A/N: I am having a lot of fun writing this story. I am going to go ahead am move the rating to M as I think I might end up pushing it with the T rating eventually. I think I am still in bounds but want to err on the side of caution. This is AU so my characters are going to be a bit OOC. I started this story while trying not to fall asleep at work and is mainly meant to be funny.
I do want to thank everyone for your reviews. I love to read what people think and will try to answer in a PM if you ask a question and are signed in.
Special thanks to m. , AngelDemonPrankster, and giggles for catching mistakes that I missed. I truly appreciate your pointing them out.
I hope that you guys continue to enjoy this story and I hope it makes you laugh.
Happy Reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
The next morning the students and teachers gathered in the great hall at seven in the morning. Not one student had stayed in bed to sleep in since they wanted to know everything about the new students and they had been promised a story today. Disappointment hung in the air when the travelers were nowhere to be seen. Dumbledore seemed to be concerned when he heard the prefects say that they did not sleep in the house dorms; which meant that he had no idea where they had spent the night and also had been unaware that they had left the wards.
Today was Friday and classes would not begin until Monday; all the students and teachers had one thought on their mind, the dimension travelers. After breakfast had been cleared from the tables, the students remained in the Great Hall and talked quietly to each other. No one wanted to miss the story that that was sure to come once the newcomers showed up.
Conversations could be heard around the room as students and teachers speculated on the possible stories that they might hear. Conversations circulated as everyone tried to remember what they had already learned from the odd students the night before.
They already knew that the new students had blood adopted each other to make one large family on a drunken whim. They also knew that it was another whim that had brought the travelers to the new dimension. They knew that the son of Lucius Malfoy was dating a muggleborn witch, who seemed to like to yell at the decisions the boys made and she would pop them on the back of the head for upsetting her. Actually, it seemed like the whole group would hit Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter when they caused mischief. Those two seemed to be the trouble makers of the group.
The students knew that Daphne Greengrass was snarky and seemed to fit right in with her group. She was a perfect Slytherin lady. Neville Longbottom seemed to be just as quiet if not quieter than Daphne and took enjoyment from the other two boys getting into trouble if his smiles were anything to go by.
The traveler who received the most speculation from the Great Hall was Luna Lovegood. She seemed to be lost in her own little world and it was clear that she had set her dreamy eyes on Severus. The Students in the Great Hall spent a lot of time speculating on what would come of a relationship between the dreamy girl and the quiet, snarky boy.
A few students and teachers that were familiar with the habits of house elves debated on what could have occurred to cause a house elf to be so paranoid as to not allow his charges to eat anything not provided by him. He was also just a bit quirky since he had berated his charges with no thought that he might be punished for being disrespectful. The travelers seemed to be content to let the elf do as he wished.
The students that had sat with the newcomers last night migrated together towards the front of the Great Hall. The marauders and Slytherins traded suspicions glances as they sat at the end of the Gryffindor table near the teachers. The students and teachers looked on at the odd grouping of students that were sitting together with surprise and trepidation but not did not say anything . McGonagall sighed and prepared to reverse the spells that would surely be cast.
On one side of the table Severus Snape, Regulus Black, Lucius Malfoy, and Narcissa Black sat stiffly; they were clearly uncomfortable at having intruded on Gryffindor territory. On the other side of the table Sirius Black, Alice Plunkett, Lily Evens, James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew sat looking uncomfortable at being so close to the Slytherins. Every few minutes one of the boys would trade a sneer with someone from the opposing house but would not give voice to any insults while within hearing range of the teachers. Dumbledore and the other teachers looked down from the teachers table with both amusement and a little bit of worry at the silent battle of wills. It would not be out of the realm of possibility for this group of students to break out in a hex war.
At half past ten, the travelers walked into the crowded Great Hall and looked around at the gathered students and teachers in amusement.
"I guess that explains why it looks like the castle is deserted from the front lawn." Daphne tossed her hair over her shoulder as she looked at the students and teachers sitting at the tables before her.
Harry grinned as he caught sight of the group of students sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table. "Yep" he said popping his p, "People in this dimension are nosey. Look ferret. Our families are sitting together and no one has died yet. Is that a record or something?"
"Probably." Draco drawled as he began to saunter up to join the group at the front of the hall. He pulled Hermione along with him. They settled in-between Draco's parents with Draco giving Narcissa a quick smile and his father a warning glance over the top of Hermione's head. Hermione just smiled at the young blond man beside her as she snuggled up to Draco. Luna followed behind the couple as she skipped over to the table where she poked Regulus and Severus in the sides with pointy fingers. She slid in to the seat between them when they jumped away from her fingers. Both boys looked at her in bemusement as she settled herself; then Severus look turned to one of confused embarrassment as she pulled his arm around her shoulders and snuggled into his side much like Hermione had done with Draco. Severus shot a panicked look over to Regulus who just shrugged and tried not to laugh at his befuddled friend.
