I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine. Never will be.
The Leaves of Memory
(From "Haunted Houses")
… … … … …
The stranger at my fireside cannot see
The forms I see, nor hear the sounds I hear;
He but perceives what is; while unto me
All that has been is visible and clear.
… … … … …
The spirit-world around this world of sense
Floats like an atmosphere, and everywhere
Wafts through these earthly mists and vapors dense
A vital breath of more ethereal air.
Our little lives are kept in equipoise
By opposite attractions and desires;
The struggle of the instinct that enjoys,
And the more noble instinct that aspires.
… … … … …
And as the moon from some dark gate of cloud
Throws o'er the sea a floating bridge of light,
Across whose trembling planks our fancies crowd
Into the realm of mystery and night,--
So from the world of spirits there descends
A bridge of light, connecting it with this,
O'er whose unsteady floor, that sways and bends,
Wander our thoughts above the dark abyss.
Longfellow
She sighed and sat back in the heated spring and allowed her muscles to relax finally. They had returned to the palace long enough for everyone to rest, recover and mourn. Kouga had refused to relinquish Ayame's body until he had cleaned her and wrapped her in silks. She was taken and prepared for cremation while the wolf youkai returned to his room. Kagome had never seen him so lost and utterly without purpose.
"I wish that I could help him." She murmured and sighed as her mate gently pulled her into his lap. She curled against him and melted a bit more. "I wish there was a way."
"He is a wolf, Kagome. They mate for life."
"But he never claimed her and really mated himself to her." She replied and sighed as he worked his fingers through her hair, beginning to wash it.
"Perhaps not physically, but his heart had as mine had from the evening that you experienced my memories." He murmured and looked down as her fingertips touched where his arm had been. "Does it bother you?" He asked with worry in his voice.
She smiled and looked up to meet his eyes, her own sparkling with love. "No, not at all… But I wonder… If with the jewel, I could return it to you."
"Love, we know that you cannot heal youkai with your miko powers. It is a miracle that you are even able to carry my children." He said, fighting back the flickers of hope that were touching his mind.
"But the jewel is the culmination of both powers. Youkai and miko. Perhaps it could help me regenerate your arm."
"We need to find Miyoko, Love." He said. His voice was full of apprehension and worry.
She frowned and looked up, meeting his gaze. "You're afraid, aren't you?"
"I… I am not afraid."
"You are. You're afraid that if you hope too much, you're going to be disappointed. You know that we need a few days to recuperate before we can even begin to think about confronting your mother about your sister. I've almost regained most of my power. There's enough time to try. The only reason you might be hesitant is because you're afraid that you will be let down."
"Kagome…" He sighed and shook his head faintly. "In the room adjacent to this our son sleeps cleaned and fed and peaceful, free of fear of Naraku for the rest of his life. Rin is safe and recuperating and under Sango's care. Miroku has had his curse lifted. My mate is in my arms, healthy and in one piece and the jewel is protected. I am so at peace now, the only thing that could make me any happier would be to have my sister back in my life, and Kami be kind, in a few days that might be true. I do not want to test my luck and karma by having you regenerate my arm which I lost to my own carelessness."
"Because you are afraid." She breathed, her eyes dancing faintly with light.
He sighed and shook his head, smiling crookedly. "Because I do not deserve this much happiness. I am not a good man, Kagome. My soul is as black as yours is full of light."
"That isn't true." She whispered and captured his lips, kissing him deeply. His arm tightened around her hips, pulling her closer. She pulled away and kissed along his jaw, clinging to him tightly. "You love me. You love our son and you love Rin and Miyoko. If you were so evil, you couldn't love so deeply."
"I have nearly killed you and my brother several times… And… I feel guilty for it and for the state it seems my sister is in. I do not know why my mother took her from me, but it is my place to protect her. It has always been and she… She is human."
She frowned deeply and pulled back, meeting his eyes. "What's wrong with being human?"
He sighed and shook his head. "There is nothing wrong with being human, it is simply not what she is. It is not what I am. Or Inuyasha. We are youkai. He is hanyou. Our son is hanyou, which, by the way, we need to name him."
