I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.
The Ceasing of Exquisite Music
(A Psalm of Life)
What The Heart Of The Young Man Said To The Psalmist.
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!
Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,— act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
Longfellow
Inuyasha watched helplessly as Kagome thrashed and cried out where he had laid her. She was sweating and pale with her features drawn in agony. She'd been silent for a while, almost peaceful, and then she had begun to cry. Miroku was praying next to her while Sango held her down on her sleeping bag. Kouga was pacing and looking guiltily from her to Sesshomaru who merely sat across the camp with his back leaned against a tree. He almost seemed to take some perverse pleasure in her tears and now her cries. Inuyasha wanted to tear his heart out.
"NO! Please, stop it!" She cried out sharply and tensed. Her hands balled into fists and she kicked her legs.
"Inuyasha, hold her legs down. She's going to hurt herself!" Sango called and he did as he was told.
Kagome screamed and writhed against her friends who were restraining her. Her mind was lost in some agony none of them could grasp. "Someone's hurting her…" Inuyasha barked to Sango.
"Muzzle your wench, Inuyasha. She will attract unwanted attention." Sesshomaru said angrily. "Muzzle her or I will silence her completely."
"Touch her and I'll kill you." Inuyasha snarled.
"Please! Leave him alone!" She gasped. Her eyes flashed open and then pressed closed. She writhed and arched her body harshly against Inuyasha and Sango.
"Him? What has possession of her?" Sango murmured softly.
Kagome sobbed and went still. As soon as Inuyasha and Sango were certain she would not move again, they released her and she curled into a fetal knot, weeping into her hands.
"There has to be something we can do." Kouga breathed as he approached. "Something or someone has a hold on her and won't let go. Its torturing her."
"We know, Kouga…" Miroku said as he looked up from his prayer. "But, from what I can sense, the only thing that has Kagome is Kagome. Her powers are keeping her unconscious and it would seem for her own sake."
"What are you talking about?" Inuyasha asked before Kouga could speak. His voice was strained and worried. Kagome was his whole world, his only family. He couldn't lose her.
Miroku sighed and frowned deeply. "When she disbursed the arrow and freed Sesshomaru, it was as if her psyche became overwhelmed with something. It could be a vision of something. Anything from something having to do with Sesshomaru himself or of the general future. Her mind shut down her consciousness in order to protect her from insanity. She will remain where she is until the vision ceases. We can only wait and hope she will waken soon."
Sesshomaru frowned and let his eyes drift over to where Kohaku, Rin and Shippo were sitting next to Ah-Un. Jaken had been sent out to scout the area a short while before. The children had been trying to keep diverted with one of Shippo's games, however, when the miko had begun screaming, all three had found their eyes and minds caught up in her pain. He could sense Rin's distress and it enraged him. Damn my bastard brother's miko… He thought and snarled again.
But his snarl was cut off short.
"What happened… To you Miyoko…" The whisper was so faint, he almost had missed its presence.
Sesshomaru stood and paled to a deathly palor. Miyoko… She said her name… What is she seeing? He was beside the miko instantly and shook her. "What do you know of Miyoko?"
Kagome whimpered and hung limply in his grasp. He was ripped away before he could hear any more of her words by two sets of hands. "Stay away from her or I'll rip off your other arm." Inuyasha said through gritted teeth. He was barely remaining in control. First Kagome fell unconscious, then she began crying, then screaming and thrashing, and now his brother dared to touch her.
"Let me go!" His eyes began to bleed red. The girl knew of his sister. He needed to rip out the information.
"Who is she?" Kouga asked, snarling and ignoring the Taiyoukai's loss of control. "If you shift and kill her, she'll never wake up and tell you what you want to know. If you kill us, she'll never tell you anyway, so calm down, damnit!"
"Tell me… Miyoko… I don't have the strength…" Her words were hollow and broken and filled with sorrow. Sesshomaru shuddered and curtailed his beast.
He let himself slide down to his knees as he was released from Inuyasha and Kouga's hold. "She is… My sister."
"Sister?" Inuyasha frowned. "We have a sister?"
"Do not ever presume that she could be called yours, you mutt." Sesshomaru said with venom. He recovered and sat back on his haunches with his only hand resting in his lap. "She was taken by my mother, long ago. When she abandoned our father. I have not seen her in centuries. I do not know if she is alive or dead. I have not uttered her name since the day she was taken. And your miko knows something. She is speaking to her. I must know what she knows."
