I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.
Him Who Will But Wait
(From "Endymion")
… … … … …
Like Dian's kiss, unasked, unsought,
Love gives itself, but is not bought;
Nor voice, nor sound betrays
Its deep, impassioned gaze.
It comes,--the beautiful, the free,
The crown of all humanity,--
In silence and aloneTo seek the elected one.
It lifts the boughs, whose shadows deep
Are Life's oblivion, the soul's sleep,
And kisses the closed eyes
Of him, who slumbering lies.
O weary hearts! O slumbering eyes!
O drooping souls, whose destinies
Are fraught with fear and pain,
Ye shall be loved again!
No one is so accursed by fate,
No one so utterly desolate,
But some heart, though unknown,
Responds unto his own.
Responds,--as if with unseen wings,
An angel touched its quivering strings;
And whispers, in its song,
"'Where hast thou stayed so long?"
Longfellow
Her hair always smelled like the soaps she used. Chamomile and English lavender is what she said the herbs were. When she had returned from her and Sango's bath, she had smelled the strongest of them and now, as night was waning into morning, the scent had faded into a light odor that made him keen his head closer to her hair.
She lay with her head resting against his knee so that he could touch her and run his fingers through her short hair. He had found himself amused that her hair had decided to curl on its own where it had only waved slightly before. Now it fell in the softest curls that fell over her face as she slept.
Their conversation returned to his thoughts as he leaned his head back against the tree where he was leaning.
"Tell me what he said, Love." His voice was soft as they walked nearby where Miroku and Sango were setting up camp with Inuyasha. The children had been set to finding AhUn some fresh grass to eat and so that left them some time alone while they gathered kindling and firewood.
She looked up at him with weary eyes. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans that flared out at thigh level with embroidery of roses along the cuffs and a flowing white shirt that exposed a portion of her abdomen that, while it delighted Sesshomaru in one way, frustrated him in another. Part of him was glad he could so easily reach that delicate skin that usually would be hidden by any decent clothing, however it also gave anyone else who reached out to her the same access and so he wished to cover her up in the most concealing kimono he could find. "Does it matter so much?"
"Yes." He murmured and allowed himself to give in to his desire to slip his arm around her waist below the gauzy white material of her blouse. She blushed and leaned against him as they walked. "I will not kill him, I promise you."
"No, you won't kill him. You'll just scar him again, most likely." She looked up to meet his eyes. Her gaze was serious and worried. "I'll tell you what he said if you tell me what it was that was bothering you when you and Miroku were talking about Kouga leaving to gather his pack."
He sighed in mild aggravation. "I thought you had let that go."
"Nope."
"I am not so lucky."
"Not in this case." She replied playfully, giggling as he spun her to the ground, hugging her tightly to his chest as they landed so she rested atop of him. "In other ways, definitely very lucky."
"You think very highly of yourself."
"I wasn't talking about myself." She breathed and leaned in to kiss him tenderly. "I was talking about you not having to deal with Kouga as well as Inuyasha."
His chest rumbled in mirth as he kissed her deeply in response to her words. "Woman after my own heart."
"So it would seem."
He nipped her lips gently. "He tries my authority. In a pack, there can only be one alpha male and one alpha female. You are clearly alpha female. They wish to be alpha male over me and it will not do. I will not be passed over or made to submit when I have been chosen as the love of the alpha female."
She propped her head on her hands, her elbows digging into his chest, causing him to growl softly. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in the whole of my life. Even what Inuyasha said to me today comes in second to that."
"Which was?"
"Oh no. More about this alpha silliness." She walked one hand up to his face on her index and middle fingers only to flick his nose, causing it to crinkle. "I will not have men fighting over me or something so ridiculous as whose alpha. We work as a group in this pack."
"You do not understand."
"I understand completely. In my time I would have handed the three of you rulers and told you to go off behind a tree and measure yourselves to settle the argument. Men never change, no matter what age they live in."
"A ruler?"
"An implement of measurement."
"That is crass."
"The whole concept of fighting to figure out whose the bigger man is crass. Frankly, my way is less bloody."
He rolled himself on top of her, quickly pinning her hands above her head. He kissed her gently, nipping her lips sharply. "You think that I am crass?" He kissed her again, delighting when she sighed in pleasure.
"Not when you kiss me like that."
