AN:
I AM SO SORRY. I wrote this chapter and then neglected to save it properly and then midterms kicked my ass (except maybe I kicked theirs… hopefully). Despite the unforgivably long time between updates I so so so appreciated every review, favourite, and follow. I love you all. 3.
PS: Though this story takes place at the fictional BCU, the campus will be loosely based on the University of Ottawa (where I am a student). Also, Jane's family does not live in Boston, they are from Plymouth.
Warning. Some vulgarities. I feel like Jane wouldn't be Jane without being vulgar.
****Trigger Warning***** Very light mentions of self harm. This chapter is definitely not graphic, but I am not sure if future chapters will be. It depends if I am strong enough to write them.
Disclaimer. Oh how I wish I owned these characters. Alas I do not. The story, however, is mine.
Insomnia. Jane sighed heavily. It was five in the morning. She had slept what, four hours?
What did you expect? To be all better your first night away from home? Don't be so stupid.
Another sigh. Heavy and dragged from the very depths of her exhaustion. Jane sat up in the dark and reached for her desk lamp. A click and then her closet like dorm room was dimly illuminated; a narrow bed, a wardrobe with doors that squeaked, and a boxy, albeit sturdy, desk. Her sheets were worn thin, taken from the back of a closet in her family home. She would need to buy a heavier blanket for the winter months. Despite the plainness of her room, despite the shabbiness of some of her possessions, Jane Rizzoli had never been more proud. This was hers.
I earned this. I earned this.
Jane sat up further in bed and leaned her back against the cool concrete wall, closed her eyes, and remembered. As she'd waited in line for the elevator that morning she couldn't help but realize she was the only student without a parent by her side. The only student with less than two suitcases. She'd wondered if she belonged here. Really. Then, and this was something she was not proud of, she had imagined that her nonna was by her side. Fussing with the broken zipper on her backpack and shooting her reassuring smiles.
Oh Nonna.
Jane had no doubt that could her nonna have been there, she would have. She was, after all, Jane's biggest supporter. She had matched every summer paycheck, dollar for dollar. She had worked hard to get Jane the funds to go to this school. And then, when she had died, she left Jane every penny she had. For your future, she had said, I believe in you.
God, Nonna. I miss you.
Stop it Rizzoli. No tears.
Fuck.
She missed the safety of her nonna; the unquestioning love and support she provided; the consistency of that love and support. She missed summers at her nonna's place on the outskirts of Boston, working at a convenience store and coming home to a smile and dinner. Coming home to warm encouragement and music. She missed the yellowing keys of her nonna's piano and the familiar sound of sheets turning in that old music book. She missed the feeling of those keys and those sheets on her fingers.
Jane wiped furiously at her tears. This was supposed to be her fresh start. No more crying. She glanced with a mixture of longing and fear at her wardrobe, where she knew her knife was hidden in the deep pockets of her winter jacket.
NO.
No Rizzoli.
Not here, not now. New beginning remember?
Jane swallowed thickly and grabbed her sweatshirt and room keys.
Air. I need air.
The sun was rising when she stepped out into the chilly September morning. She swung a right outside the residence complex and headed into University Square. The lot was littered with neon flyers declaring this year's frosh week to be The Best One Yet! Jane snorted. The library was on her right, tall and full of knowledge. It made her nervous.
Goddamnit Rizzoli. Give it up. Classes haven't even started yet.
She hunched her shoulders and pulled her hands into the sleeves of her gray sweatshirt. She passed the library and came to the Lawn. There were tents set up in a large square. Some sort of event for later in the day, she guessed. She wandered through until she got to the forest on the other edge of the Lawn. She could see trails wind their way into the trees, she knew from her map that there was a river on the other side and started mentally calculating how long it would take to get there before she saw movement to her left. Jane turned quickly and froze. It was the girl. The girl. The one she'd seen the previous morning. She was sat on a stump, reading again. Jane swallowed.
Leave it. Go back.
She screwed up her face.
What's wrong with you Rizzoli? She's just some girl.
As Jane stood there, conflicted, the girl looked up. She nearly fell off of her improvised seat. Jane rushed forward.
"I-I'm sorry. Did I scare you? I didn't mean to. I wasn't... um… spying or anything. I was just… out for a walk. You know? There are, um, trails and stuff…"
The girl stood up, still blinking in surprise. Her eyes were golden. Blue and green and brown and gold. All at once.
Beautiful.
Fuck Rizzoli. Get it together.
"Oh. You did startle me, but I'm alright." The girl was smiling nervously. "I didn't expect to see anyone out here, it's rather early."
"Right. Yeah. I, uh…" Jane blinked stupidly, fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweater. The girl looked at her with an unreadable expression. Jane swallowed again, suddenly aware that she hadn't even brushed her hair before leaving her room. The girl looked incredible. Honey blonde hair with not a strand out of place. A pale blue blouse with a brown jacket. She looked so put together.
Out of my league.
What's that supposed to mean?
The girl looked like she was about to speak when rushed words fell out of Jane's mouth; "Ishouldgo." The girl nodded, a new look on her face. Was she… disappointed? Jane cleared her throat. Nodded resolutely. "I should go. Um, enjoy your book."
She turned away from the girl before she could change her mind and walked quickly back to the residence complex cursing herself every step of the way.
What the hell just happened?
This chapter was a little longer! I hope you all like it. This is the first time I have posted my writing anywhere, so… reviews are beautiful things :)
Though the general plot/ procession of events has been decided (because it's based on my own reality), I am open to suggestions and positive criticism!
I promise I won't always be this long between updates.
Love,
R&D.