Chapter Eleven

"As we will soon read, the context of 'self through literature' is actually more of a study of human nature through the author's characterization, and therefore an extension of their perceptions of humanity…"

The lecture stopped mid-thought as the door ripped open. Harsh winter wind whipped across the podium, sending a veil of papers launching in all directions. A loud, reverberating smack echoed across the room, followed by a sudden agonized groan erupting from the doorway. The class stared in abject horror as the slightly brownish puddle of humanity fumbled to get to it's knees. Mamoru felt a sigh rumble up from the very depths of his chest as the much ridiculed golden hair shimmered in the dim lighting.

Why did the fates hate him? Really? What on earth had he ever done to them to deserve this? It was only the second week of class!

"Oi! Usagi-chan, are you alright?" Right on cue, Motoki was already moving toward her. Mamoru bit back the urge to offer a spatula for the removal process. Instead, he simply leaned down, gripping one painfully puffy upper arm and hauling the girl to her feet. A second swipe had all her books in one hand before Motoki could reach them. The irritated man didn't bother to look at the younger girl, but instead stepped calmly back to the podium. Of all the things he could have had to deal with in this class, it just had to be her. This will be chaos.

"M-Motoki…." Usagi's wild eyed incredulity met with brief disbelief as the blond reached her side. He shrugged in confusion, motioning her to be still.

"Sh, I've got ya Usagi-chan. Just get to your seat." The baffled girl stumbled up the stairs in a bit of a daze. She could barely register the exaggerated gestures from her friends.

Mamoru hadn't laughed at her. He'd helped her up?

"What an entrance." Sasuke remarked snidely, but his brown eyes were laughing. "If only I could command attention like you do, Usagi-chan."

The golden hair wagged right and left as she all but fell into her seat between him and Ami. Motoki started in on the lecture as Mamoru spent some time organizing the jumbled mass of papers that had suddenly appeared back on the podium. Apparently there were club members in the front row.

"I hope this doesn't mean you'll fall head over heels like the rest of the sheep." He whispered quietly, and she glanced up to a wink and smirk. Shyly, not sure what the heck was going on with the class that day, she shook her head.

"Trust me, it was probably professional courtesy that saved me a sound reaming right there." She huffed a breath, blowing bangs away from her eyes. The reading assignment from the last class period had been set aside the night before, and never picked up. She'd been completely exhausted, not to mention less than enthused about early Greek mythology. What did that even have to do with the class anyway?

"Thank you, Motoki. Now, if all of you will take out the first reading assignment, we'll start class discussion." Mamoru finished, stacking the papers smartly against the podium. The rustle of book pages and murmuring filled the auditorium, and he found himself slowly scanning the isles of distracted students. Nearly every seat crowding the front was overburdened with that damn insignia of his fan club. His jaw tightened. Every single blouse front was loosened at least one button. Really?

At least they were in skirts. If anything happened, he'd trip one and run for cover.

The search continued into the middle rows, but still revealed nothing. He hadn't bothered to look even that far on the first day, no wonder she'd snuck right passed him. There, hidden far to the back and snug into the corner, the twin odango's were bent over toward him. He couldn't help the snide smirk stealing across his face. The pathetic child couldn't even handle bringing her own book to class! The first boy he'd seen in the room was sharing with her.

God, when did he get this headache?

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.

…..

The February night air was especially cold this year. It ran sticky fingers along lamp posts and street signs, sent chills along her spine and cackled wickedly in the frigid breeze. Gooseflesh broke across her arms as those fingers penetrated her deeply, but she didn't shudder. The Senshi uniform protected her to some degree, though usually she was fighting in it to keep warm. This particular battle had ended hours ago, the other Senshi sent home to enjoy their nights of romance respectively.

As for her, though, she preferred staring out over the city to returning home. No one would be there, and the sappy romances her mother owned really had no pull. She wanted desperately to be with him, but feared it. As always, the loneliness won out in the end, and she had made her way to a skyscraper downtown to enjoy the view. It was secluded and out of the way, she could watch the cars scuttle past on stunted legs. Her feet dangled over the side precariously, but she didn't mind. Sailor Moon could probably survive a fall like that, no matter how painful, and she was in the mood to be numb and desensitized.

