk out the door, knowing he couldn't argue his way out of that corner. "I was too late."
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When Sara woke up, the first thing she noticed was that she wasn't leaning against the basement door. She was in a chair. Sitting in a chair. With straps attaching her to it. And a blindfold over her eyes. She was freezing cold, so so cold.
"Hey princess. How was your nap? Did you sleep okay?"
"Fuck you."
"C'mon Princess that's not nice. You know, I couldn't even take a wild guess about the amount of times that you've said that to me."
"I'll say it again. FUCK. YOU."
"Princess, I think you need a little lesson in manners..."
She froze. That was too familiar to be coincidental.
He saw her stiffen. "Ah-ah-ah, PRINCESS. A blast from the past?"
"who are you?" she was terrified. He could hear it in her voice, smell it in the air. Jayden Bounton saw himself as a great hunter, one with the base skills, but with more honed talents in addition to this. He could smell his 'prey's' fear, he knew what direction they would take, why, he even knew what they were thinking. He knew what she was thinking, he knew her through and through. Inside out. Well, he knew her inside out, he chuckled at his own disgusting innuendo.
"Princess, you know who I am."
"b-b-but, you're in jail. I know, I saw. Someone told."
"Did you tell Princess? Did you?"
"I didn't! I promise I didn't! I swear...I swear...please, believe me, I swear...I promise..."
"Princess, are you lying?"
"no...please...I never told..."
"You are lying. You know what happens to liars?"
"You're not Him."
"Oh, but princess, I'm close enough. And he will see you, I guarantee."
"No...please...I never told, I promise..."
He traced his finger lightly over the tattoos she had. The 'escape' symbol she had on her left thigh. The flower on her ankle. The quote across her lower back- "A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages." he flicked her belly-button piercing. He loved that. So sexy. He figured that she had it done when she was at least fourteen, it was like that when she was at the house a second time. His eyes went back to the 'escape' symbol.
"Escape? Really?"
Sara couldn't stand him trailing his hands gently all over her, a mock of a lovers caress. "I hate you"
"Princess, they say talking to yourself isn't a good sign."
"It wasn't you before. Why now? Why now? You didn't have to do this."
"princess, I think I'm going to tell you the truth. It's just-well, I don't see you leaving here, do you? I'm going to keep you here forever."
Sara took in an unsteady breath.
"No, no, I'm not going to kill you. You'll just live down here...My own personal fuck-toy. I like that idea...hmm, I think you do too."
"no. stop-"
"Sara, no matter how many times you scream 'rape', no one will believe you. You were begging for it. And the only way you managed to get my father put away, was by telling that stupid fucking social worker, who was so fucking stupid, she'd believe that a goat laid eggs."
"No-I never told"
"Don't bullshit me. I know you told. Don't fucking lie, you little whore. My father is getting out soon. He'll come see you, I know he wouldn't miss this opportunity for anything..."
"Why are you doing this? You never did it before..."
"Ah-but that doesn't mean I didn't want to, princess. I've wanted to fuck you ever since you stepped through that front door as a naïve little 12 year old, with so much...I dunno...purity. You've lost the purity now, Sara, but there's still something...it's a spark I suppose..."
"You fucking sicko. You hunted down me, after your father raped me repeatedly as a child, and now, you want to do the same? Go screw yourself." Sara's confidence was spurted by his recent confessional. Usually when they told you what they thought, they either killed you, themselves, or made a big fucking mistake, allowing you to escape.
"you should consider yourself special Sara. You know I went after so many other women, did to them what I so longed to do to you. But nothing filled the void that you put there..."
"what others? What others?"
"why, you may have processed the scenes precious. I know, I saw you. I evenm have some photos if you'd like a lo-"
"Who? Tell me. Who?"
"Ah, but to name a few. Amy" Broken in door. No blood. Sara remembered. "Geneiva Kanes." Same method. No fibres. "Louise Reynolds." Some fibres. Lots of blood. She put up a big fight. "Alyssa Henders." suspected run-away. 17 years old, empty bank account. "Daniella Marconi." police found her burnt body in the woods, half decomposed. "Susanna Dawes." still missing. "Siobhan Meadows." also missing.
"where are Alyssa, Susanna and Siobhan?" Sara had noted the names of the women whose bodies they hadn't found. She always remembered unsolved cases, even if they were day shifts.
"Why, I thought you'd have know. Don't CSI's have good intuition?"
"Where?" Sara was scared to hear the answer.
