I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.
Rising and Reaching Upward
(From "The Spirit of Poetry")
There is a quiet spirit in these woods,
That dwells where'er the gentle south-wind blows;
Where, underneath the white-thorn, in the glade,
The wild flowers bloom, or, kissing the soft air,
The leaves above their sunny palms outspread.
With what a tender and impassioned voice
It fills the nice and delicate ear of thought,
When the fast ushering star of morning comes
O'er-riding the gray hills with golden scarf;
Or when the cowled and dusky-sandaled Eve,
In mourning weeds, from out the western gate,
Departs with silent pace! That spirit moves
In the green valley, where the silver brook,
From its full laver, pours the white cascade;
And, babbling low amid the tangled woods,
Slips down through moss-grown stones with endless laughter.
And frequent, on the everlasting hills,
Its feet go forth, when it doth wrap itself
In all the dark embroidery of the storm,
And shouts the stern, strong wind. And here, amid
The silent majesty of these deep woods,
lts presence shall uplift thy thoughts from earth,
As to the sunshine and the pure, bright air
Their tops the green trees lift. Hence gifted bards
Have ever loved the calm and quiet shades.
For them there was an eloquent voice in all
The sylvan pomp of woods, the golden sun,
The flowers, the leaves, the river on its way,
Blue skies, and silver clouds, and gentle winds,
The swelling upland, where the sidelong sun
Aslant the wooded slope, at evening, goes,
Groves, through whose broken roof the sky looks in,
Mountain, and shattered cliff, and sunny vale,
The distant lake, fountains, and mighty trees,
In many a lazy syllable, repeating
Their old poetic legends to the wind.
… … … … …
Longfellow
Their faces were masks of shame and trepidation. There was fear, particularly in her son's eyes and her brother's. She imagined that, next to her lover, they had the greatest to lose. Or at least they felt they did. She sighed and felt her resolve fade. It wasn't that she was not angry with each one of them. It wasn't that she felt they deserved any kind of easy forgiveness. It was that she was simply so exhausted. Her rage had weakened her physically and spiritually and she was left with the overwhelming fact that she couldn't sustain her once so easy resolve to find some way to punish them all. She sighed and leaned back against the tree where Sesshomaru had set her in the gardens on the boarder of Rin's field. Her beloved was watching her every move, as were the other men who loved her so completely.
"You are all so lucky that I don't have the strength to make you pay for hiding the truth from me." She murmured absently, and then smirked in a rather annoyed fashion. "I spent myself on my mate and so it would seem you're spared for the time being."
Inuyasha raised a brow and crouched next to her small feet. He reached out and gently took one of the dainty appendages free of sock or shoe. Kagome raised her eyes to the worried eyed hanyou. "Saying the word wouldn't take much energy."
She laughed with faint brokenness. "Having the will to do it would. Frankly, with the look in your eyes and the fact that you're begging me to S-I-T you, I think the easy way out would make you feel better and I don't want you to feel better."
"Kagome…" His eyes were shocked that she might be even slightly sadistic. He'd known her so long and he'd never seen this side of her. He gripped her foot a bit more firmly. "It was a stupid decision on all our parts, but it was done with love. Certainly you can see that?"
"Love for me, but that isn't the person I am concerned with, Inuyasha. He can't fight back or speak for himself and, until I discovered your nasty little secret which, by the way, how does that fall under our bargain that you tell me everything in order to regain my trust, Inuyasha?" Her mind switched roads quickly. "No… That doesn't matter so much that it seems I'm the only one who actually cared if my son lived or died."
"That isn't fair."
She looked up at her mate and scowled. "I honestly never thought you'd defend your brother."
"Only because doing so defends myself as well. Kagome, the plan was put into motion long before you were with child…"
She grabbed a strategic strand of his silken silver hair growing just above the lobe of his ear and pulled hard. He yelped. She released him. "Then it should have ended once you found out."
He rubbed his scalp gently and scowled. "I thought you forgave me."
"I did and I do, but until I decide to forgive them, you're still getting residual anger."