It had been 8 months since Chiba Mamoru had begun the search for her. She tried to stifle the aching hollowness in her chest. Mamoru himself had left no uncertain terms between them, and the only possible end to this road was heartbreak. She just didn't know how to tell him, how to make him understand. The hope felt like less than a warm ember now. She hadn't even tried to keep her identity a secret. Any child with enough brains to put two and two together could have figured it out.

A shiver raced up her spine at the cold finally, the first since running out of her house that afternoon. It was good, though. She wanted to be cold, be frozen to everything. If only she could focus on that instead of him. Another helpless shudder gripped her small frame, more at the thought than her environment.

A heavy weight settled across her shoulders and her head flicked upward in surprise; she had been certain to choose an empty building to ensure no one would see her. His smile warmed the cool night, and her confusion shifted to a bitter half smile instead. How ironic, that she had just been thinking about him, how he would destroy her. A story he'd covered in class came to mind; a helpless young girl stolen from her home and carried deep into the underworld. She wondered faintly how the young Persephone had survived the fall without breaking.

"You Senshi need a jacket or something. You're always shivering." His comment should have made her smile; instead she turned away. Hades himself was trying to warm her? The thought was almost amusing. Mamoru had no warmth unless Moon was present. The second she'd tripped into his class late that afternoon, he should have coldly ignored her, or mocked her usual late behavior. The moment had been less than warm or ideal, yet the fact that it had even happened was shocking.

"Hey, Mamoru-san. I came up here to be alone…" she began quietly, trying to ignore the heady scent of him wafting up from the thick material slung around her shoulders. Her heart was beginning to pound in her ears. Her flesh warmed again as he settled himself beside her on the edge. She fought the blush blossoming in her face at how close he was, one leg hanging over the side to bump against hers and the other behind her back.

"Mind if I come be alone with you? I brought bribing materials." He hefted a small package in one hand familiarly, the other hand lifting the top hat free and setting it beside them on the roof. His hell-black hair sucked in the wintery light around them. The white domino mask fluttered down beside it. The silvery light from the half moon above settled across the masculine lines of his face, highlighting and shading him perfectly. She couldn't help but stare at him as he moved, the shadows of his eyes turning up from the ground. Her pulse quickened.

"Something I picked up. They're my favorites, so if you don't like them I can just take them home with me." He continued. The small box clacked against stone as he placed it in her lap gently. Soft blue eyes were drawn to the shimmering lines of swirling lettering against a dark lid. She couldn't make out the name on it from the faint moonlight above. A quick glance upward at his encouraging smile and she was reaching for the lid with hesitant fingers.

"Chocolates?" She queried in confusion, staring at the label. Inside, the shimmering fine satin lining was dark burgundy against the near black little pieces. He nodded, carefully lifting one from its resting place. She noted absently that he had removed his white gloves at some point. It made her shiver.

"Yes. It was either that or dress like Barry White and sing in Italian. I thought I'd spare you the show since I can't carry a tune." The satin black piece disappeared behind smirking lips.

"I think I would have paid a lot of money to see that." She remarked, one golden eyebrow arching in disbelief. No way in hell would the Ice King himself do such a thing, even for someone he loved.

He chuckled, dark and rich. He was laughing at what she said, not at her. The thought was comforting, since it was usually the other way around. It begged the question though, why was he so different around Moon? It was like the heartless bastard took a vacation whenever she was around. She slipped a chunk into her mouth thoughtfully. The frozen sweet warmed instantly, filling her mouth with the smooth taste of dark chocolate and hazelnut. She couldn't help but moan a little at the exquisite flavor.

"Let's just say music isn't my strong suit." He thoroughly enjoyed watching her eat those chocolates. The way her tiny mouth closed around the tips of her fingers, the fact that she let it melt slowly. A tiny shiver trembled across her slim shoulders and the soft sound escaping her. The memory of her assaulted his mind, the feel of that sound reverberating against his chest. The cold winter air was pulled her hair into interesting patters all over the black of his cape and the long, long legs hanging over the side dangled and swished in delight.

