To Know The Man

by OnyxIvyStone

Can we ever really know someone? Is there a way to see into their hearts and minds and pasts and understand what has made them who they are? Kagome is going to learn that the key to Sesshomaru's soul is what rests in the shades of what came before.

12. Chapter 12

I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.

Silent Homage of Thoughts Unspoken

("The Light of Stars")

The night is come, but not too soon;

And sinking silently,

All silently, the little moon

Drops down behind the sky.

There is no light in earth or heaven

But the cold light of stars;

And the first watch of night is given

To the red planet Mars.

Is it the tender star of love?

The star of love and dreams?

O no! from that blue tent above,

A hero's armor gleams.

And earnest thoughts within me rise,

When I behold afar,

Suspended in the evening skies,

The shield of that red star.

O star of strength! I see thee stand

And smile upon my pain;

Thou beckonest with thy mailed hand,

And I am strong again.

Within my breast there is no light

But the cold light of stars;

I give the first watch of the night

To the red planet Mars.

The star of the unconquered will,

He rises in my breast,

Serene, and resolute, and still,

And calm, and self-possessed.

And thou, too, whosoe'er thou art,

That readest this brief psalm,

As one by one thy hopes depart,

Be resolute and calm.

O fear not in a world like this,

And thou shalt know erelong,

Know how sublime a thing it is

To suffer and be strong.

Longfellow

It had been agreed, through no help of Inuyasha and Kouga, that the best course of action was to take up residence in Sesshomaru's castle until Kagome was in full control of her abilities within the first night that the young miko had returned to her home. Kaede had agreed to travel to the seat of the Western Taiyoukai to help aid in Kagome's learning as well as to help keep order between the three alpha males who seemed so intent on establishing their dominance over one another. Jaken had been sent ahead the next morning along with the elderly miko in order to set up the palace for Sesshomaru's return along with his group of allies.

Kaede had studied Sesshomaru with intense, ancient eyes that, while only containing a fraction of his years, held a great deal more wisdom than the Taiyoukai. It was widely accepted by most youkai that, while most humans never attained more enlightenment than themselves in the course of their short lifetimes, there were certain groups, mikos and monks in particular, who, through some divine fluke of nature, came to possess vast spiritual wisdom that took most youkai a full millennia to attain. It was something about their training and the constant looking inward that allowed them to understand without trying and accept without repercussions. They simply had wisdom that belied their seemingly short lifetimes so, once they were in their later years, when placed along side a youkai of a relative age, their grasp of the universe and powers that be equaled, if not surpassed, in comparison.

And so it was, alone in her hut while the ancient miko took in the countenance of the great Sesshomaru, son of Inu no Taisho, that he sat with his head partially bowed and his eyes diverted in a rarely seen show of respect for the woman who was inspecting him. His hatred of humanity still burned in low embers at the core of his being but that loathing was quickly fading as he realized he could not love Kagome if he hated her kind. As humanity became less the low, base annoyances in his mind and more a neutral entity, he had found that he knew respect for their spiritual leaders and elders more readily and so, while this show of respect for Kaede seemed out of place, he found it completely justified.

"Ye understand that, while I can train Kagome in her miko powers, this new ability ye and Miroku have described me is well beyond my ability to teach."

"Do you at least know of it?" He asked softly with his eyes still diverted.

"That I do. It is said that Midoriko could do the same with her abilities. Her connection to the living things around her allowed her to enhance and strengthen her purification powers and alter them from holy to divine power. It is also said that this ability was what she was using in her great battle when the Shiko no Tama had been created. Midoriko, had she died and her soul been allowed to move on, would have reached nirvana and not been returned to this world."

"You are saying she knew she would create the Shiko no Tama?"

"It is uncertain what she knew and did not know. What is certain is that two souls so completely whole and connected to the world and netherworld could have combined to create the Shikon no Tama. The ability ye have told me that Kagome has gained can only be learned on her own. Training her as a miko formally will entail many months of work on her part and much focus. Ye understand that she cannot be diverted from the course once it is began?"

He met the old woman's eyes finally and his eyes began to smolder. "What are you inferring, old woman?"

Kaede smiled and shook her head with a knowing chuckle. "So quickly do ye slacken your respect for my place when ye think ye shall be denied. Do not fret. She will have time to herself, however ye must understand that it will be precious little time and so ye must make do with it until she has completed her training."

