Chapter 14: Favorite Feeling
Time stood still, or at least it did for Dudley. The world around him kept on going but he was living in a world where everything had frozen over except himself and Draco.
He was abruptly shaken back into reality when the wheel slowed down and they had come down to ground level again. Not only reality came back to him but also the realization of what he had done.
He had for the first time ever acted on his feelings, for the first time ever he had done something of homosexual nature. He had thought it would feel weird doing something he knew would be frowned upon by many but in reality it had made him see, made him really accept that what he felt was right.
He had just had his first kiss, the first kiss that mattered anyhow, he shuddered remembering the first kiss he had ever received, it had been a disaster.
Why was he obligated to go to this stupid party again? The details that it was his first prom and if he didn´t go he would lose so much respect from his peers and that the respect was something he had worked so hard to gain was not something he even wanted to think about.
Also if he somehow had succeeded in slithering his way out his father would be deeply disappointed, and they couldn´t have that could they.
The worst part was not that he had to go, the worst part was who he had to go with. He hadn´t had someone and neither had Tracy so of course they were going together.
She knew it wasn´t a date, he had made that perfectly clear but having her hanging on his arm all night would be a nightmare. He had just put on the suit and pink tie his mother had laid out on his bed. Tracy had chosen to wear a pink glittery princess like dress that Dudley had wanted to puke over but instead had smiled and said "couldn´t have chosen anything better myself" his mother had been there at the moment so he had had to be on his best behavior.
So now when he stood at the mirror tying his tie he sighed, it was not okay for him to wear anything pink if it wasn´t to match a girls dress it seemed. Even though he was not friends with Callum anymore he had seen the guy buy his outfit, it was also pink and black, much more refined and not too much like Tracy´s. Dudley scowled at his reflection if he had not been so stubborn and afraid he could have gone with Callum instead, his clothes matched his as well, but of course that was not an option.
His mum was shouting from downstairs "Dudley honey, your beautiful date is here" he could almost hear how his mother was gushing over Tracy, it made him feel disgusted. He had also told his mother she wasn´t his date but of course she had chosen not to listen.
"Coming mum" he sighed again in despair, he had to pretend he enjoyed today, he was supposed to love this he told himself. He just hoped they would not be crowned prom king and queen. Tracy had of course made a big deal out of that and had held a campaign for them with statements like "vote for your couple next door", "beautiful and smart, here to win your heart" and worst of them all "for love and tradition".
They had actually had a fight about those posters, but in the end he could not say why he hated them so much and could not give any arguments why they were inappropriate, being cheesy was not good enough because Tracy had just countered with "but Dudders girls just looove cheesy". So he had nothing without risking giving his secret away so they had remained decorating the walls of the corridors in the school making him have to see them every day going to class for the last month or so. At least that would be over after tonight.
He finished making his way down the stairs and saw Tracy standing there beaming at Petunia who were giving her a necklace in form of a drop shaped glass pendant, that was of course pink, Dudley shook his head at that, could it become anymore stereotypical.
"Oh there you are, so handsome, do you have the corsage darling?" he handed the flower bracelet over to his mother who gave it to Tracy. "Dudley, it´s sooo beautiful" she said before coming over and hugging him, Dudley rolled his eyes and tensed in response. She had selected the corsage in the first place so why she was gushing over it now was beyond him.
His mother had gone and gotten a camera and shoed them up the stairs "give me big smiles now, you can do better Dudley" he plastered on a too big smile that he knew would please his mother. He couldn´t understand that they didn´t see that his smiles were empty, he had perfected his fake smiles but he was unable to make the emotion in his eyes to seem genuine, it didn´t seem to matter much though because his parents and Tracy never seemed to have picked up on that.
Maybe they had but didn´t want to acknowledge it or they just didn´t know him enough to be able to see through his façade. He was brought back from his contemplation by his mother "Dudley step up a step and then embrace Tracy, that would make such a beautiful picture."
Dudley reluctantly did as his mother said and stepped up with his big smile still plastered on his face, his arms sneaked around Tracy´s torso and she looked up at him with a small smile, Dudley would rather want to be anywhere else than there at the moment, but he would do what he had to do.
*DD*
"Prom king and queen is" their principal made a too long paus to make the anticipation grow "Dudley Dursley and Tracy McLaren." Crap, this day could not get much worse.
They made their way up to the small stage where they got their crowns and Tracy looked as if she was in heaven. Dudley tried to copy her expression, he hoped he was successful and that it looked like genuine excitement.
"OMG, this is a dream come true, you have no idea how much this means to me and my Dudley" he stiffened he wasn´t hers dammit "you will not regret voting for us, we are the perfect couple to represent love at this school." Dudley was stunned, what was she doing, they had not discussed what they would say if they won but she knew they were not a couple and even if he wanted to state something with an appearance he would not be okay with this.
Maybe it was because of the chock of her declaration to the school that he was not on guard and was not fast enough to escape the onslaught of the lips covered with pink lip-gloss that attacked him. Tracy kissed him soundly and looped her arms around his neck, her tongue violently making its way into his month.
