A/N Thank you so much for the reviews. I will continue to try to answer any questions that I can. I am so glad that so many of you have found my story to be funny. I am having a great time writing it and hearing what y'all think.
I am very sorry that it took me this long to update. The chapters for this story seem to end up being longer than I planed on, and so I am going to try to keep my word count down and split the chapters so that they are easier for me to edit and get them posted faster. There are a lot of characters to write for and I don't want to feel like I am leaving anyone out since they are all so funny in their own way. Keeping my word count down to between 4,000 and 5,000 will work much better since I was already at 10,000 for this chapter and no where near done with what I wanted to write.
Also- I did go ahead and change the rating from T to M as I think I will be pushing the T rating with language and possible parings. I thought it was better to err on the side of caution so I went ahead and changed it before I forgot.
Happy Reading
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
Lunch was a quiet affair as most of the students were still in shock from listening to what they had already heard of the the travelers' story, and partly because of the elf that had just berated the headmaster and was apparently now training the Potter elf on how to act more like him. Even the end of the Gryffindor table where the travelers were sitting was silent.
The travelers were content to eat the light lunch that Kreacher had provided. James just looked at his plate that held chicken sandwiches in shock. He looked over to Remus to check and see if he had just seen the same thing that he had. When Remus and Peter verified that Kreacher had indeed kidnapped his nanny elf and made her cry before having her steal back the invisibility cloak from the Headmaster, he just nodded and looked back at his plate.
Lily and Alice seemed to be picking at their food while watching Harry and Neville eat. They apparently wanted to make sure that they were getting enough food. Both boys felt a bit uncomfortable under the stares of the girls that had insisted they call them mum. They both were thinking that their mums were extremely strange.
Sirius Black could not take his eyes off of the girl beside him. She was eating her lunch, but she was watching his expression while she ate. His eyes barely moved from her lips as they seemed to caress her food and he eventually began to shift uncomfortably in his seat. At his discomfort she allowed a smile to spread across her lips. Sirius was just too easy to tease.
Across the table, Severus was staring bemusedly at the girl beside him. She had filled his plate with food and then proceeded to share his plate with him. She never even touched the plate that had appeared in front of her. She had made sure to fill his plate with things that would not have to be cut up so that there would be no need for him to remove his arm from around her since she was apparently going to feed him again. She had batted his hand away from the plate as he had reached for a small sandwich. His expression turned to one of suspicion as he looked down into her smiling face. She should have been sorted into Slytherin. I am pretty sure that she is manipulating me with food. She just looks so sweet and innocent though. Why is she looking at me like that? What does that look mean? He turned his attention back to his plate as he watched her pick food from it. Girls are strange.
Regulus would snicker at the plight of both Sirius and Severus before turning his attention back to his parchment. He wanted to add any questions he had that had not been answered yet while it was still quiet and he had a chance to think without being shocked by information overload.
Lucius was also picking at his food while stealing glances at the girl beside him. Her manners are perfect. If I had not been told I would never have known that she was a mudblood. I suppose that she is pretty. Hn. I will wait to see if she is suitable to be a part of the Malfoy family before saying anything. I don't want to anger Draco. He keeps looking at me like he might actually hit me if I say anything to her. How plebeian. He wrinkled his nose for a moment while dwelling on the thought that he might actually get physically hit by his own blood. My son is a bit strange.
Narcissa sat at her seat beside her son as if it was an everyday occurrence. She had her mask back in place and was silently observing those around her with a clam grace. The travelers all were eating with good manners so she would not have to give instruction in table etiquette. The cogs in her mind began to turn as she began to think of advantageous matches for the group that she had claimed as family. Her son would do well with the muggleborn. It did not look as though they would allow themselves to be separated anyways and she could tell that there was much more to this girl than they knew about as of this moment. The Daphne girl seemed to want Sirius, Narcissa could not figure out what the attraction was to the crazy boy, but they would complement each other very well with her light looks and his dark. Maybe she will be able to rein him in some. A woman strong enough to deal with him will be a great woman to be associated with the Black family. I will have to teach her some spells for keeping men in line. The same could be said for the couple across from them. Severus would be a good match for Luna. She also did not see Luna allowing parchment to get between her and her choice of companion, so she would not have to do much there. I am sure that she will deal well with his snarkyness since she is so airy. I wonder if he will be able to deal with her. Now she just had to see about Neville and Harry. Who could she match them up with? She pursed her lips as she continued to stare at the boys in question with a thoughtful look on her face. Both boys paled at being the subject of such a gaze.
