Chapter 11: Hey Babay, Can You Bleed Like Me?

Disclaimers- chapter one

Warning- K, this chapter has more than a hint of self-mutilation in it. Sorry if u don't like it, but I think it's important to get the issue out, and also important to the story. So please, please don't read if u ca\n't deal with this issue. Also lots of other angsty stuff. the full warning is on chapter one...

A/N: Phew, sorry for all this pre-chapter text...This chapter is really, really sad (well for me) I was cryiong when I wrote it...just wanted to say that even though Sara has been rescued, it doesn't all go smoothly n angst free...I'm sick of reading stories where rape victims recover in like five seconds...thats not what happens for the majority of rape survivors. Just wanted to say...so yeah, no happy ending just yet! Also want to say thank you to all of my reviewers n readers. thank you guys for the response to the last chapter, i hope y'all like this one just as much...Sugar couture, xoxoxoxo

...a needle. She screamed, and started crying. Everything was getting slurry. Blurry. Slurry. She felt him undo the blindfold, and someone say "what the hell happened?" then she heard nothing.

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Where was she? She cracked open an eyelid. The light was bright. She quickly shut it. Ohgod. He had her, didn't he? It was all over. Someone shut a door. She heard murmuring outside wherever she was. Cool hands slipped something around her arm. "We need a kids cuff. She's emaciated."


Sara was so scared. Kids? Cuff? What was He doing? Was Annie there? Who was the woman? She felt someone wrap something around her arm again, and then beeping. "that's too low. Hypotension."

Sara groaned. "Miss Sidle? Can you hear me?" She was scared. She whimpered, and began to toss and thrash. "Ms Sidle? Sara? Sara?"

No. please no. She began to mumble out these words through incredibly chapped lips. She felt someone hold her down. A sharp jab in her waist. Nothing

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Another nurse ran into Sara's room, following the one who had gone in minutes ago. They heard sara's whimpers, and repeated mumbling of "no.please.no." they heard one of the nurses calling her name frantically, and Sara groan out "Annie?" Then the nurse stepped out. "Are you here with Ms. Sidle?"

"Yes." Greg jumped to his feet. "can we see her?"

"No, I'm afraid not. Sara is under sedation for now, until she can wake up properly. We want to cause as little stress to her as possible. Is there a Sandra Van Der Woodsen here? I have her as first choice of next of kin."

"No. Who else is under next of kin?" Catherines voice was low, quiet.

"A... Gilbert Grissom."

"I'm Gil Grissom." He wanted to speak to the doctor about what medication Sara was under, when they'd be able to talk to her.

"Mr Grissom, if you'd step this way please. Dr Glyyn would like to speak to you about Sara's condition."

"he fell into step with the nurse, as they walked down the polished hall. Greg, Nick and Catherine fell into their seats, and prayed for news on Sara.

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"Mr Grissom? I'm Ernie Glyyn, Ms. Sidle's doctor."

"What can I do to help?" Gil was dying to help Sara out of there as soon as possible.

"Funny, I thought that was my line." the younger man chuckled, and gil felt himself warming to the doctor immeadiately.

"As you know, Sara has obviously suffered through a terrible ordeal. Right now, she has a severly low blood pressure, multiple fractures and bruising, and several deep cuts. She is also suffering dehydration, malnutrition, and mild hypothermia. We're also very, uh, concerened about any internal bleeding she may have-"

"Internal bleeding?"

"Mr Grissom, I know that Sara was forcibly abducted. I'm not going to shit around here, dealing with the obvious, is it a fair assumption that we need to do a rape kit?"

"oh god-uh-yes-I suppose so."

"Well, therefore, I may be correct in assuming that she may hav internal bleeding from her- situation." He tried to express this delicately.

"What do you do? What do we do?"

"I'm going to order for a MRI, and she may need to go ino surgery. I also need to wait until she's awake however, until we can do the rape kit."

"how long is she going to be under sedation for?"

"only the next twenty four hours. Hopefully we'll have her MRI done while she's unconcious, as it'll be easier, and we'll have the dehydration under control too."

"After that?"

"After that, Mr Grissom, We'll see how it goes. I know Dr Maddison wants to speak to her but-"

"Dr Maddison?"

"She's a phsychiatrist. Very good one. Sara will most likely need help, mentally I mean. After what she has gone though I-"

Grissom snorted. "You'll have to deal with Sara when It comes to the shrink, Dr Glyyn. I'm too scared of Sara's tempers to do it myself."

The doctor smiled. "Please. Call me Ernie. Dr Glyyn is my dad."