"You're diverting me."
"I am trying to."
"You should know by now that I'm way too single minded for that, Love. So tell me… How does being human change who Miyoko is? If I were youkai, would it make me better or less than who I am now?"
"He needs a name."
"Answer me."
He growled faintly and looked away from her. "It would make things easier."
She slipped off his lap and he looked up in disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that." She murmured, slipping to the other side of the spring.
He studied her and, for a moment, resembled more a scolded puppy than a man. "Kagome… I only mean that our lives, the acceptance of our son, would be an easier matter. Not that I would prefer you as a youkai."
"But would it matter? Would it matter what I was at all? Would I be less or more or the same?" She asked. Her voice was chilly but hurt.
He sighed and moved across to her, caressing her cheek. She looked away. "You would still be my Kagome. I would still love you. I wouldn't care and it wouldn't have mattered and it wouldn't matter… But if you were not human… If you were not a miko, you couldn't have shared my memories through your power. I would still be alone no matter how much we loved each other. In that respect, I would not want you to be other than human."
"Then why should it matter how we find Miyoko?" She asked as she looked up and met his deep amber pools. She reached out and traced his markings tenderly. "Why does it bother you?"
He smirked and leaned to kiss her gently, smiling as she returned his kiss and slipped her arms around him. He pulled her into his lap again, caressing her tenderly. "You are a vision of innocence until you play such devious games, pretty mate… And it only bothers me because I fear losing her. I cannot take her into eternity the way I can you."
She smiled sadly and nodded, curling tighter against him, caressing his chest. "I want to name him Sesshomaru." She breathed and heard the low rumble of amusement in his chest.
"Do you not think that it will be confusing?" He asked with mirth in his voice.
"No. Not in the slightest." She replied and hugged him, kissing his neck.
"You realize that it will be the third generation to carry the name as he will be the third generation to be Western Taiyoukai."
She nodded. "I think it is fitting."
"Then he will be called Sesshomaru." He smiled softly and kissed the crown of her head. After several moments of heavy silence he caressed her arm. "You aren't going to give up, are you, pretty mate?"
"Not until you let me try, Love." She murmured and laughed as he tickled her side a little. She looked up and met his eyes. "Please… You might not think you deserve it. You might think it will eat up all your karma, but we both know it doesn't work like that. Please, let me try."
He sighed heavily and growled. "I will let you try. But only once. If you fail, you must let go of your folly, do you understand? And it will not be spoken of. I have worked for years to prove that I am as strong without my arm as I ever was with it."
"So serious."
"It is serious business."
"I know, but you also know that I am nearly always anything but serious." She said and smiled, looking up at him with victorious eyes.
"Do not be so proud of yourself, Kagome." He said, fighting a smile.
"I have every reason to be proud of myself, Sesshou. Do you want a list of the reasons?"
"What about the main reason?" He replied, nipping her lips.
"I'm happy." She whispered and found amusement in the confusion in his eyes. "I have been happy to a point before, but this is the first time in a very long time that there isn't anything that's so terrible I felt helpless. I am worried about Kouga and am mourning Ayame and Miyoko is heavy on my mind, but there will always be things like that. It's life. But taken on a whole, all of the good outweighs the bad and I'm happy. I'm a peace. And I'm proud that I can say that, for the first time in years, I'm not afraid of what will come. I'm looking forward to it, whatever it is."
He smiled and rested his brow against hers, allowing their auras to flare and blend. "Let's finish bathing and you may try your little experiment. Afterward, I would like to join our son in his nap along with his mother. Our bed is far too cold without us."
"Poor bed."
"Yes, pity the bed." He chuckled and kissed her before returning to washing.