Miroku watched the Taiyoukai where he was kneeling and slowly stood. He crouched before him and met his eyes. "When she wakes, you may ask her. But she will be disoriented when she comes to. Do not upset her. She's been through a lot. She doesn't deserve to be put through any more."
Sesshomaru snarled. "You presume to tell this Sesshomaru what to do."
"I presume to protect my friend as well as I am able." Miroku replied with a dangerous tone that was almost foreign to his voice. "You wish to discover what happened to your sister. I wish to protect mine. Certainly you understand me."
Sesshomaru's lip twitched, then he nodded. "I will respect this."
"Thank you." Miroku said softly and bowed his head to the Taiyoukai before returning to Kagome's side. He smoothed her brow and met Sango's eyes. Only she noticed how near to terror the monk really was, but she couldn't help but feel herself falling more deeply in love with him for the strength he had shown.
Kagome began to cry again, but it was only the slow and steady fall of her tears without raking sobs. She uncurled and a faint smile touched her lips. A sad, broken smile. She opened her eyes, though she did not see and began to sing a soft, lilting melody. The words were simple, almost nonsensical about the dance of the river waves with the ocean waves where they meet, but it struck a chord in Sesshomaru's mind that was almost overwhelming. When the song ended, a soft sob escaped Kagome's lips and she covered her face to hide the agony of her features. The world came back into her senses and she knew it was the true world, not the world of Sesshomaru's memories, because everything seemed dull in comparison. She felt Sango's hands on her shoulders and she sat up and curled into her sister's embrace.
Sango ran her fingers through Kagome's long ebony hair and rocked her softly until her tears began to ebb. "What happened, Kagome?"
She shook her head. There weren't words and she couldn't tell her. "It isn't mine." She whispered brokenly before standing on shaking legs. "None of it is mine." Inuyasha was at her side and his hands went to her shoulders to support her so she did not fall. She tensed and tried to tell herself that he wouldn't hurt her. She tried so desperately not to scream, but she couldn't stop herself. She screamed and he wouldn't let go. She panicked and he held her tighter.
"Kagome… Kagome please! Its only me!" He couldn't understand why she was fighting him or why she was so terrified. His touch usually was calming and welcome.
She pushed away from him violently and backed against a tree. "I'm… Sorry… Inuyasha, please… Just don't touch me."
He frowned deeply and studied her in confusion. In fact, everyone was except for one set of eyes. Amber, deep, fuming eyes from across the camp. He stood and approached the miko with determined steps and then grabbed her shoulder gently. She met his eyes and did not flinch from his touch. He spoke only one word. The only one he needed to speak. "Miyoko."
She closed her eyes and trembled. "I don't know, Sesshomaru." She murmured and then found the strength again to meet his eyes. "I only know what you know."
He flinched and released her as if the sight of her and the feel of her skin burnt him. "You know nothing."
She shook her head fiercely and dug her nails so deeply into her palms that they bled. New tears fell down her face in a torrent. "I don't want to know, but I do. It is yours. It is all of you and everything and I don't want it. I would take Tokijin and cut it from my mind if I could… Everything but her and her song. So do not deny what I do or do not know. It is mine now as surely as it is yours."
"You dare to say you understand?" He growled with murderous intent.
"I let myself feel it so I could understand!" She screamed at him and then paled and looked away, caught by hollow, instantaneous silence.
"You… Let yourself…" His voice faltered as his eyes fell on the human miko who every fabric of his being had despised only a few moments before. "Why?"
"I wanted to understand."
"Why?" He pressed once more as he again advanced toward her. He could smell her tears and the blood from the cuts in her palm. He could smell her sadness and fear, but not of him. He knew too well. She feared sleep.
"No one deserves what they did to you. You were a boy. You were trying to protect your sister. You were being noble." She whispered so softly only he could hear her. The words were barely even mouthed. "Even in a memory, no one deserves to be alone through that. No one."