He wanted nothing else then to throw her away and never look at her again. He shuddered in disgust, he felt nausea creep up his stomach, he was sure to puke any moment now. He shuddered, people around him awed thinking it was out of pleasure, if they just knew how wrong they were. He couldn´t stop Tracy though, that would make everyone wonder why and he couldn´t risk his secret to get out, at any costs.
In the corner of his eye he saw Callum looking at them with an expression of both pity and disappointment. This made Dudley feel worse, his life could have been so much better but his fate was already laid out in front of him and the only thing he had to do was pretend to be okay with it and do the best of the situation. One thing he didn´t have to do was to have a beard, he could pass as straight without one and he was not going to let Tracy make him hide behind more lies then he had to.
After the kiss ended he glared at Tracy and she just smirked back at him, he could not do anything other than go out and dance with her, it was tradition after all. He decided there and then though that his patience with her had run out, the consequences be damned, he would not talk to her after this night was over and that was final.
This kiss however was something else, he couldn´t even be angry at himself for kissing Draco, because he had wanted to and in the end that was good enough reason for doing it. And it had been amazing, he wanted to do it again. Their day had been even better than he had been able to fantasies about, in that moment he could really see the 2 of them sharing their life together, or at least that was what he wanted.
He felt his hands becoming clammy and knew that what he would see on Draco´s face could be something that would decide his future, would he see disgust or would he see contentment and happiness. He closed his eyes for a few seconds before lifting his head and looking at the other boy, he didn´t look either disgusted or content he looked confused and dazed for a few moments before his features was skillfully hidden behind a blank mask.
Dudley sighed, he had thought they had come over that hurdle, that they now where comfortable enough to show their true selves to each other. But admittedly he must have surprised Draco, he had surprised himself with how impulsive he had been, and by doing it in such a public area.
"We should get out" Dudley shook his head clearing it before he nodded. Draco had sounded as to being a mile away deep in thought, it seemed like for the moment they would pretend nothing had happened.
He stumbled out of the capsule after Draco before descending the stairs. They walked in silence, Dudley had already kissed him and that he hadn´t been punched or yelled at for his actions was making him feel bold.
He took a deep breath before he reached for Draco´s hand with his own. Draco faltered in the middle of the step he was taking but straightened his back and said nothing. That Draco had not snatched his hand back was all that mattered to Dudley though, they didn´t need to talk about it but the fact that he wasn´t right out rejected by the other boy meant so much.
He had never thought he would reach this day, the day he would feel comfortable enough with someone to be able to show that in an intimate way and for that person to be there matching his steps, showing the world that he could and was worth being happy.
He smiled but it was soon wiped off his face. "You think I didn´t see you, that kiss you shared up there in the London Eye, I wanted to puke" a guy was standing in front of them and he sneered nastily with that expression of disgust that Dudley had feared he would have seen on Draco´s face earlier.
Dudley looked down at the grown, he knew this was a possibility but he was not ready to face it yet, not now when his own insecurities was just starting to fade away at the edges.
He tried to take his hand out of Draco´s and was about to just keep going and look down in shame and ignore the homophobic person. That person made him feel very uneasy, he felt a guilty pain flare up in the pit of his stomach. That guy had been him, he had been someone LGBT people had had a reason to fear to encounter, he had said so much things he had never meant to people like himself. He had no right to reprimand the guy because he was just as guilty to make people feel bad for just being who they were and loving who they loved.
To his surprise however Draco didn´t let him take his hand away, he didn´t let go instead he tightened his grip and squeezed his hand as if trying to reassure him. Dudley was astonished and turned his head towards Draco looking at his face, what he saw made him even more dumbfounded. Draco looked angry but determent, he had that glint in his eyes that said to not mess with him.
Dudley felt hope, he had someone that could do what he was not strong enough to do himself, didn´t have the confidence to face up to yet. Draco was there to fight the battle for them, he was not alone in this and that made him feel so much better and encouraged in standing his ground.
Draco sneered at the man in front of them "I would puke too if I had to see your ugly mug kiss someone, but I can´t imagine that will happen anytime soon, I would never kiss you even for money" the guy was becoming red faced and in another situation Dudley would have found that amusing.
He had never seen Draco like this, he had such a fierce side to him, a side that made you feel beneath him, a side that made you feel like you would freeze from the inside and out if you looked too long into those steel colored eyes.
The guy glared before spitting on the ground "I wouldn´t kiss someone like you even if you were the last person alive" he seemed to have thought this was going to be an easy showdown and Draco´s fast wit was making him taking water over his head.
Draco was smirking at the guy "someone like me, you mean a human being?" Draco cocked his head as in deep thought "maybe a goat or a horse is more your style, that is a shame though because I have a strong belief that it would be illegal" Draco gave a nasty smile and the stranger was just gaping at him. "However I was more thinking in the lines of that you will not kiss a girl anytime soon as I can´t imagine anyone wanting to be near your sorry bigoted excuse of an arse."