On the other side of the table Daphne and Neville claimed seats between Sirius and Alice. Harry simply slid between his parents with a cheeky "Hello Mum, Dad." Both just looked at him like he was an alien to be studied. I suppose I am, in a way. Harry snorted at his inner musings.
Once they were all settled, Kreacher popped in and placed assorted snacks and drinks on the table for his charges to nibble on before popping out again. Everyone watched in silence as the travelers began to munch without saying anything else to those seated around them.
"Ahem." Dumbledore spoke from his position at the head table. "I was quiet worried when I found out that you were no longer behind the wards and that you did not sleep in your house dorms. Would you be so kind as to tell us where you were? It is my duty to ensure your safety, after all. " The Headmaster twinkled down at the students in front of him.
"Of course, Headmaster," Hermione spoke from her position between the two Malfoy men. "We slept in our regular rooms in the castle last night instead of in the dorms. That way we could stay together and would not bother any roommates we may have had, we don't sleep all that well with strangers near us. We left this morning to take care of paperwork at Gringotts. We thought it would take longer than it did, but it is apparently much easier and quicker to complete the process with only eight titles to be claimed and with us not being banned from the bank." Her tone was so matter of fact that several people just blinked at her for a while to process the information they had just gained.
What part of that will be the easiest to get a straight answer to? Regulus stared at the brown haired girl while he tried to make up his mind about what to ask. The banning from Gringotts will probably take longer. With a nod to himself he spoke from the other side of Lucius. "Titles? Which tiles did you claim and what do you mean only eight?" This should be pretty straight forward. Surely." Regulus gave himself a mental pat on the back for asking such a straightforward question. We will come back to the difficulty sleeping and the rooms that they apparently have that are not a part of a dorm.
Eyes around the room fixed onto the travelers as they waited with baited breath for an answer.
"Well, this time we only had to claim eight instead of the ridiculous amount that we claimed last time. Such a good thing that was too, because you would not believe the amount of paperwork that comes from more than twenty titles or dealing with being the adopted sibling of boy wonder here." Daphne's voice was clear and could be heard throughout the hall since everyone was being so quiet. Daphne just gave a smirk in Harry's direction at his disgruntled groan from the nick name. "Daphne Greengrass does not do paperwork." She said with a sniff and a small smile directed at Neville. Neville just rolled his eyes at the girl.
"Not to mention the pressure to produce enough children between the six of us to take up the titles and keep them going in the future. I am so glad that we will not to deal with that." Neville said with a look of relief. They had once worked it out that they would need to have about five children each to give one title to each child. He gave a shudder as he thought about the amount of children they would have been pressured to have.
"Right then, so that means that you lot are not allowed to die without having children or finding other people to take your titles, we have enough. We don't want your titles and or the responsibilities that come with them." Harry had a stern look on his face as he pointed to various people at the table. The stern look did not seem to fit with the personality they had seen so far.
Draco smirked at the raven haired boy in front of him. "You tell them Scar Head. As to the titles we clamed; this time we have the Most Ancient and Most Noble Houses of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Emrys, and LaFey." He ignored the incredulous gasps that rang out through the room. "The Most Noble House of Peverell, the Noble Houses of Selwyn and Turner, and the Honorable House of Tipply. We only took the ones that needed magic requirements met to be revived. All inheritances for everyone should be still intact since these were ones that you would not have had any reason to meet the requirements. Emrys is actually a new one for us since dimensional travel was required. Who knew? " He gave a shrug as he said the last sentence.
Neville nodded as he picked up a peanut butter biscuit from a plate provided by Kreacher. "For Merlin sake, please make babies so that they can inherit the houses of Longbottom, Black, Potter, and Prince. We so don't need to deal with those." Luna giggled at the mention of the Prince line. Severus looked down at the girl that had wiggled into his arms with a fresh wave of panic and a blush staining his cheeks. "It looks like Luna has the Prince line taken care of." Neville hid his smirk behind another cookie before sighing at the thought of their group absorbing another title. Luna was pants at paperwork and he was the one that normally took care of the lion's share of it.
"Oh I am sure that we won't have to deal with quiet so many in this world. We will have to add Slytherin at some point, but really, we should be able to avoid most of them and that should be the only right of conquest one this time. I am sure that Luna here will help with children for any extra houses we end up stuck with." Daphne laughed outright at the now red cheeked Severus Snape sitting across from her. Luna just giggled and wiggled a bit closer to the boy she had snuggled into.
Lucius looked at his friend with both brows raised almost to his hairline. Severus was not a person that allowed people to be in his personal space, but he had not made one snarky comment to the little blond that had stolen his food, hugged him, and now was clinging to him like a limpet. He had also never seen the boy blush. That is fascinating.