"Tell me what Inuyasha said to you, Love. I promise not to be as crass as you were in my own response."
She smirked and sighed faintly. "Do you really mind my teasing?"
"Do not divert the conversation until it is finished."
"But diversion is so much fun." She laughed, and then moaned softly as he captured her lips in a deep, fierce kiss. She felt weak and dizzy by the time he pulled away. "What were we talking about?"
"What Inuyasha said to you that made you cry."
"Oh… Yes. He said… He said that I was confused. That what I was feeling was because I had been overwhelmed by your memories and that you had resurrected me. That you were only a tactician and that you didn't love me at all."
"That is all he said?" He asked softly. He had no doubt what she said was true, but when he'd questioned if there was a further extent to the conversation, her diverted eyes suggested she was hiding something. "Tell me, Love. It is only fair since I let you tease me about what I told you."
"How is that fair?"
"Because it suits my intent."
"I see. So long as it suits your intent." She grumbled and sighed, leaning her brow to his gently, letting their auras blend. "He told me that he was in love with me."
He could not suppress the growl that had been building in his throat. The intensity of it was unintentional, though he did not realize how aggressive it was until he felt her tremble beneath him. He kissed her gently to reassure her. "I won't kill him, Love. I promise. He only angers me for his thoughtlessness."
"I swear, rulers would do the trick."
"Again, crass. And unnecessary."
"You seem really sure about that, mister." She teased then trembled and sighed as he began nipping down her jaw to her throat.
"This Sesshomaru has no doubt who the winner of such a measurement would be."
"Now who's being crass?" She laughed then gasped as he nipped the sensitive skin of her throat, trailing kisses along her collarbones. He released her hands to slip his hand behind the nape of her neck, gently gripping the short hairs he found there. She slipped her fingers into his hair, combing through its length.
He smiled a faint, pleased smile before capturing her lips again heatedly, deepening the kiss until he could feel her trembling and hear her soft sighs give way to whispered moans of pleasure. I could have her now. I could claim her, bond with her and mate her right now without any repercussions… Aside from risking weakening myself in the face of battle. The bond itself holds the possibility of transferring harm to her if I am damaged in battle to the point of death. It was the injuries Inuyasha's mother sustained when our father was killed in battle that plagued her and eventually killed her. I will not put Kagome in danger. Not when our final battle with Naraku is at hand. He pulled away reluctantly and met her eyes with love and desire smoldering in his golden depths. He saw her confusion and sighed, caressing her face gently. "When Naraku is defeated. I will not risk you, Love. I will not risk us."
"Some risks are worth taking."
"Not this one. If I claim you and bond to you, I will mate you. If I mate you, I will ensure I sire a child within you. With a child between us, I could never allow you to risk your life in battle for the sake of the life we created and then Naraku would not be defeated as easily as if you were fighting with us. More blood would be shed and, as I know your heart would pang for not being able to stop the unnecessary loss of life, you would take on the guilt for every human and beloved who died in the wake of our risk."
She sighed and nodded faintly. "I agree, but I don't have to like it."
"Neither do I. If it were only a matter of us without Naraku as a threat, I would happily make you mine now and begin our family, but that is not the case. So we will have to make do with kisses and closeness and wait until our quest is completed." He kissed her tenderly, feeling her tremble beneath him. "Then I have full intent to lock the door to our chambers and pin you to our bed for as long as it takes to sate us."
She laughed and traced his features with her fingertips. "If you aren't careful, that might leave us alone in bed for several weeks."
"I will have to remember to abandon care. This option sounds more like heaven than peril to my ears."
"Mmm, but what if I want you to take your time? Abandoning care might make you too eager."
"No. I have every intention of savoring every moment and every inch of you."
"You make it sound like you have everything already planned out." She said with a partially quirked brow.
He met her eyes with mischief, play and wickedness that made her heart beat twice as fast and her chest ache with the sharpness of her breathing. "You forget that I am a tactician." He said in veiled tones that sent shivers through her.
As he ran his fingers again through her short hair where her head rested on his thigh, he wondered idly whether or not his decision to wait had been the best one. He wanted her and now that he knew what Inuyasha had said, even with the hanyou as his second in command, the closest position to him, Sesshomaru worried that Inuyasha's actions might still affect his miko on one level or another.