Once they had finished and had dressed, he led her back into their rooms where, on the bed, their infant son was wrapped in the warm and protective embrace of Mokomokosama. The tiny hanyou was dressed in his father's colors and wrapped in a soft blanket. Tiny snores could be heard from where he was nestled in the furry extension of his father's beast. On his brow was the faint magenta star that had formed once Sesshomaru had claimed him. Had Inu no Taisho lived; he would have done the same for Inuyasha, curtailing his son's beast without the need for Tessaiga. By placing the mark of family on his son and blending a portion of his aura with his son, he had ensured that the boy never needed to fear his own beast and the damage a loss of control could mean. Kagome reached out to where her son slept and caressed his cheek before retrieving the Shikon no Tama from beside the slumbering infant. His aura was a blending of sacred miko power, youkai energy and the divine white power that Kagome possessed and so did not threaten the jewel's purity. In fact, the child ensured it.
She sat beside her mate and pushed back his haori that was only partially pulled together after their bath to expose his shoulder and where his arm should have been. She caressed the stump and felt him tremble faintly before he looked away. She sighed and held the jewel in one hand as she began to channel her healing power through it and back to her hand where she touched his naked skin. Her hand felt on fire, but she fought to ignore the pain as she noticed the beginnings of his regeneration. He growled, sensing her pain, but did not try to stop her as he felt flesh begin to replace the phantom limb he had possessed since his arm had been taken from him. She pressed her eyes closed and continued to channel energy until she was completely drained. As she fell back, she felt herself caught by Sesshomaru. He pulled her into his arms, caressing her face fervently while his right arm cradled her. She opened her eyes half way and smiled, meeting his eyes and taking his newly regenerated hand with her own, kissing each finger and finally his palm fervently.
"Don't think it was such a waste of time…" She murmured and sighed as he leaned and kissed her deeply before pulling her further onto the bed. He curled around behind her after nestling her beside their son who she curled around as well. Mokomokosama uncurled from the infant so his mother could pull him against her. The child woke and cooed, curling his fingers into her ebony strands that fell in reach of his tiny hands. Kagome smiled as both of her lover's arms wrapped around her tightly.
"I love you." He breathed and held them both tightly as he felt her relax and begin to fade into sleep.
"Love you…" She breathed, drifting off to sleep. He smiled and breathed both his son and mate in deeply.
Further away, down several corridors, Rin had finally drifted off into a peaceful slumber. Kaede sat near her bed beside Sango. She gently gripped the young woman's hand. "I can watch her, child. Go and find Miroku."
"Kaede, I'm fine, really."
"Ye know that he was afraid, do ye not? Afraid that Naraku would not be defeated and ye would be damned to watch any child he gave to ye die, as its father would be doomed to. He loves ye, Sango."
Sango smiled sadly. "You've been watching us rather closely, Kaede."
"What else am I to do? I am an old woman, Sango. I have little else to do but watch those younger than me and meddle in their affairs. Give an old woman her joys."
"I know he loves me. I know he wants me and to be with me, but… Kaede…"
"Ye were certain and now ye are afraid. Your courage was sapped in the battle with Naraku."
"Essentially."
"Do ye love him, Sango?"
She smiled faintly. "He's my whole heart." She murmured, echoing her words that she had said to Sesshomaru as Miroku had been dying in her arms. "I can't imagine a single moment without him in my heart, let alone a lifetime."
"Then your fear does not matter. It will pass when ye finally give in to your heart. When ye give in to him."
She sighed and leaned her head against Kaede's shoulder. The ancient miko smiled. "How did you get so wise?"
"I am very old, after all… But also, there are things ye do not know. Kami did not bless me with a family, but for one beautiful, brief summer, I understood love and knew it well. Sometime, after ye have found your way with Miroku, I will tell ye the story. But for now, child, there is a very lonely monk waiting for ye in your chambers."
Sango nodded and smiled. She stood and looked back to Kaede. "Thank you… For everything."
Kaede smiled and nodded and watched as the young woman left Rin's chambers and walked to her own room.
Sango slid open the door to her room to find Miroku standing by the window looking out on the gardens. He had discarded his prayer beads and staff nearby and his hands were resting on the sill. He smiled but did not look back to where he knew Sango was standing. "I was wondering when you would come back."
She smiled and walked toward him, joining him at the window. He slipped his arm around her waist and relaxed as he felt her lean into his embrace. "What happens now?" She asked softly and felt his grip tighten.