"Ah," Dumbledore seemed to be smiling bright enough to light the entire hall. "I am glad that you were able to get everything sorted at Gringotts then; and the rooms that you were staying in…were they perchance the family quarters for the founders?" The travelers all nodded at the Headmasters question. "Wonderful. I don't think anyone has known where they were located for many centuries." He was momentarily distracted when Kreacher popped back in to check on his charges again. That is one seriously dedicated and paranoid house elf. Kreacher glared at the students and teachers that occupied the same room as his charges before popping back out again. Members of the Black family just blinked at the antics of the elf.
"How excellent to have so many extinct houses revived. Very exciting. Now I believe that you were going to tell us a bit about yourselves and I must say, it sounds like you have an exciting story to tell." He beamed down at the travelers that gazed back with smirks and smiles as they nibbled on their snacks. "I guess I better ask our house elves to prepare snacks for the rest of the students. We can't have them feeling like your elf is doing more work than they are." He snapped his fingers and gave instructions to an excited house elf that popped away; soon snacks and drinks popped onto all the tables except for the small section that the newcomers occupied, which was being zealously guarded by Kreacher.
"I guess we can tell you all about us. Where should we start?" Neville mused as he pealed an orange.
"You should start Harry. We should start from before we started school because everything that can go wrong happens to you." Hermione said with a soft smile for her friend. He just could not avoid trouble for anything.
"Or those of us who are stuck with you because we make bad decisions when drunk and end up following you to another world." Daphne said with another smirk. This time she directed the smirk at Sirius Black, who was seated to her left. She had never met him in the previous world, but here he was her age and gave new meaning to the word hot. "What kind of decisions do you make when you are drunk? Hm?" She gave a wink to the black haired boy beside her.
Sirius had always been a bit of a ladies man while at school, but he was completely unprepared for the flirtations of a feisty pureblood witch from an alternate dimension. "Um. What?"
Regulus laughed from his seat across the table. He had never seen his brother at a loss for words when around a witch before. His brother shot him a glare as he continued to snicker along with the Slytherins and the travelers. Even Severus cracked an extremely small smile at the thought of someone else being targeted by a pretty blond witch.
"Daphne dear, do keep in mind that he is still the heir for the Black family, even if his is on the outs with his mother in this dimension. We saw the list of heirs for all the titles that we have the ability to inherit when we went to the bank and he was on it. We are trying to avoid those." Draco said all of this in his bored drawl.
"Hn." She sniffed at the blond boy before turning back to Sirius. "Don't care Draco. He's hot. I think Luna had the right idea to stake her claim early." Both boys at the end of the table gave audible gulps. Luna just giggled as she stole a glance at the boy that still had his arm around her shoulder. She handed him a chocolate biscuit since he looked a bit pale from panicking.
Neville just gave a moan and thunked his head onto the table. Daphne hated to do paperwork since it could leave ink stains. Nope, Sirius is just going to have to do his own damn paperwork. He sat back up and shot a glare at the confused marauder at the end of the table. He was not sure if he should be more concerned about the pretty girl who just talked about putting a claim on him or the boy that was glaring from her other side. He shot a wide eyed look to James who was sitting down the table, but James was not paying him any attention.
Dumbledore cleared his throat again to move the teens along. I wonder if they were always this easily distracted? He twinkled down at his newest source of amusement.
"That's me then. Alright then. Humm…I guess it started the night Voldemort came for us." Gasps echoed around the room and Dumbledore sat forward in his chair in surprise. The travelers were the only ones not to react to the sound of the name being spoken out loud. In fact, all but Luna and Neville rolled their eyes at the reaction the hall gave from hearing the name. "You have to understand, that in our world a lot of you died and some of your counterparts did horrible things that will not be easy for you to hear. The people we will be talking about are different from you and though similar, will probably not be exactly the same in how they act or their decisions. Should I continue?" Harry looked around to see if anyone wanted him to stop the story. When he received no calls for him to stop he nodded and continued.
"Before I was one year old, Voldemort heard a prophecy that foretold of a child born as the seventh month died that would have the power to defeat him and that the baby would be marked as his equal. Divination is all rubbish, but he believed it, so he came after our family to try and kill me before I could become a threat to him. Neville could have been his target but he chose me for reasons that I will explain later. My parents hid us under the Fidelius Charm, but were betrayed by their secret keeper." Gasps were again heard throughout the room at the fact that someone had dared to break a Fidelius charm covenant. It was a great honor to be asked to be a secret keeper and required unwavering trust in the person that was taking on the mantel of the secret. "Voldemort came on Halloween and killed my parents. My mum begged for my life to be spared and stood between Voldemort and my crib. He killed her with the killing curse. When he tried to use the same curse on me, my mother's sacrifice protected me, causing his curse to rebound on himself, destroying his body, and leaving me with this scar." He raised his fringe to show the lightning bolt scar on his forehead.
