I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.

Simple Faith in Mysteries

(From "Seaweed")

… … … … …

Ever drifting, drifting, drifting

On the shifting

Currents of the restless main;

Till in sheltered coves, and reaches

Of sandy beaches,

All have found repose again.

So when storms of wild emotion

Strike the ocean

Of the poet's soul, erelong

From each cave and rocky fastness,

In its vastness,

Floats some fragment of a song:

… … … … …

From the strong Will, and the Endeavor

That forever

Wrestle with the tides of Fate

From the wreck of Hopes far-scattered,

Tempest-shattered,

Floating waste and desolate,--

Ever drifting, drifting, drifting

On the shifting

Currents of the restless heart;

Till at length in books recorded,

They, like hoarded

Household words, no more depart.

Longfellow

The lagoon was still and calm that morning, for which Kagome was grateful. Often, when the river was rushing, the water would become murky where fresh and salty water collided, creating a barrier between the two worlds. Today the river was calmer because the mountains were beginning their annual freeze. The blue waters, while not clear, were calm and silent. Almost as if they were made of glass. At the bank, Rin played in the water with Sango. Kagome had convinced Sesshomaru that the girls needed time together and, after much convincing, had allowed her beyond the palace walls and down to the lagoon. Somewhere in the nearby woods she knew Inuyasha, Shippo and Kouga were keeping guard while Miroku and Kohaku kept their distance but remained in sight of the women. She sighed and lay back in the soft sand with her hands resting gently against her slowly swelling abdomen. She had only just completed her second month of pregnancy, and yet she was showing. The healers assured her it was normal and natural with a hanyou child, but they could not completely extinguish her worries. Kaede had done that. The elderly miko listened at her belly every morning now that she was beginning to show and then assured her that all sounded well. It seemed silly, but Kaede was human. The youkai healers were not. Though she trusted them for the part of her son that belonged to his father, she trusted Kaede for the part that was her.

"They say five months… That there are only three remaining…"

"Who are you talking to, Kagome?" Came Sango's soft, warm voice. Kagome turned her head and smiled faintly to her best friend. "Myself and my son. I'm all right, Sango. If something was wrong, I'd tell you, I promise."

Sango nodded, but the worry in her face did not ebb. She squeezed Kagome's hand, and then stood to join Rin at the water's edge.

Kagome sighed and curled onto her side, caressing her belly gently. At least the sickness had passed; though she was worried she was not putting on enough weight. So were the healers and Kaede, which, in turn, worried her mate. It wasn't that she didn't eat. It was that, in order to eat enough, she had to consume almost six full meals to accommodate her son and, up until a week before, she had lost nearly all her appetite to sickness. She honestly couldn't understand how youkai females survived three-month pregnancies. Considering they were built for the preternatural task, she had decided that it all surpassed her mortal mind's grasp and simply stopped trying. But she wished; so dearly, that her mother could see her and know she was happy and was due to give her a grand child.

The thought sent her over he edge again. In the last few days, nearly everything upset her and led to tears. Sesshomaru was beside himself, sensing every emotion and knowing full well their son was privy to his mother's distress only compounding his worry. He had been in a meeting with the emissaries from the other two cardinal directions when she had begun to cry again. He couldn't smell her tears, but he could feel them and it caused a pang to rip through him. He knew she wanted to go to her mother. He knew that she needed that support, but he could not allow it and she, even though her emotions belied it, understood completely and agreed.

He stood and looked in the direction of the lagoon. A faint line of concern touched his brow. "Gentlemen, I believe that is all I have time for today."

The Taiyoukai of the West's words, while meaning to contain all the calm and control his expressions were maintaining, betrayed his concern. The emissaries had been present for several days and had been privy to the state of Sesshomaru's mate. When a human became impregnated with a youkai's seed, the outcome was never predictable. It was the sad nature of hanyou that they churned and stirred the waters of their creation from their very conception. If the mother was the youkai, usually she gave birth without difficulty, however it was never the case when a human mother carried and gave birth to a hanyou. If they were bonded to the youkai father, they usually survived, but not without much difficulty throughout the pregnancy. Not only was the Taiyoukai's mate human, she was a miko of the caliber of Midoriko, meaning their child was a complete dichotomy and all together unpredictable. Not only that, it further ensured a difficult labor. The miko's powers would certainly react to the youkai blood in her child as he was being born, meaning that, without help, she might kill her own son without intending to or he might kill her in retaliation.