"Kagome, that isn't fair." Came Inuyasha's voice.
She snapped her head back to the hanyou who still had her foot in his hands. She raised her leg and kicked him hard in the chest. "No ganging up on me! And since when did you ever, ever care whether or not the fight was fair concerning your brother?"
"Since I realized the only way you were going to be happy was when he was near you and you forgave him." He said, touching where her foot had connected with his chest. "Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, you need him as much if not more than he needs you. People do stupid things sometimes without even realizing they are until the people most important to them end up getting hurt. You know for damn sure that I'm one of the worst at that. Or best, depending on how you look at it. We aren't perfect. The problem is… The real problem is that some part of you doesn't really believe that. So when we do these stupid things that end up hurting you, you get hurt even worse and… I don't know how you manage it, but you end up thinking it's your fault."
"I don't!"
"You do. Sit me if you want, but you know it's true as much as I do. I've seen you blame yourself for my stupidity so many times and I really don't feel like putting up with it any more, Kagome. It's why it's so easy for you to forgive because that isn't what you're doing. You're just letting go and blaming yourself so you can forget we did anything to begin with." He reached out and touched her foot again. She drew her knees to her chest and leaned into his brother when she covered her face with her hands. "We aren't perfect, Kagome. It's flattering you'd even begin to think that, but none of us are. We love you and we're hopeless fools for not thinking about what our actions might do to you… And your son. We're just as imperfect as you think you are, if not more so."
"I'm sorry…"
"No. Nuhu. You don't get to apologize. You didn't do anything stupid or wrong, Kagome. All you did was protect your child. You still are. If you didn't do that, you wouldn't deserve him."
"You should listen to him, Love." Sesshomaru whispered into her ear, cradling her against his side. Mokomokosama curled around her protectively when she trembled. She wasn't crying, she was simply processing and making sense of what his brother had said.
She let her hands fall from her face a moment later and looked at the lines in her palms. Of the three lines in her palm, head, heart and life, her heart was the deepest. They were all deep, but her heart won out, followed by life and finally by her head. She traced her heart line gently with one finger, taking note of all the smaller lines that branched and wove into its depth. She sighed and closed her hands in loose fists. "I always feel too much." She whispered and felt her lover's arm tighten around her waist. "So much sometimes I can't think… And it isn't that I think any of you are perfect, Inuyasha. I'd be more naïve… So much to a fault than any of you give me credit for if I thought that. You aren't perfect. It is only that I… I love you each so much, the imperfections seem to sparkle and make you more… Beautiful than you could have been if you were perfect. I love you each for your faults as much as your perfections."
"Then why can you not love yourself?"
His words caused her to shiver and she felt his arm only tighten around her. She looked up and met his eyes. "Why can't you?"
He smirked faintly, then smiled his gentle smile and kissed her brow. "You know why and have me at an unfair disadvantage. I have not known the whole of your history."
"It's the same reason, Love, only with different cause. We aren't that different."
"There are some who would beg to differ." He traced his lips along the course of her cheek, kissing her lips gently.
She felt a part of her melt slowly and she sighed, curling against him. "They would be wrong." She whispered and felt his chest rumble softly. She looked up to the small contingent of men in front of her. They were all there, save Kohaku who was out at the lagoon with Rin. "I'm still hurt. I doubt that will fade away with any quickness, but I understand… I know that none of you would have done anything to deliberately hurt me. You haven't lost my trust, you just haven't won my forgiveness yet."
Inuyasha smirked faintly and nodded, standing. Kouga approached slowly from where he'd been leaning against a bounder slightly further off than the others. "One question, though… Where does that leave us with Naraku? He expects me to deliver you a month before you're due. I realize we won't be doing that, but he might retaliate. Hell, it's sure he'll retaliate and in the cruelest, bloodiest way possible. We all know this."
Kagome sighed and shook her head. "I don't know… But as of now, that decision doesn't need to be made until closer to the date. As I said, I trust all of you. I don't understand battle or tactics, so it isn't like I could simply help you with the decision… Except to say that I'm opposed to being handed over to Naraku as bait, endangering my son. In any other way, I will help."