Not a word escaped her, little mouth moving slowly as the chocolate melted bit by bit. He wondered what she'd been thinking before he walked up. Her form had shaded against the gentle moonlight from above, backlit by the tower lights from below. Both arms braced on the ledge and shoulders held up tight. For a moment, he'd been afraid she'd jump and get away from him before he could break out the chocolate. He'd known he was going to have to talk fast to get her to stay after that last meeting. If her demeanor had been any indication the sweets between them was the only reason she was still sitting beside him.

"I'm sorry again, about Christmas." He murmured finally. "I didn't mean to scare you."

She nodded quietly, staring down into the streets as she nibbled at her candy. He had to admit, it wasn't the reaction he'd been looking for. Normally, a woman at least grew irritated over things like that, wouldn't she? Maybe he really had interrupted her thoughts tonight. Just the way she'd greeted him made it sound like she didn't actually know what she wanted.

"I'm sorry I cried at you. I get emotional sometimes." She whispered finally, turning to face him again. She smiled gently, her eyelashes caught in golden bangs as she blinked. The effect was a little mesmerizing. He hadn't seen hair dance quite like that before. "Thanks for the necklace. It's beautiful." She reached up to tug at the chain around her neck and brought the jet black shard out from below her neck line.

"I've never been so jealous of a rock before. Do you wear it all the time?"

She laughed and nodded, fingering the stone thoughtfully. There was something very…odd about the way she turned her head. He hadn't noticed before now, but it seemed somewhat familiar. He couldn't help but wonder how he could not seem to recognize her in the street, but that one little action could be remembered. He must not have known her much at all, since it didn't bring any names to mind. The only interaction he had with people her age was probably at Crown, and usually that time was spent with Motoki anyway.

"How well do we know each other?" he asked finally. Her feet slowed in their swing, and both eyes focused on the black shard around her neck. She didn't answer immediately, and he couldn't tell if that was a good omen or bad. Finally, a tiny sigh escaped her lips.

"Not at all." The whisper broke free finally. The black diamond shard in her hand glistened a moment in the cold moonlight as she stuffed it back in place and returned her blank stare to the city below them. Silence reigned between them several moments longer as he watched her. There was something about her, something much more familiar than he knew, but he couldn't seem to grasp what it was. Her hair was sifting through the cold winter winds and her eyes stared sightlessly below them, maybe beyond this world.

"Moon," he whispered finally, "what did you do…after I broke your heart?" She tensed and pulled away from his arms, face going blank as she wrapped both arms around herself. Even the memory of that day felt like too much, to think about how much it had hurt, how hard she'd cried…

"I…" She murmured, suddenly feeling that same ache in her chest. "I ran home, locked myself in my room. My cat was there, she thought it was normal, I guess, she just jumped out the window and ran off. I climbed up on the roof, hid behind the chimney. I cried all night, even through the rain. Caught the flu."

Oh God, how he'd crushed her. The poor girl looked so hollow, so much like she had that night last summer. Had he ever thought what an effect he had on a girl before? Was it like this with every girl he'd ever hurt? He shuddered away from the thought, remembering the terrible emptiness he'd felt on exiting the orphanage for the second time. It was like watching a broken woman take the final blow.

"I-I'm sorry." He offered quietly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. She didn't bother to look at him as her head shook.

"It was stupid. Why would a guy like you want a homely little thing like me anyway? I'm just another one of 'them'." The bitter words slithered against the coldness around them. Mamoru scoffed, tugged at her chin to face him again.

"You are nothing like 'them', Moon. They're all money sucking little witches out to bag the big guy on campus. You are most definitely different."

"No," She whispered, shying away from his hand as a few tears leaked free. "I'm just like them. Just some stupid, pathetic girl that hoped…" she sighed, reaching up to wipe angrily at the annoying droplets. "I don't even know what I hoped. And all that's left is her… Sailor Moon. Sometimes I wish I could take a knife and cut her out of me." She finished venomously, her face red with rage and fingers tightening around her slim wrists.

"Hey! Never say that again, ok? Its part of who you are, not all of it." He leaned forward to press lips against her lowered temple in reassurance. "I'm going to take care of you, ok? Everything is going to be perfect once I find you. It's a promise."

"Yeah…when you find me…" her whimsical smile didn't fool him, he could see the doubt lingering behind the façade, could see that she had begun to fear that it might never happen. He gripped her hand tighter, raising it to his mouth and noting how cold she must be. She'd hardly shivered since his arrival, but her body temperature was strangely low. She must have been out here for hours.