In either case, Sesshomaru had reason to be worried. Though the emissaries would never state it, all three found his actions admirable under the circumstances and intended to alert this to their own Taiyoukai upon their return. For the Western Taiyoukai to show such composure even during a time of strife and uncertainty was a testament to his strength and reason enough for a proper treaty between the four cardinal lands that would endure so long as Sesshomaru endured. The emissaries packed their belongings and left the Taiyoukai quickly, allowing Sesshomaru escape from the Western balcony only seconds later to join his mate on the beach.

He gathered his energies and transformed into a sphere of light, flitting down to her side in only an instant. She was curled on her side, weeping while Sango and Rin played nearby. The men had begun to approach her, but halted when they saw him appear and reach down to her.

"I'm so much trouble to you." She whispered, causing him to pause. She pulled her hands from her face, trembling. "All I do is cry."

He sighed and lay down beside her, drawing her to lie on his chest. She curled one leg over his and settled her arm across his chest with her head on his shoulder. He caressed her fervently with his one hand and breathed her in. "You are no trouble. You are my mate and I love you and the child you carry and would not trade that responsibility for anything anyone anywhere could give me… Though your tears do distress me. Even when I do not smell them, I can feel them and taste them as if I were kissing them away. I only wish I could make this burden somehow lighter."

She smiled faintly as her tears ceased and she clung to him slightly tighter. "The only time that the tears even begin to slow is when you're near me. You are my comfort."

He scoffed. "Perhaps you only enjoy me near because then you know I will face the full brunt of your emotions."

She poked him hard in the ribs, causing him to yelp, though her smile did not fade. "You realize that if I was in slightly worse spirits, I might have taken offense at that?"

"I realize." He hugged her and kissed her brow with a certain reverence. "But then I would have to make amends and win your forgiveness, and, as I recall from last week when I did not answer correctly about a certain kimono's fit, you do so enjoy watching me grovel."

"How true." She murmured, mischief in her voice. "But I can't be angry at you now. I know what you left just so you could be with me… That meeting was important."

"It will be just as important when I continue with the ambassadors tomorrow." He ran his fingers through her hair. With the child and the month of rest in his palace, her hair had grown to fall slightly below her shoulders. Though he took delight in having such access to her neck and shoulders, he was glad to have some of the length back in her ebony locks and was quick to compliment them whenever he found the opportunity. "I was thinking, perhaps, that I could send Inuyasha with word of our child to your mother. Perhaps she could send something back with him for you?"

"You just want him to stop torturing your cooks with his cravings for ramen."

"That is only part of the reason, my Love. Though I cannot risk you leaving the shelter of the palace or its grounds for long, if at all as our child grows, I do not want to deny your family the joy of sharing our happiness. If this small thing might bring you some joy, that is all that matters to me."

"And you will have your cooks back."

"And that." He said softly and hugged her tighter to him. "Would you wish for what I have proposed?"

She nodded and pressed her face into the silk of his clothing. "Very much." She breathed, trying not to cry again.

"Then it will be done." He sat up slowly with her, drawing her into his lap as he folded his legs. He could smell the verge of tears and felt slightly panicked that he might not quell them in time. "Would you like to go back to our rooms for a nap, Love?" He whispered through her hair into her ear.

She shook her head and pushed away her tears. "No, I want to stay here with you for a while, if that's alright."

"Yes, though you should eat again soon." He murmured. She was too light. Too light for as far along as she was with their child. He hadn't allowed the healers or Kaede to voice their full concerns to her. He knew it would frighten her and with her closeness to their son, he knew it would endanger them both. He had shielded that particular worry from his mind. Still, the truth was heavy on his heart. If she did not gain weight soon, she would risk losing their son.

She felt ill even at the thought. She'd eaten three meals already and it wasn't even mid day. "I've only just gotten my appetite back…"

"I know. I do not mean to harass you, Kagome. I mean only to coax you further for our son's sake." He captured her lips gently, holding her firmly against him. "It is all I can do. This is not a battle or tactical maneuver. I am out of my realm."

