First of all, I just wanted to thank everyone who is following this story! I can't believe I've got over 100 reviews, when I posted the first chapter, I thought I'd get about 4. And I want you all to know that I read each and every one of them.
As for the story, I just want to prepare you guys for a change in the way I structure the chapters coming. So far, they've all had a very stable format and have been following canon, but after the next chapter, that's going to begin to change and will be moving further away from canon. It's not bad though – I'm going to spend several chapters on The Age of Innocence play, which I'm sure you dairlings will be happy to hear. Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and the next one is going to be what the first eight chapters have been building towards and a turning point for the rest of the story! I can't wait to share it with all of you and hope it doesn't disappoint.
"I knew it was only a matter of time till you came crawling back." Shapiro said as soon as Dan walked through his door, looking smug as usual.
"I'm here to ask for your help." Dan stated as he took the seat opposite him. Shapiro raised an eyebrow at Dan's forwardness. He saw that Dan was different from not only the way he had invited himself in and cut to the chase, but the confidence with which he was carrying himself.
"Of course you need my help, I'm the only one who's been able to get anything publishable out of-"
"And that's why I need your help." Dan unapologetically interjected. "I need to stop the story from getting published. I know I signed a contract but you must know of some way that…."
Dan trailed off as Shapiro started to chuckle. He paused and waited for the insult he knew was coming.
"I'm sorry, this is just too good." Shapiro explained between throaty scoffs. "All that work, all that manipulation and betrayal and now you can't go through with it. I should have known you didn't have it in you."
"Well, I did have it in me." Dan replied. "And now, it turns out I have I not only have the balls the write that story in the first place, but to put a stop to it too."
"Harris was right to cut you loose." Shapiro turned bitter, it wasn't funny to him anymore. "You'll always be second-rate."
"Maybe. But I have an idea for a new story, it's about an ego-maniacal, washed up writer who manipulates his protégé. It's a classic tale of disillusionment." Dan countered before he strode away confidently.
The last time he had walked out of his office, Dan had known there was no going back because of the way that he had talked to Shapiro. Now Dan knew that there was no going back, because he'd never want that man's input ever again.
"How'd it go?" Vanessa asked Dan once he got back to the loft. She was on one of the stools, leaning over one of the handwritten chapters that Dan had given her.
"Yeah, did he know a way to stop New York Magazine from publishing the story on Blair?" Jenny added as she emerged down the hallway.
"If he does know a way he's not going to tell me and you told Jenny?" Dan replied, turning to Vanessa as he finished.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Jenny replied accusingly.
"Well, in my defence, I've barely seen you in the last few months. Not to mention that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone." Dan told her, not sounding apologetic, but annoyed.
"Dan, what does this word say? Fruit?" Vanessa asked, pointing at his scribbled writing.
"Street." Dan replied with a huff. "You thought the sentence was 'as I walked down the bustling fruit'?"
"Okay, calm down." Vanessa replied, quickly bowing her head down to continue reading.
"I think Dan's just a bit stressed right now." Jenny said quietly as she leaned on the counter next to Vanessa.
"A bit stressed?!" Dan repeated disbelievingly. "I have got exactly four days to figure out how to stop the Blair story from being published and if I don't, not only will she hate me, but probably Nate and Serena too. Not to mention the fact that I'll go to the top of Chuck Bass's enemies list, Blair's minions will probably…lynch me! And Blair! It'll….it'll hurt her."
"We get that this is a big deal." Vanessa said soothingly. "What can we do to help?"
"Nothing, I got to…figure this out on my own." Dan replied as he ran a hand through his hair. "If Shapiro's not going to help, then I've got to go see the next person on my list."
"Wait, where are you going?" Jenny asked, stopping Dan as he got to the door.
"To Blair's." Dan replied, offering no more explanation before he was gone.