"Oy! Farret!" Harry called across the table as he tossed a piece of bread at the blond. Draco looked up with a frown at having been pelted with bread. He raised his brow at the messy headed teen across from him. "What's up with your mum? Why is she looking at us like that?" Harry sounded as panicked as he looked at the girl in question.
Draco turned his attention to his mum. After a moment of observing her observing the two boys on the other side of the table, he winced and turned back to the nervous boys. Lily and Alice were looking on in interest so that they would know what was going on. "Sorry Potty, that is mum's matchmaking face. She is thinking of who she can marry you off too." He looked back at his mum with an assessing gaze. "I did not know she had that look back when she was at Hogwarts. Impressive." With this last comment he turned back to lunch and his conversation with Hermione ignoring the horrified looks coming from his blood brothers. If they did not want to be subjected to matchmaking they should have grabbed a guy or girl and snogged the living daylights out of them already.
Neville and Harry traded panicked looks. Both boys gave an "eep" as their mums began to converse about what a good idea it was for the boys to find someone to spend their lives with while in this dimension. The boys looked on in horror as the three girls began to name names and pick the candidates apart. Lily summoned parchment and quill and began to make lists.
Alice was looking at the list before she got a quizzical look on her face and turned to the boys. "I am so sorry, we forgot to ask. Do you prefer girls or boys?"
Both boys just looked at the girls in horror. "What?"
"Well, we will need to know so that we can find you a girlfriend…or boyfriend as the case may be." Lily said with a smile. "Don't you boys want to be happy?" She had already started a list of available boys that she knew.
James leaned forward to whisper "Moony" in her ear causing yet another boy to look at the girls in horror.
"Me?" Remus squeaked from his place beside James. All the girls noticed that Neville blushed at the outburst from the other boy causing a few raised brows and Lily to make a note on her list.
Remus was looking at the girl with pink cheeks as she noted his name down in a column under Neville's name. Both boys made sure to avoid eye contact as they continued to blush.
The girls were waiting on Harry to answer their question about his sexual preference when the doors to the great hall burst open and an elegant woman with dark hair pulled into a bun entered the room on the arm of an older version of James Potter. Harry was extremely grateful with the timely interruption. It's bad enough we have to talk about my life story here but now they want to arrange the rest of it too. Is this normal parent stuff? I wonder if Draco and I could manage to do the spell again…maybe we would end up in a world made of treacle tart…no that is stupid…Hermione would kill us for sure.
"James Henry Potter. Would you like to explain why Lala appeared in the manor and is following me around apologizing for being a bad elf and crying all over the place?" Students all over the Hall winced in sympathy at the familiar sound of an irate mother. "What have you done? What have you and Sirius done now?" Sirius sunk in his seat as James looked at his mother in panic. "Well?" She raised one brow as she looked from her son to his cousin and back again.
James pointed at Harry in desperation, who had a sandwich paused halfway to his mouth. "It was his fault!" Harry just blinked at being under the stare of yet another woman. Are all women so bloody scary? Hn…maybe I should tell them that I like guys. That way they won't introduce me to another scary female and at least I understand how a guy thinks.
"And who is this?" She asked as she studied the boy who looked a lot like her son and husband. She turned narrowed eyes towards her husband. He was looking at the boy in confusion.
"Um, well…see, I was going to send you an owl." James looked from Harry and back to his mother. "This is Harry. Harry Potter." As James said Potter, the woman's expression turned to positively vicious. She was about to tear into her husband when James continued. "He is my son." Her eyes widened as she turned to look back at her son.
"I beg your pardon?" She hissed incredulously.
James winced. "Well…what happened was this… they got drunk," Dorea Potter turned narrowed eyes on the rest of the teens at the table. The ones from her dimension all pointed discreetly at the newcomers. Everyone knew not to make one of the Black women angry. Narcissa was the only exception as she was still sitting quietly in her seat observing the others. "and Harry and Draco did a spell that they did not research, and they all ended up here because they had blood adopted one another because they were drunk before this time, and Hermione said that the adoption affected all them and brought all of them here instead of just Harry and Draco. Malfoy." He finished lamely while looking at his mother. His father was just looking at him like he had lost his mind. Thinking back to what he just said he realized that it did not make much sense.
"I see." Said Dorea quietly.
Lucius cleared his throat. "They have been explaining what happened in their world before they ended up here, Lady Potter."