She sighed and hugged him tightly. Too many were too close with youkai hearing. Even if he'd whispered his fears to her, he would have sacrificed his pride. However, she'd become adept at hearing the words beneath his words. He had all but told her that he was afraid and felt helpless. Only she could do what was necessary and it was making him clumsy in his actions and expressions when it came to her. It was in his heart to never deny her anything, and so when she felt ill, even though he knew she must eat, he could not bring himself to force her. "Listen to me." She whispered and caressed his cheek with an infinite tenderness. "I couldn't have asked for a better mate or father for my children. Sometimes what we want isn't what we need and you've been fighting so hard lately to keep what our son and I need in perspective. I don't want you to think I can't see that. I don't want you to think I don' appreciate that. So I need you to forgive me sometimes when I snap or cry or fight you. I'm not myself, but I always know you have the best in mind and I will try harder to lean to your will, all right? I trust you with our lives. I will always trust you."

He smiled softly, his eyes relieved suddenly as he leaned into her delicate touch. "Thank you."

She smiled in return and caressed his lips with fragile fingertips. "Take me back to the palace, Sesshou. I think you're right about the meal and nap."

The Taiyoukai nodded and stood, holding his mate tightly against him. He nodded to those who were still at the lagoon, then gathered his spiritual cloud and flew back to his palace.

Rin smiled faintly and drew her knees to her chest. Her eyes were distant and full of thought.

"What are you thinking about, little one?" Shippo asked as he approached in his deep voice. His change had been difficult for everyone, but no one so much as Rin and Kagome.

Rin shrugged and diverted her eyes to the sand from where Kagome and Sesshomaru had been seated. "Nothing I can really explain."

Shippo sat near her and frowned slightly. The girl was never at a loss for words. "Try."

She sighed and continued to stare at the sand. How could she tell him what she knew? What she felt? She couldn't even tell Kagome or the man she had come to know as her father, the great Taiyoukai of the West. She should have been able to trust them more than anyone else. "It is only that… I want them to be happy. Forever."

The kitsune watched the girl as she spoke. He knew there was more, but he refused to press her for answers. "I do too. I think everyone here does on one level or another."

No, they didn't. She knew that much simply by watching. Inuyasha and Kouga, certainly, only wanted Kagome to be happy. Sesshomaru made her happy and so they did not fight him any more. But there was something else. Something that frightened her. There was something being kept unseen and she knew, in time, when it was revealed, that it had the potential to either destroy or save them all from Naraku. But everything hinged on one specific thing. She simply didn't know if she had the strength to reveal what she knew. "Shippo… Do you believe in fate?"

"I believe in Kami's will, but not in a preordained path we cannot divert from."

"What do you mean?"

He thought a moment, putting his ideas into perspective. "I believe that Kami intended me to know Kagome and Inuyasha and everyone else. I believe that, in that way, our becoming a group was fated, but… I cannot believe that my father's death, or your parent's death was fate. Everyone has free will, and either choose to divert from what Kami intends and what they are pulled toward or to go with the motion and path they have been provided. Even if they do that, no one is ever promised happiness. It's all just good intentions and hope."

Rin nodded and sighed. "I believe that too." She murmured softly and looked to her once very small friend. She felt diminutive next to him now when once she felt tall. He was one of the adults now and it separated them in a rather painful way. "Shippo… What is it like to be an adult?"

Shippo chuckled and met Rin's gaze. "Very much like being a child, except taller… And wishing to be back… As I was. Granted, I was two centuries old when I shifted, but now I have to act like an adult even though I was mostly thinking like one long before now. Even if I don't want to."

"I… I don't understand. Being an adult seems to be full of so many mysteries that I want to discover and know. Why would you wish to be a child again?"

"It's hard to explain, Rin. Kitsune, along with a handful of other youkai breeds mature in such an abrupt fashion. In some ways, it puts us at a disadvantage. But in others ways, it is a benefit. I almost knew to the day when I was going to shift. Or at least around when. So I was able to enjoy my childhood until it was ripped away. The adjustment was abrupt, but I had a chance to really enjoy every moment. Humans and most breeds of youkai mature at a regular rate, even if they are father slow. Inuyoukai, for example, mature about five human years in a hundred. Once they reach maturity, they are guaranteed near immortality. Their hanyou age much quicker. Inuyasha was full grown probably by the time he reached two hundred. He is not guaranteed near immortality like Sesshomaru, but, even in a thousand years, he will not be much older physically than his brother is now. Still, in their maturation, as in yours or Kagome's or any human's, there was a gradual loss. They had the opportunity to adjust and so letting go of their childhood became a series of releases rather than one moment when it was all ripped away. Maybe it is for that reason that kitsune shift so abruptly as well as the other youkai who share our maturation. We never lose our sense of play and mischief and wonder in the world because we were allowed to be children so very long."