Gil smiled, then asked "will we be able to in and sit with her? Until she wakes?"

"Sure. They've done studies, you know. About how people surrounded by loved ones get better faster."

"Thank you."

"but when she wakes up, only two in at a time!"

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"What did he say?" Greg was out of his seat the moment he saw Grissom.

"Hypotension, malnourished, dehydrated, hypothermic. They're going to do an MRI, then we can sit with her till she wakes." he sank into the chair, exhausted.

"why an MRI?" Catherine was confused.

"Internal bleeding."

Catherines face changed from confusion to sadness in the blink of an eye. "oh."

"when will she wake up?" Nick had been silent till now.

"twenty four hours. When she wakes up though, only two in at one time."

They saw Sara beeing unconciously wheeled towards MRI from her room. The wheels under her bed were squeaking, but she had a smile on her sleeping face...

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"Hey babe."

Grissom came up behind her and squeezed her shoulders lightly.

"Hey Griss. Why are you here?"

"to keep you safe, butterfly. You're safe now."

"Griss? I love you."

"I love you too."

They sat down on the sand together. "You know, this is my favourite place ever." she told him

"Where are we?"

"Carmel by the sea. My mom and Dad used to bring me and Edd here when we were little."

"mmmmmhmm?" he gently prodded her into saying more.

"When I was sixteen, I ran away for a couple of months. I came here. It's my refuge. The main beach isn't, but i love this little beach. Only the locals know it, none of the tourists do. So it's always wonderfully secluded. I got a room at Bertha's B&B, and waited tables for a bit. It was the summer that I got accepted to Harvard. It was the only place I could escape Him."

"Shhhhh baby, don't think about that now."

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"She looks so...I dunno...young..." Gregs voice shook up Griss, Cath and Nicky. "I think it's cos she's not scrunching up her face. At the lab, she's always doing that..."

Grissoms worries jerked him from his silent observation of "non-scrunched-up" Sara. "Who's processing with the lab?"

"Relax Griss, Warrick said he'd help the day shift with the DB's at that...house, and they'de pull a double. Sinnita's helping him."

"I don't think that we all need to be here. Greg, go. Catherine, go."

Seeing their mouths open in protestation, Nick said "we'll call you when she wakes up."

"You go too Nick."

"Wha-"

"You've all been working for hours. I had yesterday off, and spent it sleeping. Go home. Rest. I'll call when she wakes up."

They trooped out, and Grissom called after them "Tell Warrick and Sinnita to rest too!"

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Sara cracked her eyes open, and looked around. Where was she? She felt a heavy weight on her hand, and across her stomach. She looked down at the man draped across her.

"Gil? Gil! Oh no." she started hyperventilating.

Grissom heard wheezing noises above him. He shot up, and found Sara breathing erratically, tears running down her face. "Sara?"

"He got you too! He said he would! It's my fault, I'm so sorry."

"No Sara, sweetie, you're at the hospital. Look."

She cracked open an eyelid and peered around. Grissom would have laughed, if it hadn't been so tragic.

"I'm alive? He's not here? You're alive?"

"Yes."

"I'm safe?"

"Yes."

She was silent. Then she turned over on her side, away from gil.

"Sara?"

"They're dead. Alyssa, Siobhan and Susanna. They're dead. I heard him. He killed them. He killed Amy-ann, Geneiva, Louise and Daniella too. Because of me. He said they were tempoaries till he got me. I killed them." Her voice was flat, broken. Gil felt a shudder down his spine. "No Sar, no..."

"I just wanted to get out. But he killed them. So he could spend more time with me. It's my fault." her voice shook. Gil didn't know what to do. He reached his hand out towards her, but she flinched backwards, staring at him, with huge eyes above disturbingly protruding cheekbones.

"Sar..."

"I'm sorry. I tried to stop him. But he just shot them. He stabbed Alyssa. I heard her breathing. I tried to talk to her. Make her hold on. But she didn't. She was only a baby, Gil. Only 17. Why?"

Grissom wished he could answer her. He had seen so many atrocities that his mind separated them from his emotions, but he would never understand how people could be so cruel.

Sara turned away from him, and put her head down on the pillow. Her sobs mutated into heavy breathing, and grissom realised she was asleep. Then he took her hand, and stroking the back of it, cried.

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"urgh." Catherine stepped over the rotted bodies. Even though Grissom told them to go rest, they couldn't help but feel a sense of duty to help the women who had been brutally murdered in this house. They were all guiltily thinking the same thing: At least it wasn't Sara.