"You survived the killing curse?" Narcissa whispered from across the table with a look of shock breaking her normal mask. Mouths across the room had dropped as Harry began his story. No one had expected this and he had just begun to tell his story.
"More than once, actually." Eyes bulged out as people processed the words that Hermione had said in reply to Narcissa's question. Hermione could not help but chuckle at the looks she was getting from everyone around the room.
Daphne took her eyes away from Sirius long enough to add, "why do you think I call him boy wonder?" she then turned her gaze back to the boy beside her, nibbling on a biscuit while making a plan of attack.
"Anyways. I was dubbed "The Boy Who Lived" and was taken to my aunt and uncle's house to be raised."
Lily looked horrified. She may have not have given much attention to James, but she was positive that he had no siblings. "You can't be talking about Petunia. She hates magic!"
"She defiantly hates magic. Unfortunately so did her husband and their son." Harry looked sadly at the young version of his mother. "I grew up sleeping in a cupboard under the stairs." Harry had to stop when he said this as the hall was now full of students from all houses yelling and asking how someone could do that to a magical child. He finally resorted to casting a Sonorous charm. "It's alright. Everyone calm down. Thank you." As the hall finally quieted he canceled the charm. "You guys are going to hear a lot that you don't like. I haven't exactly had a quiet life. I am alright though and obviously I am in a whole new dimension and will never see those people again." He traded exasperated looks with his fellow travelers. "This is going to take forever, maybe I should have skipped that part."
"Yes it is and no, you had to include it as it kind of explains your demented saving people thing." Draco said with a smirk. Harry had never liked being the center of attention, and he was going to have to deal with a lot of attention as he told their story.
"Shut it ferret." Harry gave the blond a stubborn look. "And I don't have a saving people thing." Snorts were heard from all of the travelers.
"Bullies, escaped convicts." Piped in Luna.
"Snakes." Shuddered Daphne.
"Hippogriffs and werewolves." Draco smirked. Remus paled at the mention of werewolves.
"Dragons." Neville shook his head Harry's continued denial of his saving people thing.
"Trolls, Dragons again, stone, insane megalomaniacs, the mermaids, Dobby, Snuffles…" Hermione was ticking off instances where Harry had rushed in because he felt that someone had to do the right thing when Harry interrupted her with a blush.
"Alright. Alright fine, I have a bloody saving people thing. Moving on."
The hall was quiet through this interaction and brows across the room rose with each incident that was mentioned. How on earth had they been faced with that much or been in contact with those creatures to begin with.
Regulus was looking at the travelers through squinted eyes, trying to decide if it was worth it to ask a question or to wait for the story to get to these parts for explanation. I will just keep notes on my questions so that I don't miss anything. With his new plan decided and a mental nod to himself, he summoned a parchment and quill and quickly wrote down the instances of Harry's saving people thing down. Lucius nodded his head when he saw what the younger Slytherin was writing. He thought it was too much of a risk to ask a question and distract the group, who had what appeared to be small attention spans.
Severus frowned and looked down at the blond girl that was still attached to him. How was she involved in all that stuff? He was not sure why, but the thought of the small girl messing with any of those creatures made him want to hex someone. Luna giggled at his expression and held a sugar biscuit up to his lips. He just sighed and took the cookie before taking a bite. Apparently today she is not stealing my food but instead is force feeding me. This can't be normal behavior for a girl. He shot a surreptitious look across the table to Black and saw the other blond eating pieces of fruit in a manner that could not possibly be appropriate for public. He looks flustered though. These girls are weird.
"The Dursleys hated anything that was different, so they would call me freak or boy most of the time. I did most of their chores. And, well, okay, life with the Dursleys sucked. I would get punished for any accidental magic I did and they told me that magic did not exist, so I was very surprised when I found out about Hogwarts and stuff." Harry did not sound upset at all while he talked about his magic hating relatives.
James looked at the boy that looked so much like him with a bit of sadness. This may not be his son, but he could not help but feel some type of connection to him and he felt bad for the way he had grown up without his alternate self. I need to send an owl to Mother and Father…but how am I going to tell them that I have a son my age without them thinking I am pulling a prank? Who would possibly take this at face value?
"Well, once I finally got my letter, which was a big ordeal that we won't get into, I went shopping in Diagon Alley for the first time ever. It was wonderful and I met the first person my own age, Draco Malfoy, who was the master of being a first class git. I didn't like him much since he was a snob and completely full of himself. I also received my first gift, Hedwig. It was so exciting to see everything and see magic. Once September came around and I was on the train, I made my first friend, a boy named Ron. Ron and I sat and ate candy for most of the ride while Ron would try to cast spells on his pet rat, Scabbers. Hermione came by our compartment with Neville here, who had lost his toad, so that is how I met him. Draco also came by to trade insults and to secure his place as my childhood rival."