Sesshomaru had accepted Kaede's words begrudgingly and then had written a letter that was to be placed into the hands of the head of his household upon her arrival detailing all of the arrangements that needed to be made.

He walked back to the village with Kagome next to him. He was carrying her heavy backpack while she pulled her other bag behind her. Once he had sensed Inuyasha and Kouga turn away from where he and Kagome had been curled together and return to the village on their own, he had helped her stand and began a slow meander in the same direction.

Their walk had been silent, though on more than one occasion she had leaned softly against him and slipped her arm around his waist. He, again, cursed the loss of his left arm. He could not return the gentle embrace because of his carelessness, but even more so because Inuyasha even existed. It was such a simple thing, to wrap one's arm around a beloved. So simple it is taken for granted and then, when the ability is stolen away, it becomes the most important thing and the most missed. He would, instead, gently lean so that he could kiss the crown of her head. The light ribbons of her voice would touch his ears as she would sigh in pleasure and, for a moment, he could believe that his missing limb did not matter so long as his kiss could coax such a sound from her throat.

As they came into view of the village, he chuckled low in his chest, causing it to rumble, when he heard the delighted squeals of Rin and Shippo. Kagome smiled and dropped her bag, kneeling with her arms open to embrace the bounding children racing toward her.

She laughed as she was nearly bowled over by the force of both of them, but held them tightly to her once she had regained her balance. "You two are acting like I've been gone for years!"

"Two weeks!" Shippo cried, cuddling against her neck. "That's long enough to feel like years!"

Kagome felt Rin nod where she had her head buried against the miko's shoulder. "Inuyasha yelled at me!"

"What!?" She frowned and looked down at the little girl. She'd always liked Rin. She'd thought of her as a little sister and now more as a daughter considering her relationship to Sesshomaru. "Why did he yell at you? What could you have done?"

She sniffed and held up her hand. Her palm was wrapped in a bandage. "I tripped and knocked over his ramen. It burnt me and he yelled at me and called me a 'clumsy little wench,' and then Sesshomaru got angry."

Kagome's frown deepened as she pulled away from the children. She took Rin's hand gently and began to unwrap it. When she winced, Kagome looked up and met her gaze gently. "Don't be afraid, sweetheart. I'm going to kiss it better, alright?"

Rin nodded and sniffed again. Once Kagome removed the bandage and surveyed the damage, she realized that the girl must have been burnt only an hour or two earlier. It explained why the child was still so upset. She looked as if she had only just stopped crying. Kagome dipped her head gently to the girl's hand and laid a soft kiss on her hurt skin. She pulsed her energies and healed the painful burn away within only a few seconds. When she'd finished, the astonished little girl looked at her with bright, shimmering eyes and a large smile. She hugged Kagome again tightly. "Thank you, Kagome. It hurt a lot."

"I imagine it did, sweetheart." Kagome whispered and pet her hair gently, then looked up at Sesshomaru. The Taiyoukai was watching the interchange between his beloved and his ward. His eyes were dancing with residual anger at Inuyasha's brashness and warmth for the two girls who were so deeply held in his heart. "I assume you dealt with Inuyasha?"

He nodded. "Shortly before you returned."

"Would you be too put off if I dealt with him in my own way as well? I assume that the reason he did not come to check on me in my time because you forbade it and that had to have made him cranky, but he has no right taking that out on everyone else. Least of all a child."

Sesshomaru smiled, but it was not the tender, gentle turn of his lips that came when he thought of his miko or when he had time alone with her. It was a malicious smile. "I would not be offended in the least, my dear. Feel free to deal with him as you see fit while Sango and Miroku and I finish preparations to leave."

"Where are we going?" She asked softly as she stood and finished the short trek to Kaede's village carrying her bag in one hand while her other held Rin's hand and Shippo rode on her shoulder.

His smile faded and he turned his head to meet her eyes tenderly. "It was decided that you and the others should come with me to my palace, the seat of the Western Lands, so that you can learn to control your new abilities and also to complete your miko training. Kaede has already left with Jaken to make preparations so that all is ready when we arrive."

"You will like it there, Kagome. It is very beautiful with gardens full of flowers. Sesshomaru even had a field cleared for me and had his servants plant wild flower seeds in it so in the spring it's full of blossoms." Rin said with joy in her voice. She hadn't been home in several months and she had missed the gardens and her room. Sesshomaru had it always full of flowers cut from the gardens and ensured that there were pots of flowers growing on her balcony. It was like sleeping in her own garden.