He knew she wouldn't be there, because she was on Gossip Girl's spotted map with Serena at Bergdorf's, but he was still scared he might run into her and he'd have to make up a reason why he was in her home. Improvising had never been his strong suit. But the penthouse seemed empty, he headed to dining room, where he found Cyrus, still in a robe, eating a croissant and reading the paper.
"Hi." Dan said nervously.
"Oh, hello. Are you a friend of Blair's?" Cyrus replied cheerfully.
"Uh, I guess you could say that."
"Well, come sit down. She's not here, but you're welcome to wait. Croissant?" He chattered continuously, holding a basket of croissants out to Dan as he took a seat.
"Uh, no thanks. And I'm not here to see Blair, I actually need to talk to you. I need some legal help."
"Well, talk, I'll see what you I can do."
"Okay, but before I start, I need to tell you that…I know you're probably not going to like what I have to say very much, at least not to start with, but before you get angry, I want you to know that I really care about Blair and what I'm doing now, I'm doing for her." Dan explained slowly, desperately trying to convey how much he needed Cyrus's help.
"She's not in trouble is she?" Cyrus asked concerned.
"No, no, it's nothing like that. What happened is…I really want to be a writer and one of the stories that I wrote is about Blair. It had a lot of personal things in there and she doesn't know that I've been writing it, I-I never told her. I know that I should have, and I will, but…not until I've taken care of…well, what happened next is, I got a chance to get these stories published and I didn't really feel like I could say no, I just…I wanted it so badly. I signed a contract, but now that I've had time to think about it….I will do whatever it takes to stop this story from coming out." Dan looked Cyrus in the eye, who had bits of croissant round his mouth, hoping this man would help him.
"Well…do you have the contract with you?" He replied, leaving Dan still nervous about how he was going to react.
"Yeah, I brought it with me." Dan said as he pulled his copy of the contract out of his messenger bag.
"I will certainly take a look at this and see what can be done." Cyrus spoke unenthusiastically and Dan knew that there probably wasn't a chance that he could help.
"I appreciate it." Dan sighed, feeling defeat bearing down on him. "And I just want you to know, that I could not feel worse about-"
"You don't have to apologize to me." Cyrus interrupted, his tone lifting slightly. "But, you'll tell Blair soon, yes?"
"I will." Dan nodded. "I just…I hope that she forgives me. Anyway, I should get going, but thank you for everything. Here's my number if you need to call me."
Dan quickly scribbled his number down at the top of the contract, he didn't care if he wasn't supposed to, thanked Cyrus again and then left. Now, he had to wait. Cyrus was the second to last person on his list, and if he got down to the last…well, Dan would have to change his whole strategy.
His current plan was to put a stop to the story, then tell Blair the truth about it, that he had got it stopped from publishing and about his feelings for her. That is, if he managed to get that far before she killed him. The last person on the list was Chuck Bass. Dan knew that Chuck would never do him a favour, but he hoped that Chuck would want to protect Blair. If it came to that, Dan was going to tell Blair the truth about the story, then how he was trying to stop it, then he would turn to Chuck and depending how Blair had dealt with everything up to that point, he might tell her how he feels. Either way, Dan really didn't feel good about the outcome.
Even if he stopped the story from being published, Blair would probably be furious and she'd have every right to feel that way. But Dan would not easily give up. He cared about Blair and was willing to go to whatever lengths he had to to prove that to her. Vanessa still thought he was crazy, but she asked to read some of his stories on her, then she started to get it. She didn't get it completely, and Dan wasn't sure is she was really rooting for him and Blair, but she had stopped with the backhanded insults. Dan hadn't told Rufus what was going on. He had planned to, when he first decided he had to stop the story and had no idea where to start, but his dad had been MIA a lot recently. So Dan felt like he was on his own.
When he got back home, Jenny begged for details and Vanessa wanted to give him some notes on his writing, but he was too tired. He collapsed on his bed and started practising in his head a million different ways of how he was going to break this to Blair. None were good enough and he just hoped, that when he saw her, the right words would find him.
