Raped? But how. By who. When. Why. She was broken. It took me a minute to fully understand what she said. I thought my ears must be playing a game on me. I couldn't fully understand, how could something like this happen? I knew I shouldn't have left her alone all those times but she insisted that's how she wanted to be. Maybe it was when she went on her morning run, she's always out there by herself. Or maybe she went to a house party and somebody attacked her. Or maybe a club and someone slipped something into her drink. Or maybe she was walking home and someone pulled her into an alley.

The possibilities were running endlessly. I couldn't stop thinking of every possible way this could've happened and they were all horrifying. And I wasn't there for her. We were just sitting down outside by the lake, having a good time. And she just said this out of nowhere. She never once put her head down when she told me. She held her head high and looked me straight in the eyes. I knew she didn't want to seem weak or hurt but it was okay especially in her circumstance. It may have took me a second to process what she said but that didn't stop me from thinking of every possible way to beat this guy up with an inch of his life. I didn't care who he was; he had to pay for what he did to her. She was my girl.

"It was my dad."

That's when every possible scenario and possible beating flew out the window. I thought it was going to be some stranger from the crowd, a random guy on a street or the popular guy who thought he could get whoever he wanted. I wasn't prepared for to say it was someone who was close to her. But I could still fight an older guy, didn't change the fact that he deserved it. I could even kill him for what he did to her. I never told her that I wanted to since she always liked to keep the peace. But she told me everything. How her mom died of a heroin overdose when she was just a kid. How her dad starting physically and verbally abusing her the night her mom died. How he then started sexually abusing her and eventually raped her on her 15th birthday.

Her dad, the one guy you automatically trust when you come into this world. The one who's supposed to be there for you, support you, love you and show you right from wrong. He's supposed to show what guys not to mess with and how they have cooties and all that other shit. But he completely violated it all. The scar across her neck that came from that girl fight was actually from her dad when he put her in a chokehold while harshly digging his nails into her skin so she could feel him take his hands off. He ruined her childhood, she had no hope. She doesn't believe in it. She doesn't believe in love. She didn't believe in anyone. Just listening to all she went through was killing me.

"I tried to kill myself."

She told me how she started drinking and doing heroin to numb the pain around the time she was 15. But it was a month before her 18th birthday when she decided to end her life. The drinking wasn't enough to stop the pain so she became like her mom and did heroin. Her doctors told her that all of it mixed together drove her into a deep depression and the abuse she was receiving made it worse. She was suicidal. Her brother was the one that found her which is why he was so protective. She went to rehab a month later for a year and half. Her dad got 25 to life and her brother moved in with his best friend's family. She kept saying how she was a failure over and over again because she felt she ruined the family and wasn't strong enough to do something. All those days she cried symbolized the day her mom died, the day her dad raped her and the day her brother found her unconscious.

Then everything started to make sense. Why she freaked out when I touched her at the club. Why she never let me put my arm around her shoulder. Why she never let anyone touch her face. Why she never told anyone she loved them. Why she never talked about her family. Why she never liked alcohol or hardcore drugs. Why she never told me her birthday. Why her brother was super protective over her. All they had were each other. It was all just flooding in my head. That's why she's always so distant. She couldn't have another person betray her or take advantage of her. And she never shed one tear while telling me. I told her I was sorry for all the pain she suffered and that I'm here for her regardless.

"Don't apologize. Just don't hurt me."

The next day, I went to pick her up so I could take her out to lunch to her favorite restaurant. She deserved it. All the bullshit she went through and she was still standing. I just wanted her to know I'm still here for her. I didn't want her to think of the bad things in her life but I knew it was hard since it was a majority of her life and it's made her who she is today. After all these thoughts running through my head, the waiter came over.

"How can I help you guys today?"

"We're both going to have strawberry lemonade to drink. And to order, I want the chicken and shrimp alfredo and for her, the chicken tenders." She was such a child at heart sometimes. She told me it reminded her of when her mom used to take her and her brother out out to lunch on weekends.

"Okay, will that be all?"

"Yes," I respond as he takes the menu. he asks.

"Okay, I'll be back shortly with your drinks."

Once the waiter left after taking our order, she reached out for my hand. She always told me it helped reassured her that I was on her side. We sat there and talked until the waiter came back to drop the food off and I was starving. She let go of my hand as soon as he came back and I immediately started devouring my food. I look up to see her playing with her food. I figured she might be a little on edge after what she told me. I wouldn't be surprised if she was on edge for the rest of her life after all she's been through. Never loving or trusting anyone. But I wanted to be that exception. She looked up at me. I gave her a look hoping to understand what was going on but she just looked back down and played with her food again. I put my fork down and wiped my mouth. I put my hand back out for hers. She lifted her head a little and looked at my hand for awhile but eventually put her hand out to join mine.

"I know you're still on edge about everything you told me yesterday but you gotta eat. But if you don't, there's something I want to say." Her eyes opened a little as I said this. "I've been wanting to ask you this for a long time. I never thought time was right but now I know you trust me completely so... will you be my girlfriend?"