Kagome smiled and looked from the small girl to Sesshomaru. The Taiyoukai had turned his head from them, but on feeling her gaze, returned his eyes to the beautiful miko and nodded softly. "It is easier to have flowers available for her rather than allowing her to venture outside the gates where there is danger."

"It makes the sentiment all the more sweet." Kagome said with play in her voice.

"This Sesshomaru is not sweet."

"Oh yes he is. But I promise I won't let anyone know your secret." She replied, mischief joining her note of playfulness. "Shippo and Rin won't tell anyone either, will you two?"

Rin shook her head adamantly, her smile widening slightly and Shippo chuckled. "I promise, Kagome. I won't tell anyone." The kitsune said, though he knew he would take delight in making jokes about it with Rin. Talking about it with someone who already was privy to the joke wasn't breaking his promise.

Sesshomaru grumbled something inaudible about being saddled with such an incorrigible mate, but could not help the mirth that was slipping into his gaze.

Kagome smiled at Sango who was waving and walking toward them. "How are you feeling?" She asked as she pulled her best friend into a tight hug.

"Very, very much better." She whispered into Sango's ear. She smiled and met her best friend's gaze with the slightest hint of sadness. "My grandfather died while I was home."

"Oh, Kagome, I'm so sorry!" She held both of her hands tightly and met the miko's eyes with sympathy. "How is your mother?"

"Better than I would have expected. She was only his daughter in law, but over the years the 'in law' part stopped mattering. I just… It was… I felt him die." She whispered and let her eyes fall to the ground. "I tried to save him, but there wasn't any thing I could do."

He looked down to her with a softly furrowed brow, his eyes full of concern. He caressed her cheek with his fingertips, letting the wet of her tears coat his skin. She met his gaze slowly and managed a weak smile for her love. "You did not tell me."

"It didn't seem very important." She whispered, then trembled softly. She'd told no one until then. Why did they need to know? But now she understood that they did have to know. They had to know because they were her family and even though centuries separated them and the rest of her family, what occurred in either time happened to all of them. "I'm sorry."

He drew her into his embrace and ran his hand through her hair gently. "Do not be sorry, Love. Only know that there is nothing that is of little importance if it affects you. I want to know."

She nodded and clung to him gently with her eyes closed. The tears slowed and she calmed enough that she felt all right pulling away. She met his eyes and he caressed her jaw before kissing her tenderly in a way that made her feel weak. "I could have you kiss me like that all day and never get tired of it."

His chest rumbled in amusement and his eyes danced with mischief. "We will have to test that theory someday."

Miroku cleared his throat as he approached. A knowing, playful smile graced his lips as he stood beside Sango. Rin giggled and sat next to Kagome's bag with Shippo sitting next to her with a wicked smile on his face. "Will we be departing today or waiting until tomorrow?"

Sesshomaru diverted his gaze from Kagome after noting the faint blush kissing her cheeks. "Today. It is early enough in the morning that we could make our way at least a fraction of the trip."

"Kouga has left to go and gather what remains of his pack and will meet us at your palace." Miroku said softly, meaningfully meeting the gaze of the Taiyoukai. Over the past two weeks, while Inuyasha had been openly hostile toward Sesshomaru, Kouga had been more subversive with cutting remarks and passive aggressive behavior.

Sesshomaru nodded faintly and inwardly cursed. Kouga had done nothing but make his time waiting for Kagome to return complete hell. He'd never had such a hard time cooling his temper as when Kouga decided to cut in with his comments or lurid descriptions of Kagome's eyes or her voice in ways and words that only a lover had any right using. He honestly did not care that the wolf had left. What he cared about was what the action said. It said that Kouga did not respect him enough to ask whether or not he could impose his whole pack upon the Western Taiyoukai's hospitality. "I will deal with the arrangements later then." He said with a clipped, irritated voice.

Kagome frowned and looked up at Sesshomaru. "What is the matter?"

He shook his head and pushed away his annoyance and anger. "Nothing worth discussing now. We need to prepare to leave."

She nodded faintly and then smiled. She would wriggle it out of him later. "Alright. Then lets get things ready." She turned and grabbed her bag as well as Rin's hand. "Come on. Lets get my bags onto AhUn, ok?"