They didn't. In fact, no words found him. He froze. She was sitting with Serena and her minions in the courtyard and they seemed to be looking over folders and clipboards, then she clapped her hands and shooed her minions away, undoubtedly with a mission to complete.
Now wasn't the time to tell her the truth, but he told himself that didn't mean he couldn't talk to her.
"Ladies." He said, as walked up to their table.
"Hi, Dan." Serena greeted, but Blair was too engrossed in whatever she was doing, so Serena nudged her.
"Sorry, Humphrey, I haven't got time for pleasantries, I have a date to find!" She rushed out her words, then started flipping through a folder, that looked to be full of high school transcripts with small pictures paper clipped to them.
"Um, those are all girls." Dan said as he took a seat.
"I realize that." Blair said laconically. "I'm not looking for a date for me, I'm looking for the perfect date for Chuck."
Dan scrunched up his face and looked to Serena, she shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"Umm….why?" Dan asked uncomfortably.
"It's a game." Blair replied whimsically.
"Why else?" Serena added.
"I'm choosing Chuck's date to the Snowflake Ball and he gets to choose mine, if he actually likes his then I win, if I like the guy he choose for me, then he wins." Blair explained as if she had already won.
"Sounds to me like he's already won." Dan muttered as he looked off to the side.
"What?!" Blair snapped. "Like Chuck can find a man to satisfy me! I, on the other hand, know exactly what Chuck looks for in-"
"No, that's not what I mean." Dan waved his hands at her to stop. "What I meant was, Chuck's already achieved his goal. He wanted your attention, now he's got it, he…what? Pushed a few of your buttons about being scared to lose, and how you could never beat him and you agreed to his terms?"
Blair started at Dan blankly, while Serena tried to supress a smile. She found this far too entertaining.
"I mean, come on, Blair." Dan continued. "This was his idea, right? And now he's not only got you to engage in this game, but now gets to control who you date?"
"If you're so smart, what would you do?" Blair retorted after a moment.
"I'd…call off the bet." Dan responded with a shrug. "If you really want to win, you have refuse to play his games."
Blair smiled confidently and then pulled out her mobile phone.
"What are you doing?" Serena asked.
"Texting Chuck that the deal is off because I found a much better date for myself than he ever could." Blair explained victoriously.
"Who exactly?" Dan said, really not getting Blair's new plan.
"Well, if I really want to drive Chuck crazy…I should take someone that he can't stand." Blair eyed Dan pointedly.
"Dan?!" Serena asked, Dan could have sworn that she was trying not to laugh.
"Are you crazy?" Dan added.
"Think about it, Chuck thinks he knows me so well and that he can control me however he wants, what better what to prove him wrong than by showing up at the Snowflake Ball with Dan Humphrey? Be at my place at seven." She ordered as she gathered up her things and sauntered off.
"This is bad, isn't it?" Dan said, still watching Blair go.
"It's so bad." Serena laughed. "But, hey, it's just for one night. You're probably best off going along with it, you don't want to disobey one of Blair's orders."
"Yeah." Dan sighed, trying to sound relieved. Serena obviously had no idea. "So, are you going tonight?"
"Yes and I've convinced Aaron to come too!" She replied excitedly.
"Oh, you're still with Aaron?"
"Yes. He was kind of upset with me because we were meant to spend some time together on Thanksgiving, then, obviously, all that stuff with Nate came up. But we're okay now."
"Good." Dan replied, not sounding happy for her at all. "Have you seen Nate much lately?"
"Um, not really." Serena shrugged. "But I'm sure he'll come to the Snowflake Ball once I tell him that you are Blair are going together, there's no way he'll want to miss that!"
"This is such a bad idea!" Vanessa yelled as Dan stood in the middle of the loft, dressed in his tux, as Jenny helped with his bow tie.
"You said that already." Jenny commented under her breath.