"You are not getting near the fight." He said, softly, looking down to meet her azure eyes with his golden ones. She smiled faintly and raised a brow to him. "I made a mistake. I am amending it. My instincts told me I should have ended the plan once we learned of our child and I ignored them. I will not make the same mistake."
"You could protect me and I could stay very far back."
"No."
"I could try to use my new abilities to help all of you."
"No."
"We could…"
He silenced her with a deep kiss, knowing full well how to best make her succumb. She shuddered and clung to him tightly as a soft sound of submission slipped from her throat. "I said no. There will be no more argument."
"You don't play fair."
"Neither do you, pretty mate."
She sighed and kissed him again, gently. "Fine then. You boys figure this out and I am going to take a walk." As she stood, Sesshomaru took her hand gently and met her eyes meaningfully. "I won't leave the grounds, I promise." She caressed his palm with her thumb and he reluctantly released her. Once she was out of hearing range, Miroku and Kouga sat down along with Shippo and Inuyasha. Sesshomaru ran his hand through his hair, sighing faintly.
"How insane are you going right now?" Miroku asked him with faint mirth in his voice.
"Not so mad as I would be if I hadn't given in and taken her as my own, Monk." He said with purpose, meeting Miroku's gaze.
Miroku scowled and looked away. "You have less to risk."
Sesshomaru smirked faintly. "So you say… We need to decide what will be done. A way to stave off Naraku and, perhaps, divert him… Still use this to our advantage. I will not risk Kagome and our child, but… Certainly there is some part of the plan we might salvage."
Inuyasha shook his head and smiled wickedly. "Tactician. Always a damned tactician."
"Having a plan is better than rushing head long into battle, little brother."
"Doesn't make you anything other than you are."
The Taiyoukai shook his head and sighed faintly, leaning back again against the tree where his mate had been sitting. His eyes moved in the direction she had walked. Since he had felt their son move within her, since they had sensed his power, he had been forced to realize what his heart had known all along. The child was worth more to him than anything he possessed. Kagome and their son was his whole world and, while he had known as much before, now there was no doubt that he could not bear losing her. He returned his attention to the discussion at hand while, silently, he wished he could have stood and gone with her, following her as her protector always. She was safe within the walls, he knew, but he still could not ignore the fact that he was not with her.
She walked through the winding trees on the outskirts of Rin's field. The last of the summer flowers were blooming. A faint chill was touching the air, kissing ever breeze as it caressed along her skin and through her hair. Soon she would have to bring her daughter and Sango to the field to make the last few summer crowns and bouquets before autumn and winter descended on the palace. She sat in a small clearing filled with pale pink flowers. They were small and delicate, suspended above the earth on one feeble, fragile stalk without any leaves or other shoots. Slowly she wove the flowers together into a crown for herself, meditating as she did. The pink of the petals reminded her of the pink of her miko powers. As she completed her crown, she looked at the fragile flowers. The color began to blend together and blur. She gasped faintly as she watched the pink begin to sparkle and shine with her own powers, creating a kind of mirror within the center of the crown. Slowly a face began to materialize.
She was beautiful. Simply and completely beautiful. Her eyes were a dark, almost onyx black. However, unlike Kanna's eyes, the woman's eyes were lit from within so her eyes seemed more like hematite and less like a fathomless void. Her hair was impossibly long and silky of the same color of her eyes. There was something about her features. Something about the shape of her eyes and line of her jaw. It was the way her lips curled in a smile and how the depths of her eyes danced and shimmered that seemed entirely familiar. Then it struck her. "Miyoko…" She breathed reverently. "You are human."
The woman smiled faintly. Physically, she was barely sixteen. Maybe slightly older. As she let her eyes fall from Kagome to look at her hands, she could see ribbons of Sesshomaru's features as well as Inuyasha's. To be more precise, of Inu no Taisho. "It would seem as much, but I am not." Her voice was almost musical in the same way Sesshomaru's was. Controlled but filled with silk and warmth. "I cannot explain, but I must warn you, Kagome. This rapport will not last long and there is something very important you must know now."