Rin nodded and giggled, running off with Kagome with Shippo racing along behind them. Sango took Kagome's bag from Sesshomaru and shouldered it, looking from the Taiyoukai to Miroku meaningfully. "You both know how strong she is. She can handle knowing what's been happening while she's been gone. She might even help handle Inuyasha and Kouga."

"What is happening now is not something she can easily help, Sango." Miroku said gently, meeting his beloved's eyes. "We will tell her, but she has no need to try and help sort this out. Where I know and accept what needs to be done, Kagome would not understand. She comes from a world where this kind of… Pecking order is considered asinine, but this isn't her time. Kouga and Inuyasha need to fall in line or else the next time we go to face Naraku, the fissure in our ranks will be our downfall."

"I still don't understand why Kagome can't help." Sango said with faint irritation.

"Because it is not her place to help. I respect her strength and her power, but what happens between women is nothing like what happens between men. You are able to work together without having to establish a true hierarchy. Men are not the same. Until Kouga and Inuyasha fall in line, we are put in danger." Sesshomaru replied with a gentle but firm intent. "If it is explained to Kagome, it must be done so gently or else she will take it as an affront. And it is not. It is simply how it must be done."

Sango smirked and shook her head. "Male youkai, I get it. Well, while you and the boys establish dominance, I will do my best to sit on the side lines and laugh at all of you for your silliness."

"It isn't silly, Sango." Miroku said, frowning deeply. "It is the way of things. There must be a leader."

Sango put up her hands to silence both males. She looked from one to the other with a carefully guarded ire at what she perceived as foolishness. "Forgive me if I, and perhaps even Kagome, do not agree with that. In the time that we have been traveling together we've seen exactly what having a predetermined leader has done to both humans and youkai. Establish dominance if you need to, Sesshomaru, but only so they stop questioning your rights to Kagome, and realize that even if you are able to make them back off this group will still discuss exactly what it is we will do, how we will act and what course we will take together rather than be dictated to. Now I'm going to go and help Kagome pack up." She turned before they could say anything more. For two weeks she'd watched the posturing of Kouga and Inuyasha with distaste and growing distain. She had watched as Sesshomaru had been more than patient with their behavior and, only on occasion, acted out against them. She'd applauded him silently, but now, hearing Miroku and Sesshomaru speaking about what needed to be done, she found she wanted to take a heavy club to all of the men's skulls to knock some sense into them.

She approached where Kagome, Rin and Shippo were packing up the bags onto AhUn. The great dragon was purring as Kagome would pet him now and again. Rin and Shippo were having more fun playing hide and seek between his legs, giggling and tickling each other when they'd capture the other. Sango paused as she saw Inuyasha approach Kagome. The miko turned and smiled faintly to the hanyou.

"Can I talk to you, Kagome?" He asked in a very un-Inuyasha voice.

She tilted her head and nodded. "Rin, Shippo, try not to hurt yourselves, I'll be right back."

"Ok Kagome!" Cried out Shippo as he tickled the nearly breathless Rin.

Kagome led Inuyasha a short distance away and fixed and angry glare at him. "Exactly what did you think you were doing yelling at Rin for no other reason than because your ramen spilt? She burnt herself, you dolt! She didn't deserve that."

Inuyasha winced and glared at her. "He told you, didn't he?"

"No. She did."

"Look… I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be saying that to."

"I'll apologize later, I need to talk to you about something."

"More important than this?"

"Much."

"Say it because we're going to be leaving soon and I don't have much time to spare."

"I'm in love with you."

She was going to say something. She was sure that she was. Something about him being an incorrigible, unthinking bastard. Something about how cruel he could be when he wasn't thinking. But he was thinking now. She could see his mind flashing with complete understanding of what he was saying and the full implications of his words. "Inuyasha…"

"You don't really love him. He's a tactician. He's moving you around like he would his soldiers. You're confused because you were taken over by his memories and then he resurrected you. Your heart is still mine. It will always be mine and you know that."

She was going to say something. Something brilliant and powerful. Enough to stagger him. But she was so hurt, so completely torn apart that there was only one thing she could say. "Inuyasha SIT!"