He looked up and saw the hanyou in question sitting on a high tree branch across camp, keeping watch over all of them, though his eyes often strayed down to the miko and Sesshomaru. Every time, though, that he fixed his golden orbs onto the pair, his hand would reach up and touch his bandaged chest as if to remind himself that the scarring mark left there by his brother was the symbol of the connection between the Taiyoukai and his beloved friend. Inwardly, behind half lidded amber pools, Sesshomaru was taking delight in the small, seemingly unimportant action. There were times in his life that he was simply grateful to the powers of the divine for their infinite sense of humor. Such a time came when he had first battled his brother and seen the lack of discipline in the young heir to his father's seat of power. When his mother had died, he had been left to fend for himself in a world that, all for the elder youkai who had decided to follow the wishes of Inu no Taisho, wished for the young hanyou boy to die because he symbolized the last shred of connection and responsibility they had to the former Taiyoukai's alliance with humanity. If Inuyasha died, the elders would have no choice but to elect Sesshomaru, who, it was well known even then, hated humans even more than Ryukotsusei. Now, as he observed Inuyasha's pain, he again thanked Kami for that simple lack of true discipline that would allow for such a visible show of emotion. Regret, pain, self-loathing and guilt were all tied up in the simple act of raising his hand to the wound on his chest and Sesshomaru couldn't have been more delighted.
He returned his icy, sinister gaze back down to the miko who had shifted onto her back in her sleep. His eyes melted and filled with affection for the beautiful girl as he reached down and pushed one of her soft curls away from her face in a furtive, tender motion. She smiled faintly in his sleep and he, for the countless time that night, faintly regretted that he had not given in to their desire for union and simply taken her out in the forest and made her his in body and soul. If we press on tomorrow until late in the evening, we should reach my palace without any difficulty. Once we are there, certainly there will be time that I might steal her away. I know that I should wait until we have defeated Naraku. It is not safe to go into battle with a new mate, especially knowing that she will be his major target in the fight. But anything could happen in battle. Either one of us could be taken, as much as I am loath to admit it. With the nearly completed jewel in Naraku's possession, the battle could go either way and I know, even if I were not to yield to our desires, the connection I already have to Kagome will divert me. And since Naraku knows, he will use that to his advantage. I will already be distracted by her… And at least if we were bonded and she were to die, I could allow myself to succumb to her wounds of my own will and follow her.
His last thought was enough to make his eyes flash in amusement and frustration. I am turning into you, Father. I love her so much it is making me weak. So much I cannot imagine living without her. I wish to blame this all on you, but I can't seem to find a way… No, there is still a way. Your damned alliance with Midoriko and the Shikon no Tama were the reasons I went to Ryukotsusei in the first place. In the second place, had I never gone to him to ensure that humanity and Miyoko were safe, I never would have had such memories for Kagome to empathize with and there would be no connection at all. But no… No. I won't think those things any more. When I think on them, my desire to blame you become gratitude that cuts into me. Without those experiences I would not have her and I refuse to see her as anything more or less than my own salvation. Without her, the wounds from my past never would have closed. They would have continued to fester. And though I may regret that I even have the scars to begin with, I will not regret their healing. I wonder if I'll ever tell you the power you have over me, Kagome. I wonder if I ever should.
Kagome smiled faintly in her sleep again and her lips moved in a soft whisper. He listened faintly and felt that small, warm smile touch his lips that was only meant for her. "Sesshou…" Came the soft, tender whisper of his name.
But perhaps, Kagome, you already know. He thought and caressed her cheek just as the first ribbons of light cascaded into camp.
Sorrow and silence are strong,
And patient endurance is godlike.
Longfellow
They had been traveling for the whole of the day. Only once or twice had they stopped to allow AhUn and Kirara to rest in their travels, however their respites had been brief and so everyone was feeling slightly travel weary with the exception of Sesshomaru. He looked back and his eyes glittered with amusement. Kagome was fighting sleep while holding a sleeping Rin and Shippo against her. He slipped back along side AhUn and caressed her cheek.
She smiled and leaned into his cool touch slightly. "I'm awake."
"Only barely." He whispered and traced her jaw with his claws, causing her to shiver slightly. "We are very nearly there."
"How close is very nearly? Its already dark."She rubbed her eyes absently with one hand.