"But where are you? I must tell your brother… And how do you know me?"
"You have been in my dreams since… Since I came to be as I am. Where I am. But that does not matter. Not now. You must understand that there is something by far more important than me. Your son. You. Rin. I cannot tell you the exact nature of what will happen, Kagome, but you must know that, when the decision comes, it will be entirely yours. Have faith that your son is stronger than either you or my brother could have guessed. You do not need to worry for his sake."
"I don't understand…"
"Understand only that, when you choose, you must choose Rin. She is infinitely important."
"But our son…"
"Is strong. He is the son of the miko of the Shikon no Tama and the Western Taiyoukai. He possesses the strengths and powers both of you have given him as his inheritance. These powers are even more close to him than you because, until he is old enough to think as a tactician or be even somewhat a victim of his emotions, his soul will be governed by instinct. He has inherited access to the same divine abilities both you and Midoriko possessed. For many years, he will be protected by them and his own survival instincts. Kagome, you must trust that. You need to trust that. Rin has none of those abilities. All she has is her visions and not even a slight control over them. They are not enough to protect her from what will come."
"What is to come? Miyoko… You must tell me. They are my children…"
"Calm, sister. Know that I have been watching you all along. I have seen how far you have come and you must trust your innate strength. You are the reed in the river, bending and moving with the rush of the water, but never breaking. You are the tide gently crumbling away the seawall into sand through time and patience. Your strength is not something any one notices until they must rely upon it and then… Only then can they possibly understand what it means not only to survive… But to endure."
"But Rin…"
"Is not safe."
She shuddered and stretched her perception out beyond the palace's barrier to the lagoon. Her breath stopped when she found a broken Kohaku, nearly dead, with his shard removed. She looked back into the crown to find it nothing more than a circlet of pink again. She gasped and was on her feet, running back toward her mate. She screamed out his name as she came within the distance she knew he would hear her, yanking almost painfully on the still present threads of white light that connected her with him and the others while, simultaneously feeding white light into Kohaku, trying to save him.
Inuyasha cursed, feeling the strong yank from Kagome. Sesshomaru had stood, hearing her voice, gasping when he felt the pull as well. He rushed to her, catching her up in his arm when he reached her.
"Kagome… Kagome, what is it? Is the child…"
"Rin…" She gasped out, clinging to him, shaking. "Kohaku… Is on the beach. His shard is gone. Rin is gone. They took her…"
His eyes darkened as he looked toward the lagoon. "Who took her?"
She shook her head. "I don't know… All I know is that she's gone and Kohaku… Kohaku is dying and I can't keep him alive much longer."
Miroku, Inuyasha, Kouga and Shippo were off toward the lagoon without a word from Sesshomaru. Shippo was ahead of the others, shifting into his nine tail's form without a second thought.
Sesshomaru held Kagome tighter to him. "Go… Go and find her." She whispered to him. He looked down and frowned deeply. "I am safe in the palace walls. She's our daughter. Go and help them."
He nodded faintly and then, begrudgingly released her and raced toward the lagoon. She sat and watched him go, trembling. She placed her hands on her slowly growing belly, caressing gently. "How can I choose between my children? Was Miyoko right? I don't understand…"
"You don't have to understand." The voice was familiar and, somehow, not familiar. She raised her eyes and met deep azure pools, identical to her own. The man was encircled in white light and vaguely translucent. She trembled and he smiled faintly. "Do you have faith in yourself?"
She nodded, shuddering a bit more. "You are…"
"Of no consequence. Yet." He reached out and touched her with his shimmering fingertips. She felt like sparking pulses came with the feathery touch. "I always wondered what they meant… When they said you were pure and still so very, very strong. I never got to see this part of you. I see it now. They were right. You have always been beautiful, but you shimmer now. You are like the starlight…" He let his hand fall and sighed. "If you have faith in yourself… In your love… In fate, you will make the correct choice. And it isn't a choice at all, really. It is instinct. It is guttural. It is innate. Those are not choices, really, so much as action based upon true knowledge. Know yourself. Know your mate. Know your enemy. Know your path."