"Look, I will tell her, but after tonight." Dan urged Vanessa. "I just need to get tonight out the way, then I'm sure Cyrus will call me tomorrow and then I can explain everything to Blair."
"Don't you see what you're doing?" Vanessa chastised. "You're just making things worse for yourself! The longer you leave, the harder it is going to be for you to tell her the truth and the worse she is going to take it!"
"It's one night, Vanessa." Dan replied forcefully.
"Yes, just one night. One night where you're in a tux and Blair's in a gown and they'll be pretty lights and dancing and…you'll just wake up tomorrow even more desperate to not ruin things between you two."
"It's not like that," Dan began, "it's not a romantic date. Blair's only going with me to get to Chuck. Anyway, I doubt we'll even be alone, we'll be hanging out with Serena and Nate. Oh, and Aaron."
"Sure." Vanessa said sarcastically then stormed off the Dan's room. She came back a moment later with another one of his short stories in her hands and began to read aloud. "As Dylan looked down into Claire's enticing eyes, he suddenly couldn't breathe-"
"Hey!" Dan cried, then advanced towards her but she moved and he began to chase her around the loft.
"He had never wanted anybody so badly and as much as it ached, he felt sad that he would probably never want anyone this badly ever again-"
"You wrote that?" Jenny laughed as she tried to stay out the way out of the two.
"It was as if, every time he saw her, he would experience the occurrence of falling in love with her all over again in an instant. All the times where she had surprised him, moved him, made him smile, made him laugh till he couldn't breathe and taken his breath away would be tied together in the one undeniable truth that she was the one and only-"
Dan cornered her and snatched the paper out of her hand. Vanessa looked at his face and knew that she had gone too far, but he seemed more embarrassed then angry. He looked down at the pieces paper in his hands to make sure he hadn't ripped it in the struggle and then folded them back up.
"I never gave you this story." He said accusingly.
"It was in the middle of some of the chapters, I assumed you meant to give it to me. I'm sorry." Vanessa replied apologetically.
"No problem. It was my mistake." He said quietly, looking down.
"Dan, you've creased your shirt." Jenny moved over to him and tried to smooth out the tension.
"It doesn't matter, I don't think I'm going to go. I don't know what I was thinking." He muttered as he started headed back to his bedroom.
"Dan, wait." Vanessa called after him. "You should go."
"I should go?" Dan turned around and looked at her in shock. "You haven't shut up for the last hour about all the reasons why I shouldn't go."
"I know, but, maybe I was being too harsh on you. You should have tonight." Vanessa said sincerely. "Just, go the dance with Blair and…for tonight only, forget about the story and just enjoy your evening. Everything else can wait till tomorrow."
"You know you want to." Jenny added playfully as she picked up Dan's jacket. "Come on, Blair's expecting you. You can't let her down."
Dan assented. The truth was, he really wanted to go. He wanted to just spend one night with Blair, where he could just be Dan and not be stuck thinking about what a horrible person he was. They'd been spending more time together lately, they'd seen a couple of movies and had ran into each other at the Kirchner exhibit at the MOMA. It was nice for him to just be Dan around her now. But the strange thing was, it hadn't stopped him writing about her. In fact, he'd never written more. The page Vanessa had just read out he had only written a few days ago. He had no intention of showing them to anyone. Ever. And certainly not publishing them. But he couldn't help writing about her.
So, he went to the penthouse. Eleanor and Cyrus weren't around, which made him half relieved and half disappointed. He had the naïve hope that maybe Cyrus would be there and would take him aside, tell him that it was all taken care of then Dan could tell her the truth that night. Even though his hopes were dashed, Dan was still determined to enjoy the evening. After tomorrow when he would tell her the truth and then she'd probably never give him the time of day again.
She descended the stairs in what seemed to be slow motion to Dan. She was wearing a midnight blue dress, with a long, layered skirt and a strapless bodice. Her hair was hanging over her shoulders in loose waves and she had the most dazzling smile. She looked incredible. He couldn't think of anything to say, he couldn't think of anything at all. All he could do was take in the sight of her.