Draco snorted. "Good times." His comment garnered a few odd stares from those around them.
"Yep." Harry smiled over at Draco. "After we were sorted, things were fairly normal I guess. For a while anyways."
Hermione leaned into Draco as she picked up their story. "We went to classes and one of the worst ones was Potions. Severus Snape taught that class and he was very intimidating. Luna will have to work on his ability to make small Hufflepuffs cry. Probably not a good trait to have in the father of her children."
All eyes few to stare at the black haired boy who was now was looking at the brown haired girl with wide eyes. I teach potions? I am intimidating? Wait…father of whose children? He was started out of his musings by a small giggle coming from the girl that was still attached to his side. He gave a small sigh as he looked down in to wide blue eyes that were staring at him with a look that he was not familiar with. He had tried to remove his arm and scoot away a few times, but she seemed to have stuck herself to him somehow. It certainly was not because he liked being this close to the strange girl. Must be some sort of sticking spell. Why is she looking at me like that? His cheeks flushed red again as he turned his attention back to the snacks in front of him only to have another biscuit placed at his lips.
Hermione and Daphne giggled at the confused look on Severus's face. Daphne continued where Hermione left off. "The other class that was just awful that year was Defense. The Professor stuttered so much that we could not understand anything. Not to mention the smell and the fact that he jumped at every sound. He was utterly useless as a teacher. I will say that our Severus Snape made sure that all his Slytherins could pass the tests at the end of the year by tutoring us. " She then turned her attention back to the boy beside her. Her eyes dropped to half-mast as she picked up a strawberry. Sirius just looked helplessly at the beautiful girl beside him. He would be taking a cold shower tonight.
"On Halloween of that year, someone let a troll into the castle." Gasps were again heard around the room. Maybe we should get some of those muggle bags for people to breathe into. They might pass out if they keep gasping like that. Neville shrugged the thought off for later consideration in case someone passed out and continued. "Harry and Ron left the group headed to the common room to find Hermione, who had been in the bathroom crying because Ron was a prat."
Hermione blushed as attention in the room swung to her. "Up until then, I had not made any friends yet. I was lonely and sad and he was a jerk that said something very rude to me."
Draco hugged the girl closer as he turned his attention to the Headmaster. "Yes he was a prat. Sir. If someone ever runs into this room yelling about a troll in the dungeon, please don't send Slytherin and Hufflepuff to their common rooms." The Headmaster blinked at the new Malfoy before nodding. It was certainly a request he could grant and it made perfect sense. Would not want to be responsible to send students into an area where there may be a dangerous creature.
Harry nodded at the suggestion before picking up the story. "Well, I talked Ron into going for Hermione. We found her in a bathroom with the troll already inside with her. I might have jumped on its back and suck my wand up its nose before Ron was able to use a spell to knock him out with his own club."
Silence blanketed the Great Hall as Harry looked at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing that he had ever seen. Lily and James were sitting in their seats looking at Harry with stunned expressions. Remus and Peter were on the other side of James and were looking around him at the boy with their mouths open. Sirius had blinked and finally pulled his eyes away from Daphne to look at the boy while continuing to blink as if he was still processing the story that he had only been listening to with half an ear. Alice looked like she was about to hyperventilate or cry. She gave Neville a strange look when he handed her a brown paper sack.
Across the table Severus again looked at Luna as if to see if she had anything to do with this craziness and was rewarded with another biscuit. Lucius was pinching the bridge of his nose and had his eyes closed. Regulus was mimicking his brother and blinking a lot while looking at his parchment. He had no idea what he wanted to ask or write down. Narcissa looked as though her expression could not settle on shocked or appalled.
The teachers table was full of teachers with appalled looks on their pale faces. McGonagall finally regained herself enough to smack the Headmaster on the back of his head while whispering loud enough for the hall to hear. "I know that was somehow your fault. You are to make sure that never happens here or you will not like what happens. Do you understand, Albus?" The Headmaster just nodded at the irate Scottish witch beside him.
The travelers snickered behind their hands as they watched the teachers table.
Their attention was brought back to their table when Lucius finally took a deep breath before speaking with his fingers still pinching the bridge of his nose as if he had the worst migraine possible. "Let me see if I understand this correctly. You found yourself in a bathroom with a troll, and you jumped on it, and then you…stuck…your…wand…up its…nose?" The look of utter disgust and disbelief caused the travelers to break out in snickers again.
Harry took a moment to pull himself together before responding to the blond across from him.
"Um, well yes. That is what happened." Lucius just gave a small nod before closing his eyes again.