Her legs were giving out, but he didn't let her fall. His arm wrapped around her waist and held her tightly to his torso. He felt a part of his heart warm singular from the parts that held Rin and Miyoko. It warmed for Kagome because she, alone, understood. She understood everything, of that he had no doubt. "You are safe with me. I will not let them take you." He whispered and trembled as he felt her arms wrap around him and cling to him fiercely.
"Please don't let me go." She whispered and he knew that Inuyasha and the advancing Kouga had heard her. He knew because his brother had stopped breathing and Kouga had frozen in place.
He held her tighter and took in her scent deeply, instinctually memorizing it, his beast claiming it. Her fingers gently clutched the fur of mokomokosama as the beast inhabiting it wrapped around the girl protectively. "I will not. I promise I will not."
He slowly turned her and drew her down with him against the tree that she had pressed herself to only moments before. He cradled her close to him and relaxed faintly as he felt her relax. His beast curled around her waist and legs, calming her further. In turn, she calmed him as she pet the softness of the fur that surrounded her. Their eyes did not meet, but their aura's began to blend softly. She closed her eyes and began to drift off asleep against him. She saw no one else. She did not see as Inuyasha and Kouga looked on in horror. She did not see the curious Rin with a faint smile kissing her lips. She did not see the confusion in Shippo and Kohaku's eyes, nor the glimmer of understanding in Miroku and Sango. She didn't care. The one person who understood what she had endured was holding her and keeping her safe because he had endured the same. For the first time since she'd been pulled through the Bone Eater's Well, Kagome felt completely safe. Like she was home.
Time has laid his handUpon my heart gently, not smiting it,
But as a harper lays his open palm
Upon his harp, to deaden its vibration.
Longfellow
Sesshomaru remained where he had sat several hours before with Kagome in his and his beast's embrace. The two were one in their sudden possessiveness of her. She had experienced their pain. She knew their heart and so they could let no harm come to her. A few times she had begun to whimper in her sleep. He had spoken to her in soft, hushed tones of comfort and it had stilled her, much to his brother's chagrin. Inuyasha was across the camp sitting near Kouga and both men were giving him death looks. He didn't care at all except that he didn't want to have conflict around Kagome. For a full month after he had been returned to his family, he had been unable to speak or allow anyone to touch him. Except Miyoko. She had nursed his wounds as their mother had instructed her and sang him to sleep when he woke in terror.
His father had gone on the warpath the whole time, killing at random every youkai who he came across that was not of his own court. He could not destroy Ryukotsusei because the Taiyoukai still had the jewel and threatened the lives of the humans. Sesshomaru didn't care then. He wanted them dead. But if he'd have done what you wanted, no human would have survived. This girl would not be here. She is ours now. She understands. She calms it as even Miyoko could not calm it. The pain lessens because she shares it. His beast said to him softly to which he agreed. She knew. She understood. Perhaps that was all that was necessary to have made the experience, while still horrible and unspeakable, bearable. The weakness of his father he found he could now forgive. It was that weakness that had allowed Kagome to come into being. And now… Now he was not alone.
She stirred slowly and sighed. He looked down and met her azure gaze as it fluttered open. Her eyes were so dull and pained. "Sesshou…" She whispered in her waking haze. The diminutive almost made him smile.
"I am not accustomed to diminutives." He said softly and held her tighter. "Perhaps I should learn to be."
She smiled faintly and her eyes sparked to life with growing warmth. He felt some of his tension fade away. He hated seeing her in pain. The sensation was so new and foreign and yet, he did not balk from it. He embraced his connection to her greedily with sudden need. He realized how vulnerable they both were to each other and only each other. He'd been waiting so long for someone to see him without realizing he wanted to be seen. He couldn't have wished for someone to understand. No one deserved to understand his own personal hell. But she did now and he found that, with instant acceptance of his reaction, he cherished her because of her knowledge and understanding. "Would you… I want to take a bath. Would you guard the spring while I do?" Her voice was hesitant and afraid. He found himself realizing that she was afraid that he would deny her. He knew very well that he couldn't.
"I will." He replied and helped her to stand. Reluctantly, his beast slipped back to its place as she walked to her bag to retrieve what she needed for a bath. Inuyasha stood and walked toward her. Sesshomaru watched wearily, knowing full well what would happen if his brother touched her.