"Not bad, Humphrey." She said as she reached him at the bottom of the steps, not hiding the way that she was looking him up and down.
"I let Jenny dress me." Was the first thing that Dan could think to say. He really wished that he had just stayed quiet. Blair's face turned to disgust.
"Well, I suppose that two Humphrey's are equal one regular person, so…I approve." She relented.
"So do I." Dan said too quickly. "I mean, of you. I mean, you look nice." Nice? He's a writer, who can and does wax poetic about how attractive he finds her and all he can think to say is that she looks nice?
"What I'm trying to say," Dan decided to give it one last go, "is that you look…perfect. Perfect."
Now it was Blair's turn to be speechless. Dan saved her, nothing else needed to be said now anyway. He gave her his arm, and she took it and, linked together, they left for the Snowflake Ball.
Being Blair's date wasn't what Dan had expected, but he should have seen it coming. Blair had to go talk to everyone, brush off the fact that she was there with him of all people, from what Dan had overheard she'd concocted some story about keeping him on the shelf for Serena. If Chuck had seen them, Dan hadn't noticed, he hadn't even shown up for all Dan knew. He didn't really care.
He ended up spending most of the evening with Nate, Serena and Aaron. Aaron blatantly wanted to be alone with Serena, but Nate was still a bit down, and she knew that these dance's had never really been Dan's thing, so she wanted didn't want to ditch them. Not that Dan would mind if she did, and from the curious glances that Nate was giving him, Dan knew that he was just desperate to ask about any progress he might have made with Blair.
Eventually Serena agreed to a dance with Aaron, not before she asked Dan and Nate if they'd be okay, to which they both nodded emphatically in response.
"So, you and Blair huh?" Nate asked casually, but Dan could see the mischief in his eyes.
"It's not a date." Dan said firmly. "And I'm sure you've noticed that I've spent most of the night standing on the side-lines with you, so…"
"So I take it you haven't told her how you feel yet?"
"No. And the more I think about it, the more I think that I shouldn't."
"Why not?" Nate asked, practically on the verge of whining.
"Nate, she's only here with me to make Chuck jealous."
"Oh, come, if all she wants is to make Chuck jealous, then there's a million other guys she could have brought here tonight. I mean, no offence, but why would she choose you?" Nate said pointedly.
"I'd really like it, if you didn't get my hopes up." Dan responded nervously.
"Come on, man, just….look, she's on her own right now, go and ask her to dance."
"I couldn't leave you here on your own." Dan made up an excuse.
"Well, I'll go ask Serena for a dance. We'll leave Aaron standing on his own." Nate suggested.
"I'm much more okay with that." Dan agreed, then took a deep breath. He didn't know why this made him so nervous. All he was doing was asking for a dance. And it was a slow song, so he was much less likely to look stupid than he did when he danced normally. And even if she said no, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
He built up his courage, and walked towards her confidently. She turned and saw him approach, saw his calm, knowing smile and returned it. He didn't say a word, but put out his hand. She slipped her hand into his and he lead her out to the dance floor. His free hand naturally fell onto her lower back, hers clung to his shoulder. He looked down into her heart-stopping eyes. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't see anything but her.
If he had been able to tear his eyes away from her, he would have seen Nate, peering past Serena and watching the two of them with a gratified smile on his face. He would have seen Penelope as her jaw dropped and she turned to Hazel and said in disbelief 'are you seeing what I'm seeing?' He would have seen Nelly Yuki, avidly taking pictures with her phone. And, most importantly, he would have seen Chuck. He would have seen the discreet blend of devastation and fury on his face, before he disappeared into the shadows to make a phone call.
The song ended. Dan didn't notice and neither did Blair, they continued dancing into the next one. And then the one after that. The sound that stopped them was the beeping of multiple phones throughout the room that no one dared ignore. Dan felt a pit in the bottom of the stomach, he knew what this would be about. The dreaded moment had finally come, and it had announce itself in the most satirical and cruel way that it could have done.