Narcissa nodded as she looked into the other woman's eyes. "Yes, and I am not happy with what they have been through. I have placed a Black family claim on them, Aunt Dorea. Lily and Alice followed with their own claims. All of them are blood siblings except Hermione and Draco, my son, who are dating."
Dorea looked at the girl that she had not seen since she was a small child with calculation. "Very well. I am sure that you do the Black family proud with your claim, Narcissa. Now while you introduce me to everyone, I think Henry here should collect a few people for the rest of the explanation that I am sure will very interesting. Henry dear, please get Abraxas as that young man is clearly a Malfoy. You, young man look like a Longbottom?" She asked of Neville, when he nodded she continued. "So collect Frank Longbottom, I believe he is an auror." She looked at the two blond girls for a moment before making their family connections in her mind. Also collect the Lovegoods as it appears that they have a daughter of their house here. I suppose you are a Greengrass?" She asked Daphne who just nodded. "Hn. They are in France or something right now. I don't know if we can contact them."
"Oh don't worry, Lady Potter." Daphne said with a smirk. "I wouldn't want them here anyway. They positively hate each other and would try to find ways to marry me to some hideous old man so that they could have access to my money. It is truly no loss not to have them here."
Dorea Potter stared at the girl for a few more moments before nodding in agreement. She had never liked Athena Flint and she was even worse to be around since she married into the Greengrass family. She looked at Hermione with a contemplative look on her face. "And what family are you from dear? I am normally good at placing people but am unable to think of one for you."
"Oh that's alright Lady Potter, I am muggleborn. You don't have to bother contacting anyone. My family is already here."
Dorea Potter's eye brows climbed into her hairline. A Black had placed a familiar claim on a muggleborn. Well this is just fascinating. She nodded at the group that was looking back at her with varying degrees of interest. "Very well, then I think the last that would need to be collected would be Burggie and Orion as they are head of the black family. Make sure that they get here quickly dear. I will just wait here while these young ladies and men catch me up on what has been going on." Henry nodded and disappeared back through the door to collect those that his wife had mentioned. Sirius had shrunk a bit more into his seat at the mention of his mother.
As lunch continued, Dorea conjured a plush chair behind Harry and James so that she would be close to the two boys as they explained everything to her. James began by introducing Lily. Lily was shy as she was introduced to the intimidating woman but quickly warmed up as she began to explain what her son had been through in that other world. Dorea was impressed with her maternal instincts and decided that she would make a good match for her James. She was also appalled by what she was learning about the travelers' lives in the other world.
The doors to the great hall opened again and a very blond, aristocratic man walked in. Once they spotted a pale Lucius sitting at the Gryffindor table, he raised his brow at the seating arrangement and approached their son. He had never seen Gryffindors and Slytherins sitting together voluntarily. "Lucius, do you care to explain why Henry Potter just told me that I must come to Hogwarts immediately?" His eyes were roaming the table where his son was sitting but stopped abruptly at the blond boy sitting two seats down. I know I do not have any other children running around so who is this?
Lucius just looked at his father and blinked. I haven't even thought about how to tell him about what is going on. What in Merlin's name am I supposed to say to explain all this? "Ahem. It seems that I had a son in another dimension and he and his blood adopted siblings and his muggleborn girlfriend were pulled into this dimension when my son got drunk and cast a spell with a drunken Potter." There, that covers most of it. Lucius lifted his chin in pride at his explanation of what was going on. My explanation is so much better than James Potters was. He felt that it was fairly comprehensive.
His father just looked at him for a moment before assuming a position that Lucius had adopted not too long ago. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he conjured a chair behind his son and apparent grandson before saying. "Explain." So Lucius began to tell his father what he had heard so far. Abraxas continued to pinch the bridge of his nose every few moments as his son spoke causing some of the travelers to snicker at the similarity between the two.
The Doors to the great hall burst open as a young man with red robes burst into the hall and ran towards Alice once he had found her in the mist of all the students at the Gryffindor table. She smiled at him as he panted and asked her what was wrong between breaths. Henry Potter did not tell him why he needed to get to Hogwarts immediately before he popped away leaving a panicked young man behind. Alice just smiled and said. "I want to introduce you to your son, Neville." She continued to smile at her boyfriend as he stared at Neville. Her smile disappeared as his eyes rolled up in his head and he passed out. "Oh…maybe I should have eased him into that a bit. Opps" She said with a small frown. Neville had just buried his head in his arms as he laughed. His mum was a hoot. Alice revived Frank and began to explain but had to revive him a few times as he kept passing back out from shock.
