Hello and welcome to the Deadpool review. Sorry its been a while but me and Domino went on a mission and lets just say I f****d her brains out (I bet you thought I would be subtle). Ok We are doing episode 3 which is Rogue Recruit. I bet this one is me since I went Rogue. I do not own this show for some strange reason that I haven't exactly worked out why.
Right we start off in a swamp (probably down south). Hey I heard something about this from who was it? Isn't this the music from where they do a Dracula musical? I cannot wait for that episode.A girl is out of the porch or whatever it is called. She looks down whilst the others party (cliche or what?), she appears to be some form of goth probably from the ancient society of Gothica meaning 'vampire wannabe'. Two sports guys walk outside and the one with the black hair is either doing poetry or trying to get his mate to talk to the girl by rhyming (is that us, did we rhyme? Should we have done a rhyme joke? No we ain't that kind of bloke).
The guy has finally finished rhyming (and you didn't get my rhyming joke). Right the blond dude fancies the goth (makes perfect sense) and he goes to talk to her after hesitating (I feel like a 90's teen comedy coming putting gun to head I hope it isn't), well being pushed. He doesn't even know her name LOL. He asks her to dance and looks sad :( so she dances with him out of mercy (he even does a southern gentlemen impression). She said 'where the harm in one dance', so famous last words for me that is if it gets anymore like a 90's teen coming of age comedy (WE GET IT UGLY GIRLS ARE HOT TO, EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL).
We then go to a house where a blind woman (Shoots self in head) has a vision. The blond guy in pushed onto the goth (which looks like a weird position from this angle) and F**K this is Rogue isn't it. Well she is hot though, I wonder what it is like to suck faces with her?
The blond kid faints (which is what I did when I realised movie Rogue was in True Blood). Rogue (working on a fun nickname for her) then wonders about herself (you're a goth, didn't you realise that ages ago when you put on the outfit and makeup, no, on with the show). The opening credits start and off we go.
She runs out the door throwing the poet out the way like a pro. The blind woman is on the phone (is that Irene Adler? I thought she was in Sherlock Holmes, lazy writers) talking about not being able to control a girl and someone is coming for her (probably wheels oh no wait he is as well). Ooh Ninjas I'm going to like this. The Ninja is running everywhere trying to avoid the weather girl. She freezes and heats up the Ninja (so nice to their house guests). Claws oh my deadpool this is badger isn't it. Great now I have to watch him being awesome (isn't that what the movies are for?). It turns out the entire point to destroy the danger room was to test the security by destroying the room with the most security. The blue elf makes an upside down thumbs up joke as if we have never seen that before.
Badger wants to turn the house into the place from the saw movies but agrees to knock out gas. Catwoman gets freaked out (probably by Badgers Hannibal Lector side and no I am not keeping that up again, it hurt so much that I missed one).
I think blue elf has a crush on her since he is trying to be smooth and then she goes to bed (don't be down that is a good thing). Wheels comes in and says that have to go and get the goth. Apparently she is a danger to herself (funny that is what they say about me, I hear a pairing fic coming :). Oh my deadpool he said 'we have a Rogue' I am so fanboying now. Wait they have stealth mode? How can nobody know about this? Blue elf flies with his feet (talk about lame, I use my swords or Cable. Cable does it normally).
The FAA or whatever they call themselves know an invisible jet is coming so they better watch out (lame I know gun shot heard). Looks like catwoman and redhead think one eye is cute, I hear a fic coming. Blue elf teleports outside the plane and then back in again only to land on catwoman (good aiming). Catwoman walks off and badger makes a kids joke.
The blue woman in principle form gets off the plane and into a limo to talk to the blind woman. They have a mysterious investor (I bet it isn't Magneto, probably Sinister or Apocalypse or me). Goth girl is apparently a great weapon or something and goes home which might not be home (a spaceship?). Redhead pretends to be a nurse (cyclops must be so happy) and wheels reads the blond guys mind through redheads mind.
Hang on what is she to the blue girl? I don't really care but wheels looked surprised. She then turns herself into badger whilst the goth thinks shes someone else after breaking into a house (so maybe a spaceship that leaves a key in the gutter). So badger wants her and chases her (like that isn't weird). The goth runs out the house and the blue lady turns into other people whilst the real X-men go looking for the goth.
Badger can smell fear like a dog or a murderer. The blind woman tries to calm down the goth. Goth thinks the X-men are dangerous and blue elf teleports after her. Ha ha catwoman is small. Blue elf tries to connect with goth. Blue elf reveals his real face (hey I missed that, such an improvement) and goth absorbs his powers after a fight with catwoman (best episode ever) oh and blue elf is unconscious.
Goth can teleport and speak German and starts to have fun teleporting. Catwoman is worried about the blue elf and talks to wheels over the mind. The trail has gone cold because the effects are temporary. Even in mind speak catwoman is loud. Goth is looking depressed and the blue lady pretends to be the red head. They start to relate but hang on that is the real redhead (I was distracted by a fly without wings...I shot a fly...with a bazooka...three bazookas). Redhead gives her a communicator using her powers. One eye and weather girl appear but it turns out goth is afraid of weather girl. Blue elf is still unconscious and catwoman is starting to become attracted to the blue elf.
The goth hides in a tomb (because one escape is enough) and one eye appears at the entrance and acts all evil. Apparently no loose ends (what about the destroyed school or locker opener from the previous episode...no, on with the show). The goth runs out to find one eye (thats more of a mind f**k than the unreal butter) and then something blows up (iron giant food...you remember that film so don't lie). Red head appears and acts like it is that time of the month and then goth teleports away and is surrounded by the X-men. Goth absorbs weather girls powers and goes all Carrie over the place (I intend to use that joke again). Goth then teleports away after watering the plants. Wheels cannot trace it and now badger realises the blue girl is there. Goth must choose to go and the blue elf wakes up and catwoman is all over him.
The footballers talk about playing football. Oh my deadpool (yes I know it is egotistical) the goth had join the school a twist worthy of M. Night. Shamaloo or whatever (if I haven't shot him for ruining the last airbender). The paperclips start moving and did goth not notice the guy in armour behind the principle? No, fair enough. The goth is supposed to have forgotten her memories and episode over. WHERE THE F**K WAS I, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE WATCHER OR MR. ZULU OR STANLEE (WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT IS STAN LEE AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M STILL IN CAPS).
I hope you enjoyed and look forward to the next edition of the Deadpool review.