"why, princess, they're here! That's why you haven't been getting all my attention!"
Sara couldn't breathe. Blood pounded under her eyeballs. It was her fault. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. Her fault. Her fault.
"of course, if you're jealous, I could...dispose of them for you."
"no..."
"That's my princess. So compassionate. Will you show me how compassionate you can be?"
"no."
"yes, you will."
Sara didn't cry. She couldn't anymore. She couldn't say no. She couldn't say stop. She couldn'tshe couldn'tshe couldn'tshe couldn't.
Body over body. Skin to skin. It shouldn't be this way. A coldness that wouldn't leave her bones. No ache in her heart, no tear in her soul.
Sara Sidle had nothing.
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"stop." Grissoms weary voice interrupted the team, as they yet again checked the facial recognition database.
"stop?" Greg was puzzled. Catherine shot Grissom a look of surprised, and he was surprised to see how large the shadows under her eyes were, the pain that they seemed to hold.
"Stop. Ecklie's getting in missing persons."
immeadiately : an uproar. "No, Saras one of us." "It's only been 2 and a half days!" "Griss, if we can't find more evidence, they can't find Sara"
"Missing persons is taking the case from now on." Grissoms voice was dead.
They all knew what that meant. Missing persons was frantically over-run, more than 1000 in a year ion Nevada. Children were priority. Sara had been missing more than 48 hours. If she was lucky, her picture would be given to a new employee, who determined to make their mark and further their career, would pull out every effort to find her. Without success. Or worst case scenario, if she was unlucky, her picture and details would be tacked to the pin board, put on the website and left there till maybe three months later, a new missing person would take her place.
"please gil. They won't find her." Cath's voice was quiet, subdued.
"What the fuck can I do?" Grissom's voice was quiet too, but with more than a hint of despair, which was currently missing from Catherines. "What can I fucking do?"
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"Please, I never-"
"Bitch"
He brought the leather cracking down on her back. "You did. Who else would have? You were the last one."
Her hitch of breath showed her surprise.
"yeah, my pops wasn't a dirty old pervert, princess. It was just you he liked. Before you, sure, he had a couple, but he didn't put in half the effort with them as he did with you. You were, well you were special to him."
"please-"
"Shut up." it was his hand across her face this time. "When you left, he hit me and mother around more. Said it was our faults you'd gone."
The leather snapped on her back.
"You know, he said he didn't like them old to me and mother. Imagine your father telling you his sexual preferences! But I could relate, It was the same with me. Even when I was 28, I could relate to him. I saw you as a twelve year old, princess, and let me tell you, I do miss it..." he ran his hands down the back of her legs and her spine, trailing the blood. "but, even though I liked you young, now you're still- how old are you now princess? What, 27, 28?"
"please-"
"You're 28, I read your date of birth on foster papers. You still have that spark."
"please."
"It doesn't go out. Sure, it flickers now and again, but it'll only go out when you die Princess. Till then, you'll stay with me."
"fuck you"
"you did. Would you like to again?"
"fuck you, asshole." Sara's voice was dry and her lips were cracked after hours of screaming.
"you will. I think, though, after a brief spell in the cupboard. Perhaps longer than a brief spell. We'll see how long it takes you to learn some manners."
"please, no-"
He laughed, then dragged her along the ground and pushed her into the cupboard.
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Grissom took Sara's case file home with him, along with her diaries. He had to find her. He missed her laugh, her smile, her easy way of joking, and messing around with Nicky, giving Greg hugs, and giving him chaste kisses on the forehead, which made Greg blush, and gave Grissom a swirling feeling in his stomach. He missed her long legs striding through the lab, missed her blush whenever Doc Robbins sniggered "here comes calamity sara." after she bumped into things. He missed her wincing when she saw his formaldehyde pig, missed her munching down her veggie burgers in a casual way in the break room. He missed seeing her fallen asleep on the break room couch after pulling 2,3,4 double shifts : missed being able to pull the blanket over her, and lightly stroking her silky-soft sleeping face. Missed seeing her bite her lip when she was worried, missed her tugging her left earlobe when she was angry with a suspect. Missed the way the sun caught her hair, and illuminated it, so it looked like a halo behind her head.
Grissom just plain missed Sara Sidle.
Why? He asked himself
The answer was easy. Because he was in love with her, of course.
AWWW! next update may just be tomorro, if i can scrape more than 28 reviews. HINT HINT! no I'm kidding! I'm not a review whore yet, just a review lover! luv you readers, keep reading even if you don't review me!