"Kagome…"

"No! You just sit there and you listen to me. If you even try to get up, I'll sit you again and again until you can't move. You don't get to say that to me. Not ever again. Do you understand? You don't get to say that because you don't know anything about what has happened between Sesshomaru and me. You don't get to say that because you don't understand what's in my heart. But most of all, you don't get to say that because you forfeited your right to love me as anything but your friend and sister a very long time ago. You chose Kikyo over me again and again and again and my heart was broken so much I didn't think I'd ever be able to feel real love again. I didn't think I'd be able to trust enough to let that happen. How dare you just walk up to me and say that you are in love me now? When I'm finding happiness with someone who… Someone who can love me and give me his whole heart as easily as I always wanted to give mine to you? But you can't have it now. I've given it to him and I love him and there isn't anything you can say now that will change that. I know completely what he is and who he is. I didn't just see his memories, I experienced them. I lived them as if I was him, and I know what's in his heart. You don't have any right to say he's lying or that I'm confused because I know with perfect clarity exactly what I feel for him and it is so much deeper than I ever loved you… Because he loves me back."

He growled and stood quickly, before she could speak again. He pinned her against a nearby tree and kissed her fiercely to silence her words. They hurt him as much as his had hurt her and he wanted her to understand that. She would not return his kiss so he pressed her harder against the bark of the tree. She yelped and he took advantage of her slightly opened lips to deepen his kiss.

Her eyes flashed open and she bit his tongue hard. He cried out and jumped back, spitting blood. She spat out his blood and trembled, sinking to her knees. She felt hands on her shoulders and she cried out, jumping back from whoever it was that touched her.

"Kagome! It's me! It's Sango!" She'd seen and heard the whole conversation, then witnessed as Inuyasha broke. She'd almost run back to get Sesshomaru and Miroku before she heard Inuyasha cry out and fall back, bloodied. His tongue would heal quickly, but it had been enough of a shock for him to pull away and back off. Still he was nearby, watching.

Kagome whimpered and looked to Sango. Her eyes were far away and broken. The same look rested in them as when she'd woken up after taking Sesshomaru's memories. "He was h-hurting me… I… I couldn't let him h-hurt me… Not the way they did…"

"Shhh…" She gathered the terrified miko into her arms and rocked her gently. The children were nearby, looking on in shock. "Shippo. Rin. Go and get Sesshomaru. Now."

Her voice was soft but firm. The children did as they were told and ran off toward where they had last seen the Taiyoukai and monk.

"Sango…" She breathed, then sobbed softly.

"He's coming, Kagome."

"Why does it have to hurt so much?"

Sango frowned deeply and smoothed Kagome's hair. "Why does what have to hurt so much?"

"Love."

She smiled sadly and hugged the miko tighter. "Because love is something that grows into us. Its like roots growing into the earth. When something comes along and tries to pull it away, part of us gets torn because of it. The nature of living is that we lose and so love hurts because it is always tested. People who come along and envy its beauty try to pull it away and so we ache. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth having. It doesn't mean it isn't beautiful."

She sobbed softly, but smiled up at her friend. "I think I knew that already… I just had to hear it again."

He'd been listening from a distance away, letting his tongue heal. As the blood and pain ended, he found his voice again. "Kagome…"

"Don't." Came her voice softly.

"I need to say I'm sorry."

"I knew that already too, Inuyasha, but it doesn't do any good. Saying it doesn't mean you won't do this to me again. Saying it is just saying it unless you back up your words with action." She looked up but refused to meet his eyes. "If you really love me, you'll want me to be happy and let go the same way I did with you and Kikyo."

"So you forgive me?"

"No." Her voice cut through him and he completely grasped the gravity of the hurt he'd caused her. He'd lost control and now he risked losing his best friend. "I won't forgive you. I won't let myself because if I do you won't learn. Prove you really love me and then I'll forgive you."

He didn't have a chance to ask her how he was supposed to do that. A fist connected with his jaw before he could form the first word. He looked up and caught sight of his brother. The Taiyoukai's eyes were bleeding red.

All Sesshomaru knew was, as he raced up to find Kagome, that Rin had said Inuyasha had made the miko cry and then pushed her against a tree and kissed her. Rin had said that she had bit him and then fallen to her knees weeping and that Sango had sent her and Shippo to find him. All Sesshomaru knew was that, if his brother even began to fight back against him, he would let his beast overtake him and tear Inuyasha to shreds.