Spotted: Queen B with Lonely Boy on her arm. Anyone else smell a rat? For once, B is innocent. I've been a very good girl this year, so Santa gave me my gift early and told me that Lonely Boy has been very, very bad. He's been getting close to Blair to write a story about her, part one to be published in the next edition of New York Magazine and I'm sure it'll reveal all her deepest, darkest secrets. Look out Lonely Boy, when you mess with Queen B you get a lot worse than a lump of coal in your stocking.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
Blair looked at her phone in shock and Dan waited for her reaction, but her attention went straight to Chuck as he marched over to them.
"I should have known you would do something like this." Blair accused Chuck. "You could at least come up with something unbelievable, no one is going to buy that Humphrey could do something like that."
"Blair-" Dan tried to speak.
"He really fooled you." Chuck sneered. "It felt humiliated for you just watching you dance with him, and now, you're defending him."
"You're pathetic!" Blair snapped.
"What's pathetic is you!" Chuck bitterly spat out. "Ask him. Just ask him whether it's true or not."
Blair hadn't believed it at all initially, but seeing Chuck's conviction made her doubt herself. Dan could see it before she even looked at him. Her eyes lingered on Chuck, looking for some sign that he was lying and then she slowly turned to Dan, afraid to see what she did see; guilt.
"Blair," Dan began quietly, "it was a mistake."
"What was?" She snapped, still not ready to believe it and Dan could see the tears encroaching on her eyes.
"I was writing a story." Dan finally admitted. "But I'm not anymore, I stopped once I realized….but it is getting published. I've been doing all that I can to stop-"
Blair slapped Dan and the sound rang through the silent room. It took him a moment to adjust to the shock and the pain and when he looked back to Blair she was storming off. His cheek burned. He heard the sound of people taking pictures with their phones. The whispers all around him. But he couldn't really comprehend them.
He looked at Chuck, who was staring at him intensely. It was a look Dan couldn't quite read. It seemed partly like it was satisfaction, Chuck had won and put Dan back in his place, and partly like Chuck's ego was still hurt and he wanted to punish Dan a bit more yet. If he was going to hurt Dan more, it wouldn't be tonight, he turned and left as most of the crowd all began to turn away from the scene.
Serena pushed her way to Dan, she looked like she didn't really understand what had happened and she didn't know whether to be concerned for Dan or not.
"Is all that really true?" She asked.
"Yes, but, it's…you have to listen to me, you have got to tell Blair-" Dan had gone over what words he would use to explain this situation countless times, and now he couldn't remember any of them.
"I can't believe you would do that Blair! And you used me to do it!" Serena yelled, then seemed to be following the popular path of storming off, so Dan grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Serena, please, I didn't meant to hurt…anyone. I made a mistake, you have to get Blair give me chance to explain to her that-"
"Let go of my arm right now unless you wanted to get slapped again." She ordered quietly and Dan knew that she meant it. He released her arm and she ran off, undoubtedly to go after Blair.
Dan took a few steps forward. Not really to anywhere, just forward. Then Nate came into his path.
"You should have told me." Nate said coldly.
"I was going to. I was going to come clean about all of it, but I wanted to explain it to Blair first." Dan explained.
"So, all that stuff about you trying to hang out with her because you had feelings for her…?"
"Was true. I really did have feelings for her. I do. More than…I care about her more than you know." Dan tried desperately to get at least get one person to believe him. "Nate, I…nothing means more to me than making this right."
"She'll never forgive you." Nate stated plainly.
"Probably not." Dan ran a hand through his hair. "Can you forgive me?"
"Not tonight." Nate replied. "But I will. I'll see you around."
Nate slowly backed away and disappeared into the crowd and Dan was left standing alone. People would glance over at him, then pretended that they weren't talking about him. One girl was already on the phone to her aunt who worked on New York Magazine and was trying to get a hold of the first chapter. This is the moment that Dan's mobile rang.