"Hey. I'm going to find you." He pressed a gentle kiss against her fingers, scooting closer to wrap both arms around her protectively. Something was hurting her, something maybe that he was doing, and he didn't understand it as much as he wanted to. "Don't feel like it's not going to happen. Don't feel like I won't love you just as much, because I know I will."

She didn't return his embrace, though her head surrendered to the cushion of his chest. He felt dizzyingly warm to her frozen limbs, a safe haven from the wintery hell she'd banished herself to. As much as she wanted to just fall apart in his arms and cry, she couldn't make herself do it. How ironic, she mused to herself, for the reputed crybaby… Part of her ached to tell him; if just to see what his reaction would be to the truth. She knew, in that desperate moment, that if he was disappointed, she would simply slip over the edge and end the problem. The other part argued that to do so now, before he knew, would be so much better. At least then, she wouldn't have to actually see his disappointment, the anger…the bitter hatred. She swallowed painfully, suddenly feeling the sharp pang of awkward guilt.

"You're going to hate me so much." The broken whisper finally broke her will as the tears began to flow again. So, so pathetic! Why did she always end up crying when he was around?! She struggled against his arms momentarily, instead felt the steady pressure of his hands soothing the back of her skull, his gentle shushing.

"Never. I want to be with you. I've been in love with you for years, Moon, and the more I know about you, the harder I fall." He paused long enough to press kisses to her forehead. "You're adorable and strong and brave –you kiss like a million dollar hooker, which I really can't complain about…" she eyed him suspiciously, pulling away just enough to look up at him.

"How would you know what a million dollar hooker kisses like?" Her tearful, suspicious glare was met evenly with a steady smile.

"You're also terrifyingly clever behind all that blond hair." He kissed the shell of her ear quietly as she sputtered.

"Excuse me? Don't try to change…"

"You know the best way to eat these things?" he interrupted, lifting a small circular chocolate from the box and presenting it to her smoothly. "Stolen."

"I don't see how this applies…" she began determinedly before the chocolate rolled across her lips gently.

"Bite, Moon, and I'll show you how it's done." His soft eyes betrayed nothing of his intent, though he seemed adamant to ignore her question. She eyed him speculatively, wondering at his game in the back of her mind, but the enticing smell and taste of chocolate so close proved an impossible temptation. She bit, the sweet, gummy flavors of caramel and dark chocolate rolling across her tongue exquisitely. The soft little candies began to melt the moment they touched her mouth.

Within moments, her face was angled upward and his lips crashed heavily against hers, tongue delving in to steal the piece back and neatly clean the gooey mess from her lips and mouth. It was over in seconds, him pulling away with that devil-may-care grin and her seething in the cold night air. She gasped in a breath and stared at him in shock, hardly believing he'd just done that. Though she still tasted the heady mix of chocolate and caramel, it was now mingled with his taste, and that made her lower stomach tumble in the most terrifying manner.

"You're turn." He grinned devilishly, popping the other half in his mouth. She couldn't stop staring at him in shock, that taste rolling along her tongue tantalizingly. His grin widened a little at her hesitance, and he leaned forward to press a soft kiss against her mouth. "You've missed you're opportunity, Moon. It's all melted now."

Suddenly, Usagi realized that should the impossible happen, should he find out and actually accept her as a person, she would have some serious problems to think through. Her father would kill her, and him for that matter. She found herself trying to swallow against a thick, frozen throat that squeaked childishly at the action. Her limbs weren't numb anymore, they were seething, throbbing with heated blood she knew had already painted her face; but she couldn't look away as he lifted another chocolate to her mouth.

She nibbled, raspberry crème and sickeningly sweet, before he was there again, his kiss harsh and urgent, almost satanically good as he quickly stole the small treat. His fingers grazed her face and neck, holding her possessively against his mouth as he went about his sticky, hot work. He lingered a little more this time, trailed fingers through her hair and across her cheek as he pulled away, his breathing rapid against her sensitive lips. His hands slid down her arms, latching onto the padded tops of her gloves till they tugged free from her hands.