"Another half hour at most. And once we are there, our rooms will be ready for us and you need only crawl into bed and sleep." He said in his more silken tone that had a way of wrapping around her psyche.
"Where will I be sleeping?" She asked. Her eyes were so weary and child-like. For an instant her look reminded him of Rin when she insisted that she was not tired and did not need to go to bed shortly before she curled up against his leg and succumb to a deep slumber.
"I have had a room prepared for you near mine. I did not know where you would wish to sleep."
"Where I have been sleeping." She murmured as her eyes began to droop closed.
He sighed and shook his head as his chest rumbled in mirth. He flew closer to AhUn so that the miko could lean against him as she slept with her arms so protectively clutched around the children sitting in front of her. He kissed the crown of her head and decided that she would be better off waking in his bed than in the one that had been prepared for her. He did not want her waking up with any fear since he knew full well now that she was asleep he would ensure she did not wake and upon morning she would be disoriented.
Half an hour later they had come upon his palace built in the cliffs of one of the taller mountains settled in his lands. If one looked from the western balcony, a view of the sea was visible on days when the sky was clear of mists. At the base of the mountain was a large lagoon that was fed from the ocean and from the river that ran from the top of the mountain fed by snow melts year round. The river cut through the land his palace was built on along the back through the gardens where Rin's field was located. A small forest was also along the southern wall just beyond the field of wild flowers. The palace was surrounded and fortified by a great barrier that had been in place for millennia and had not waned in its strength since it had been erected. The barrier thinned as it sensed its master approaching and allowed for those in the air to enter without having to pass through the gate. Inuyasha, however, would have to wait there until Sesshomaru gave permission for him to pass.
Upon landing in the courtyard, Sesshomaru landed beside AhUn and gathered the miko into the embrace of his arm and mokomokosama once servants had taken Shippo and Rin from her arms. She had whimpered in protest, then calmed as she felt the gentle touch of the Taiyoukai's lips brush against hers in a chaste kiss. She curled into his embrace and drifted back into a deep slumber.
"My Lord! My Lord! You have returned!" Cried out Jaken in shrill tones that offended anyone within hearing distance.
Sesshomaru snarled at the toad in warning, which silenced him quickly. "You will be quiet, all of you. If any of you wake her or the children, I will ensure a swift departure from this world."
His servants bowed their heads in submission and he turned from them so they could deal with their baggage. He nodded to Miroku and Sango goodnight and then headed toward his room. Before reaching it, he paused and instructed Jaken that Inuyasha would need to be admitted to the palace at the gates, but that he should be made to wait at least an hour. Smiling maliciously, the Taiyoukai of the West entered his rooms and strode over to his bed, laying the miko down on the silken comforter.
His room was simple, yet splendidly decorated in rich fabrics and tapestries. It was a warrior's room with the walls covered with mounted weapons he and his family had collected over the centuries. He mused that she would most likely change his surroundings, but he found that he didn't care in the slightest. Whatever change she made would be for the best.
Once the servants had brought in her belongings and set them to the side, he walked over and found her nightgown hidden in the recesses of her second bag. He mused how thin it was and how the material seemed to flow and billow in ways that certainly would hide her frame, but leave nothing to the imagination in the right light.
He sat beside her and slowly undressed her, careful not to wake her and not to divert his eyes downward any further than he needed to. After an agonizingly long fifteen minutes of frustration that included convincing him self that he did, indeed, need to dress her in her nightgown, he turned to the task of slipping her into bed, then undressing himself so he could join her.
Rather than, him self, succumb to temptation, he slipped into flowing hakama and curled around her, drawing her against his chest with his free arm. She sighed and pressed against him. She was smiling in her sleep and he found he could not look away from her even for a moment. He leaned gently to her and kissed her tenderly, but chastely as he ran his hand through her hair.
"I do not imagine I will be able to sleep with you beside me." He whispered to her, barely letting sound reach her ears. "But I imagine the lack of sleep will be rewarded, for I never knew greater bliss than watching you sleep." He kissed her brow and allowed their auras to blend once again, smiling his soft smile as she sighed in her sleep, whispering his name. "Somehow I think there will be greater bliss as we become closer, Love… But for that I will have to be patient. I doubt my father or teachers could have designed a better test for my patience than you… Nor a more beautiful and worthy one. Sleep, Love. I will be waiting for you in the morning."