"I cannot lose a child…" She choked out, tears slipping down her cheeks.
"I can't tell you what will happen. That isn't my place." He smiled faintly. It was a small smile. A gentle curling of his lips that was so very familiar even framed in long, ebony tresses. "I was told once by two very intelligent men that if I didn't have something to fight for, then I had nothing at all. One very intelligent woman told me… Well, she has told me a lot of things, but the most important was this…" He looked up and again met midnight blue with midnight blue. "The mind can be clouded. The heart can be torn. The spirit can be broken but the soul… The soul always knows its true direction. Its true destination. Because it is led by the divine."
She felt a wave of panic as his form began to fade. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do…"
"I can't do that." He said softly, with a hint of regret. "But if I am here, speaking to you, then you must already know. Trust yourself. Trust him. Trust me."
She trembled as he vanished from her gaze. She saw Sango and Kaede rushing toward her from the palace. Breathlessly they knelt beside her. "Rin has been taken." She whispered. She already knew by whom. She knew why. She simply knew and she trusted her knowledge.
Sango frowned, and then raised her gaze as the men approached carrying a broken body. Her breath caught and she felt the heat of her tears. "Kohaku…"
"Don't be afraid, Sango." She whispered and stood, walking toward Miroku who held the badly broken boy in his arms. He was barely breathing. The only thing that kept him was the light she was pouring into his soul. "I won't let him die. Not so long as I have a choice." She pressed her lips to the boy's brow and channeled white, divine energy laced with her miko powers into Kohaku, healing him and revitalizing his soul at once. He would need life energy forever. His soul would leave him and he would die if she could not continue giving him energy, but for now… For the time present, she could keep him alive.
The boy's eyes fluttered open and he gasped, tearing way from Miroku's arms. He crouched back, several yards away, checking his back and arms, the looked toward Kagome. His gaze softened, then filled with guilt. "They came… Out of the water. Golems made of clay. Like Kikyo was… There were too many. So many. They took Rin. They… They took the jewel…"
Sesshomaru growled and looked to where Shippo was pacing in his human form. "That was why there was no scent. Only earth and sand."
Kagome looked down at her hands, and then touched her abdomen gently. She fought back her fear and shook her head. "He won't kill her." She breathed. "He needs her."
"How can you know that, Kagome?" Kouga asked softly, frowning as he studied the miko intensely.
She did not look up. She closed her eyes and reached out, sending a surge of light with her. As she moved past the palace walls and continued her search, she masked her energies and traveled through the very earth and systems of roots, vines and living things. She found him. To the North. He could sense everyone on one level or another. Rin was not yet present. She was nearly there, held in a barrier, being carried beneath the waters until the golems could reach the rest of Naraku's men. She opened her eyes as the light faded, shifting the midnight blue to a pale crystal. "He has employed Enju in creating the golems. He never intended to follow through with the agreement he made with you, Kouga. He always intended to have incentive. Now he has two pieces of that… He has Rin and he has Ayame and now one more fragment of the jewel."
"We have to attack him." Came her son's voice. She sighed and walked over to Shippo. He shook his head at first, refusing to stop pacing. She grabbed his hand and he paused, curling his fingers around her small, slender hand.
"No. He'll kill her, Shippo. He'll kill them both for spite and in the cruelest way possible. As of now, they are valuable alive and unharmed. He gains nothing by tormenting them or endangering their safety. As of now, Ayame has been locked away for several weeks and has been fed and taken care of. I doubt he would harm Rin either. He'll take care of her."
"Momma…" He whispered and finally met her eyes. "What is going to happen?"
She smiled faintly. "You're all grown up and you still turn into a little boy sometimes." She sighed and reached up, pushing his unruly curls away from his brow. "We'll do what needs to be done. Naraku intends to trade one beloved and a daughter for another beloved and a son. The plan was kept from Kohaku for a reason, but my learning about it and reacting so badly in front of him while his jewel was still connected to Naraku probably set his plans in motion much sooner than he had intended originally."