"Hello?" Dan tried to make his voice sound normal, but it was shaky.
"Dan, it's Cyrus."
"Hey, Cyrus. Any good news?" Dan asked casually, but he was internally begging that this call was going to be the one to tell him that everything would be okay.
"I'm afraid there was nothing I could do." Cyrus said apologetically. "I looked over the contract and called their lawyers, but they own the story now and they're going to print it. Have you told Blair yet?"
"She knows." Dan responded evasively, as he rubbed his hand over his face. He felt exhausted. It was unbelievable how quickly he could go from feeling elated to completely shattered.
"At least she knows." Cyrus replied, completely oblivious to the scene that had gone down and the fact that there was no silver lining here. Dan didn't say anything in response, so Cyrus continued, "I'll probably see you soon then, Dan, goodbye."
Dan couldn't speak, he felt like if he did then he would break. So he just hung up and left. When he got outside he looked to see if maybe Blair was still there, but she was gone. Dan knew it wasn't true, but he felt like he would never see her again. He'd never see the real Blair again. The wall would go back up, more impenetrable than it ever had been. So, in a way, he never was going to see her again.
When he got home, Vanessa and Jenny were still up and they were so excited to see him that they didn't register how early it was for him to be home.
"Hey, how'd it go?" Jenny asked.
"Haven't you seen Gossip Girl?" Dan asked, confused that anyone could have missed the juiciest gossip in weeks.
"No, my phone's charging in my bedroom and Vanessa doesn't…." Jenny trailed off as she began to read Dan's defeated body language. "What happened?"
"I don't know how to answer that question…." Dan answered as he pulled at his bow tie, "my one night to just enjoy spending time with Blair….you know, for a split-second, it was amazing. For that tiny moment, it was everything I hoped it would be."
"What's wrong?" Vanessa stood up and walked closer to him.
"As it turns out you were right. I should have never…I shouldn't have gone tonight, it was a disaster."
"What did she do?" Vanessa asked.
"She didn't do a thing." Dan said, feeling that tightening in his throat again and weakness in his eyes. "It was all me, I'm the bad guy."
"You told her?" Jenny asked delicately.
"No, I didn't have to. Gossip Girl told everybody." Dan stated, then pursed his lips together and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"How did Gossip Girl even find out?" Jenny asked.
"I'm not sure exactly, but Chuck had something to do with it. It doesn't even matter, it's not his fault, it's not Gossip Girl's fault, I'm the one who did this to Blair."
"So….she didn't take it well?" Vanessa hesitated.
"No, she didn't." Dan shook his head.
"Are you okay?" Vanessa asked.
"No." Dan replied, as he headed to his bedroom. "I'm not."
Dan collapsed on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. So many times in the last few months, he had spent lying there and thinking about that story and now he wished more than anything that he could go back and undo what he did. He hated himself for ever having been so selfish and cruel. He hated himself because of how much his own actions had come to hurt him. But most of all, he hated himself for hurting Blair. No matter how much he tried to blink it away, or clamp his eyes shut and focus on the darkness, or look up at his ceiling and try to think about anything else, he couldn't get the way she had looked at him once she had realized it was true out his head. So much disappointment, so betrayed, so crushed. He had never wanted to hurt her. Even in the beginning, when he thought he didn't care about her and felt indifferent about whether he should be writing the story or not from an ethical standpoint, he never wanted to hurt her.
It had been an awful few days. Today had in some ways been the best in a long time. Seeing Blair come down those steps, and then dancing with her seemed more meaningful, and not just to him, he really felt like maybe she was starting to care about him too. So, in some ways it had been the best day in a while, in most ways it had been the worst. Dan couldn't remember a time he had ever felt this bad. So, despite the few fleeting moments of magic, today had been an awful day. And tomorrow…tomorrow would have no redeeming moments. Tomorrow would be even worse.