"Kagome, you can't be serious… He's tried to kill us. He hates humans!" He crouched down and fought the urge to touch her. After her last reaction to his touch, he knew she probably would react badly. It stung, but he didn't know what memories of Sesshomaru she had endured. His heart ached that the woman who had brought him back from the brink pulled away from him, but his mind and instincts told him that his brother was a comforting presence for her. As much as he hated Sesshomaru, he loved Kagome too much to begrudge her that comfort.
"He won't hurt me, Inuyasha…" She whispered and met her best friend's gaze with warmth, though her gaze was still pained and frightened. She felt naked out of Sesshomaru's arms. "I trust him. He won't let anyone hurt me."
"You can't honestly know that! Just because you shared his memories…"
"Inuyasha, don't…" She said softly and she leaned her head toward the earth. Her hair cascaded in a curtain, hiding her face. He halted in his words when he smelled her tears. "I know you can't understand. There's no way for you to ever understand… Just as there's no way I can ever understand the pain you feel every time you look at me and see Kikyo staring back at you… But, please, Inuyasha. Trust me. Trust my judgment. If only on this. Trust me as I trust you."
He ached softly in the pit of his stomach as her words resonated through him. He couldn't ever understand what she shared with Sesshomaru, but he could trust her. He bowed his head softly and nodded. "I trust you. Just… Just be careful and come back to me, ok?"
She smiled and nodded as she stood. "I made a promise to you, Inuyasha. I haven't forgotten it."
He smiled and watched her as she turned to return to Sesshomaru's side. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders to steady her and guided her toward the nearest spring he could find. As they were about to leave camp, Jaken returned. He sensed him near, but did not expect what happened next.
"You pitiful, dirty human! Get away from Lord Sesshomaru!" He screeched and advanced, sweeping the girl off her feet so that she crashed to the ground. His staff struck her hard and fast along her ribs, making a sickening cracking sound as some of the bones broke.
She cried out and curled into a fetal knot and then went still. Jaken found him self pinned against a tree with his master's claws digging into his throat.
"Give me one good reason why I should not kill you, Jaken." Sesshomaru growled through gritted teeth. Mokomokosama had slipped from his shoulders and was wrapping himself around Kagome protectively, trying to soothe her, however, if his rage did not abate, he would call his beast back and shift if only to devour the toad properly.
"My lord!" He choked, gasping for air. "She is only a human! The human wench of your bastard hanyou brother!"
"She is mine now." He snarled and tightened his grip. "And you have harmed her, you insolent toad." Some of the red faded back. His eyes returned to their amber hue and he snarled, dropping Jaken to the ground. "If you ever harm her again or question my words to my face on any subject, I will destroy you. Do not touch her. Speak to her with the respect you show me and never make her cry. Her tears… Are unacceptable." He said with venom. Again, the group was stunned to silence at the sudden overwhelming protectiveness and possessiveness of Sesshomaru concerning Kagome. He returned to her side and smoothed her hair gently. "Kagome…" His voice was soft and coaxing. She opened her eyes and met his gaze with fear and pain. "He hurt you. You need to heal your ribs." She nodded and focused her energies so that the bones that had been broken mended with her healing powers.
When she had healed, she leaned against him and let him help her stand. She gathered her things again and smiled faintly that his beast's physical manifestation was still wrapped warmly around her. She pet it softly and sighed, again leaning into his form as he led her away. When they were out of hearing range she gently gripped the fabric of his haori. "Thank you."
He nodded and held her tighter to his side. "There is no need to thank me, though."
"You protected me."
"There was no question."
"Yesterday there would have been."
He paused for a moment and stopped their progress toward the spring. He met her gaze with intensity. "Yesterday, you did not understand. Yesterday, you were my allied enemy. Yesterday is not today and no longer matters. Today you are Kagome who knows… Understands this Sesshomaru and all he was before today. Today you became my responsibility and I accept you without restraint or a second thought. You are not a burden to bear. You are… Simply mine to protect now." He reached up and gently caressed her cheek. He felt himself warm faintly when she leaned into his touch. "You are mine."
She nodded and slipped back into his embrace with an ease that frightened her, but only slightly. He's the same Taiyoukai who threatened my life yesterday, and I don't care. He's more the boy to me now… The boy whose pain I shared and who is so gently and tenderly looking after me. He's right… Yesterday is not today and no longer matters. He's claimed me and I… I am glad he has.