"How long do you reckon?" Nick asked her, snapping photos.

"At least three weeks, the ones on the left. The one on the right, I'd put at one week to ten days."

"Who's processing-that?" Greg pointed at the tiny cupboard.

They all looked at each other. "I'll do it" Catherine just wanted to get the hell out of there.

"Fine. Greg, do you want to go and help Warrick upstairs? Sinnita and I can finish this off." Nick nodded to Greg, and the pretty asian girl to his side nodded.

"Cool." Greg bounded up the stairs as fast as he could. He hated being down in that basement. As melodromatic as it was, he swore he could feel evil pulsing in the air.

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"shit." exclaimed Catherine. "how the hell did Sara survive in this shithole?" She shone her flashlight around the tiny room. The walls had furry mould at the top of them, and the air was damp. It was cold too, and catherine felt sick when she looked at the chains bolted to the wall. She photographed them, photographed everything.

She noticed damp spots on the floor, and stained patches. Swabbing them, she found semen, and human blood. "why am I not surprised?"

She couldn't even stand up straight. Glancing into the corners to see if she could spot a light, or a light switch, she noticed wires.

Wires attached to the wall.

Attached to the wires, a camera.

"Fuck." she breathed. "Holy fucking shit. NICK!"

Nick stepped into the doorway. "whats up?"

"We got a camera"

"huh? I dont-"

"Nicky WE HAVE A CAMERA. Therefore, there must be viewing equipment in this house. Find it, bag it, put it in my car. I don't want any other hands finding it, do you understand what i'm saying?"

Nick understood, and left the basement to find the video equipment.

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Greg found the study, the only room in the house with a tv. There was a shitload of other equipment there too, so Nick just bagged'n'tagged the lot. He noticed a something shining down the side of the desk. He pulled it out gently. A Dvd. Labelled 'Princess. Week five." He shrugged, then put it into another bag. The lab would check it out.

"Greg?"

Nick stood in the doorway. "is that the video equipment?"

"uh, yeah, think so."

"Help me lift it out to Cath's car."

Greg obliged with the unusual request, lifting the evidence bags, some heavier than others.

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"What can I get you for lunch?" the matronly nurse asked her, bustling around and fussing with her blankets.

"Nothing. Your vegetarian options suck." Sara muttered under her breath snidely. A raised eyebrow and a smirk from grissom showed he had heard her, and Sara blushed.

"that's the first time in three days she's spoken like that," he thought to himself. "maybe Sara's coming back after all..."

"I'm sure Ms. Sidle will be quite content with the food that is brought in for her." he said out loud "several friends will be dropping by later."

the nurse fixed him with a baleful frown. "No more than two people at a time! And outside food isn't supposed to be brought in here." she eyed Sara's gaunt frame "but I'll let it pass, just this once." she continued on to take Sara's blood pressure, and temperature, then left the room.

"how are you feeling?" he softly asked her.

"I'm fine. Please Griss, I need out of here."

"Sara, you are not getting out of here till the end of next week."

"But I-"

A knock on the door interrupted Sara, and she called out for the knocker to come in, figuring it was one of her colleagues.

A petite redhead stepped in. "Hey."

Sara was puzzled. Who was this woman exactly? "uhm-hi?"

Grissom caught her confusion, and nodded for the woman to come further into the room.

"how are you doing?"

"uh...fine. I'm sorry to have to ask, but who are you?"

"It's me! Sandra!"

"oh my god! Sands?"

"how are you?"

"uh-good. Wow...you look so...different."

"good to see you still have the gift of gab! You're still stunning Sara! How are you doing it?!"

For the first time in the months since her disappearance, Grissom heard sara laugh. No her usual joy-filled laugh, but it was a laugh.

"Oh you know...the old mustard and vanilla face packs." Sandra smiled at the inside joke. "Your hair's still red."

"I know. I couldn't bring myself to dye it."

"Good. It always annoyed me when you said you would."

Grissom sat unobtrusively in a chair, smirking behind his book at the sight of Sara so alive again.

"So...what happened? Where did you go?"

Sandra frowned a little, then her face relaxed. "I was at so many different foster homes after...afterwards."

"I met Elizabeth after I left. She said you tried to...?" Sara left the question hanging in the air.

"Yeah. I was in psych for a while. But it benefitted me in the long run. Got me interested in psychology and counselling."

"cool." Sara smiled at her friend.

Sandra brought her gaze down to Sara's arms, which weren't covered by the hospital gown. "oh, Sar..."