"Get up." He said through gritted teeth. "Face me."

He shook his head and spit out more blood. "No."

"You are a coward who makes women cry and then refuses to face the consequences. Stand up and face me now."

"Why? So you can beat me more?" He growled and yelped as his brother's foot violently came in contact with his abdomen, breaking his ribs.

"So you can reclaim what pitiful shred of honor you have left. Now stand up an face me before I rend you into the next world a pitiful, honorless, bastard hanou."

Inuyasha snarled, then slowly got himself onto his feet. He did not meet his brother's eyes. He knew what Sesshomaru wanted. He wanted submission. He wanted Inuyasha to shame himself in front of his own pack and accept Sesshomaru as his alpha. He loathed to even think about what it would mean, but he knew that if he didn't he would either die or lose any chance at forgiveness from the one person who really mattered to him. Kagome.

Sesshomaru let the poison in his blood surface in his claws, then raked them across Inuyasha's chest, scarring him with burning gashes that would remain for at least a century. By the end of that time, even his weakened hanyou blood would have destroyed any trace of the mark. The mark made Inuyasha his subordinate. Beta to Sesshomaru's Alpha. But more than that, it marked him as pack and Sesshomaru's second in command. He leaned forward, digging his claws in slightly as he finished his mark and whispered to his brother in fierce, feral tones. "Keep your friend's close and your enemies closer. If you make her cry again, I will kill you without a thought. If you touch her again, I will take your manhood and burn it to ash. I will not abide her tears."

He turned from Inuyasha and walked toward Kagome. The miko looked up at him with helpless, broken eyes. He knew what had hurt her even more than whatever it was Inuyasha had said to her. When he'd forced her, kissed her, Sesshomaru's memories had overwhelmed her. The kind of brokenness in her gaze could have only come from that place. He knelt in front of her and put out his arm, drawing her flush against him as she slipped into his embrace.

"I'm sorry…"

"Do not apologize. Tears will leach the pain away. They will ease the ache." He whispered and leaned to kiss away her crystal rivers coursing down her cheeks.

"I feel like all I do is cry."

"Only tears shed for foolish reasons or without reason at all hold any evil in them. When or if you ever cry those tears will I let you take any blame for them or apologize for their existence."

She smiled a weak, sad smile. "You know my heart like it were your own."

"It is my own. And I have yours." He whispered and helped her stand. "We should be on our way. It is a long trip."

Sango stood and walked to Miroku who had Rin by the hand and Shippo perched on his shoulders. The monk nodded to Kagome and Sesshomaru. "We are ready to leave. Kirara and AhUn are waiting."

"Then we will go now. Kagome will ride on AhUn with Rin and Shippo. I will lead the way. And you…" He turned slightly so his eyes fell only marginally on Inuyasha as he was nursing his wounds. "You will follow on the ground. I will trust that you can keep up on your own."

He helped Kagome onto AhUn after settling Rin and Shippo in front of her. His hand rested on her knee gently and he met her eyes. "We will talk tonight more and perhaps put your mind at rest. And mine. I want to know what he said to make you cry."

She covered his hand with hers and squeezed gently. "I don't want to make you angrier."

"Nothing would stoke my ire any further than it already is. Nothing could. If you need me, or anything at all, call out as we fly and I will be there." He took her hand and placed a gentle kiss against her palm before forming a cloud before him and taking to the air. AhUn followed with Kirara close behind.

On the ground, Inuyasha finished bandaging his wounds and chased after them on the ground at top speed. A pang of guilt surged through his gut and shame for what he'd done. He didn't understand why her reaction had been so broken and vulnerable. He'd expected rage and to be sat at least a few more times, but she'd simply crumpled. And then Sesshomaru had been there and held her and she seemed to calm. Her pain seemed to melt away and her strength started to return. The pieces he'd been collecting began to fall into place like a great puzzle that was the bond between Kagome and Sesshomaru. It was his memories in her that had caused her to crumple. It was those same memories that had been soothed with his presence. But more than his presence, it had been his tenderness and warmth that had calmed and helped to heal the pain that rippled through her. It was only partially that they shared experience. It was almost entirely that… She really loves him. And he really loves her… Kami… I'm such a fool. And I'm going to spend the rest of my unnatural life trying to make this up to her. She's my best friend and I might have forever damaged her trust in me.