"And your turn." He whispered, pressing the other half of gooey raspberry chocolate into her fingers. She stared at it for a second, almost afraid that by indulging in his little kissing game, she'd somehow lose her soul to him. Hesitantly, the little chocolate was lifted to his mouth and she watched, completely mesmerized, as he leaned forward to catch it, and her fingers, between his lips. In the tiny moment between her stomach dropping out and his mouth meeting hers openly, Usagi realized that she'd already lost her soul, and would probably lose everything else in the future, too.

The second the kiss was over, he gripped her hand to bring it back to his face, softly licking the melted chocolate from her fingers before pressing his lips against her palm and wrist. His eyes glittered predatorily, the taiko drum of her heart pummeled her rib cage, and her fingers burned in the cold air between them. He lifted another piece to her mouth and she gobbled it greedily, reaching up to pull his head down for a hot, burning kiss that left the piece a gooey mess between the two of them. The quick, expert strokes of his tongue didn't diminish till long after the fruity candy had been gone for some time and Usagi was infinitely glad to be sitting down.

This time, a little more confident, she stole the other half from his fingers and rolled it, cherry and all, across his mouth. He grinned wickedly, allowing her to do so before mouthing the chocolate, thumb, and forefinger as she shifted to straddle the ledge as he had done. Deliberately, she licked at his lips, suckled softly at the cherry cream, and allowed the chocolate to melt thoroughly before taking her time to clean up the mess. He groaned, utterly enjoying the experience of her soft little tongue delving almost demandingly in his mouth, rubbing against his till he thought he'd go crazy.

And then it was over, and she receded back to sit happily on the ledge. He gulped in an unsteady breath, raggedly wondering if he'd somehow missed a clasp or something last Christmas. Fate certainly couldn't be all that cruel to him, now could it?

"You catch on pretty quick." He murmured quietly, eyes roving her form for any clue to how she de-transformed. The suit was seamless, though; flawless on her perfect body. His jaw clenched painfully as he reminded himself that despite all conclusions to the contrary, Sailor Moon was definitely young. The thought did nothing to dampen his spirits as she drew his cape around her petite shoulders and settled herself down to reach for another chocolate.

"Oh, how sad…" she whimpered, bringing him out of his stupor to note that the box was empty. The adorable pout on her face was enough to make anyone chuckle.

"Trust me, Moon, I got the small box for a reason." She glanced up from the package, slightly miffed at his confession. He settled himself closer to her, arms traveling around her tiny waist till she was flush against his front. "Maybe when you're older, I'll get us a big one that will last us a week or so." He bent, sending a trail of butterfly kisses along her neck.

"That would be a lot of chocolate." She commented breathily, fingers tangling in his hair as he flicked his tongue against her collarbone. He chuckled at her words, slowly working his way back up her neck as his fingers trailed along her arm lightly. Her breath quickened, pulse beating a tattoo against her throat at the feel of his tongue rolling across her skin, the soft, almost fluttering attentions of his lips. She suddenly felt so warm, almost dreamy in his arms as they tightened, his soft mouth as it fused to her skin. She couldn't help the throaty whimper as the butterflies in her stomach tumbled in response to him.

"Mamoru-san," she gulped "wait, please."

He paused instantly, tightening his arms around her as the breath sucked into his lungs again. A slow grimace of will furrowed his brow. She was trembling already, and it was will alone that stopped him. He'd been selfish last time, and had felt guilty for months about it. No way would he make the same mistake twice, especially now that she wasn't fighting against him.

"You're so different. I don't understand how you… You're just…"she struggled momentarily with the thoughts racing through her skull. He was nothing like the jerk he'd been last summer. There was no hint of the selfish man he'd been over Christmas either. "You're not you."

The statement settled like bile in the pit of his stomach.

"What do you mean?" the sweet, salty taste of her skin lingered. He wanted to give in to it again; even as he spoke the words they hovered just barely above the fresh alabaster neck. Anything but talk about that subject. She pushed away, enough to stare at the street below.

"You're usually much more…"

"Bastard?" he tossed in nonchalantly. She gulped, obviously reigning in the word. "Yeah, I'm working on that."

"oh," the tiny sound held a hint of curiosity and confusion. Her mind was churning beneath the wind-tumbling locks. The glittering golden strands billowed before her heart shaped face in the breeze. The silky gloss finish evaded his outstretched fingers as he reached for them.