"I was considering that we get started on that child I kept asking you to carry… But then I thought perhaps you would want to wait until we were properly wed."
She laughed and shook her head, then met his deep indigo eyes. "You never change."
"You wouldn't ever want me to." He smiled wickedly and leaned to capture her lips, kissing her deeply. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed into his embrace. Slowly he drew back and held her tightly against him, whispering into her ear. "I want this to be right for you. For us. We've both lost so much. We risk losing more."
"You sound as terrified as I am."
"I think I am." He breathed and pressed his lips into her neck gently.
She turned her head and kissed his cheek gently, then found his lips and kissed him tenderly. "I can't remember when I fell in love with you. It feels like I always have… And always will. Maybe that's why we're both so afraid. We have so much to lose… We could wait to be wed, but… Miroku, the vows would be the rest of the world. We're already one."
He chuckled and swept her up into his arms, carrying her to the bed. She blushed deeply and met his gaze, caressing his jaw. "What do you see?" He asked, standing beside the bed, holding her tighter in his arms.
"Forever… Promise me, Miroku… That we'll always find each other from one lifetime to the next."
"That's a very large promise."
She blushed and brushed her lips across his. "We helped to destroy Naraku. You survived a curse and I survived watching my whole family taken from me. Kohaku was returned to me, but we can never know for how long. If we can survive all of that… If we can manage to hold on to each other in the face of all of that… How daunting is finding each other again from one lifetime to the next?"
He laughed and laid her back onto the bed, slipping beside her as he began to undress her slowly. "You have a point…" He met her eyes and pressed his brow to hers. "I promise you, Sango, that every lifetime from this until we both reach nirvana, that I will find you and love you and remain by your side until death takes us."
"There could be no better vow." She whispered, and then sighed as he kissed her deeply. She returned his kiss as readily and in anticipation of everything that was to come.
He walked into the garden. His blue eyes were haunted and lost. He had never felt so alone. He perched onto a stone bench and cradled his face in his hands. He smelt the hanyou as he approached. "I don't want comfort."
"Keh." He crouched in front of Kouga and smirked when the wolf raised his eyes from his hands, meeting Inuyasha's gaze. "Too bad, you're getting it."
"What do you want, mutt? You getting some sick kick out of this?"
"Kouga, just stop a minute and listen to me. I ain't happy you're hurting. I ain't feeling sorry for you either. But… Out of everybody in this whole damned place, I probably understand what you're going through the best."
"How do you figure?"
"You're smarter than that, Kouga." He replied and stood only to sit next to the wolf. He looked up toward the palace. "Naraku took someone from both of us. Kagome's so damned full of hope. She's all light and joy and… She can't understand. When you lose someone in such a terrible way, part of you dies forever. I can't tell you that it's gonna get better, cause it sure as hell hasn't for me… But you ain't alone, Kouga. You ain't by yourself with this pain." He turned and smirked as he saw the befuddled look on the wolf's face. "We ain't ever been very good friends, I know. Most of the time we try to kill each other before we think about why… Kagome ain't there to fight over now. Not for either of us. We might never be friends, but we can at least watch each other's backs now."
"When did you grow up, Inuyasha?" Kouga asked softly, smiling faintly.
"When did you?" The brash hanyou asked, receiving a full smile from the wolf youkai.
He looked away and shook his head. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Their swords clashed with a violent clang where steel met steel. Even a couple of heads shorter than him, Kohaku was holding his own against Shippo as they battled. It was supposed to be practice. They kept telling themselves that it was supposed to be practice. However, as swords continue to come together sharply again and again, they knew very well that they were not practicing. If one of them did not yield soon, someone was going to get hurt.
Kohaku jumped back and flipped away, readying himself for the kitsune to strike. Shippo held back, studying his opponent, beginning to circle him. "Come on. You getting tired of rushing me or something?"