The next people to enter the hall were the Lovegoods. They were calm when they entered the hall as they had only graduated a few years earlier and had no one at the school to worry about causing trouble yet. A waving arm from the front of the hall caught their attention.
"Oh look Selene, it appears that we have a new member of the family. Do you think she knows where to find the Crumple Horn Snorkshack?"
The dreamy people migrated over to the blond that was clutching a boy with black hair as if he would run away if she let go. Once they were in range, Luna began her introductions. Everyone stopped what they were doing to listen to the blond girl that had been mostly quiet except for a few giggles aimed at Severus.
"Hello mummy and daddy. I am Luna. I am your daughter but I come from another dimension. I am the blood adopted sister of them." She pointed at all her siblings. "And this is my boyfriend Severus Snape." She snuggled into the boy who was now staring at her with wide eyes. "Oh, you have orange nargles here. I don't like them. They are supposed to be blue." She finished with a pout directed at her parents.
The Lovegoods took the introduction in stride. Selene conjured chairs behind the young couple and pulled her husband into a seat since he was already talking to the two teens before him.
"How wonderful to meet you my dear. I have never seen a blue nargles, but they sound lovely. We should do a study to see if your nargles behave different from the orange ones here. Now tell me young Severus, what are your intentions towards my daughter here?"
Severus choked on air as Luna giggled from her spot at his side. What? Wait…what? Girlfriend? Intentions? Do I have intentions? I have a girlfriend? When did that happened? Wait…what? Severus just continued to stare at the blond man that seemed continent to let him stay silent as he tried to process what had just happened. Xenophilius knew that some people had to warm up to the Lovegood way of doing things and it looked like his Luna had the boy well in hand.
He slapped the boy on the shoulder and said in his airy voice that managed to be airy still being manly. "It's alright son. You will do well for our little Luna here. You can call us mum and dad." With this pronouncement, Severus lost all ability to think. He just stared at the people around him in confusion while trying to find out what happened.
Regulus was snickering at Severus's expression and watching as Abraxas Malfoy listened to Lucius with raised brows. Lucius looked like he was giving his father a migraine with whatever he was telling him.
Everyone fell silent as the doors were flung open again to allow the entrance of an irate woman with black hair arranged into a lovely updo, followed by a stately man with a scowl on his face. Henry Potter followed behind the two of them with a small smirk on his face. He had found it fairly amusing to appear in front of random people and telling them that they had to go to Hogwarts immediately before leaving without explanation.
"Sirius Orion Black! What have you done that I am being told to get to Hogwarts immediately? I was supposed to have tea with the Lady Lastrange to arrange a contact between Bella and the Lastrange boy, not be called here to deal with your indiscretions." The travelers all winced at the familiar shrieking of Walburga Black.
"Cease your shrieking Burggie." Dorea called from her seat behind the Potter boys. Once he realized where she was sitting, Henry Potter made his way to her side to settle into his own seat beside her. "Sirius has done nothing."
"Must you call me that infernal nickname Dorie?" Walburga asked her cousin with a grimace.
"Yes, yes I must…" Everyone was distracted by Draco Malfoy singing under his breath.
"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim... " he stopped abruptly when Hermione popped him on the back of the head and called for Kreacher.
Kreacher popped in and looked at Hermione in question. "Kreacher. Draco quoted Finding Nemo and I can't reach Harry." She said with a pout in the elf's direction. Harry winced from his seat across the table and glared at the blond boy across from him. All eyes in the hall were watching the travelers with great interest.
Kreacher nodded at the girl that had called him. "I is being taking care of it Mistress Grangy." He popped to the space behind Harry and smacked the boy on the back of the head. Every pureblood and most of the half-bloods in the room had their jaws drop in shock. The elf then proceeded to rub Harrys back in comfort while muttering. "Kreacher is being sorry for having to smack the Master Harry for allowing Master Draco to watch muggle moves and quote them. Mistress Grangy is being saying that Master Harry is supposed to bes stopping Master Draco from being an annoying git. Kreacher is being bringing you some chocolate to make yous feel better about beings punished by yours Kreacher." Kreacher popped out of the room, but returned within a few moments to hand Harry a chocolate frog. Hermione just shook her head at the elf. "Heres you go Master Harry. You tries to be better at stopping Master Draco from quoting the muggles movies." With one last pat on Harry's back, Kreacher popped away again, leaving a room of shocked students, teachers, and parents.
The Lovegoods were impressed with the elf and asked Severus if he knew where they could get one like that. Severus just blinked at the man and took a bite of the sandwich that Luna was holding up to his lips.