I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.

The Stars of the Unconquerable Will

(From "My Lost Youth")

I remember the sea-fight far away,

How it thundered o'er the tide!

And the dead captains, as they lay

In their graves, o'erlooking the tranquil bay,

Where they in battle died.

And the sound of that mournful song

Goes through me with a thrill:

"A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

… … … … … … … … … … …

There are things of which I may not speak;

There are dreams that cannot die;

There are thoughts that make the strong heart weak,

And bring a pallor into the cheek,

And a mist before the eye.

And the words of that fatal song

Come over me like a chill:

"A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

Longfellow

She reached the small clearing where she sensed Kohaku's jewel shard. He was kneeling beside Rin and trying to comfort her as she lay at the feet of Sesshomaru. The Taiyoukai was pinned to a tree, much as Inuyasha had been when she'd first seen him, with her arrow of sealing. Jaken was running in circles, screaming nearby about treachery and the death of his master.

She sighed and shook her head. "He isn't dead." She said softly, but it was enough to silence the toad and capture the attention of Rin and Kohaku.

"But… He isn't breathing or moving!" Rin cried out. She's grown a little in the last few years. She was almost ten now and came up half way on Sesshomaru's waist. Kohaku hugged the girl and tried to calm her. He'd become very attached to her. That was easily seen.

"Its an arrow of sealing. I was practicing for our battle with Naraku and… Kouga surprised me so I missed my mark." She frowned faintly as she walked toward where Sesshomaru was pinned. Well, at least I know when I aim at Naraku, he won't be able to dodge it. The last time I shot an arrow at Sesshomaru, he caught it and wasn't even effected. "I'm sorry…" She whispered and reached out for the arrow.

As her hand moved nearer to Sesshomaru, his eyes opened half way and met hers knowingly. "You shot your arrow at this Sesshomaru."

She paused and realized that, if she did free him, she'd most likely die a moment later. She pulled back her hand. "Accidentally. The arrow wasn't meant for you. I was practicing. I gain nothing by sealing my ally."

"We are not allies, miko. We are enemies joined together for only the purpose of defeating a mutual enemy. Do not think I will forget this when Naraku is defeated." He said with venom.

She could not help the shiver that ran down her spine. "I don't expect you to. Just don't kill me until afterward."

"Easily." He snarled as she reached out again to grasp and disperse the arrow.

She was vaguely aware of her friends as they approached from behind to find the scene that was taking place between the Taiyoukai and the miko. She sighed faintly and smirked as her slender fingers wrapped around the shaft of the arrow. She focused her powers and disbursed the energies that were sealing Sesshomaru.

As the arrow vanished in a cloud of sparkling pink energies, Kagome felt a sudden surge between herself and Sesshomaru. Her eyes widened as her mind was flooded with hundreds of memories not her own, though it seemed as if she were being directed. Directed by the emotions and thoughts of Sesshomaru. She cried out sharply and went rigid. Light poured from her eyes and mouth as her scream became strangled and she collapsed to the ground. She heard her name being called out. She felt the familiar touch of Inuyasha as he scooped her up into his arms. She could smell his very familiar scent of treetops, dew and clean sweat and fought to open her eyes so that she could gaze up into his golden pools of warmth and concern and tell him that she was alright. Not to be afraid. But she could not. Her mind was being pulled away into another person's memories that had been so brutally thrust into her psyche. Her consciousness shut down and she was pulled into the blackness of her subconscious as it fought to make sense of the alien memories, to sort which were hers and which were imposed so that she could retain some level of sanity while the lifetime of Sesshomaru overtook her thoughts and revealed, painfully, the answers to questions she hadn't even thought to ask the stoic ice lord. Some she was afraid to ever let pass through her lips.

The leaves of memory seemed to make

A mournful rustling in the dark.

Longfellow

She opened her eyes. The smell of youkai blood was thick and forced her to cover her mouth and nose or face gagging and vomiting. The scene around her made her wish she had never opened her eyes. The battlefield was huge and stretched all around her. In the distance, she could see where the bodies stretched into the ocean and floated out to sea where the sun was rising over the ocean. Only a few yards in front of her she saw the figure of Inu no Taisho standing with his generals facing another tall, formidable man with his generals. She did not recognize the other man who so unflinchingly stared the great Lord of the Western Lands in the eyes, but Inu no Taisho she knew. She remembered him from the vision superimposed over his sons as they sealed the fissure leading into hell. He was even more impressive in person, or, in this case, held in the memories that had been thrust into Kagome's mind.