Narcissa was looking at the boy beside her with wide eyes. He wasn't even in the bathroom with the troll, but she could not help but envision him in that situation, especially since he was a blood adopted sibling of the crazy boy across the table. Surely he would stay away from the craziness. Her eyes swung back to the messy haired boy before her with narrowed eyes as if to determine how much of a bad influence he had been on her other self's son. Her gaze switched to James before widening once more. His mother is Dorea Black. That is why they are crazy. They are of Black blood and have a bit of Black madness. Oh this explains so much about James Potter and Sirius. Their craziness accumulates into Harry. Oh Merlin, the blood adoption would have just made them worse. They are going to try and make me crazy just from telling me this cursed story. Harry watched her expression flow from one to another before finally settling on resignation. He had never seen her so expressive before and wondered where her mind was.
"Ahem." Dumbledore looked as if he had no idea what to say to the travelers. They had faced a troll, alone, when they were first years. Nothing like that had ever happened in Hogwarts history. "I promise to do everything I can to ensure that something like that never happens in this world. I am so glad that all of you came out of your first year surviving the troll. Things like that should not happen."
"Don't worry Professor. We did survive first year and the troll was only the first major thing that we came across." Hermione said absently while picking through a bowl of fruit looking for some pear pieces.
"What could possibly be worse than a troll?" McGonagall looked at the travelers while clutching at her chest. She just knew that the next generation of Potter was going to see her to her grave before it had a chance to be born to this world.
"Oh, well. Um." Hermione shot a glance to Neville and looked to be having a silent conversation. "There was the first time we met Fluffy. Nasty shock that was."
Severus sneered and broke his silence. "Who in blue blazes is Fluffy?"
Neville smiled at the boy across the table and said without changing his expression. "He was Hagrid's pet Cerberus that was in the third floor corridor."
Severus stared at the sandy haired boy with shock before taking a bite of the biscuit that Luna held up to his mouth. His eyes snapped back to her as a flush covered his cheeks again when he realized that he had just eaten from her hand. Neville chuckled at the looks he was getting from different people in the room but quickly sobered and looked contrite when he saw the glare coming from Alice.
"What were you doing near a Cerberus?" She shrieked causing a few males to wince.
"It was Draco's fault." He pointed to the blond across the table while looking at the young version of his mum in apprehension.
"Oy!" Draco called from across the table. "How is that my fault you bloody poof?"
"The duel, you great tosser." Neville threw a carrot stick at the blond, who snatched the carrot stick from the air.
"Oh, right. My fault then." He crunched into the carrot stick with a smirk. Lucius pinched his nose again. He had just managed to sit properly again a few moments before, but he could feel the migraine gain a bit of power at words from his alternate self's son.
Regulus looked from Draco to his parchment, then to Neville and then back again to his parchment, which he noticed was quickly filling up with tiny questions. After another internal debate he voiced his next quarry. "Okay, why was there a duel, and what does that have to do with a Cerberus?" He would probably find out why there was a Cerberus in the school if they continued with the story.
Harry perked up. "Ah, see, that is what I meant by the ferret being my school nemesis." He smiled brightly at the befuddled students and teachers around the room. "He was being a jealous prat because I got a broom from McGonagall since I made seeker, which was his fault too, and insults were traded and he challenged me to a duel at midnight."
"You made seeker your first year?" James and Sirius both blurted out at the same time. "First years never make the team." Harry was getting a few appraising looks from around the room, including Lucius who had finally stopped pinching the bridge of his nose again.
McGonagall was blinking at the thought of buying a first year a broom and allowing them on the Quidditch team. Her eyes sparkled for a moment before remembering that Harry had been sorted into Slytherin. Apparently he had been sorted into a different house from his last world. She gave a sigh and hoped that Professor Slughorn would forget about the fact that Slytherin had a new student who had been able to make a team first year. She did not have high hopes that the captain of the team would miss the chance to use the boy to get the cup. Ah yes, she could already see Lucius eyeing the boy as if trying to gauge his talent from across the table.
"Yes, but it was kind of an accident that I made the team. McGonagall saw me catch something that Malfoy threw when we were having our first flying lesson; it was pure chance that she saw it." Harry just ignored the incredulous stares being aimed his way. "Now where was I, right, so when King Prat here did not show for the duel, we heard Filch coming and made a run for it. Hermione, Ron, and Neville were all with me. We got lost since we had not been in the castle long enough to find our way around yet. We found a door that was locked, Hermione opened it with Alohomora and we hid in there until Filch left. Neville had his back to the door and got my attention. When I turned around, there were three great big heads slobbering all over the place and growling at us. I am fairly certain that if we had not run back to the common room, it would have tried to eat us." Harry had used his hands to make an gesture to show how big the heads were as he talked.