Dudley wanted to laugh, Draco was good at this, he noted to himself it was a good idea to never make Draco angry, being on the other end of Draco´s insults must not be a fun experience. The guy seemed so angry that he was going to explode, his hands was made into fists and his knuckles had turned white.
"Your son of a bitch, your way of living should be fucking illegal" the guy took a few steps closer to them before he stopped seeming to think better of it, he was outnumbered after all.
Draco seemed satisfied and with another nasty smile and a glance at the guy that conveyed how insignificant he found him, as if he was not more important than a pile of dog poo. "You say another word and you will find a lawsuit on the grounds of harassment, discrimination of a minority as well as sexual assault."
The guy spluttered seeming hesitant but in the end closing his mouth biting his tongue and sending them a murderous stare.
Draco nodded as if pleased with his obedience and said nonchalantly "now get on your way, you are disturbing me and my boyfriend" Dudley didn´t even have time to react before Draco drew him in and started to kiss him in front of the guy who made a disgusted noise and hurried away as if having a firecracker stuffed up his arse.
Draco had called him his boyfriend, he could not believe it. Sure he had probably kissed him as much for the reason to piss that guy off as for the reason that he wanted to, but it didn´t matter what mattered was that Draco wanted him on some level.
This kiss was even better than the first one they had shared, this meant more to Dudley then he could even begin to describe. This feeling was better than anything he had ever felt before, this was his new favorite feeling, could it be love?
LOTB∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞DD∞DM∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞LOTB
Draco had just woke up, he was lying in bed and contemplating the last few weeks.
The boy lying with his head on his chest was snoring lightly, Draco smiled glancing at the sleeping boy while he drew one of his hands through Dudley´s hair which earned him a sigh for his efforts.
He had not planned what had happened that day in muggle London, he couldn't not react though not when he saw what that comment had done to Dudley. In the front of his eyes the boy had started to go into himself and give up on who he was to bigoted idiots, he had been on the edge of letting that idiot win and Draco just couldn´t stand there and watch that happen.
He sniggered, of course he loved getting under peoples skin as well, even more so when they deserved to be put in their place.
Dudley said something incomprehensible in his sleep and Draco felt him drooling a little on his chest. To his surprise he didn´t feel disgusted at that aspect he just smiled and started to massage Dudley´s scalp.
He chuckled at the thought of what people he had known before the war would say if they saw him now, even better what his family would say to him lying in bed snuggled up to a muggle boy like nothing was the matter in the world. If someone would have told him just a few months ago that he Draco Malfoy would be lying there smiling at a muggle drooling at his chest, his naked chest, he would have laughed sarcastically and hexed the person into next week.
Things had changed, he had changed and he was glad for that prospect. He was on his way to becoming a better version of the old Draco, he had learned so much from the boy cuddling up to him. He had so much to be thankful for, Dudley had done more for him then he would probably ever even understand.
Declaring that they were boyfriends had come out of the blue, he had been surprised himself as he said it but had not taken it back after it had occurred. They had gone from not really friends to something more in a matter of hours but somehow it didn´t felt rushed or weird it just felt right and natural.
He had never been in a relationship before so to getting his feet wet with Dudley was really the perfect arrangement, it would prepare him to when it was time to get Harry to become his someone. His plan was still in motion, the way there had just been slightly rearranged.
He liked Dudley, of course he did otherwise he would not lay in bed with him at the moment. He had fun with the guy, Dudley made something blossom inside him and he felt warmer and brighter from the inside when he was around. He could not have wished for a better first boyfriend.
He was certain however that he had not fallen in love with the muggle boy, it was simply because he had been the first person that had shown interest in him in a long time, that he had been there for him and that they had so much in common that he felt so good around the bloke.
He hoped and believed that even after they had broken up and he had snatched up Harry they would remain friends. He had a future in mind for himself and in that future Dudley had started to take both a prominent and permanent place, he would be deeply saddened if that would not be the case.
He guessed only time could tell though and if his relationship with Dudley would be the price he had to pay for getting what he wanted he would survive. He nodded to himself, he had survived worse.
He had convinced himself over the last few weeks that the romantic and intimate relationship he and Dudley was sharing at the moment was not that serious and that it was just a bit of fun. A bit of fun that made him feel good and happier then he could remember ever feeling before so why should he not keep doing what made him feel so delirious and full of life.
It was time to start thinking on how to get closer to Potter though, however happy and content he was right now he had a future to think about.
He looked at Dudley again and smiled without even thinking about it, he had found himself smiling here and there without reason several times through the last handful of days but had not stopped to think deeper as to why.
He slowly disentangled himself from the arms that was hugging his torso, it was his turn to make them breakfast. Before leaving the room he bent down and kissed Dudley on the forehead, he felt quite lucky at the moment but he had an uneasy feeling that it was about to change before he even knew what had come upon them.