Rin smiled and reached out, taking his rather large hand. Her skin tingled with the energy she could sense in him in the same way that it did when she took Sesshomaru's hand. It was as if she could feel their souls. "So you are still the same Shippo inside, you just got taller?"

Shippo smirked and nodded softly. "In all the ways that count." He squeezed her hand lightly, and then released her small, slender fingers with slight remorse. She had no concept of how much he would give to be a child for only a few more years by her side.

She stood and nodded to him gently, reaching out to brush a strand of his copper curls from his brow before she ran after Sango who was playing in the still waters. Her laughter harmonized with the other girl's shortly before they both splashed into the deeper waters. Shippo turned as Miroku and Kohaku joined him where he sat. He felt Kouga and Inuyasha approaching. Rin and Sango surfaced, splashing each other playfully and swimming. The sunlight hit their hair, illuminating the deep red undertones of Sango's tresses and the ashy blue coal of Rin's. In the light, they seemed ethereal water spirits dancing in the glassy surf at midday. Sirens beckoning unknowingly to the poor men on the shore who so visibly lacked their presence and spirit among them and longed to join them.

Rin paused suddenly and looked back on the group of five warriors who sat on the surf. Her breath caught in her chest as the visions came again. They always bombarded her senses, but usually they came when she was alone. When she could hide them from others. Her eyes widened and she saw them standing in the courtyard of some hidden palace in the Northern mountains. Sango was not with them. She knew why, but for the moment it was unimportant. Sesshomaru stood beside Inuyasha with Miroku, Kohaku and Shippo shortly behind them. Both men stood transfixed with the sight before them, both unbelieving.

Two women, dressed in nothing but black, on either side of Naraku, flanking him. Allied to him. In the arms of the woman who had caught Sesshomaru's gaze was a small child with silvery ears and hair and bright cobalt eyes. The other woman held a bow, arrow aimed at Inuyasha's heart, transfixing his gaze.

"What did you expect, great Western Taiyoukai? The mother of your son to run to you? Or you, bastard hanyou, that you could escape the vengeance of your lover? I would never leave her cold in the ground. Not when she wishes your death as much as I do. So what is your decision? Kill the women you love as they defend me or let yourselves fall for their sake?"

Both brothers gritted their teeth and did not answer. In the distance, Rin could see a three figures mounted on crosses, their limbs outstretched and nailed to each arm of the cross in the form of an ex, their heads bowed to their chests.

"Two of raven, one of red… Two of raven, one of red…" The words passed her lips almost like a prayer. She could smell the headiness of their blood, but she knew, instinctually, they were alive. Her breath finally freed and she screamed. She felt someone shaking her, but she could not stop screaming. Her world went black as she felt her body convulse and seize. As blissful unconsciousness took her, one thought slipped into her mind and she held onto it, as if it were the only thread of life left in her body. It wasn't Kagome… Sesshomaru, it wasn't Kagome…

Every guilty deed

Holds in itself the seed

Of retribution and undying pain.

Longfellow

"What happened to her?" That was her father's voice. She could recognize it anywhere. He sounded angry, but she knew that meant he was upset and afraid for her.

"She was playing and then she stopped and stood rod strait and then started screaming." Sango. That was Sango's voice. Why did she sound like she had been crying?

"She said something, though…" It was Inuyasha. He sounded as angry as Sesshomaru… Did that mean he was afraid too?

"It was whispered. I didn't hear it. She said it just before she screamed." Sango replied.

"Her aura is strong. It flared just before she screamed." It was Miroku, the monk. He sounded like he was thinking about something deeply even as he spoke.

"Come on, Baby…"

Momma, I hear you… Why can't you hear me? I have to tell you… I have to tell you what I saw before it fades away…

"Can you sense anything, Kagome?" It was her father again. He was closer now. She could almost see him with his hand on her mother's shoulder. She felt a cool hand on her brow.

"I… I think she's somewhere between wake and sleep. Like she's in a trance. Rin, Baby… Can you hear me?"