Lily covered her mouth as she looked at her son in horror. The other dimension could be damned, this was her son no matter who had given birth to him and he had just said that he had faced a troll and a Cerberus in his first year. She burst into sobs and pulled Harry's head to her chest in a tight hug as she ran her hand through his hair. A few moments later Alice followed suit with loud sobs as she clutched at Neville. Narcissa was much more dignified as she clutched Draco to her and cried silently. All three girls were ignoring the incredulous looks they were getting as they held tight to the boys in their arms.
No one knew what to say to the three hysterical girls as they smothered their sons, until Daphne sighed and spoke up after taking a break from teasing Sirius. How could she tease him when he was distracted by the three girls, including Narcissa Black, who were trying to suffocate three of her adopted siblings? "You might want to ease up there ladies. It would be a shame if they survived all our years at Hogwarts only to be suffocated by the abundance of your breasts. If you kill them now Luna and I will have to find Hermione a new man and then we will have to produce at least three more babies, it will be a whole big deal. Probably better to just let them breathe." She shot a wink at Sirius who was now staring at her with wide eyes. "Unless you are…up for it?" She laughed as he just blinked at her.
Luna just giggled again as Severus paled at Daphne's words. He did not even blink when another biscuit was held to his lips. I don't think I have ever eaten so many biscuits. He sighed as he looked down at the girl who had not moved since she had sat down. She seemed perfectly comfortable.
The three girls immediately released the boys, only to hover and stroke their hair and backs when they sat up and began gasping for air. Once the boys had settled down, they were startled to have the three girls pull them back into their arms in a way that allowed them to breathe.
Narcissa was the one to speak as Lily and Alice were taking a bit longer to gain their composure. "You may continue with the story Harry dear."
He blinked at her from his place in Lily's arms. "Um. Ok Ms. Malfoy…sorry, Ms. Black."
"Oh no dear, you are my nephew, you will call me Aunt Cissy." She gave him a small smile but had an expression on her face that showed that she was resolute in her decision.
"Um, what?" Harry was not the only one that was blinking at the blond girl in confusion. "We are the same age, wont that be a bit weird?"
"You have obviously been deprived of a good upbringing and good role models when it comes to family members. You will call me Aunt Cissy and Lucius Uncle Luc. All of you." Lucius sputtered at this but quickly donned his calm mask at a glare from Narcissa. "Age has nothing to do with family and you are all in need of good family. Oh except you dear." She turned to Hermione who blinked at the abrupt change of subject. "As you are dating my son you will call me mum and Lucius dad like Draco will. No arguments from either of you." She gave a sniff and released Draco while turning her nose in the air. Draco and Hermione were looking at her in shock. Even Draco had not called his mother and father Mum and Dad.
Alice and Lily quickly agreed with Narcissa and insisted that the travelers call them Mum and Dad on the part of James and Frank when Alice could get ahold of him. They also insisted that the others call them aunt and uncle depending on who was being addressed. The travelers were so stunned that they did not even make a face when they were told the Peter Pettigrew was Uncle Pete.
Severus was not happy at being dubbed Uncle Sev because his alternate-self had been godfather to Draco. Apparently his alternate-self had dumped a bunch of crazy people on him. He was distracted from the horrifying thought of a Potter calling him Uncle by Luna kissing his cheek and assuring him that she would not call him Uncle, only to turn beet red when she began to whisper in his ear the exception to that assurance.
Sirius was hearing a similar conversation but had a completely different reaction than Severus. He raised his brows and looked at the girl beside him with contemplation.
After watching the girls break down and claim family rights to the travelers, Remus decided to see if they could find out anything else from the group today. He had never known anyone to have such an anxiety causing life and with the new family claim, he was going to feel like these people were a part of his pack. The need to know what else had happened to them was about to make him lose control of his wolf. "So, you made it back to the common room. That's good, and you never saw Fluffy again, did you." He winced at the looks traded between Harry and Hermione.
Peter spoke from beside Remus. "What happened next?"
"I guess Christmas was next." Harry mused.
"No Harry. That bloody Quidditch match was next." Hermione said with a snarl as she remembered having to watch Harry almost get thrown from his broom.
"Oh right," he shot a worried look at his…mum…before continuing. He just knew that he was going to be suffocated before he was done with this story. "Well, first match was against Slytherin. I was looking for the snitch, and someone may have jinxed the broom to try and make me fall off." Gasps were heard around the room again. Alice looked a little pale so Neville showed her how to breathe into her bag while assuring her that Harry was alive and doing just fine. "Caught the snitch and won though."
Draco snorted. "Almost swallowed it, you mean. You have to be the only person in history to catch a snitch with your mouth."
Eyes were shifting from Draco to Harry and back again while the students and teachers thought about what they heard. Regulus just stared at Harry with his quill poised above his parchment. "You caught it in your mouth while your broom was being jinxed?" He whispered.
