Chapter 11: Anguish

"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart."
―José N. Harris

A/N: Hi it's your lucky day! I thought I'd give you this entire chapter early; after all it took me ages to post the last one. Thanks for all the reviews so far, I think you're all wanting to know whose body it is. Because by the sounds of your reviews it seems like you all think it's Kim. So keep reading and find out!

The door to Olivia's apartment opened and the couple walked in. Amanda stumbled slightly as she made her way in, more because of her stiff legs due to the car journey and less because of her recent fall. Benson closed the door behind her and ran over to her girlfriend, who hadn't spoken the whole car ride back.

"Amanda please just talk to me. Just let me know you're okay." The brunette touched the side of the younger woman's arm. Amanda turned around and nestled herself up close to Olivia's neck, she liked the smell of the woman. It was soothing and right now that's exactly what she needed.

What she'd seen made her, well it made her speechless. Something she wasn't very often. But still there were no words coming from her mouth.

"Is it the blackouts? Is this why you're being quiet?" Liv looked down at her girlfriend with a worried expression. "Honey, if you're upset, if you're scared I'm here. We can get it sorted."

But still Amanda remained quiet.

Olivia moved away. She knew something serious was happening now. It was unlike her girlfriend to be paralyzed by what seemed like shock. The brunette's eyes began to fill with tears.

"I want to help." She moved closer and kissed the junior detective on her plump lips. "I love you Manda please." And then the tears began to stain the older woman's face.

Amanda looked up, realizing that she couldn't keep this secret hidden for much longer. She cupped Olivia's face in her hands and kissed the woman back passionately, knowing that this would be their only moment of lust for a while once the news was broken.

"Liv." Amanda started.

"What? What is this about?"

Amanda looked to the floor. "The body."

Fin strolled into the precinct, the place was dead without the squad there and he hated being the only one around. Unfortunately he'd forgotten to pick up his wallet from his desk the previous day and needed it for a night out with Melinda. With his head down looking at his phone he walked straight to his desk.

"Alright?" A voice came from nearby and Fin looked up to see Amaro sat at a table.

"What are you doing here? It's called a day off for a reason." Fin laughed at the younger man.

Amaro chuckled at the comment and lifted up a small folder. "Thought I'd get a head start on my paperwork. Plus I've got nothing else to do."

Fin nodded and picked up his wallet, "Have fun! I'm going for drinks you can come if you want?" But Amaro shook his head.

"Sorry Fin gotta get this done."

"Suit yourself." The older detective answered as he began to walk out of the precinct looking back at his phone and at a text Melinda had sent him regarding their date.

"Whoa, watch where you're going detective!" A female voice said as Fin narrowly missed the blonde. Amaro looked up again to see the new visitor to the precinct.

"What are you doing here? It's everyone's day off!" Nick asked.

"I could say the same to you. I was wondering if your captain was around?" The blonde looked in the office and rolled her eyes.

"No he isn't. What are you doing back here? Thought you weren't our ADA anymore?" Amaro asked.

"What's up Alex? Got some juicy gossip for us?" Fin joked.

"You haven't heard?"

"Heard what?" Amaro asked from the corner of the room.

"The body." Alex replied shifting awkwardly as the two men stared at her. "Oh you really don't know do you? Unfortunately it's…"

The brunette continued to pace her apartment. "You can't be…You can't be serious? I only saw her the other week. Why would...why would someone do this to her?" Olivia's head was spinning.

Amanda stopped the brunette in her tracks and looked the woman in the eyes. The news had come as a shock, as it would for the rest of the team.

"We don't know if it's her. I might be wrong; I just said I thought it was her because of the nail…"

"Amanda it's her! It all makes sense now; she didn't answer my phone call last night because she was lying dead in an alleyway." The woman's brown orbs looked at Amanda and tears began to flow again. She broke down and Rollins clung to the woman. Her arms tightening around her, she wasn't letting her go.

Hearing her girlfriend cry so loudly, hearing the pain in her sobs broke her heart. She stroked the older woman's hair as she cried and kissed the side of her neck.

Then the sobs stopped. Olivia looked up at her lover. A whole new look was sprawled across her face.

"Liv." Amanda began but her future sentence was destroyed as Olivia surged forwards and kissed the other woman passionately. Their lips fought at each other for control, it was a heated moment. One neither of them could have planned.

Olivia ripped open the blonde's shirt and threw it to the floor. Moving her hands to the back of Amanda and finding the clip to her bra, she tugged and it released.

Amanda wrapped her arms around her lover's neck as the woman threw her bra in the opposite direction. The junior detective undid the buttons on her girlfriends blouse and pulled it from her back, letting it fall slowly to the floor. They kicked their shoes off and made their way leisurely to the bedroom.

By the time they got there they were both down to their underwear and Olivia had thrown Amanda onto the bed. A small moan came from Amanda's throat as she realized how sexy it was to see Olivia be so dominant. But Amanda wouldn't let this position last for long and grabbed hold of Benson's sides and flipped the woman over. But Amanda hadn't realized her own strength as once she had landed on top of her girlfriend her elbow had come out and smashed into a picture frame that had lain on the bedside table.

The picture fell to the floor and glass smashed everywhere. The pair stopped and looked over the bed at the photo that had surprisingly landed up right. And there in the photo was their squad, one Halloween when the group had decided to go out to celebrate at their favorite bar. All of them smiled back from within the Polaroid. But one face stood out to them both.

Amanda looked down at Olivia and stroked the woman's face.

Benson looked up. "I miss her." She managed to say.

"I know Liv, I know." Amanda bent down and kissed the brunette on the forehead before looking back at the photograph and realizing that that whole burst of passion and lust had been because the brunette's emotions had been too much for her. Olivia had had an overwhelming sense of grief and sex had been the only way she thought she could lose herself.

The red head in the photo beamed out at the two of them. In that moment she had been happy and in that moment she had been alive. Something she was not now, something that the two detectives would avenge. Casey Novak would get her justice.

A/N: So the body was ADA Casey Novak's! Surprised? I thought you might be. I chose her because she's been a big part of Amanda and Olivia's relationship so far and now they don't have a mediator. What do you think will happen next? Will Amanda get her medical issues sorted or will she be more interested in comforting her girlfriend? Let me know in a review. Thanks!