"State your terms, Ryukotsusei." The Inu Taiyoukai said firmly without looking away from the dragon Taiyoukai.

Kagome shuddered and swallowed hard. Is this when he nearly kills Inuyasha's father? Is that what I'm watching?

"I require the life of one of your children to ensure that you will keep your word. That you will never again set foot in my lands in the name of conquest." The dragon Taiyoukai spat out coolly. He pulled a shining orb from his pocket and smiled in the form of a snarl. "Or I will use this again, only this time I will use it to massacre the humans of these lands. If you are going to defeat me, I will at least ensure that I hurt you, Inu no Taisho."

He snarled. "You stole that upon the sacrifice of Midoriko, my ally. You have used its power for nothing but terror ever since. And now, after slaughtering both my army and yours, you threaten this? To kill the humans on these islands simply for spite?"

"Yes." He replied simply and laughed, replacing the jewel in the folds of his robes. "Either I massacre the throng of humanity you and your race are so devoted to, or you give me one of your young and leave my land without the prize you so desired. The jewel is mine. I will die and take what you love before I allow it out of my grasp."

"Father." The voice was soft and incredibly young. Kagome gasped as a small boy, physically no more than twelve years old, stepped from slightly behind the great Inu no Taisho. He had long silver hair, braided back carefully though some had escaped its bindings. His eyes were the same amber hue of the Taiyoukai he stood beside, but his markings were magenta and he had an indigo crescent moon adorning his brow.

Sesshomaru… But he's too young for this to have been the final battle between Ryukotsusei and Inu no Taisho!

"Father." The boy said again and finally the Taiyoukai looked down to meet his son's gaze. "Send me to him. I will be alright and the humans will be safe. And Miyoko will be safe." The last he said with determination, as if it held the greatest importance. "Please, Father. Let me show you how strong I am."

Inu no Taisho frowned deeply and crouched down so that he was meeting his son's gaze. "You realize what you are allowing to happen. He will be responsible for your well being. I can do nothing to help you or protect you. You will only be returned to us if you are dead or if another truce is reached."

Sesshomaru nodded and gave a malevolent smile that made Kagome shiver. "I'm not afraid."

"Sometimes, my son, a lack of fear is more of a weakness than a strength." He sighed deeply and shook his head. "There is very little choice."

"There is no choice, Father." Sesshomaru said softly. "You are allied to Midoriko. You gave her your word that you would defend the lives of her kind in exchange for her prowess and support in battle. Ryukotsusei will honor his word and… He might try to take Miyoko for spite. This is your only choice. Miyoko…" His eyes were piercing and sure. "Is more important."

Inu no Taisho stood and smiled grimly. He looked to Ryukotsusei with hatred. "At times I forget my son's resolve and perception. You have my word and you have my son and heir. But know if he is harmed, I will not hesitate, no matter what you hold over me. The life of my son or the lives of those I am allied to."

She watched as Sesshomaru was placed in the hands of the evil dragon Taiyoukai. As her vision faded from the battlefield, she felt a jolt run through her. Miyoko… What happened to his sister?

A feeling of sadness and longing

That is not akin to pain,

And resembles sorrow only

As the mist resembles the rain.

Longfellow

She found herself in a courtyard in a palace deep in the mountains. Her eyes fell on a form, prone and stretched out in the dust with its limbs bound and held to the earth with glowing chains. She approached and found a slightly older Sesshomaru with closed eyes laying in nothing but a loincloth. Nearby, also chained with a glowing shackle to the earth was Sesshomaru's mokomokosama. It writhed slightly every now and again. She'd always wondered about the strange furry item of clothing, but now, with Sesshomaru's memories, she knew exactly what it was.

It was an extension of the Inuyoukai. It was the personification of his feral beast and contained the heart of his powers. The chains were used to dampen his slowly growing abilities so that he could not escape. Kagome felt tears well in her throat. The great Sesshomaru's long hair was cut to the nape of his neck and was laid across his chest. His body was a canvas of open wounds still seeping with blood from a recent beating.

Sesshomaru… You did this for her. For your sister… How long did you endure this? As soon as she asked the question, a soft voice answered from behind her. She turned and saw a beautiful little girl, physically no more than ten years old, with amber eyes and long silver hair, braided into two braids that hung down her back.

"He has been here a hundred years." She said. Her eyes were so very sad. "Long enough for me to grow to resemble a five-year-old mortal girl. They'll let him free soon to go home and then he'll see me again. I was only a few days old when he gave himself up for my sake."