"I know...I hate them...I didn't think, you know, at the time..."

Sandra ran her finger over a particularly bad scar on the inside of sara's pallid arms. "Princess, if I could have helped-you know I would, right?"

Sara stared at her with huge, dark, whirlpool eyes. "What did you say?"

"Princess, if-"

"NO! DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Sara backed away from her redheaded friend, eyes widened in fear. Grissom sprang out of his chair, hearing the fear in Sara's voce, and quickly moved to her side, not think about how the movement would scare the shit out of her...

"Get away from me!" she hissed at him

he reached towards her, and she sprang out of her bed, and ran to the bathroom as quickly as if she had the hounds of heel on her heels.

He looked at Sandra with wide eyes, not understanding a modicum of what had just happened. "What the hell..."

The question hung suspended in the air.

"I think...I think it's best if you talk to her...I have to go pick Joey up from daycare anyway."

"But, I don't-"

"She'll talk more to you than me, Gil. Phone me when you think she's up to seeing me...I can bring Joey to meet her...maybe when she gets home." Sandra didn't wait for a response, and Gil watched her figure retreat from the room. What did he do now?

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"Then she takes the scissors to her skin...

and when she does relief comes setting in.

While she hides the scars she's making

underneath her pretty clothes-she sings

'Hey baby, can you bleed like me?'

Now come on baby, can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars, you should see my scars.

While you try to comprehend that,

which you'll never comprehend."

"bleed like me" by Garbage (A/N:Fucking awesome song, specially if ure a cutter, and u feel really depressed.)

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He walked over to the bathroom door, and knocked. "Sara, honey?"

No response.

"Sara? Say something."

She didn't.

"I'm going to come in Sar."

He pushed open the door, and spotted her skinny frame inside the bathtub. Not taking a bath, but hunched over, with her jutting spine poking towards him. He could hear her irruglar breathing, sometimes mingling with a shallow sob.

"Honey? Are you okay?" Tentatively he touched her shoulder and felt her stiffen. "Its me. It's Grissom." Still, she didn't relax. What could he do?

He knew what. Christ, the only person he'd do this for was Sara. He climbed over the edge of the tub, and sat with his back digging into the handrail, in the same poistion as Sara. "please. Sara."

He looked at her face. Her skin wasn't just pale: it was startlingly white. He could see the dark shadows under her eyes, the cut on her left jawline, the bruises all around her neck. Her lower lip was trembling, her eyes were shut. Gil could feel her shaking next to him.

"You better not tell anyone I made an ass of myself, clambering into a tub." he tried to make her say something, maybe even crack a smile. "I'm far too old for sitting in uncomfortable positions."

"You're not that old"

"Not that old? Meaning I'm still 'old'? Thank you Sara honey."

She smiled faintly, and shifted slightly. Something caught Grissoms eye. Blood was trailing down her shin.

"Sara? Sara! What did you do to your leg?"

She looked at him, her eyes were filled with something he couldn't quite place.

"I didn't mean to. I di-I had- I just thought-" she stuttered through the words.

Grissom kneeled next to her, and slowly pushed the hospital-issued nightgown up, to just past her knee, looking at her face the entire time, making sure she wouldn't freak out.

Four huge gashes ran adjacent to her knee cap, on the inside of her leg.

"Honey, Sara, you need to get out of the tub. Please."

"It just- it hurts like you don't know-why did he ruin that for me too? Why?"

Grissom asked her slowly, while physically cajoling her to her feet. "What did he ruin?"

"My real father used to call me that- he said it meant 'princess' in hebrew. He ruined the one good memory of my dad. I hate him."

She was now standing on her feet, shivering, standing in the middle of the bathtub. "I hate him."

"I know you do. Honey, I need you to get out the tub." Grissom stood in front of her. She looked so fragile. He was getting worried: the blood was pooling at her feet. She would need stitches. "Sara, can you climb out for me?"

She stood there, staring at him like he had just revealed the meaning of life.

Grissom was starting to panic. If she stood there, just allowing the blood to flow out her leg, she'd collapse. He picked up a towel off the rack, and held it against the side of her knee. Damn, he wished he'd done that several minutes ago. Sara didn't say or do, anything. She just stood there.

"Sara? I'm going to lift you up. I'm going to put my arm under your legs then-"

He talked to her as he proceeded to lift her up, and carry her through to the adjoining room. He felt her sag against him, and looked down to see that she had passed out. He sat on the bed with her on his knee, and pressed the panic button for the nurse, all the while clutching the towel to her leg...