"Um, yep." Harry said with a popping the p.
"That is awesome." Harry grinned at the whispered words from Regulus. After a few more moments where Regulus blinked at Harry, Harry began to shift in his seat uncomfortable with all the stares he was getting. Regulus returned to writing on his parchment. Maybe it won't be so terrible to have a blood connection to these people. I wonder when I can see him play.
"Then it was Christmas." Neville decided it was time to move on so his mum could stop breathing in the bag and clutching at his arm with her sharp nails. Maybe he would not sit next to her next time if she was going to bruise him up and try to suffocate him. Mums are strange.
"Best Christmas ever. That is when Dumbledore sent me my dad's invisibility cloak." Harry said proudly. He grinned wider at the groans from the marauders and the whispers this statement caused to spread around the room. He laughed with the students when McGonagall smacked the back of the Headmaster's head again and then sat glaring at him.
"Oh., my boy, I know that must have been exciting for you. However, the cloak will have to be confiscated. Both of them." He then clapped his hands and called for a house elf named Taffy. "Taffy, please locate and confiscate the invisibility cloak in James Potters room. " James thunked his head on the table as the elf popped away. "Harry, my boy, please turn yours over."
Harry looked from his dad, who was now hitting his head against the table in despair with Remus rubbing his back as if he were comforting a child. "Mione, should I fix it?"
Hermione immediately shook her head, catching the attention of everyone in the hall, including James who lifted his head to look at her with a question in his eyes. "No Harry, you can't." She continued to shake her head. "It could have awful consequences."
"But it would be funny, Mione. It would make him happy." He raised one brow as he smiled at her. Those around them that were not a part of the group got the strange impression that he was not talking about James. Dumbledore looked on in confusion. "It would make him happy and would make me laugh, and I have not had enough laughter in my life, Mione." Harry gave her his best puppy dog eyes.
Hermione snorted at the obvious manipulation before sighing. "You do realize he is going to go barmy, right?" When Harry just smiled, she waved her hand. "Do what you want Harry. If this goes pare shaped, I will kill you with a spoon."
"You know you love me, Hermione. Kreacher!" He called abruptly, startling most of the people in the hall, except for the travelers and most of the Slytherins, who had more poise than to be startled by such a common thing. Kreacher popped in and waited for his master to tell him what he needed. "Kreacher." Harry looked at the elf with a look of innocence that it amazed the marauders and frightened McGonagall. He looked positively angelic. "Headmaster Dumbledore just tried to confiscate my cloak, and he did just confiscate my dad's. Kreacher, they are family heirlooms." Harry gave a sad look to the house elf that had started to vibrate with anger.
The travelers all tried to hide their faces to hide their smiles and giggles. Severus did not even notice that he had placed his hand on the back of Lunas head as she giggled into his chest. He just continued to stare at this new drama unfolding before him.
Dumbledore looked upset with the goings on. "Now it is just…"
Dumbledore was flabbergasted when the elf turned on him and began to rant and wave a finger in his face. "Bad Dummbles-e-door. You is not being in charge of family heirlooms. Dummbles-e-door is not to be taking mys masters things. Kreacher is a good elf and is not being allowing yous to do anys such thing." The elf then turned back to the table. "Master Harry's dad is being having a bad house elf. Kreacher is being fixing it." With these parting words, Kreacher popped out, leaving a shocked room in his wake. The Great Hall did not have time to recover when Kreacher popped back into the room while holding onto a smaller female elf. "You is being Master Harry's dad's nanny elf. You is being a bad elf by letting Dummbles-e-door take yours Master James's cloak. You is being learning hows to bes a good elf from Kreacher because he is being a good elf. You is first to be getting your Master James's cloak."
The elf that Kreacher had kidnaped from the Potter manor burst into sobs at being called a bad elf and popped away, only to reappear and hand James his invisibility cloak. All the while she was apologizing to the befuddled teen for being a bad elf. She then took it back and said that she would be putting it in a safe place for her master. James just sat at the table with his hands out as if he was still holding his cloak as he stared his elf. When Kreacher nodded at her approvingly, she popped away still sobbing. Kreacher gave one last glare to the Headmaster before popping away to train the Potter nanny elf how to take care of her master better.
Harry burst out laughing, followed by Draco, Neville and the girls. Everyone else just seemed to be in shock at what they just saw. There were more than a few that did not even notice that lunch had appeared on the tables. They snapped out of their shock however, when Kreacher popped in to place plates before the travelers and their new family. Kreacher was determined to serve them too so that nothing would happen to them. It would make his masters upset if something happened to their family. Kreacher shot suspicious looks at the headmaster the entire time that he served his family while muttering about training the other elf, causing Harry to laugh uncontolably.