"How are you speaking to me?" Kagome asked softly as a soft frown touched her brow.

Miyoko smiled faintly and met the miko's gaze. For a moment, she saw the small form of Rin superimposed over the girl and then the vision faded. She knew instantly that it was for this reason that Sesshomaru had become enchanted with the mortal girl who was never far from his side. "I am the most alive memory in Sesshomaru's mind. Aside from the girl, Rin, I am the only person that he loves. Jaken is important to him, but we two are all who he loves. It is for that reason that we live so vibrantly in his mind. Me especially."

"What happened to you? Were… Were you killed?"

The girl shook her head and put out her hand. "We should go. His memories become worse in the next few moments. Ryukotsusei prepared a… Going away present."

"I don't understand." Kagome breathed as she held the little girl's hand.

The child looked back to the woman who held her hand so gently. "Do you want to understand?"

Her eyes were so much like Inuyasha's and Inu no Taisho's. Her markings were slender, delicate and beautifully formed along her cheeks and jaw. They were magenta as well, though she had no crescent moon on her brow. Her eyes spoke volumes of knowledge that Kagome was certain the true Miyoko had no possession of. It was as if this girl, the perfect little child, wanted Kagome to wish to understand which meant, somewhere deep down in his icy heart, Sesshomaru wanted someone to understand. Needed someone to understand.

"I want to understand, Miyoko. Please help me." She said softly. The girl nodded and turned back to the courtyard where the young Sesshomaru waited, meditating. Kagome could sense he knew his imprisonment was ending and he was preparing for whatever would come in the time between here and there when he would be allowed to return to his family.

Kagome looked up sharply as a gang of youkai soldiers approached. They were all at least twice the size of Sesshomaru and all of them… Smelled as if they were ready for something unspeakable. How can I know what they smell like… My senses aren't as keen as his are…

"Because these are his memories. And he remembers this. This is where his nightmares are formed." Miyoko said softly and tightened her grip on Kagome's hand.

Kagome watched in horror as Sesshomaru was pulled from the ground roughly along with his mokomokosama. The pins, which had been drilled into the earth, were pulled up with him with the youkai strength of his captors. He could have never pulled them free with his waning strength. He was imbued with the strength of a mortal fifteen year old, not of a several hundred-year-old inuyoukai. Still he cursed his weakness and hated himself for it. He hated the humans for their weakness. He hated his father for the alliance he'd made with the miko. He hated the miko for dying and creating such a powerful, dangerous artifact. He hated his father even more for allowing it to fall into Ryukotsusei's clutches and forced this decision for the sake of his sister. For Miyoko.

As Sesshomaru was drug through the courtyard to the dojo, Kagome became very aware of his hatred and felt her self almost choke on his rage as it passed through her. Her vision blurred and she found herself in the dojo as the soldiers chained him to a wall. He was forced to watch as they began to stab and slash at his mokomokosama. Sesshomaru writhed against the wall and cried out. Its pain was his pain. The soldiers almost killed his beast, but stopped short as the ragged breath of the boy before them became lighter. They let the furry extension of the boy's beast recover while they approached him.

Kagome covered her mouth, fighting the scream that was threatening to escape. She was crying. Her heart was aching with hatred and agony. She knew what was to come and it was unimaginable, but she could not look away. She wanted to understand. She needed to understand because she knew that he wanted her to. He needed her to. At least he needed someone to. But this was something beyond words even for the strongest person.

She fell to her knees as she watched in horror the brutal rape of the boy that was once Sesshomaru. Her heart broke into pieces as she felt his hatred for humanity deepen. He blamed them. He blamed his father entirely. He was beyond forgiveness.

She began to weep and balled her hands into fists as she leaned into the wood of the dojo. The memory went on for what seemed to be an eternity. At one point, Sesshomaru stopped screaming. It wasn't because unconsciousness claimed him. That would have been too kind. It was simply because he had lost his ability to scream or cry or beg. And so she began to scream for him and to beg for him. She let herself fall completely into his memory as if it were her own, no longer so she could understand, but because, in her heart, she could not allow him to endure the memory alone even if it was only a memory. All of it was only a memory.

When unconsciousness finally claimed him, she curled into a knot and wept. Miyoko held Kagome's head in her lap. She ran her fingers through the miko's hair and sang to her softly a song that the woman had never heard before. It was gentle and warm and pure as the voice that sung it.

"What happened to you, Miyoko?" She breathed and looked up at the little girl.