Shippo smiled faintly. He wasn't using any of his tricks on the boy. Only a few months before, they had been playmates. Kohaku knew all of his tricks and how to evade them if necessary. So the kitsune used the new skills Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had taught him with the sword. One of them was patience. Patience and study. The boy was taught to hunt youkai. Taught to kill them. Shippo would not make it that easy for him.
Not when whom they were fighting over was Rin. It had begun as practice and then Kohaku had made his statement that, once he and Rin were old enough, they would go to live in the slayers town and rebuild it with Miroku and Sango and their children. Shippo hadn't taken it well and, with one misplaced cut along the boy's arm, had put the whole sparing match into question.
After a moment, Shippo found his opening and, with the speed of the nine tailed power he wielded, he slipped behind the boy and hit his back with the flat of his blade, causing Kohaku to fall and drop his sword. Shippo smirked and sheathed his weapon. "Actually, I'm very tired of this game."
Kohaku sneered and picked up his sword only to sheath it as well. He didn't look back at Shippo. Bile was rising in his throat. "She isn't yours, you know."
"She isn't yours either. You shouldn't be making plans for her before she's even old enough to decide to leave her father."
Kohaku smirked and turned his cocksure gaze onto Shippo. The years had changed him. They had made him stronger and his grief had made him colder. Along side Sesshomaru, the boy had learned the meaning of self-restraint and, in many ways, resembled the Taiyoukai on an emotional and spiritual level. "She loves me."
Shippo winced and scowled. "She's too young to know what love is. You know that as well as I do."
"Time will settle that."
"A lot of things will settle that. Don't think I'm folding just because you say you think she loves you."
"You're going against your nature, Shippo." Kohaku said as his features became grave. "Kitsune don't mate for life. She deserves someone who can love her for the rest of her life. You'll hurt her."
"I won't hurt her." He said through gritted teeth. "And you don't know me at all."
"But I know what you are. We all know what you are. Even she does. It isn't bad or wrong or evil, Shippo. But what you keep saying you want isn't who you are. It isn't in your nature. She could easily be your companion and friend, but to be devoted as a mate and lover to her is beyond your capabilities. Your nature will endanger her happiness. And you fighting your nature will make you bitter if you try and that will make her unhappy. Can't you see past your short sighted needs to understand that?"
He snarled and ran his fingers through his unruly curls. "Just shut up. The fact is, you shouldn't choose for her. Neither should I. If she wants you, I won't stop her, but you shouldn't try to stop her if she wants me in time."
Kohaku frowned deeply. "You don't give up."
"Inuyasha and Kagome helped raise me." He replied in a faintly amused tone. "I come by it honestly."
The boy shook his head and watched as the kitsune shifted and ran off into the wooded area of the palace, no doubt to leave and run the forests for a while. Kohaku looked back toward the palace and sighed. Time would tell what might happen. Patience would ensure his desires would come true.
Her eyes fell on the water where the sun was falling down. In the middle of the lagoon, salt and fresh waters churned and created a visible barrier on the glassy surface of the water, colored from its normal blue and green with the orange light from the ebbing day.
Slowly she walked out into the water, her clothing having been shed on the bank a few steps behind. She knelt in the fresh water and sighed in pleasure. Her time was coming to an end and she could think of no more beautiful end than looking out over the ocean at sunset.
Enju smiled and whispered to the sea. "From earth I was melded and reborn and to the earth I will return. The ocean will take me out and further into places I never saw in life or unlife. Kikyo, I know you are at peace now. Even in your end, I wondered what became of you. It was the fear of what might happen to me that held me back and allowed me to continue taking souls in order to survive. But I do not want to survive any longer. I want to live. The only way to do so is to let go of this existence and move on. I do not know what will become of me, but I know that Kami will mold me and reshape me and I will have what I always craved. Life. My own. And a place I can once again belong. I will not say goodbye, for there is no one to say goodbye to not already gone. And from here I can be near those who spared me even though I caused such harm. I will pray for their peace."
She sighed and freed her soul from her clay form. As her soul departed from her quickly disintegrating body, her eyes held the vision of the sun setting over the water and the line between the ocean and the river where two worlds danced like lovers in the waning light.