Yes, Momma, please help me! I have to tell you… I… No, it can't fade away again!

"I can hear her… She seems so far away… Her voice is almost at a whisper… I think if I…"

She could feel the warmth of white light all around her where black used to be. Momma! Momma, I have to tell you now before it fades. Naraku… He is planning something awful. He will steal my brother and… And… And… NO!

She screamed and sat up as her eyes flashed open. Her eyes filled with white light so their chocolate depths lightened to almost a golden caramel. Kagome's arms were around her. She tried to comfort her, tried to calm her. "I heard you, Rin… What were you trying to tell me about Naraku and your brother?"

The room took on a frightening stillness. Rin closed her eyes and began to weep. "I can't… Remember anymore… Only… Two raven, on red on crosses deep in the North… And… And… Please, no… It's important. It's terribly important that you know… Father…" She looked to Sesshomaru whose eyes softened instantly. "It isn't her. I don't know what it means, but neither of them is real. They aren't them… Two raven… One red…" Her eyes filled with panic as she realized how many eyes were on her. She pressed her face into Kagome's shoulder, clinging to her tightly. "It's fading away… I can't see it any more."

"Rin…" Her mother's fingers were so calming as they ran through her hair. "How long have you had visions of the future?"

The girl trembled in her arms and Kagome only held her tighter. "Forever… I don't remember a time I didn't. The day my parents were killed, I felt drawn away from the house to a field to pick flowers… I never did that until that day. Then I felt very afraid. I saw my parents die like it was happening in front of me and so I ran back and… And that was when I found them. I used to think the flowers saved me… That, maybe if I'd asked my parents to come with me that morning, they'd still be alive. The vision and their death silenced me. I knew that the wolves would come. I knew… I knew where to find Sesshomaru. I knew because I saw it."

"Why didn't you say anything about it?" She felt her father sit beside her, caressing her hair gently, calming her further.

She laughed. It was a hollow, broken laugh. "I never saw anything helpful before now. At least not for the great Taiyoukai of the West to know. And even if I had visions that might have helped, I never remembered them by the time I woke from my visions. This is the first time anything has really stayed… Except…"

"What is it, Rin?" His voice was so soothing to her. It always had been. Even when there was anger in it. There was none now. Only gentleness and warmth.

"You have to tell her, Father. She has to know before the gambit is made." She looked up finally and saw the shock in her father's eyes and noted it also in the eyes of every other man in the room… Except Kohaku. And in her heart she understood why they would have excluded him. She looked up at Kagome and noted her confusion. "You have every reason to be afraid if they don't tell you. They think you not knowing will make you safer. They hide it because they believe you will be safer… And perhaps you would be if you did not have my brother. Naraku wants your son."

Kagome trembled and rested a hand on the small swell at her abdomen. She looked up and saw the guilt in her mate's eyes. She stood abruptly and stepped away. "What aren't you telling me? What foolishness are you and these other men planning? What have you been lying to me about, Sesshomaru?"

"Kagome, this isn't a conversation for now."

"Oh, like Hell it isn't."

"Kagome…" He stood and reached out for her, but she pulled away sharply, slapping his hand out of reach of her when he tried again. He frowned deeply.

"Kagome, all choices were made with the best of intent. It was a plan made in the span before you even returned from your time…"

She rounded on her heel and looked Miroku deeply in his eyes. Hers began to shimmer, but she refused to cry. She was too angry to cry. "And that makes it alright? What would have been the deciding factor for you to tell me this awful thing you men have planned? Or is Sango a part of it too?"

Sango met Kagome's eyes with confusion. "I'm as clueless as you are."

"At least there's that. Shippo?"

Her son looked down guiltily. He didn't know until after his shift, but he had helped keep the secret plan. Even against his better judgment. "Momma, you don't understand…"

"Let me tell you men exactly what I understand. I understand that some plan to deal with Naraku directly involving me was made without my knowledge. Somehow keeping me in the dark was supposed to give you an advantage in the final battle and so the five men I love, trust, consider my family and would put my life in their hands, decided to lie by omission. Even when my son was conceived. Even when they all knew how fragile we both are… Even… Even…" They felt a strong pull from her spiritual powers, the white threads suddenly being pulled with a sharp pain as she ripped away what she needed to know. Her eyes widened and, finally the tears spilled. She felt them approach her. She put out her hands and threw them all back against the walls of Rin's chambers. "Don't touch me."