She smiled faintly and met the miko's eyes. "I don't know. A hundred years from when my brother was returned to our family, I was taken away by our mother. Even when Sesshomaru saw her again, I was not there. She would not tell him what befell me. This is the last memory of me that he has. This is as I was when he last saw me. He never was given the chance to say goodbye."

"He hates her for it, doesn't he?"

"You know as well as I do that he does." Miyoko replied softly.

"There is more to this, isn't there? Why he hates Inuyasha… Why he cannot stand his very existence and that he was given Tessaiga."

"Yes, there is. But it all comes back to this, Kagome. Everything comes back to this moment, when his hatred was strongest. He hates humanity because they brought him here. He hates you because you remind him of Midoriko who brought him here. He hates our father because his alliance with Midoriko brought him here, but, yes, there is more to this hatred than that."

"Tell me, Miyoko… I do not have the strength to see any more."

"That you understand this is enough." The girl said. Kagome found herself slowly fading away from the blackness that Sesshomaru had fallen into and appeared with Miyoko in a beautiful garden curled up beneath a cherry tree. Several hundred yards in front of them she could see the same cherry tree in the same garden. Miyoko was sitting beneath the falling petals reading as Sesshomaru practiced with his sword a short distance away. "This is his happiest memory. This is where he finds peace. It is shortly before I was taken away. Shortly after he finally found the strength to tell our father that, when he was Taiyoukai of the West, he would not honor the alliance that had been forged with Midoriko. It is shortly after this that our father told him that he would no longer be his heir."

"I don't understand… Why?"

"Sesshomaru was named for our father, but the warrior you know, who has tried to kill you and Inuyasha over and over again, is by far more worthy of the name. Inu no Taisho loved humanity. He respected their true strength, though Sesshomaru could never understand what that was until he had seen you fighting along side Inuyasha. It took him several years to understand, even after adopting Rin and saving Kohaku. Your strength is in your emotions and your conviction and desire to live. Though Sesshomaru understands, he does not admire it as our father did. He only respects it. Because Sesshomaru could not understand and refused to let go of his hatred for humanity, our father demoted him. When our mother abandoned our father and took me with her, Inu no Taisho was forced to take another mate. To ensure that his new heir would be tied to humanity, he chose a human mate. Because he loved humanity, he could love Inuyasha's mother. It drove Sesshomaru to hate our father even more. A hanyou was to be his father's heir, not him, and a human woman could replace the bond that our father and mother shared. This is why he hates Inuyasha so greatly."

"But if Inuyasha was to be the heir of Inu no Taisho, why is Sesshomaru now Taiyoukai of the West?"

"Sesshomaru was the only son old enough to take our father's place when he died. It was assumed by the court that once Inuyasha was old enough, he would take the place as ruler of the West… And then he was sealed to a tree for fifty years. That he could be sealed by a miko in such a way was a sign of weakness. Not only that, but no one could free the hanyou from his timeless prison. Shortly afterward, Sesshomaru was permanently given the title by vote of the other cardinal Taiyoukai."

"So Inu no Taisho was fighting Ryukotsusei for the Shiko no Tama."

"Yes. He regained it and brought it to the village of the demon slayers. They, in turn, brought it to Kikyo. Shortly after he completed his task, he was killed defending his mate and Inuyasha."

"Miyoko… There's one more thing that I don't understand."

"What is it?" She asked softly and met the miko's azure gaze with her amber one.

"If he hated Midoriko so much, why didn't he go after the Shikon no Tama in order to destroy it?"

"By the time he discovered where it was being held, Inuyasha was sealed to a tree and your previous incarnation was being burnt upon a funeral pyre. When the fire died away, he searched through the ashes only to find the chain that had held the jewel around Kikyo's neck. The jewel was gone, taken by Kami, with Kikyo into her next incarnation."

She trembled and looked back onto the memory that was still replaying in front of her. Sesshomaru sheathed his sword and walked over to his sister. He collapsed and lay back with his head in her lap, crumpling the book she was reading. She laughed and rumpled his bangs to which the inuyoukai laughed and kissed her hand.

"You are the only one in the world who will bring me light, Miyoko." Sesshomaru said with a smirk.

Miyoko beamed at her beloved brother and put her book to the side. Her look was tranquil and full of sisterly affection as she smoothed the sweat from his face and began to sing the same song that she had sung to Kagome while she had been curled in the dark. Sesshomaru closed his eyes and smiled faintly.

There are no nightmares when you hear her voice singing… There is no pain when you hear this song. Sesshomaru… I'm so sorry. I never understood.