"What?" he asked quietly. She was still staring at the street below them in silence, brow furrowed.

"I…heard a story from a friend. It just struck me as very odd." curious blue eyes rose to meet him, locking against his as he swept the rest of her hair back. The shadows and moonlight were a perfect mix from this angle. It was a wonder he could sit this close to her, stare into her face, and not have that strange fuzziness draw across his mind.

"About me?" She nodded. "And?" he queried, fingers twirling in impossible long locks. He couldn't count as many times as he'd wondered if her hair really was this long and blond.

"What?" She was obviously trying to hide something. Even sitting on the ledge, she suddenly seemed a little too intent on the roads below them. Staring listlessly downward, her face tilted downward to hide from the gentle touch of the moon above them. More distance from her; he wondered if she would ever be the girl she was before all of this started.

"I can't verify it if I don't know." He whispered finally. Her fingers flicked at some invisible speck on her skirt as she began to breathe slowly again. He was almost positive she hadn't been this tense earlier tonight.

"My friend tripped in your class," the statement was made a smidge too casually for his taste, and he all but pounced on the thought. "…usually you just laugh…"

"How do you know her?" the sharp interruption caught her off guard. His fingers sought her face, turning it back toward his steady gaze. She gulped, staring widely at him. There was no small amount of guarded fear in the silvery blue gaze before him, and suddenly his mind was churning.

"She's a friend."

He forced the grim smile from his face, pushing gentle fingers through her head again. He was scaring her, but not by attitude so much as subject. Why would she be so protective suddenly when her mind had been engaged elsewhere. He tried to stream his thoughts together in a steady, mildly curious question. Too late, the ideas were beginning to form at her terrified expression.

"Does she know who you are?"

"Why, so you can go interrogate her?" her tone was pointed, even confrontational. He grinned in response to it and pressed a kiss to her cheek. The little minx had let something slip, and he'd be stupid not to follow the lead.

"Maybe." He smiled mischievously, winking at her. She was quiet for a moment. This time, lacing the words with good humor, he continued. "You're just out to avoid me altogether, aren't you?"

"Maybe." She grumbled, but didn't resist when he pulled her closer and pressed her head to his chest. He chuckled.

"I love you." he whispered quietly, pressing kisses to her head.

"…I love you, too."

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….

"What the hell do you want?" The harsh young voice ripped the moment the solid thud of the door hit. Mamoru tried consciously not to grind his teeth in agitation. Last night had started something inside of him. Even though he knew that going back here of all places would not answer any real questions for him, he had to try.

"Umi, quit acting like a badass. You're 8." He turned, hardly glancing at the boy as he reached for a chair. "Now, I have a few things I want to talk about, and I'm not leaving till I get answers. For starters, how did you meet Tsukino Usagi?"

The boy stood completely still in the middle of the room, hand still gripping a crumpled piece of grubby paper. His face was a blank mask, his fingers screwed tight against the sheet with such intense ferocity that the knuckles bled white.

"I don't have to tell you."

"You do, and you will. I am not leaving until I have some answers, and you are not moving from this spot until you give them." Menace seethed from every inch of him. He towered darkly over the room, blocking the door from any form of escape. Umi's face screwed up tight.

"I'll scream for the caretaker!"

"She took the kids to the park. Now what?" He leaned back against the door and folded both arms across his chest.

"I'll tell her you touched me!" He screamed, pointing his finger threateningly. Mamoru stifled the evil cackle spawning in the back of his throat. Children could be so predictable.

"I have a camera set up so she can watch the whole encounter."

"You're evil."

"Yes, I am. Now, where did you meet Tsukino Usagi?" Mamoru asked quietly. The somber little boy glanced down at his bed, shaggy brown hair stubbornly jutting off in all directions. His smile returned, soft and wistful through the pain.

"Shingo was my roommate. When they came to pick him up, she played with me."

"Who's that?" Mamoru shook his head in mild irritation. He hadn't asked about some boy, had he?

"Her younger 'brother', idiot!"

Everything began to click into place somewhere in the back of his mind. The flat of his back hit the door as a soft whistle escaped.

"That's…unexpected. I didn't realize her brother was adopted."

Umi snorted and folded his arms, this time in defiance.

"So was she."