She felt Rin and Sango gently take her arms to support her when her legs threatened to fold. She leaned against her friend and daughter gently as she began to sob in aching, painful drags of breath. "Let's take her to my room." Sango said softly.

"She… She should go to our chambers." Sesshomaru's voice seemed small and worried.

"Kagome?" Sango asked softly.

Kagome shook her head and hung on tightly to her friend. "I don't want to be anywhere near there. I don't want any of them near me…"

"Don't worry." Sango breathed into her ears. "They might learn slowly, but I doubt they'll come anywhere near you unless it's with their tails between their legs."

"I don't want them near me even then." She whispered as Sango and Rin helped her into the hall.

"What was it, Kagome?" Sango asked, helping her down the hall and into her own chambers. Until a month before, Miroku had slept next to her and they had shared space. Then, without warning, when she'd finally given in and wanted to be with him and give him a child before it was too late, he had turned away from her, saying that he couldn't endanger her and that, until Naraku was defeated, he would not risk their being together. It had confused her, infuriated her, and hurt her deeply, but she'd kept it away from view of everyone, even Kagome. She understood hiding things to protect the ones you loved. She thought she could understand the men and help Kagome forgive their decision to not tell her of their plan.

Sango helped Kagome lay down and Rin curled around her, petting her hair. Sango sat on the other side of her once she had finished bolting her door. She caressed the miko's arm gently. "Tell us, Kagome. We're alone now."

"They hid their plan from me… The plan should have begun once we'd reached here, but… Kouga decided it was best to start immediately. The plan was to go to Naraku and pretend to ally with him in return for my life. They didn't want to tell me because they were afraid Naraku might read it in my mind if I couldn't learn to control my new abilities, just like he did when he kidnapped me in the first place. It was then that Naraku made Kouga promise him that, if I was pregnant with Sesshomaru's heir when I was delivered, that our son would belong to him. Because it was feared that Naraku still has a connection to Kohaku, once it was discovered I was pregnant, Kouga went and told Naraku. Sesshomaru all but ordered him to. Sesshomaru ordered Inuyasha to break his promise to me. Miroku agreed and ensured that Shippo knew, but also kept the truth from me. Even carrying his heir, the bastard is as cold and calculating as he was while he was fighting Inuyasha for Tessaiga. All of them are liars. I can't stand the thought of even seeing them again… Hearing their voices again… Letting him touch me again… He hurt me… So much…"

Rin clung to her mother as she wept, petting her gently. Sango was dumbstruck. "He loves you, Kagome." Rin breathed, pressing her brow against her mother's. Their auras flared with the same mark of pack, reestablishing the bond of family. Kagome began to calm, though she trembled. She gasped sharply and touched her belly.

"Kagome?" Sango looked at her friend with worry. Suddenly her hand was drawn to the miko's belly where she felt the slight movement from within. A small pressure met her hand. She smiled and curled up around Kagome's back, hugging her friend against her form. Rin placed her hand on her mother's belly, feeling her brother beginning to move. "So small." Sango breathed.

Kagome nodded and smiled faintly as she felt her weariness build. The life inside her surged gently to let her know he was there, with her always. "I know he loves me, Rin." She whispered, regaining some of her sense. "They all love me… And I understand why they decided to do what they did, but… That doesn't mean I'm going to fold so easily. Not yet. Or else they'll never learn. I'm not some weak creature. I never have been. They should have been able to trust me."

"So you are going to forgive them?" Sango asked, smoothing Kagome's hair out of her own face, and then holding her close again.

"I think I already have." She murmured, already falling asleep. "Angry and hurt doesn't mean I stopped loving them… Loving him… He should have known better. He should have reconsidered, especially now… With our son. They all bet on me understanding and folding completely to their wills and I won't do that. I can't do that. If only for my son's sake. He has to come first always now. No matter what. Even if they hurt. His safety means more. Even more than defeating Naraku."

Rin smiled faintly and caressed the tiny swell as Kagome began to drift off. She felt some of her fear fade away. So that was the crux… That was the turning point. I don't know what will happen now, Momma. But maybe that's best for now. At least now… At least now I'm not afraid. I can't lose two families. And I won't.