"There is little time." Her mate said softly and she turned her gaze to meet his.
"No, there isn't." She murmured and felt a tear course down her cheek. "Do you trust me, Sesshomaru?"
"Kagome…"
"No. No rationalizations. Simply an answer. The truth. Do you trust me? With myself. My own life… And the life of our son. Do you trust me?"
He faltered but, to his credit, he did not look away. "I trust you completely… But I do not trust Naraku completely. He is unpredictable."
"So am I, Sesshomaru." She walked to him and caressed the markings on his cheek and neck with reverence. He looked down at her tenderly, his arm wrapping around her waist. "But you know my heart and so you trust me. The mind can be clouded. The heart can be torn. The spirit can be broken, but the soul always knows its true direction." She leaned up on tiptoe, kissing him deeply, feeling his arm tighten around her even more. She pulled back from the kiss just enough to speak. "Your soul will always know the direction of mine as I will always know the direction of yours. Trust me, Love. Have faith in me and do not flinch. Trust me."
"Always." He whispered, kissing her again, gently, taking comfort in her contact and words. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt broken. Rin was gone. Though he did not show his distress, he knew she could feel it. He trembled as he felt soft energy coming from her. He frowned and pulled back from their kiss, watching as she became engulfed in white. "Kagome… No, don't!"
"Trust me, Love. Please trust me." She breathed as her form took on more light. The brightness made everyone step back except Sesshomaru and Inuyasha. They watched as the form of Kagome shimmered and then, in a great burst of energy, disbursed and was gone.
"Where… Where is she?" Came the soft, tearful voice of Sango where she was holding onto her brother.
Sesshomaru approached where Kagome had been standing along with Inuyasha. The brothers met their golden pools in understanding. "We need to move quickly. Sango… You and Kouga go with Kirara. I need you to gather as many of my soldiers as you can from the out skirting towns and villages along with anyone else who is willing to fight for us. Send them North. Kouga knows the way."
"But where is she? Where did she go?" Came her question again.
"She's gone to divert him. To divert Naraku." Inuyasha said softly, closing his eyes. "We have to trust her. For once we have to trust her to take care of herself and her son. She's…"
"She's strong." The Western Taiyoukai said gently, almost to reassure himself. "She is our center. She holds us and gives us a reason to keep fighting. It is strength without having to be strong. We must trust her and do what needs to be done… Now."
As they went to their own separate tasks, far to the North, a raven-haired woman began her slow walk up a desolate path to a castle fort built into a craggy hill. Her steps were sure even though she was afraid. Her hand rested over her belly protectively as her deep blue gaze studied the man who stood waiting for her, ominously, only a few hundred yards ahead. His black hair fell long to his elbows in unkempt curls and his ruby eyes pierced her very spirit with his intent. She was terrified, but still, she walked forward.
"Kagome, miko of the Shikon no Tama… I did not expect you without the wolf." Came his sickening voice across the slowly closing expanse between them.
"Both you and I know that neither of us do what the other expects. And we both know that you never believed in Kouga's rouse, otherwise you wouldn't have kidnapped Ayame or Rin. I think that we need to stop playing games, Naraku."
He smiled darkly as she came within only a few yards of him. He admired her suddenly. Perhaps he would have to retain more of her spirit than he had originally intended for his ultimate end. "Yes, Kagome. I believe that the time for games is over now."
(So, yeah, not my favorite chapter. I doubt anyone will disagree with me. It didn't want to be written. I fought it tooth an nail. I won. Sort of. It could be better. I don't like it. Oh well. …Sigh… In any case, thank Goddess for Vienna Teng. She's my muse right now. Her music rocks. Without her, I wouldn't have been able to write this at all. I wanted to thank ChaoticReverie, Ladywyrm and mia1837 for their sweet words and compliments. I've learned that I'm kind of a review slut. They make me happy and encourage me to keep going. And they make me just giddy with euphoria, so more please. Lots more. More makes Ivy a happy girl. Teehee. In any case, I hope you all enjoy. Peace.)